The Ties That Bind
by NicoleTwilight
Summary: Edward's POV of Bella's pregnancy, burning and awakening in Breaking Dawn. Covers all the missing moments with Edward, Bella and the Cullens, and what they went through. See what happened after Bella ran into Rosalie's arms at the airport...
1. Resolve

_This story picks up in Breaking Dawn after Edward and Bella have left Isle Esme, on the plane ride home._

_Stephanie Meyers owns all things Twilight!_

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_I swear something moved inside me just now._

Even just as an echo in my memory, Bella's words still burned right through me, a jagged blaze of shock and horror. This devastating, inescapable awareness that it was not a bad dream or a hideous mistake, but a monstrous reality, pierced through me as sharply now as it had the first time._ Oh god, no. _I felt a shudder rip through my body. I glanced quickly at Bella, but she was still staring silently out the airplane window. I didn't want to burden her with my fears, thinking she must be consumed by her own. I looked back forward for a moment, struggling to remain calm.

Time had dragged painfully during the endless flight home. I hated being trapped here in the sky, helpless, cursing the many miles that still lay in front of us. My initial reaction had been to just grab Bella, put her in the boat, and then run with her when we hit mainland. But it was a ridiculous, dangerous idea. So now we sat in the plane, as the minutes ticked by, and I felt I would go mad with worry and fear. I was terrified for Bella. Every second that went by felt like a lost moment to save her. We had no idea what this creature really was, and what it might be doing to her right now. What I yearned for now was to see Carlisle, and deliver Bella to his care.

Bella had been so quiet during the flight home, mostly looking out the window. I watched her carefully, and sometimes she would briefly turn towards me, her fathomless eyes meeting mine. Her face seemed cautious, with an expression I couldn't place. Was it fear? Anxiety_? Horror at the idea of what I've done to her?_ But it didn't seem to be any of those things. There was an odd aura of calm in her expression, and that concerned me. Could she be in shock?

She gazed up at me now, and I leaned over and kissed her head, letting her warmth and scent fill my senses. Her fingers slid gently up my arm, creating a river of heat up to my shoulder. She rested her hand on my neck, soft, exquisite bliss against my hard skin. I reached my arm carefully around her slight body.

"Don't worry," I murmured, rubbing her back gently. "We're going to take care of this." Immediately, she stiffened and turned her head back to the window, pulling back her hand as my arm fall away. I froze, surprised, for a moment, and then leaned back against my seat. _Maybe she doesn't even want to think about it_. Who could blame her?

Several times, I saw her hand move down to touch her stomach, and dread hammered through me. In the back of my head I kept replaying what I had heard on Isle Esme. _Morte_. Dead. The mother did not live – the monster killed her from the inside out_. The monster I created_. Anger and guilt consumed me at this thought, vicious, unrelenting. I hated the thing inside her. I hated that it might be causing her any kind of pain. That it could kill her. But none of it compared to how much I hated myself. This was my fault. I had done this to her. I had cursed her with my monstrous existence. Was there nothing I could do with her, no part of me that didn't bring her pain? That didn't endanger her life?

Finally, we began our merciful descent towards the airport. As the wheels touched down on the airstrip, I reached out my mind, searching for Alice. I found her quickly, but the pain in her mind felt like a physical blow. What was wrong with her? She was trying to search for Bella's future, but the visions of Bella were blurry or nonexistent. I felt a new surge of panic. It was like something was blocking her vision of Bella. _What? Why?_ The blurry images made my head swim, and I pulled my mind away from Alice's, the pain ebbing immediately.

When we were cleared to leave the plane, I reached over and brushed the hair back from Bella's face. Her eyes turned to me, filled with some sort of intense emotion. She was so lovely, and I ached to take her pain away, to make things right again. I leaned over and kissed her gently on her pale cheek.

"I love you," I whispered in her ear. I pulled back to look at her, and she nodded, her wide eyes searching my face.

"I know," she whispered, her first words in several hours.

I stood up and gently helped her to her feet. I placed my hand on her warm back, feeling her heart beat beneath my fingers, and helped guide her out of the plane. It took all my control not to send the foolish humans who kept bumping into her flying into the side of the plane. When we reached the terminal, I wrapped my arm around her, but she seemed to shrug it off_. She resents me for this_, I thought painfully. So, instead, I took her hand gently in mine and led her towards where I could sense my family was waiting.

My family's minds were very clear to me now. Everyone's thoughts were filled with worry and concern for Bella. Alice's head continued to be a jumble of blurry images of Bella, and pain. When I got close enough to see, her face was pinched and miserable. Jasper was concentrating on Alice. He was trying not to become consumed by everyone's anxiety, attempting to beat it back with calm so that he could try to help relieve her pain.

Rosalie's mind caught me off guard. She was feeling very intense about something, but her thoughts were wild and unclear. It was hard to distinguish her emotions – was she angry? Images of Bella filled her head several times and my thoughts blackened. Why was she feeling so strongly about Bella? Was she jealous of the pregnancy? It would be like her to make this about herself. I had an irrational fear that Rosalie might try to attack Bella, right here in the airport. But that was ridiculous – what would be her motivation? I tried to shut out the self-centered workings of Rosalie's mind.

"Is your family here?" Bella asked quietly, breaking into my contemplation. I glanced down, surprised, but of course her human eyes couldn't see what mine did.

"Yes, right over there." I gestured, and her eyes squinted in that direction.

"All of them?" she breathed.

"Yes, they are all here," I said. Her heartbeat picked up. _She's anxious to see Alice_, I thought. And Carlisle, of course. To hear from him that everything would be OK. She would trust his reassurances over mine, as she rightly should. Unlike me, Carlisle had never done anything to harm her. I paused, reaching out to take her other hand, and pulled her to me, cradling her hands against my chest. This would be our last few moments alone, and I was filled with a strange sense of foreboding. Bella took her hands out of mine and reached up to my face, her warm fingers caressing my skin. I cherished her touch, aching with the feelings of happiness and despair that dueled inside me.

"Edward," she whispered. "I…" She trailed off, the words seeming to get stuck in her throat. She searched my face, looking for something. She seemed to be struggling to figure something out, to make a decision. What did she want?

"It's okay, love," I said. "In a few hours this will all be a bad dream." Bella froze, and something flashed in her eyes before she closed them and looked away. Her shoulders seemed to hunch over a little.

"Let's go," she said in a quiet, rough voice, pulling away from me and starting to walk again. I took her hand, confused by her reaction. I couldn't think clearly on this anymore. I needed Carlisle.

I searched Carlisle's mind, seeing it filled with thoughts about the surgical room he had begun to set up in his office at home, and the equipment he had brought from the hospital. There were bags of blood in the refrigerator, just in case Bella needed them. He was working through all the possible scenarios of how the procedure might go. His final thought sent a piercing jolt of shock through me. If all else went wrong, Carlisle planned to change her. He would do it himself if I wouldn't – to save Bella if he couldn't stop the bleeding, or to allow the venom to kill the thing inside her if he couldn't get it out. He was agonizing over it, trying to envision the best spots to bite in order to make the transformation quicker. How to get the most venom into her bloodstream. His mind filled with an image of himself, kneeling by a sleeping Bella, her arm in his grip, as his mouth rested against her wrist. He remembered how he would fight the bloodlust, how he had in the past. He remembered the scent of her blood.

I froze on the spot. Even when Carlisle had agreed to change Bella after graduation, he had never let his thoughts get this far. The horror of this image, of Bella, helpless, Carlisle's teeth about to pierce her fragile skin, filled me with a sickness and despair that tore at my brain. My emotions halted coherent thought, and an intense feeling of fury at Carlisle began to overtake me. I didn't move, fighting against the overwhelming urge to throw myself at him, to attack him, to protect my love. We were about 15 feet away and I locked eyes with Carlisle. He realized I had seen what he was thinking, and I knew he had not meant for me to see those images in his mind. His face was anguished. _It may be the only way, Edward, _he thought._ You need to accept that_.

_No_, I screamed inside my head. _Not like this_. Bella was tugging on my arm and I felt her fingers twist out of mine. I glanced over to see her flying across the open space towards my family, her long brown hair cascading out behind her. We all watched her, statues, except for Alice. Holding her fingers pressed against her eyes she took a step forward, as if to meet her.

But Bella flew by Alice and, in a flash, was swept into Rosalie's arms. _Rosalie?_ I was too dumbstruck to move. And then, suddenly, like the boom of thunder, Rosalie's thoughts finally broke free and crashed down on me_. The baby. Save the baby. Her baby. Mine. I won't let them hurt it. _Anger flooded my brain and I roared back to life. In a fraction of a second, I was at Bella's side, the rest of my family still frozen. Rosalie's arms were around Bella, steel vices, and Bella was sobbing into her chest. I put my hands on Bella's shoulders.

"Let her go, Rose," I said, my voice deadly. She just stared back at me grimly. I searched her mind, trying to get a hold on her plans. There was a resolve, a plan to protect the baby at all costs. And an aching desire she couldn't hide to have that baby as her own. Anger and hate clouded my vision momentarily. I wanted to rip her head off.

"I'm not going to let you act out your sick fantasies on my wife," I hissed at Rosalie, too low for Bella to hear. She narrowed her eyes at me and sent a thought in my direction. A memory of a phone call from Bella. _You have to help me, Rosalie. I want this baby. Help me protect him._ Bella's words. Bella's intentions.

_You blind fool,_ Rosalie sneered in her head. I stared at Bella, mortified. She called it a baby? My mind processed this with horror. She imagined a baby in there, and she wanted it. Did she not appreciate, not understand, that it was a monster I had created inside her? A monster that would kill her. I felt a sickly dread crawl under my skin, and begin to work its way through my entire body.

Bella's eyes were shining up at me, full of tears. And now, I finally named the expression in them. Resolve. Commitment. Not to me this time, but to the thing inside her. Rosalie was right. I was a blind fool. Then Bella moved her hand slowly down to her stomach, and her expression changed. A blush appeared on her perfect face. It wasn't fear, or discomfort. It was love. Love for the monster inside her. _Oh god. Oh god, oh god, oh god._ What had already been a nightmare worsened, shifted. Became a horror story within a nightmare.

My family finally unfroze. Carlisle stepped quickly over next to us, and Emmett put his arm protectively around Rose.

"What's going on?" Carlisle asked in a low voice. Rosalie stared at him, her glare just as hard as it had been for me.

"No one is going to hurt this baby," she hissed at him. Carlisle stared in shock, and then horror slowly dawned on his face. Alice groaned behind him, and it looked like she might fall to the floor. Jasper steadied her.

I was reeling from the revelation of Bella's feelings. Love for the thing inside her, the monster that would take her life? What madness was this?

"Bella, sweetheart," I said in a low, gentle voice. "Love, let go of her. Come to me." I tugged on her shoulders gently. Her eyes left mine and looked up at Rosalie, who shook her head minutely. When she looked back at me they had changed again. They flickered with distrust and she shook her head. I seethed with hatred for Rosalie.

"Bella," I said, and tugged more forcefully. I could feel my fingers pressing too hard into her soft body. I let go and grabbed Rosalie's wrist, twisting it. I wondered if I could snap it off without making too much of a scene. She hissed and Emmett took a step towards me. Carlisle's hands were on the both of us in a flash.

"Stop it," he ordered quietly. "Not here." All around us humans were coming and going from various flights. I let go of Rosalie's hand in disgust, and she wrapped it back around Bella. My mind scorched with anger.

"Bella?" I asked. I tried to keep my voice steady.

Bella looked at me, her face worried, but her deep, brown eyes glowing with passion. "Edward," she said, in a low, pleading voice. "I want to keep this baby. When I heard what you and Carlisle were planning, I didn't know if you would listen to me, let me explain. If I could stop you. So I called Rosalie." Her face fell miserably, and she looked down at the ground. I stared at her, trying to comprehend, and then slowly, painfully, realization crept into my mind. She did not want to end this monstrous pregnancy. Suddenly, I was gripped by a fierce resolve. She was right to worry, because I would not let anything, including her misplaced emotions, stand in the way of saving her life. I would not let her get hurt.

"Let's discuss this at home," murmured Carlisle. He was looking at me, concerned about the expression on my face. Rosalie turned and started walking, her arm wrapped protectively around Bella. I stayed pressed to Bella's side, Emmett flanking Rosalie on the other side, continually glancing at me. Carlisle walked right behind us, his hand on my shoulder. We drew some odd looks, walking in this tight group, everyone refusing to give up their position. Esme, Alice and Jasper walked a little ways behind.

They had brought Carlisle's car, as well as my Volvo. I tugged on Bella, to bring her to the Volvo.

"You're getting in a car with her over my dead body," hissed Rosalie.

"That's the plan," I growled back.

"No Edward," said Bella. "I think it's best if I ride with Rosalie." I looked at her, shocked. She was looking down, unable to meet my eyes. Instinctively, I reached out to lift her face to mine, but then let my hand drop. Rosalie gave me a smug look and pulled Bella over to Carlisle's car.

"Come Edward," said Carlisle. "I'll drive." I followed him silently. Alice and Jasper came with us, and Esme rode with Rosalie, Bella and Emmett. Alice paused by the car, putting her hand on my arm.

_I'm sorry,_ she thought._ I just can't see anything clearly. I didn't know what was happening._

"Rosalie?" I choked out quietly. "What is she…?"

_She's there, but everything keeps blurring out. It's not hard to understand why she would help Bella with this. You have to understand for her… _Her thoughts trailed off as I turned away, blocking her out. I could not understand this.

I searched the thoughts in the car in front of us as we drove home. Bella was crying quietly, and Rosalie was comforting her. She knew I was listening. _I'm not letting her go for a second, dear brother_. She was prepared to protect the thing inside Bella at all costs. She wanted it, wanted it to live. And if Bella wavered she was prepared to try to convince her to keep carrying it. The risk to Bella meant nothing to her – she couldn't hide that from me. I gripped the car door in rage, trying not to rip it off completely.

_Edward,_ I heard from Carlisle. I looked over at him, and he had a grim look on his face. He gripped the steering wheel tightly, looking straight ahead. _You need to talk to Bella. Alone. Make her understand. If you see the chance to get her away from Rose, take it. I'll be prepared._ I stared at him, a little shocked. This had been my exact thought, but I did not expect to hear it from Carlisle. The fact that he was saying it terrified me. His fear for Bella's life was more intense than what I had read before in his thoughts. He saw very little hope for Bella, if we didn't end this as planned.

I had been so blind. All those hours flying home, I had tragically misjudged what was going on in Bella's head. And now, that precious time alone was lost. Time to stop this insanity, before she became resolved. I would have pleaded with her, begged her on my knees for hours, to let us save her life. Instead, I had delivered her into the arms of the worst possible person, the only person twisted enough to encourage her resolve in this deadly matter. I felt a consuming panic. Bella was so stubborn, what if I couldn't get her to see reason? And it would be even more impossible with Rosalie there, feeding the madness. I needed to get her away from Rosalie, as soon as possible. And I was willing to go to extremes to accomplish it.

We pulled into the driveway. Rosalie, Emmett and Bella were already standing on the front porch. Rosalie only had one hand on Bella. Her other hand was on Emmett's face, and she was speaking intently to him. He was upset. I was gripped with a sudden terror that I had to act fast, or another opportunity might not come. I had to get Bella alone, to convince her, before it was too late. _Do it now,_ I thought. I made my move. I tore from the car and flew at them.

"No Edward," cried Esme. Emmett's head snapped around and he launched himself at me. We slammed into each other on the porch steps, just feet from Rose and Bella. Our arms locked.

"Stop it!" screamed Bella.

Emmett thought that I was attacking Rosalie._ Idiot,_ I thought. This had nothing to do with Rosalie, other than trying to get Bella away from her poisonous influence. Although, I wouldn't hesitate to take out some of my anger at her if she stood between us.

"Quit it, Emmett," I snarled through gritted teeth. "I just want to talk to Bella alone." But Emmett could see the wild look in my eyes, and he wanted me away from Rose until I calmed down. I glanced at Rosalie as we struggled. She had her arms tight around Bella now. If I got past Emmett, could I still get Bella out of Rosalie's arms? And if I was able to get Bella away, into the woods, could Carlisle convince Rosalie not to follow? Give me the time I needed to talk to her? I tensed, searching Emmett's mind for his next move.

_No Edward, stop!_ Alice's desperate voice was loud in my head. _You will hurt her! _And my mind filled with Alice's blurry vision of Bella being crushed in a struggle between Rosalie and me. _Dammit. _I dropped my arms from Emmett and he shoved me off the stairs. I flew backwards and slammed into the car, shattering a window.

"Edward!" Bella screamed, horror flooding her face. I straightened up quickly. Of course I was fine. Emmett held his protective stance in front of Rosalie, and I stayed at the car. Carlisle ran up the stairs and put his hands on Emmett's arms.

Rosalie glared at me, fury and determination on her face. She didn't trust me to be alone with Bella, especially now. My eyes met Bella's for a moment. They were still concerned, but I also saw a flash of fear. _Fear of me?_ I wondered grimly. She looked away, too quickly.

_Patience, Edward,_ thought Alice. _We have to choose our moment wisely_. I glanced at her, and took grim satisfaction in her words. Alice would help me. We stood together, our love for Bella binding us. She leaned over and murmured something to Jasper and he nodded. Jasper would help as well. Along with Carlisle, it was all I needed. I would wait for the right moment. I would save Bella from this deadly fate. Carlisle was moving Emmett into the house, and we all followed.


	2. Love

_Stephanie Meyers owns all things Twilight._

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Watching Bella walk in front of me, clinging to Rosalie, the world suddenly felt like a very foreign place. My arms felt empty, and the distance between us, although short, loomed painfully. I feared I didn't know how, or when, I would be able to cross it.

We went straight into the dining room. Lines were drawn as we sat down, reminding me of the first time we gathered around this table to discuss Bella. It seemed like a lifetime ago. It might as well have been. Carlisle sat at the head, and Esme next to him. I stood behind Carlisle, unable to sit. Alice walked in slowly and sat next to Carlisle, Jasper behind her. I was extremely concerned about the amount of physical pain Alice was in – I had never seen her like that before.

Same as the first time we met to discuss Bella, Rosalie sat on the opposite side of the table. She pulled Bella into her lap and wrapped her arms firmly around her. My stomach turned in disgust at the way Rosalie was holding her so possessively. I visualized myself ripping off her arms. Bella stared at me, her eyes hurting, but her face calm and resolved.

Emmett stood behind Rosalie, his expression clouded with concern and confusion. Obviously, Rosalie hadn't shared her sick plan with him before now. He was watching Rose intently, as he thought over her words on the porch, that she planned to help Bella keep the baby inside her. He didn't need an explanation why – he knew how badly Rose wanted a baby, any baby. He glanced momentarily at me, and his thoughts flickered angrily back to our confrontation on the porch. His desire to protect Rosalie had originally just been instinctive, but now that he knew what Rose wanted, he would not let me take it away from her. I was shocked to sense a resentful undertone to these thoughts, that I had given Bella what he could never give Rosalie. _Insane._

As I watched him, Emmett's eyes slid down to Bella's stomach. A vision grew in his head, as his mind wandered, unbidden, to imagine what was inside her. The image was a human baby, but then it opened its eyes, and they were blood red. Its lips curled back as it bared its teeth in a grotesque expression.

"Emmett," I hissed quietly, sickened and infuriated. He started, and looked up at me quickly, his face strained. My family's eyes moved between us, while Bella remained unaware. _Sorry, Bro,_ he thought miserably. He meant for more than the image in his mind.

"Okay," Carlisle began. "What is this?"

"I… we are not going to let you kill this baby," spat Rosalie.

"What is your role in this, Rosalie?" asked Carlisle. "This is about Bella. And Edward. It does not involve you," he said firmly.

"The hell it doesn't," snapped Rosalie. "Bella called me – she called and asked me to help protect the baby from you. Both of you." She glared pointedly at Carlisle and then me. I heard Esme gasp. "I know how you and Edward feel, and I don't trust how far you will go to achieve it. So I am sticking with Bella, every minute, to help her through it, and keep them both safe." Rosalie's eyes moved from Bella's face to her stomach, and then back to Carlisle. Bella continued to watch my face, her eyes now full of unnecessary apologies.

Carlisle stared silently for a moment at Rosalie, his face hard. He certainly understood her interest in this, but he felt it was at the expense of Bella's safety. His mind battled between anger and sympathy for her feelings. I growled softly. Carlisle sighed, and decided he would not even try to reason with Rosalie. He looked at Bella, his face pained.

"Bella," he said gently, and with such compassion. He sought to reassure her. "Don't be afraid. I will do everything I can to keep you safe and healthy when we remove the…fetus. I can go over the procedure with you if…" But he was stopped by Bella's sharp intake of breath.

"No," she gasped out, finally tearing her eyes from mine to look at Carlisle. Her face hardened slightly. "You don't understand. I'm not afraid. I don't want you to take this baby away from me." Her eyes went back to mine, pleading.

"Oh, Bella," Carlisle said, and it sounded like a groan. I just stood, staring, letting him carry on the conversation. I didn't think I could speak rationally. "I have to tell you, you must understand…carrying this fetus will most likely kill you. I'm so sorry, but this is the only way." His voice was filled with sorrow, and he prayed he was getting through to her. But instead I saw a flash of determination in her eyes. She shook her head.

"No," she said, still shaking her head back and forth. "We don't know that. Why do you say that? This is our baby, Edward's and mine. We made it, and I won't let you hurt him."

_Edward,_ Carlisle thought. _How can she be thinking this is possible? Talk to her. _I took a deep breath to steady myself. I tried to make my voice calm and reasonable. She could see reason, right?

"Bella, angel. This…fetus is not supposed to be in your body. We don't know what it will be like, what it might be doing to you right now. What I heard on the island is that it will be strong. It will hurt you." Her expression didn't change. My voice dropped to an agonized whisper. "It will kill you."

Bella didn't flinch at this, or drop her eyes from mine. I ascertained she knew what the word _morte _meant, and had already considered that. My panic grew even more intense. What had she been resolving on that plane ride home? How far was she willing to go?

"Yes, Bella," Carlisle urged. "We can't protect you from something we know so little about. Clearly it is growing fast. Too fast. We have to act quickly."

Bella looked slowly between the two of us. Her hands moved to her stomach and a deep blush rose onto her cheeks. Her scent swirled strong around the room. A tenor of thirst flared up at the edge of everyone's thoughts, indefensible in this moment, and yet, as ever, omnipresent in our lives.

"Just superstitions," she said stubbornly. She sighed, looking down at her hands on her stomach. "I will do anything to protect him."

"Even kill yourself?" I snapped out harshly, unable to hold back. Her eyes moved to mine, and although she didn't say anything, I could see the answer in her eyes_. Yes. Yes, she would_. She would die, as she almost had many times, because of me, for me. For the monster I had created. Seeing the look on my face, she paled, and the corners of her mouth turned down.

Alice spoke for the first time, lifting her head painfully from her hands.

"Bella, listen to Carlisle, let him help you," she pleaded in a strained voice. Bella stared at Alice, concern on her face, but then slowly shook her head.

"I can do this," Bella said, her voice firm, ringing with finality. Rosalie nodded vigorously.

_Oh Edward, _Alice moaned in her head_. She's not hearing us. _Alice's eyes tightened with pain and worry. _I can't find her future. We can't lose her like this. _Jasper, watching her face carefully, squeezed her shoulder in reassurance.

Jasper's thoughts had been focused solely on Alice this whole time. He was letting the pain in her head wash through him, wanting to bear it as she did, wishing he could absorb it from her. But now he looked up at Bella, a hard expression on his face. Whatever was growing inside of Bella was causing Alice physical pain. The idea of something hurting Alice was excruciating, and unacceptable, to Jasper. His very existence was wrapped around loving and protecting Alice, much as mine was for Bella. This raised his level of hatred towards the creature near to even mine, and he viewed its unknown future with fear. Jasper was resolved that, right now, the best way to help Alice, and save Bella, was to get that thing out. He was, as always, single minded and fierce in his purpose.

Carlisle's thoughts hit me then, loud and desperate. _Edward, I don't know if I can get through to her. We may have to do this another way – if we can get her alone, I can give her enough morphine to put her under and then…I don't want to take away her choice. But I can't let her die._ Carlisle's thoughts began to disintegrate in confusion and despair. But mine became crystal clear. I would get Bella alone, and I would try to convince her to change her mind. And if I couldn't – how far would I go to save her? I thought I knew. But first, I needed to get her away from Rosalie. I began to strategize in my head. I would incapacitate Rosalie enough to get Bella from her arms. I would need Jasper to take on Emmett.

As I made my decision the vision started forming in Alice's head. And as she resolved her course of action it became clearer. Alice glanced up at Jasper, and, sensing our resolve, he seemed to read her mind. Alice and I would go straight over the table. Jasper could come around to be at Emmett's back. Alice would hold off Rosalie once I had Bella. The initial confrontation was blurry, but further ahead the vision was clear. Alice could only see herself, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie. She felt this meant I was somewhere else with Bella. She searched the future, struggling to figure out the best way to contain Rosalie and Emmett, while Carlisle and I could attend to Bella. Alice hoped that Jasper could calm them enough to allow her to reason with Rosalie. But she kept seeing images of the four of them struggling with each other. I cringed away from the visions of my siblings fighting. This would be the worst thing that had ever happened to my family. There would be scars, more emotional than physical, that would take a long time to heal.

But right now, the focus had to be saving Bella. I saw Jasper move his eyes to Emmett, and he took an imperceptible step backwards. Jasper's thoughts were cool and unemotional now, his battle-trained brain thinking only of strategy. Emmett stiffened, sensing Jasper's movement. He lifted his eyes from Rosalie to Jasper, making his own small, defensive move. Rosalie's glare darkened and she gripped her hands together, strengthening her hold on Bella. Alice's chair shifted slightly. _Be very careful of Bella,_ she warned me.

I didn't even dare look at Carlisle and Esme as I tensed for the fight. _Edward…_Carlisle called in my head. _She will probably hate you for this. She may never forgive you._ I shook my head. I didn't care. That was a small price to pay for Bella's safety. She would be alive, and I would take that punishment a thousand times over if I had to. To allow this to continue was a death sentence for Bella, one imposed by me.

Suddenly, Jasper let go of the tenuous hold he had been keeping over the mood of the room, and the true weight of all our emotions came crashing back. Those tensing for battle were filled with anxiety and rage. Carlisle's mind was crippled with pain as he struggled with his decision to see the procedure through, although he did not waver from his resolve that ending the pregnancy was the only way to save Bella.

But Esme – I heard her suck in a sharp breath. And in that moment Alice's visions of the fight disappeared completely. The future shifted. A vision appeared of my face, drawn and tortured, burning from the inside. I stared back at myself, knowing what would be the only thing to put that kind of pain on my face. I gripped the chair in front of me, my face contorting with anguish, as I realized that whatever decision Esme had made, it changed everything. I searched, and found her mind was filled with…with love. And compassion. She spoke her thoughts as they materialized in her mind.

"She loves him," Esme breathed. "I see now, she loves this baby."

"I do." Bella's small voice came from across the room. Her sorrowful eyes stayed on my wretched face. Could she see me dying inside?

Esme stood up, and placed her hand on Carlisle's arm. He glanced up at her, confusion and worry on his face. "You can't do this, Carlisle. You can't take away this baby. Bella wants him. She loves him. It's her choice." And she moved across the room and put her hand on Bella's shoulder. Bella glanced up at Esme, her eyes full of thanks. Carlisle sighed and put his face in his hands. He didn't agree, but he wouldn't go against Esme. Carlisle was the leader of this family. But in decisions that involved love, Esme shone brightest, and Carlisle would follow. We had lost him.

Alice, Jasper and I remained resolved, but I knew it was over. I tried to strategize new attacks, looking for visions from Alice. But none came. Because we all knew we would not make a decision that would lead to a physical altercation that might involve Esme. And now that she stood with Bella, it seemed she was ready to protect her. And the thing inside her. A wave of utter sadness washed through me at this thought. Bella needed to be protected from me. _How had it come to this?_

Carlisle's thoughts floated to me. _Try and talk to her again, Edward,_ he thought._ At least try._ I moved slowly around the table towards Bella. Emmett moved protectively in front of her and Rosalie, but I held my hands up submissively.

"I just want to talk to her," I said.

"You can talk to her just fine from over there," snapped Rosalie. I ignored her and kept moving forward. Emmett looked into my eyes, and I pleaded silently with him. He moved aside and Rosalie let out a disgusted sigh.

"You don't have to talk to him, Bella, if you don't want to," she said in a low voice. I kept my eyes on Bella, uncertain if I could look at Rosalie without betraying my murderous hate. And if Emmett saw that, he would move again to protect her.

Bella glanced, shocked, at Rosalie.

"No, Rosalie, of course I want to talk to him." She glanced back at me, eyes full of love, and I sensed the slightest chance of victory. But then she said, "but please don't let me go, Rose," and that small spark died away. I could almost envision the smug look on Rose's face, but I pushed it away, desperate for this moment with Bella.

I knelt beside her and held out my hand. She pulled hers out from Rosalie's tight grasp and took it. I caressed her warm, soft skin with my fingers, and then wrapped my hand around hers.

"Can't we speak alone, love? Just for a moment." I looked deep into her warm, brown eyes, my voice soft. _God, she was so beautiful_. Surely she could see how scared I was for her. How much I loved and needed her. She wavered, and an image from Alice flashed of Bella and I alone, upstairs, and then blurred out quickly.

But then she glanced down and said, "no, Edward, not right now. I'm so sorry." A sob caught in her throat at her last words. I pressed on, not giving up.

"Don't do this, Bella," I begged. "It's too dangerous."

She lifted her hand to my face and caressed my cheek. Her touch burned, it was almost torture.

"I love you, Edward," she said softly, her eyes calm. "And now, I love him too. He is yours and mine. Part of us. I want him." A little smile formed on her face. I closed my eyes to block it out. She was delusional. This was a fantasy.

"Bella, it will kill you." My voice was rough now. I opened my eyes and looked at her lovely face. "Don't take yourself away from me. I can't live without you. There is no me, I doesn't exist, without you." She knew too well that if she died, I would die as well. The ties that bound us were unbreakable, even in death. I would follow her, always, anywhere.

Bella's expression grew intense, her molten chocolate eyes boring into mine.

"Edward," she said, her voice suddenly fierce. "I know this is right. Deep inside, I know this is not a mistake, it was meant to be." I stared back at her, and just shook my head mutely, unable to find the words to express how I felt deep inside, in my core. I did not feel the same.

Bella's face softened. She moved her hand back down to squeeze mine, her delicate fingers brushing against my skin like feathers.

"I'm not going to die," she said softly. "Carlisle will do everything he can, but if it's not enough…" She paused as my insides twisted painfully. "I'll keep my heart beating. I can do that, and you will save me."

"Save you," I choked out. "How?" But then I saw. Saw her plan. This thing would kill her from the inside, and then I would kill her from the outside. She would let it destroy her, and hope that venom, my venom, could save her. But it was a dream. A dream within the nightmare. I looked at her fragile body, not built to withstand this world of monsters and demons I had brought her into. I wouldn't be able to save her.

I couldn't speak any more. I knew all the arguments I would make, and I knew they wouldn't work. I lowered my head. Esme put a hand on my shoulder. The rest of my family stood frozen around us, except for Rosalie, who shifted impatiently.

"Don't you want him, too… at all?" Bella asked quietly, her voice breaking. I didn't look up. I didn't want her to see the emotions on my face. _No,_ I thought. _Never. It will kill you. _ But I said nothing. I knew now that these words would hurt her even more, and I just couldn't do that right now. I felt lost inside. The future loomed before me, monstrous and unknown.

"All right," snapped Rosalie. "That's enough. Decision made. Bella is tired and probably hungry." She stood Bella up and wrapped an arm around her, moving her into the living room. They sat on the couch together. I watched them go, and then dragged myself slowly over and stood by the couch. I could do nothing but stare down at Bella.

"I'll get you something to eat, dear," said Esme.

"Thank you, Esme," said Bella. "Eggs please." She smiled tentatively up at me. I couldn't move my face to respond. She shivered at my expression, and Rosalie, misinterpreting, snapped at Emmett.

"Go get Bella a blanket."

"Oh, thank you, Rosalie. Thank you for everything," Bella said, looking up into Rose's face. Rose smiled down at her and touched her cheek. Rage and hatred boiled inside me.

"Don't you worry," she crooned at Bella. Then I saw her eyes slip down to Bella's stomach, and I knew what she was really talking to. "I'll take care of you."

I could hear Carlisle's thoughts upstairs in his office. Lists of equipment he would need. How to get an ultrasound machine. Wanting to buy more blood. Thinking about what we knew. The thing would tear its way out of the womb, killing the mother. Killing the mother. _Morte._ Dead. I glanced up and saw my reflection in the glass wall. My face was the face from Alice's vision. I was burning.


	3. Lullaby

_Stephanie Meyers owns all things Twilight!_

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I thought the moments had passed slowly on the long flight home. I was wrong. If time had gone slow then, it turned to a merciless crawl now, each passing second eating away a little part of me. And yet, suddenly, the day was gone. Time, slowly slipping away from us, and I had wasted it.

I watched as my family moved around Bella, taking care of her. I knew I was being useless. But I couldn't seem to move, despair had me pinned. Bella didn't eat much dinner. Esme made her three kinds of eggs, but she only picked at them, while apologizing profusely to Esme for her lack of appetite. She barely drank as well, and this caused Carlisle to frown and worry. I stood by the couch, watching her. Useless. _Selfish._

I struggled to smooth my face, to erase the image of myself I had seen earlier. I knew it would scare Bella. It scared me. But every time Bella looked at me, I knew the shadow of it was still there. I could see it reflected in her eyes, see it in the way her face stiffened and paled. We didn't speak. I didn't dare. So instead I watched. I shut out the thoughts of my family; I couldn't bear to hear them anymore.

Eventually Bella yawned and her eyelids drooped. Someone had placed a pillow, next to her, on the couch and she lay down on it. Rosalie arranged the blanket on her, and the sat down at the end of the couch with Bella's feet in her lap.

"Edward," Bella breathed. I stared. A moment passed.

"Help me sleep, Edward," she continued in a small voice. I knew I was being awful. I should kneel down, gather her in my arms, and sing her to sleep with her lullaby. But I couldn't do it. Fear gripped me, held me too tightly, a vice at my throat. I was afraid if I touched her, loved her like that, the emotions burning inside me would burst out, making us both victims of the fear, self-loathing, and despair I felt. So I remained frozen, and watched as her face slowly started to fall. With horror I saw a glisten of tears start to form in her eyes.

It turned out that I could hate myself more. _Do something, dammit._

"I'll play you to sleep," I whispered. My voice didn't sound like my own. It echoed strangely in my ears. She smiled a little at this, and settled into the pillow.

I went over to the piano and sat down. The room was growing dark as evening fell. Never taking my eyes off Bella, I began to play the lullaby I had written for her so many lives ago. The notes rang through the house, gliding up and down the keyboard, as my love's eyelids began to fall and then close. I watched as her features softened and relaxed, falling into the elusive peace of human sleep. She looked so beautiful.

In my distraction the walls I had been holding to the other's thoughts slipped, and I was suddenly hit full force with my family's combined memories brought on by the song I was playing. Their memories of when I had first met and fallen in love with Bella. When I had sat at this piano, and composed this lullaby.

I stopped, my hands frozen over the keys, paralyzed by the pain brought on by this onslaught. I tried to block it out but now my own memories were coming. Bella, asleep in her bed, pale face glowing slightly in the moonlight. _Edward, I love you._ Sitting beside me as I played this melody for her the first time, crystal tears shining on her pale cheeks….

My head fell into my hands. _Make it stop, _I thought. I felt a movement next to me. It was Alice, sitting silently on the piano bench. She moved closer and laid her head on my shoulder.

"I'm so sorry, Edward," she sighed.

I turned and pressed my face into her soft, black hair. She had her own scent, like warm citrus, and it helped to calm me.

"I know this terrifies you. The unknown. I'm scared, too," she said softly. "I'm sorry, Edward, for you. For Bella." Her voice broke on the last word. Pain twisted in my chest. I turned my head, keeping my cheek against her head.

"We were just so happy," I choked out. "Everything was perfect. She wanted to stay human with me, for a little while longer…"

My desperate words shook Alice, caused her to lose focus. Suddenly, her mind filled images she had been hiding from me. Memories of her visions. Bella and I, sitting on a grassy campus, the leaves in the trees surrounding us a wild mixture of red, yellow, orange. Brick buildings in the background. Bella and I in a college classroom, hands held tight under the desk. Charlie's house, a half-decorated Christmas tree, Bella laughing, blushing, human…

"Oh," Alice gasped, vainly trying to fill her head with thoughts of Jasper. It was too late. I sucked in my breath and pulled sharply away from her. Icy realization stabbed at me. These were images she must have seen when Bella and I were away on Isle Esme. When we had talked about Dartmouth. When we had talked about more time.

"Were the vision's clear?" I whispered fiercely, looking at Bella.

_Yes, crystal clear._

"And now?" I forced the words out through gritted teeth.

Alice moaned softly. _Gone. All gone. Her future is all but gone to me._ Alice's head fell and she seemed to crumple into herself. Jasper appeared behind her, wrapping her body in his long arms.

I wrenched myself off the bench and away from them. I went over and stood by the couch, looking at Bella's face_. I had destroyed that future_. Her future. My monstrous nature, my very existence, had ripped it away from her, before it even had a chance. I didn't know why this hurt so much, I should be used to it by now. I had been destroying her future since the day I laid my eyes on her. But just that it had been so close, within our grasp, what she wanted, what I wanted to give her.

The shimmering, happy future of Alice's visions, so real, so cruelly extinguished, began to rip me apart. I wrapped my arms around myself. My mind dredged up a memory, from Jacob's mind, of how Bella used to wrap her arms around herself to keep the pieces together when I had left her. That's what I did now. Somewhere, Fate laughed darkly. I squeezed harder, and felt myself pulling in short breaths through my clenched teeth. I was sinking, spiraling into uncontrollable despair.

Suddenly, the feeling of overwhelming bliss rocked me. Waves of serenity washed over me, relaxing my muscles as my arms fell to my side. Momentarily, I floated, at peace. Then I shook my head sharply, and realized Jasper was standing beside me, his fingers lightly touching my arm. I shook him off roughly.

"Shove off, Jasper," I muttered.

_Get a grip on yourself, man, _he thought. Jasper was becoming overwhelmed by my emotions. He wanted to leave the house, to get away from me, but Alice wanted him to stay. He continued to send the waves of calm at me, although they were less potent without his touch

_Bella needs you,_ he chided me. Then disappeared. The feeling of calm left swiftly with him as the pain roared back in. But I was in better control now, and he was right. I was turning this into something about me, when it was all about Bella. I clenched my fists in frustration at myself. I looked down at Bella's sleeping form, and thought I ought to carry her up to the bed. I leaned over to pick her up and bring her upstairs.

My arms were knocked away as Rosalie pushed herself between Bella and me. She hissed.

"Get out of the way, Rose," I snarled, and shoved her aside. She stumbled and then sprang back, growling. Emmett materialized on the other side of the couch, and I felt Jasper back at my shoulder. The four of us stared at each other for a long moment. I felt my earlier rage at Rosalie returning, growing. Jasper sensed it, and became concerned. He still had my back but didn't want this to turn into anything. He struggled to spread calm over the group.

"I just want to take her upstairs to bed," I growled at Rosalie. She sighed, and looked down at Bella with something, like tenderness, in her eyes. I narrowed my eyes, unconvinced. I could not find that sentiment in her mind.

"Fine," she murmured. Then she looked back up and her expression hardened. "But I'm coming with you."

"Oh, honestly, Rosalie. Do you really think I'm going to do anything now?" I snapped. But would I? My eyes flickered to Bella, and I wondered if, given the chance, I would still try to change things against her will, knowing how she felt. I honestly didn't know. I looked back at Rosalie and could see in her mind that she didn't trust me at all.

"I'm staying with her," Rosalie said firmly. I growled. She was not spending the night with Bella and me in my room. No, not just mine, it was Bella's room as well now. Our room. Our bed. Fury and despair coursed through me.

Hard fingers clenched onto my arm and the calm relaxed me again. _Stop it, Edward._ Jasper was frustrated. He didn't want to be here, feeling my despair, helping me control my volatile emotions. He wanted to be with Alice, she was in pain. I fought the urge to scream at him. Scream at them all. How the hell did they expect me to feel about this?

But, instead, I let him fill me with peace, embracing the calm this time. Slowly it morphed into something like resigned defeat. Bella was sleeping soundly on the couch; I would let her be. I sunk down to my knees next to her. Rosalie shrugged and sat back down. The others lingered briefly, but then disappeared as Carlisle knelt down next to me.

_How fast do you think it is growing, Edward? Have you noticed any changes, any growth, since you left the island?_

I glanced down at Bella's stomach. I was embarrassed to admit I had completely avoided looking at, or touching, that part of her since we had found out. _Some husband. _ I hadn't wanted to even acknowledge it. Now I reached over and touched her stomach gently. I could feel the small bulge that hadn't been there before. I snatched my hand away as if I had been burnt.

"I don't know," I sighed quietly. Rosalie eyed us suspiciously, wondering what we were talking about.

_Well, I will examine her tomorrow. Take some measurements, so we can start to judge its growth. It's obviously accelerated, but maybe not that much. We will have some time to try to figure things out. _His eyes flickered over to Rosalie.

Carlisle then stood, patted me on the shoulder, and left, his thoughts still tangled up in possible outcomes. I looked again at Bella's stomach. Really, how fast could it grow? Time, we needed time. Looking at Bella's fragile body, I wanted to gather her into my arms, never let her go, protect her. But could I protect her this time? My helplessness terrified me.

Sitting so close to Rosalie, it was hard to block out her thoughts. Now that she had gotten her way, the angry, defensive walls were down. She viewed the pregnancy with an excitement that bordered on frenzied. In her darker moments, when her long buried mothering instincts screamed for release, Rosalie had explored all available information on human pregnancy. As if that knowledge could somehow erase the fact that she was a cold, unchanging monster. Now her mind flickered with the thousands of images of babies she had memorized during her immortal existence. Nausea, exhaustion – she listed in her head with satisfaction the normal early signs of pregnancy that Bella had shown. Rosalie was determined not to let Carlisle and I contort the pregnancy into something ugly.

But she also could not hide the fear that crept around the corners of her mind. Even as deluded and self-centered as Rosalie was, she could not deny seeing the inherent danger of the situation, to both Bella and the thing inside of her. Still, at least in the forefront of her mind, she had herself convinced that Bella would survive. I could but only guess at what lurked in the deeper parts of her consciousness, where I couldn't see.

She glanced down at Bella, and, in a twisted way, realized she understood how I was feeling. She knew what she would be capable of doing to protect Emmett, if it was his life that was in danger. But this thought only served to remind her what she was up against. She was concerned about my ability to influence Bella, and didn't trust that I still wouldn't try to use my persuasive power to sway her. She wondered how to undermine Bella's trust in me, and wedge herself between us.

My sudden fury at these thoughts caught me off guard, and I gasped in an unintentional quick breath. Rosalie eyes shot to mine, and her expression darkened. I realized I had unknowingly been leaning towards hers, my fists clenched. She was abruptly furious, at herself for leaving her thoughts unguarded, and toward me for pulling them from her head. Her eyes narrowed and she stared straight forward again, cutting off all thoughts of the present, recalling instead a human baby, one I had seen countless times in her mind before. A brown haired baby, who she dreamed of holding in her arms. The memories were human, weak, and it was easy to shut them out, which I did. I did not want to see her dreams, when she had a hand in destroying mine.

I blocked out all thoughts I looked at Bella, filling my mind only with her, and let her beating heart and gentle breaths calm me. Her face was very still, its beauty radiating out to hold me, and draw me closer. I leaned over slowly, and with the slightest pressure, touched my lips to hers. Her warmth, magnified a thousand times where our skin touched, spread through me. Then I leaned back onto my knees. _Let her sleep now._ I became perfectly still, and so, the first night passed.

Eventually, light began to filter back into the room. Bella had slept soundly, as she had on the island. Now she moved restlessly in her sleep, and made a small noise. I unfroze, and for the first time all night my eyes left her face. I trailed my eyes over down her body and stopped when they rested on her stomach. Something about the way the blanket lay against her caught me. Slowly, I moved my arm and pulled back the blanket. Rosalie unfroze, watching me with wary eyes. I looked carefully, and then Fear had me in her steely grip again.

"Carlisle," I whispered roughly. He appeared immediately, followed by the others, who had heard the panic in my voice. I stood up.

"Her stomach," I breathed. I sucked in air sharply. "It's grown. It's bigger." Everyone turned to study Bella's sleeping form. The bulge was shockingly larger than last night. At least three times bigger. Then, as we all watched, Bella's stomach _moved_. Almost imperceptibly, but we saw it. Seven statues took a step back in shock. A multitude of thoughts collided with me, the emotions different but the realizations the same. _Growing. Alive. Growing fast. _Too fast. It moved again, and Bella winced in her sleep. A chorus of breaths sucked in. A long moment of silence. Then, Bella opened her eyes, and looked up in surprise. Seven pairs of dark golden eyes, emotions ranging from excitement, to concern, to horror, looked back.


	4. Confession

_**_If you are getting this as a story/author alert, this is a new chapter, but it occurs earlier in the story. Has some more missing scenes, including Edward and Carlisle discussing the first night on Isle Esme. I hope you'll read it. But don't worry! Today I am also posting the next chapter in the story (finally!) - Chapter 8 "Visitor". :)

_Check out my one-shot "Reckoning at Dawn" as a companion piece to Edward and Carlisle's discussion in this chapter._

_Thank you to Beta lada_8 for all her time and suggestions helping me work through this chapter.  
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_Stephanie Meyers owns all things Twilight!_

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The morning light brought no hope with it. Things were progressing fast, whether we wanted them to or not, right in front of our eyes. Everything felt shadowed by an oppressive cloud of uncertainty, fear and dread.

Esme cooked eggs for breakfast, which Bella pushed around her plate with an unhappy look on her face. I could tell she had no interest in eating. Now I sat watching Rosalie run her cold, white hand carefully over Bella's stomach, as Bella smiled at her, and I fought back the urge to scream.

_Son, can I talk to you alone for a minute?_ Carlisle was standing at the bottom of the stairs, looking at me solemnly. I pressed my hand gently to Bella's cheek and then followed Carlisle out to the dining room. He faced me, his expression thoughtful.

_I want to speak to Bella about her symptoms, try to pinpoint the exact point of conception, if possible. I don't want to make Bella uncomfortable, though. I am her doctor, but also her father-in-law. _He smiled slightly as this. _You and I have never had a chance to talk about how things…went on the honeymoon._

"Didn't Alice tell you what happened?" I muttered quietly. I felt unexpectedly uncomfortable.

"Alice told us only that things, were, well, successful the first night." I grimaced. Leave it to Alice to consider that night a success. Since I hadn't broken any bones or outright killed Bella, apparently congratulations were in order.

_When did you first have intercourse with her, Edward?_ Carlisle was struggling to remain respectful, to not overstep any lines, but he felt he needed to know everything he could to help us.

"The first night," I said quietly. With these words, the emotions hit hard. The guilt and pain from that night came rushing up through me, reminding me that I had hurt her, the one I loved. The memories viciously clawed at me. I braced myself against the shame, against the confession I needed to make.

"Carlisle." My whisper was rough, barely audible. "I hurt her."

Carlisle drew in a sharp breath, and his eyes flickered uneasily towards the living room where Bella was, and then back at me. _But Alice told us she was Ok?_

"The injuries were bruises. They…healed." It was agony to admit, to remember. Carlisle nodded slightly, his eyes still tense.

And then, the words poured out of me. It was actually a relief to release them. "Carlisle, I tried so hard to be careful, but, but I…I never expected it to be like that. I guess I lost control. I was overcome, it was just so much."

I lowered my head and closed my eyes, remembering. Bella's flushed face, the feel of her body beneath mine. Knowing it was too dangerous this way, yet unable, unwilling, to stop. My hand clutching her, drawing her closer. She was everywhere, everything, and I never wanted it to end. Then my control slipping, the venom pooling in my mouth…the feathers. I shuddered.

Carlisle sighed, his thoughts sympathetic. _Son, I know you tried your best, under what were extremely difficult circumstances. There was no long-term harm done._

I just shook my head, keeping my eyes down. He couldn't be more wrong about that.

"Well,"mused Carlisle. _At least, if you only made love that one time, it makes it very easy to determine the date of conception._

I froze at his thoughts. Biting remorse and shame washed through me, ice cold. I very slowly raised my eyes to meet Carlisle's. He had a quizzical look on his face, but as he took in my expression, his face froze, his eyes widening slightly.

"You tried again with her?" he whispered. His face was aghast. "Even given her injuries the first time?"

My shame at his horrified expression was staggering. How I wished I could be the person he saw, someone who would never take actions that would endanger Bella's safety. How immensely he underestimated my weakness, my selfishness.

And yet, how to explain to him the need that second time? Hers and mine. All those days, tortured by a desire that never waned, never abated. And then, unexpectedly, the feel of her hot skin pressing against mine, her desperate hands clutching me. Her pleading voice giving me the terrible permission my body sought. The stunning intoxication of finally giving in. There was no way to explain it.

"She wanted to," I whispered. _As if that excused my behavior_. It was hard to speak through the tightening in my throat. "I didn't hurt her again."

Carlisle's expression relaxed slightly. He reached out and touched my arm. _I'm sorry, Edward, it really isn't any of my business._ I shrugged miserably.

Carlisle stood up. "Well, I'm going to go and talk to Bella, see if I can get a better handle on when her symptoms started."

I grabbed his arm. "Carlisle." My mouth formed the words, making no sound. I did not want to be heard. "What are we going to do?"

Carlisle sighed, pain tight in his eyes. _I don't know yet, Edward._ _I need to examine her first, to better understand what we are dealing with. But for now, we can to keep her safe and comfortable. _He gazed at me for a second more, and then left the room, anxious to talk to Bella and determine the point of conception.

I didn't watch him go. I knew that Carlisle wanted to do his job, to be thorough, and I would let him. But I had no doubt when the date of conception was. I was sure it was our first night on the island. This seemed cruelly fitting to me. I remembered, in acute detail, the agonized horror of the moment I realized that I had hurt Bella, that I had let my own pleasure mark her precious skin. The overwhelming disgust in myself as I watched the bruises darken and spread in the light of the coming dawn, as I spiraled down into what I thought was one of my lowest moments. It was a bitter irony to discover that I had only known, then, a faint shadow of the devastation my selfishness had wrought on her that night.

I rose slowly and walked into the living room. Emmett and Rosalie were standing behind the couch together, their eyes trained on me. They had been listening to my conversation with Carlisle with great interest, although their reactions to it were completely different. Rosalie was feeling a little smug, having always thought I would not be able to give Bella what she wanted without hurting her.

Emmett, of course, was enjoying what he considered to be my subsequent successes. _Way to go, man. Finally!_ I snorted quietly.

Carlisle was sitting with Bella, explaining that he wanted to try to pinpoint the date of conception as accurately as possible.

"Normally, I would use the date of your last menstrual cycle, but with such a compressed time frame, and such accelerated growth, I'd like to try to be particularly specific. Try to go back and think about when the symptoms began."

"Well," said Bella, "The vomiting didn't begin until …the night Edward was away hunting." She glanced at me. "But then, before that, there were the, uh, intense dreams, the crying." She glanced again at me, blushing deeply over her face and down her neck.

I watched her carefully. "But Bella, remember, even the first morning, you were so hungry." I held her eyes as she nodded. Shock registered immediately in Carlisle's thoughts. _The first morning. So first night was point of conception. The symptoms started so fast. That's extremely fast._ I glanced quickly at him, but he didn't meet my eyes.

"OK, then." Carlisle patted Bella's leg and stood up. "If you are ready, Bella, let's go upstairs to my office. I would like to examine you and take some measurements, so we can track growth."

Rosalie whipped around the couch, standing directly in front of Bella.

"Absolutely not," she stated firmly. Carlisle looked at her in disbelief.

"Rosalie, I have an exam table up there. And appropriate lighting."

"No way," she said in an angry, cutting voice. "I know what you set that room up for, Carlisle. I was here. I know what you and Edward plan to do in there. There is no way Bella is setting one foot inside that room. Not today."

I took a step toward Rosalie, as Carlisle placed a hand on my chest. I glanced at Bella, but she was just watching me. I was confused and frustrated that Bella would let Rosalie speak for her. She was usually so stubborn, this was exactly the kind of thing that would usually set her off. But she just watched, silent.

"This is ridiculous, Rosalie," Carlisle said, but I could already hear the assent in his voice. I wanted to do something, but I felt trapped, Bella's eyes fixed on me.

I stood, watching, as Carlisle did his exam with Bella lying on the couch. He pushed up her shirt carefully, exposing her stomach. Where it was flat only a few days ago, Bella's stomach was now raised out several inches. I was infuriated to see how the thing had already contorted her body under her soft skin. Carlisle's sure hands ran over her skin, feeling gently. _So hard, so unyielding,_ he thought._ What is it encased in?_ _It would be difficult to remove. _He glanced quickly at me. _But not impossible, I think. Not yet._

How long did we have to convince Bella to change her mind, before it was too late?

Carlisle sighed, frustrated by his lack of information. He took out his tape measure and measured her stomach carefully. He told Bella he planned to try to measure her every few hours, to get an idea of the growth.

After the exam, Bella wanted to take a shower. I sat in the hallway, leaning against the wall while Rosalie prowled outside the bathroom door, where she had promised Bella she would stay. Rosalie acted like Carlisle or I were going to crawl through the bathroom vents to snatch Bella.

_Edward_. I searched my mind out. Jasper. I could see, through his eyes, where he was – in the woods, past the invisible line where vampire ears in the house could no longer hear. It was a place we all knew well. He wanted to talk to me, privately. His thoughts told me nothing else, except that he was unhappy about Bella. I glanced at the bathroom – Bella would not be done showering and dressing for at least 15 minutes.

I left the house silently, running through the woods. The path I was on seemed particularly concentrated with my family's scent, as if they had all passed this way numerous times. The realization came quickly, and the pain slammed into me, hard. This was the way to the house my family had been working on for Bella and I. I lost a step, then another, and then stumbled to a stop, bent over, clutching at a tree. The image of the little cottage had lingered, in a melancholy way, in my family's thoughts since we returned. I had pushed it aside before, but now it swelled up, inescapable, yet another symbol of all that might be lost. How had everything gone so horribly wrong, so fast?

"Edward." It was Jasper. "Are you OK?"

_How could I be_, I thought. I straightened up quickly. "It's nothing. What's up, Jasper."

He was standing across the small clearing from me, leaning against a tree, his arms folded over his chest. His expression was cool.

"So, what are you going to do, Edward?" he asked quietly. He was thinking about Bella.

"What do you mean, Jasper?" I muttered.

His hands fell to his sides, and he took a step forward. "Are you just giving up? Are you going to let that thing grow inside her? Are you just going to let her die?" The last words came out harshly.

I hissed, shocked by his intensity.

"Jesus Christ, Jasper. What the hell do you think? But what am I supposed to do? If I could even get Bella to change her mind, I can't get through Rosalie, not with Emmett and Esme backing her up."

Jasper's eyes narrowed slightly. "No one would stand in my way if it was Alice's life in danger," he said in a low voice. Jasper was certain what his course would be, if he stood in my shoes. He would do anything for Alice.

Jasper's inference made me angry. I would do anything for Bella, too. Nothing meant more. But couldn't he grasp how complicated the situation was?

"I am not giving up," I snarled in a fierce voice. "I will save her. There has to be a way."

Jasper strode across the clearing, putting his hands on my shoulders. His eyes blazed, dark golden brown rings surrounding a center of black.

"We can do this right now, Edward." His voice was low, persuasive. "We can go back and grab her, it would be easy. I bet we could slip in and out. And then we can figure things out from there. Don't let Rosalie stand between you and Bella, it's not right."

We stared at each other. I could feel him funneling his rash excitement into me. I wavered. There was something so recklessly liberating about the idea of getting Bella alone, getting her away from Rosalie, and the interfering eyes of my family.

Suddenly, the sounds of a fast approach. An angry whisper. "Stay where you are."

Alice. She flew into the clearing and separated us with her small hands. I felt the excitement drain out of me.

"Stop," she said. Her mind flashed with the different visions she had seen – Jasper alone, lurking through the house, Jasper and I together, scaling the walls. A blurry flash of Bella, crying in the woods. My heart ached painfully.

"Bella wouldn't want that, Jasper," I whispered. Plus it would terrify her. I had been prepared to do it, yesterday. But I hesitated now. I didn't know what the right path was anymore. "I can't."

Jasper's face was hard, but after a moment, he nodded. _I just want to help, Edward, whatever way you want. I just hope we can do something, before it gets too bad._

"I won't let her die," I growled, more to myself than him. I turned and took off into the forest, flying through the trees, flying back to her. As I approached the house I could see Bella standing outside, scanning the trees with her eyes. _Looking for me. _I jumped the river too fast for her eyes to see, and then walked more slowly up towards her.

Her smile was radiant. "Edward," she breathed. I felt the overpowering sense of relief I always did, seeing her again with my eyes after any sort of separation. I put my hand against her neck, pulse beating beneath my skin, and leaned over to trail my lips across the exquisite velvet of her cheek, pausing at her lips.

"I'm sorry I left," I murmured, and then pressed my lips, briefly, to hers. "I love you."

"I love you, too," she said. Those words were always a miracle to me.

I took her hand and we walked to the water's edge. Rosalie trailed behind, forever suspicious. Perhaps rightfully so this time. But how could Bella and I really talk with her here? The silence felt heavy between us. I thought about her silence during the exam. She didn't want to argue with Carlisle. But I knew, instinctively, that she also did not want to hurt me. She was always this way, avoiding the words she should say for fear they would pain me.

Standing next to her now, feeling her warmth, her scent, her hand in mine, my words to Jasper felt hollow. I had no idea what I was going to do. _Stay with me, Bella. Don't go. Don't ever leave me. Save yourself for me. _ But I had already said those words, and they weren't enough. I tried to think, to form the perfect words that would change her mind, this time.

Bella stopped then, as if sensing my anguish, and turned to me, placing a hand on my face. "It's going to be OK, Edward," she said in a soft voice. _No, it's not!_ My mind screamed.

"Oh," Bella suddenly exclaimed. I watched her expression in alarm. But she looked down at her stomach, a smile on her face. She moved her hand towards her stomach, automatically pulling mine with hers, and pressed it against the slight bulge. Then, I felt _it_ move inside her.

My reaction was instantaneous, unthinking. I ripped my hand out of hers, jerking it swiftly away from her body, as a low hiss escaped my lips. And then I froze, horrified by my grossly insensitive actions.

Bella lifted her face slowly up to mine. The shock and hurt painted across her expression took my breath away. I took an involuntary step backwards under the weight of it. Her empty hand flexed slightly, still lying across her stomach.

"I'm sorry, Bella," I whispered. Her liquid eyes held mine as the pain, slowly, began to drain out of her features, replaced by exhaustion.

Over her shoulder, Rosalie glared at me. _Some father,_ she thought.

I flinched at her thoughts.

"I'm tired," Bella said. "I want to go inside." She started towards the house, her arms wrapped around herself. Rosalie put her arm around her shoulders.

I watched her as she walked across the yard, each step taking her farther away from me, creating a chasm between us filled with unsaid words, pain and doubt.

As she disappeared in the house, I hurried after. I couldn't bear for her to go.

Bella laid down on the couch, staring off for a while, as I stood against the wall, watching her. Eventually her eyes gently closed, resting, but not quite asleep. _So exhausted_. I walked slowly over to her. I looked down at her, eyes closed, peaceful. Her face was so young, too young. My throat felt tight, as an ache grew in my chest. I knew I shouldn't touch her, shouldn't risk waking her, but I allowed my hand to stroke her soft hair, one time. Her eyes opened, clear and deep, and held mine, as she reached out and took my hand. She was my whole world.

Upstairs, Emmett and Carlisle were doing research online, looking first into the Ticuna Indian stories of the _Libishomen_. Information was scarce, but they had found one legend about a village visited by a demon that had left several women dead, their torsos mangled, their bodies drained of blood. The women were referred to as "The Mothers".

As I looked into Bella's eyes and listened to the tales of death upstairs, one thought revolved in my mind. _What am I going to do?_ I remembered when we had first met, how hard I had tried to stay away, to save Bella from the danger I posed. _Your number was up the first time I met you,_ I had told her. And, it seemed, then and now, Fate would not be undone. I had fought back death when it came at her, time and time again, but, even though I tried, I had failed to protect her from the greatest danger – myself. Because, ultimately, Bella had never wanted to be saved from me. Now, again, my presence in her life had pushed her onto the precipice of death.

_How was I going to save her? _When, once again, she didn't want to be saved.


	5. Motherhood

_Stephanie Meyers owns all things Twilight!_

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As we waited, helpless, to see what time would bring, we did what we could for Bella. Her comfort and happiness became the driving force in my family's existence. Bella was our center now, as we orbited around her.

On the third morning, Bella woke up hungry.

"I'm starving," she said as she stretched. Around the house, everyone stopped and listened. Feeding Bella had become a full time Cullen occupation over the last several days. She was barely eating, and nothing seemed to appeal to her. Carlisle was increasingly worried about her nutrition and strength. So if Bella showed any interest in eating, or requested a particular item, the Cullen family sparked into action. Hours had been spent shopping for groceries, pouring over the computer for recipes, cooking in the kitchen. Pancakes, french toast, pasta, soup, anything she could suggest, or we could think, of had been tried. Most of it ended up in the trash. Mostly she ate eggs. Or nothing at all.

Bella was, of course, horrified by this attention. She hated that everyone seemed to be going out of the way for her. She constantly begged us not to worry, not to go to so much trouble. But of course we did. What else could we do?

Bella stood up. She was still sleeping on the couch. Bella claimed she was more comfortable there, and I didn't argue. I think neither of us wanted to share the room upstairs with Rosalie.

"You know what sounds good?" An anticipatory silence fell over the house.

"What, love?" I asked gently, brushing her soft brown hair back off her face.

"A banana smoothie," she announced.

I stared blankly at her. My eyes flicked to Rosalie, who was wearing the same blank expression. I smoothed my features into what I hoped was a knowing look.

"Of course, I'm sure we have the ingredients for that," I said briskly. I forced myself to smile at her and moved into the kitchen.

Alice, Esme and Emmett were already in there, looking perplexed. Jasper was at the computer.

"What the hell is a banana smoothie?" Emmett muttered in low voice.

"I have no idea," I whispered.

"Got it!" Jasper whispered as he entered the kitchen. Alice grabbed the recipe and scanned it. She was wearing the pinched, pained expression that was a permanent fixture on her face these days.

"Hmm," she murmured. "We have these ingredients, but I don't know about a blender." She looked around the kitchen. Cabinets started to silently open and close as we searched. Apparently the well-stocked Cullen kitchen did not contain a blender. When it was clear we weren't going to find it, we all paused and looked at Emmett. He looked back darkly for a moment, then sighed, grabbed his keys, and stomped out to the garage.

Emmett had become the family gopher, the only one to leave the house in the last few days. Rosalie and I refused to leave Bella's side, and Esme couldn't drag herself away, fearing she might miss the chance to help Bella in some way. Carlisle didn't dare leave right now. And Alice was not well enough to go, and Jasper would not leave her. So, Emmett earned the job. He went back and forth to the grocery store at least once daily. And it was not just food that needed to be purchased. Second only to feeding Bella, entertaining Bella was the next priority. Emmett had made numerous trips to the movie store and various bookstores. We provided detailed lists of things we thought Bella might enjoy.

"There are thousands of books and movies in this house," he had groaned after making his third trip out in 2 days. "How can there be more to buy?" But he went, grudgingly, because he loved Bella, as did the rest of us.

While Emmett went out for the blender, I went back to Bella. It hurt to be away from her, even for a few seconds. She was standing by the glass wall, looking down at the river. Her stomach had grown impossibly fast over the last two days, and I cringed in misery at the sight of it. Bella maintained that all was fine, but I had seen the faint shadow of pain cross through her eyes, watched her body flinch slightly in the night. I knew she was growing uncomfortable, and the implications of this haunted me.

During the past couple of days it had felt as though I existed in some sort of altered state. For it could only be in some cruel, alternate reality that Bella would have a shadow of pain and death hanging over her, by my hand, and I would stand aside, as if shackled, doing nothing to stop its approach. And that was what it felt like. Her growing stomach was the physical manifestation of this threat, and as it stretched and contorted her fragile frame, its rapid, unrelenting growth mocked me, pulling the dark shadows closer.

I clenched my fists against a lash of guilt and anger, struggling to remain in control. I breathed in deeply, composing my face, and went over to her. I took her hands, pulling them up around my neck.

"Hi," I said, smiling down at her.

"Hey." Her answering smile was bright. I cradled her lovely face in my hands, trying to look past the fact that it was too pale, too thin. I stroked her cheeks with my thumbs, watching the blush rise under my fingers. She caressed my head, her small, warm hands carving paths through my hair. Her hands slid down my neck, under my shirt collar, to press, hot, against my skin. She pulled me towards her, and I leaned down, reacting to her touch. The thousands of pounds of despair that constantly pressed in on me lifted slightly as her warm lips touched my icy mouth. I breathed her in, intoxicatingly painful, and slid my hands down to her back, pulling her body close to mine. The bulge of her stomach pressed against me then, inescapable, and yet, somehow, wholly unexpected.

I involuntarily froze. _Damn. _I could not seem to control my reaction to this physical reminder of the nightmare. I tried to recover, but Bella realized what had happened. She stiffened and dropped her arms, pulling her mouth slightly away from mine. _Hurting her again_. I kept my eyes closed, cursing myself, ashamed. I kept her pressed close to me, and trailed kisses down her cheek to her neck, but her hands stayed at her sides. Her stomach, and what was inside it, remained, like an iron wall, between us.

I pulled back and looked into her eyes. They were surprisingly unemotional. Maybe she was becoming accustomed to my callous behavior. I released her all except for one hand, which I brought up to my lips. I kissed the back, and then her palm, and pressed it, soft and warm, to my cheek. Her eyes softened. Forgiven, yet again.

"Want to go for a walk with me later?" I asked her gently. Carlisle wanted us to encourage her to exercise, to keep her muscles fit. She smiled and nodded. I saw Rosalie glance at me through the side of her eyes, her mind already suspicious.

"Please feel free to join us, Rosalie," I said darkly. _You can bet on it, _she thought. Rosalie had been out of control the past couple days, hovering relentlessly around Bella, feeding the suspicion that Carlisle and I could not be trusted. She had only allowed Carlisle to do his cursory exams on the couch. Carlisle bore it with a patience I could not, as I held my lips in a tight line, choking back the words I wanted to fling at Rosalie

We stood in silence for a while, Bella watching the river while I watched her. What could she be thinking right now? The distance remained, although we were together every moment. It felt like we floated, circling around each other on the opposite sides of a sphere, so far apart on what was happening there was no way to come together.

I heard a car coming up the drive. Emmett. His thoughts were pleased – he had managed to find a blender at the store in Forks. I squeezed Bella's hand, and then went to the kitchen.

"Success," he announced in a low voice as he entered the kitchen. Alice and Esme had already prepared the ingredients, and put them into the blender. We watched as the blender ran, the ingredients churning into an unappealing grayish color. Esme took off the lid and we leaned over to look. Everyone jumped back. The smell was absolutely revolting. Even given all the time we had spent cooking the last few days, no one had gotten over the revulsion to human food. But this was particularly bad. Esme poured it slowly into a tall glass. It was thick and chunky. Emmett gagged and left the room.

I stuck a straw in it and carried it out. The others waited in the kitchen. We didn't want Bella to feel too much pressure to try it. I handed her the glass and stood back, rather horrified that anyone would want to ingest that substance. I saw Rosalie wrinkle her nose at the smell.

But Bella drank it down quickly, not even using the straw.

"That's good," she said, smiling up at me. I sensed Carlisle's pleasure from upstairs. He was glad to hear she was eating, and enjoying, something. When Carlisle was not caring for her, he was struggling to find information, combing through old books of legends and stories. He had Jasper and Emmett continuing to search on the internet. At night, when Bella slept, and a grim quiet spread over the house, I could hear them whispering quietly by the computer in Alice's room.

Bella leaned back, contented, against the couch, and then before my eyes turned white and then a pale shade of green. She lurched forward, vomiting onto the couch.

"Bella," I gasped, shocked, and gathered her into my arms. She had only vomited a couple times since we returned from Isle Esme, and we thought it was something that had passed. She moaned and leaned against me.

"I'm so sorry," she gasped into my shirt.

"Oh, Bella, no," I said gently. "Don't be sorry. You should never be sorry." I kissed her clammy forehead, and wiped her face gently with the towel that Alice had quickly brought. Alice and Esme worked swiftly to sweep away the mess, while Bella leaned against me. I noticed Rosalie sitting frozen, horror on her face. _Some caretaker_, I thought grimly.

_My clothes,_ thought Rosalie. I snorted. She looked at me darkly.

"Esme, you'll stay?" she asked quickly. Esme nodded, and Rosalie disappeared upstairs.

"It's OK, sweetheart," I whispered to Bella, smoothing her hair back. "You'll feel better now."

Almost as if in response to this, Bella vomited again. Esme was ready with a small bucket this time, but as she moved away to clean it, Bella suddenly moaned and bent over the floor, getting sick again. Esme and I exchanged uneasy looks. I glanced up at Carlisle, standing behind the couch, but as my eyes moved to his, Bella violently wretched again, sliding off the couch onto her knees on the floor.

"Bella," chorused several voices in alarm. Carlisle was around the couch in a flash, and we gently lifted Bella up, setting her back against the pillows of the couch. Her hands were shaking, and I clutched them in one of mine, pressing them to my lips. Then I reached around and pulled her body, still trembling, against my chest.

"You're OK, you're OK," I chanted, rocking softly, wishing more than anything it was true.

I kept waiting for it to stop, but Bella vomited repeatedly over the rest of the day. She could not keep anything down. She was desperately thirsty, but even the smallest sip of water came back up. Carlisle took over, and with his calm manner insisted Bella wait for a long while before drinking again. He stayed by her, patting her hand, whispering encouragement. But under his cool demeanor, Carlisle was extremely concerned. _She's losing so much weight. She needs nutrition, fluids._ _If this vomiting continues, things could get very serious, very fast. _

Panic rushed through me. Of course I thought the thing would kill her – it consumed my every thought, scorching its way into all the corners of my mind, leaving me only the small piece of sanity I used to drag myself through the hours. I had pictured its brutality in so many ways the last few days, horrible visions that were permanently etched onto my mind now. But now, not this way, too. Was this the beginning of a merciless deterioration? _Good lord, please, not this._

I pressed a cool cloth to her forehead and stared into Bella's miserable eyes, feeling an overwhelming swell of self-hate. Her face was very pale, still shadowed with a faint shade of green. Sweat made her hair stick to her forehead, and her eyes were red rimmed.

"Edward," she moaned. "I'm so thirsty, please give me just a sip of water." Her pleading voice tortured me, the sound of it like daggers through my skull. To think that I had ever denied her anything was impossible in this moment. I glanced desperately at Carlisle.

"Carlisle, it's been 20 minutes," I whispered desperately. "Let me give her something." He shook his head mutely. A sob hitched in Bella's throat, and I felt myself growing wild with the sheer misery and relentlessness of the situation.

Carlisle looked at me with concern. _Edward, go take a break._ I shook my head at him, seeing my frenzied expression reflected in his mind. _Your not helping, you can't deal with this. I can. Go get some space. It will be easier for Bella if you are not here._

I wasn't sure if that was true, but I got up and moved over to stand in the doorway of the kitchen. Bella had her eyes closed and did not seem to notice. I watched in silence for a while, and then sensed someone enter the kitchen. Rosalie. I turned to see her leaning against the counter.

"Where have you been?" I asked sarcastically, like I hadn't been able to hear her mind up in her room this whole time, warring between her disgust of the vomiting and her desire to come back down and latch herself to Bella again. Not to soothe Bella, though, but to watch over the thing inside her.

"How is Bella?" These were the words that came out of her lips, but her mind was only concerned if this vomiting might be bad for the wretched creature that was causing this whole mess. The long hours of despair at watching Bella's misery left me little to fight the anger that flared inside me now.

"Don't even pretend you care about Bella," I hissed.

"I do," she snapped. I was incensed, my muscles locking in sheer fury.

"Do you think I'm stupid?" I snarled at Rosalie. "Are you stupid? Did you somehow forget I can read your god damn mind!" I spat at her. "Don't tell me Bella's comfort is any kind of priority for you."

Rosalie growled, her face furious. She moved across the kitchen to stand just a foot away from me in the doorway.

"Shut up, Edward," she snarled quietly.

We stood for a tense moment. I noticed that her eyes flickered uneasily around, and I realized she was looking for Emmett. _Ah, but Emmett isn't here right now_. He was still returning from a trip to the store, to get some more drinks for Bella. I could hear his thoughts, and he was still a couple miles away. Not back for a few more minutes.

I let my anger get the better of me. I moved till I was very close to Rosalie, our faces inches apart. Too close. Threateningly close.

"I know you think of yourself as Bella's protector, saving her from me," I said in a low voice, barely audible, dripping with my fury. "But, where is _your_ protector now, Rosalie?"

Rosalie's eyes widened for a moment, but then narrowed into black slits.

"Get away from me, Edward," she hissed, and pushed against me with her hand, sending me back several inches. I shoved her back, harder than I meant, and she hit the door frame, splintering the wood.

Carlisle flashed between us.

"What is this?" he muttered in a low voice. We were silent. "How can I take care of Bella, when I have to listen to you two quarrel?" A flash of shame finally sparked inside me.

"How is she?" I asked Carlisle urgently. I looked back around the corner at the couch, but I could not see Bella's face. Esme was sitting with her.

"She is asleep, finally," said Carlisle. "Why don't you go out and see her, Edward? Rosalie, you go back upstairs for a few minutes."

"No, I won't," snarled Rosalie.

"Yes, you will." There was a hard edge to Carlisle's voice. "Esme is with Bella, and I promise you that she will not leave her side until you return." Carlisle looked at Rosalie, his eyes flat. "You do still, at least, trust Esme, don't you?" I was surprised by the biting tone of his voice. Bella's deteriorating health had pushed him too much for one day.

Rosalie stared back, her expression enigmatic, and then turned and disappeared. Carlisle slumped a little after she left, leaning against the wall as if for support. I started to go, and then turned around.

"Carlisle," I said in a low voice. He looked at me. He sighed, seeing the panic, the desperate questions in my eyes. _The fetus is making her very sick, Edward. I'm not sure why, or what it means yet. I'm sorry._

I nodded at him, and then rounded the corner and started towards Bella. Jasper was standing silently on the bottom step of the stairs, looking at me. He had been there the whole time, waiting, but had chosen not to interfere. He nodded once at me, and then disappeared up the stairs. Back to Alice.

I headed over to Bella, hearing the car pull into the garage. There would be hell to pay from Emmett, but it was worth it. I doubted, though, that he would leave Rosalie here alone again. Probably very wise.

Bella lay on the couch, asleep. A shaft of sunlight fell across her face, which shined slightly with a sheen of sweat. I pressed a hand to her cheek and it was too cool. My fingers brushed her lips, rougher than usual from lack of fluids, but still soft and warm compared to my icy stone hand. I slid my hand around to the back of her head, burying it in her soft hair, which glistened with red strands pulled out by the sun. I bent down and kissed her forehead gently. Then I gathered her carefully into my arms, careful not to wake her, and sat on the couch. Esme moved to sit next to us.

"Edward," she said tentatively. I looked into her soft, golden eyes. "I know," she said, "that you are not happy with Bella's choice. But, you must understand, that motherhood is a powerful, wonderful thing. Having a baby was the single greatest moment of my human life."

I ground my teeth together, infuriated that she was buying into Bella and Rosalie's delusions of a baby.

"This thing," I spit out, "is not a baby."

"Edward," Esme pleaded softly.

"Look at her, Esme," I snapped, looking down at the pale, thin, exhausted angel in my arms. "Did your baby kill you when it was born?" I instantly regretted the words as soon as they left my mouth. It was a terrible, cruel thing to say to Esme. Because her baby had, in a sense, killed her. Driven her to throw herself off a cliff in despair over his death. Esme looked away, her mind quickly filling with thoughts of the tiny, dying baby.

"Esme, I am so sorry," I moaned. Shame pulsed through me. Esme looked back at me, her eyes suddenly fierce.

"Don't be, Edward," she said. "Yes, he did kill me. His death did. But he also gave me life. I would never, ever wish to take away one moment I had with him. Being a mother, even for such a brief time, changed my life. Made me who I am today. Being a mother, then and today, is the most powerful force in my life."

I stared back at her, momentarily stunned by her strong emotions. Esme took my face between her small hands, and stared intently into my eyes, inviting me into her mind. She filled her thoughts with a memory from her human life, of holding her small, newborn son in the hours after his birth. The clarity and depth of the image, so vivid for a human memory, shocked me. She must have worked very hard to remember it so clearly throughout the years, in the minutes and hours she was truly alone in her own mind, away from me. I wished she hadn't felt she needed to hide this from me.

But she shared it with me now, giving herself fully to the memories, to feel and experience them. So strong was the recall, I felt physically immersed in her lost moments. Her bliss was overwhelming, holding the small, helpless infant. The utter sense of completeness, that all the moments of her life had lead up to this one. She pressed her lips against the infant's impossibly smooth, silky skin, drinking in its indescribable scent as she enveloped him, warm and soft, into her arms. She loved him, more than her own life.

The memory started to fade, as the pain became too much for Esme, and she began to pull away. She dropped her hands from my face and looked down for a moment. "Motherhood is a miracle, Edward," she whispered."Not a curse."

Esme's thoughts created a painful twist of emotions inside me. There was no way to deny the joy of these memories, and the conviction of her thoughts. But even having felt the strength of her experience, I still couldn't equate her feelings with what was happening to Bella now. I shook my head. _It's not the same,_ I thought miserably. _It's not the same. She won't even live to see it._

There was movement by the door. Alice, Jasper and Emmett were headed out for a hunting trip, and Esme was to join them. It had been unfortunate timing that when Bella and I arrived home from Isle Esme, they had not been hunting in well over a week. No one had wanted to leave since we got home, but finally the trip had been planned. It was coming up on 2 weeks now. They wanted to cancel after Bella's illness this morning, but I insisted they go.

Esme stood up to join them. _I'm failing him, _she thought miserably. _I don't know how to help him._ I stood up and gently laid Bella on the couch. Rosalie had returned, standing silent behind the couch. Her eyes were intense, and I knew she had been listening to my conversation with Esme. I went over to Esme and took her shoulders.

"Thank you, Esme," I murmured. I knew how much it had pained her to say those words, to think those memories. I managed a hard smile, and she pulled me in for a quick, fierce hug.

Esme looked up at me, her eyes soft. "Maybe things will be OK," she whispered. "Maybe this is a gift. Perhaps Bella was fated to be a mother. And you a father. You would be a wonderful father, Edward."

I shrank away from her words. These were forbidden thoughts, and my fists clenched to hold back the wave of emotions such words incited. Fatherhood was not destined for monsters such as me. In the over 90 years I had lived in this unchanging body, I had come to accept that I would always be alone. When Bella had come into my life, my path had been fundamentally, unexpectedly changed, bringing me a happiness I never expected to enjoy. And yet, I had never, even for a moment, doubted that certain joys were beyond my existence. Such thoughts were to be banished, untouchable. _Father_. That word would never be meant for me, and I pressed it far, far behind the walls in my mind.

A father did not impregnate his wife in a night that left her covered in bruises, cursing her to carry a creature that would brutally kill her in the end. _No. I was not a father. I was a monster._

I sighed and turned back to watch my family start out the door. Their pale figures reflected in the glass, glimmering slightly in the hazy late afternoon sun.

That was when Bella screamed.


	6. Pain

_A rough chapter for Edward (and Bella). A couple more chapters and we will be seeing our wolf friend. But don't worry this will very much remain Edward's story._

_Stephanie Meyers owns all things Twilight!_

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It is one thing to think about something hurting the one you love. To imagine it, to fear it, to dread it. It is something else all together to watch, helpless, as it begins to happen.

Bella's scream of pain froze us for an infinitesimal fraction of a moment, and then we moved. I flashed to the couch and scooped her up. Carlisle's voice was loud in my head. _Bring her upstairs!_ I flew up the stairs, meeting Carlisle half way. He carefully took Bella from my arms. Bella looked half awake, face cringing in pain, confusion in her eyes. Carlisle turned and moved swiftly up the stairs and into his office. We all followed. I could hear Rosalie behind me, mentally screaming about bringing Bella into the office, but I ignored her and she didn't say anything.

Carlisle's office had been transformed into a high tech hospital. He gently lay Bella down on the hospital table, and slowly pushed up her shirt to reveal her stomach. Her skin was already stretched so tightly over it. I was reeling with panic and fear. _What had it done to her? How had it hurt her? _ Her scream echoed painfully in my mind. I watched Carlisle anxiously, as his hands moved lightly around her stomach, occasionally pressing gently as his eyes studied Bella's face.

Bella was wide-awake now, having recovered from her unexpected flight up the stairs. She began protesting at once.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," Bella insisted, looking at everyone standing around her. "It was just a little kick, it hardly hurt."

I growled. "Bella, you are not fine. You screamed in your sleep. We all heard it."

"It just surprised me, I guess," she whispered softly, looking at me.

"There's no need to totally overreact," said Rosalie.

Bella was glancing around the room now, and her eyes grew wide. "What happened in here? Where did all this equipment come from? Where is your desk, Carlisle?"

Carlisle smiled a little, still examining her stomach. "Emmett put it in the garage. This equipment is for you, Bella. We aren't taking any chances."

Bella shook her head, rolling her eyes. Then she winced. My eyes shot to Carlisle.

"Ahh," he said. His voice was strained. He moved his fingers and we all bent close to look. On Bella's skin, only faintly evident right now, a large, purple bruise was starting to form.

I felt a violent, twisting horror inside my body asI stared, frozen, at the bruiseon her translucent skin. _It's already that strong. _The mark terrified me, a wretched, mottled symbol of what had happened, and what was to come. It had hurt Bella, and it would continue to hurt her as long as it was allowed to grow inside her.

I noticed Jasper backing slowly out of the room, a hard expression on his face. The scent of the leaking blood of the bruise was permeating the air, and had surprised him. His thoughts were fractured. _Blood. Too strong. Get away._ He disappeared out the door. I listened carefully to his mind to make sure he would not return. Alice showed me a vision of Jasper standing outside by the river.

Bella looked at her stomach. "Oh," she said, her voiced colored with surprise. Then she shrugged. "Bound to happen, I guess."

I sucked in my breath as I stared at her in furious disbelief. Did she honestly think this was OK? Did she really think I was going to stand by and let this thing continue to hurt her?

Bella saw the expression my face. "I bruise easily. Always have, you know that, Edward." Her voice was more sure now. Rosalie nodded in agreement.

"Bella," I choked out. Surely she must see, must understand, what this thing was going to do to her. I looked up at Carlisle, pleading with my eyes_. Say something, do something! Make this stop!_

Carlisle looked at me, reading my expression. _I can try_, he thought, unconfident with his chances of shaking Bella's resolve.

"Bella," Carlisle said softly. "This is exactly what we feared. And this is only the beginning. The fetus will continue to grow and get stronger, and the injuries will get worse and worse. There is still time to act, to try to get it out. I would make every effort," he paused briefly, "to try to get you through it still human." A flickered memory of Carlisle's vision of changing Bella passed through both our minds.

Bella's eyes widened, and she looked confused. "Get it out? But it might be too soon, he might not be able to survive on his own yet."

A flash of pain crossed Carlisle's face. He looked down for a moment, and then back into Bella's eyes. "I didn't mean that it would survive, Bella."

Rosalie hissed, and put her hands on Bella's shoulders. Her eyes flashed between Carlisle and me. Bella's face turned hard.

"Why are you even talking about it then, Carlisle?" Her voice had an angry edge. "I thought this was clear, decided. I am seeing this pregnancy through to the end. No one here is still thinking otherwise, are they?" Her eyes searched the faces in the room, and then rested on me. She looked at me for a long moment.

My mouth opened. So many things I wanted to say, to scream, anything to make her see reason. _Don't upset her, Edward,_ warned Alice in my head. She showed me a blurred vision of Bella's face, anguished and pale. Alice was looking at me but I didn't meet her eyes. I pressed my lips tightly together for a moment, and tried to collect myself.

I reached over and took Bella's hand, holding it with both of mine. I rubbed my thumbs gently against the silken skin of the back of her hand, and then moved my fingers along hers, feeling the delicate bones, the intricate joints. I folded her fingers over and brought her hand up to press against my lips. Then I raised my eyes to hers.

"Bella," I said quietly. My voice sounded rough. "I can't let it hurt you."

It was silent in the room, except for the steady beating of Bella's heart. I looked into her soft eyes. I looked for something I might recognize, something that might give me hope. Confusion, doubt, or even fear. Something that might help me change her mind. But her gaze was steady.

"I can do this," Bella whispered to me. Her face was intense, and her eyes moved to take in everyone in the room before coming back to me. "I am strong enough to do this, and I will do it. You know that, right? "

I stared back, and didn't answer. Her eyes narrowed slightly.

Carlisle cleared his throat, trying to change the subject. "The ultra sound machine will be here in a couple of days, we will know a lot more then. For now, I'm going to take an x-ray, just to be sure I don't see any other injuries."

Bella spluttered. "Ultra sound machine? X-rays? Here?" She watched as Carlisle pulled the portable x-ray machine over to the table. I looked questioningly at Carlisle.

_Internal injuries. Possible broken bones,_ he thought. I clenched my teeth, angry again. This was madness. How could we just stand here, and let this happen?

Carlisle positioned the machine over Bella and took a few pictures. Then he suggested we take her downstairs while he developed the film. I went to pick up Bella but she pushed my hands away.

"I can walk myself," she said, her voice cool, and swung her legs off the table. I looked at Carlisle in concern – what if she aggravated an injury? _I think it is just a bruise, Edward. But I wanted to take the opportunity to get the x-ray, get a better look at things, while I could. _He glanced at Rosalie.

Bella started for the door, Rose and I close behind. Suddenly, she stopped and lurched forward, throwing up onto the floor. There wasn't much left in her stomach to come up. Both Rosalie and I shot forward to steady her. I was faster, and knocking Rosalie aside, took Bella's arm.

"Oh," moaned Bella softly. "I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing," I said quietly as I lifted her into my arms and took her downstairs, Rosalie inches behind. Rosalie was more determined than ever to not let Bella out of her sight.

I set Bella down on the couch, and she immediately rested her head against the pillow and closed her eyes. I wasn't sure if she was dozing or avoiding me. I watched her closely, waiting for any more signs of pain, another injury.

_Edward._ Carlisle was standing at the bottom of the stairs, holding the x-ray film. His face was creased with anxiety. He motioned for me to come over. Bella's eyes were still shut, so I crossed the room to him. He handed me the x-ray, his expression pained. I looked at it carefully. Half of it showed Bella's body, her ribs. The other half was completely obscured. I touched it, wondering.

_The fetus is protected by some sort of outer casing, a womb, very hard and dense. My hypothesis is that the womb is made of something similar to vampire skin. It looks like one of us would under an x-ray machine. I know the story you heard was that the creature would tear its way out. I think, it probably uses its teeth to exit the womb._

I stared at him, horror twisting my face.

_We cannot let it get to that point. She would never survive. We need to remove this thing ourselves. Open the womb with our teeth, in a controlled situation, if we have any chance of getting her through this. And we have a better chance if we do it soon, before the fetus grows larger and stronger._

"My God," I muttered. My mind was in flames, engulfed by the vision of one of us tearing into Bella's fragile body with their teeth. It was excruciating, beyond reason. And yet, Carlisle felt if we did it in time, we might save her. And I would do anything for that.

"Let's get it out now," I growled, in a voice too low for Bella to hear. Rosalie's head whipped around and she glared at us. She called Emmett in a quiet voice.

_Yes, well…_Carlisle paused and glanced over towards Rosalie. Emmett and Esme had quickly joined her, and they were all watching us closely. I saw Bella open one eye, and then quickly close it, assuming her sleeping pose again. I actually suppressed a smile. I knew she had been faking. Always such a bad actress.

_Hopefully we will know more with the ultrasound. That information will be crucial. It may give us much more of an idea of what we are dealing with, so we can decide the safest way to proceed. However, _he mused,_ if it is like vampire skin we probably won't get an image._

I nodded. The phone rang, and everyone internally groaned. _Charlie again_, thought Carlisle_. _

I went over to Bella. She had pulled the edge of her shirt up and was fingering the bruise. It had expanded and darkened considerably. The sight of it froze me.

Bella glanced up at me and quickly pulled her shirt down.

"It's nothing," Bella said smiling. "I've had much worse bruises than that one."

I flinched in horror at this, and Bella flushed dark red, quickly realizing what I was thinking. Of course, she had not been referring to the bruises I had inflicted on her the first night on Isle Esme, but how could I not think of it. How could I not compare those bruises to this one? I was responsible for both. I shut my eyes briefly, wishing I could erase both images from my mind..

When I opened my eyes, Bella was looking at me, pale now, eyes horrified. "Edward, I…" She faltered.

I smiled gently at her and shook my head. I leant down and pressed my lips against her neck, my hand stroking her hair down the length of her back. Then I ran my fingers lightly up her back. She shivered and sighed, leaning against me.

Bella didn't cry out in pain again that evening, although I knew it was hurting her. She was clearly trying to control her reactions, but I could see it in her expression. She was sick a couple more times. I sat on the floor by her head, singing her lullaby, hoping she would sleep, and escape the misery for a little while.

When her lids grew heavy and finally closed, I realized her stomach had grown far too large for her to sleep comfortably on the couch. I decided to bring her up to our room, to sleep in the bed. Rosalie acquiesced. I picked her up as gently as I could, but her eyes flew immediately open.

"Where are we going?" she whispered.

"Upstairs, to bed," I whispered quietly. She didn't protest. She wrapped her arms around my neck and pressed her cheek into my chest. The warmth of her skin lay right where my heart should have been beating. I carried her quickly up to the bedroom, and laid her carefully down. She immediately sighed happily, rolled over and fell back asleep. It had been foolish not to bring her up her sooner. I cursed myself for more bad judgement.

Rosalie, trailing inches behind me, went to stand by the window. I glanced over to see Emmett standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame, arms folded, face dark. Apparently Rosalie had shared our encounter in the kitchen, and I had been right – he would not leave Rosalie alone, at least not tonight.

He glanced over at Bella, his face softening slightly. He thought she looked so small, so vulnerable, lying in the big bed. He was horrified, by the sickness, by the bruise. He couldn't imagine how I felt, couldn't imagine what it would be like to see Rosalie so ill, to see her in pain.

But then he looked back, his face hard again. Whatever sympathy he might feel, he was also murderously angry with me for pushing Rosalie. _Keep your damn hands off her, Edward, _he thought. I narrowed my eyes and looked down at Bella. I was making no such promises tonight.

Bella suddenly let out a small scream.

"Bella", I gasped, leaning over and taking her hand. Bella's eyes flew open for a moment, and then they closed again and she rolled over. I waited, uncertain. Then she cried out and flipped on her back. Again I checked her, but her eyes were still closed, although her face looked pinched in pain. I realized that asleep, with her guard down, the pain she had held in earlier slipped out. I stood, frozen, watching in horror, as she twisted in the bed, flinching, crying out several more times, still asleep.

_Stop hurting her, _I begged inside._ Leave her alone. Hurt me instead. Please don't hurt her._ But there was no one to plead with.

Finally, at some point in the night, Carlisle came in. He gently pulled down the blanket and pushed up her shirt, wanting to check her. Several more dark purple bruises were forming.

My chest seemed to crush in on itself as I stared at the bruises. I knelt down, groaning.

"Oh God, Carlisle," I whispered. He laid a hand on my head for a moment, and then covered Bella back up.

He turned to go, but then Bella's body jerked violently and she cried out "Edward."

My body felt weak with the pain in her voice. I pulled myself up and crawled across the bed, kneeling over her, my hands against the mattress on either side of her body.

"I'm here, Bella, I'm here," I said, my voice breaking. "I love you." Her eyes opened and focused on me. Her face was strained with pain, and a tear glistened in the corner of her eye. One of her hands pressed against her side. I leant down, kissing away the tear, and then brushed my lips slowly over every part of her face. Her eyelids fluttered, and then closed, as she fell back into a restless sleep.

Carlisle checked her again, and we saw the biggest bruise yet beginning to form. I knelt back, pressing my fists against my eyes, frozen in anguish.

Finally, Bella fell into a deeper sleep, and seemed to rest comfortably for a few hours, without pain. _Maybe it is sleeping, too, _I thought grimly. But as rays of sun began to filter through the trees, her eyes flew open and she groaned, clutching the side of her stomach. A new day of horrors had begun.

And so the nightmare continued, as it intensified, and darkened. Time began to pass in a blur, a haze of sickness and pain. In the morning, Bella was still unable to hold down any food or drink. The vomiting continued, no matter what we did. She tried to choke down sips of water, but it almost always came back up. Carlisle was beside himself over this. _Dehydrated. Malnourished._ His thoughts screamed at me. We all watched, horrified, helpless, as Bella weakened. And yet, the thing inside her continued to grow, sucking life out of Bella into itself. Her stomach stretched, terrifyingly large. And as the creature grew, it became stronger, and so did the pain.

Bella fought to put a good face on things. She was determined to show she was strong enough to deal with this. She constantly reassured us she was fine. She gritted her teeth to keep from letting a cry slip through her lips. But she couldn't hide everything. Throughout the day, she would clutch her stomach, breath sucking in, pain coursing through her eyes. Each time killed me. Her pain was a physical substance to me, an acid, seeping into my skin, burning through my veins, shattering my bones, vicious and unrelenting.

By the end of the day, I was on my knees, begging for her to change her mind.

"Bella," I moaned, my face pressed into the couch. "Please, please, let us help you. Let us end this. I can't, I can't watch you in pain any more." Rosalie hissed and leaned over, trying to push me away from Bella. But Bella waved her away.

I felt Bella's hand touch my head, smoothing my hair. I looked up at her. _Her face is so thin_. Her eyes were anxious, searching my face. She was actually worried about me. The world was a cruel, crazy place.

"Edward, he doesn't mean to hurt me." She stroked her stomach lovingly with her other hand. I pressed my face back into the couch.

"Bella," I whispered. "Why? Why? If I had known you wanted a baby, I never, never would have put myself in the way. I never would have taken that away from you." I had not wanted to rip motherhood from her grasp. I didn't want to take away her dreams. _But you did. You took away everything._

"Edward," she said. Her voice was earnest. "I honestly didn't want a baby, before. Truly. I only wanted you, more than anything, you know that."

"And now?" I whispered, hating myself for asking the question.

Bella looked pensive, as if trying to figure out the best way to explain something.

"I didn't want children. I had chosen my path, and nothing made me happier. But when I first felt him move inside me" – she paused and closed her eyes briefly, as if remembering the moment – "I was…I was fundamentally changed. In that moment, I knew I wanted him. I knew I couldn't live without him. Just like I can't live without you. I want you both."

"But Bella." My voice choked. I couldn't look at her, but I had to ask it. "What do you think is in there?"

She sighed. "I'll admit, Edward, I have my visions of what he looks like. But…" She paused for a moment. "When I met you, I wasn't sure, really, at first, what you were. I just knew I couldn't stay away from you. So, it didn't matter, what you were." She ducked her head down a little, trying to catch my eyes. "Do you remember when I said that to you?" she asked softly.

I nodded my head miserably. _Of course I did_. I remembered every word she had ever said to me. I remembered every touch, every breath, every heartbeat. They were all burned in my memory.

"It doesn't matter. I love him." Then she echoed her words from the past to me, and they terrified me as much now as then. "It doesn't matter what he is. It's too late."

Too late. It could not be too late. _Never say that!_ My mind screamed. _Never say that._

Bella paled at the anguish in my face. "It's going to be all right, Edward," she said quietly.

That night was worse, an eternity of watching Bella thrash and cry out in pain. I felt trapped in a purgatory of torment, watching Bella suffer, powerless to stop it. I knelt beside her, holding her hand, whispering and singing to her. She woke up several times, and I kissed her face softly and sang to her until she fell back to sleep. Carlisle stayed with me this time during the long night, a silent, stone pillar of support by my side.

As dawn began to break, I noticed that Bella was too warm. She tossed uncomfortably, tugging at the blankets, and her hair was damp with sweat. I quietly got into the bed with her, getting under the blanket, but being very careful not to touch her. I hoped that my cool body might help make her more comfortable. But, of course, she sensed my presence, and scooted over until her back was pressed against my chest. Her body burned, hotter than usual, against me. I laid an arm carefully over her, and she took my hand, hugging it close to her chest. I pressed my face into her hair, inhaling deeply.

As I laid beside her, my mind went over and over my mistakes. I never should have made love with her on Isle Esme. _It is more than that, though, _I thought miserably. _I never should have touched her at all._ _I never deserved her._ The truth, as obvious now as it had always been, was that I should never have come back after I left the first day I saw her. I wondered why I had ever thought that a monster, such as me, could have the happiness I did with Bella, without some sort of terrible consequence? And now, she was in pain, she was dying, because of me. In the end, despite everything, I couldn't keep myself from hurting her. The agony and guilt felt endless. They burned through my whole body, consuming me slowly, piece by piece, as the sun slowly rose.

In the morning, Carlisle suggested that maybe we might try giving Bella some medication, maybe morphine, for the pain and to help her sleep. Rosalie was immediately suspicious.

"Would that hurt the baby?" she asked, eyes narrowed.

"I'm not sure," said Carlisle patiently. "I think it would probably be fine."

Bella and Rosalie shared a look. "Probably," spat Rosalie. "What kind of answer is that? Sounds too risky."

"I'm sorry, Rosalie. I've never dealt with a pregnancy like this before," Carlisle said, an exasperated edge to his voice. "Bella," he said gently. "This is your decision."

Bella looked again at Rosalie, and then shook her head. I ground my teeth.

Finally, later that day, on our fifth day home from Isle Esme, the ultrasound machine arrived. Carlisle set it up immediately. _It's ready, Edward, _he thought.

I was sitting on the couch. Bella laid next to me, her head on a pillow in my lap. She had been napping, the pain and her inability to hold down any substance leaving her exhausted. Her hair was scattered around the pillow, framing her face. I stroked the dark circles under her eyes, then brushed my hand gently along her cheekbone, too prominent now, on her thin face. The creature was sucking away her energy, her health, her life. But it could not touch her beauty. She glowed, as bright and lovely as ever. Her beauty shone not just from her face, but from her soul. I vowed I would never let it be extinguished.

This was it. We would try the ultrasound. Try to get some answers. If Carlisle's theory was correct, we would end this. Today.


	7. Intervention

**If you got this as an author/chapter alert, I did post a new chapter, but it occured earlier in the story and I moved it to chapter 4 - it is called "Confession". I hope you will read it! I also posted the next chapter in the story - chapter 8 "Visitor". Sorry for any confusion!

_Stephanie Meyers owns all things Twilight!!_

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As I waited for Bella to wake, the sun began its descent in the sky, skimming the tops of the trees before dropping behind the wall of the forest. Soon it settled below the hidden horizon. _Twilight again_, I thought. I let the sadness settle in my soul. The melancholy of the passing of the day took on a haunting new meaning, when you feared that time was limited for the one you held most precious.

Bella moved restlessly, and opened her eyes. I leaned over and kissed her on the forehead.

"Bella, love," I said, trying to sound casual. "The ultrasound machine is here. Would you like to go upstairs and try it?" She shook her head eagerly, her eyes bright. She was actually excited to get a look at this thing. I sighed and started to gather her in my arms. The phone rang.

"If that's Charlie, I want to talk to him," said Bella quickly. I grimaced, and heard a chorus of quiet sighs echo throughout the house.

"Bella, love," I said. "You're not feeling well, let Esme talk to him."

"No, I want to," she persisted. "He is so upset, so worried. I want to make him feel better."

Bella had been insisting on talking to Charlie by phone, feeding him the story, rather ingeniously thought up at the last minute by Carlisle, that she was sick, contagious, and in quarantine. During the first phone call, it had been a difficult struggle keeping Charlie away, culminating in a few moments of panic and hasty preparations to leave, before Carlisle was able, speaking in his most professional, stern voice, to dissuade Charlie from coming to the house.

Before Bella and I had left on our honeymoon, Jasper had insisted on talking about what our plan was, if things didn't "go well", and I had to change Bella while on the Island. Safety and secrecy were his greatest concern, given that everyone in town knew I was away with Bella.

I had sat silently in the other room listening to Carlisle, Esme, Jasper and Rosalie talk and plan. This was not a conversation I could bear to have.

Jasper thought the easiest, and most convenient, plan was a small plane crash on the way home from the honeymoon. Wreckage and bodies never found. But I had told them that Bella was hoping that maybe, after a year or two, when she was ready, she could see Charlie again, maybe even Renee. She didn't want them to think she was dead, just far away, unreachable.

Jasper thought this was a risky, foolish plan, as did Rosalie. She was very vocal about all the obvious problems with this idea. Esme tried to back up Bella's position – Esme was deeply saddened at the idea of Bella's parents losing her forever. Carlisle was torn, wanting to appease Bella while also maintaining the safety of the family.

In the end, no true decision had been made. If something went wrong, the story would be that Bella and I were staying on the island, indefinitely, unreachable by phone, until we figured out a plan.

But now, to have Charlie know we were so close, to let him talk to Bella, feeding his hopes that he would see her soon, all the while probably making him very suspicious, made the situation extremely tenuous.

Bella held out her hand expectantly, and Esme appeared with the phone.

After her phone call, I scooped her up in my arms to bring upstairs. I was anxious to get on with the ultrasound – I could stand no longer our utter ignorance of what was truly going on inside her.

"Put me down," she protested.

_Foolish girl_. I ignored her, heading up the stairs.

"Bella," I said. "You are at risk of falling down these stairs on your best days, forget right now." She bit her lip and then gave me a small smile, knowing I was right.

I laid Bella carefully on the table, and Carlisle pulled back her shirt, exposing her stomach. Under the harsh lights of the office, the bruises on her stomach were truly a gruesome sight, and I couldn't help my sharp intake of breath. Bella glanced quickly at me, her face pained by my reaction. Rosalie, Emmett and Esme stood around the table as well. I held Bella's hand, and noticed with annoyance when Rosalie, standing across the table from me, picked up her other hand.

Carlisle put the gel on the ultrasound probe, and then placed it on Bella's stomach. She sucked in a breath – it must be cold.

"Sorry," whispered Carlisle. He looked carefully at the screen, and his mind flooded immediately with disappointment. I looked at the screen too, trying to make sense of it. He moved the wand all around. _Doesn't work. Can't see anything._ _Confirms my theory. _He sighed, and flipped off the machine.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I can't make an ultrasonic image of it." Bella and Rosalie looked disappointed. My panic began to escalate.

"Carlisle," I said. "If we can't see it, how can we know what it is? This is crazy. Madness. Without any information, how can we let this go on?" My voice started to rise. I was having trouble hanging onto my control. I didn't dare look at Bella.

_Calm down, Edward,_ thought Carlisle. "Well, we could try doing an amniocentesis. That would entail using a needle to extract fluid from the womb, although I am very skeptical we could find a needle made of a substance that would penetrate it. But if it worked, I could run tests to figure out more about the fetus."

Both Bella and Rosalie sucked in their breaths. "Needles," muttered Bella.

"No way," said Rosalie. "Too dangerous."

I hissed. "This is ridiculous, Rosalie. How can we help Bella if you won't let us do anything?" I snapped.

"You are not sticking a needle in there," she growled.

"Then, at least, let us give her some morphine, for the pain," I demanded.

"Absolutely not," snapped Rosalie. "It might not be good for the baby."

"Good for the baby!" I gasped in disbelief. _This thing is not a baby! _I screamed in my head. "What about Bella? Do you care at all about her?" I was livid. Rosalie was pushing me to the breaking point.

"Of course I do," she snapped. I snarled quietly and glanced at Carlisle. He was looking down, frowning, as if he were deciding something. He looked up at me. I quickly shook my head when I read his plans in his mind. _She needs to know all the facts, Edward. It is her choice. Plus, maybe it will change things._

"Bella," Carlisle spoke, his face serious. "I think the fetus is encased in something rather like vampire skin. That is why we cannot make an ultrasonic image of it. Based on what Edward heard on the Island, and the research we have been able to do, we believe the fetus will exit the womb by using its teeth to tear it open." He paused. Bella's face had frozen – she couldn't hide her shock at this image. I felt a grim sense of hope, that she might finally realize the danger of the situation. Carlisle looked pained, but continued.

"We don't want to let it get to that point. So, I am thinking, the plan should be to remove the fetus ourselves, when the time comes. With our own teeth." His eyes tightened, and his next words came out as barely a whisper. "Before it kills you."

Bella stared at him for a long moment. My emotions were churning now, threatening to boil over. This had to be the moment that she gave in. This information had to make her see reason. If not, I didn't know if I could hold myself back anymore, without going crazy. I watched Bella's face, and then my heart sank as her expression turned from fearful, to stubborn, and finally thoughtful. She took a deep breath.

"Yes, well, I guess that sounds OK," she said calmly.

Rosalie nodded. She had guessed as much from overheard conversations. "I think that makes sense. As long as we wait until it is safe for the baby."

I snapped. My emotions poured out, beyond my control.

"NO!" I roared. "This is not Ok! None of this makes sense! I can't take this anymore." My voice was too loud, filling the room.

"Edward," gasped Bella.

I looked down at her. Her eyes were wide. "Bella," I said, desperately. "I can't stand by anymore, watching this thing hurt you. Watching you waste away. This has to end."

"No one is ending it," snarled Rosalie. I looked at her, fury in my eyes.

"I'm sick of you, Rosalie," I shouted. "Stay out of it! We have to get this thing out! We have to do it before it's too late!"

"No, Edward!" cried Bella. I didn't look at her. I didn't want to unleash my anger at her.

"It's too soon! It's not safe for the baby to come out yet," yelled Rosalie. She gripped the table with both hands, leaning towards me.

"I don't care about that! We can't wait anymore!" I thundered. I sensed Alice and Jasper come into the room behind me. _Stop it, Edward, _Alice thought desperately. I blocked her out. "What if this thing starts to tear its way out of her before we can stop it?" I snarled.

"Well, that's a risk we are willing to take," said Rosalie in a steely voice.

"Even if that risk might end up killing Bella?" I growled. Rosalie just stared at me, silently. She tried to keep her mind blank, but I could find no denial in her thoughts.

All the rage, all the resentment that had been building up towards Rosalie exploded out of me. I roared with fury. My arm shot out over the table to grab Rosalie. My fingers were a fraction of an inch from her neck when a larger, stronger arm seized mine and dragged it back, wrenching it behind my back along with my other arm. Rosalie hissed and I snarled loudly, struggling to pull my arms free.

"Stop!" roared Carlisle. His voice echoed loudly off the walls of the room.

We all froze, and turned, slowly, to stare at Carlisle in shock.

In the over 90 years I had been with him, I did not think I had never heard Carlisle raise his voice in anger. None of us had. Silence fell, as we all looked at him, stunned. His face was calm but his eyes blazed with fury as he looked directly at me. He was angry with me.

"Edward," he hissed, anger flickering in his eyes. I stood motionless, locked in his gaze. Emmett dropped my arms.

_Look what you are doing to her! _ I looked down, and then I understood. Bella was hunched over on the table, her face in her knees, her hands pressed against her ears. Her body convulsed as she sobbed silently. My anger all drained away, leaving me with only shame and fear.

"Bella," I cried quietly. I picked her up and cradled her in my arms, and she wrapped her hands around my neck, pressing her face into my chest, sobbing harder. I carried her, gently, down the stairs to the couch. Mercifully, no one followed for once. I laid her down, carefully, and knelt beside her.

"Bella, I love you," I said, miserably. What else could I say? "I love you so much."

She looked up at me, and under her tears, her eyes blazed with emotion.

"I love you too," she whispered. Her hands reached up and grabbed onto the back of my head, and she pulled herself up and crushed her lips to mine. My body reacted instantly, and I kissed her back eagerly. _Oh god, this feels good. This is the way to forget, to escape the misery, even for a few minutes._ Her soft skin, her scent, her pounding heart, they all filled me. Her warm fingers clenched in my hair. I pulled away from her mouth as she gasped, moving to her neck, across her collarbone, and back up to her mouth. _Heaven._

I wanted to press her against me, to hold her like I had on the island, during those sweet, too short days, with nothing between us. But I didn't dare touch her. I was kneeling next her, and I clenched the couch on either side of her with my hands. _Too fragile to touch_, my mind screamed. _Too thin, too weak!_ I kept my hands against the couch, resisting the urge, as she pressed her lips, hard, against mine.

And then she was pushing me away, small hands just a flutter on my chest, but I moved away immediately.

"Edward," she gasped. She brought her hands to her face and rubbed the tears out of her eyes. Her hair was tangled and wet with tears. Pale skin stretched tight over her thin face, and her sad brown eyes were rimmed with red, pleading with me. "I need you to understand. I need you to want this baby like I do. I need you to love him, too."

I stared at her for a moment, emptiness filling me, and then slowly shook my head. "I can't, Bella," I choked, my voice agonized. "I can't."

Her face crumbled, and new tears began to pour out of her eyes.

"Edward," a loud, clear voice rang. I looked up. Alice. She was standing at the top of the stairs, for once her face smooth, the pain not evident. Carlisle was standing behind her in the shadows, his face grave. I stood up automatically.

_Enough,_ thought Alice.

And then Alice was standing in front of me. Her face was hard. Esme moved to comfort Bella, blocking us from her view. Alice put her tiny hand on my chest, and pressed me several feet backwards. Emmett and Jasper appeared behind her, their dark eyes flashing intently. Alice was blocking her thoughts. But Emmett and Jasper were under too much strain to keep me out effectively, and I saw their intentions. Alice was upset with me. She wanted to talk to me, alone, away from Bella. She suspected I wouldn't want to come. Emmett and Jasper were there to remove me to another room if I wouldn't go quietly.

Suddenly Jasper disappeared, and I felt him standing behind me. The plan was for him to grab me, try to calm me into a state of lethargy, and then they would take me quickly out of the room. It was a foolish plan, it wouldn't work. They should have known that. But then I caught the tenor of another thought from Jasper. _Thirst._ I remembered how his eyes had glinted, dark gold with a growing ring of black, when he was in front of me. And as I cast my mind around the room, I realized everyone was fighting their thirst. I couldn't believe I had not been more mindful of this, but I had just been so distraught over the last couple days. My throat burned, but I welcomed the pain. Relished it. It was a fraction of what I deserved. Others in my family, however, had their limits. The last planned hunting trip had been abruptly cancelled by Bella's unexpected scream. Did they ever take that hunting trip? Had they gone even once since we got home?

I felt a stab of fear. I did not want any of them losing control around Bella, even if it was just in a struggle with me. Too risky. I would cooperate, keep things calm, safe. Alice had never even had to say a word. She probably saw it happening this way all along. I looked down at her stonily.

"Let's go," I said.

_Thank you, _she thought.

I followed her into the dark dining room, Emmett and Jasper behind me. I sat down in a chair, and Alice stood in front of me, her arms folded across her chest.

"This has got to stop," she said.

"No kidding," I said angrily.

"No, Edward," she shook her head. "I mean that you have to stop."

I stared at her silently. I wasn't sure what she was getting at. Her thoughts were scattered, moving quickly. She took a deep breath, and then her mind came into focus.

"Right now," she said slowly, deliberately. "You are hurting Bella, killing Bella, more than that thing inside of her."

I froze. I stared at her, unbelieving. What was she trying to do to me?

Alice's eyes softened, and she knelt down in front of me, and took my hands in hers. "Edward," she said quietly. "We all know…well, we don't know, but we understand, what you are going through. As much as it is tearing us up, it is destroying you infinitely more. But every time you show Bella what this is doing to you, with your face, your words, your actions, you attack her strength. You make her pain worse, you make her heart work even harder. The stress is too much for her."

My throat seemed to constrict with pain and sadness. "But what do you want me to do?" I choked out. "I can't just stand there, watching it hurt and kill her, and say nothing, do nothing."

"You can," Alice said gently, holding my eyes with her own. "At least in front of her. It is crushing Bella, what this is doing to you. And your anger and revulsion towards the fetus, the…" Alice paused briefly, "the _baby_ that she loves. That is hurting her more than you can ever know."

"But I have to help her," I whispered.

"Then help her by supporting her. Taking care of her. Loving her," Alice said firmly, standing up. "That is your job right now. We are all filling our roles. Emmett and Jasper are doing research. Carlisle is worrying about the medical side of things. I am, unsuccessfully, watching her future."

"And Rosalie?" I said darkly. Alice grimaced, and glanced briefly at Emmett. His face remained impassive.

"Rosalie is helping in her own way. At Bella's request."

I was silent. I felt something mounting inside me, something dark, and uncontrollable.

"You need to do your part too, and stop making this even harder for Bella," Alice said gently. "Do you see, Edward?"

_Did I see?_ I looked into Alice's eyes, but I did not see them. I saw Bella's stomach, covered in violent purple marks, in the bright lights of the office. I saw Carlisle's eyes, angry, glinting back at me. I saw Rosalie, her face smug, taking Bella's hand across the table. I could feel Emmett's hands holding my arms behind my back. I could hear Alice's voice in my head, telling me to stop.

I saw Jasper in the forest, fight in his eyes. Esme holding a newborn infant. Alice's destroyed visions of the future. Bella, running across the airport, into Rosalie's arms.

And over all that I saw Bella's eyes. Bella's eyes when I told her that I couldn't love the thing inside her. Red and tired, overflowing with tears, confusion, sadness and loss. And a ghost of the past shimmered then, those same eyes, unfathomable depths of liquid brown, looking up at me under an arch of flowers, the sweet smell of freesia, orange and lilac enveloping us. Her eyes were sparkling and alive, looking at me with love, trust and hope.

The magnitude of it crushed me then. I felt something deep inside break, something crucial and elemental to my control. And I knew I had to get out of there.

Jasper pulled in a sharp breath and stepped back, assaulted by the unexpected force of my emotions. I got up and flew wordlessly from the room, out the back so Bella would not see me, pushing aside the calls of concern from the minds in the house at my departure. Instead, I let the waves of rage and anguish roll over me, let them have their way with me, as I flew over the river and began to move through the forest. I let myself run full out for a minute, feeling the gentle whip of the wind on my face, letting my emotions speed me as they built and built, and then at their pinnacle, I forced my feet to stop. I could not, would not, go too far from Bella. I never wanted to be far from Bella.

I let the emotions out of me in a way I couldn't in the confines of the house. I tore the nearest tree out of the earth by its roots, and threw it with all my force, relishing the release of my muscles, at another helpless tree. They fell to the ground with an echoing smash. Several more followed after that one, my hands lashing out to clutch, tear and fling anything within reach.

"Why?" I shouted, feeling release in the violent expulsion of air from my lungs. I unearthed another small tree, crushing through it with my fingers until my hands were fists filled with the crumbled remains of wood. I threw it aside and with both hands I pushed against a large trunk, a gentle giant of the forest, and it creaked over slowly, pressing in the tree next to it, as the desperate shock of the surrounding wildlife vibrated through me. Then I wrapped my arms around it, halting its movement, hopefully saving it for another generation. I lay my forehead against the bark, and became still.

Finally, I looked up. My destructive outburst had created a small opening in the ceiling of the forest, and some of the night sky and stars were visible between the trees. I unwrapped my arms from the tree trunk and lay down on my back on the forest floor. I looked at the stars, flickering beacons on endless black, hoping for peace, but all I could see was the dueling visions of Bella's eyes that filled my mind.

I sighed. There was escape in the physical release of my emotions, but not salvation. The infinite desperation of the situation remained. Bella was still sick, still in pain. It was still my fault. The future I had seen when I looked in her eyes under the arch that day was beyond my grasp now. _Why had this happened? _I would not find the answer to that question out here. Perhaps there was no answer. So, for a few minutes, I just let myself feel - the fear, the anger, the disappointment. And then, I could think about what Alice had said.

I knew Alice was right. I needed to stop showing my overwhelming emotions, and get under control. The depths of my anguish was hurting Bella. It caused her too much stress, and that was making her even sicker. I had seen it in her eyes, in the color of her face, in the way she held her body. For someone with Bella's depth of compassion, she could not see the hurt in others without hurting herself.

I also thought about my family, the image of my three siblings standing in front of me in the dining room burning in my mind. I knew they loved me. They loved Bella. My family had put their entire lives on hold, without a second thought, to help her. When Bella decided to spend her life with me, she tied herself not only to me, but to my whole family. And those ties were strong. I knew that Bella's pain, her uncertain future, was destroying them as well as myself.

_Bella._ My anger now released, the overwhelming need to see her, to feel her under my hands, warm and alive, drove me up and back towards the house.

I went over the river and around the back. As I moved past the garage, I noticed someone had left the garage door open, and a hint of red flashed at me. Rosalie's convertible M3. Her favorite. I moved swiftly, without thinking, and my hand whipped out and pulled off the hood. My fingers gripped the metal of the engine, pressing in several inches as the metal groaned, and then I clenched and tore it out, throwing it down in front of me, where it met my foot and flew through the air, smashing into the far wall. I shuddered with satisfaction.

When I reached the house, Alice was sitting on the stair by the door at the back, her elbows on her knees and her chin resting on her fists. She was waiting for me. I walked up and stood in front of her for a moment. Her forehead was creased, as she concentrated, as always, on Bella's future. The visions were blurry and unreadable, creating an ache in her head, and I watched with her for a minute, sharing her pain. Finally, she looked up at me.

"You are right, Alice, about causing Bella stress," I said. "I will try to do better."

She nodded, a small smile on her face. We were silent for a moment.

"Can you see my future, Alice?" I whispered.

Alice frowned.

"Not really, Edward." She sighed. "Your fate is tied too tightly to Bella's. It is hard to see very far. I saw that you wouldn't leave Bella to come to talk with me if I didn't bring Emmett and Jasper. I saw that you would come back after you left." She showed me a vision of the two of us, talking as we were now.

Alice stood up, eyes intent on mine.

"But Edward." Her voice was low, urgent now. "I don't need my vision to see that this birth is going to happen. You cannot change Bella's mind. You cannot stop this."

I shook my head slowly back and forth.

Alice sighed, and placed her hands on my shoulders. "Think about it. You've shown," her voice was confident, "time and time again that you are the strongest of us all. I know you can do this, Edward. Give Bella what she needs from you."

She jumped lightly up, and kissed me on the cheek. "You know I love you," she said.

I patted her soft, dark head. "I love you too." She smiled and twirled around, heading back into the house.

_And I want to see Rosalie's face when she finds out what you did to her car,_ she thought.

"Hmm," I muttered, and then followed after her. _Edwards back_, Esme thought in relief at the sounds of my entrance.

I went back through the dining room and stood for a moment in the doorway, looking at Bella. She was sitting up on the couch, and Rosalie was brushing her long hair. It looked like she had taken a shower. She was wearing an oversized shirt, one of mine. It still stretched tight over her stomach.

I was resolved to follow Alice's orders. I would do better by Bella, outwardly, controlling my anguish. I had to try to hide how this was destroying me. But in my dead heart, I knew I would never stop fighting to save Bella from this, never stop looking for a way to change things, as long as there was still a chance. Inside, I was still fighting. Inside, I was still burning.

I started to walk into the room when Carlisle stopped me. His face was anxious.

"Edward," he said, "I owe you an apology. I should never have raised my voice like that."

"No, Carlisle," I sighed. "You were right. I was hurting Bella, and needed to be stopped."

"Still," he said, frowning. "I know what a terrible strain you are under. I shouldn't have gotten angry."

"You are under a lot of strain too, Carlisle," I reminded him. He was almost as distressed as I was. Hearing his thoughts in that moment, I realized how much Carlisle blamed himself for what was happening. He felt responsible for not warning us that this was a possibility, even though it was something he had never imagined.

I squeezed his shoulder and went towards Bella. Rosalie's mind was filled with glowering suspicion about the sounds from the garage, and I ignored her. _All in good time, _I thought.

"Hey there," I said. Bella looked up at me, her eyes wary. I smiled at her, trying to make my eyes match my expression. She gave me a small smile and reached up to take my hand. Her touch was like an electric shock. Her eyes glowed up at me, and, of course, the love was still there, always there. I kissed her gently on her lips, feeling the jolt current that always ran between us.

Suddenly, she sucked in her breath and bent over, her face tightening. It seemed there was no reprieve from the pain.

"Bella," I whispered, dropping down to my knees. She squeezed my hand and I stroked her hair until her face relaxed, although pain still danced in her eyes. She lay down and I knelt beside her, my arms around her. She closed her eyes, and slowly drifted away.

My mind was quietly working. As the hours passed, an idea began to grow in my head. It crawled in, uninvited, and at first I tried to force it back out. But as I watched Bella in pain, heard her cries, the idea gained strength, began to expand and work its way into my every thought. I hated it, despised it, and yet appreciated it at the same time. Something that might provide a spark of hope. Something that might be able to change her mind. Change the future. Someone.

Jacob.

She loved and connected with him in a way even I still didn't fully understand. He might be able to get through to her, where I couldn't. Perhaps, I wasn't sure how yet, he might have the power to change what was to come.

And if he couldn't, and if I wasn't able to save Bella, well, then I had another favor to ask him.


	8. Visitor

_So, so sorry for the long delay getting this chapter out! Have been posting my story on _Twilighted_ and ended up re-editing a lot of the chapters. The next chapter will come much faster! __I also added a new chapter earlier in the story - chapter 4 "Confessions". I hope you'll read it. Also, the bit in this chapter about Edward and Rosalie's car is from a new scene I added in the previous chapter "Intervention" (during the conversation with Alice)._

_We are entering into the scenes covered in BD. I do not plan to follow SM's text word for word - I really want to continue to concentrate on many of the missing scenes we did not see in the book, as well as Edward's POV of some of the more crucial scenes (like when he hears Renesmee's thoughts). But I will spend some time on this first scene with Jacob, b/c it is important (and long!)._

_I truly appreciate all your reviews, and read them all. Thank you, thank you!_

_A special thank you to Beta lada_8 for taking time out of her vacation to look at this chapter._

_Stephanie Meyers owns all things Twilight!_

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For beings like me, immortal and strong, it seemed that no amount of denial of the needed resources for health and life could bring us to an untimely death. But for others, whose bodies and lives are but a fragile shadow of ours, that point will come, and come quickly. The creature had taken and taken until Bella had nothing left to give. It had been relentless in its pursuit, and now its success was shockingly complete.

Because she was dying. Bella was dying. But not by the violent death we had all feared. Instead, Bella was simply going to die of thirst and hunger.

Bella lay asleep, curled up on her side facing the center of the bed. I stood at the foot of the bed, watching her, as the morning light began to creep in, casting a pale gray hue around the room. It touched Bella's face, accentuating the shadows of the protruding bones, and reflecting against the pale prism of her skin.

The house was grimly quiet. My family tried to keep up the veil of normalcy during the day, for Bella's sake. But, while she slept, we let the misery and hopelessness take us. Alice lay next to Bella on the bed, face to face. She was gently smoothing the hair around Bella's face, her hand stroking along Bella's soft skin again and again. The pain in Alice's face was not from the ache in her head. Esme was sitting with her back against the far wall, curled up in a small ball with her head buried in her knees. Her body occasionally shook with silent sobs.

Rosalie was worried as well. She stood, looking out the window, her hands in tight fists. She would not voice her concerns aloud. She continually insisted that everything was OK, even having the gall to suggest Bella's nausea and vomiting were "normal". But I knew that even she could now see the severity of it.

Carlisle entered the room. He stood quietly next to me, checking Bella by sight and sound. His thoughts were scattered and futile.

_I'm sorry, Edward, _he thought without looking at me. _I'm failing her. I don't know how to help her. _

I shook my head. My eyes flickered to Rosalie, and I felt a rush of anger. Carlisle did want to help Bella by trying IV fluids and nutrition. Bella vomited every form of sustenance she ingested – Carlisle hoped that by feeding her intravenously, she might be able to absorb it. But Rosalie continued to refuse to allow Carlisle any needles or tests. I reached one hand forward and grasped the wrought iron of the bed frame, fighting the rage and misery, as I recalled yesterday's confrontation on the subject.

"I don't think you should let them do it," Rosalie had said to Bella. "It gives them too much control, over you," – she placed a hand on Bella's swollen stomach – "and over him."

Bella had looked miserably down at her hands, as I fought to control my frustration with Rosalie, filling that small promise to myself not to make things harder for Bella. To keep my emotions in check, hidden.

"Please Bella," Carlisle had said. "Please, let me try to help you. You're measuring 24 centimeters right now. If you continue to gain at about 2 centimeters a day, that mean's there is at least a week until the birth ." Their eyes met for a long moment. "I don't know if you can last that long." His voice dropped to a rough whisper. "There will be nothing else I can do for you."

Bella glanced at me, and our eyes had met briefly. I was chilled by what I saw. For they held perfect understanding of what Carlisle was not saying aloud. _Yes,_ her eyes said. _I know. Dying. And it doesn't change a thing. _The decision had been put off another day.

I watched her sleeping face now. My hand ached to touch her, my fingers twitching unconsciously at my side in their desire to curve themselves around the contours of her face, and to feel the exquisite velvet of her skin. I clenched my hand into a fist, willing it to be still. _Dying. _ I was overcome by a constant sickness. It was rooted deep inside me, but reached up to clench at my stomach, my chest, my limbs and head, twisting and heaving, tightening my throat till I couldn't breath. It stripped away my senses, my knowledge of existence, leaving me blind and deaf to everything but Bella.

Carlisle sighed and went over to Esme. Wrapping an arm around her waist, he lifted her up and drew her into his arms, kissing her forehead. She leaned against him as he led her from the room.

Bella woke later than usual, and it was mid-morning before she got out of bed. In an odd sort of irony this pallor of death had, at least, been accompanied by a slight diminishment of the pain. Bella had slept more soundly this night than any in the past several days. Carlisle was beginning to hypothesize, silently, that Bella's weakness was also finally now weakening the thing inside her. We all put on our carefully guarded faces and began the morning routine. Alice scrounged around for something that would fit over Bella's distended frame. After a typical protest, Bella let me carry her down the stairs, Rosalie trailing me.

I settled Bella onto the couch. Rosalie encouraged Bella to drink a little water, which she choked down unhappily. I dreaded the moment it would come back up, as I was sure it would. Bella idly flipped the TV channels while we all stared at the screen.

With a loud bang, the back door flew open and Emmett stomped in. He was covered in grease, and had a very disgruntled expression. At the sight of him, Bella unsuccessfully stifled a giggle.

Emmett had been assigned by Rosalie the job of repairing the car I had destroyed the other day, and without her guidance it was taking him a good long time. Rosalie had stewed stubbornly the entire night after I came back from the forest about the noises in the garage, and finally in the morning had given in and asked Emmett to go outside and take a look.

_Thanks a lot, Edward,_ he had thought when he surveyed the damage. He had dragged his feet back into the house to let Rosalie know.

As he described the damage her mouth and eyes grew into large circles, rounder and more horrified than I had thought possible. And then the expected tirade had started. I never ceased to be amazed by the ugly sentiments that could come out of what many would consider a very beautiful mouth. Once she had called me every name possible, she started yelling at Alice for not stopping me, since she must have seen a vision of it. She even spent some energy berating Carlisle and Esme for "over-indulging" me all these years, and raising a "spoiled, self-centered brat".

Finally, in a slightly hysterical voice, Rosalie demanded that Emmett go out and destroy my favorite car in retribution.

Emmett's eyes had widened, and he stared at her for a long moment. Finally, he sighed and shrugged his shoulders apologetically.

"Damn, woman," he said. "You know I love you, Rose, but…" He swallowed hard, and started to back away, "but not enough to destroy a perfectly good Aston Martin."

Rosalie caught up with him in the kitchen. An altercation ensued, with Rosalie vacillating between attacking Emmett and cajoling him to do her bidding. But Emmett stood his ground, saying nothing except for the occasional "ow" and "hey". Alice and Jasper were doubled over, shaking with silent laughter, and Bella buried her face in her hands to cover up her smile. Finally, after a particularly loud crash, Esme had gone in to break up the fight, concerned about her Italian marble countertops.

Rosalie could have, of course, gone out to the garage and exacted her revenge herself. I would not have lifted a finger to stop her. But she knew that, and refused to give me the pleasure of getting her away from Bella's side, even momentarily.

Emmett just glared briefly at everyone now, and marched up to stairs to his room, slamming the door shut.

It was not long until Bella drifted back to sleep.

Carlisle came quietly to my side.

"Esme and I are going to take a quick hunting trip. Then, I want to go to the hospital to pick up some more supplies – I need some things for the intravenous feeding. When we return, the others should go hunting as well." He was aware of my concerns about my family's thirst around Bella.

"Wait a minute," said Rosalie quickly. "I said we were not going to do any sort of IV or needle."

"I'm going to get the supplies," said Carlisle in a steady voice. "We are going to have to try it, Rosalie."

"She's kept down the water I gave her earlier," Rosalie said.

"For now," Carlisle said flatly.

"How do I even know what you might put in those IV lines?" Rosalie snapped.

Carlisle's eyes iced over. "I will not respond to that comment," he said in a low voice, and turned quickly and went to the kitchen, to see if we needed anything else for Bella.

Rosalie's teeth snapped together, and she strode after him into the kitchen to continue the argument. As I watched her leave my eyes narrowed, and I glanced down at Bella. Regretfully, she was still asleep. If I could take this opportunity to talk to her, away from Rosalie, maybe I could convince her to try the IV. Perhaps…

I heard a sharp intake of breath from upstairs, and, as I glanced up, Alice appeared at the top of the landing. Her face was stricken with horror, and she was looking down with panic at Bella.

Bella's blurry future had abruptly disappeared.

_Check her, Edward,_ she thought desperately. Confused, I frantically reached for Bella, placing one hand against her heart. I could feel the beats as I heard them. I put the other hand against her stomach. It was still. She looked and sounded fine, but did not stir.

_I don't know what it means, Edward,_ thought Alice,_ but I see nothing._

Bella still hadn't moved. Frightened, I grabbed her shoulders and shook her, a little too roughly in my panic. Her eyes flew open.

"Hey," she gasped in a dry voice. Relief, cool and immediate, washed through me, although I did not relax my grip. She was all right, for now. I met Alice's eyes. Something, or someone, was shrouding our future.

"What the hell are you doing to her?" Rosalie yelled. She stood, furious, in the kitchen doorway. "Get your damn hands off her!" She flew across the room, wrenching my hands from Bella shoulders and knocking me sideways off my knees. I caught myself with one arm.

"Edward, are you OK?" Bella said, struggling to get up and move towards me. Rosalie pressed her back onto the couch, angling her body between Bella and I.

I found Alice's eyes again. Jasper was with her now, hand on her back.

"Are you OK, Alice?" he asked in a low voice.

She nodded slowly. "Actually, I feel great," she said. Realization had begun to grow on her._ Which one is coming? _She thought.

I didn't know yet. A moment of silence fell. Carlisle stood in the doorway to the kitchen, looking confused. Esme was peering around him. Rosalie was still standing, seething, in front of the couch, Emmett at her side now, his eyes wary. Bella's eyes were trained on me, filled with worry. I cast my mind out as far as I could.

Suddenly I felt, from a distance, a blistering mental wave of emotion. A mind was swiftly approaching our home, seething with anger and hate. As it grew closer I picked my name out of its thoughts, and it was only another second before it came close enough for me to identify. For it was a mind I could easily distinguish, anywhere. A mind I was intimately familiar with, whether I wanted to be or not. Jacob was coming.

_So, I'll just walk in, see Sam's precious evidence for myself, and then challenge Edward to a duel…_

So, he thought Bella had been changed, or maybe even killed. I wasn't exactly sure how he had come to that conclusion – but I had to guess he talked to Charlie. It was the news he had been waiting for, and I'm sure it hadn't taken much for him to convince himself it had happened. So now he was coming to confirm that I had as good as killed the girl he loved, and then he would kill me for it.

I had wanted to see Jacob, to see if he could help me change Bella's mind. I searched, now, for the source of that hope. How quickly things had deteriorated. And how could he comprehend that, soon enough, for me, death would be a welcomed blessing.

_When I'm finished with him, I'll take as many of the rest of them as I can before they get me…_

I sucked in a quick breath. To threaten me was one thing, but to make threats against my family was another. Leave it to Jacob, I thought, in his immature impetuousness, to take things too far. And if he really believed Bella had been changed, what was he going to do when he got here. Kill her? I truly knew he could never do it. He, as always, had acted rashly. Jacob would never kill Bella, whatever she looked like, whether her heart beat or not. He would let her kill him first, long before he raised a hand to destroy her.

_Who is it, Edward?_ Alice thought, intently now, with an edge of frustration, as she saw the comprehension grow on my face.

"Jacob," I muttered in a scarcely audible voice.

"What?" hissed Rosalie. Bella started and stared at her.

I spoke in monotone. "Jacob is coming. He will be here in two minutes. He thinks I've killed Bella or turned her. He's coming to kill me and then the rest of you." I said all this too low for Bella to hear.

My family's reaction was not calm like mine. There was an outburst of growls and hisses. Jasper grabbed Alice's hand and they flew down the stairs. Carlisle moved cautiously to a window, looking out, while Esme remained in the kitchen door, hand pressed against her mouth.

Bella had paled. "What is it?" she whispered in a small voice.

I sighed. There would be no way to hide this from her.

"Jacob is coming here, right now, Bella."

She looked shocked, and then a wide smile formed slowly on her face. "Jacob's coming," she murmured. "I'm so glad."

Unexpectedly, at the sight of her dawning smile, the ghost of the old jealousy clawed at me. _Stop it, _I thought. _Don't make this about you, again._

"He is…upset," I said in a quiet voice. "He has heard that you are sick, and he does not believe the story."

"Oh, no," Bella gasped, worried now. "He's assuming the worst, isn't he? That I'm a vampire now." Her voice was raspy in her dry throat.

_The worst?_ No, Jacob had no idea of what the worst was. Not yet.

"Damn mongrel," growled Emmett. "Come on, Jasper, let's meet him outside before he gets too close to the house."

"No!" Bella tried to cry. It came out has a harsh whisper. "He's just confused. Let me talk to him."

"No way," said Rosalie. She looked at me wildly. "Was this your idea? Did you ask him to come here, to help you?" Her mind was filled with an absurd speculation of Jacob, Carlisle and I joining together to gang up against her. Still, I was shocked by how close to the truth her train of thought was. I had wished for Jacob to come, to help, because of his distinct connection to Bella.

_Ugh. Reeking vampires…_

"Shh," I muttered. "He's here."

Jasper pulled a sharp breath between his teeth. _Edward,_ he thought, _his anger is intense and unchecked__._ Jasper's hands clenched into fists as he fought to control this unexpected onslaught of emotions. Alice gave him a worried look.

"Bella," whispered Carlisle. "We shouldn't let him in the house. It's not prudent. He might tell Charlie."

"But Carlisle…" said Bella.

"I don't think he should be near you," whispered Rosalie. "He is going to feel the same way about this as Edward. I don't want him in this house or anywhere near you."

"No, Rose," Bella protested. "I want to talk to him."

"Maybe you could give him a call," suggested Emmett. Bella gave him an incredulous look.

"Bella," said Jasper in a low voice. "I know he is your friend" – his mouth twitched slightly at the word – "but he cannot be involved in this." His voice had an angry edge to it I had never heard him use with Bella before, and Bella's face blanched slightly in surprise. I knew his mood was being influenced by the angry emotions emanating from Jacob. I gave him a hard look, and he closed his eyes, searching for a source of calm.

"I'm going to try to talk to him and ask him to leave," Carlisle whispered.

"It won't work," I muttered. Jacob was far too relentless, as I had learned first hand. And I didn't think anything would keep him from seeing Bella now, regardless of what he feared he might find. Plus, maybe somehow, I owed him the opportunity to learn the truth, although the cost to both us would probably be great.

"Let me talk to him," I whispered. I stood up and started to move toward the door.

Bella gasped in a quick breath, lurching over her stomach to grasp her side with both hands. I heard her heart stutter and for one terrible moment stop, before restarting at a quickened pace. I tried to moved to help her but Rosalie shoved in front of me, so I stood, helpless, my hands in fists, waiting for Bella's body to relax.

_Stay, Edward, _thought Carlisle. _I'll talk to him._

As Jacob's footsteps approached, my family's eyes all moved with concern to Bella. They took in her fragile, unhealthy form, and an ingrained fear gripped their minds. They circled around Bella in a defensive position, Jasper and Emmett moving to the forward positions. Although the relationship with the werewolves had grown during the events of the spring, instinctively, they were still the enemy, still dangerous. And my family moved automatically to defend its weakest member, as Carlisle opened the front door.

"Hello, Jacob," Carlisle said in a grave voice. Jacob's mind registered chagrin and disappointment that it was not me.

"Here," whispered Jasper, grabbing the blanket off the back of the couch and giving it to Rosalie. "Put the blanket on her to disguise her stomach."

"Yes, yes," Rosalie whispered in agreement as she quickly spread the blanket over Bella's body. "We can tell him that she is too contagious for him to come close. We can't let him see her stomach."

"Why not?" Bella asked. "Are we keeping secrets from Jacob, too? What's the point?" Rosalie opened her mouth to protest but with a swift look at everyone in the room Bella spoke loudly. "Come in, please, Jacob."

At the sound of her voice, Jacob pushed past Carlisle and entered the room.

The assault on the senses was immediate. Jacob was excited and angry. Adrenaline coursed through his blood, and the air around him was heavy with the scent of it. It mixed unpleasantly with the noxious scent of werewolf that clung to him.

His heart thundered in his chest, and served as a sudden, stabbing reminder of how weak Bella's heart had grown over the last week. Everything about his body sang with health, strength and life. The chilling comparison to the weakened, unhealthy sounds of Bella's body pierced through me. Impossibly, she suddenly seemed even worse. I felt myself collapse inward a little more.

Jacob scanned the room, stopping to take in my face, and his thoughts filled with shock and fear. I did not take my eyes from Bella to meet his, but looking at myself through his mind, I could see that my attempts to hide my emotions from Bella had been in vain. Desolate pain and hopelessness was painted across my burning features.

His eyes slid down to Bella.

_Her warm, clean, human scent…_

His burst of relief at her lingering humanity was fleeting as his sharp eyes forced him to take in Bella's physical presence, the dark circles under her eyes, her thin and fragile form.

And he could not even appreciate all of it, like my senses allowed me to. How her heart beat weak and uneven. How her breaths were shallow, her lungs no longer fully expanding. I could almost hear her body dying, the individual cells screaming for nourishment.

But what Jacob saw was enough to freeze his heart with fear. _She is sick. Very sick. Not a lie, _he thought.

I sensed Bella stiffen and glance at Rosalie, who grabbed a basin. She coughed and gagged miserably as she threw up into it. I fell down to my knees next to the couch, but Rosalie held out her hand to keep me away, still wary.

"Sorry about that," Bella said weakly to Jacob. She had thrown up most of the water she had drunk earlier. Why did we keep trying? _Damn Rosalie. _It was like torturing her – she was never going to keep it down. Nothing we did worked. The sickness rose up inside me again, and everything blurred out except Bella, as a wave of hopelessness engulfed me, pulling me under, powerful and cold.

A groan left me and I leaned my head against the couch. Bella pressed a soft hand, pulse beating faintly in its veins, against my cheek.

Jacob moved suddenly toward Bella.

_God dammit, _thought Emmett, moving to intercept.

But Rosalie got there first. She hissed, standing between Jacob and Bella. _Filthy, disgusting dog, _she thought. _Stay the hell away from her._

Jacob didn't care about Rosalie. He looked right past her.

"Rose, don't," whispered Bella. "It's fine."

_Edward,_ snarled Emmett in his head.

"It's OK," I breathed quietly, hardly more than a breath exhaling, even to Jacob's sensitive ears. I did not fear Jacob – I knew he was in no danger of phasing now. But, also, I understood Jacob in a way my family did not. They could not look past the werewolf in him, to see what I knew with all my useless heart – that Jacob would never hurt Bella. He loved her too damn much.

_So help me, Edward, _Rosalie fumed. _If he as much lays a hand on her I will obliterate him, and then tear you to pieces._ But she moved out of the way, taking up a defensive position by Bella's head.

"Bella, what's wrong," Jacob whispered. He knelt down beside her and took her hand, noting her icy skin. _God, she still feels warm to me_, I thought. "Are you alright?"

"I'm so glad you came to see me today, Jacob," Bella sighed.

Her easy acknowledgement of her pending death cut like a knife. Another moan escaped my lips, and I pressed my face into the blanket to stop it. I heard Bella's heartbeat rise slightly in anxiety, and her warm angel's hand, which was still resting on my face, moved to stroke my cheek now. _Pull yourself together, Edward_, I thought. _You are upsetting her. _But I couldn't seem to drag my head up.

"What is it, Bella," Jacob pressed, his voice more insistent. Would she tell him? And what would she say? I didn't really care, but my family did. They all tensed, and a low growl escaped Jasper's lips. They watched as Bella met all their eyes, a searching expression on her face. _What did she want?_ She turned to Rose, yet again.

"Help me up, Rose," Bella whispered.

_Ahh,_ I thought. She would tell Jacob by showing him. That probably was best. Words alone could never suffice to fully explain this nightmare.

_No, _snarled Jasper in his head. _He cannot know this. It's not safe. Do something, Edward! _ But I was beyond it all now. What could possibly make this situation more dangerous? At least to Bella.

_I will find a reason to rip his throat out,_ thought Rosalie, her lips curling back over his teeth. But she leaned over and gently began to help Bella stand up.

"No!" whispered Jacob. "Don't get up." He was loathed to trouble her. I pitied him momentarily for the moment of realization facing him.

"I'm answering your question," Bella snapped, as she started to rise. I still did not look up. I moved my head off Bella and pressed it into the couch. Her warmth and scent lingered there, though they were a faint shadow of the real thing.

Jacob's eyes took in what his mind was slow to acknowledge. The vision of her form assaulted his brain, the bloated stomach stretching out of her body, until it grasped the cruel, impossible truth. Pregnant. Impossibly pregnant.

Jacob's mind coursed with fury and disgust. _I don't want to imagine him inside her. I don't want to know that something I hate so much has taken root in the body I love. _His mind then slowly made the connection between the pregnancy and the sickness. With a cold certainty he realized what was sucking her life away, and who had put it there.

_I always knew he would kill her._

This broke through my stupor of grief. Hearing these words, coming from him, I suddenly hated him for his knowledge of the raw, inescapable truth.

I lifted my head. I had not laid eyes on Jacob since those terrible moments at the wedding, when he had understood what was to pass between Bella and I on our honeymoon. It came back to me now, with wrenching clarity – Jacob's shimmering presence before me, dangerously close to phasing. Seth's young form, exposed to the threat, and Bella's fragile body, protected behind mine. The unspoken communications of the werewolves among the trees. Emmett and Jasper's calculated thoughts as they began to circle closer. Sam, in my mind then, as Jacob was suppressed finally by the Alpha command. _I've got him, Edward. He's mine now. _

And, most distinctly, the hate filled accusations that had filled Jacob's thoughts. Visions of Bella, bruised and broken, crushed, killed. _Killer!_ He had wordlessly shrieked. _Disgusting, monstrous murderer! _His cursed forecast of the future – it was all too devastatingly true now.

_I always knew he would kill her._

I wrenched myself back to the present. _Damn him, _I thought. He may be right, but we were going to have this conversation face to face. And not in front of Bella.

I leapt to my feet, propelled by the sudden rage.

"Outside, Jacob," I snarled


	9. Judgement

_Thank you so, so much for the reviews! I really appreciate them!_

_A huge thank you as always to Beta lada_8._

_Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight._

Jacob bristled at the angry edge to my voice, jumping up off the floor.

"Let's do this," he said in an aggressive tone. _About time, _Emmett thought, pushing angrily towards him, Jasper right next to him.

"No," Bella gasped, and she stepped towards me, her hand grasping my arm. Rosalie moved with her, rigid with fury about the proximity of the angry werewolf.

_Control this, Edward!_ Alice thought. I tried to center myself. I would not let Jacob's theatrics upset Bella. She was already gasping slightly, and I could feel her hand tremble against my arm. I needed to calm her down.

I turned and looked at her worried eyes. "I just need to talk to him, Bella," I murmured gently.

Her gaze was so troubled. I reached out and stroked my hand once down her cheek, velvet warmth sparking against my cold skin. I felt an overwhelming desire to kiss her, but Jacob's black fury at my touch on her face froze me, holding me back. _After all he's done to her, _Jacob seethed, _he is still allowed to touch her._

I swallowed back the biting anger and remorse brought on by those words, keeping my voice soft. "Don't strain yourself. Please rest. We'll both be back in just a few minutes."

She held my eyes for a moment, and then her expression softened. She nodded and then slumped slightly, exhaustion on her face. Rosalie gripped her arm and helped her back onto the couch.

Bella looked pointedly at Jacob. "Behave," she said. "And then come back."

_Are you sure about this, man, _thought Emmett. He and Jasper's eyes were intent on my face. I nodded imperceptibly, and then turned and headed outside. Jacob followed.

_We're ready, if there's any trouble, Edward, _Jasper thought. _Be careful._

As we walked, Jacob was considering my unprotected back. I sighed. In all his fantasies about attacking me, and I had heard many of them in his mind since we met, he had never truly comprehended that he couldn't kill me. Or even hurt me really. He continually underestimated the advantage my gift gave me, particularly against his kind of attack. No, he could not kill me. _Not unless I wanted him to_.

"I'm not ready for you to kill me yet, Jacob Black." I whispered. "You'll have to have a little patience."

_Edward,_ Alice said warningly in my head. She had heard that.

"Patience isn't my specialty," Jacob growled.

I was headed some ways down the driveway, not far enough that we couldn't be heard from the house – I didn't want to go that far from Bella – but enough of a distance that our words would be muffled and hard to follow. It was the best I could do as far as a private conversation. But I would still be able to hear my family's thoughts and watch Bella through their eyes.

As we walked down the drive, my anger at Jacob's earlier thoughts began to ebb away, draining out of me. _I always knew he would kill her. _Why had I gotten mad at him, why had his words stung, when he was merely thinking the simple truth I had been saying for days?

And then I realized why his words had struck me so hard. Because it was judgment. Finally. And god, I deserved his judgement. Despite my constant self-hate, I had spent the last week cocooned in my family's love, their minds filled with many things – compassion, fear, sorrow, love. But never blame. I had escaped up to this point the true measure of my actions.

But Jacob was not afraid to lay blame where it belonged. His would be the harshest judgement, all the more terrible because of the way he loved Bella. For, like me, she was his whole world. He would do anything to see her happy, to give her what she wanted, to keep her safe. A precious, fragile flower, gifted, undeservingly, to my care. And I had allowed her to be crushed by darkness, and he made clear that my betrayal of the gift of her love was nothing more than the expected consequence of tainting her with my monstrous existence.

The weight of this judgment hit me hard, and all the truth that went with it. Agony rose up and gripped me now, and I didn't have to hide it from Bella here. And I couldn't hide it from Jacob. I turned to face him.

His eyes bore down on me, a mixture of hate, anger and despair, and then even a flash of shocked pity. _No,_ my mind screamed. _Don't pity me. _I saw myself reflected in his mind, and I hated it. My fingers reached up, pressing against my skin, and I wanted to tear the expression from my face, to rip away the last vestiges of humanity it gave me. As if I could strip myself down, and bear clear the monster I really was.

My mouth opened. _I'm sorry, _I wanted to scream. _I didn't mean for this to happen. _ But Jacob didn't want my apologies. _I'm sorry, Bella, _I thought. My god, had I ever even told Bella I was sorry for destroying her life?

Jacob watched my expression, and knew. "It's killing her, right," he choked out. "She's dying." His face paled and twisted, agony searing through his mind.

_God help me, but yes, _I thought. I couldn't get the words out.

Jacob tried to process the horror, to flesh out his pain from mine. For they were different, in his mind, because I'd had more time to live with it. Because he had already lost her. Because she wasn't his to lose.

_And because this isn't my fault, _he thought.

"My fault," I moaned, and the weight of the words dragged me to the ground. Yes, pain, and sickness, and death – all my fault. I had taken the girl we both loved, beautiful, pure and good, and poisoned her.

I pressed my face against the dirt, into the cold earth where by all that was natural and right my body should have been buried these long years past, dead and decayed. Then Bella would have been safe from me. For my very existence provoked death, whether it be by my hand, or the hand of that which I have wrought. Either way, I was guilty.

"Yes," I gasped into the ground. "Yes, it's killing her."

Jacob shuffled his feet, tense and irritated. He wanted anger from me, hate, violence. Not the helpless shell he saw before him.

"So why hasn't Carlisle done anything?" he snapped. "He's a doctor, right? Get it out of her."

I looked up at him in blank astonishment. Did he think I wouldn't have tried that?

"She won't let us," I whispered.

_Jeez, _thought Jacob. _Of course, die for the monster spawn. It's so Bella._

"You know her so well," I said softly. "How quickly you see…I didn't see. Not in time. She wouldn't talk to me on the way home, not really. I thought she was frightened – that would be natural. I thought she was angry with me for putting her though this, for endangering her life. Again. I never imagined what she was really thinking, what she was _resolving_. Not until my family met us at the airport and she ran into Rosalie's arms. Rosalie's! And then I heard what Rosalie was thinking." I paused, racked by the memories. "Yet you understand after one second…" How often I had cursed my inability to read Bella's mind, thinking it kept me from fully understanding her. It was a poor excuse. Jacob, with no such gift, seemed to understand Bella as if he could read her every thought.

"Just back up a second. She won't let you," he said, a sarcastic edge to his voice. "Did you ever notice that she's exactly as strong as a normal hundred-and-ten-pound girl? How stupid are you vamps? Hold her down and knock her out with drugs."

"I wanted to," I whispered. I remembered that day we had come home, the near confrontation in the dining room. "Carlisle would have…"

_What, too noble?_

"No." I almost laughed aloud. Noble was not the word for my behavior. "Not noble. Her bodyguard complicated things."

_Does the beauty queen want Bella to die so bad?_

"Maybe," I murmured. "Rosalie doesn't look at it quite that way."

"So take the blonde out first. Your kind can be put back together, right? Turn her into a jigsaw and take care of Bella."

I sighed. "Emmett and Esme are backing her up. Emmett would never let us…and Carlisle won't help me with Esme against it…"

"You should have left Bella with me," Jacob said.

It was a simple statement of fact, and the truth of it was heavy, and appalling. I was suddenly reminded of the words in the note I had sent to Jacob with the wedding invitation. "I promise I will take care of her," I had written. I had meant those words, meant them with every fiber of my being. It had been important to me, that Jacob understand, that he believe, that I could love and protect Bella as well as he could. Maybe even better, I had thought. And instead, I had destroyed her.

"Yes," I replied.

_Maybe he should have thought about all this before he knocked her up with the life-sucking monster, _Jacob sneered in his head.

_Yes_. I looked up and met his eyes. _Yes. You are right, again_.

"We didn't know." I whispered my hollow excuse, owing him some sort of explanation. "I never dreamed. There's never been anything like Bella and I before. How could we know that a human was able to conceive a child with one of us…"

Jacob interrupted me. "When the human should get ripped to shreds in the process."

"Yes," I said. "They're out there, the sadistic ones, the incubus, the succubus." I shook my head, remembering with disgust some of the visions I had seen in Tanya and Kate's minds.

"I didn't realize they had a special name for what you are." His words lashed out at me, harsh judgement again. I suddenly realized that while I looked down at Tanya and Kate, what I had done was so much worse. This was not an unknown, unnamed stranger. I had done this to someone I loved.

I looked into Jacob's face, knowing he could never comprehend my grief. He was blessed that he couldn't.

"Even you, Jacob Black, cannot hate me as much as I hate myself."

_Wrong,_ he thought, the urge to murder coursing through him. And maybe he was right. I knew what I would have done, if Jacob had ever hurt Bella like I had. If he had put her through this kind of physical agony, sentenced her to death. I was chilled by the certain realization of what the extent of my revenge would have been. Well, Jacob would get his revenge, if it came to it. But not yet. Not when we might still save her.

"Killing me now doesn't save her," I said quietly.

"So what does?" he asked.

I started to feel that small stir of hope I thought was lost. Jacob was here, right in front of me, just like I wanted. _Ask for his help, _I thought. _That's what you wanted._

"Jacob, you have to do something for me." I said suddenly.

"The hell I do, parasite!" he sneered.

No, not for me. Jacob would never do anything for me.

"For her?" I tried.

Jacob's teeth snapped together. "I did everything I could to keep her away from you," he growled. "Every single thing. It's too late."

"You know her, Jacob. You connect to her on a level that I don't even understand. You are part of her, and she is part of you. She won't listen to me, because she thinks I'm underestimating her. She thinks she's strong enough for this…" I thought of something tearing its way out of her body, and the words caught in my throat for a moment. "She might listen to you."

"Why would she?"

_Why?_ I wasn't really sure. It was a feeling, an instinct, that he could help. Perhaps it was the way Bella related to Jacob, the bond forged between them. It was the way he knew her, all the things he shared with her that I did not.

And then I saw it. _Of course_. I wasn't sure if the idea had been there the whole time, and my mind just hadn't been able to embrace it, or if it just came to me now in a moment of wild, desperate insanity. But now it seemed obvious. Simple. The difference, the gulf between Jacob and I encompassed many things, but the greatest difference of all was his humanity. For his heart beat. Blood ran in his veins. And his body held the power to bring a child to life.

The realization overpowered me in a rush of uncertain excitement, fear, and horror, and I felt the world spin out of control for a moment. I jumped to my feet.

Jacob was watching my wild expression. _Can vampires lose their minds?_

Could they? "Maybe," I mused. "I don't know. It feels like it." I spent so much time hiding how I felt these days, I didn't even know who I was any more. I could hardly recognize the person I saw in Jacob's thoughts.

"I have to try to hide this in front of her, because stress makes her more ill." For a moment I concentrated only on Bella, looking at her through Esme's eyes. She looked tense and worried, and sick. "But that doesn't matter now. She has to listen to you!"

"I can't tell her anything you haven't. What do you want me to do? Tell her she's stupid? She probably already knows that. Tell her she's going to die? I bet she knows that, too."

I froze momentarily. _Yes, _I thought, _she does know that. She's known it all along._ I tried to shake this off.

"You can offer her what she wants."

Jacob regarded me skeptically. But my mind came sharply into focus, as the idea clarified and became solid. She was fundamentally changed, she had told me. She wanted a baby now. And I could never, ever give her that baby. So she had to choose a different path.

"I don't care about anything but keeping her alive," I said. "If it's a child she wants, she can have it. She can have half a dozen babies. Anything she wants." I had to rip the actual words from my throat. "She can have puppies, if that's what it takes."

I held his eyes. Incredulity spread slowly over his face, and his mind rattled with mocking doubt.

"But not this way," I hissed. "Not this thing that's sucking the life from her while I stand there helpless! Watching her sicken and waste away. Seeing it hurting her." My breath caught with the sudden vision of Bella's purple, mottled stomach. _Oh god._ This had to work.

"You have to make her see reason, Jacob. She won't listen to me anymore. Rosalie's always there, feeding her insanity – encouraging her. Protecting her. No, protecting it. Bella's life means nothing to her."

Jacob made a choked noise. _What is he saying…?_ Jacob thought. _Is he giving her up? Or does he think she won't mind being shared?_

I felt as though my chest had been cleaved open._ Give her up? Shared?_ The concepts felt foreign and hideous in my mind. But the time for comfortable choices had long since past.

"Whichever. Whatever keeps her alive," I said firmly.

"That's the craziest thing you've said yet."

"She loves you," I said, the words bitter on my tongue.

"Not enough." Jacob's voice was soft, rough.

"She's ready to die to have a child. Maybe she'd accept something less extreme."

"Don't you know her at all?" This remark grated against my already gaping wounds. I didn't – and that was how we had gotten to this place to begin with. _Bella will hate this idea!_ A small part of my mind screamed. _You know her well enough to realize that._

"I know, I know. It's going to take a lot of convincing. That's why I need you. You know how she thinks. Make her see sense."

Jacob paused for a moment, and as he considered the idea the images from his mind bore through me painfully. He had always had the gift for realism in fantasy. I saw Bella in his arms, tangled with his body. _Jacob, _she sighed, her eyes burning with love and passion. I swallowed hard, maintaining my composure, trying to shake off the memories of the grueling night in the tent, when his long night of fantasies had seemed to almost morph into reality, as he lay in the sleeping bag with Bella in his arms.

And then new images, and I froze in icy horror. Images of Bella, glowing, pregnant, _his_ child growing inside her. _Jacob's child. _These images began to shred at the last pieces of my sanity. I felt a sudden rush of hate and jealousy, that he was able to imagine such a thing with the confidence that, if she wanted, he could actually give that gift to her. Create another life with her, together. He could provide her happiness and health. I could only stand on the outside of such a scene, with the knowledge that I had no such gifts to bring her.

I heard Jasper's mind suddenly concerned with my emotional state. I was surprised that he could sense me so acutely from this distance. He spoke to Carlisle, telling him I was very upset.

_Edward,_ worried Carlisle. _Are you Ok? We are here, waiting, if you need us_. My family was frustrated and confused, unable to make out our conversation, muffled by distance as I'd hoped. Emmett was prowling around the front door like a caged animal.

"Make Bella see sense?" Jacob asked finally. "What universe do you live in?"

I struggled to answer him.

"At least try," I choked out.

_No,_ he thought, shaking his head. He thought I was crazy.

"I've been thinking of nothing but ways to save her since I realized what she was planning to do. What she would die to do." I explained how I had wanted to talk to him but didn't know how to reach him. "I would have come to find you soon, if you hadn't come today. But it's hard to leave her, even for a few minutes. Her condition…it changes so fast. The thing is growing. Swiftly. I can't be away from her now."

"What is it?" Jacob asked suddenly.

"None of us have any idea. But it is stronger than she is. Already." And Jacob could see it now, the monster, breaking Bella from the inside out. I wished I could crush the image, mirrored in my own mind, obliterate its existence.

"Help me stop it," I whispered, pleading. "Help me stop this from happening."

"How? By offering my stud services?" I let the crude term wash right through me, without reaction. "You're really sick. She'll never listen."

"Try. There's nothing to lose now. How will it hurt?"

_It would hurt me, _he thought. _Haven't I taken enough rejection from Bella without this?_

_Come on, Jacob_. Couldn't he understand what this would cost me? "A little pain to save her? Is it such a high cost?" I pressed.

"But it won't work," he insisted.

"Maybe not. Maybe it will confuse her, though. Maybe she'll falter in her resolve. One moment of doubt is all I need." Show her that she can have a baby, a healthy, human child, and still live.

"And then you pull the rug out from under the offer? 'Just kidding, Bella'?" he snapped.

I felt cold, piercing pain at this sentiment. Because, I wasn't truly sure, even given the miracle that Bella might change her mind, and allow Carlisle to remove the creature, that she was healthy enough to survive human. And when she woke up after the endless pain, cold and frozen, childless forever, what would I be to her then? I would be the life-sucking monster, just like the one I had spawned, and she would hate me for it.

_No, _I thought. We could do it. We could get it out and save her still human. And life would extend before her, human life, with all its endless options. I would give her that chance, that future, with Jacob. She'd had the choice before, and had chosen me. I would give her a second chance to change her mind. My life was forfeit now, either way.

"If she wants a child, that's what she gets," I said. "I won't rescind."

Jacob was doubtful, confused and angry. _I should just kill him now,_ he thought.

"Not now," I whispered. "Not yet. Right or wrong, it would destroy her. The moment Bella's heart stops beating" – I saw a vision of Bella's body, pale, heart still, warmth and light slowly fading from her skin, and a cold, dark knot formed inside me – "I will be begging for you to kill me."

"You won't have to beg long," Jacob snarled.

I almost smiled. Yes, I was sure I could rely on Jacob for that. _Edward, _called Alice in my head. _Bella is getting more and more upset, please come back._ OK. Time to finalize things.

"I'm very much counting on that," I told Jacob.

"Then we have a deal," Jacob said. I nodded and held out my hand. He grit his teeth and took it.

"We have a deal," I agreed, and sealed my death with a handshake. I turned back toward the house, as Jacob followed.

My footsteps were taking me swiftly back to Bella, and I sensed, as always, the desperate pull to be close to her. Even so, I had the sickening sensation that a small part of me was now emotionless and hollow, as though I had left that piece of myself, broken and lifeless, back at my conversation with Jacob. The space it used to inhabit was now empty, devoid of emotion, of hope, of the power to exist. And it was not alone. I realized that these were the small parts of me that Bella had already been ripped away from, each time she cried out in pain, each time I knew I would not be able to save her, each time death, hovering, reminded me I was losing her.

With cold clarity I remembered what it had felt like when I had left Bella, the wrenching, tearing emptiness that had consumed me as I stepped away from her in the forest. The black void of having lost her. And then, when I thought she had died…

I drew in a sharp breath through my gritted teeth. I could only pray that Jacob would be true to his word when that time came.

We entered the house, and I realized, as soon as I saw her face, that I would have to delve into that small part of myself, the empty part that had already lost her, if I were going to get through this. My true emotions could play no part in this, but would have to stay chained up, screaming in tortured protest, in the rest of my mind. Because if I let those emotions free, I would have to gather Bella into my arms, press her to my chest, and scream at Jacob that she was mine, always, and that he would never touch her, never have her.

And I couldn't do that, because I had to give her this chance, this choice.

I strode up to my family, ignoring their silent questions.

"We're going to let Jacob and Bella speak privately," I said, my voice sounding as hollow as I felt.

"Over my piles of ashes," Rosalie growled at me. _What the hell are you pulling, Edward,_ she thought._ I know you don't want her alone with that dog. So what's your real motive?_

I ignored her. I looked at Bella, trying to keep emotion off my face.

"Bella," I said in an even voice. "Jacob wants to talk to you. Are you afraid to be alone with him?" Bella looked at me, confused, as if the thought of being worried about being alone with Jacob had never occurred to her. I felt a sharp pain in my chest, like the twisting of a knife. It was only me she could not be alone with.

Bella looked at Rosalie. "Rose, it's fine. Jake's not going to hurt us. Go with Edward."

"It might be a trick," Rosalie said in a soft, warning voice, looking from Bella to Jacob to me, trying to decipher what was going on.

"I don't see how," said Bella.

"Carlisle and I will always be in your sight, Rosalie," I snapped, struggling to keep a low voice as my façade began to crack. "We're the ones she is afraid of." _And that is how you want it to be, Rosalie, isn't it,_ I thought bitterly.

Bella's eyes filled with tears. "No," she whispered. "No, Edward. I'm not…"

_Oh, Bella. _I shook my head, forcing my lips into something like a smile "I didn't mean it that way, Bella. I'm fine. Don't worry about me." She blinked her eyes, and the teardrops soaked her lashes, glimmering like diamonds. I wanted to reach out, and brush them away.

I had to get out of here. "Everyone," I said, gesturing towards the door. "Please." I tried to keep pleading out of my voice, but I met Carlisle's eyes, asking him to trust me. The others were frozen, waiting now to see what Carlisle would do.

_OK, Edward,_ thought Carlisle hesitantly. _Of course. We'll go._ He went out the door and the others followed, except for Rosalie. Emmett hovered just outside the door, waiting. Rosalie stood, hesitant. She absolutely loathed leaving Bella at all, especially with Jacob. But she was also worried about alienating Bella by outright disagreeing with her.

"Rose," Bella said. "I want you to go."

Rosalie made up her mind. _You first,_ she thought, inclining her head stiffly towards the door. I turned and left. She followed behind after giving Jacob a long look.

We all left in silence, circling around the house to the back yard. No one spoke as we positioned ourselves, standing apart. Rosalie and I stood facing each other, about 15 feet apart. Emmett stood by the river, facing away. Jasper also stood at the river, several feet away from him, his eyes on me, Alice by his side. Carlisle and Esme stood further down the river, clasping hands and speaking softly together, worried about me.

I wanted to give Bella privacy for this conversation. I knew she would not want me listening, to words or thoughts, when she was alone with Jacob. I tried to drown out their conversation, concentrating on the rush of the water in the river, the cacophony of bird noises from the forest.

It was hard, though, to concentrate on anything but Rosalie's screaming, suspicious thoughts. She was furious, standing with her arms crossed, fists clenched, anger and wariness in her eyes. She hated leaving Bella unattended, and she could not understand what I thought I might gain by bringing Jacob into the situation.

It occurred to me, then, that both Rosalie and I had never been this far away from Bella, together, since we came home from the airport. I considered this, shifting slightly.

"Forget about it, Edward," Emmett said calmly, without turning his head from the river. I had not heard my name in his thoughts, but apparently he had been more aware of me than I realized. He was thinking, now, that I might take this opportunity to make a move on Rosalie. I felt a burst of irritation with him. I was so sick of him backing Rosalie, although of course I understood. And I really had no intentions of getting into a pointless struggle with Rosalie. I was just considering if…

Suddenly, Jasper's head snapped around towards the house. _He's angry, Edward,_ he thought quickly. I focused in on Jacob as a low growl emanated from the house. Rosalie turned and started to move towards the house. Jasper and Emmett ran up the slope behind her.

I took two long strides after Rosalie and gripped her arm. "No," I snapped. She shook me off. "He's angry, but not dangerous." She hissed at me, but stopped, arms crossed, several feet from the house, Emmett and Jasper right behind us.

Inside, Jacob was infuriated. "If you think that imprinting could ever makes sense of this insanity…" He spit the words out a Bella. "Do you really think that just because I might someday imprint on some stranger it would make this right," he snapped, pointing at her stomach. "Tell me what the point was then, Bella! What was the point of me loving you? What was the point of you loving him? When you die, how is that ever right again? What's the point to all the pain? Mine, yours, his! You'll kill him too, not that I care about that."

Jacob paused and sucked in a breath. My family was frozen, entranced, listening. "So what was the point of your twisted love story, in the end? If there is any sense, please show me, Bella, because I can't see it."

"I don't know yet, Jake," Bella said, sighing. " But I just feel that this is all going somewhere good, hard to see as it is now. I guess you could call it faith."

"You're dying for nothing, Bella!" Jacob almost shouted. "Nothing!" Rosalie flinched, lurching towards the house, her body stiff with fury. I grabbed her arm again. She grasped my wrist and viciously twisted my hand off. Emmett's arm shot out and I shoved it away, but giving me a hard look he placed it gently on Rosalie's shoulder.

"Let them talk, Rose," he whispered. I was a little surprised he had stepped in on my side of things, and the shock must have shown on my face when he looked at me. _Damn you, Edward, _he thought. _I don't want her to die, either._ I could feel the weight of it on him, of his divided loyalties, and felt a sudden slice of pain at our splintered relationship.

"I'm not going to die," Bella said in a determined, angry voice. "I will keep my heart beating. I'm strong enough for that."

"That's a loud of crap, Bella. You've been trying to keep up with the supernatural for too long. No normal person can do it. You're not strong enough." He took her face in his hands, gently cradling it. A piece of me seethed at his touch on her skin.

I pulled myself away, irritated we were all listening. "Enough," I hissed at my family, motioning that we should all go back to the riverbank. We moved swiftly, resuming our former, tense poses.

_Faith._ How could Bella see the existence of faith in all this? And yet, inexplicably, she did. Faith that what was inside her was not a monster, faith that she could withstand the pain, faith that I could save her with venom in the end. So much faith, and so much to be lost and ruined in its wake.

I tried to let my mind loose again, ignoring the words between them, but then Bella suddenly gasped in pain. Everyone's head whipped around towards the house, and then quickly realized it was pain from the fetus. Carlisle moved a few steps towards the house, concern on his face. We waited as her breathing and heartbeat normalized, and then the others turned away, losing the strand of the conversation inside again to their own thoughts. But not me. Jacob had seen the bruises on her stomach, and his horror and pain echoed in the pit of my stomach. But also, I had sensed a change in the tenor of his thoughts. The marks on her stomach had made the threat suddenly, grotesquely real for Jacob. And desperation flowed thickly now through his thoughts. He would ask her.

I gave up the pretense of not listening, concentrating now, giving myself over to her angel face through his eyes, still flushed from fading pain.

"Bella," he said, his voice different, strained. "Bella, don't do this."

"Jake," Bella protested.

"What if this wasn't a one-shot deal? What if it wasn't all or nothing?" Jacob argued now, reasoning, trying. "Then you can start over. This didn't work out. Try again."

Bella was confused. "And what difference would it make? I'm sure any baby…"

"Yes," Jacob snapped. "Any kid of his would be the same." Bella looked even more confused.

_There's no point,_ Jacob thought. _I will never be able to save her from herself. I've never been able to do that._

"You think I should kill my baby and replace it with some generic substitute?" Bella was angry now. "Why would I want to have some stranger's baby?"

"I didn't mean that," mumbled Jacob. "Not a stranger."

"Then what are you saying?" Bella said. She didn't understand, and Jacob backed off now, unable to get the words out. I waited, unsure.

"Not a stranger?" Bella suddenly murmured. "What exactly did Edward say to you?"

"Nothing," said Jacob, too quickly. "He just thought you might listen to me."

"Not that. About trying again."

"Nothing," Jacob said quietly, the rejection already starting to painfully filter into his heart. He looked down, tearing his and my eyes from her face. There was a long pause. _Look up, damn you_, I thought, desperate to see the expression on her face.

"Wow," Bella whispered. "He really would do anything, wouldn't he?"

She understood. Jacob was looking at her again, and her eyes were calm, a small smile playing on her face. _She knows what I am offering, and she isn't going to think twice about it,_ Jacob thought, unsurprised but still stung. _I knew that she wouldn't. _

Refused. She'd refused, of course. I felt it then, flowing through me, a cool feeling of release, spreading through my limbs. I named the feeling for what it was – relief. I gritted my teeth, disgusted with myself. Was I so unspeakably selfish that I was relieved that Bella would not agree to have a child with Jacob? Was I happier to accept the risk of death, just to keep her to myself? _But it's always been that way, hasn't it,_ a small voice said in my head. _You've always risked her life, to have her with you._

No. I would not give up on the idea yet, even if she had refused this time. I would not give up on her.

I looked at the river again. The rapids were high and rough. An endless cascade of water, coursing along the river bed, some of it banding together to form the main current, with splintering currents swirling and eddying in a kaleidoscope of directions, smashing into the bank and causing individual drops to arc through the air. Seeming chaos, and yet a multitude of things, the curve and placement of rocks, the shifting of the sand, the wind and the rain, all these things helped determine the ultimate path of the water as it flowed. A million different decisions by Bella and I, small and large, decisions of the heart and the mind, had led us here, to this point. Random and unexpected, and yet also determined.

I heard Jacob's thoughts begin to move away, and I realized he had silently left the room. _Damn, he could be quiet when he wanted._ I thought I'd give Bella a couple minutes alone. As I waited impatiently, I realized that none of the rest of my family had noticed Jacob's departure. Bella was all alone, and I was the only one who realized. I froze, contemplating the opportunity suddenly handed to me.

I kept my face blank as I considered. I might get a few moments alone, away from Rosalie's poisonous presence, with Bella. Was there anything I could do with those moments to help her? The time had long since past that I might consider taking Bella away. Maybe I could encourage her to consider Jacob's offer? I felt the tightening right away, in my chest and throat. I could hardly bear to see his hands on her face. Could I really speak the words aloud that would ask her to do so much more with him?

Then, suddenly, another path occurred to me. Something I had nearly forgotten, in the events of Jacob's visit.

Rosalie still had her eyes intent on me, tensed to move. I casually moved my head around, looking at the sky, then the river, glancing to the side slightly to catch Jasper's eye. He was still staring intently at me, and I held his eye for a moment. Did he understand?

He did. _I'll try to do my best, Edward,_ he thought. Alice blinked, surprise crossing her features as she saw a vision of our backyard, everyone still there except me. She eyed me curiously.

I waited. Slowly, so subtly that it would be impossible to notice unless you were looking for it, I felt the calm start to creep over me. I focused on my resolve, my anxiety, to keep the calm from washing up and pulling me under. I moved my eyes again so that I could watch both Rosalie and Emmett. As the calm slowly built in intensity, Rosalie's arms uncrossed and fell to her sides, her hands unclenching from fists. Emmett's shoulders relaxed, and he sighed contentedly. Finally, a peaceful look came over Rose's face, and as if she couldn't help it any longer, her eyes finally left me and she turned her head to look at Emmett.

I moved. I flew with silence and speed that surprised even me. In a second I was at Bella's side, kneeling next to her. She started and her eyes opened wide at my sudden appearance. I grasped her hands in mine.

"Bella," I said urgently. "Please, please let Carlisle help you. Let him try the IV." She watched me, shocked. _Please trust me._ "Carlisle loves you, he would never hurt you. He won't do anything you don't want. Don't listen to Rosalie. Please, please, do this for me. For me." The words tumbled out of me, the vital seconds alone with her spinning away quickly.

And suddenly Rose was there, hands gripping the couch, snarling loudly. I continued to hold Bella's hand, looking into her eyes. Carlisle and the others appeared quickly.

There was a long moment of silence, and Bella looked slowly around the room, looking first at Rosalie, and then Carlisle, and back to me. She sighed.

"OK, Carlisle," she said quietly, eyes holding mine. "Bring on the needles."

_Please review!_


	10. Resentment

_Your reviews are wonderful - it makes my day to read them!_

_Thank you to awesome beta lada_8_

_A song for when Edward remembers Bella in the meadow - "Somewhere Only We Know" by Keane._

_Stephenie Meyer own all things Twilight!_

* * *

Hate, jealousy, violence, despair – necessary to this existence, maybe, and yet, also, toxic stains on the fabric of life that binds us together.

My conversation with Jacob left me feeling as if I had been gutted, my worst, desperate emotions ripped out in counterpart to his justified fury. But, in some odd way, there was also a feeling of release that flowed through my family from his visit. It was almost as if there was some relief in sharing the burden of the nightmare with someone else. We were no longer alone on our island of despair.

It did not take long to get Bella set up with the IV. Rosalie had no choice but to go along, once Bella had made her decision, but she became much more supportive of the idea once Carlisle shared his theory that he thought the fetus was weakening as well. She and Bella touched and stroked Bella's stomach in concern, and shared a relieved smile next time the fetus kicked Bella so hard she gasped in pain.

Bella was insistent that she did not want to be trapped upstairs in Carlisle's office or the bedroom, so I suggested we set up the bed in the family room. Jasper, Emmett and I quickly moved out all the furniture and brought down the bed. Bella was settled in comfortably while Carlisle set up the IV equipment and monitors, including a heart monitor - not really necessary, given our hearing and perfect recall, but it satisfied Carlisle's desire to be doing something more. He also thought it would be helpful to have a running record that could be studied.

Carlisle stood by Bella, her arm held gently in his hands. The idea of Carlisle inserting a needle into Bella's bloodstream had quickly cleared everyone out of the room except Carlisle, Rosalie and myself.

"Bella," Carlisle said quietly. "You are very dehydrated, and so your veins have shrunk. I will do my best but it may take a couple of tries for me to get the needle into a vein. I'm sorry."

Bella stiffened slightly, but then smiled at Carlisle. "Just do what you have to do, Carlisle, I'll be fine." Then she turned her face to me.

"Distract me," Bella said, looking up at me with a slight smile on her face.

"Okay," I said. Carlisle began to swab the back of Bella's hand with an alcohol wipe. I tried to think of some discussion topic that might take her mind off her hate of needles. "Do you want to talk about…"

"No," Bella said, and reached up, twisting her fingers into my hair and pulling me close. I moved obligingly till my face was inches from hers. "Distract me, Edward," she whispered, her breath washing, hot and fragrant, over my face. My body moved before my mind did, and I pressed my lips to hers.

Her mouth opened slightly, and she exhaled, the scent of her saturating my tongue, and coating down the back of my throat, leaving a trail of raking, burning flames. Her tongue grazed my lower lip, and, like a match against flint, desire erupted through me, hotter than even the burn in my throat. The two sensations, thirst and desire, snaked together, entwining me in the indescribable, consuming need I felt for Bella. I worked to rein myself in, to control the yearning that engulfed me, but my lips matched the urgent movements of hers.

I felt Bella's body jerk slightly a couple times at Carlisle's attempts, and then relax as he was successful. When the needle penetrated Bella's vein, her scent blasted into the air around me, and my head swam with it. Her hand disentangled itself from my hair and moved slowly down, caressing my ear before lying, hot, against my neck. I made a small, blissful sound in the back of my throat.

_Oh, gag me,_ thought Rosalie in disgust.

"Get a room," muttered Emmett upstairs, and Alice giggled.

Carlisle cleared his throat. "All set, Bella," he said, a little too loudly. I felt Bella's lips smile against mine, and she pulled away.

"Great job, Carlisle," she said, her gaze holding mine with a wide smile on her face. "I didn't feel a thing." I chuckled, trying to match her smile. But as she had pulled away, the happiness, the warmth that flowed into me at her touch had left as well, bound inextricably to her. It left me unable to fight back the cold emptiness.

Carlisle proceeded to hook up the IV, starting with a bag of fluids. He also set up the other monitors. Bella's scent was still extremely strong in the air. I searched Rosalie's mind carefully, but she seemed to be very much in control of her thirst. She gave me a hard look.

_I'm fine, Edward, _she thought scornfully, tossing her hair as she looked away from me. Once Carlisle had finished setting up, he gestured to me and Rosalie to come over to the front door to talk. He opened the door, letting fresh air into the room, and we stood in the doorframe, breathing more comfortably.

"Esme and I are going to take that quick hunting trip. Then we will backtrack into town, to get some supplies for the IV. I may call to have someone come and pick us up at the hospital." Rosalie nodded and went back to Bella's side. Carlisle looked carefully at me. _Edward, can you handle any issues with the IV while I'm gone?_ I nodded, hoping my education would make up for any lack of practical experience.

Carlisle and Esme left about 5 minutes later, saying a quick goodbye and then disappearing quickly. Emmett and Jasper came down to watch them go, and then we stood together by the front door.

"Edward," said Jasper in a low voice, eyes flickering briefly over to Bella, who was lying with her eyes closed. "Do you think there is going to be any trouble with the wolves?"

"I don't think so," I muttered. "From what I saw in Jacob's mind, it actually seemed like they were not going to act, even when they thought that Bella had been changed. At least, Sam seemed to be in that frame of mind."

Emmett snorted. "I'll believe that when I see it!" He looked at me with his eyebrows raised. "You know damn well, Edward, that they would jump at any chance to attack us."

"Not all of them," I snapped. I thought of Seth, and his young, eager mind, and felt a rush of brotherly affection.

"Enough of them hate us, though," hissed Jasper.

"It doesn't matter," I said. "We haven't broken the treaty. They have no reason to attack. Jacob will tell them that Bella is still human."

"Yah, but, what about, you know…" Emmett jerked his head in the direction of Bella's bulging midsection.

I looked at Bella with worried eyes. Jacob would have to tell them about the fetus, and what it was doing to Bella. It was impossible to anticipate their reaction. I hadn't seen any concerns about it in Jacob's mind, though.

"Jacob didn't seem worried about it," I whispered. "I guess I don't know."

Emmett shrugged and went over to stand behind Rosalie, wrapping his arms around her waist. Jasper disappeared upstairs, Alice quickly taking precedence in his thoughts. As Bella worsened and worsened, Alice strained to watch every minute of her future. But as the fetus had grown, the blurriness of her visions had expanded, and the pain of watching them had become even more acute.

I turned and looked at Bella in the hospital bed, my body going stiff at the sight of her - pale, heartbeat weak, IV lines and monitors clinging to her body. Like a dagger, I saw Bella in my memory, in a different hospital bed, after being attacked by James. Small and broken, helpless, just as she had looked when I found her in the ballet studio. I recalled the endless, wrenching nights in the hospital room, watching over her as Renee slept restlessly nearby, vowing I would never let anything like this happen again. Especially not because of me. But my eyes refocused on the present now, and I knew I had failed in that promise as well.

I walked over to the window, and closed my eyes, but all I could see was Bella. But not sick, not dying. Alive, and glowing. Bella, radiant across the table from me in the school cafeteria, her face questioning, but eager. In my arms during the plane ride home from Volterra, body soft and relenting, but eyes full of secrets. Sitting on the bed, my heart in her hands, reaching out so hesitantly, so gently, to stroke my mother's wedding ring in the black satin box. Bella in bed in the blue room on Isle Esme, her face smiling up at me, hair dark against the white sheets.

Bella in the meadow. Grass and flowers gently swaying, brushing against her as she sat next to me. The sun reflecting off my skin to dance in her eyes. Her warmth and scent, like a gentle, burning breeze, swirling around us, enveloping our bodies, here in this place where she said she wanted to be with me. The agony, the bliss, as I lay my head, so gently, so carefully, against her chest. Impossibly soft and warm, her skin like the sheerest silk, stretched over thin curving panes of fragile glass, which might break at the slightest touch. And below that her pulsing heart, rushing with blood, beating strong beneath my ear. It was the precious sound that meant she was alive, and real, a precarious symbol of her humanity.

The steady beats in my memory faded away then, and suddenly all I could hear was the weak, uneven beating of Bella's heart from where she lay in the bed. I reached my hand up and pressed my fingers against the glass, wishing I could grasp onto those moments, hold the happiness, and health, and promise, and make it real again. But I could feel the memory floating weightlessly through my fingers, and then it was gone. I was pierced, suddenly, by an overwhelming feeling of loss.

"Edward," Bella said suddenly. I started, unaware that she had woken up.

"Yes," I whispered, not turning to look at her, frightened of what my face might show.

"Why did you say that to Jacob today?" She asked. "About having his baby instead of this one. You must know that I would never do that? And that idea – I think it hurt Jacob."

I stood for a long moment. Of course she wouldn't do it. It was an impossible idea. She had refused. And it was all I had to offer her now.

I turned and strode quickly over to her. Rosalie started to get up, her mind working in furious disbelief at the meaning of Bella's words, but seeing my face Bella murmured to her that it was OK. I grasped Bella's hands in both of mine, the loss from my memories palpable against her skin.

"Bella," I choked out. "Bella, I just want you to live. Please, just live. I don't care about anything else." I paused, wrenching a breath between my teeth. "Live, and be with someone who can give you what you want. Be with Jacob. Let him give you the future you deserve, a child you can love."

Bella was shaking her head back and forth, face paling. I fell to one knee beside her.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm so sorry I did this to you." My chest was convulsing. "The baby you imagine is not in there. I can't give you the baby that you want. I wish I could, I would give anything if I could. But I never, ever can. I'm so sorry."

I closed my eyes and pressed our clasped hands to my forehead. I felt sliced in a million dead pieces, my emotions splintering in all directions, as I simultaneously wanted to hold her, to run away, to plead with her to go with Jacob, to beg her to forgive me, and stay by my side. I clutched her hands, unmoving.

Finally, Bella sighed. She pulled a hand out of my grasp and set it on my chin, gently lifting my face up. Her eyes looked down at mine, and I felt like I could drown in the soft, brown waves of their depths. They were a little red rimmed, and sad, but otherwise calm.

"Edward," she said quietly, her voice breaking slightly on my name. "You have it all wrong. I don't want just _a_ baby. " She paused, her brow furrowing. "I'm sorry, I never meant for you to think that. I want _your _baby, this one." She touched her stomach. "The one you have already given me. The part of you that is living, and growing, inside me."

"But Bella," I whispered. "What if it is all the wrong parts of me. Not the parts you love, but the monstrous parts."

Bella's face flushed slightly, and her teeth ground together. Her fingers curled around my chin, keeping my face up.

"Edward," she said, her voice hard, intent. "You are not a monster. And nothing you have helped create could be a monster either." She held my eyes. I didn't say anything. Bella had never wanted to believe in the monster in me.

Bella saw this thought in my eyes, and she sighed, looking very tired. She lay back against the pillow, and I stood up next to her, still clasping one of her hands.

"I love you," she said quietly.

"I love you too," I whispered. Her eyes closed, and she was still for a few moments.

"You're not a monster, Edward," she breathed, voice rough and thick with sleep.

I raised her hand and pressed it against my lips, and then lay it gently on her chest. I stood, watching, as Bella's breathing slowed and became even, lowering her into sleep.

Rosalie's eyes were on me, and I heard a low hiss escape her lips. _What kind of jackass are you_? _You'd really agree to let that foul mutt put his paws all over her?_

I didn't look up, trying to ignore her.

"You really think she would give up this baby to spawn something from a dog?" Rosalie whispered aloud now, persisting in her attempts to infuriate me. I finally met her eyes. They were filled with angry taunting.

"You can go to hell, Rosalie," I snarled quietly. Emmett was still behind her, his eyes wide as he pieced together the meaning of the words. _That's why you wanted Jacob to talk to her alone, _he thought in horror. _Have you gone crazy, Edward?_

Rosalie wheeled around, staring at Emmett now. "And what about you, holding me back from throwing that dog out. Are you backing his side now?"

Emmett looked at her in surprise. "Rose, you know that's not true. How was I supposed to know he had such a twisted plan?" He looked back at me, incredulity on his face.

"Leave him alone, Rose," I muttered. Rosalie hissed, smacking Emmett in the chest and then whirling back to me. _Ouch,_ thought Emmett. _I don't think that helped, Edward._

"I'll say what I want," she snapped. "And what, you're going to stick up for him, now? After giving him the cold-shoulder the past week. You think that when you treat him like that, it doesn't hurt him?" she snarled. I looked in surprise at Emmett.

He didn't meet my eyes. "Rose, no," he muttered, looking down at his feet. Jasper had appeared silently at my side.

"Oh, of course," said Rosalie sarcastically. "And now here is your little shadow, always lurking around, always got your back. I see you watching me all the time, Jasper, with that look in your eye. And I didn't appreciate you butting in today."

"What do you mean?" asked Emmett.

"For god's sake, Em," said Rosalie in an exasperated voice, turning to look at him. "How do you think he" – she gestured back at me – "got away from me today? Didn't you realize why we were feeling so warm and fuzzy all of a sudden? Him!" Her arm shot out, her finger pointing at Jasper.

"Get your finger out of my face," said Jasper, his voice low and cool. Alice was gliding down the stairs, watching the scene. _Unbelievable,_ she thought. _Carlisle and Esme aren't even gone 15 minutes and everyone is already at each other's throats._

Comprehension spread over Emmett's face, and he glanced at Jasper, who suddenly looked abashed as he met Emmett's eyes.

"You were screwing around with us, Jazz?" Emmett said, annoyance and hurt in his voice. _I wonder when he and Edward planned that out,_ he thought.

"It wasn't something we planned, Em," I said. "We just…"

"Get the hell out of my head, Edward," snarled Emmett.

"Shh," said Alice. "You'll wake Bella." Alice pulled on my arm, and we all moved away from Bella's bed.

"Stay out of it, Alice," snapped Emmett.

"Don't talk to her like that," hissed Jasper.

_Screw off, Jasper,_ thought Emmett.

"Don't take this out on Jasper, Emmett," I said in a low voice.

"I told you to stay out of my head Edward!" Emmett exploded. His body was stiff, his face angry and defensive. "I'm so sick of you three and your god damn "gifts", always interfering, always trying to manipulate everything to go your way."

"Manipulating?" Alice said, her voice disbelieving. "How about the way Rosalie is manipulating Bella, keeping her scared and distrustful of Edward and Carlisle. Don't think we don't see what you are doing, Rose." She looked at Rosalie, her eyes hard.

"Hmm," said Rosalie, narrowing her eyes and folding her arms across her chest. "I think your just jealous, Alice. Bella is supposed to be _your_ best friend. But when she needed help, she called me, not you. Me."

Alice's face darkened and her hands clenched into small fists at her sides. She took a step towards Rosalie, and Jasper put a steadying hand on her shoulder. I wished he would try to calm everyone down, but he seemed content to let it play out. The strain of the last week had been pushing everyone past their boundaries, and resentment, some long-held, was rising insidiously among us now, it's jagged, sharp edges threatening to tear us apart.

Suddenly, I heard my name being mentally called from a distance. I turned my head towards it automatically, feeling annoyed by the distraction. It was a familiar mind. Was that Seth? And Jacob as well. I was surprised he would come back so soon. What could he want?

_Hey, Edward, _thought Jacob. _If you can hear me – circle the wagons, bloodsucker. You've got a problem._

I froze. What the hell did that mean?

"Let me tell you something, Rosalie," Alice started, venom in her voice.

"Shut up, all of you," I hissed. I searched Jacob's mind, seeing visions of the pack, growling and preparing to attack. Attack us.

A low oath escaped my lips. I looked back from the window to see the others staring at me. "Jacob and Seth are coming, there is some problem with the pack, some sort of danger."

"What's the problem?" asked Emmett.

"I'm not sure," I said, annoyed. I tried to concentrate on Jacob's thoughts, but they were a jumble - Bella's distorted body, Sam's black eyes, the woods leading up our house. A strange mixture of thrilled fear and resolve.

"They'll be here in one minute. Emmett and Jasper, come out to meet them with me. Alice and Rosalie, can you sit with Bella while we see what this is about?" Alice nodded, flinching as Jasper's future disappeared, but comforted by a vision of herself sitting calmly by Bella.

Rosalie turned swiftly and went to Bella, placing a hand gently on her forehead. Her dark eyes looked up at me, piercing. _I knew those damn dogs would be a problem,_ she thought, glaring. _If something happens, it's your fault, Edward._

I turned away from her, and Emmett, Jasper and I stepped onto the front porch as Jacob and Seth ran into view.

"Jacob? Seth? What's going on?" I asked.

Jacob was cringing away, our scent burning his wolf nose, Seth moving anxiously around him. They both seemed to be in some sort of state of frenzied excitement. I waited with mounting annoyance. _Get on with it._

And suddenly, instead of explaining with words, Jacob began running through his memories, starting with the most recent. Jacob running through the woods, an echoing silence in his head. Cut off, separate from the pack. _How? Why? _I wondered.

_Not entirely alone,_ thought Seth. He recalled edging quietly away from the pack, which was howling in stunned amazement at Jacob's departure. And then he was running, racing to catch up to Jake, spotting his brown form moving lithely through the trees ahead. _Looks like separate packs aren't linked, _Seth said to Jacob.

And then Jacob was standing nose to nose with Sam, their fur bristling, low growls rumbling. _Ephraim Black's son was not born to follow Levi Uley's._ Jacob was standing tall, defying Sam's alpha orders. What could possibly have driven Jake to leave Sam's pack, I thought, feeling a growing anxiety.

And then Seth showed me Jacob, dragging his feet behind Embry and Quil, bound against his will to attack us. And then Jake in front of Sam, his stomach pressed in obedience against the dirt. _You, Jacob, are going to fight the Cullen's with us,_ came the powerful voice of the Alpha from Sam.

Jacob listening to Sam strategize how to kill my family. _Destroying the creature is our first priority. _Seth's knee's bowing under the alpha command.

How are you going to kill this creature, asked Jacob, without killing Bella?

They could not. The world around me exploded in a storm of red fury. They wanted to kill Bella. Kill her in cold blood, to destroy the thing inside her they deemed a threat. Rip apart her fragile, soft body to kill another. _Bella's sacrifice is a heavy price,_ thought Sam.

That was why Jacob and Seth were here. That was what would drive them to leave their pack and home. What would compel Jacob to assert his Alpha superiority against all his previous wishes.

My muscles locked down as rage coursed through my veins, my mind a haze of fury and disbelief. I could barely register the rest of Jacob's story, as the pack decided they had no choice but to kill the monster, kill Bella. As they damned it, and damned her as well.

_Unnatural. Monstrous. An abomination._

I flew off the porch in a blind fury.

"They want to kill Bella?" I snarled. I wished they were here, in front of me, especially Sam. I would shred them to pieces myself, before they ever touched her.

I realized Emmett and Jasper, misunderstanding, were at my side, cold rage in their minds as they moved to kill the threat.

"Em, Jazz – not them! The others." My teeth snapped together. "The pack is coming."

And we would destroy them.


	11. Strategy

_So, so sorry for the long delay in getting this chapter out. Computer problems, along with a million other little things, held me up. I have a nice, new, fast computer now, so that should help! I have already started writing the next chapter and plan to have it out much fast than this one!_

_Your reviews really keep me going - they are awesome!_

_Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight!_

_

* * *

_

_The pack is coming. _Anger blackened my view, dark and deadly, as I envisioned the wolf pack. Coming here. To kill my wife, and my family.

Emmett hissed softly, his eyes wheeling towards me. Jasper remained motionless, his eyes locked on Jacob, his mind wary and hate-filled.

"What's their problem?" Emmett snapped.

"The same one as mine," I hissed. "But they have their own plan to handle it." They did not want the abomination, the mutated killing creature that I had created coming into this world any more than I did. But my feelings were born out of fear of the destruction it would wreak on Bella. Their purpose could not possibly be more coldly different. They hated it for its very existence, and the unknown threat to their family and lands. And, in a perverse twist of fate, were willing to inflict the very same damage on Bella I feared from the creature. They would tear her to shreds.

"Get the others," I said. "Call Carlisle!" God dammit, why did this have to happen now, when Carlisle and Esme were away, alone, unprotected. "He and Esme have to get back here now."

_I'm on it, Edward,_ thought Emmett, pulling out his phone. Jasper remained frozen, tense.

Jacob's mind flooded with uneasiness. _They are separated_, he thought.

Inside I could hear Bella moving restlessly, covered in IV tubes and monitor wires, on the small hospital bed. She coughed, still asleep, heartbeat stumbling weakly. I swallowed hard, feeling the rush from the anger and fury draining out of me, even as I clung to it, leaking slowly from my empty core. It had been a strange high, to have that feeling again, that Bella was in danger from an enemy that I knew I could destroy. One I could wrap my hands around, crushing and destroying, until it was decimated, and she was safe again.

But already, the hopelessness, the jagged futility, was returning steadily and overtaking me. For I would gladly save Bella from a thousand enemies. I would willingly, without hesitation, throw myself in the path of a million dangers. But nothing, nothing, changed the fact that I could not protect her from the danger that was relentlessly taking over her body, right now, behind me in the very place I called home.

"They aren't far," I said. My voice felt hollow.

_I'm going to go take a look,_ Seth thought. _Run the Western perimeter._

That seemed like a foolish risk, letting Seth go out alone. "Will you be in danger, Seth?" I asked.

Jacob and Seth exchanged a look. _I don't think so,_ they both thought. Despite the possible risk, Jacob let him go. He did not want to give orders to Seth. He would need to learn to do this, however, if he wanted to fulfill his new role.

This thought caught me up short. Jacob had taken on the role of Alpha, a role I knew he did not want. A role that, despite his birthright, he considered to be against his very nature. And in making this step, in an effort to save Bella, and ultimately my family, he had given up everything – home, friends, and family. The price of this sacrifice was breathtaking – I was in awe that someone of his young years had the strength to take such steps in order to do what he knew was right. If I had ever thought that Jacob was capable of such a thing, I would have respected, and feared, him a great deal more as a romantic rival for Bella.

"This isn't the first time I've owed you my gratitude, Jacob," I whispered. "I would never have asked this from you."

_Yeah, you would,_ he thought, thinking of my request earlier today, that he offer to bear Bella children, at the possible expense of his heart, and soul, if still she remained with me.

He didn't realize that I never would have asked that of him, either. My request of him to give himself to Bella, to give her his power to create life, had included my tacit awareness that I would also give Bella to him, permanently, if she changed her mind and decided that, ultimately, she did want the human life he could offer.

_Be honest. _Had Bella maybe agreed to have his child, but stay with me…. I could not deny that, even given the destruction that might have caused to Jacob's life, I would have still asked. Ultimately, there might be nothing I wouldn't accept, wouldn't do, if it lead to Bella being saved.

"I suppose your right about that," I murmured, nodding.

_Well, this isn't the first time that I didn't do it for you._

"Right," I said softly.

_Sorry I didn't do any good today. Told you she wouldn't listen to me._

"I know. I never really believed – _and, cowardly, never really hoped _– she would. But..."

_You had to try. I get it. She any better?_

His question, and the tentative hope behind it, was a cold blow against reality. And it allowed an opening for the thought I had been fighting against, the realization I did not want to allow in. That listening to Bella's body, and watching her through Rosalie's eyes inside, I knew she was getting progressively weaker. The IV was not working.

"Worse," I whispered.

_Edward, what is happening?_ Alice was standing on the porch, the future blank in her mind. I didn't answer, pinned down now as I grappled with the reality that our last chance to halt Bella's slide towards death was proving useless.

Irritation flooded Alice's mind. _Fine,_ she thought. "Jacob, would you mind switching forms? I want to know what is going on."

I shook my head. "He needs to stay connected to Seth."

Her teeth snapped together. "Well, then would you be so kind as to tell me what's happening." _Snap out of it and start talking, Edward. I can't see anything and you know it._

_Fine._ "The pack thinks Bella's become a problem. They foresee potential danger from the…_Creature? Monster?_...from what she's carrying. They feel it's their duty to remove that danger. _By killing Bella. _Jacob and Seth disbanded from the pack to warn us."

_Remove it how? _Alice thought, hissing as she realized the obvious, and only, answer to this question. Inside, Rosalie's thoughts screamed with hatred and fury. _I'll kill them, _she thought.

Jasper and Emmett finally shifted their attention from Jacob, scanning the woods. _Where, when, how many, Edward?_ Jasper thought in alarm. _Are they close? _ His thoughts were on Alice, and her vulnerability to the wolves. He fought for her, as well as for Bella.

I shook my head imperceptibly. We would have time to discuss all this, inside.

"Carlisle and Esme are on their way," Emmett said. "Twenty minutes, tops."

"We should take up a defensive position," Jasper said, anxious to talk to me. _Get the wolf out of here, Edward, _he thought.

I nodded. "Let's get inside," I said, doubting Jacob would follow.

_I'll run the perimeter with Seth, _Jacob said. _If I get too far for you to hear my head, listen for my howl._

"I will," I said. Alice flew into the house, Jasper and Emmett backing up slowly toward the door. I walked slowly backward to the bottom of the stairs, and then stopped, watching, as Jacob ran away, already in silent conversation with Seth.

When he had disappeared in the trees, I sprang up the stairs and into the house. The others were clustered close together, just inside the door. Their heads swung towards me as I entered – they were waiting for me, tense and expectant. In Carlisle's absence, and considering that this directly involved Bella, my siblings were looking for me to take the lead.

_What the hell, Edward!_ Rosalie screamed in her mind. _How dare they try to hurt Bella._

I pressed my finger against my lips, motioning for them to be quiet. I wanted to make sure Jacob was completely out of ear shot before we strategized how we were going to kill his brothers. While I was enormously grateful for what Jacob had done, and the invaluable warning he had provided us with, ultimately, this was my fight. Our fight. Bella was part of our family now, and we would protect her. Jacob's mind moved swiftly away, leaving the house far behind.

As soon as I lowered my finger from my lips Rosalie was on me. "God damn you, Edward, and your twisted ideas! Look what you've led us to!"

"This isn't Edward's fault, Rosalie," Alice hissed. "There was no way to keep it from Jacob, and then no way to keep it from the pack."

"Yes, it is his fault. Don't let him weasel out of it," Rosalie insisted. She glared at me. "You let that dog into our house, towards your own ends! And look where it got us. You put what you want over Bella's safety, as always."

Was she insane! She dared to say that to me? "The hell with you, Rosalie!" I snarled. My god, I was going to end up killing her along with the wolves.

"Stop it," Alice broke in. She looked at me. "They really want to kill Bella? They would actually kill her?"

"Yes," I said, taking a deep breath, trying to will away Rosalie's existence. "Yes, they are willing to kill her. They consider the unknown factor of what she is carrying enough of a risk to kill it before it ever sees the light of day. And that requires, in their eyes, taking out Bella."

"I'll break their necks," snarled Emmett. "Smash them to pieces."

"Did you get a good look at the pack's plans?" asked Jasper.

"Yes," I hissed. As furious as I had been, my mind had captured each detail of the memories Jacob had shared with me.

"They are planning to attack tonight, hoping for the element of surprise. Obviously, they have lost that. Sam, Paul and Jared plan to kill Rosalie and me. Quil and Embry, without Jacob now, will take on Emmett and Jasper. Brady, Collin, Seth and Leah were supposed to concentrate on Carlisle, Alice," – I paused – "and Esme."

It was silent for a moment. "What about Bella?" Alice whispered.

I felt a rush of bitter anger. "Sam's exact words, I believe," I snarled, "were 'whoever has a clear line on the creature will take it'."

"All right, dammit, then what's the plan?" said Emmett.

"Jacob will howl if he hears the approach. And I will hear them, hear their minds coming. We will have a couple miles notice." My mind was working, revolving, trying to formulate the best plan of action. "We will want to meet them in the woods, away from the house.

"And the best way to kill them?" Emmett growled. I glanced at Jasper. His mind had been working through what he knew of the wolves, their strengths and weaknesses, this entire time.

"Well, we never should have let them see our practice fighting," Jasper began slowly, irritated. "It gave them too much information about us, and our individual strengths." He glanced briefly at Alice, and then looked around carefully at the rest of us. "However, even with that advantage they are really no match for us, especially in a one to one, or even two to one, fight."

"Damn right," agreed Emmett. I nodded. What Jasper said was true. Despite our anxiety, my family would be able to take down the pack.

"They are at a disadvantage with more even numbers," I said. "They have more of a group mentality. When the wolves come upon a lone, unsuspecting vampire, they attack as a pack, bringing him down." As I spoke, I thought of Jacob's memories of killing Laurent. I heard his high screams as the pack overtook him, leaping in an almost graceful unison to tear him down in one violent strike. "In more even numbers, they must fight by dodging and distracting, working together if there are two of them, with multiple small attacks."

"If you are facing two, don't let them play games with you," said Jasper in a hard voice. "Incapacitate one, kill the other, and then finish off the second."

"And don't forget," I whispered. "Our venom is poisonous to them."

Emmett and Rosalie, who knew this, nodded. But Jasper and Alice stared at me in shock. This was information I had gleaned from the mind of Ephraim Black, so many decades ago when we had first met the wolves. Before they had any reason to suspect they must hide their thoughts near me. It was a warning passed down among the Quiletes for generations, a knowledge born through the painful loss of their ancestors. A deadly secret, one they never would have wanted me to have.

"Poisonous," hissed Jasper. "Are you sure?" I nodded.

He contemplated this for a moment, and then his lips flickered up at the edges with satisfaction. "Easy," he said with certainty. "Easy to kill."

"I will take Sam," I said. "He will be the most powerful, the most determined. Plus he will be looking for me." And I owed him death. Ultimately, he drove the decision to kill Bella, and he would die for it.

Jasper exchanged a look with Emmett. "Emmett and I will take on their other four fighters – Paul, Jared, Quil and Embry."

"With pleasure," Emmett growled. "You and me, man." He clapped Jasper on the back.

"Are you sure you two can handle that?" I questioned. Emmett snorted, and Jasper gave me a hard look.

_We can handle twice that, and you know it, Edward, _he thought.

I nodded. "Well, I'll join you after I finish off Sam." I looked around, thinking. "Then maybe Alice can take Leah…"

"No," snarled Jasper. "I don't want her fighting. Carlisle can take Leah."

"I can fight," snapped Alice.

"No, you can't, and you won't," growled Jasper. He reached out and grabbed Alice's shoulder. "You will have no vision, Alice. You will be blind."

Alice shook him off, her small body darting out from under his hand. Her eyes flashed. "I will fight," she said softly.

Jasper's gaze was unrelenting. "I will kill Leah," he said in a flat voice. Alice growled.

"What about the others?" asked Emmett.

I thought for a moment about Brady and Colin – young, younger even than Seth - and felt a small flicker of doubt.

"We will definitely need to kill the older, more experience fighters – Sam, Jared, Paul, Quil, and Embry" – I paused for a moment – "and Leah as well, I think. She will fight to the death. There are a couple of younger ones, though, just children…" I trailed off.

"Are you kidding?" hissed Rosalie. "They are coming here to kill Bella and the baby. They are murderers. Kill them all, I don't care how old they are."

"You don't understand the pack mentality," I snapped. "Sam is driving this, it is his decision. He'll get them all killed."

Jasper sighed. "We could avoid using venom on the smaller wolves, and just incapacitate them," suggested Jasper, although his thoughts reflected that he felt I was being foolishly soft hearted. "We know from what happened to Jacob Black with the newborns that major broken bones take a while for them to heal."

"Yes," I said quietly, remembering. "We could hurt them enough to take them out, and then Jacob or Seth could return them to La Push."

"You're taking a risk," said Emmett. "They may be young, but they are still dangerous."

"Just try," I muttered. Jacob's mind, moving swiftly away but still in range, registered alarm and I froze.

_Hey – something coming up fast,_ said Seth. I stiffened, waiting. My family looked at me in alarm.

_Vampire. Bet it's Carlisle._ I relaxed – must be Carlisle and Esme – and shook my head at my family.

"We can move Bella up to the 3rd floor when they attack." I said. "Remember, Jacob has never been past the 1st floor – it is completely unfamiliar territory to them. And if they manage to get into the house the close quarters will definitely be to our advantage – it gives them no space to move, to dodge us."

"Just let those flea-bags come," growled Rosalie.

"They will never get that far," I snarled. I hesitated, and then looked into the eyes of my family. "Remember, they want to protect their land and families, but there will be misgivings. Sam was determined in his course, but I saw the conflict in their minds. They do not want to kill Bella, but feel they must." I paused, pulling in a rough breath.

Alice reached out and squeezed my hand. "We, on the other hand, all of us, would fight to the death, with everything we have, to protect Bella," she said in a firm voice. "That gives us a power, a strength, they will not have." Jasper wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

_Edward, we are coming_. Carlisle's thought were approaching swiftly. "Carlisle and Esme are close," I whispered.

"We should close up the house," said Alice. She suddenly reached up, pressing the keypad to close up the shutters against the back windows, our most vulnerable point.

"No," I hissed, my eyes on Bella, but it was too late. The metal groaned loudly, and Bella's eyes flew open.

"What's going on," she said, her voice a dry rasp. Our heads turned in unison towards Bella as the same thought went simultaneously through 5 minds. _What are we going to tell Bella?_

Bella knew almost everyone in the pack, and even considered a couple of them – Quil, Embry – her friends. How would we possibly tell her that these so-called friends were coming here, tonight, to kill her? To destroy her. And the thing inside her.

I met Rose's eyes, and a single thought of rare agreement passed between us. _Not now._

I nodded and moved swiftly to Bella's side, leaning in close to her.

"It's nothing, sweetheart," I soothed her. "We just don't want the light to wake you up in the morning."

"You don't need to do that," sighed Bella. "Don't go to trouble for me."

My eyes inadvertently met Rosalie's for an instant. She placed a hand on Bella's forehead.

"Go to sleep, Bella," she whispered. "Go to sleep." Bella's eyelids fluttered, and she fell back into an uneasy sleep. We waited a moment, and then joined the others by the door.

Just a few seconds later Carlisle and Esme arrived. Carlisle had his arm protectively around Esme as he swung her quickly inside the house, turning and bolting the door behind him.

Esme was distraught. "Oh Edward, I was so upset when I heard." She glanced at Bella, and placed her hand against her chest. "I'm just sick over it."

"Shh," whispered Carlisle reassuringly, drawing her into his arms. "I have to believe there will be a way to work this out, a way to prevent it." His eyes met mine over Esme's head. "Still, just in case, what have you discussed?"

I quickly ran through our plans. He nodded in agreement, his eyes sad.

"Is there any chance of stopping Sam, of trying to work it out?" he asked.

"That's up to Jacob," I said. "If he can intercept the pack and try to reason with them, who knows. I'm not counting on it. And I hope he doesn't get himself killed trying."

His eyes creased with worry. "What about Jacob and Seth – will they fight against their friends, their family?"

I sighed. "Jacob thinks he can." I turned away, moving over towards Bella. Carlisle came with me, and gave her a quick examination, his mind confirming my fear. _Not better. Not working. _He looked up and met my eyes. His face was white and strained, his thoughts desperately disappointed.

_It does not appear that she is absorbing the fluids. I am going to try feeding her intravenously._ He did not think this would work, either. He turned slowly and left to gather the necessary supplies.

Alice stepped next to me, looking down at Bella. She reached out and gently picked up Bella's arm with her hands, noting how thin it was, taking in its soft fragility. Alice's eyes raked over Bella's face, so pale and shadowed.

_Who would want to kill her?_ Alice thought. _Only an inhuman monster could want to hurt her._

"Yes," I whispered. _Yes, that's right._ And there were too many inhuman monsters in Bella's life.

Alice's hand slid down Bella's arm, and she paused briefly, holding her wrist. Her fingers rested on the thin, translucent skin that covered the inside of Bella's wrist. The blood rushed through the veins there, liquid heat, and beat hard against Alice's skin.

A blast of thirst tore painfully down Alice's throat. She shuddered, and then slowly, deliberately, set Bella's arm down. The future was flickering in and out of focus in Alice's mind. She saw portions of time with us in the house, and then large chunks of time missing, interfered somehow by the wolves. Bella, as always, was cloaked in a blurry fog that held no glimpse of hope.

Alice turned to me, wrapping her small arms around my waist. _I love her so much,_ she thought, burying her head in my chest. _She's so sick. I'm scared._

I began to put my arms around her when suddenly a wolf howl cut through the night. I stepped back.

"Go," I hissed, glancing at Jasper and Emmett. They disappeared, moving through the rooms, watching the windows. I quickly went to stand by the front door. Rosalie and Alice stood, tense, by Bella, ready to move her. Carlisle appeared by her side to disconnect the monitors. He watched me, ready.

"Not yet," I muttered. I threw my mind out, listening for a wolf mind, friendly or murderous. I cast around the forest, searching, tense.

_False alarm, false alarm,_ Jacob thought. I relaxed.

"Everything's OK," I whispered in a low voice. Seth had howled when he learned that Jacob had agreed to kill me. Well, I guess there was no hiding it, not among Jacob's small pack. I moved to the dining room window next to Emmett and watched for Jacob. He appeared quickly.

_There's nothing out there – you got that? _ I nodded. Suddenly Bella moaned from the other room. I looked back sharply.

_She's OK, Edward, _thought Carlisle. The moan had been low, quiet, and yet layered with a kind of pain that pierced through me. Bella hardly talked in her sleep anymore. I wondered what sort of demons haunted her dreams to cause her that kind of pain. Could they be that much worse than her reality? She moaned again and I shuddered.

_She's waking up,_ thought Rosalie in alarm. I waved at Jacob in dismissal and moved back to Bella, Emmett behind me. Bella was still asleep, though, when I got to her side.

Emmett touched my arm. _What the hell happened?_

"It was a false alarm," I said, watching Carlisle change the bag of fluid for a bag of thick, white liquid. _All in vain_, I thought. "Seth was upset about something else, and he forgot we were listening for a signal. He's very young."

"Nice to have toddlers guarding the fort," muttered Emmett.

"They've done us a great service tonight, Emmett," Carlisle said. "At great personal sacrifice."

"Yeah, I know. I'm just jealous. Wish I was out there."

The IV began to drip, uselessly, following the course of the tubes into Bella's arms. Jacob was still pacing in the front yard. I searched his thoughts for new information. "Seth doesn't think Sam will attack now. Not with us forewarned, and lacking two members of the pack."

"What does Jacob think?" Carlisle asked. I read Jacob's response.

"He's not as optimistic." Bella's breathing was harsh and uneven. Carlisle was checking the IV needle in Bella's hand. He gently removed a long piece of tape.

"Don't touch her! You'll wake her up," Rosalie snapped.

Carlisle sighed and straightened up slowly, Bella's hand in his. "Rosalie," he said quietly.

"Don't start with me, Carlisle. We let you have your way earlier, but that's all we're allowing."

Jacob was drawing closer, and the others could hear his approach. The atmosphere was tense, even though they knew he was not a threat. I listened as he rose up and looked into the window, horror struck at the sight of Bella in the makeshift hospital bed.

Bella's body jerked, as she choked slightly. I moved in to check her, but Rosalie pressed in ahead of me. She smoothed her hand against Bella's forehead. _Back off, Edward,_ she thought. _You've done enough to hurt her today._

My body went rigid. I remembered her accusation, that _I_ was the one who put what I wanted above Bella's safety. I would set her straight about that. But Emmett, reading my expression, appeared quickly in front of me. "Not tonight, Edward," he said in a low voice. "We've got other things to worry about." _And the wolf is right outside._

I turned away, moving my eyes to meet Jacob's. They were glowing wide in the night, strange animal eyes that showed a human sort of pain. He thought my eyes were burning, but I couldn't feel it anymore. I looked out from a cold void, a ringing space of hopelessness.

Jacob dropped down and ran away, escaping. I watched for a few moments the spot where he had been.

"Jacob's gone now," I muttered. "Patrolling the woods."

"Jacob was here?" Bella whispered. I looked down quickly. She was awake, her eyes wide open. "Why is he patrolling the woods?" She looked around at everyone, taking in their strained expressions, Jasper's restless movements through the house, her eyes finally resting on the back windows, where the silver metal shutters gleamed. She looked back at me.

"What is going on?" she asked slowly.

I glanced for a moment at Rosalie. Her face was irritated, but set._ Might as well tell her,_ she thought.

I hated to do this to her. And hated Sam for forcing this reality on her. I gently took her hand.

"Bella, love," I said softly. "The wolf pack is concerned about what you are carrying." Her eyes widened and she placed a hand on her stomach. "They are worried that it presents a danger. They have decided to intervene." I paused, struggling. "They do not want to allow it to be born."

Bella's eyes flashed angrily. "Oh, they don't, do they," she snapped. Then she paused for a moment and stared at me. "Wait. I don't understand. How can they stop him from being born?"

I watched her carefully as I responded. "They are planning to come here, possibly tonight."

"Come here to do what?" Bella whispered in a small voice. Realization grew across her face, and her skin paled to snow white. "To attack us? To attack me? To kill my baby?" She flailed slightly, trying to sit up, clutching her stomach with one hand. Carlisle grasped her wrist, worried about the IV, secured only with a couple pieces of tape now. I put my hands against her shoulders, trying to gently press her down.

"How do you know this?" she said, pausing suddenly. "What about Jake?"

"Jake left his pack in order to come and warn us," I said quietly. "He's here, with Seth too, watching the woods." Bella's eyes grew wide with a new horror.

"Left his pack?" she choked out. "And Seth too? Can Jake stop them? Send them back?"

"I hope so, Bella," I murmured.

"Bella, you are safe," said Jasper. He had drawn near, sensing intense fear, and despair, from her. Her emotions were strong, and laced his thoughts with anxiety. Emmett drew up next to him, as if they could comfort Bella with a show of their physical presence.

"We will protect you," Jasper said in a low, fervent voice. "We won't let them near you." He stepped closer, reaching to place a hand on her leg, intending to calm her.

Bella looked wildly around and adrenaline shot through her. "I'm placing everyone in danger," she cried. "My baby is in danger. I've got to get out of here!" She jerked wildly, and Carlisle, afraid of hurting her, let go of her arm. It swung around, the IV needle ripping out, tearing her skin slightly. Blood, fresh and warm, sprayed over Carlisle.

The flames of thirst tore through the room like an angry fire fueled by a burst of oxygen. It traveled through each mind, searing into mine in multiple bursts. Jasper let out a wild hiss and I whirled towards him, half blinded, but he was already moving away, lurching his body violently backwards, and then throwing himself up the stairs, escape the only thought on his mind. Alice followed quickly behind him.

Emmett, however, stood two feet from Bella, frozen, eyes dark pools of thirst. Rosalie stepped in front of him, placing her hands against his chest. He reached up slowly and circled her wrists with his large hands. For one long moment I thought he was going to throw her off. I heard the thought edge itself into his mind, as he imagined for a moment the taste of Bella's blood, and I steadied myself for the attack. But he just stayed still, holding Rosalie's wrists.

I had never meant for Bella to live in such close proximity to my family, not while she was human. It had been one of the reasons I had encouraged Esme to set up the cottage. My family loved Bella. But they were not meant to live with a human. And now, to have Bella here among them constantly, day after day, all of us thrust upon each other in an intimate way that was not meant to be, unable to leave, unable to hunt. It hurt them, and me, to see, no matter how hard they tried to beat it down, their reactions to the scent that now permeated throughout the house. And it was very dangerous.

Death never lingered far from Bella, even among those who loved her.

As I watched, Emmett's eyes seemed to warm, a dark golden glow slowly returning. His mind was very still, guarded. "I'm OK," he said, his voice strained. His eyes met mine. _I'm good, Edward._

Bella was sitting on the edge of the bed, clutching her arm, pale and shaking. She was watching the spot where Jasper had been. She looked around wildly at Emmett's face, Carlisle's blood splattered clothes, my panicked eyes.

"Oh, no," she cried, and burst into tears, burying her face in her hands.

"Oh, Bella," I whispered, trying to wrap my arms around her, but she threw me off.

"How can this be happening?" she sobbed. "I'm putting our family in danger. Everyone is fighting because of me. I've ruined Jake and Seth's lives." She shook violently as she cried, her heart racing. Carlisle, Rosalie and I exchanged concerned looks.

"Bella, we all love you," I said. "Jake and Seth love you. What they did, they did it willingly. It was brave, and it very well may have saved us all. We are not in danger – nothing will ever touch you, and we will all be fine."

Bella shook her head, hands still over her face. "No," she moaned. "I don't want anyone to die for me."

I knelt down in front of her, trying to gently pry the hands from her face. "Bella, no one is going to die."

She lifted her head, then. Her face was mottled, tear streaked. "But you will kill the wolf pack," she sobbed. "I don't want them to die, either."

I felt my throat close with pain and frustration, and I fought to keep my face from betraying my emotions. I encircled her in my arms again, and this time she relaxed against me. But I felt cold and stiff. She worried for the lives of the wolf pack, the very monsters that came here to tear the life from her. Why did she value the life of so many except her own? Her precious life – the cherished focal point of my existence, the life I would see them all dead for to save - she threw away.

I had no words to tell her what her life meant to me. I could only hold her tight in my arms. Tears poured out of her as she slowly weakened, slumping her body against mine. It was as if the sorrow represented the last of her strength, listlessly draining out of her. I lay her gently against the bed, and Carlisle quickly fixed the IV, securing it firmly with several pieces of tape, while she watched him with large, blank eyes.

Eventually Bella fell into an uneasy, broken sleep. I stood by her side, her hand in mine, as the hours drifted by. I watched Bella, as her body twitched, and she whimpered and cried in her sleep. I listened to Carlisle, as his thoughts grew more and more desolate as Bella showed no improvement. I heard my family, pacing anxiously, stopping to stare out windows and listen to the forest.

No one approached. I could hear neither mind nor body near us. As dawn began to break, it started to seem they were not coming. We were alone. And yet I was not comforted. The silent emptiness was a vortex, spinning, gaining strength, and pulling us all in.

Then, a wolf howl pierced through the still, silent morning air.


	12. Nourishment

***Hmm - some trouble getting this chapter to update. I am trying again - I apologize if you receive two alerts.

_Thank you, as always, for the wonderful reviews!_

_A long chapter - covers a lot. Some ups and downs for Edward!_

_Thank you to beta lada_8!_

_Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight._

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It might have been better if it had been the pack

"This is ridiculous!" bellowed Emmett, finding out the reason for Seth's howl had been the arrival of his sister. "Didn't anyone ever tell that kid about The Boy Who Cried Wolf?" He paused, and then burst out laughing, cracking up at his own unintended joke.

I growled at him, annoyed by his jocularity. "Shut up, you idiot. Bella is still sleeping." I glanced over. Bella started, but did not wake. She had actually been asleep for a long time, and I was beginning to wish she would wake up. Just so I could see her eyes, open and clear, and hear her voice. Small, tangible signs she was still with us. How many more times would I see them? I wished I could grab time with my hands, keep it in a strangle-hold and stop it from moving forward.

I looked back Emmett. "Seth didn't know it was Leah. He just heard a wolf coming." My family had gathered near the door again, having discovered the reason for the latest warning howl had not been the pack approaching, but Leah come to join Jacob's small band.

"Dangerous," snarled Jasper. "She'll turn on us in a fight for sure."

"This is crazy. I think we should just get Bella out of here," muttered Emmett. "Let's just get the hell out of Forks all together – head a few states over. Then head to Denali. How far do you think they would bother to follow our trail?"

Esme nodded, liking this idea. But Carlisle shook his head slowly.

"No, she is not really in any condition to move. And I have so much access to medical supplies and equipment here." He moved quickly away from the group back over to Bella's side, examining her silently with his hands and mind.

I went to join him, Rosalie at my side, when Carlisle suddenly turned around to face us. His face reflected his mind, both gripped with horrified helplessness. He walked towards us, and taking both our arms swiftly led us into the dining room.

"She's deteriorated extremely rapidly," he said in a low voice, looking not at us but through the doorway to Bella on the bed in the next room. Then he turned his head slowly to us. "I cannot even say, if, by the end of today…" His voice trailed off, seeming to die in his throat, but his mind continued the bleak thought. He didn't know how much more her body could take.

"The IV didn't work, not at all?" asked Rosalie.

Carlisle shook his head. "If it is doing anything, the effect is minimal."

Rosalie glanced at Bella, frowning. "I know she can do it. She's strong."

"Are you in a fantasy world, Rosalie?" I snapped. "She can't do it. Look at her. She might not even survive the day." These words brought on the sensation of being physically crushed, and I pressed my face into my fists.

I heard the flash of uncertainty in Rosalie's mind. "She will make it," she hissed, turning and swiftly leaving the room.

I groaned, and Carlisle put a hand on my arm. I could hear Jacob's mind drawing closer.

"Jacob is coming," I murmured. I started towards the front door, headed out to meet him.

"Edward," whispered Bella. My head whipped around. She was awake. I could see that she was trying to lift her head up to look for me, but couldn't. Fear trickled down my spine like cold acid at the sight of how weak she was.

Suddenly, her body lurched slightly, and she vomited. She was still struggling to lift her head forward, and she began to gag and choke.

"Jesus," hissed Rosalie as I flew over. By the time I got there Rosalie had her sitting up and was pounding on her back, too hard in her panic. I shoved her hand away and patted Bella's fragile back gently, modulating my strength carefully. She hadn't thrown up much, and she quickly coughed it up into the plastic container Rose was holding.

I eased her back down onto the bed when it seemed like she was done, wiping her face gently with a cool cloth Esme had brought. I could hear Jacob in the yard.

"Jacob's here," I muttered, looking at the door.

Carlisle put a hand on my shoulder. "Stay," he said. "I'll speak to Jacob."

I looked back at Bella. She was very pale, but calm. I had been afraid she would wake up as upset as she had been last night.

"Good morning, love," I said, taking her hand. Her hand was limp in mine, and I felt my chest clutch with anxiety.

"Hi," she said with a small smile, coughing again slightly. She looked around the room anxiously. "Where's Jacob?" she asked.

I paused for a moment in surprise. "Uh, he's here actually, outside with Carlisle." Carlisle was thanking Jacob for what he had done, and I was glad of it. I hoped Jacob would take Carlisle's words to heart, hopefully more than he did mine. I sensed a certain respect for Carlisle from Jacob.

"Oh." Her eyes strained towards the door with an obvious desire to see him.

"How are you feeling now, sweetheart?" I said, leaning down. I kissed her lips, and then brushed my mouth along her forehead and cheeks, moving to kiss her shoulder and up her arm to her hand. I held the back of her hand pressed against my lips for several seconds, almost afraid to let go.

"OK," she said, trying to smile. "Edward, how did Jacob leave his pack?"

"Well," I answered carefully, "he was able to exert his birthright as Alpha. Once he decided to do that, he inherited the full power of the Alpha, and Sam no longer had control over him."

"Oh," Bella murmured quietly. "So then Sam couldn't force him to kill me." She looked into my eyes. What I would have given to read her thoughts at that moment. Could she see, truly, what Jacob had done? That he had been able to recognize the power within himself, to fulfill his true destiny, at great sacrifice, in order to protect Bella from the very danger and death I had brought on her.

Whereas I had not been able to change my murderous destiny. It had been my very own nature, an existence I didn't choose and could not change, that had made me an unwilling participant in Bella's death.

"Yes," I whispered.

Outside, Jacob was remembering how it felt to be broken under Sam by the Alpha power. _To have no choice but be involved in the murder of someone I love,_ he thought.

_I know, Jacob,_ I thought, feeling the ache inside. _You may not see it, but I understand._

Bella was looking out the window now, turning her head away from me slightly, so that I could only see her profile, the soft curve of her nose and mouth, the fine edges of the eyelashes that framed her eyes.

"Edward," she said suddenly, not looking at me. Her voice was quiet, with a tinge of melancholy. "I wish we could have visited the meadow again."

I stared at her, perfectly still, as her voice sunk through my empty haze. The world around me froze in a single beat of icy clarity at the meaning of her words. Bella had started to give up hope. She realized there was absolutely nothing we could do to stop her decline. And she wanted to go to the meadow before she died. I knew this. I knew this to the very center of my core. Because if I were to be extinguished, if these were my few, remaining hours of existence, there would be no other place I would want to be than with Bella in the meadow. To hold her in my arms, and listen to her heart. To sift through the memories together, and wait for the darkness to take us.

I had never realized that Bella's hope, as senseless, as misguided as it seemed, had meant something to me. The few small supports I had built to keep myself going, to hold myself together during these dark days, began to collapse with her words.

"Yes," I whispered. "So do I." Given the wolves, I couldn't even grant her what she wanted. She nodded slowly, still not looking at me. Rosalie was watching my expression with wide eyes. Her mind was chaotic, battling the dark seeds of worry and doubt trying to infiltrate it. Jasper appeared, framed in the doorway to the dining room, his face tight and pained, helplessly absorbing my excruciating emotions.

"Maybe another day," Bella said quietly.

The silence around us was enormous, terrible. I was stricken, unable to move, my hand frozen around hers. She would not let us take it out of her, to save her, and she knew, while it remained in her body, we could not help her as she weakened and died. Could she feel it coming? Did she fear for the thing inside her? Or did she think it would survive her death, if she hung on long enough? I wanted to ask her about these fears, and yet I was paralyzed with terror. To hear her speak it aloud made it even more profoundly real.

Outside, Carlisle was still talking to Jacob.

"I'm watching her – and not just her, but the fetus as well – starve to death by the hour. I can't stop it and I can't slow it down. I can't figure out what it _wants._"

Jacob was angry. _I hate the thing inside her. It isn't enough for the monster to beat her from the inside out. No, it's starving her, too. Probably just looking for something to sink its teeth into – a throat to suck dry._

I lifted my head slightly, listening.

_I can tell them exactly what it wants,_ thought Jacob. _Death and blood, blood and death._

And in this moment, when I was sure it was forever gone, I saw it. Buried in Jacob's hate-filled thoughts, a tiny ember still burning deep inside the ruined, burnt out wreckage of life. _Hope._

The idea was impossible, and yet coldly obvious. I wondered how stupid I must be not to have seen it before. But it was because I hadn't wanted to think of _it._ I had only wanted to think of Bella, and how to save her, as if my obstinate ignorance of the creature could somehow will its existence away. But to help Bella I had to see, to accept, that their lives were inextricably connected. And we could not help one without taking in the needs and desires of the other.

The research we had done, the evidence we had seen with our own eyes as we watched Bella, had indicated that what she carried was far from human, instead reflecting the monstrous tendencies of my kind. It could not subsist on the building blocks of human life, and yet, that was all we had offered. We had relentlessly tried to maintain Bella's health through human food and fluids, sources of life designed to be ingested by the body of a mortal. But we knew this thing was closer to me, its _father_, than Bella. And I knew what my body's reaction would be if I had human nourishment forced on me. It would reject it as forcefully as possible, much as Bella's body had.

No, my body needed something else. It craved a wholly different kind of substance for strength. Jacob knew what that was. So did I. But to ask that of Bella? Blood appealed to me - I was compelled to drink it, my body sought it - the price of never-ending existence. But Bella, human, mortal. A human that could actually smell blood, who was nauseated by its very scent. I was sickened, and mortified at the thought of even suggesting it to her.

_But if it helped?_ I had admitted I would do anything to save her. I knew I would do this as well. I had to at least try.

I began to rise to go out to talk to Carlisle, when I noticed Rosalie staring intently at me. She had watched my changing expressions, going from deepest heartache to the ghost of hope. _What's going on, Edward,_ she thought.

My teeth clenched as I realized there was no way to approach this without involving Rosalie. She'd have to have her opinion too. What I would do to her, if she tried to stand in my way this time, was another matter.

I squeezed Bella's hand. "I'll be right back, Bella. I want to speak with Carlisle for a moment." My eyes met Rosalie's. "Actually, Rosalie, would you mind accompanying me?"

_No,_ thought Rosalie stubbornly. _I'm not leaving her side with that mutt here. _She placed a hand protectively on Bella's cheek.

"What is it, Edward?" Bella asked.

"Nothing you need to worry about, love. It will just take a second. Please, Rose?" I kept my eyes on Rosalie and breathed "It's important."

_Fine_, she huffed, calling Esme down to watch Bella.

Carlisle and Jacob were waiting for us on the porch, expectant. I explained my idea.

"Oh," said Carlisle. _Fascinating thought, Edward. How could I not have seen it? _"You think it is…thirsty."

_Yes! _Rosalie thought. She hissed with excitement.

_How to get it to the fetus? _Carlisle wondered. "What would be the best way to administer..."

"We don't have time to be creative," said Rosalie. "I'd say we should start the traditional way."

"What a minute," hissed Jacob. "Just hold on. Are you – are you talking about making Bella drink _blood_? That's just…"

"Monstrous?" I whispered. "Repulsive?" For that was what it was to ask this of Bella. That was what I was to have forced her to this point.

"Pretty much," he snapped.

"But what if it helps her?" I said in a low voice. I couldn't undo the damage the monster in me had wrought. But if I could find a way help her, even if it was objectionable…

"What are you gonna do?" growled Jacob. "Shove a tube down her throat?"

"I plan to ask her what she thinks," I said coolly. "I just wanted to run it past Carlisle first."

Rosalie was excited. "If you tell her it might help the baby, she'll be willing to do anything. Even if we do have to feed them through a tube."

Jacob glared at her, realizing with distaste her sudden interest in Bella. _Is Rosalie after the kid?_

Without looking at him I nodded slightly. Jacob bristled. _So much for protecting Bella – Rosalie'd probably jam the tube down Bella's throat herself._ I grimaced. I imagine he was probably right about that.

We turned and moved quickly into the house, Jacob following slowly behind. "What's going on?" Bella asked immediately.

"Jacob had an idea that might help you," said Carlisle. Jacob was annoyed – he didn't want credit. "It won't be… pleasant, but – "

Rosalie interrupted. "But it will help the baby," she said excitedly. My fists clenched – I wanted to send her flying into the wall. Her priorities were as obvious in her mind as her words. "We've thought of a better way to feed him. Maybe."

Bella laughed weakly. "Not pleasant?" she whispered. "Gosh, that'll be such a change." Her eyes looked at the tube in her arm.

I had done this to Bella. It was my responsibility to ask her to try this loathsome idea. I stepped closer and took her hand.

"Bella, love, we're going to ask you to do something…monstrous." Why put it in any other terms but the truth? "Repulsive." The house was utterly silent, as the rest of my family paused to listen.

Bella gasped slightly. "How bad?"

_Tone it down, Edward,_ Carlisle thought. He was anxious to try this, anxious for Bella to agree.

"We think the fetus might have an appetite closer to ours than to yours," Carlisle said aloud. "We think it's thirsty."

Bella's eyes widened slightly. "Oh," she said slowly. "Oh."

"Your condition-both of your conditions-are deteriorating rapidly," Carlisle said, trying to gauge Bella's expression. "We don't have time to waste, to come up with more palatable ways to do this. The fastest way to test the theory-"

"I've got to drink it," Bella whispered. She was nodding slowly to herself. "I can do that. Practice for the future, right?" She tried to smile at me, her lips pulling back in an echo of her natural expression. _Future._ That word made me unable to smile back.

_All right, come on then,_ thought Rosalie irritably.

"So, who's going to catch me a grizzly bear?" asked Bella quietly. I felt an uncomfortable twist in my chest. I hadn't even thought that she might misunderstand and think we meant animal blood. Of course, though. Why would she possibly think I would suggest she should drink _human_ blood?

I wondered if just using animal blood might be possible. I flashed a glance at Carlisle. _It has to be human blood, Edward, _he thought.

"_If_ the fetus is craving blood," I said in a rough voice, "it's not craving animal blood."

_Edward, _Alice called me mentally from upstairs._ Bella is going to agree to try it. _She flashed me a vision of Carlisle in his office, pouring blood from a bag into a glass. The blood in the vision was a disconcerting shade of red through the clear glass.

"Well," Bella whispered in a rough voice. "I'm starving, so I'll bet he is, too. Let's go for it. My first vampire act." She met my eyes, perhaps looking for a smile.

_Excellent, _thought Carlisle. _We'll be right back, Edward. _ He nodded at Rosalie and they flew upstairs to his office.

Bella was still looking into my eyes, and I held her gaze. I wanted to tell her I was sorry, once again, always. She looked back at me calmly. _Not your fault_, her eyes said.

_No! _I wanted to yell. _Don't absolve me. Not again._ But she was unwavering, only love for me in her eyes, not the disgust I deserved.

Upstairs, I could hear Emmett, Jasper and Alice come into Carlisle's office. They watched as Carlisle pulled a bag of blood from the small refrigerator.

"Bella is really going to drink blood?" asked Emmett, sounding both shocked and amused.

"Of course," snapped Rosalie. "It's for the baby."

"So Bella gets to drink human blood, and we don't," Emmett chuckled. "That's not fair." Alice hit him in the arm, and Rosalie glared.

"Go get a cup, Rose," Carlisle said quietly.

Rosalie went quickly down the stairs and into the kitchen. She grabbed a large, clear glass.

"Not clear, Rose," I muttered, thinking of Alice's vision. She glared in the direction of the living room, but slammed the glass back down, grabbing some sort of plastic child's cup that whoever had stocked the kitchen had included. As if a human child would ever be in this house. I shuddered with the thought.

She went back upstairs, and I watched as Carlisle carefully cut into the bag of blood with sterilized scissors, slowly draining a small amount into the cup. The others stepped back, standing near the doorway. The blood was cold, ruined…but still…

"You didn't tell her?" Jacob said suddenly to me. I scanned his mind for the topic – oh, Leah. I shrugged. It was hard to focus – honestly, to care at all – about anything but Bella.

Carlisle snapped the lid with the straw onto the cup. He looked at it for a moment. _Please, _he thought. _Please let this work._

"You're scared of Leah," Jacob was saying to Bella, "but you're best buds with the psychopath blonde?"

Upstairs, Rosalie hissed. _Imbecile,_ she thought. She tugged on Carlisle's arm, and they quickly appeared downstairs. Carlisle held the cup out tentatively to Bella, and her eyes widened with fear. I felt sick, remorse and shame battering through me.

"We could try another method," said Carlisle. He was thinking of a feeding tube, hoping it didn't come to that.

"No," Bella whispered. "No, I'll try this first. We don't have time…" Bella took the cup from him, and Rosalie lifted her carefully up to a sitting position. The liquid moved, and I caught the scent – it was wholly distasteful in this moment.

Bella smelled the cup, her face crinkling in disgust. Horror rolled over me. This was cruel. Outrageous. I was going to stop it.

"Bella, sweetheart," I said, reaching to take the cup. "We can find an easier way."

_Stop it, you jerk,_ thought Rosalie. _She has to try this!_ "Plug your nose," she suggested out loud.

"No, that's not it. It's just that it…it smells good," she whispered. I paused, surprised. She had always had such an aversion to the smell of blood. Bella closed her eyes and took a small sip. I heard the blood travel up the straw, rolling across her tongue and gliding down the back of her throat. I swallowed hard, horrified at what the taste must be to her.

Bella moaned, and Jacob and I moved together towards her. She must be totally revolted. I reached out and touched her face tenderly, thinking of all she had already been through.

"Bella, love," I said.

"I'm OK," she said. She opened her eyes directly into mine. Turmoil rolled in her expression. "It tastes good, too," she said in a quiet voice.

I realized she was embarrassed to admit this, and felt a wave of sympathy. She was so brave. As much as I didn't agree with what she was doing, she was fearless. I cradled her face in my hand.

"That's good," said Rosalie. "A good sign."

Bella pressed her lips to the straw again. I could sense the natural instinct as she pulled in the blood. The thoughtless look in her eyes, the automatic contraction of the muscles. I knew that feeling, that instinct. I had never thought I would share it with Bella while she was still human.

Bella glanced up at me. "Does this screw my total?" she said in a quiet voice. "Or do we start counting after I'm a vampire?"

_Hell yeah, it counts! _Emmett thought upstairs. I grimaced. "No one is counting, Bella. In any case, no one died for this. Your record is clean."

_You lost me, _Jacob thought.

"I'll explain later," I muttered. Bella raised her eyebrows.

"What?" she whispered.

I didn't think Jacob would appreciate Jasper and Emmett's bet, and I didn't want to explain it to him in front of Bella. She didn't need to see his reaction.

"Just talking to myself," I said gently.

_If he succeeds with this, _Jacob thought,_ if Bella lives, Edward isn't going to be able to get away with so much when her senses are as sharp as his. He'll have to work on the honesty thing._

I felt the smile play at my lips. He was right about that.

Jacob watched as Bella drank, wondering if he shouldn't be here. _No one else in this group is disgusted by what she's doing. Just the opposite – they are probably having a tough time not ripping the cup away from her._

How could he be so insightful, and yet so obnoxious? I rolled my eyes. If Bella was eating a steak, would he rip that out of her hands?

_Jeez, how does anyone stand living with him? It's really too bad he can't hear Bella's thoughts. Then he'd annoy the crap out of her, too, and she'd get tired of him._

A small chuckle left my lips. It felt strange. I realized that tiny ember of hope was growing, watching how Bella had taken to drinking the blood. Noticing, already, the slightest return of color to her skin, the increased steadiness of her hand. Bella smiled up at me.

"What's funny?" she asked.

"Jacob," I said.

_Great,_ thought Jacob. _Now I'm the court jester._

Bella finished off the blood in the cup. With each passing second she was noticeably healthier, the blood like an elixir of life, radiating out from within her to heal and strengthen. I was stunned with the speed of the effects.

_It's working, _crowed Rosalie in her head. _Is it enough to get through to the baby? _ "Would you like more?" she asked.

I glared at her. _Unbelievable._ "You don't have to drink more right away," I said quietly to Bella. But her eyes met mine with that conflicted look again, and then she looked down.

"Yeah, I know. But…I want to," she said quietly. I felt terrible for her, and yet strangely conflicted. It was so very wrong for Bella to crave blood, so out of line with her humanity. I could see she felt that. But, her body's response seemed to show that this was what she needed.

Carlisle went to get Bella another cup of blood, and was back quickly. She reached out and took the cup from him and immediately started drinking. I could see that strange instinct compelling her again as she began to drink, so familiar, and yet so foreign in her body.

I felt excitement building, creeping in, trying to fill some of the emptiness, even as I resisted. It was too soon, far too soon, to feel any sort of real hope. But…but she was just already so much _better_. There was no denying it.

I noticed Jacob's thoughts were getting fuzzy, indistinct, and I felt an unexpected wave of concern. He had already done so much for us today. He needed sleep.

"Don't worry about anything," I said. "I promise I'll find you if there's a need."

"Sure, sure," Jacob muttered. _It looks like Bella has a few more hours. I can escape, _Jacob thought. _The bloodsucker will wake me up if something goes wrong. He owes me._

"I do," I said. _So much, Jacob. Too much._

Jacob touched Bella's hand gently on the way out, noting her skin felt cold.

"Get her a blanket or something," he snapped in a low voice.

Suddenly, two urgent howls rang through the forest air.

_Dammit,_ I thought. "Dammit" Jacob snarled. He was out the door, leaping off the porch as he phased. It felt like a line of fire tearing through his body in his mind.

_Crap,_ Jacob thought. _Those were the only clothes I had._

_Incoming,_ yelled Seth._ At least three._

Time to act. "Ok," I hissed in a low voice Bella couldn't hear. "This might be it. At least three approaching." Jasper, Emmett, Alice and Esme appeared immediately from around the house. Rosalie snarled.

"What is it?" demanded Bella.

_So far, no other point of attack,_ thought Leah. I looked at Bella, intently, thinking. Three was not enough to attack. And if the rest of the pack was coming in from another direction, their numbers would be too low to be effective. Sam couldn't possibly be that stupid. And he knew I would hear them coming.

My mind flickered to Alice. She was searching for a future that was not blurred, or blocked. She sent me what she could see. Carlisle and I talking outside, his hand on my shoulder. Emmett in the forest, moving like a silent arrow through the trees. Jasper, serious but calm, coming into the house to look for her. Beyond that, there were large holes in her vision. Caused by Jacob and Seth, or other wolves?

Better safe than sorry. I looked over at Bella. Rosalie and Carlisle stood next to the bed.

"Move her," I ordered.

Carlisle's hands flew, disconnecting the monitors, leaving only the IV.

"No," Bella protested loudly. God, it was good to hear her voice so strong. "I want to stay here. Maybe I can talk to them, convince Sam to change his mind."

I looked at her in disbelief for a moment, and then met Rosalie's eyes. "Go, Rose."

Rosalie scooped Bella up quickly. "No, Rose," yelled Bella, but they were already disappearing up the stairs, Alice following with the IV pole, Carlisle behind.

Emmett, Jasper and I went out the front door. We ghosted out into the forest, spreading in a loose arc around the house, circling slowly and silently.

_Three wolves, one man, _Seth told Jacob. Then I lost Jacob's thoughts as I concentrated on Bella. Alice was standing in my bedroom, watching Bella, who lay on my bed with a resigned, sullen expression.

"There are four approaching Jacob's pack," I whispered to my brothers. "Nothing else so far."

Carlisle and Esme came out the front door and approached me. _Anything from Jacob?_ Carlisle thought.

I shook my head. "Out of range, I think," I murmured. I concentrated on Jacob, trying to hear his internal voice in my head. Suddenly, I found him. His use of our name helped me locate him in the distance.

_The Cullen's know something's up,_ Jacob thought. _They're ready._

"Got him," I hissed. "I can hear him."

I froze, trying to concentrate as Carlisle and Esme stood with me. Jasper and Emmett continued their circle around the house.

"It's Quil, Paul, and Collin in wolf form," I whispered. "Jared is in human form." Jacob was not yet willing to phase into human form, unsure if this was a diversion, if another attack was coming.

"They claim they just want to talk." I spoke slowly, listening and repeating the conversation to my family at the same time. "Their family has been torn apart. They understand how Jacob feels, but think he is overreacting." Emmett snorted from the other side of the house.

"Sam is willing to back down," I continued. "He's decided against immediate action." _Thank god,_ thought Esme. Carlisle's face relaxed slightly.

But relief was fleeting. "The elders agree that they can wait for Bella to be…separated from the problem before they act." I cringed at the word choice. Inside the house Rosalie hissed. "They are not _comfortable_ killing Bella."

I growled. Was that supposed to make this alright, that they weren't comfortable destroying Bella. And they were mad if they thought, no matter what happened with the birth, that we would allow them to ever come here and kill in our house.

For good or bad, it was my offspring. They would not decide its fate. And blind as I was to the future, god knew what that would be.

_What a load,_ thought Leah.

_You don't buy it? _Jacob asked.

_They're betting on Bella dying anyway, _Leah said. _And then they figure you'll be so mad…_

_That I'll lead the attack myself._ Jake knew this was possible. That, if that thing killed Bella, we would become the bloodsucking leeches he despised once again.

I wanted Jacob to kill me, when Bella was gone. But I truly hoped he wouldn't turn on my family. The thought filled me with an unexpected sadness. But then, my family would hate Jacob when he fulfilled his promise to me. I wondered if they would hate me, as well.

Carlisle and Esme were watching me expectantly, but I said nothing of this.

"Jacob is going to phase," I said. I chuckled. "He's embarrassed because he has no clothes and Leah is there."

_No clothes?_ Esme thought.

"He ruined them when he phased." Her eyes creased with worry.

I felt the trembling in Jacob's mind, the disconcerting sensation as he phased back to his human form. He stood, facing Jared.

"Jared wants him to come home," I whispered. "He wants Jacob to let Seth and Leah to come home." As if Jacob was holding them against their will. "Jacob tells him he doesn't know when, or if he can return. Jared is asking him where he is going to live, now that he has no home. He knows Jacob is out of clothes. That Leah does not like eating as a wolf."

With every sentence Esme gasped. I could tell her mothering instinct was in full force._ Poor babies,_ she thought. _I don't want them out there, alone, with nowhere to sleep or get food or clothes._

"They're wolves, Esme," I muttered, cringing against my own pang of guilt.

"Jared says that Sam is sorry. But Jacob says he is not coming back right now. He wants to wait, see how it plays out. He says they are protecting those who should be protected. Not just Bella, but the Cullens." Concentrating so hard on Jacob's voice, I spoke of my family in the third person. I paused after this, surprised, that Jacob had admitted he was not just doing this to save Bella. I wondered how much he truly meant that.

Jared continued his pressure. "Jared is saying that Sue – that is Leah and Seth's mother – is begging for them to come home."

"Oh, no," moaned Esme.

Jared was talking directly to Leah now, telling her Sam wanted her back. _He wants you home, Lee-lee, where you belong._

At such a distance, and not attached to Jacob's mind because he was in human form, Leah's thoughts were fuzzy, indistinct. Yet the force of her emotions at Jared's words from Sam were so strong they wrenched into my head – a convoluted mixture of fury, heartbreak, hate and loss. Leah's pain was vivid, and I flinched as vicious snarls poured from her throat. Carlisle and Esme eyed me, but I just shook my head.

"Jared asked Jacob where his land is now. He wants to know if it is vampire land."

"What did Jacob say?" asked Carlisle.

"He says he's homeless," I breathed.

_That's it,_ thought Esme. "Edward," she said quickly. "I want to make sure they understand that they can call this home. Anything they need – food, clothes, beds. I'm sure they'd love a hot shower. Please, please make sure Jacob and his friends know this."

"Ok, Ok, Esme," I said quietly, patting her back gently. "They are saying goodbye now," I went on, a little bit louder. "I think we can go inside, just stay alert." As I turned back to the house, Carlisle gripped my shoulder, and I turned to face him.

"Edward, your idea for what Bella needed was excellent. I know that you give credit to Jacob for the idea, but you articulated it." He looked me directly in the eye, and his voice burned fervently. "I want to thank you for bringing something to my attention I should have realized myself. I'm sorry I didn't."

"Don't be sorry, Carlisle," I said. I glanced towards the house. "She's improved so quickly," I whispered.

_Yes,_ he thought. _It is early, but, this appears to be what her body needed._

I touched his hand on my shoulder with my own, and then turned and flew back to Bella. She was sitting up by herself in the bed, arms crossed, face flushed with annoyance. It was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen.

_Just look at her, Edward,_ sighed Alice in her head. _She's so much better._

Better in health, not mood. Bella glared at me. "I want to go downstairs. No more hospital bed. I want the needles out now." If she had been standing, she would have stamped her foot.

I smiled widely. "Your wish is my command," I said. Her eyes narrowed. I turned to leave.

Alice's face was pinched uncomfortably. _Is he coming back? _Alice asked. She meant Jacob. _My head is so much better when he is here._

I squeezed her shoulder. "I'm sure he will be." He couldn't stay away if he wanted.

I bounded down the stairs, feeling weightless, as I called Emmett and Jasper. I realized I was flying with the joy of seeing Bella in better health. _Stop it,_ I thought. This was a dangerous, foolish line to cross, to let this hope in. Nothing had changed. We were still helpless to fight the real danger.

But I couldn't get the vision of her out of my mind, so much stronger, so much healthier. I couldn't fight it. Had it been only 20 minutes ago that her health had seemed so irreparable?

We moved the hospital equipment back to the office, rearranging the room back to normal. Carlisle did not want to take out the IV, and I heard heated complaints from Bella upstairs. Before I went to bring her downstairs, I went into Emmett's room, looking for clothes that would fit Jacob. I could hear him already on his way back, as expected.

"What are you doing?" Emmett asked as I walked through the room with a pile of clothes. He was standing in front of the TV, remote in hand, looking for sports.

"Put on something for Bella," I commented, and he sighed. "I'm bringing some of your clothes for Jacob."

He made a face. "Well, tell him I don't want them back!"

I placed the clothes on the front stairs and then went upstairs, scooping up Bella before she could protest. She may be better, but I didn't want her walking down the stairs.

"Oh my," Bella murmered.

"What is it, sweetheart?" I said, pausing.

She blushed, a pale rose color tinting her beautiful skin. "I _really_ have to go the bathroom."

I laughed. "I'll take you, love."

"No!" Bella said, the flush on her skin deepening.

"Bella," I said, reaching up with a hand to stroke her cheek. "I'm your husband. You don't need to be embarrassed." Bella shook her head, biting her lower lip.

"I'll take you, Bella," Rosalie said, reaching out and gently taking Bella from my arms. She then leaned over and kissed Bella on the forehead.

I blinked in surprise at such an outward show of affection from Rosalie. _She's so much better,_ Rosalie thought to herself as she moved down the hall towards the bathroom. Alice trailed behind them with the IV pole, raising her eyebrows at me as she passed.

After the bathroom we brought Bella downstairs and laid her on the couch. Emmett had actually put on a romantic comedy for Bella, and I flashed a smile at him in thanks. He stared back blankly.

_Huh,_ thought Emmett. _Edward actually just smiled._

We wrapped Bella up in a couple of blankets. "Sit with me, Edward," Bella said. I sat down with her feet in my lap. Rosalie got her a fresh cup of blood.

Jacob arrived seconds later. He found the clothes I had left him, and I was pleased that he put them on, whatever he thought about the smell. When he came in, I had to smile. The fit wasn't great, but they were probably the most stylish clothes I'd ever seen him wear. No one spent too much time in the Cullen household without Alice influencing their wardrobe.

Bella looked up suddenly at Jacob as he entered, and a wide smile formed on her face. She didn't just look happy to see him – she actually glowed with pleasure. _Why does she have to look so damn happy to see me?_ Jacob wondered. I didn't know. I felt a small, sinking feeling inside, and my mood faltered. Why was she so happy to see him? Did she feel safer with him here? Had she reconsidered his offer? I searched her face, looking for answers.

"They just wanted to talk," said Jacob, his voice rough, tired. "No attack on the horizon."

"Yes," I murmured, my eyes still on Bella. "I heard most of it."

Surprise registered in his mind. "How?"

"I'm hearing you more clearly – it's a matter of familiarity and concentration." At this point I could hear Jacob as well as anyone in my family, but I doubted he wanted to hear that. "Also, your thoughts are slightly easier to pick up when you're in your human form. So I caught most of what passed out there."

"Oh, good," Jacob said. He actually wasn't pleased. "I hate repeating myself."

"I'd tell you to get some sleep," Bella said, "but my guess is that you're going to pass out on the floor in about six seconds, so there's probably no point."

Jacob turned and started to walk slowly towards the door. "One Mississippi…two Mississippi…"

_Ugh, he thinks he's so funny,_ thought Rosalie. _I can't stand him._ "Where's the flood, Mutt?" she sneered.

"You know how to drown a blonde, Rosalie?" Jacob asked without looking at her. "Glue a mirror to the bottom of the pool."

_Ha!_ I chuckled out loud.

_Bottom feeder,_ thought Rosalie. "I've already heard that one," she yelled after him.

_Edward,_ thought Esme from the next room. _Go after Jacob and tell him what I said!_

I rolled my eyes but got up, telling Bella I would be right back. I went out the door after him, taking the stairs in one jump. I could feel I was still on my dangerous high.

Hearing my approach, Jacob turned slowly. "Jeez, what now?"

"I'm sorry," I said. I realized I didn't know how to present this to Jacob without insulting him. I was sure he was the type who wouldn't accept any charity.

_What's on your mind, mind reader?_

I went ahead, explaining how Esme was upset by the hardships of his small pack, and their lack of the amenities of home.

Jacob snorted. _Vampire mother hen – bizarre._

I told him we had human food, piles of clothes. Oddly, I realized I was very anxious for Jacob to accept some of our hospitality. In the midst of this nightmare, I could feel my relationship with Jacob shifting, changing, although I couldn't really define how yet.

"Please," I said, trying to inject the sincerity I felt into my voice. "Don't consider yourselves without the benefits of a home."

"That's, er, nice of you," Jacob said slowly. "Tell Esme we appreciate the, uh, thought. But the perimeter cuts through the river in a few places, so we stay pretty clean, thanks."

_Sure doesn't smell that way,_ thought Rosalie from inside.

"If you would pass the offer on, regardless," I said.

"Sure, sure," he muttered.

"Thank you." He started to turn away as I watched.

I heard the bone crack a fraction of a second before I heard Bella's cry.


	13. Choice

_Thank you for the reviews!_

_I'm sorry for the delay - it seems to take me 2 - 3 weeks to get a chapter out these days._

_This chapter covers much of the time period when Jacob was asleep on the Cullen's floor in BD. Seth later recounts some of these events to Jacob, but we never get to see them ourselves._

_We will be hearing from Renesmee in the next chapter or two (still working out the time frame)._

_Thank you to beta lada_8 for her insight!_

_Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight!_

_

* * *

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Hope is a dangerous thing. I had let myself fly high on hope, let it start to thaw the ice within. And so the fall and the pain were greater for it.

My cursed mind made the connection even in the fraction of a second it took me to turn back toward the house. I had been so foolish, so stupid, to believe that since we had made Bella healthier, she was somehow safer. The thing inside Bella took its strength from her, damned creature that it was, and with the healing power of the blood, its strength had grown exponentially, to a level that could only destroy Bella more. In helping her, we hurt her.

I moved swiftly into the house, through the panicked thoughts of my family, beyond the sound of Bella's cry of pain, and the echo of a bone cracking. She was bent forward on the bed, Rosalie supporting her, breathing roughly through clenched teeth. Carlisle and I leaned over her, listening intently for signs of damage, bleeding, and further breakage. _My god, how quickly could we get it out if it started to destroy her now?_ I could hear the rough movement near her ribs, the sound of bone moving against itself.

_Fractured rib,_ thought Carlisle. He went to put his hand on Bella's side, but she brushed it away lightly.

"Give me a second, Carlisle," she said, her breath coming short and fast. The bones creaked again and Carlisle hissed quietly in anxiety.

"Bella," he said quickly. "I heard something crack. I need to take a look."

"Pretty sure it was a rib." Bella moved slightly and she sucked in a quick breath of pain. "Ow. Yep. Right here." She gestured to her side.

Carlisle touched her shoulder. "I need to take an X-ray. There might be splinters. We don't want it to puncture anything." His mind painted the picture of the inside of Bella's body, all the soft tissue, and the small, delicate organs at risk. That she could be even more fragile on the inside than the outside, a frail shell encasing the ethereal mechanisms of life.

Bella pulled in a breath. "Okay," she said. Rosalie, who already had an arm behind her, gently slid her arm under Bella's knees. I moved forward, uncertain if Rosalie could control her natural strength enough not to jostle Bella needlessly. Rosalie caught my movement and grimaced.

"I've already got her," she growled. I locked my teeth, and followed her and Carlisle up the stairs. We passed Alice, who staggered a little against the banister. With Bella's cry she had thrown her entire mind towards Bella's future, and the strain was searing her head with pain. And guilt. She wanted to follow, to comfort Bella, but she just couldn't.

_I'm sorry, Edward,_ she thought, walking slowly downstairs.

The office was empty now, Emmett and Jasper having fled to the third floor after hearing Bella's cry, fearful of an injury that might have resulted in blood. They were skittish, nervous after the incident with the IV. Rosalie laid Bella gently on the table, and Carlisle ran the x-ray machine over her. We waited in silence for the results.

"Well," Bella laughed softly, breaking the quiet. "It seems he is definitely feeling better." Rosalie smiled and gripped Bella's hand. Bella's eyes moved to mine, but I couldn't imagine that even she harbored the idea I would be happy about this. I brushed the hair gently from her face.

Carlisle stared silently at the x-ray for a few moments. _Yes, fractured rib,_ he thought somberly. Finally his eyes rose up and locked with Bella's. He regarded her for a long moment.

"Bella," he finally said. His voice was quiet, serious.

All traces of the smile left Bella's face. "Don't even start with me, Carlisle," she said firmly. Her eyes flickered to me. "Either of you. We are not having the same discussion again."

"No," said Carlisle. "What I want to discuss, Bella, is that I think we may have reached an adequate level of development. There is now the possibility of delivering the baby early, before his strength can grow dangerous to you. More dangerous."

Bella sighed. "I want to wait until it is definitely safe for him," Bella said. "Until we are sure he is ready." I hissed quietly, and Bella glanced at me. He would show he was ready by tearing himself out of her. And I was not waiting for that.

"Even human babies can survive at what seems to be his approximate level of development," Carlisle pressed.

"They survive at fancy human hospitals," said Rosalie. "We don't know enough about him. We don't even know if your calculations are correct, if they are the same as for a normal human baby. If he will be strong enough to survive outside the womb."

My temper flared at my irritation that none of this conversation seemed to consider if Bella would be strong enough to survive.

"If it is strong enough to do this," I snapped, grabbing the x-ray of Bella's fractured rib out of Carlisle's hand and shaking it violently," then it is strong enough to live on its own, whatever it is."

Bella drew in a quick breath. "Whatever it is," she echoed softly, looking at me.

_Real nice, Edward,_ Rosalie thought in disgust. I felt the familiar rush of remorse, and bit back more bitter words. Because suddenly I was filled with bitterness. I hated that this was happening. With the sound of Bella's bone cracking, hope had been violently ripped from me, leaving a gaping hole that had quickly filled in with bitter anger.

"Edward," Esme said, a little sharply. She turned to Bella. "Maybe you should consider the early delivery, dear." But both Bella and Rosalie were shaking their heads now.

"No," Bella said, biting her lip. "I agree with Rose. We just don't know, and I don't want to take a risk." My face hardened at these words, and she quickly revised them. "A risk with him, I mean." She pressed her lips together, and looked down.

There was silence as Carlisle carefully taped Bella's rib up. He took out her IV, and that cheered her up. I thought she was annoyed with me, but when it was time to go back down she reached out her arms and I carefully picked her up and brought her downstairs. I paused for a moment in surprise at the bottom of the stairs. Alice was curled up on the floor next to a sleeping Jacob. Her mind was very empty, and she was enjoying a temporary peace.

I put Bella gently onto the couch and knelt down beside her. Rosalie came down and stood behind the couch, staring at Alice.

_Ugh, how can she stand it?_ Rosalie thought. "That's gross, Alice," she muttered.

"Shut up, Rose," Alice murmured back, not opening her eyes.

After another cup of blood and two trips to the bathroom, Bella eventually drifted off to sleep, her warm hand clasped in mine.

Suddenly, there was a sharp hiss from the top of stairs. Jasper had appeared, and was staring down at Alice on the floor by Jacob in annoyed shock.

"Alice, get away from him," Jasper said in a low voice. Alice didn't move, ignoring him.

Jasper was down the stairs in a flash, standing over Alice.

"Alice, please," he said more loudly.

"Jasper," Alice moaned, not opening her eyes. "My head feels so much better when I'm so close to him. It's empty – I can't see anything. It's heaven."

Jasper growled low. "That's probably because your future is so uncertain when you're that near to him," he said in a hard voice.

Alice opened one eye and regarded him. "You think so?" she murmured. "Maybe." She closed her eyes. "I'll take the risk."

"I won't," snapped Jasper. "I don't want you lying so close to him."

"Jealous?" Alice laughed softly. "Back off, Jasper."

Jasper continued to stand over her, mouth in a thin line, arms crossed.

Alice sighed. "Go away, Jasper,"

"No."

"Fine," she groaned, rolling away from him and even closer to Jacob. Jasper's teeth clenched. He was determined to stand guard over her for as long as necessary. Considering how much Alice was enjoying Jacob's effect on her mind, I imagined it would be a while.

Emmett came downstairs and sat in one of the chairs, pulling Rosalie into his lap and whining in her ear for a while that they were never alone anymore, until she finally, thankfully, told him to shut up.

As the dusk deepened, I heard the mental call.

_Edward, oh Edward._ Seth's voice sang in my head. _It's just me coming. Please don't let your brothers kill me! That wouldn't be good._

I grimaced. No, it wouldn't. "It's just Seth coming," I said quietly, and heard understanding in my family's minds. Seth was coming to check in on Jacob, who had never phased back. Seth's large footfalls grew steadily louder, and I heard him enter the yard, and then pause, uncertain.

_I don't have any clothes_, Seth realized. I watched the memory in his head. He had been so anxious to share the news with the pack when he found out about Charlie's call, he had phased without changing, willing to sacrifice the ratty sweatpants he had been wearing. Never realizing, of course, that he would not be returning home. I felt the small twist of pain in his heart at that thought.

_Ah, Edward,_ Seth thought. _Unless you want me to come in there naked…_

I stood up and went over to the window, and gave Seth a short wave. I went quickly upstairs and retrieved a set of clothes from Jasper's room. I went downstairs and, stepping around Jacob, brought the clothes outside and set them at the edge of the woods next to Seth.

_Thanks, man, _Seth thought, picking them up gingerly in his mouth and trotting away. I went back into the house, kneeling next to Bella on the couch. She was still asleep. I heard Jasper sigh, and then he reached down suddenly, wrapped an arm around Alice's waist, and pulled her easily up and across the room. Two wolves were too much for him.

Seth appeared in the front door a few seconds later. He looked down at Jacob, curled up in human form on the floor, and snorted.

"Good to see you, O Fearless Leader," Seth said, stepping over Jacob's head into the room. He looked around. "Thanks for the clothes, Edward," he said cheerfully. "They fit great, but I've got to tell you, they reek something awful." He smiled and then walked to the nearest chair and sprawled out in it.

_Great,_ thought Rosalie, glaring at him._ Now we're stuck with another one._

"Seth," said Esme. "I will wash some fresh clothes for you and put them on the front porch for next time." _And your sister, as well,_ she thought.

Seth's smile grew even wider. "Thanks, Mrs. C," he said brightly.

Emmett chuckled loudly and Rosalie elbowed him in the ribs. Esme bit her lip not to laugh.

"Seth, you can call me Esme," she said gently.

"Sure," Seth said quietly. He was looking at me now. _God, Edward looks awful_, he thought. _He thinks this is his fault. He takes it all on himself. _He had seen the images of me in Jacob's memories, my burning face, my figure prostrate on the ground in my grief and guilt. He had been shaken by that, and the vision lingered now, sending a shudder through both of us.

He also had seen the agreement between Jacob and me, in the event of Bella's death. And he was determined to prevent it.

Seth reached over and placed a large, warm hand on my shoulder. "How are you doing, Edward?" he asked quietly. All eyes in the room swung towards me. I glanced at him, feeling awkward.

"I'm managing, Seth," I murmured. He held my eyes for a moment. They reflected coal black in his.

"Just know that I'm here for you, man. No matter what happens." He patted my shoulder a couple of times, his weight and strength so different from Bella's human touch, heat radiating off him like a flame.

"Thanks," I said softly. Seth leaned back in the chair, looking away, but I kept watching him. He really meant it. His heart and mind were a simple, unclouded tableau of concern for me, and everyone involved. He was good. Like Bella. I had met Seth's mother at the wedding, and while she had been a good person as well, strong and fierce, I saw much more of her in Leah than in Seth. I wondered what his father had been like, and wished I could have met him.

But the most incredible thing, the fact that held a small place inside me, and steadied me with its own warm, glowing weight, was that Seth was my _friend._ And he cared about me.

Suddenly, the phone rang in the next room. _Dammit,_ I thought. Only one person called on our house phone.

"Esme, quick," I whispered, and she flew toward the kitchen, but it was too late. Bella's eyes were opened.

"Is that Charlie?" she asked, a little breathlessly. "I want to talk to him."

"Love," I whispered. "Go back to sleep." But she shook her head.

"Esme," she called. "If that's Charlie, will you bring me the phone, please." Esme brought the portable phone to Bella, an unhappy look on her face.

Bella took the phone, and began a murmured conversation with Charlie. She laughed, assuring him she was being well taken care of, that she was lucky to have her own full time doctor hovering over her constantly.

I felt a flash of rare irritation from Seth, and glanced at him. His eyes met mine. _Is it a good idea for her to be talking to Charlie?_ Seth wondered. _Won't that just make things harder for both of them…later?_

My jaw locked and I shrugged stiffly. What could I do?

Seth leaned closer. "Not that I want you guys to leave, Edward," he said softly. "But have you considered taking Bella away from Forks. Away from the danger of the rest of the pack?"

I shook my head. "Carlisle has too many medical connections here to give up," I replied. I glanced at Bella and touched her thin wrist with my finger. She looked up at me and smiled, the phone still against her face. I turned back to Seth. "And Bella, she's just so…so weak."

Seth nodded and looked at Bella, really taking in her physical decline for the first time. I heard the crack then, so much louder this time than the last, and alarm registered on Seth's face as I saw through his mind a sudden burst of agony rip through Bella's pale expression.

I twisted back to her as she said in a choked voice, "Charlie, I've got to go," and the phone dropped with a bang. Immediately Bella hunched over her stomach and then a small strangled cry fell from her lips as she arched backwards, teeth clenched, clutching her side.

Seth leapt to his feet. "What is it?" he cried.

"Carlisle," I hissed. I wrapped my arms around Bella and she pressed her face into my shoulder. Her muscles felt tight, rigid against the pain. Rosalie knelt next to me.

Carlisle arrived immediately.

"It's broken something," I said desperately, looking up at Carlisle, Bella still in my arms. "I heard the crack."

"Probably another rib," he murmured.

"_Another _rib," said Seth in shock. "Jeez, Bella, that's not good." Bella opened her eyes slightly to glare at him.

I picked Bella up gently and carried her upstairs behind Carlisle. She was still breathing hard. Rosalie, Esme and Seth followed.

_Don't let him upstairs!_ Jasper thought angrily. I didn't acknowledge him. I wasn't going to exclude Seth from what was going on just to maintain some sort of strategic advantage over the wolves in our house. And Seth was our ally!

It was silent in the room as Carlisle took another x-ray to confirm the broken bone, and then began to tape up the rib. Bella lay quiet, her head back on the table, looking at the ceiling. Rosalie was irritated, thinking our grim expressions were upsetting Bella needlessly.

She leaned over Bella, gently stroking her forehead. "It's all right," she said. "Sometimes even normal babies break their mother's ribs."

I looked at Rosalie with undisguised fury. What she said was true, and it didn't have a god damn thing to do with what was going on here. A broken rib was the extreme for a human fetus, and only the beginning for this one.

I caught Seth's worried expression. He saw me looking at him and stepped into the hallway. I knew he was getting anxious to leave, concerned for his sister being alone on patrol. I followed him out.

"I'm going to take off," he said quietly. "Run patrol with Leah, and let Jake sleep. He needs it." He studied me for a moment. "She's going to be OK, Edward." He smiled and loped down the stairs. I turned away, feeling nothing but a stinging emptiness, and went back to the office. I kissed Bella and then picked her up, cradling her in my arms, and brought her up the stairs towards the bedroom.

"I need a new shirt," Bella moaned. "This one could walk on its own."

I tried to laugh. "I'll help you change," I said quietly. We went into the bedroom and I shoved the door silently shut behind us with my foot, right in Rosalie's face. She fumed outside, but Esme laid a hand on her shoulder, and she didn't come in.

I placed Bella carefully on the bed and then went over to the pile of shirts Alice had collected for Bella. I looked through and pulled out a soft, dark blue shirt – one of Jasper's, I thought. I climbed onto the bed behind Bella.

"Let's get this off you," I murmured, gently lifting the shirt and helping her pull her arms out. Bella winced in pain and I froze.

"Keep going," she sighed. "I feel like a baby being changed like this. And I definitely want a shower tomorrow. I must stink."

I chuckled quietly. "You smell perfect, as always," I assured her. Between Jacob and Seth, the smell of werewolf had begun to permeate the entire house. No human body odor could compete with the stench.

I tossed Bella's old T-shirt on the floor, and without thinking my hand reach forward and caressed down the satin skin of her naked back. She was so pale, paler than normal, and yet she seemed to glow in the moonlight. Bella sighed at my touch. I leaned over and pressed my lips against her bare skin. She shivered slightly, and it felt like the flutter of a million tiny wings, angel wings, against my lips.

I picked up the new shirt and pulled it gently over her head. She pushed her arms through and then leaned back against my body. She reached one arm around and laid her hand on the back of my neck, and then turned her head, craning slightly. I leaned around and kissed her lips. I felt her shift uncomfortably, and realized her ribs must be hurting her.

Aggravated by my thoughtlessness, I helped her lay down in bed, and then went to get her a new cup of blood. Carlisle handed it to me. _When Bella is asleep,_ he thought. _Come and see me. I want to talk to you._

I nodded wordlessly, and brought the cup to Bella. She was already in a restless sleep. I placed it on the table we had set up next to the bed, and went back to Carlisle's office. He was standing by the exam table, Bella's latest x-ray in his hand. He looked up at me as I came in.

"When Jacob wakes up," he said, "I am going to talk to him about a hunting trip. It is long overdue, as I know you are aware. I would like to purchase some more blood for Bella, as well."

"Will it be safe?" I asked.

"That's what I'm going to ask Jacob." He sighed. "And when I return, you and I will need to seriously discuss and prepare for the delivery, and the change." His face was calm and set.

A low growl rose from within me. "God dammit, Carlisle. Is there no way to stop this?" I turned and slammed my fist into the wall, driving straight through to the other side. I was immediately angry with myself. _Childish. _ I pulled my hand slowly out, leaving a ragged hole. _Esme will be mad._

I turned back to Carlisle. "If I can just get her to change her mind. Maybe I can get Jacob to talk to her again."

Carlisle bent his head to one side, looking quizzically at me. _Jacob?_

"I asked Jacob to give Bella the option to have a child with him, a human child, and end this disaster," I said bluntly.

Carlisle stared at me silently, slightly shocked. _You can't possible want that, Edward._

"It doesn't matter what I want," I breathed.

"Yes, it does," said Carlisle quietly.

"Well, what I want is for Bella to live. However possible." My voice was strained. "Live, and stay human."

_But Edward, _Carlisle thought_. It's beyond that now. The fetus is very strong, and Bella…_ he trailed off, looking down at the x-ray.

"There might be a chance, though…" I pressed.

Carlisle looked at me sharply. "Edward." He spoke aloud suddenly. He placed the x-ray on the desk and reached up to grip my shoulders with his hands, his eyes fierce. "I need to know that you understand there is very little chance she will make it through this as a human, however or whenever it happens."

"I know that, Carlisle," I sighed. He gripped me harder and shook me slightly, eyes still intent on me.

"No, Edward, I'm not sure you do." His voice was anxious. "I see the doubt in your eyes. And this situation will balance too much on the edge of a knife for there to be any doubt. When the birth happens, and I make the call that she cannot survive human, that it is time to change her, there can be no argument. We must be able to act immediately, without delay or discussion or second guessing. Will you be able to do that, Edward?"

I was frozen, taken aback by his sudden intensity. "I just…" I faltered. "I never wanted it to be this way, for Bella. I wanted her to have a choice, not be forced into it by my actions, by things she has no control over."

Carlisle's hands released me, but his eyes did not_. This is her choice, Edward. She's made this choice, time and time again, since she found out about the pregnancy. She has never wavered, not even for a moment. We have explained in every possible way the consequences, and she has now lived through many of them, and still she chooses to continue. There is no doubt on her part._

"I understand," I said softly. The doubt came from me. I was the weak link. But I had to be sure. "I want to talk to Bella again about it, about changing her. I know she understands, but I want to hear it from her."

"And you should," Carlisle said firmly. "I will need your strength, Edward, when the time comes. I will need you by my side, 100% focused, if we are going to get her through this."

I nodded and turn silently. I walked slowly back up the stairs to the bedroom. I just couldn't believe that there was no other way. No other way than to just wait for it to rip the life from Bella, while we ripped out her soul. That it was, as ever, too late.

I went into the bedroom and started towards the bed. I would allow myself to lay down with Bella for a while. To hold her in my arms, imagine we were in her small bed in Charlie's house, and that I would hold her all night and the dawn would still be filled with hope.

_You are a jackass._ Rosalie hurled her thoughts at me from the other side of the room. I altered my course seamlessly, moving instead until I stood directly in front of her. She was by the window, the moon reflecting off her hair, both golden in the night.

"What is your problem, Rosalie?" I hissed.

"I heard you talking to Carlisle," she whispered. " 'If I can just get her to change her mind'." She repeated my earlier words to Carlisle back to me in a mocking tone. "You are just never going to get it, are you, Edward?"

"Get it?" I snapped. "Get what? That the thing is going to kill her in the end? My god Rosalie, it's breaking her bones now! Do _you_ get _that_? Do you know what that feels like for her? Do you even remember human pain?"

Rosalie's reaction to my words was instantaneous. Her entire body became rigid, steel. She moved closer to me, very slowly, and pressed one long finger against my chest.

"You dare ask me if I remember human pain?" Rosalie snarled in a low voice. Her eyes glittered with her fury, black onyx in the night. "If I remember the feel of broken bones? The feel of being battered inside, as well as out?"

I started to speak, but her finger moved up to my mouth, pressing it shut. "I know more about human pain than you can ever imagine, Edward."

She threw the image at me, even though she knew I hated it. Even though it hurt us both. _The cool, dark street at night. The sounds of a human body being intentionally, irreversibly damaged. The faces of the men looking down on Rosalie, the pain as they…_

I clenched my teeth together, trying to block the image out. I pushed her hand away from my face. "Stop it," I hissed.

"Do you think I would wish that kind of pain on Bella?" she said in a low, fierce voice. "That I would wish even a fraction of it on her?"

"Then why, Rosalie, why?" I moaned. "Why are you helping her with this?"

"Because this isn't about what I want," she said quietly. "It's about what Bella wants."

"Don't even," I growled. Her face hardened, and she threw up her arms slightly in submission.

"Fine," she snapped. "I know you can see inside me. That you are rooting around in my head, as always. Yes, I have my own reasons, and you know them damn well, for wanting to help her. But it doesn't really matter what our motives are – Bella and I have the same purpose, the same goal. To bring this child safely to life. Can't you see that?"

Anger boiled inside me, turbulent, a bitter, seething pool of resentment and fear. "Rosalie, imagine if Emmett had some reckless plan. A plan that would almost certainly destroy him. And instead of trying to stop it, I helped him, supported him, to my own ends. Think how you would feel." My voice dropped, low, rough. "Think how much you would hate me."

Rosalie became very still, and stared at me for a long moment. "I'll take your hate then, Edward, if that is how you truly feel. But this is different, and you know it. Why can't you see the connection Bella already has with him?"

I shook my head against her words. That connection was killing Bella.

"I refuse to believe that I am wrong in supporting Bella," Rosalie said firmly. "You're wrong, Edward. For not trusting her. For not even wanting your own baby!"

Air froze in my throat. These words cut me deep, and quick. Cut me in a place I wasn't sure I had known existed. Somewhere inside me that I couldn't, wouldn't, acknowledge. I pushed it away.

"Baby," I growled. "I'm sick of that word, and sick of the charade." I grabbed Rosalie's arm roughly and turned her toward the bed, where Bella lay sleeping, her midsection bulging out unnaturally after only weeks – just weeks – of carrying the thing.

"What do you think it is, Rosalie?" I snarled, shaking her. "Don't give me bullshit about a baby. She's been pregnant for just weeks, and look at her. Look at the size of her. Looks what it's doing to her. What do you think it is? What? What?"

The world disappeared for a moment behind black and red stars of fury and desperation. I shook myself out of it roughly, and then realized I was still shaking Rosalie. She wasn't resisting. I stopped and she ripped her arm out from my hand, turning towards me. _Bastard,_ she thought.

"Tell me," I growled. "Tell me!"

"I don't know, OK," she hissed, her hand coming up and striking me in the chest, sending me back a couple inches. "I don't know!" Her hand came up to hit me again, and I braced myself, reaching to grab her wrist with my hand.

But the blow didn't come. Suddenly, silence rang in my ears. Rosalie's face relaxed, and went strangely blank. I felt my arm grow warm and heavy, and I lowered it. The air in the room seemed to thicken, grow still. I realized I didn't feel mad at Rosalie anymore. Conversely, I felt something else, like affection tinged with sadness.

With effort, I turned my head towards the door. Esme was standing a few feet into the room. Jasper was behind her, his hand on her back, channeling her love, her affection for us into everyone in the room, within a thick blanket of calm. I heard Bella breath in deeply, and exhale in a sigh, shifting in her sleep.

"Stop it," Esme whispered. "Stop hurting each other." She took a step away from Jasper towards us.

"She doesn't have the answer to your question, Edward," she said very gently. "None of us do. All we know is that Bella loves him."

Her face was so sincere, and yet I wanted to roar with fury and frustration. It felt like I was up against a brick wall, and I kept smashing into it again and again. I couldn't break it down, I couldn't get around it. Everything I'd ever wanted was on the other side, but no one could hear me, no one could see me trying to get through.

Jasper hissed, annoyed that he'd lost control of my mood. _Don't fight me, Edward,_ he thought. He dove deep down into himself. Given his gift, Jasper had perfected over the years the ability to find the emotion he needed within his mind. Now he searched for his center of calm, and as it rose up and took him, it flooded out into everyone in the room, smothering all the emotions in a thick weight of peace that simultaneously held us down and made us float.

I watched Rosalie's eyes close, and then my own closed as well. We didn't fight it. Perhaps we all wanted, _needed,_ a moment of escape, away from the anger, from the fear. I let the calm carry me, cresting, then falling, and then floating up again.

I felt Jasper begin to pull away. Like a wave that crashes up onto the shore, obliterating and carrying everything in its wake, and then slowly recedes, leaving behind the harsh grains of life. I could not hold back the tide anymore. I opened my eyes to reality.

The brick wall remained.


	14. Inevitable

_As always, your reviews are deeply appreciated. They really keep me going when I get stuck._

_This is a long one - covers the book up until just before Edward hears Renesmee. I can't believe we are so close to the birth!_

_Thank you, as always, to beta lada_8 for her support._

_Songs for this chapter:_

Never Say Never,_ The Fray_

21 Guns_, Green Day_

_Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight._

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* * *

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I memorized Bella that night as I lay next to her in the bed. The way her skin felt under my hand as I stroked her face again and again. The gentle breeze of her breath against my neck when she rolled into my embrace. The warm pressure of her leg pressed up against mine. Each was something I had experienced a thousand times before, and yet it all still took my breath away, as miraculous as the first time.

When Bella woke, her face was very pale. I was sure her ribs had grown extremely sore during the night. Large, purple bruises showed from under the tape all up her rib cage and around her back. Her expression was grim, but set, as if she was determined to get through another day. To make it through another day.

Rosalie and Alice helped Bella take a shower, and I decided to cook breakfast while I waited for her. I hoped that Bella would be hungry this morning, and I was sure Jacob would be if he ever woke up. I made some dough for cinnamon rolls, something I had made for Bella on the Island, and while it rested I started some bacon and chopped up mushrooms and onions for omelets. Bella loved mushrooms.

Everything was finished when Bella came down from the shower. "God, that felt fantastic," she said as Rosalie set her on the couch. She was pink and glowing from the hot water in the shower, and the scent of strawberries rose off her freshly dried hair, mixing with her own scent, an intoxicating blend.

"I made you breakfast, love," I said. "Are you hungry?"

"Absolutely," she laughed. "Thank you." I set a plate of food on her lap, and Carlisle came downstairs with a cup of blood.

"This is so good," moaned Bella, eating the omelet. Then she shivered. "Oh, I have the chills." Carlisle's forehead wrinkled slightly in concern as he glanced down at her. Suddenly, I caught someone approaching.

_I hope he's there,_ thought Seth, approaching fast in wolf form. He and Leah were worried they had never heard from Jacob.

"Seth is coming," I said. I went in the kitchen to prepare him a plate of food – if he was anything like Jacob, he would be hungry. Seth changed quickly outside into the fresh clothes Esme had laid out for him, and then knocked softly.

Carlisle opened the door as much as Jacob's body would allow, and Seth stuck his head in and laughed in relief.

"He's still sleeping? Unbelievable." Jacob rolled onto his back and began to snore. Seth snorted, and then stepped in the door and prodded him with his foot. Jacob rolled back onto his side and Seth laughed again, glancing around the room.

"Ohh, is that breakfast," he asked, eyes lighting up.

"Yes, Seth. Please stay and eat," said Esme. "And there is plenty for your sister as well."

_Oh, shoot, forgot all about Leah,_ he thought. "I guess I should take some food to her, first," he said reluctantly. I handed him the plate and went to fill another. He ran out into the woods and, after undressing carefully, phased.

_I've got food, Leah,_ he crowed.

_Food?_ _What about Jacob?_

_Oh, he's fine! He's still sleeping. Please, Leah, come and eat – it looks amazing!_

_I'd rather eat roadkill! So I'm out patrolling while Jake is all curled up asleep at the bloodsuckers' and you're eating their food? _She was furious with disbelief.

_Aww Leah, I haven't eaten anything!_

_Not yet! You two are unbelievable! Damn vampire lovers._

I sat next to Bella, smiling at the exchange. She raised her eyebrows at me, but I just shook my head. Seth phased back, disappointed, and returned still carrying the plate.

"Um," he said, looking at me.

"Don't worry about it, Seth," I said. "Sit down and eat." I felt another shiver run through Bella, and quickly removed my arm from around her. "Are you still cold, sweetheart?"

"Sort of," she admitted.

"I'll sit with her," offered Seth. "I'm like a walking electric blanket." He sat down on the other side of the couch and put his arm around her.

"Oh, you are so hot," said Bella, snuggling into him.

"Don't I know it," Seth laughed. Bella punched him in the ribs. Jacob shifted and started snoring loudly again.

"Wow, how did you guys stand that all night?" Seth said, laughing loudly. "Especially with your super hearing."

"Shh," giggled Bella. "You'll wake him up."

But Jacob groaned and rolled over. His first conscious thought was the burning smell in his nose. _The pillow_. Esme had insisted on putting it under his head during the night. I had suspected he would not appreciate the gesture. At least Carlisle had been able to stop her from covering him with a blanket as well.

"About time," muttered Rosalie. "The chainsaw impersonation was getting a little tired." Bella stifled a laugh.

Jacob's eyes slowly opened. He was unhappy to wake up on the floor, and then even more unhappy to see Seth with his arm around Bella, enjoying breakfast. His teeth clenched, his eyes trained on Seth's arm. _What the hell?_

"He came to find you," I said, feeling suddenly defensive of Seth. "And Esme convinced him to stay for breakfast."

Seth was looking at Jacob, whose face was stiff and unhappy. _Oh man,_ he thought. "Yeah, Jake – I was just checking to see if you were okay 'cause you didn't ever phase back," he quickly explained. "Leah got worried. I told her you probably just crashed human, but you know how she is. Anyway, they had all this food and, dang, man you can cook," he said, looking at me.

"Thank you," I said quietly, watching Jacob. His eyes hadn't moved from Seth's arm on Bella, and he let out a long breath. _A bit possessive, are we?_ I knew the feeling.

"Bella got cold," I said softly.

Seth's eyes flickered back to Jacob. _Okay, then…right._ _I think she's warmer now. And if I don't want to run patrol for the next 24 hours straight…_ He pulled his arm off Bella and continued eating, staring down at his plate.

Jacob stood up, looking around warily. He approached Seth, eyes flickering to Bella several times.

"Leah running patrol?" he asked. He eyed Seth's clothing. _New._

"Yeah," Seth answered. "She's on it. No worries. She'll howl if there's anything. We traded off around midnight." He smiled proudly. "I ran twelve hours."

"Midnight?" Jacob gasped, shocked. "Wait a minute – what time is it now?"

"'Bout dawn."

_Well, damn._ "Crap. Sorry about that, Seth. Really. You shoulda kicked me awake."

_I tried,_ Seth thought with amusement. "Naw, man, you needed some serious sleep. You haven't taken a break since when? Night before your last patrol for Sam? Like forty hours? Fifty?" Seth sighed. "You're not a machine, Jake. 'Sides, you didn't miss anything at all."

_Nothing at all?_ Jacob turned to look at Bella fully. _Color better. Lips pink. Hair shiny. _He thought she looked a lot better. In some ways, he was right.

"How's the rib?" he asked.

"Taped up nice and tight," she said brightly. "I don't even feel it." My teeth clenched, and I turned away - I knew it was hurting her to even breathe deeply.

"What's Leah having for breakfast?" Jacob snapped at Seth.

"Hey, I took food to her before I ate anything," Seth said quickly. "She said she'd rather eat roadkill, but I bet she caves. These cinnamon rolls…" He took a large bite and groaned.

"I'll go hunt with her, then," Jacob said stiffly.

_Of course,_ thought Seth, sighing again.

"A moment, Jacob?" Carlisle had come down.

Jacob turned swiftly towards him. "Yeah?"

"Speaking of hunting," Carlisle said. "That's going to be an issue for my family." Upstairs, Jasper and Emmett stilled, listening intently. "I understand that our previous truce is inoperative at the moment, so I wanted your advice." Surprise swept over Jacob's face. "Will Sam be hunting for us outside of the perimeter you've created? We don't want to take a chance with hurting any of your family – or losing any of ours. If you were in our shoes, how would you proceed?"

_What would I know about being in a bloodsucker's expensive shoes?_ Jacob thought. But he considered the question seriously. "It's a risk. Sam's calmed down some, but I'm pretty sure that in his head, the treaty is void. As long as he thinks the tribe, or any other human, is in real danger, he's not going to ask questions first, if you know what I mean. But, with all that, his priority is going to be La Push. There really aren't enough of them to keep a decent watch on the people while putting out hunting parties big enough to do much damage. I'd bet he's keeping it close to home."

Carlisle nodded.

"So I guess I'd say, go out together, just in case," Jacob finally went on. "And probably you should go in the day, 'cause we'd be expecting night. Traditional vampire stuff. You're fast – go over the mountains and hunt far enough away that there's no chance he'd send anyone that far from home."

"And leave Bella behind, unprotected?" Carlisle asked concerned.

Jasper hissed upstairs. _Absolutely not_.

_Over my dead body,_ thought Rosalie.

"What are we, chopped liver?" asked Jacob.

Carlisle, smiled, but he knew we would never leave Bella unattended. And he had other concerns as well. "Jacob, you can't fight against your brothers," he said gently.

Jacob's expression was hard. "I'm not saying it wouldn't be hard, but if they were really coming to kill her – I would be able to stop them." I squeezed Bella's hand – her eyes were wide and sad.

"No, I didn't mean that you would be… incapable. But that it would be very wrong. I can't have that on my conscience."

"It wouldn't be on yours, Doc. It would be on mine. And I can take it."

"No, Jacob." Carlisle was determined it would not come to that. "We will make sure that our actions don't make that a necessity." _How many can adequately defend?_

"There need to be at least four of us here," said Jasper softly from upstairs. "Three at the absolute least."

Carlisle's eyes met mine for a fraction of a second. _As long as we avoid the wolves, they probably won't attack the house as they won't realize our numbers are down. _"We'll go three at a time," he said slowly. "That's probably the best we can do."

"I don't know, Doc. Dividing down the middle isn't the best strategy."

"We've got some extra abilities that will even it up. If Edward is one of the three, he'll be able to give us a few miles radius of safety."

My head rang for a moment, and I stared at Carlisle in utter disbelief. How could he possible think I would ever dream of leaving Bella, leaving her miles behind to go hunt in the mountains? I needed to be here, by her side, always, for at any moment…My jaw tightened and I clenched Bella's hand a little too tightly.

Carlisle eyes widened slightly. _I thought it might be a good idea for you to hunt, to prepare for the birth._ I hardened my expression. _Of course, sorry, Edward._

"I'm sure there are other ways too," he said quickly to Jacob. _Perhaps Alice should go with both groups._

After settling things with Seth, and being pressed into taking food and clothes to Leah by Esme, Jacob left. Seth followed quickly afterward, promising to return after some sleep. As soon as he left, Bella started shivering.

Carlisle placed a hand on her forehead.

"You have a fever, Bella," he murmured. _Low grade. About 100.5. _He glanced up at me with worried eyes. _Infection?_

Cold panic rose inside me. An infection? The thought was terrifying. Somewhere internal, where something had been damaged. Somewhere we couldn't reach. It would be a nightmare on top of everything else.

Bella became increasingly uncomfortable over the course of the morning. After we got her dressed in a warm sweatshirt and covered with a blanket, she became hot and sweaty. I sat with her to try to cool her off, but she started shivering again.

Her ribs were growing more bruised and sore. Every time she moved, you could see the pain behind her eyes. Her breaths were shallow. She could not fight the groans that escaped her lips when it moved inside her.

She was miserable, although she would never admit it.

As the long day spread out before us, we tried to keep Bella's mind off the pain. Emmett came down and chatted and teased her for a while. Alice put on a small fashion show of clothes she had purchased while we were away on the Island. I read to her aloud for a little while from "Pride and Prejudice".

Seth returned a few hours later, after sleeping as a wolf nearby. It wasn't nearly enough sleep, but we were so glad to see him no one said anything. He and Bella played some card games together, and then a couple of board games – Scrabble, and a Trivial Pursuit game someone had once given Carlisle as a Christmas present. She absolutely refused to play any games with me or my family – she claimed the only way she could ever win would be if we threw the game. Seth, however, had no reservations about beating her if he could.

Halfway through the second game of Scrabble, Bella shivered under my arm. I nodded at Seth, and then stood up carefully, as he moved into my place. Bella sighed contentedly, and then melted into his warmth.

As I went to sit in the chair by the couch, there was a loud crash from upstairs. Everyone's heads twisted in alarm, but I immediately knew what it was.

"It's OK," I said. "It's just Emmett and Jasper wrestling upstairs."

_Tattletale_, thought Emmett, who had Jasper in a head lock.

I heard a sharp intake of breath. Esme's face was frozen in horror.

"Wrestling?" she said, her voice higher than normal. "In the house?"

"Well, they're just a little stir-crazy, Esme," I said. There was another huge crash above us, and Emmett swore loudly. Esme leapt to her feet.

"Stir crazy!" she said, her voice now several octaves too high. She turned and raced up the stairs. Carlisle jogged up after her.

I could see that Jasper had Emmett in a three quarter nelson outside the bedroom. They broke apart quickly when they saw Esme, but the damage was done. Esme surveyed the wreckage. A table broken, a lamp smashed, and a hole the size of Emmett's large foot in the wall in the hallway.

"Clean up now, please!" trilled Esme.

They came downstairs a few minutes later with a jingling trash bag and an armful of wooden pieces.

"If you going to act like moronic children," snapped Rosalie sarcastically, "why don't you go outside and see who can run around the house 500 times the fastest."

"Great idea!" said Emmett. "I've got a lot of pent up energy to burn off these days, if you know what I mean." He raised his eyebrows at Rosalie, and she scowled. Emmett smiled widely and he and Jasper were out the door in a flash, depositing the trash and taking off around the house.

"Honestly," Alice groaned. She was sitting perched on the couch next to Seth, her face smooth and relaxed. We watched the race. Bella said it just looked like blur to her, but I could see that Jasper was easily winning. He kept teasing Emmett, pausing until Emmett almost caught him and then taking off again.

Then Jasper waited a second too long for Emmett. With a war cry, Emmett launched himself at Jasper. They slammed together and rolled into the grass.

Seth laughed loudly. "This isn't so different than hanging out with the wolf pack!"

"Don't even say that," Rosalie hissed. Seth rolled his eyes.

"I think it was a compliment, Rose," laughed Bella. She squirmed uncomfortably next to Seth.

"Are you hot, sweatheart?" I asked. She shrugged a little.

Carlisle came over and touched Bella's forehead. _Still low-grade._

"Your fever is still low, Bella," Carlisle said. "That is a good sign, I think. Whatever it is going on does not seem to be getting worse. Maybe you are just a little under the weather."

"I should go," murmured Seth, as I stood up to take his place at Bella's side. "Catch a little more sleep. Leah will wake me to take over at dusk."

"Oh no," cried Alice. The wolves presence was such a balm for the ache in her head. She grabbed Seth's leg with both hands. "Please don't go."

Seth looked down in surprise at her hands on his leg for a moment, and then glanced away, blushing slightly.

"Uhh," he said desperately.

"For god's sake, Alice," snapped Rosalie. "Let go of him."

Seth actually shot a grateful look at Rosalie. As Alice removed her hands he jumped up and headed towards the door.

"Thanks for everything, Seth," I said.

Carlisle appeared at the top of the stair. "Hold on, Seth," he said. He came down. "Let Jacob know that we are ready to go, as soon as he feels it's safe. Also, we are going to have to purchase some more blood for Bella. She is going through it very fast."

Seth blinked. "You can buy blood?" he asked.

"Yes, a physician can," said Carlisle.

Seth started to turn. "Seth," said Bella suddenly. "Please ask Jacob to stop by."

"Of course," smiled Seth, looking back.

Bella's eyes fell to the floor. "If he'll come," she mumbled.

"He'll come," Seth and I said in unison. I didn't think not coming was an option anymore for Jacob.

"And tell him to come as soon as possible, please," said Alice. She was stomping up the stairs with her arms crossed. "I'm sick of hanging out upstairs like a bat in the belfry."

"You mean a vampire bat," laughed Bella. But there was a worried crease between her eyes as she watched Alice go up the stairs.

Suddenly Bella gasped loudly, her hands gripping into fist, which she pressed to her face.

"Bella," I said, holding her shoulder.

"OK," she panted. "Just a little kick." I glanced at Carlisle in alarm. _I didn't hear anything break,_ he thought.

Bella took a deep breath, and laid back, relaxing slightly.

"Uh, okay, goodbye," said Seth quietly. He was very pale. He gave one long look at Bella and left.

Carlisle watched Seth leave, and then glanced at me.

_Have you talked to Bella yet?_

I shook my head slowly. He sighed, and patted my shoulder.

"Esme, sweetheart, let's go up stairs for a while," he said, taking Esme's hand. He looked squarely at Rosalie. "Why don't you come, too?"

"Uh, no thanks," said Rose, looking surprised and irritated. Bella watched Carlisle with careful eyes, and then glanced at me. Carlisle took a step towards Rosalie and wrapped his hand around her arm.

"Please, Rosalie," he said in a low voice. Rosalie looked down at his grip on her – it wasn't loosening. She growled a little and then shrugged. She pulled away and stalked upstairs, planning to wait just around the corner.

Bella pulled the blanket over herself, holding it against her chin. Her eyes were on me, quiet and intense. I knelt down next to her and reached under the blanket, taking one of her hands in mine.

"Bella," I said, not looking up at her. I rubbed her palm with my thumbs nervously, massaging up and down gently over her skin, and then leaned over and slowly kissed each of her fingers. "Carlisle…I want to talk to you about when…" I couldn't bring myself to talk about the "birth". "He wanted to make sure I was 100% prepared for you to be changed, and I just wanted to talk to you about it, one more time." I felt like I was floundering, like the topic was too huge, with so many things unsaid.

"You know I'm ready, Edward," she said softly.

"Are you?" I asked her desperately. She nodded but I shook my head. "This isn't just because you've been forced into the situation, into something you can't get out of?"

"No, of course not," said Bella.

"It's just…it's just that I want so badly to save you, to keep you human, so you could do the things you want. So you could go to Dartmouth, go to college, see your friends and family." My throat closed up for a moment, the words choked in my mouth. "But Carlisle," I whispered. "He doesn't think that can happen." Anguish tore through me, and I pressed my face into my other hand. "It's not going to happen," I said roughly. "I'm so sorry."

Bella finger's squeezed against my hand. "I don't care about those things right now – college, Dartmouth. I will have so many years to do something like that, eventually. Because you will save me, Edward. Not in the way you want, I know, but you will. You won't let me go." She gripped my hand hard, as if I could save her by the sheer force of her will, if we hung on hard enough.

"You said you wanted to stay human, longer," I whispered, looking up at her. "I so wanted to give you that. I never wanted your decision to be forced. And now I've ruined it for you. I've taken away everything."

Bella pressed a hand to my head, gently smoothing down my hair.

"You haven't ruined anything, Edward," she said. "I did think I wanted to stay human longer. But things change, sometimes. Life changes. The little bit of time I might lose, the few experiences I might have to delay, by changing to a vampire now, are well worth the pay-off."

"But that's just it. Change. What you consider life won't be anymore. You won't change anymore. Frozen." I pressed my hand to her cheek. "And children," I whispered. "If…you won't be able to…" I shut my eyes briefly against the pain.

For now Bella would truly know what I was taking from her, making her like me, never able to change, never able to have a child. She would finally realize what would be lost. I wasn't sure if she ever truly had before.

And Bella was perfect. The child she could have created would have been perfect. It was my role in all this that destroyed everything. Behind my eyelids, I saw it. A child with Bella's soft, mahogany hair. With her endless, deep brown eyes. All ripped away. That child would never be, even if Bella did survive the birth and transformation.

"I will have this child," she said fiercely. I opened my eyes. She pulled her hands out of mine and cradled her stomach. "And if my actions do nothing else but save him, then I am willing to…to do anything."

_To do anything._ To die. Willing to die. Her words were agony. They were omnipresent, everywhere. They were the words that had been the undercurrent of everything that had been said, every action made, everything that had happened since we stepped off the plane from Isle Esme. She was willing to die for it.

Suddenly, a small but terrible, selfish part of me wanted to reach for her, to press my face to her chest, and beg her as I had before. _Don't go, Bella. Don't leave me here. I'm lost, I'm a broken shell, a fathomless void of despair and sadness, without you._

_Careful, Edward._ Jasper, sensing my distress, had moved noiselessly to the top of the stairs, and sent a wave of calm into me. I let it soothe the raging emotions. She was already getting upset, and I couldn't hurt her more.

"I just wanted to be sure," I mumbled.

Bella took a deep breath, and then winced with pain. She exhaled slowly, her cheeks paling. She grabbed my hand and held it against her chest. "I want this. Like I wanted you when we first met. Like I wanted us to make love while I was human. I know you're scared, and I'm sorry." A small sob escaped her. "And you were scared all those other times, too. But I want this. I'm ready to be changed. For you, for him, for our family." She gestured towards the upstairs, and then rubbed her stomach lightly, still grasping my hand against her.

I lowered my head, and the last of my barriers crumbled away. The calm from Jasper was leaving me, but now, finally, I let resignation, and then acceptance wash through me. This was going to happen. She was not going to change her mind. There would be no early, proactive procedure to preserve her life, or humanity. As sure as the sun rising, this birth would happen, while we waited, in its own time. Bring what may, Bella's human life would be over. I yielded to the inevitability, and it sunk into me, like steel talons, its hold painful but permanent.

"Ok, Bella," I whispered, squeezing her hand. "I understand." We sat in silence for a few moments. I thought of something.

Bella," I said gently, "perhaps you should rethink your phone calls to Charlie."

"Oh no," she said. "He's too worried. He needs to hear from me. But I am thinking of telling him I am going to Europe, or something, for special treatment for the disease, to explain why I can't see him for so long."

"And after that?" I asked cautiously. I knew she had always harbored a hope that she could see Charlie again, and I was truly doubtful that could ever be a reality.

"Well, I've been thinking about when Jake told me, or really didn't tell me, about being a werewolf. Even though it was against the rules for him to let me know, I was able to guess. He gave me the info that he could, and I worked it out on my own." She sighed. "Obviously, I'll look different. So, when I come back to see him, I'll just let Charlie come to his own conclusions, which will probably be wrong, and he should be safe. And hopefully we will be able to keep seeing each other."

I looked at her carefully, trying to determine if this was actually something she thought possible. _But does it really matter?_ First she would have to make it to the transformation, and the chances of that… I looked down for a moment, gathering myself, and then leaned over and kissed Bella's forehead. She was too hot again.

"Ok, love" I murmured. "Why don't you try to get some sleep now?"

"No," she said. "I want to stay awake a little longer, to wait for Jake. I feel like I need to see him, before I sleep." She turned her head to look up at the ceiling. "I need to see his face."

A small piece of me twisted uncomfortably at these words. I tried to press the feeling away. And where was Jacob? I felt a rush of annoyance. Didn't he realize Bella was waiting?

Bella glanced at my face with worried eyes. "Do you really think he will come?"

"Of course, love," I said, kissing her cheek softly.

Time ticked by slowly. Bella became more exhausted but would not sleep. I knew she was waiting for Jacob. She ate a small amount of dinner, and drank several cups of blood. This caused her to have to go to the bathroom several times. I watched as Bella, grimacing, asked Rosalie to take her again. I knew her ribs and growing bruises made the movement excruciating. Rosalie picked her up gently, and I watched them disappear into the hall.

I could hear Jacob some ways out, heading towards the house. _Finally_, I thought.

He was wondering why he kept coming back. _What am I, stupid? Am I some kind of masochist?_

_No_, I thought. You're in love with her. And she wants to see you. And so there is no other place you would be.

Esme sat down next to me.

"I know it was hard for you to talk to Bella today, Edward, about changing her." Her voice was quiet, sympathetic. "But I am so glad that you did. I'm proud of you."

_Proud of me?_ I groaned incredulously and pressed my face into my hands. Proud that I had the courage to talk to my wife about ending her natural life, if the creature I spawned didn't kill her first?

"I'm nothing to be proud of, Esme," I said gruffly. She wrapped an arm around me.

"Yes, you are, Edward," she said, squeezing me tightly. "Yes, you are."

"Jacob is coming," I muttered.

"I know," she said quietly. We sat in silence, waiting for Jacob, Esme's arm still around me. I could hear Bella's breath coming short, her gasps of pain, as she tried to move around in the bathroom.

Jacob strode through the door without knocking. Immediately he froze, his mind and body tight with panic when he didn't see Bella on the couch. Afraid he was too late.

"She's all right," I said softly, not looking up. _No, that wasn't really true._ "Or, the same, I should say."

"Hello, Jacob," Esme said. "I'm so glad you came back." She squeezed my arm one more time, and then went upstairs to find Carlisle.

"Me, too," Alice said from the top of the stairs, the pain in her mind melting away as she drew closer to Jacob. _God, I love werewolves,_ she thought. Boy, Jasper would just love that sentiment.

"Uh, hey," said Jacob awkwardly. "Where's Bella?"

"Bathroom," said Alice briefly. "Mostly fluid diet, you know. Plus, the whole pregnancy thing does that to you, I hear." I clenched my teeth. What, had she been reading Rosalie's baby books now?

_Chill out, Edward_, Alice thought.

I could hear Bella and Rosalie coming out of the bathroom. _Ugh, something stinks,_ Rosalie thought. They came around the corner and saw Jacob. _Oh, and it's the worst one, too._

"Oh, wonderful," she said.

But Bella's eye widened and a flush crept up her face as her smile brightened with delight.

_She looks like a kid on Christmas morning,_ thought Jacob._ As if I am bringing her the greatest gift ever. It's so unfair._

Believe me, Jacob, I thought bitterly. Life isn't fair.

"Jacob," Bella sighed. "You came."

"Hi, Bells."

Rosalie laid Bella on the couch, moving as slow as she possibly could, trying to keep Bella's body as still as possible. Still, Bella paled visibly, and I waited, terrified her injuries might be aggravated. I reached over, brushing back her hair from her face, judging her temperature. She felt clammy, but her fever was still low.

"Are you cold?" I asked her softly.

"I'm fine," she answered briefly.

"Bella, you know what Carlisle told you," Rosalie said. "Don't downplay anything. It doesn't help us take care of either of you."

"Okay, I'm a little cold," sighed Bella. "Edward, can you hand me that blanket?"

Jacob let out a short laugh. "Isn't that sort of the point of me being here?"

Jacob sat down on the floor next to the couch, unsure of how to touch her without hurting her. I moved to the arm of the couch, watching her carefully, for any sign she was being jostled or uncomfortable. Bella's eyes were on Jacob, glowing.

Suddenly, Jacob's stomach groaned with hunger. _I should offer him some food_, I thought.

"Rosalie, why don't you get Jacob something from the kitchen?" said Alice. I craned my head around to the back of the couch to stare at her. Was she goading Rosalie? She winked at me. _Teach her some manners._

"Thanks anyway, Alice," said Jacob. "But I don't think I'd want to eat something Blondie's spit in. I'd bet my system wouldn't take too kindly to the venom."

"Rosalie would never embarrass Esme by displaying such a lack of hospitality," said Alice sweetly.

"Rosalie," Esme said in a quiet, warning tone from upstairs.

_Fine,_ thought Rosalie. _Fine. _"Of course not," she said in her nicest voice, getting up and moving towards the kitchen. _I'll give him a meal fit for the dog that he is._

I sighed, reading her plans.

"You'd tell me if she poisoned it, right?" Jacob asked.

"Yes," I said. That wasn't what she was planning. Esme had put a plate of food for Jacob in the refrigerator earlier after Seth had eaten – some steak and a baked potato. Rosalie threw this into the microwave, and then banged around in the cabinets, knowing what she was looking for. She pulled out a silver mixing bowl and, smiling, bent down the edges. A dog bowl. Then she paused for a moment.

_Rover?_ She mused. _Benji? No, I know…_ Using her perfectly manicured fingernail, she scraped the word _Fido_ into the bowl. She glanced down at her chipped nail polish. _Oh, damn, my nail, _she thought irritably. I felt a smile rise to my lips and I looked down. Serves her right.

She threw the steak and potato in the bowl, squished a pat of butter and a spoonful of sour cream on the potato, muttered "disgusting" under her breath, and then swept back into the room.

Jacob looked over the bowl, and then gave her a huge smile. "Thanks, Blondie."

She snorted. _You're not welcome._

"Hey," said Jacob suddenly. "Do you know what you call a blonde with a brain? A golden retriever." Jacob laughed, and I heard Emmett chuckle upstairs.

Rosalie heard it too, and her face darkened. _I'm going to kill them both._

"I've heard that one, too," she snapped.

"I'll keep trying," Jacob said, smiling. _I could tell him a few,_ thought Emmett, _if I didn't mind losing a few limbs. _

I watched Rosalie flip through the TV channels while Jacob ate and talked with Bella.

"So…um…what's the, er, date?" Jacob asked Bella in a false, bright voice. "You know, the due date for the little monster." She hit him on the head.

"I'm serious," Jacob said. "I want to know how long I'm gonna have to be here." _I want to know how long your going to be here_, he thought in despair.

I felt the tightening, the burning pain in my chest spread to my face, and I looked away, not wanting Bella to see.

"I don't know," Bella said quietly. "Not exactly. Obviously, we're not going with the nine-month model here, and we can't get an ultrasound, so Carlisle is guesstimating from how big I am. Normal people are supposed to be about forty centimeters here when the baby is fully grown." Bella touched a finger to the middle of her stomach. "One centimeter for every week. I was thirty this morning, and I've been gaining about two centimeters a day, sometimes more…"

_Her life is speeding by in fast-forward,_ Jacob thought miserably. He did the quick math and his face paled. _Four days._

"You Ok?" Bella asked Jacob. He didn't answer.

_My need for her is stronger than ever,_ thought Jacob_. Why? Because she is dying? Or because I know if she doesn't, she'll be changing into something else I won't know or understand?_

I realized that Jacob's eyes had tears in them. My hand automatically reached up to touch my eye briefly. I strained to remember what it felt like, the feel of tears in my eyes. What it might be like, to cry for the loss of the one I loved.

Bella reached up, smoothing the wetness of Jacob's cheek. "It's going to be okay," she said, in a soothing, almost sing song voice.

"Right," Jacob said.

"I didn't think you would come. Seth said you would, and so did Edward, but I didn't believe them."

"Why not?" asked Jacob, his voice rough.

"You're not happy here. But you came anyway."

"You wanted me here."

"I know. But you didn't have to come, because it's not fair for me to want you here. I would have understood." I stared silently at the TV. Perhaps she did not see that he had no choice but to come.

"Thank you for coming," Bella said in a soft voice to Jacob.

"Can I ask you something?" Jacob responded. I watched the question form in his head, the question that had been eating at him since he crossed our threshold. "Why do _you_ want me here? Seth could keep you warm, and he's probably easier to be around, happy little punk. But when _I_ walk in the door, you smile like I'm your favorite person in the world."

"You're one of them," Bella said quickly.

"That sucks, you know," Jacob muttered.

"Yeah," Bella murmured. "Sorry."

"Why, though? You didn't answer that?"

I waited, trying to keep my emotions off my face. But a small part of me was glad he asked, for I could not. And there was no doubt that I shared Jacob's confusion that the bond between them, the pull to see and be with each other, was perhaps stronger now than it had ever been. At a time when I thought there would now be some distance between them, she was driven to be close to him.

I tried not to let it effect me, but it was hard. And I knew, of course, that much of the bond that existed was my fault. Although I think there had always, perhaps, been a connection between them, even from when Bella first came to Forks, there was no doubt that my treacherous attempt to save Bella, by leaving her, had nurtured that connection, allowed the bond to strengthen and grow, until it could not be broken. And it existed still – alive, growing, and ever changing.

"It feels…_complete _when you're here, Jacob," Bella said slowly. "Like all my family is together. I mean, I guess that's what it's like – I've never had a big family before now. It's nice, but it's just not whole unless you're here."

"I'll never be a part of your family, Bella," Jacob said, his voice hard. _Although I could have been,_ he thought bitterly. _But that future died before it had a chance to live._

"You'll always be a part of my family," Bella said swiftly.

"That's a crap answer," snapped Jacob.

"What's a good one?"

"How about, 'Jacob, I get a kick out of your pain." Bella flinched, and I felt a low growl start rising. I'd tolerate his attitude as much as possible, because I understood the emotions behind it, but I would not let him hurt her. Not now.

_It's all right, Edward,_ thought Alice.

"You'd like that better?" Bella said softly.

"It's easier, at least. I could wrap my head around it. I could deal with it."

Bella was starting to drift off. Her eyes closed. "We got off track, Jake. Out of balance. You're supposed to be a part of my life – I can feel that, and so can you." Bella took a couple of shallow breaths – she was avoiding expanding her lungs too much. Her ribs must be aching.

"But not like this," she sighed. "We did something wrong. No. I did. I did something wrong, and we got off track…" Her voice faded, and her breaths became more regular, her heartbeat slowing.

"She's exhausted," I said quietly. "It's been a long day. A hard day. I think she would have gone to sleep earlier, but she was waiting for you."

"Seth said it broke another of her ribs," Jacob said in a low voice, not looking at me.

"Yes, it is making it harder for her to breathe."

"Great," muttered Jacob.

I grabbed a blanket off the chair and covered Bella's bare arm, which still looked chilled. It seemed that Seth had told Jacob about Bella's continued phone calls with Charlie, and he was furious.

"Yes," I said. "It's not a good idea."

"Then why?" asked Jacob.

"She can't bear his anxiety."

"So it's better…"

"No," I snapped. "It's _not_ better. But I'm not going to force her to do anything that makes her unhappy now. Whatever happens, this makes her feel better. I'll deal with the rest…afterward." The last word burned as it left my throat.

_It isn't like Bella to shuffle off Charlie's pain for someone else to deal with later,_ thought Jacob. _Even if she is dying._

"She's very sure she's going to live," I said quietly.

"But not human," Jacob said. The steel talons tightened suddenly.

"No, not human. But she hopes to see Charlie again, anyway."

_Oh, this just gets better and better. _Jacob looked up and met my gaze, his eyes wide and angry. "See. Charlie. Afterwards," he said, his voice incredulous. "See Charlie when she's all sparkly white with the bright red eyes. I'm not a bloodsucker, so maybe I'm missing something, but _Charlie_ seems like kind of a strange choice for her first meal."

I sighed. Jacob knew damn well we would never let Bella hurt Charlie. I explained to him Bella's plans regarding Charlie.

"Insane," Jacob snapped.

"Yes," I murmured.

_It's weak of him to let her get her way on this,_ Jacob thought.

I shuddered. _Yes, I was weak._

_He probably isn't expecting her to live to try out this crazy plan. Letting her be happy a little while longer…_

_God help me, but he's right_. I knew I was going to lose her.

"I'll deal with whatever comes," I said softly. "I won't cause her pain, now."

"Four days?" Jacob asked.

"Approximately."

"Then what?" asked Jacob.

And then the world ends. What else could there be?

"What do you mean, exactly?" I asked aloud.

_How does it get out?_

"From what little research we've been able to do, it would appear the creatures use their own teeth to escape the womb," I whispered.

"Research?" I told him that Jasper, Emmett and Carlisle had been searching for information on the computer. And the warnings I had heard on the island.

"What were the warnings?"

"That the creature must be killed immediately. Before it could gain too much strength."

_Just like Sam thought._ _Was he right?_ I bristled with this. I was not supporting or agreeing with anything Sam had planned.

"Of course, their legends say the same of us," I muttered. "That we must be destroyed. That we are soulless murderers."

_Two for two,_ thought Jacob. I laughed a quick, hard laugh. Maybe so.

"What did their stories say about…?" Jacob paused and swallowed hard, "…the mothers?"

I heard the words of the woman on the island again. Dead. Morte. And the stories Jasper and Emmett had found. The ones they couldn't even bring themselves to tell me in words, leaving me to pick them from their troubled thoughts, until I stopped looking. Stories of discarded female corpses found in woods and fields. Mutilated, torn. Vague legends of villages plagued by a demon in their women. The children of the village would be hidden while a woman gave birth, tribal elders standing by to the kill the thing that ripped its way out, while the healers chanted over the woman as she bled out. A terrifying, agonizing death...

Suddenly Rosalie snorted derisively. "Of course there were no survivors," she snapped. "Giving birth in the middle of a disease-infested swamp with a medicine man smearing sloth spit across your face to drive out the evil spirits was never the safest method. Even the normal births went badly half the time. None of them had what this baby has – caregivers with an idea of what the baby needs, who try to meet those needs. A doctor with a totally unique knowledge of vampire nature. A plan in place to deliver the baby as safely as possible. Venom that will repair anything that goes wrong. The baby will be fine." She paused. "And those other mothers would probably have survived if they'd had that-if they even existed in the first place. Something I am not convinced of." She turned away.

I stared at her in fury. Jacob hadn't asked if the creature would survive. He had asked about Bella. But Bella's survival was a damn afterthought to her. I began to lose focus, my muscles tightening automatically.

_Allow me_, Jacob thought, looking at me. I started, and gave him a questioning look. Emmett would obliterate him if he attacked Rosalie. Then I saw his plan. He lifted up the dog bowl and flung it at Rosalie's head. It smashed flat against her skull and then flew into the banister, knocking of the top piece.

_Oh, my_, thought Esme from the next room.

_What the…_Emmett was lurching out the door of the office. Jasper caught his arm and swung him around as Carlisle jumped up and put a hand on his shoulder.

"She's fine," muttered Jasper, sensing irritation but no pain from Rosalie.

"Dumb blonde," said Jacob.

_That little piece of…_Rosalie swung her head around to look at Jacob. "You. Got. Food. In. My. Hair."

Jacob lost it. He rolled away from the couch onto the floor and burst out laughing. Upstairs, Emmett relaxed slightly, as Carlisle smiled and Jasper bent over, clutching his sides with laughter. Alice giggled behind the couch.

I started to smile, but then caught the direction of Rosalie's thoughts. She wasn't going to let this one lay. _So much for Emmett defending me against the dog, I'll have to do it myself._ She betrayed nothing with her position as her muscles tensed. She was going to take him unaware. Maybe kick him across the room.

I shifted slightly in anticipation of blocking her, when suddenly Bella moved and her eyes opened. Jacob's hysterics had woken her up, thankfully. _Damn it,_ thought Rosalie. She wouldn't touch Jacob in view of Bella.

Bella wanted to know what was so funny.

"I got food in her hair," laughed Jacob.

"I'm not going to forget this, dog," hissed Rosalie. She meant it. I would have to watch her carefully when Jacob was here.

"S'not so hard to erase a blonde's memory," Jacob said, his voice still choked with laughter. "Just blow in her ear."

"Get some new jokes," she spit out.

"C'mon, Jake," said Bella. "Leave Rose alone…" Bella gasped and her body tightened. I pulled off the blanket, watching and listening intently for signs of damage. Suddenly her body spasmed, arching off the couch. I put my hands on her face, steadying her, waiting of the cry of pain, the crack of bone.

"He's just stretching" she gasped, her breath short and fast. Her face was too strained.

"Carlisle," I said in a low voice.

Carlisle was already down the stairs. "Right here," he said, moving swiftly next to the couch.

Bella clutched at her ribs, trying to keep her breaths shallow. "Okay, I think it's over." Her face relaxed slightly. "Poor kid doesn't have enough room, that's all. He's getting so big."

I sighed and looked away. When Bella fell asleep, I had a half-hearted conversation with Carlisle about genetics, and the possible similarities between Jacob's genetic make up, and what Bella was carrying. I knew Carlisle was just trying to soothe me, to find some kind of scientific explanation, some genetic reason for what was happening. Something other than gruesome, cursed tales and legends.

Eventually, Jacob, who had been silent, said that Bella was getting hot. I took his place on the floor. Carlisle went back upstairs to relieve Jasper and Emmett at the computer, and Esme went with him. Alice lay behind the couch on her back, staring at the ceiling. It was very, very quiet for a long time except for Bella's shallow breaths and Jacob's deep ones, the sounds of their two very different hearts beating, and the gentle clicking of computer keys upstairs.

I felt a shiver go through Bella, and I got up, nodding at Jacob. He sat down beside her, placing one long arm against her body, and, lifting the other, began to slowly, gently, stroke her cheek.

The touch was tender, a loving caress. I swallowed hard, trying to push back my feelings, ignore the small burn inside. I needed to let him have these moments with Bella. His time was limited with her, as well.

Bella shifted a little, and I realized how late it was. I wondered if maybe we should bring her up to the bed. My mind formed the vision of Jacob lying in the bed, in _our_ bed, with his arms around Bella's body, and I was clutched with another spasm of jealousy.

_Stop it,_ I thought. _Stop being petty. _But of course I hated the idea. I was Bella's husband. What man would want to his wife in bed wrapped in the arms of another, whatever the reason?

_But if you really were a man,_ I thought grimly, _you could warm her yourself._

The wind whistled through the trees outside as we sat in silence. I realized that these thoughts, these feelings, ghosted with the memory of another night. Another time and place.

"Remember the night we spent in the tent?" I asked quietly.

Jacob froze. He took his hand slowly from Bella's face and looked at me. His face reddened slightly, and I could see immediately from his thoughts that he did think of that night. Often. Too often.

"Yes," he said gruffly. _What of it, bloodsucker,_ he thought defensively.

"Tonight just reminds me of that night," I said. The three of us, together. The wind blowing outside. "You keeping Bella warm, when I cannot."

I looked at Bella, sleeping next to Jacob, remembering the terrible helplessness I had felt to protect Bella from the cold night. The bitter resentment of Jacob providing the warmth I could not, and the blinding, furious jealousy when he climbed into the sleeping bag, and pressed his body against hers. And then the curious release of the words shared between Jacob and I, in the dead of the night.

"I wonder what Bella thought of our conversation that night," I mused. "We never talked about it."

Jacob looked down at Bella, and touched her hair gently. "She was sleeping," he said softly.

"I don't think so," I murmured. "Not entirely." I had lain next to Bella as she slept, or didn't sleep, for thousands of hours. Small shifts in position, slight changes in her breath – all betrayed a small amount of consciousness, however unrealized.

Jacob shrugged, his eyes far away now. His mind wandered to all that had happened in the hours and days after that night. To the feel of his heart breaking. I pressed my fingers to my eyes for a moment, trying to block out my own memories of the terrible night I had watched Bella pour out her heartbreak, for him. I wondered if it would hurt him more, or reassure him somehow, that she had suffered so greatly in leaving him.

"Well," said Jacob in a strained voice. "It's different this time, because now she needs you, too." He paused, and thought about his words for a moment. "I mean, to cool her down when she gets too warm."

I raised my head, and stared silently at him for a moment.

"Right," he said, his voice hollow. "She always needed you."

I sighed. I didn't want to hurt Jacob. "Go to sleep, Jacob," I said softly. I could tell how tired he was. He nodded and shifted his position carefully, settling his head against the couch.

He closed his eyes, but did not sleep. I shut my mind to him, and left him alone with his anger and despair, with his regrets. I was haunted by my own.

Alice and Jasper had stepped outside for a moment, standing on the back step, leaving the door open behind them. He had his arm around her, and Alice's head rested on his chest. Beyond them was the forest, trees drifting gently in the breeze, and above that the lavender night sky, the moon, and the shining points of the stars.

But I couldn't see any of it. All I could see was the darkness that lay ahead.

In the middle of the night, Bella shifted uncomfortably, and rolled her head to the side. Her cheek that had been pressed against Jacob was bathed in sweat. I got up and went over close to Jacob.

"Jacob," I whispered, touching his shoulder lightly. He started, his eyes flying open.

"What is it?" he gasped, glancing wildly at Bella.

"She's getting hot," I said quietly. He relaxed and nodded, moving gently away from Bella. She winced in her sleep, but didn't wake. He planned to run a wide sweep to check if my family could safely go out.

"Thank you," I whispered. "If the route is clear, they'll go today."

"I'll let you know."

Jacob left, and I sat down on the floor next to Bella, and eventually, lay my hand on her cheek where Jacob's had been. Her skin was so soft, so fragile under my own, and yet, despite everything, still so alive. I understood why Jacob had wanted to touch her.

Dawn was beginning to break, when Bella was wrenched out of sleep. Her body convulsed in a spasm as she shrieked. She sat up before I could stop her, her eyes wild, and then fell back with a groan, clutching near her hip.

Carlisle was already leaning over her. "I heard something," I said anxiously. "Something break."

_Pelvis?_ My stomach turned.

"No, Edward," said Rosalie. "It was different. Just joints cracking. No break." She turned and put a hand on Bella's forehead. "You must be stiff from lying all night on this couch."

_Oh, right, that's the problem – she's just stiff._ I bit back the sarcastic words.

"Just in case, Rosalie," said Carlisle. "If Edward thinks he heard something."

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Fine, prove me right."

Bella had her eyes closed, and she looked pale and weak. She had deteriorated in just a few hours of sleep, when she wasn't drinking blood. The thing's appetite was relentless.

Carlisle got Bella a cup of blood and we carried her upstairs to the office. As Carlisle took the x-ray, I heard Jacob traveling towards the house. He and Leah had run far into the mountains, and the way seemed safe for my family.

They would hunt today.

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_I will be away next week on vacation, so there might be a delay in the next chapter. I appreciate your reviews!_


	15. Consciousness

_Thanks for waiting for this chapter. I'm sorry I didn't get to respond to reviews from the last chapter - I of course read them all, and it's hard to describe how much they mean to me!_

_Thank you to lada_8 for all of her help!_

_Songs for this chapter:_

_Edward: _With Arms Wide Open_ by Creed_

_Jacob: _Shattered (Turn the Car Around) _by O.A.R. (couldn't resist this song is just too perfect for this scene)_

_Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight._

_

* * *

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Someone was sad.

No, not sad, more like regretful. The thought was incomplete, unfamiliar. I glanced up, looking around the office, but it didn't seem to come from anyone in the room, even though it had felt close. Concerned, I spread my mind out. Was someone approaching the house? I cast around anxiously, only hearing Jacob approaching, in human form now.

_What is it, Edward?_ Jasper had been waiting down the hall for Alice, and he sensed my heightened anxiety. His face appeared in the door. I shook my head slightly, and he quickly backed away and disappeared.

"Just one more minute, Bella," said Carlisle. Bella nodded, her face still very pale. I squeezed her hand gently.

"Alice," I murmured. "Jacob is nearly here – could you meet him." I didn't want Jacob to worry when he arrived and didn't see us. Plus, I figured Alice would enjoy the excuse to see him. She nodded and disappeared out the door.

Carlisle glanced at me. _Does he think it is safe to go out?_

I gave a short nod. _Thank goodness,_ Carlisle thought. _We will run out of blood for Bella in several hours, and your brothers…_ A flash of concern passed over Carlisle's face. Emmett and Jasper had been in the bedroom the last several hours, only making rare appearances. They were too thirsty to be safe around Bella anymore. Esme was keeping her distance as well. Carlisle turned back to the x-ray.

"I don't see any sign of a break, Bella," Carlisle said, holding the film up for me to inspect.

Rosalie let out a big gush of air. "See, I _told_ you I didn't hear a crack. You need your ears checked, Edward." _Typical over-reaction._

My teeth pressed together very hard, but I didn't look at her. I just lifted up Bella's hand and kissed the back.

"I'm sorry I made you come up here for nothing," I whispered. "Would you like to lay down in the bed now? Or even stay here, on the hospital bed, and sleep a little"

"No," she said. "I heard you say Jake is here – I want to see him."

I suppressed a sigh. "Love, I could have him come upstairs to see you."

"No, I want to go down," said Bella. "It's not like I'm sick or anything."

I turned my face to hide my expression at this ridiculous understatement. Carlisle handed Bella her cup of blood, and I picked her up, moving as slowly as possible. Her face whitened, and her lips grew tight.

"Are you OK?" I asked anxiously at the doorway. Carlisle met my eyes – her injuries, and subsequent pain, were growing more intense, and I could see the concern in his mind. The pelvis hadn't been fractured this time, but that was coming.

"Fine," Bella said, her voice strained. "Just keep going."

We slowly descended, Rosalie at my shoulder. Bella saw Jacob by the front door.

"Jake," she sighed, her pained grimace breaking into a smile. I felt a grudging surge of gladness. I was happy he was here, if he could make her smile like that. I didn't seem capable of doing it any more, bringing forth the smile I thought would blind me the rest of our days.

Jacob's face, however, remained still and white, as he took in the pain evident in her expression. I moved slowly over to the couch, lowering her gently, and then knelt down by her head.

"Carlisle," said Jacob. "We went halfway to Seattle. There's no sign of the pack. You're good to go."

"Thank you, Jacob," said Carlisle quickly. "This is good timing. There's much that we need." He glanced at Bella, wondering where to try first for the blood she needed. He did a mental calculation of how much she would drink over the next 3 to 4 days. _I'm concerned I won't be able to buy enough in one stop_, he thought.

"Honestly," said Jacob. "I think you're safe to take more than three. I'm pretty positive that Sam is concentrating on La Push."

Carlisle mused for a moment. _I trust his judgment on this. He knows Sam and his ways far better than we do._ He glanced around the room, his eyes flickering upstairs. _Best still if Alice goes on both trips. Esme and I will go out with her, and Jasper, and then she can take Emmett and Rosalie._

I didn't meet his eyes. I knew that Rosalie had no intention of leaving Bella – she had been thinking about it since we discussed the hunting trip. She had kept quiet, not mentioning it to Emmett, knowing he would be upset to leave her here.

"If you think so," Carlisle said aloud. "Alice, Esme, Jasper and I will go. Then Alice can take Emmett and Rosalie…"

"Not a chance," Rosalie snarled. "Emmett can go with you now."

"God dammit, Rose," Emmett hissed under his breath upstairs. A long line of expletives went through his brain. He was furious to leave her behind, alone with me and the wolves. And yet knew he had to hunt.

"You should hunt," said Carlisle quietly. _Both of you. _ His eyes flickered to me and I looked down. _There may be a lot of blood involved in this procedure._ I closed my eyes for a second, trying to suppress the vision.

"I'll hunt when _he_ does," Rosalie snapped, gesturing her head at me. I didn't look at her. She wouldn't go even if I did, which she knew would never happen. She could no more be torn from Bella's side right now than I could. Or, more precisely, she could not be torn from what was inside Bella.

Carlisle sighed. _Best we all go at once, then, and get it over with._ "Let's go," he said quietly.

Emmett and Jasper came downstairs, Emmett brushing Rosalie's cheek lightly as he passed. Their eyes locked for a long second when he got to the door. Then he looked at me.

_So help me god, Edward, if you lay a finger on her, if anything, anything, happens to her…_

I gave him a curt nod. I would not hurt her. And if Jacob attacked her – well, it would be her own damn fault, but I'd try to keep them from killing each other.

Alice went over to Jasper, taking his hand firmly in hers, and Esme came in from the kitchen, laying a hand softly on Emmett. Their eyes glittered coal black, a burning intensity lighting them from inside. The very thought of hunting was creating a thirsty, somewhat incoherent edge to their thoughts.

"Go," I hissed. Carlisle looked at me and nodded. _We'll be back as quickly as we can. Call me if anything comes up._

He placed a hand on Jacob's arm and said "thank you." They moved out the door and across the lawn. Jasper paused for a fraction of a second to look back at me.

_If they attack, call us and then stay in the house. Protect Bella. We will come to finish them off. _Then his thoughts began to fracture, and he disappeared over the river.

As I watched them go, I had a sudden fearful hope that no human would mistakenly cross their path. As if in answer, Alice threw me a vision of all five feeding on a herd of deer many miles out.

I looked back into the room. Jacob was watching my family leave, uncertain whether to stay or go.

_Time to get lost, dog,_ Rosalie thought. She was eyeing Jacob with irritation.

Jacob sensed her disapproval. _The chance to ruin Rosalie's morning is just too good to give up,_ he thought, moving over the chair next to Rosalie. He sat down, lying out in the chair so that his foot dangled over the arm near Rosalie's face.

_That smell is completely vile_, Rosalie fumed. "Ew. Someone put the dog out."

"Have you heard this one, Psycho?" Jacob asked. "How do a blonde's brain cells die?"

_I can tell you how obnoxious mutts should die,_ thought Rosalie, savoring a quick vision of tearing Jacob's foot off his body. But she didn't know the joke.

"Well?" Jacob laughed. "Do you know the punch line or not?"

Anxiety was seeping into Bella's eyes. She didn't like the tension between Jacob and Rose. And myself as well. I felt something cold claw at me, the acknowledgement of the tension that existed even between Bella and me, the wall of fear and dissonance that still closed us off from each other. We had reached such unparalleled openness on the island, finally, just to be so suddenly lost.

"Has she heard it?" Jacob pressed me.

"No," I said quietly. Was this how I wanted to spend what could be my last few days with Bella? Being cut off from each other by a situation neither of us could see around. Was there something large, something elemental, I was missing in all this?

"Awesome." Jacob was pleased with himself. "So you'll enjoy this, bloodsucker – a blonde's brain cells die alone."

"I have killed a hundred times more often than you have, you disgusting beast," Rose snarled. "Don't forget that."

_Oh, yeah?_ "Someday, Beauty Queen, you're going to get tired of just threatening me. I'm really looking forward to that."

Bella's face tightened. "Enough, Jacob," she said firmly.

Jacob's face fell slightly. "Do you want me to take off?" he asked. _Yippee_, Rosalie thought. _Maybe she finally sees him for the annoying cad he is. _Maybe it would be better that way, right now, if he wasn't making her smile. Suddenly I wanted her to myself.

Horror flashed across Bella's face. "No, of course not!" she said quickly. I glanced away, letting my breath out.

_He wishes she would get over me, too, _Jacob thought, sighing. But that wasn't it, exactly. I was being selfish, though. I didn't want to share her. I…

Suddenly, I caught the edge of someone's thoughts. _Thirsty. _No, not thirsty exactly – hungry? It was too vague. I glanced up, annoyed. If Rosalie was battling her thirst after refusing to go hunting…but it wasn't Rose. She was hating Jacob, and worrying about Emmett. Jacob was moving his foot even closer, hoping it was annoying her. It was.

Then, Bella picked up her cup. She took a long draw on the straw, her expression blank, emptying the contents. Air pulled through the straw, and she glanced down, her face wrinkling in concern.

"Rose, do you mind getting me some more, please," Bella asked, holding out the cup. Rosalie smiled, taking the cup, and breezed out to the kitchen.

For a long moment I couldn't move, caught in utter stillness. If I had a heart, it would have stopped beating. A strange realization was creeping in on the edges of my mind. It had been Bella who was thirsty. Bella had been thinking about being thirsty.

_Edward._

I jerked my head. Bella's voice, definitely. Speaking my name.

"Did you say something?" I asked automatically, staring at her. But no, that wasn't right. The voice was off somehow, too loud. And the word hadn't been said aloud, it had been thought. More precisely, it was a memory of the word being said.

"Me?" Bella asked, confused. "I didn't say anything." And as I concentrated on her, the words echoed back in the mind, too loud, but still Bella.

Excitement thrilled through me now, hot and fast. I felt my entire being begin to hum suddenly with barely contained energy. I was grasped by tentative realization of the impossible. The unimaginable. The long desired.

I was hearing Bella's thoughts.

In fact, maybe I had been hearing them all day. They were vague, imprecise, and difficult to read. But of course they would be. She was just like her father.

I fell to my knees, exhilarated. Why I had been blessed with this gift, this miracle now, I couldn't imagine. But I would take it, and thank God or angels or whoever had bestowed it on me. I focused all my energy on her, trying to bore through, greedy to hear more.

"What are you thinking about right now?" I asked, breathless, afraid to break the spell.

_Edward, Edward, Edward. _And suddenly, I saw. It was dark, muted light filtering in slightly. Stars and shadows swirled and turned before my eyes. There was the impression of being constrained, unable to move.

"Nothing. What's going on?" said Bella, staring at me. The words boomed back at me, too loud again.

"What were you thinking about a minute ago?" I pressed. I needed to know, to confirm. I waited for the answer to my question to form in her mind.

But just vagueness. Wanting to move. Wanting to stretch. Warmth and contentment battling with discomfort. The strange shadows disappeared for a moment, seeing only darkness – eyes closed? And then reappeared. Bella's eyes remained opened wide.

"Just…Esme's island. And feathers," Bella said softly, blushing, heating the space between us with her scent.

_Esme's island. Esme's island. _The words were remembered again and again. The mind embraced them, caressed them. But not the words, exactly. There seemed to be no true comprehension. It was the sound. The sound of Bella's voice, that cradled the mind, enthralled it.

And suddenly, I stood on the razor edge of a precipice, looking down, not sure, yet, what was below me.

"Say something else," I said softly. I wasn't sure who I was talking to anymore.

"Like what? Edward, what's going on?"

_Edward, what's going on?_ And…oh… the burst of joy, at the sound. For this sound, Bella's voice, was the mind's whole world, the cornerstone of its existence. Joy and happiness and contentment. Shadows moved, diffused, as the stars continued to sparkle in the dark lavender surrounding.

I stared at Bella, unseeing now, bathed in shock. I was not hearing Bella's thoughts. But the other option? _Impossible._ Except that there was no other possibility. But what I was hearing did not fit into my expectations, what I thought I knew to be true. What had to be true to feed the hate and the fear. Because what came to me from this mind was gentle, peaceful, and pure.

I placed my hands on her stomach, drawn by something deep inside me. I needed, wanted to hear more, to understand. Bella's voice was remembered again and again, and radiant happiness flowed through the mind into mine.

"The f-" I paused, realizing even as I spoke something crucial was altering. Suddenly, I could not use that word, and the cold anger it represented. "It…" The word stuck in my throat. Tentatively, not really sure yet what I was saying, what I was acknowledging, I chose the term that had fallen from Bella and Rosalie's lips so many times before, but never from mine.

"The _baby_ likes the sound of your voice," I whispered in a rough voice, my hands feeling the gentle, minute movements under Bella's skin, as the universe swirled. Everyone was silent for a moment.

"Holy crow, you can hear him!" Bella yelled.

Too loud. _Panic_. An unstoppable movement of surprise, pressure… Bella gasped in pain. Following the thoughts, the sensation, I moved my hand towards the movement, caressing Bella gently.

"Shh," I said softly. "You startled it…him." And there was the sadness, the regret, I had felt earlier. It…he _understood_ he had hurt her. He was trying not to move that way again. He did not want to hurt her.

"Sorry, baby," Bella said softly, her hand gently touching her stomach.

_Baby, baby, baby. _Bella's voice echoed on and on as thoughts soared with happiness, pulling me with them, up and up. And the delighted knowledge, the unbelievable comprehension that Bella was talking to him.

"What's he thinking now?" Bella asked urgently.

"It…he or she," I paused. Could I tell that the mind was male, or was it just Bella's surety that influenced my thoughts? I looked up into her eyes. They were cresting with unmistakable emotion, glowing with adoration and happiness. I felt some sort of guard, some barrier, beginning to slip, move away. The fact of what I saw in this mind was so incredible, so unexpected, but so simple.

"He's happy," I said, my voice sounding so unlike my own, curving with wonder I didn't know existed. Diamond tears formed in Bella's eyes, gliding down her cheeks, each shimmering with their own individual prism of light and color. _Happy._ What was inside Bella was not bloodthirsty, or violent, or hateful, but happy.

My mind was stunned, struggling to process what was truly occurring. I was hearing the thoughts of what Bella was carrying. They were not the twisted, mindless thoughts of a monster, a killer. This was a mind filled with gentle kindness, who sought warmth and happiness. A mind that did not want to cause pain, to hurt. Not the mind of a monster, but that of a…a child. Our child.

I pressed a hand against my chest, where something was starting to burn, to glow.

"Of course you're happy, pretty baby, of course you are," Bella said in a soft, gentle voice, her hands moving in slow circles around her stomach. The child reveled in her attentions. "How could you not be, all safe and warm and loved? I love you so much, little EJ, of course you're happy."

_Did she say Ejay?_ Her words pulled me away from the mind for a moment. "What did you call him?" I asked in confusion.

Bella's skin went scarlet. "I sort of named him. I didn't think you would want…well you know."

A dark shadow began to move in, as everything I hadn't wanted tried to weed its way into my thoughts. I pushed it away for now.

"EJ?" I repeated, realizing it was initials, not one word. The E must be for…

"Your father's name was Edward, too." My mind tried to wrap itself around the scope of this concept, my father's name, my name, and now…but what was the J for?

"Yes, it was," I murmured. "What—"

_Happy, happy, happy._ I stopped in surprise. It was my voice remembered this time, quiet and muted. And relished, and adored, just like Bella's. An indescribable feeling of pleasure filled me.

"He likes my voice, too," I said in amazement.

"Of course he does," said Bella, her voice filled with delight. "You have the most beautiful voice in the universe. Who wouldn't love it?"

The child moved slightly toward the sound of her voice, and Bella unconsciously placed a hand on her stomach.

From far away, while I floated in a dark, liquid world, Rosalie asked Bella about girl names. "I kicked a few things around. Playing with Renee and Esme. I was thinking…Ruh-nez-may."

"Ruhnezmay?" asked Rosalie.

"R-e-n-e-s-m-e-e. Too weird?"

"No, I like it," Rosalie said.

Bella's hand rested on her body between mine. The child could almost sense her, craning his body slightly toward the place where her hand touched. Her words swirled around in his head as he blinked inside the warm darkness that encased him. A feeling of utter devotion flowed forth from his mind, almost worship, of her presence, her voice, the feel of being held, swaddled in her body. His whole universe was here, with her and the simple things about her were everything to him. There was no existence beyond her, or without her.

And in a moment of pure crystal clarity, I understood. I realized, amazingly, that my feelings and his were one and the same, and that, in this world, we existed together in the warm, radiant beam of a single, shared love. I pressed myself to Bella's body, trying to draw us closer.

"He_ loves_ you," I said softly, feeling the absolute truth of the words flow through me, and spread out to fill the space surrounding us with wonder. "He absolutely adores you."

And suddenly, the small, burning glow in my chest exploded within me, and I shattered, breaking into a million pieces, disintegrating as the universe rearranged itself. I would never be the same, but the pieces of me were not lost. They came back together swiftly, changing me, rebuilding around this new part in my life I hadn't known was missing. That I now knew I had never been complete without. Every cell of my being was connected to Bella, as it has always been, but now this new mind, this _consciousness_, wrapped itself around Bella and I, bringing us even closer, binding us all together in a new and astonishing way.

We were one now, the three of us. Our lives would be forever entwined. I gave myself over to the miracle, and was consumed by a fierce love and tenderness for both of them.

And then, barely distinguishable from the thundering of Bella's blood, it emerged, strong and alive - the quick flutter of a separate heart.

There was movement next to me. Something was trying to intrude on my mind, on this moment. The thoughts battered against me until I could no longer keep them out.

_Jacob_. Suffering, hate, pain. And, worst of all, betrayal. Fierce, bone-deep betrayal. He'd trusted me, counted on me to hate what was inside Bella. Counted on me to suffer with him. My head whipped towards his broken face, and I felt his agony bubble up inside me, choking out through my throat.

_I'm all alone now with my hatred and pain,_ he thought. _Pain so bad I'd take death with a smile just to get away from it._

I had mindlessly forgotten Jacob, as he stood there, outside, alone. The world had shifted in a few precious seconds, and were did he fit into it now? He didn't. Because nothing had changed for him. It was still all death, and pain, and love lost.

_Escape. _The only defense that dragged its way up from the pain. _Escape._ AndI could give him that, if I could give him nothing else. For words and explanations could not save him, not right now. And he didn't need to see this. He shouldn't have to.

I jumped up and went over to the drawer, grabbing the keys to a car - the Aston Martin. I threw them carefully to Jacob.

"Go, Jacob," I breathed. "Get away from here." _I'm sorry. Save yourself. Don't let our happiness push you down into the pit of hate boiling inside you. You are so much more than that. Escape._

His eyes met mine in a moment of shared understanding, and then he turned and left without a word. As I watched his back go through the door, the phone in my pocket buzzed. I didn't answer.

"Where's he going?" whispered Bella. I turned back, and her eyes were troubled. I knelt back quickly beside her.

"Shh," I murmured, pressing a hand to her cheek. "He just needs to get out, get some air. Let him go, Bella." _Let him go_. I put my other hand on her stomach, caressing gently, and her gaze softened as she looked down. Her happiness was too overwhelming to keep at bay right now.

"Do you think he will come back?" she asked softly.

Jacob was heading to the garage, contemplating destroying my car instead of returning it. There was nothing for him here. Nothing but pain and heartbreak.

And Bella.

"I think he'll be back," I murmured.

"Can the baby hear my voice, as well?" asked Rosalie quietly. She had already forgotten Jacob. Her words chimed lightly in the child's head, familiar, welcomed.

"He likes your voice, too, Rose," I said.

_Oh,_ thought Rosalie. _He knows me, too. _ She was shocked at how that small fact made her feel. She beamed at Bella, laying a hand on her stomach.

_Too tight. _Discomfort suddenly creased the child's thoughts, slightly overwhelming, the unavoidable urge to…

Bella gasped, grabbing her stomach, teeth clenched together. "Oh," she panted. The child was desperately trying to restrain his movements, control slowly being regained. The pressure ceased, and Bella's face relaxed, color slowly returning.

Remorse, cold and unhappy, washed through the child's mind. I marveled at his stunning ability to understand the effect of his actions. Amazing.

"It's Ok, little one," I murmured, stroking my hand over Bella's stomach. Bella blinked at me, mouth opened.

"Does he…" she wondered, looking down at my hand.

"He's trying not to hurt you," I said quietly. "He feels…sad, when he does."

Horror flashed over Bella's face. "Oh, no, baby," she crooned. "Don't feel bad. I know it's not your fault."

_Baby, baby, baby…._

Rosalie's eyes were wide. _Incredible,_ she thought. _Developed enough to be trying not to hurt her._

"And I can hear the heartbeat," I breathed. Bella covered her mouth with her hand, a small moan escaping through her fingers. Rosalie quickly bent over and pressed her ear to Bella, becoming perfectly still for a moment.

"Bella, could you make your heart beat a little softer?" she murmured.

"Gee, I'll try," Bella laughed. Then Rosalie's eyes glazed over, and her face went still.

"I hear it," she whispered. "Carlisle will flip."

"Tell me more," said Bella eagerly. "What are his thoughts like? What is he saying?"

"Well," I said slowly, "mostly they are vague impressions, not distinct words. He is warm, and happy. He is uncomfortable – the space grows too small for him." I glanced at Rosalie, considering this. An idea began to form in my head, and it would bear more discussion, later. "He likes to listen to our voices, and remember, and repeat what we have said in his mind. He understands when you are talking to him."

"Oh, Edward," Bella breathed. Her heartbeat quickened, and she reached out and clenched my hand with hers. "And you, really, now…you're happy? You…want him?"

"It's hard to describe," I said quietly. "I see, now, that he belongs with us. I see that he is good, and kind, and how much he loves you. Just like I do." I closed my eyes, almost wishing for a moment I could come down into his world where there was truly nothing but her.

Rosalie sat up. "See, Edward," she said. "You were totally wrong about him!" Her words were not intended to hurt. They were the simple truth, but they crashed down on me with the weight of the world. The shadow, the blackness I had held back before seeped in now, lashing through me, tearing back the layers to expose the truth of my misjudgment and mistrust. And the price I had nearly inflicted on us all.

For, once again, I had nearly destroyed Bella in my attempt to save her. It was beyond leaving her for her own good, a bad enough mistake. I had been willing to drug her, and tear away from her something she loved, all in the name of protecting her. I had been dead wrong, and had I gotten my way…

I felt like my insides had been turned inside out at the thought. I dragged myself up, pulling my hand from Bella's and staggered back a couple of steps.

"Oh, Bella," I whispered, looking down at her in despair.

Bella grew still, her eyes on mine. "Rose, could you give us a moment alone, please," she said softly. Rose evaluated me for a second, and then got up silently and left.

I took a couple of steps backward, almost feeling as though I should leave. I was a wretched curse on her, something that could do no right. She shouldn't want me near her, or our baby. I was a menace to those I loved.

"Edward," Bella groaned. "Please, don't do this."

"But Bella," I choked out. "After what I wanted to do, after what I tried to do when we got home from the island…"

"It's OK, Edward," Bella said soothingly. "I understand, I always understood."

"Bella." My voice was rough. "I'm so, so…"

"No, Edward," Bella said firmly, although tears were beginning to sparkle again in her eyes. "Do not apologize. You were just trying to keep me safe. I know that."

"Bella," I moaned. "I was wrong, again. Always wrong, always trying to help you but ultimately hurting you. You needed me so badly during this time, and I wasn't there for you. I didn't trust you or listen to you. I tried to undermine everything you wanted." I looked up at the ceiling, shaking my head. "Blind, and stupid, unable and unwilling to try to understand."

I looked back and saw tears rolling down her cheeks, her head slowly moving from side to side. "You are so forgiving, so kind," I whispered. "But I was wrong."

"No," Bella said, her voice coarse with tears. "There is nothing to forgive. You don't need to be sorry. You didn't know, then." The child moved anxiously inside her, recognizing the distress in Bella's voice, not understanding its origin. My hand reached out slightly, hating any distance between us, wishing there was some way I could comfort them both.

She peered into my eyes. "Do you understand now, though," she said softly, "what I felt in that moment when I knew I wanted him?"

"Yes," I whispered.

"Then that's all I need to know."

I closed the space between us, kneeling down in front of her. She looked down, tears dripping from her eyes onto the floor, silver raindrops. I reached out and lifted her chin, pulling her face up so her eyes looked back into mine.

"Please, Bella," I said gently. "I am so, so sorry. I should have listened to you, trusted your instincts." I paused, trying to frame my thoughts, understand what I was striving for. "I am your husband, and I need to do more than just protect you. I need to hear you. To see you." I moved my hand up to curve around her cheek. "You are the whole world to me, and I should have supported you. I'm sorry."

She looked at me, her eyes still a little defiant, but I could see something working behind them. Finally, taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly, she nodded. "Ok, Edward," she said quietly. "You don't need to apologize, but...thank you."

Her acceptance washed over me, pushing the darkness aside, and, for now, I let the light in. I felt a smile form on my face, and her expression filled with delight. My phone buzzed in my pocket again. Ignoring it, I leant down and pressed my lips to Bella's, breathing her in, tasting her on my tongue.

"I love you, I love you, I love you," I said, kissing her cheeks and eyes and neck. Her hands gripped my shoulders.

"I love you, too, Edward," she sighed. "So much."

I lay my head on her stomach again, closing my eyes. Bella's hands caressed my head, and she laughed.

"What is he thinking now?" she said. But it was dark and quiet inside her now, peaceful, a musical murmur of sounds like water running through a brook cascading through the mind.

"Resting, I think," I said, chuckling. I felt a deep and fundamental satisfaction.

"I can't wait to hold him," she mused. Her voice was light, free, and I knew she was enjoying finally being able to share her thoughts with me, this wall between us finally down. I felt ashamed she had been forced to hide them before. "Only a few more days."

Black night eclipsed me suddenly, like the shadow of a large, winged beast briefly blocking the sun, as it waits for his prey. The danger of the birth remained imminent, real. And I still hated the crushing enormity of the risk to Bella, the cruel fear of how much could be lost.

But as I raised my head to look into Bella's eyes, I realized that although much remained the same, everything was different. For now I was not fighting against something. I was fighting _for_ something. For two things. And this filled me with a deep feeling of power, steeling my limbs and my mind with a new purpose.

I grasped Bella's hands in mine. "I will save you, Bella. Both of you. You will hold him in your arms. I promise you that."

"You really want to save him, too?" Bella said, her voice cracking, eyes beacons of trust. I nodded, but then I felt a strange tearing inside, as a terrible thought, a newly exposed edge to my priorities lanced through me like a blade. What if I could not save them both at the same time? What if I was handed the power of deciding who to save? I had to believe that fate would not be so cruel.

Bella sucked in her breath, seeing the sudden conflict in my eyes, knowing me too well, and a look of desperation flashed on her face. The child, more alert from Bella's anxiety, shifted slightly, eyes open, watching the stars within his own private galaxy. Bella grabbed at me, catching my sleeve with her hand and twisting it in her fist.

"Edward," she choked out. "You have to promise me, you…you…" Her words paused as she breathed hard.

"Sorry," Rosalie said quietly from the doorway. Bella and I glanced up quickly. She moved slowly toward me, holding out her phone. "Edward - it's Alice – she really wants to talk to you." That must have been who had been calling me. I shook my head, trying to disengage my thoughts from my conversation with Bella. I wondered what Alice had seen?

Rosalie put the phone in my hand. "I didn't tell her," she whispered, smiling slightly. "I thought you might like to share the news." Her eyes were cautious, and I smiled back. I took the phone and put it to my ear.

"EDWARD CULLEN!" shrieked Alice. "Why haven't you been taking my calls? Why do I have visions of you smiling? Why do I see you hugging Rosalie?" I glanced up, and Rosalie raised her eyebrows. "But Bella is still so blurry. What's going on?"

"Everything's OK, Alice," I said, smiling at Bella. But Bella still looked wary. I could tell she wanted to talk more with me. "More than OK. Where are you?"

"Jazz and I are almost home," she snapped. "Answer my questions! What has changed? What…oh…" she paused, pulling in a breath. "Why did everything just disappear?"

_Damn it_. I had not been paying attention. My head snapped up, and I immediately sensed the movement outside. A wolf was approaching, and I felt a stab of shock at who it was.

Leah was coming, and she was not happy.

* * *

_Next chapter is basically written, so update should be quick._

_**Did everyone love the movie?**  
_


	16. Untruth

_I was just blown away by the reviews for the last chapter – they were amazing! I tried to keep up but wasn't able to reply to all reviews, so I just want to let everyone know how much your kind words are appreciated._

_Seems like almost everyone loved the movie!_

_A lot of people have asked how far I am planning to take this story. Right now, I am fairly definite that I will go through to the end of Bella's first day as a vampire. I wasn't sure about doing the first day originally, because a lot happens, and there is a lot of SM's dialogue, but then I already went ahead and wrote one of the scenes (I always wanted more details of what happened when Bella attacked Jacob!), so I think I am definitely going to do it. _

_There will be one more chapter before the birth. There is still a lot for the Cullens to plan/discuss!_

_Thank you to beta lada_8 for your input and support._

_Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight!_

* * *

Enlightenment, whether it is desired or not, can come from the most unlikely sources.

"Uh, Bella's OK, but I've got to go, Alice," I said quickly.

"Edward," she yelled. I snapped the phone shut. Jacob had not closed the door when he left, and Leah slunk in now, her lithe, gray form curving around the corner of the door.

She had seen Jacob driving off. She had seen the look on his face.

Seth was screaming in her head. _Get out of there, Leah! You're too angry. Let me talk to them! _ He was racing towards the house, flying through the woods, many miles out.

She ignored him, her angry eyes on me. I stood, angling my body in front of Bella. Rosalie remained behind Bella, hands clutching the couch in tight fists.

"Hello, Leah," I murmured.

She growled. _What did you do to Jake, you putrid bloodsucker?_ I started slightly at the venom in her words.

"Leah, listen," I said, raising my hands in front of me. She cocked her head, peering around me at Bella.

_Or maybe I should be asking her._

I took a step forward, trying to divert her attention from Bella back to me.

"No one intentionally tried to hurt Jacob," I said softly.

Her head swung back to me, and the growling grew louder and deeper. The hair on the back of her neck stood up and she bared her teeth. _Liar, _she thought. I heard Bella gasp, and I moved my arms out in a protective gesture.

There was a blur of gold, and then Jasper stood in front of me, inches from Leah. He and Alice had come in the back door, and he had leapt the space of the room. He crouched down, snarling quietly, and Leah stumbled backwards a couple of steps, the growl dying in her throat. She snuffed, and tried to look around him at me.

_What happened to Jake? What did you do? _The searing misery of Jacob's expression as he drove past her was burned into her mind. She had raced to catch the car, but Jacob had no intention of stopping or turning back.

"We didn't _do_ anything to him," I said, although I wondered if that was really true. "You see, he was here, with us, when I realized that I could hear the thoughts of the child. When I understood he wasn't a monster."

Leah's eyes widened in shock, and I heard a sharp hiss from Alice by the door. Jasper's head whipped towards me.

_What the hell are you talking about, Edward?_

I waved away the question. We could explain after Leah left.

_Child?_ Leah's teeth bared_. I assume you mean the thing she's carrying. The thing causing this whole spectacle. So what? What about Jake?_

"Well…" I tried to think of the best way to explain it. "Everything changed, you see, when I understood his thoughts. And for Jacob, well, he was upset that I…" Ugh. "I thought it would be easiest if he left."

She stared at me for a moment, then snarled deeply and turned around. I relaxed, letting out my breath, and Jasper straightened up. But Leah didn't move towards the door. She moved swiftly out of our view into the dining room.

Jasper glanced at me.

"She's going to phase," I whispered in surprise.

_Leah, No! _Seth shouted. And then he was gone. We both felt the vibration in the next room, the intangible movement of air as a body transformed.

_Stupid, filthy, reeking bloodsuckers, _Leah fumed, furious to have to face us in her human form. But she wanted answers. _From him, and from the girl._ I stiffened, concerned. There was the swift sound of clothes being pulled on and then she appeared at the door.

I had never actually seen Leah before with my own eyes – only through the thoughts and memories of others. Her face and hands were dirty, and her hair was matted and stood out from her head. It was hard to see in her the girl she had once been.

_Oh my_, thought Alice, taking in her tattered clothes. Her fashion sensibilities were being seriously insulted. _She dresses even worse than Bella._

Leah marched over to me, shoving at Jasper to move when he stepped in her way. He glanced at me incredulously. _Is she for real?_ I shrugged, and then nodded, and he moved a couple steps aside. I'd much rather she spoke to me than Bella. Plus, Jacob was the pack leader, and she deserved answers. She came to stand right in my face.

Leah's eyes narrowed into slits. "So, I get it," she snarled. "You can hear its thoughts, and so you're happy all of a sudden, and then it's get out Jake, we don't need your help anymore. Thanks for the memories."

"No, Leah, of course not," I said, exasperated.

"Oh, Leah, no, it's not like that. Did you talk to him?" Bella said from behind me. I shook my head, waving my hand behind me, trying to silence her. But before I could stop her, as if she couldn't help herself, Bella went on. "Did he say if he was coming back?"

That was a mistake.

Leah's eyes burned her head as she turned her furious glare on Bella.

"Are you serious?!" she snarled. "Look, I'm sorry you've got some half breed freak inside you that is going to tear you to shreds. That really sucks. But after everything you've done to him, you are, incredibly, still asking for him to come back?!"

Bella made a gasping sound. Leah's hand curled into tight fists.

"You just can't stop yourself from dragging him down into your personal hell, holding him here to watch you die for another man and his killer offspring. I don't know what to make of you – if you are delusional, cruel, or just plain heartless like the blood sucking vampire you want to become!"

"Hey, now," I snapped, putting a hand on her arm. She had no right to talk to Bella this way. She smacked me away, breaking a small bone in her finger. She didn't even flinch. Her eyes flashed at me and back to Bella.

"Do you have any idea what it is like to be in his head? Do you have any idea what kind of pain he is in?" She eyed me. "I'll bet your vamp does, and he doesn't tell you. Do you understand how much he loves you? How you tore him to pieces when you used him as a bloodsucker stand in when this leech left you, and then threw him aside when he came back?" I started to speak, but she barreled on. "And now here you are again, married, knocked up, and still hanging onto him, still using him, still hurting him.

"Leah," choked Bella. She was starting to cry. The baby was very still, absorbing this new voice in his world. "I don't want to hurt Jake! I love him."

"Don't say that!" Leah shrieked. "How can you say that and yet keep torturing him again and again. He's being torn apart, dying along with you!! You're so selfish!" Leah was breathing hard, her pulse racing. I glanced at Jasper, concerned, unsure how developed Leah's control was. He nodded and closed his eyes, trying to calm her.

Leah sensed him immediately. _Manipulative bastards. _She turned her face to Jasper. "Don't even try it," she snarled. "I know all about you. Don't mess with me." But Jasper's calm had the intended affect, whether she liked it or not. She drew in a deep breath, turning back to Bella, her voice quieter.

"Jake is my pack leader, and my friend. He is good, and kind, and strong. He is loyal to his family and friends. He is even loyal to you and your bloodsucking husband, after all you've done to him. Do you understand what that loyalty is costing him?"

Tears streamed down Bella's face as she nodded. _For god's sake, enough with the waterworks,_ Leah thought. She tried to soften her expression.

"He deserves so much more than this half-life you've forced on him," she said, her voice lower now, fervent. "He shouldn't have to keep paying for your mistakes. He needs a chance to heal. He deserves love, and happiness, not pain." I was shocked by how much Leah felt for Jacob. How deep the bond ran now. That Leah felt it had been Jacob who had given her a way out of her own pathetic half-life.

"You're right Leah," Bella sobbed. "I know I shouldn't ask him to be here. I can't explain it. It's just that I need him so much right now."

Leah's temper exploded. "You're impossible!! Have you heard anything I've said? Don't you care what he needs? How he feels? Leave him alone!" The air around her began to shimmer, and she took a step forward. "Leave him alone!" she shrieked.

"Christ," I hissed moving a step backwards to protect Bella. Alice and Rosalie appeared quickly at my side.

Jasper had had enough. He stepped forward and grabbed her arm.

"It's time for you to go," he snarled, pushing her backwards.

"No, Jasper," gasped Bella.

"What if I'm not ready to leave," hissed Leah.

_Am I allowed to kill her, Edward? _Jasper thought.

"Not yet," I muttered. I was infuriated. I should have thrown her out the second she opened her mouth, rather than let her hurt Bella like this. I took a step towards her, and Alice and Rosalie closed in behind me.

"Don't hurt her, Edward," cried Bella, trying to see around them.

I would not hurt her, if she left right now. Leah's hands were beginning to shake, her thoughts angry and disordered.

"Get out of here, Leah," I snapped. "So help me, get out before you phase, or we will throw you out."

A body ran swiftly through the front yard, and large foots pounded up the front steps. The door banged aside and Seth stood in the frame, breathing hard, dressed only in a hastily pulled on pair of pants. He looked around the room, seeing we were all still standing, still in one piece.

_I'm in time, I'm in time,_ he thought in relief.

"Hi guys," he said. Rosalie hissed at him, but he didn't acknowledge her. He moved slowly into the room towards his sister. "Hey, Leah." His eyes hardened slightly as he saw Jasper's hand on her arm. Jasper let go and took several steps backwards.

Leah was still trembling slightly, her expression blank but her eyes still fixed on Bella. Seth took her hand and tugged gently, leading her out. "We'll just be going now," he said. He looked in concern at Bella, whose face was bright red and streaming with tears. "Uh, sorry." They disappeared out the door, phasing as soon as they hit the woods.

_Leah, what did you say!? _Seth thought. I shut them out.

It was quiet for a minute, except for Bella's breathing, which hitched erratically.

"Well, that was unexpected," commented Alice. And then Bella burst into wracking sobs. Rosalie sat down quickly on the edge of the couch next to her, trying to comfort her, but Bella pushed her hands away.

"Oh god," she cried, her voice bordering on hysterical. "She's right, she's so right. What am I doing to Jake? I'm hurting him so much! I'm a selfish monster!" Her hands wrung together, twisting, as she struggled to get up.

I groaned, grinding my teeth together. _Damn that Leah_. I was going to talk to Jacob about this. If he came back. I eyed Jasper and he nodded, turning to face Bella.

He went all out, sending a crushing wave of lethargy at her. Her hands relaxed and her heartbeat slowed.

"Stop it, Jasper," she muttered. But she sank back into the couch, her head laying back and her eyelids fluttering. "Don't," she groaned. "I don't deserve it." But she lay quiet, still.

"All right, Edward," Jasper said, moving to put his arm around Alice. "Explain what's been going on."

I walked over to Bella, taking her hand in mine.

"I can hear the baby's thoughts, now," I said softly, looking between the two of them. _Baby?_ Alice thought in disbelief. I nodded. I glanced back down at Bella, and she raised her head a little to meet my eyes, smiling slightly.

Jasper's face was skeptical. "You can hear its thoughts?" he asked, gesturing towards Bella. I nodded again. "And…" he prompted. _And so what does that mean?_

"I was wrong," I said simply. "The child is good – gentle and kind. He doesn't want to hurt Bella. He loves her." Bella squeezed my hand lightly.

Alice's eyebrows flew up. She and Jasper exchanged a glance, and she reached forward to touch my arm.

"Maybe you should have gone hunting, Edward," she said quietly.

"No," I groaned, shaking her off. "I'm not hallucinating or going crazy."

"Come on, you guys," said Rosalie. "Don't you see? Edward can hear the baby now. He wants him too, just like me and Bella. He's on our side now."

Jasper's face hardened at this. "Shut up, Rose," I muttered. "It's not like that."

"So," Alice said slowly, "you can hear the fetus's thoughts now, and everything is OK?" Her eyes continued to be skeptical. _Just like that?_

I had never realized how difficult it would be to make others understand. Alice and Jasper had been my faithful supporters during the war I'd created, loyal to what I wanted for Bella. And concerned for her in her own right.

I had been able to actually experience the child's mind, to wrap myself in his thoughts, and realize what he meant to me. But for Alice and Jasper it was harder to comprehend the change. I would have to peel away the animosity, the deep-rooted fear and anger that I myself had created.

"No," I said quietly. "Everything is not OK. Bella is still in grave danger." I looked at Alice and Jasper. Their expressions were guarded. I went on, my voice soft. "But when I saw into his mind, when I shared his thoughts, I _knew_ he wasn't a monster. He couldn't be. And then, when I realized he loved Bella..." I paused, thinking about how to express what I had felt in that moment. "When I understood that, I knew he belonged with us. And that I loved them both."

"Edward," Alice whispered, her eyes wide with amazement.

"Alice," Bella said, reaching for her hand. Alice gave it to her slowly. "He's happy. He likes to listen to our voices. He's trying not to hurt me." Alice looked down, wanting to believe her. She wondered how to see past all the pain and danger for Bella, and find something good.

"Alice, Jasper," I murmured. "I know this must seem like a very sudden change of heart. And after everything I've said, and the way I've acted, I don't blame you for not trusting this right away. For not trusting me." I swallowed hard. "I just wish that you could hear what I can in his thoughts. And see how much he loves Bella. She is his whole world." I brushed Bella's cheek lightly.

"It's not that we don't trust you, Edward," said Alice. "We just need to adjust, a little. To understand." _He's really trying not to hurt Bella?_

"Yes," I said quietly. "He's amazingly aware. He is taking in everything around him, and he is trying very hard not to move in a way that hurts Bella."

Suddenly Jasper, who had been standing behind Alice, drew in a sharp breath. "My god," he whispered. We all looked quickly at him. He was staring intently at Bella, eyes burning vivid gold. "I_ feel_ him," he said slowly. "I feel him separate from Bella. I didn't realize before. I didn't try." Moving very, very slowly, allowing me to determine he was safe, he moved around Alice and approached Bella, dropping down to one knee beside the couch. He put his hand over her body, and then, very gently, placed just his fingertips onto her stomach.

"Oh," he breathed. We watched him as he silently took in the child's feelings, adjusting himself to this new emotional landscape.

"There are definitely two distinct sets of emotions," he said slowly, "although they are tied together. Bella, you are a little anxious, and that anxiety does color what, uh, he is feeling. But his own emotions are stronger, separate."

"What is he feeling?" asked Rosalie.

"Happiness," said Jasper, his voice tinged with surprise. "Love." He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, as if drawing these emotions into himself, so different from the agony and despair he had been such a part of lately. _No_, he thought. _Not a monster_. His eyes opened, clear and calm, meeting mine. His thoughts were still shadowed with skepticism, but he couldn't deny the gentle goodness that flowed from the baby.

"Do you see?" I whispered. Jasper nodded slightly_. I think I do, Edward,_ he thought. _I'm trying._

Jasper looked up at Alice. "I can tell you this much," he said softly. "It's wonderful to share his emotions. To feel the happiness and contentment that he feels."

"Oh, Jazz," murmured Alice, seeing the reflection of the child's emotions in his eyes. She sat down on his knee, kissing his cheek and then turned to look at Bella.

"He loves you," she said quietly, disbelief battling hope. Bella nodded. Alice reached out hesitantly and put her hand on Bella.

"He can really hear my voice?" she asked.

Bella glanced at me, and I smiled and nodded. "He's listening right now. He is familiar with your voice."

"And I'm sure he loves it," Bella said. "You're his aunt!"

Alice blinked. "His aunt?"

"Yes, silly," laughed Bella.

_Aunt,_ Alice thought, turning the concept around in her mind. She wasn't really sure what the word meant to her – she had no context to put it in. Left without human memories, Alice had very little experience babies, or family in general, outside of our small clan.

_But I love Bella, _she thought. _And I love Edward. So how could I not love what is theirs?_ Bella put her hand on Alice's, and they smiled at each other. Then Alice's eyes found mine.

_Oh Edward,_ she thought. _To see you happy, again…if only I could have foreseen this. So much might have been different. I'm so sorry._ She burdened herself too much, fiercely regretting her inability to see, feeling she had let me down. What she didn't realize was that she was so much more than her gift. It was her simple presence and support that gave me strength.

I smiled at her, shaking my head slightly. I reached out my hand, and she put hers in it, squeezing gently. I gave her hand a quick kiss, before releasing it.

Alice moved her hand back to Bella. "This would be a lot more enjoyable without the headache," Alice said. "I wonder when…" She cut herself off, glancing at Bella, but it was too late.

"Oh, Jake," Bella moaned, tears filling her eyes again. She covered her face with her hands.

_Sorry, Edward,_ thought Alice, grimacing.

I sighed and patted Bella's back. "Where are the others?" I asked.

"They went looking for more blood to buy – Carlisle sent what he could. It's on the back porch," said Jasper.

"Where's Emmett?" asked Rosalie. "Why didn't he come back?"

"Well." Alice spoke up, glancing quickly at Jasper. "They were heading into some heavily populated areas, and near a hospital, and, well, Carlisle thought it was best to keep Emmett with him." Jasper's mouth was in a thin line. He had resented Carlisle's implication of his weakness, and there had apparently been something of an argument.

"And Jasper didn't want to leave me," Alice continued, "so here we are. Sorry, Rose. Carlisle is going to call me when they start to head home so I can watch the route they take."

Rosalie was disappointed, bursting to talk to Emmett. "Maybe I'll give him a call."

"And I'll need to talk to Carlisle," I said. Bella was still sobbing quietly. I leaned over close to her. "What can I do to make you feel better?" I asked softly.

"Nothing," she said.

"How about a bath?" suggested Rosalie. Bella looked up, and then looked at me.

"If Edward will help me," she said softly.

"Of course," I murmured. It would be a good way for her to relax. And it would give Alice and Jasper a chance to talk, privately, about everything. Rosalie went upstairs to fill the large tub with the jets in Esme and Carlisle's bathroom. I rubbed Bella's back gently as she cried, until I heard the faucets turn off, and then I scooped her gently up into my arms.

As we went upstairs, we passed Rosalie heading down. She was heading towards the kitchen. Feeling she was finally freed of the necessity of protecting Bella from me at all times, she was anxious to work on something. She was worried how we would feed the baby.

Soon after we had arrived home, Rosalie had had Emmett purchase some baby supplies, including bottles, formula and diapers. I had been absolutely furious at the time, thinking it an idiocy that would only encouraged Bella more. My reaction seemed, obviously, very short sighted now. I just hadn't wanted to consider anything about what might happen after the birth – I had only wanted to think about Bella.

Rosalie was concerned about the traditional baby bottles. If the child's teeth were anything like ours, she was concerned what he might do to a rubber bottle. Inspired by her metalwork in creating the dog bowl for Jacob, she wanted to create something stronger for the baby to drink from. Some sort of bottle/cup hybrid she referred to in her mind as a "sippy cup". I shook my head – at least she had more of a plan than I did.

Bella and I entered the steamy bathroom. I set her down standing on the bathroom floor and gently removed her clothes. She clung to my shoulders while I bent down to take the socks off her feet.

When I stood up, she wrapped her arms around me, and I placed my hands on her back.

"Want to join me?" she asked, smiling, cheerful again. I leaned over and kissed her forehead.

"I remember the baths we took together on the island," she said, her voice dancing.

"I do, too," I whispered. Her skin pulsed beneath my hands. My palms tingled, wanting to move, to explore her. I felt a shiver run through her body. "But I think the last thing you need is a giant ice-cube in the bath with you." I grinned at her. "Plus, I'm not sure there's room for more that just you in there."

"Hey," she said, hitting my arm, feather against steel. I leaned down and carefully picked her up and lowered her into the tub.

"Ahh," she sighed, sinking into the warm water, the jets sending bubbling streams around her. At the same time, the baby sensed the enveloping warmth, as well as Bella's relaxation, and rolled contentedly. I laughed softly.

"What?" Bella asked.

"I think the baby likes the bath as well."

With Bella's stomach exposed to the light, the baby's world was brighter, twilight instead of night, the lavender edged with rose tones. _Bath. Bath._ He repeated my words, my voice, in his thoughts. I realized, suddenly, that his mind was not just enjoying our voices. It was also memorizing our words, creating a vocabulary that would later be placed into context.

As I gently washed Bella, and she lay with her head back and eyes shut, I marveled at his advanced development. I had been, briefly, in the minds of babies before. I had caught the wisps of thoughts that emanated from pregnant women. This mind was so far beyond anything I had encountered at this state of development. I felt a strange, warm sensation in my chest, something, I realized, akin to pride.

I paused suddenly, my hand on Bella's stomach, looking down. The bruises were, of course, still there - grotesque, some dark and fresh, others an unsettling shade of yellow. It was an odd sensation, to feel the familiar horror and guilt, and yet, also, to finally begin to understand why she was willing to bear them.

I traced one of the bruises with my finger, thinking about all they symbolized that I hadn't been able to see before. The marks reflected her limitless devotion to her unborn child. They were the tangible evidence of the willing sacrifice of her body, to what she considered a greater love. Just as she had always been willing to sacrifice her body, her human body, for our love. My fingers moved over the dark black and purple marks, snow against storm clouds, not really touching but instead gliding over the warmth trapped between her skin and mine. I leaned over and kissed her mottled skin gently.

As I came back up, I noticed Bella's face was turned to me. Her eyes were liquid, glittering brown gems set in the pale landscape of her skin. I smiled, and she smiled back, the movement forcing out tears, which emerged from the corners of her eyes and trailed down her face, soon indistinguishable from the moisture of the bath.

I washed Bella's hair, rinsing it with clean water from the tap. I lifted her out, wrapped her in a large towel, and carried her into the bedroom, sitting her on the bed. As I closed the door I heard Rosalie approach. She sat outside the door, waiting for me to finish with Bella. She was anxious to call Emmett, and knew I wanted to talk to Carlisle as well.

I looked through the pile of clothes, pulling out a pair of drawstring pajama pants and a large t-shirt. Bella sat on the bed, quiet and somber now. I could guess what – who – she was thinking about.

"Edward," she said quietly. "Is Jacob really in bad pain? Tell me what he is thinking."

I came over to the bed with clothes and started to help her get dressed.

"I don't want to share his private thoughts, Bella. It's bad enough that I intrude on them."

She laughed, short and hard. "You've never had a problem letting me know what Jake has been thinking before."

She didn't know how inaccurate that statement was. There had been so much I had not said, not shared, from Jacob. For so many reasons – I'd like to say out of respect for his privacy, but the truth was it was more often fear, anger or jealousy. I remembered driving Bella to La Push, listening to Jacob's thoughts scream at me from a mile out.

_I'm not going to make it easy for you anymore, bloodsucker. I'm going to tell her that I love her. That I want her to choose me. And we both know I'd be so much better for her._

And what could I have said? I had to let her go her own way. And she might have misinterpreted my intentions if I told her before he said anything. So I'd only been able to watch her go, and wait to see if she would return.

Bella placed a hand on my cheek, pulling me out of my memory. I sighed and sat on the bed with her.

"Yes, he is in pain," I said. "He's worried for you, like all of us."

"But it's worse," she said softly, "when he is here, around me. Around us."

I took her hand, kissing her fingertips. "He still loves you, Bella. You're hard to get over – believe me, I know." Impossible, if I had even tried.

"And I keep forcing him to visit, to stay." Her voice was shaking. She started to cry again.

"You're not forcing anyone, Bella. Jacob is his own person, and he makes his own choices. You can't feel bad if he chooses to continue seeing you – that is not your fault."

Bella swallowed a sob. "Oh, Edward. It's just there is something inside me, some part of me, that just needs him to be here." She looked up at me quickly. "You know it's not a romantic thing. I don't want to hurt you, either."

I nodded, sighing, and closed my eyes for a moment. For I knew that, at one time, her feelings had been more than friendship. It hadn't been enough. But almost enough. And I couldn't deny that, seeing how much she wanted him around now, part of me feared those romantic feelings for him still festered somewhere inside her. I knew this was just unfounded insecurity, but I did wish I understood her pull towards him.

I opened my eyes. Bella was watching me, her eyes troubled. I put my arm around her to draw her close. She relented reluctantly, leaning her body slowly towards mine. I pressed her fragile form against my chest, and stroked her wet hair, smooth like silver on my palm. Drops of moisture fell from it, dampening the t-shirt against her back.

She didn't want to hurt Jacob, or me, because it wasn't in her heart to want to bring pain to anyone. She would always, gladly, take that pain on herself. But sometimes, it seemed, life spun in such a way that made it impossible to go on, to live, without hurting others.

Bella took a deep breath, and wiped her tears away with the back of her hand. "When Jake comes back, I'm going to tell him he doesn't need to hang around anymore, not if it is hurting him," she said.

_Jake, Jake… _The baby replayed Bella saying his name. And then…Jacob's voice. _Bella. _I stiffened, simultaneously rocked with sheer amazement by the child's ability to associate the voice with the name, and rubbed raw by the affection, and longing, that wrapped around Jacob's voice in his mind.

I was rattled, and stood up abruptly to go and get Bella a sweatshirt. But she grabbed my arm, turning me back to her.

"Edward." Her voice was sharp. The direction of her thoughts had changed. I looked down at her.

"Edward, you have to promise me, if things go badly – you save him first. Get him out." Her eyes bore through mine. "Him first, and then me."

I drew in a sharp breath. "Bella, how can I promise that? I can't imagine how…"

"You _can_ promise me!" she cried. "Promise, Edward. Save him first." She struggled, wincing, hanging onto the headboard, trying to get to her knees. I reached down and put my hands under her arms, pulling her up until she was kneeling on the bed. She put both hands on my face.

"Promise me, Edward," she breathed. I looked down into her fathomless eyes. I had already seen that Bella was willing to trade her life for his. I knew this. I had borne witness to it every long second since we had arrived home. And I thought about what that meant, what it really meant to her. What it would mean, for her to live, and him to be gone.

And then, it blossomed before me, cold and certain, the utter truth of the situation I had never been able to see. The reason, I realized, why all my attempts to save Bella when we arrived home had been in vain. The reason I would honor her request.

For simply, I could not save Bella, without saving him. I could _only_ save her by saving him.

I accepted it now, this awareness of the only path to salvation, the course that would have to shape all my decisions and actions going forward. And I just had to believe there was a way to get them both through the birth. I had already accepted that Bella would be turned. And now that I could hear the child's thoughts, and we knew that he was cognizant of his actions, there was no reason the birth could not proceed in a planned, successful way.

"I will, Bella. I promise," I said. "And you promise me this. You keep your heart beating. Keep it beating for me, and for him, and I will find a way to save you both." _To save us all._ She nodded, blinking the tears out of her eyes.

"I promise," she whispered.

I took her face between my hands, as gently as I would cup a rose. "Nothing's going to happen to you. I won't let it," I said softly.

"I know," she said. "But if it does, I just want to know that he is safe, and taken care of."

"Rosalie will always be here for him," I said. "She is almost as attached to him as we are."

Bella's forehead wrinkled. "What do you mean, Rosalie?" she asked, her voice cautious.

"Rosalie and Emmett will care for him. And Esme, Carlisle – the whole family."

I looked up over her head. The vision was already forming in Rosalie's head, where she sat out in the hall. She and Emmett, sitting together on a porch somewhere, cradling a small, dark haired, brown eyed baby. I probably should have been upset that this thought came to her so quickly, but I was not. It reassured me, filling me with the knowledge that this child would be loved and cherished, always, even if Bella and I were forced to leave him behind in our way out of this world.

"Edward." Bella's voice was strained. "He won't be with Rosalie. He will be with you. You will still be here with him."

I looked down at her, my hands falling to my side. "Here without you?" I asked quietly.

She reached out with her hand and grabbed me behind the neck. "Yes, without me," she practically snarled.

I shook my head slightly. "Bella, you know…"

"Yes, I know," she snapped. "I know what happened last time. But this is different. Oh god, Edward," she wailed, shaking her head. The panic in her eyes started to rise again. "If something happens to me, don't do anything. Tell me you won't. You need to stay here, with him."

I had to move, to think. I took her hand from behind my neck, kissed it, and then turned from her and went over to the window, looking down. It was sunny today. The grass glimmered, a dozen different shades of green. I watched how the sun danced off the water flowing in the river, angled beams of reflected fire lighting up the forest around it.

I thought about what it meant to be in this world without Bella, to watch over our child. I had, of course, been in the minds of parents, of human parents. I knew that they lived for their children. I knew that if tragedy struck, that one parent would live on, without the other, to take care of the child.

But I was not human. And whatever strength those humans had that made it possible for them carry on, I did not have it anymore. It had been traded, over 90 years ago, for other, sometimes terrible, strengths. Bella was essential to my very being, and I did not exist without her.

I turned from the window to face her, unable to speak. She moaned at my silence.

"Tell me Edward," she said desperately. "Say you won't follow me, if I go." She was still on her knees on the bed, breathing hard, heart racing, hands beginning to shake. Everyone paused around the house, concerned.

_Edward, _thought Alice warningly. Jasper started to make his way to the bedroom, to see if he could help calm her. Her heart raced faster and faster.

So I did the only thing I could do in that moment. I lied. I crossed the room and pressed Bella's face to my chest, stroking her hair.

"Shh, Bella, don't worry," I murmured. "I won't."

But I could not exist on, if Bella died.

So I would just have to find a way to make sure that did not happen.


	17. Time

_I am just so grateful to all the readers and reviewers of this story. So many of you have been faithful readers for many months, and I really appreciate your ongoing support. The story has also recently gained many new readers, and this is in large part due to this story being recommended by my readers. I'm so touched and pleased that people would recommend my story to others, and I so appreciate all the reviews. I know I have dropped the ball lately in replying to reviews, but I swear it is so I can devote more time to getting the chapters written!! _

_This is a quiet chapter – lots of reflection for Edward building up to the birth_

_Song for this chapter – "Never Gonna Be Alone" by _Nickelback.

_Thank you to lada_8 for her continued support._

_Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight._

* * *

Time, it seems, is always the enemy. Stretching out endlessly, beyond a horizon we can't see, or slipping away too quickly, falling weightlessly through our outstretched hands.

It seemed ironic that it was me, the one who had always wanted more time for Bella, who had begged, pleaded and bribed her to extend her human life, that would now be the one to ultimately, in the end, ask to strip away what little time she had left.

My suggestion to Carlisle that I didn't think we needed to wait four more days for the birth was greeted by surprised silence on the other end of the line.

"It's no longer necessary to wait that long," I said in a low voice. Rosalie was behind me, listening intently. That was fine - I wanted her to hear this.

"What do you mean, Edward?" Carlisle asked cautiously.

"The child shows incredible mental development, Carlisle. His body just can't be that far behind. Even though he is trying not to, he is going to end up hurting Bella, when I'm not sure there is any benefit for him to stay in the womb any longer."

"But Rosalie and Bella will not agree," Carlisle said quietly. I turned my head full around, to look into Rosalie's face. She was staring at me, her eyes dark and still.

"I'm going to talk to them now," I said, holding her eyes with mine.

"I understand," said Carlisle. "We will need to discuss this more when I return."

"When will you be home?" I asked.

"The blood bank will open in the morning. We will leave immediately after we obtain some more blood. I'm hoping we should be home by noon."

"Ok, Carlisle," I said. I would convince him then.

"Hold on, Edward, your mother wants to talk to you _again._" He laughed softly. "We'll figure this out, Edward. We will make it work – I promise you."

"Thanks, Carlisle," I whispered, glancing away from Rosalie. Esme got on the phone.

"Edward, I'm so sorry we aren't home with you. I wish I could be there."

"I know, Esme," I sighed. It had been all Carlisle could do to convince Esme they had to wait another night.

"It's enough to just hear the change in your voice," she said softly. "Take care of Bella, and we will be there as soon as possible. I love you."

"I love you, too, Esme," I murmured. The line disconnected, and I hung up the phone and turned to face Rosalie. She opened her mouth, but I held up my hand.

"Let's discuss this with Bella," I said, turning my back to her and heading down the stairs. Rosalie followed, suspicious and uncertain. Carlisle and Esme had been immediately accepting of the changed situation, having gotten over any initial shock they might have felt hearing Rosalie recounting the story for Emmett by the time they got on the phone with me. Carlisle had been utterly fascinated by the child's mental capabilities, although his mood was tempered, as was mine, by the unchanged weight of the physical risks of the birth. Esme had simply been overjoyed that I had finally been able to find some meaning, some happiness, in all of this.

Alice was kneeling next to Bella, her head on her stomach, eyes wide, listening to the heartbeat. Jasper was standing, watching, several feet away. He was surprisingly concerned to discover this very human element to the baby.

Alice stood up when I approached, moving over to Jasper. "No, stay," I said to both of them.

I turned to look at Bella. "I'd like to discuss delivering the baby as soon as possible. Tomorrow," I said. Bella's eyes widened in surprise, and Rosalie's teeth clamped together. She was unable to hold back any longer.

"Edward, you know Bella and I have made it very clear we don't want to deliver the baby until he is completely developed. I heard what you said to Carlisle, but still, how can you be sure?"

"Hold on, let me explain to Bella," I said, glaring at her before turning to back to Bella. "I think we have drastically underestimated the child's development," I said gently. "His mind is one of a fully developed baby – well advanced beyond that, actually. I can't believe his body isn't similarly developed."

"Do you really think so?" Bella whispered, eyes searching mine.

"Yes," I said, kneeling down next to her. She glanced at Rosalie, and then at me.

"But will it be safe, for him?" she asked.

"I think this is actually the safest route for both of you, rather than waiting," I said quietly. "The delivery will go much more smoothly if it is planned, much safer for him." I took her hand in both of mine, surrounding her warm, pliant skin in an iron shell of safety. "And so much safer for you."

Bella nodded slightly, her face pensive.

"But there really isn't any way to know for sure," Rosalie pressed.

I glanced up at her. "I think that my ability to see into his mind is a far more accurate way to judge his development than counting centimeters," I said, trying to keep my voice even. I looked back at Bella. "He's uncomfortable, too big for the space. And sometimes it is difficult for him to control his movements, even if he doesn't want to hurt you."

"You really think he is developed enough?" Bella asked again. I could see she was wavering, as anxious as me, in some ways, for the delivery to be over. But she was also hesitant. Something else glinted in her eyes, and I was suddenly worried it was fear.

"Bella," I whispered, my chest feeling tight. Why had I been so quick to push this plan? What if Bella wasn't ready? "Love, if you are scared, we don't have to do this tomorrow. We have time to think about it. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to rush things…"

"No, Edward, no," she said quickly, shaking her head. "I'm not scared. I'm not." Her heart beat picked up slightly.

Alice glanced at me, and then sat down gently on the edge of the couch next to Bella. She reached out and smoothed a strand of hair off her forehead. "It's okay to be nervous, Bella," she said quietly.

"I'm not," Bella protested. "I mean, not really, I guess. Well, who wouldn't…" she glanced around the room, looking uncomfortable. "I guess maybe I am a little nervous," she admitted, shrugging.

"Me too," Rosalie said softly, standing behind the couch. I glanced at her in surprise.

Alice leaned forward and touched her forehead to Bella's. "Me three," she said.

Jasper shifted slightly. "Well, now I feel nervous, too," he said. He smiled gently. "Believe me Bella, we are all with you on this. How you are feeling is perfectly natural."

I squeezed her hands slightly. "No one expects you to be impossibly brave, love," I murmured.

"You're only human," Jasper added, still smiling.

"For now!" Alice laughed lightly. She put a hand on Bella's knee. "We'll get through this together."

Bella looked around and nodded, her eyes shining softly. "Thanks," she whispered. Then she turned to me, her face set. "But even though I'll admit I'm a little nervous, Edward, I _am_ ready. I'm so ready – I'm done waiting. I just want to be sure that he is ready, too."

I nodded. "He is cognizant of his body and surroundings, very much in control of his movements most of the time. I truly think this speaks to his developmental level."

Bella looked at me, thinking hard. I wondered what it was for her, to be so young, and asked to shoulder the weight of a decision like this, a decision that not only encompassed her own life and death, but that was also tangled and weaved into the lives and futures of everyone she loved.

"I don't want to pressure you," I said softly. "I've done that enough." Bella shook her head, but I went on. "This is entirely up to you. I just want things to be as safe as possible for both of you."

Bella looked down at her stomach, biting her lip. She pulled in a long, slow breath and then let it out. "Well, he definitely is big. And strong." She laughed, looking up at me. "And apparently smart for his age, like his father." Her eyes went to Rosalie, and she nodded slightly. "I think Edward is right," she breathed.

I turned to look at Rosalie. Her eyes rested on mine for a long moment, trying to see around her own walls she had built up, defensive walls of mistrust and suspicion. _This isn't just about protecting Bella? This is the safest thing for him as well? _I returned her gaze, but didn't answer. She would just have to find some faith in me. Finally, she sighed, and her gaze moved back to Bella's face.

_Yes, all right, Edward,_ she thought, smiling and nodding at Bella. _I can't disagree with what you are saying. _ I turned back. Bella's smile had turned radiant.

"This is so exciting!" she said, kissing my cheek. "Tomorrow, at this time, everything will be different!" Different. A chill that went through my mind, not matching the warmth shining off of Bella. _Different._ How different we didn't yet know.

Alice drew in a sudden breath. "Charlie will be calling in 15 seconds," she murmured. Alice had been checking in on Charlie occasionally, making sure he wasn't planning a surprise visit, with or without the FBI and the entire Fork's Police department. She walked over to the phone, holding her hand above it. As soon as it rang, she picked it up and brought it swiftly to Bella. It was better if Charlie didn't get the chance to start asking any of us questions. I could only imagine trying to explain why Carlisle wasn't here.

I kissed Bella's hand and stood up. Jasper nodded towards the edge of the room, and we moved just into the dining room, giving Bella some privacy.

"Edward," Jasper said quietly. "Planning the birth for tomorrow doesn't leave us much time to prepare to leave, unless you are planning to wait until Bella wakes up."

_Leave? _"There's no way I'm taking the chance of moving her now," I said firmly. "And everything that we need is here."

Jasper nodded thoughtfully. "It will be very difficult, if we wait until she is changed, traveling with a newborn." He paused suddenly, his face creasing in thought. "Well, traveling with two newborns, I guess."

Alice laughed weakly.

"And it may be impossible to get past the wolves safely."

"Do you think the standoff will continue?" I asked him.

Jasper's laugh was hard. "You think this will be over after the birth?" He shook his head. "They were willing to kill us all, even Bella, when we hadn't even broken the treaty. What do you think they will do when we do break it?"

"The child will not be dangerous, not in the way that they fear. He will be protected under the treaty, just like us."

"No, not the child, Edward. Bella." He sighed. "It is the same issue as always. Once you change her, bite her, the treaty is off. And we will no longer have the support of her wolf, because she will no longer be someone he wants to protect. He will probably turn on her completely. We will have to go."

I wasn't sure he was right about Jacob. I hoped, very much so, that he wasn't. But I knew he was right about the treaty. It had originally seemed like Sam wasn't going to attack when he had thought Bella had been changed, but with the current tension it seemed foolish to rely on that former goodwill.

I looked over at Bella, talking animatedly with her father on the phone. "She won't want to leave," I whispered, looking back at him.

Jasper's eyes narrowed, and he reached up to grip my shoulder.

"Edward," he said, his voice intense. "All Bella will _want_ is blood. Don't ever forget that." His eyes bore into mine, his mind filling with multiple visions of the thousands of newborns he had seen through his years. I gritted my teeth at the onslaught of their wild faces, and his thoughts softened. "You promised to keep her far away from temptation," he said quietly.

His eyes moved to Bella then, taking in her swollen form, thinking of the child she carried. He felt I was missing something else, something large and critically important. He looked slowly back at me. "She will not be safe around anyone with human blood." _Think about it, Edward._

I stared back at him, trying to see where he was leading me. _Anyone with human blood. _A feeling of horrified understanding began to seep into me as I processed his meaning. I turned slightly to look where Bella sat talking.

I knew I had foolishly imagined_ this_ Bella, the one I knew, gentle and loving,holding our child. But that Bella would be lost for a while, overruled by the wild cravings of a newborn vampire. The all-consuming, mindless lust for blood.

And our child's heart beats. The scent of human blood probably runs in his veins. Would Bella even be able to be near her own child?

Stricken, I looked back at Jasper, our eyes meeting, melted gold and blackest night. Rosalie gasped, catching on.

"But he craves blood. He's not human," she said in a low voice.

"No," said Jasper. "But close enough to human that his heart beats." Our eyes all turned to stare at Bella now silently. As if sensing our attention, she glanced up and frowned. We turned quickly away.

"Don't say anything to Bella," I hissed. She didn't need to worry about that, not right now. We would worry for her. "We have no idea what is going to happen."

"Maybe it will be different, because it will be her own child," said Alice. I looked at her _Maybe,_ she thought, uncertain, returning my gaze. _Bella is special._ Her face clouded over for a moment, eyes losing focus as she tried to search for a clue to this future. But nothing came. She knew this hope was shallow. We all remembered our own mindless craze of vampire youth. And to have to keep Bella and the baby apart – that would be its own, new kind of torture.

I tried to shake these thoughts off. "We have more immediate concerns, like a safe birth," I said. "And maybe I can talk to Jacob about working with Sam regarding the treaty."

Jasper's grip on my shoulder tightened. "Ok. But you promised Bella, we all did, that we would not let her hurt anyone. We have to go far away from this place, before or after. Even if something can be worked out with the treaty, we must leave as soon as she wakes." His eyes gentled. _I know it is hard, Edward. We will be there to help you, and Bella._ I nodded slightly.

"Charlie will be saying goodbye soon," murmured Alice. I started to move but Rosalie wordlessly pressed a hand to my shoulder, not looking at any of us, and then went into living room. We watched her go.

I glanced out the window at the dense forest surrounding the house. I knew that Jasper was right, although I suspected he was being overly cautious. Still, he knew more about newborn vampires than any of us. But I knew that I didn't want to leave this place, with its silent trees and gray skies, this place where the world finally started to mean something to me. And I knew several of the others didn't want to leave, either. I would keep my promise to Bella, and keep her safe from hurting others, even if that meant moving halfway around the world. Still, inexplicably, I couldn't deny that I harbored a hope that we might be able to work out staying here.

_Edward._ I glanced at Alice. _Are you going to say anything to her? _Her eyes were on Rosalie's stiff back.

_Remember my vision,_ she thought, seeing Rosalie and I embracing in her head.

"I know," I murmured, thinking Alice might, for once, be off base with that one. But I did need to try to clear the air between Rosalie and me, as much as it had ever been.

She had protected Bella, and our child, from me. On one hand, I was enormously grateful for this. But I still couldn't shake the small sliver of anger that remained lodged within me. She had stood in my way, breeding distrust and doubt, when I had feared for the life of my own wife.

But she had been right. Bella had been right. And Rosalie had supported Bella, in a time when I didn't. And I owed her an apology for damning her for that.

Rosalie was standing several feet from the couch, still waiting for Bella to hang up.

I walked quietly over to her and took her arm, turning her towards me. She saw the expression on my face and knew immediately what I was planning to do.

_Don't say anything, Edward,_ she thought, her expression fierce. _You don't need to._

"Rosalie…" I murmured. She placed a hand on my chest and pushed us away from Bella, into the edge of the hall under the stairs.

"Look," she whispered. "We both did what we needed to do."

"But I was wrong," I said quietly. She stared at me for a moment.

"Well, I thought so," she said. _But not everyone did. _Her eyes flickered behind me to Alice and Jasper.

I nodded. That was my fault as well. "I'm sorry, Rosalie."

_I know._

"And I never hated you," I whispered.

"I know that, too," she said softly. _But part of you wanted to_.

I shrugged, slightly. I was sure she must understand how her interference in all this had made me feel. "It seemed, sometimes, that you didn't care about the pain, or danger, to Bella. That was what bothered me the most."

Rosalie eyed me. "It wasn't from callousness, Edward, like you always seem to think." She drew in a long breath, letting it out slowly, her eyes staying on me. "You have always been so much like Carlisle. So compassionate. And now, sometimes, so human. That's Bella's influence." She smiled slightly, glancing over my shoulder at Bella, still on the phone. Her eyes moved back to mine. "Compassion is not an emotion that comes easily to most of us, once we become what we are. My reactions may not always be the same as yours. But it doesn't mean I don't care." She looked at me, her eyes dark and serious. "Bella didn't want my pity, or my sympathy. She wanted my strength."

"I could have lost her, Rose," I whispered. "I still could."

"I didn't think she would die," Rosalie said softly. "Although I knew she was willing to. But I truly thought that she could do it. That we could do it. I still do."

She looked over at Bella again, sighing. "When Bella called me, to ask for my help, I knew, right away, I would help her. Because she needed me, and simply, because I wanted this baby to be born." She nodded slightly, as if confirming the memory. "But as I waited for you and Bella to return, and I realized what she would probably have to sacrifice to have this child, I…" She paused, looking back at me. Her expression was wry. "It's funny, you know, because I was the one who fought hardest against Bella giving up her life, and choosing to become one of us. Well, except for you." She smiled at me briefly. "I said that I would never have chosen this existence for myself. I would not have thrown away my human life. And I have always believed that to be true."

She looked down and studied her hands for a moment, and then returned her gaze to mine, her eyes shimmering darkly. "But when I grasped that Bella would not make it through this human, I realized that I _would_ have given up my own human life to become what I am now, without a second thought, for my own child. I would have chosen exactly as she has. And so, how could I not support her?"

I nodded slowly. Perhaps Bella and I were not the only ones who had been forever altered by this child's unexpected appearance in the world.

Rosalie tilted her head to the side. "I guess I could have been nicer about it, though." She laughed once. "Sorry."

I smiled. "Why start being nice to me now? You never have before."

"Ha, ha," she said, punching me lightly. "Well, you've certainly been outdoing yourself with the doom and gloom."

_True. _"We are quite the pair," I said quietly. "I don't know how Carlisle and Esme have put up with us all these years." I put my hand on her arm. "Seriously, though, Rose, I do apologize. I took out my anger and frustration on you for much that wasn't your fault." I shrugged, with a slight smile. "Maybe I just knew you were probably strong enough to take it."

"I was." Rosalie laughed quietly.

"And thank you for being there for Bella," I said softly.

"My pleasure," she said, smiling, pleased by my words. "Oh, all right, let's make Alice and her damn visions right again." She slid her arm around my back to pull me into a quick hug. I kissed the side of her head and she pushed me away, rolling her eyes, and went over to Bella, who had just gotten off the phone.

Rosalie took Bella to the bathroom. She was shivering when she got back – still running a slight fever. I wrapped her in a blanket on the couch and knelt next to her, rubbing my hands uselessly against her arms to warm her up.

Bella glanced around me and out the front window. She was looking for Jacob. Waiting for him. And, I realized, I felt his absence as well. Somewhere along the way, Jacob had come to mean something to me. For how could anyone who was such a part of Bella not also be a part of me?

In loving Bella, Jacob and I were inexorably bound. We had fought together to protect her. We had fought each other to win her. We had hurt one another with our strengths, and been forced to expose our darkest weaknesses. We'd tried, eventually, to see past deep-rooted prejudice to understand the love that Bella gave to each of us. After all that had passed between us, there was a bond, a sense of brotherhood – at least on my part.

I fiercely regretted the pain and betrayal that had threatened to smother Jacob when he left. I knew he would never believe how much I didn't want to hurt him. How _tired_ I was of hurting him. And now I had betrayed him. His survival through all this hung, as mine had, on hating, blaming, what was inside Bella. And we had been bound together within that hatred, on the same side of an agonizing war. With my acceptance and love of the child, I had, in his mind, stepped to the other side, leaving him even more alone.

But I truly felt that, ultimately, we still wanted the same thing for Bella. For her to survive. I hoped he would come to see that, in the end.

We both stared silently out the window. Bella's eyes were glimmering with tears again, her face pale, guilt stricken. I felt another lash of anger at Leah, and her harsh words. Putting my hand on Bella's, I tried to listen for Jacob's mind, hearing nothing, catching only the whispered thoughts of Seth and Leah – gentle concern and defensive fury. I wondered if he would come back. I thought he would, for Bella. And for his pack. He wouldn't abandon them here – he was too strong of a leader.

And then, the sheer obviousness of the situation emerged before me, and I saw the error of my earlier words to Jasper. I would not talk to Jacob about negotiating with Sam. Because it had never really been Sam's decision, any of this. Any power he possessed came to him by default, gifted by Jacob. Jacob was the true Alpha now. Our treaty was with the tribe, not Sam's pack, and Jacob was the leader of the tribe. Ultimately it would be Jacob's voice that would be heard above all others. If he chose to speak.

And so I would ask Jacob to overrule the treaty. And I would hurt him again, easing the future for Bella and myself by crushing Jacob with this final blow. For so much would be lost to him, either way, in his decision to bless or to curse the woman he loved.

Bella sighed, wiping the tears from her eyes. She picked up my hand, kissing it, and then laid it against her stomach.

"Tell me what he is thinking about," she sighed. I smiled, focusing. The baby was thinking of Bella's recent words on the phone. _I love you, Dad_. Bella's voice, loud, warm and all encompassing. _I love you, Dad._ The baby's thoughts wavered with confusion.

"He's actually trying to figure out who you were talking to before," I murmured. _Edward,_ the baby thought at the sound of my voice. _Edward. _Warmth washed through me.

"Oh," said Bella, surprised. "I guess he doesn't know about phones yet." A look of sadness swept over her eyes. "And he doesn't know Charlie's voice." Her breath hitched slightly. She stroked her stomach, and the baby followed her touch with his mind, the movement like a meteor across the sky. Then suddenly, the vision disappeared, leaving only darkness. Eyes closed. His mind washed with apprehension as the need to move, stretch, overtook him, quickly becoming unstoppable.

"Oh Bella," I whispered, grasping her hand. Confusion flashed over her face and then she groaned, leaning over and clutching her side. Her hair fanned around her face, so I could only see her eyes squeezed shut. Rosalie moved uneasily on the other side of the couch.

"Shh," I murmured, pressing my lips to her body. I turned and pressed my cheek against her. "It's Ok." I felt his mind regain control, reign in his movement, as Bella's muscles relaxed and she slowly lifted her head. I rose up and put my hand on her face, smoothing my thumb over her cheek.

"I'm better," she said, her voice a little rough. I leaned over and kissed her lips.

"This will all be over soon," I murmured, continuing to caress her cheek. "All the pain, all the worry."

The words were barely out of my mouth before my mind created the image that crucified that thought. Bella on a bed, _our_ bed, writhing and thrashing, screaming. _Burning. _Begging for me to make it end. To kill her.

Keeping my hand against her cheek, I bent my head down slightly so Bella could not see my expression, afraid it would give my thoughts away. What would I say when Bella begged me to kill her? _Please, god, Edward. Help me. Make it stop. Please just let me die. _ I clenched my eyes shut against the pain this image caused. And the worst thing was that I knew it would happen. It was what we all did. What we all said. All except for Carlisle.

Bella was quiet, watching me I imagined. I could not bear now, to think of those endless seconds, hours, days of torture for her. And, deservedly, for me. For my existence would be paused during that time - I would be with her every moment, suffer with her, care for her. I would not go forward until we could do it together.

I slowly lifted my head, hoping my eyes did not betray me. There was no reason to burden her with these thoughts now. I reached up and stroked her cheek again gently. She sighed and closed her eyes, pressing against my hand. She was tired. I moved my hand into her soft hair, feeling the silky strands weave through my fingers, and gently cradled her head against my chest.

"You are so beautiful," I whispered. "The most beautiful thing in the whole world." _The whole universe._ She smiled slightly, eyes still closed.

"I don't feel beautiful these days. I feel huge."

I kissed her lips, silencing her. "Beautiful," I murmured against her skin, wrapping my arm around her. She lay with her head in my arms, growing heavier as she drifted off. Then her eyes opened, dreamy and clear, holding a million memories, and my heart.

"You're going to be a wonderful father, Edward," she said peacefully. Then her eyes closed again and she drifted back off.

I sat still, looking down at her relaxed face, stunned by her unexpected words. _Father. _The word was at once exhilarating, and terrifying. I thought of the day Esme had said similar words to me, and of the dark denial that had eclipsed my thoughts. The certain knowledge that a monster such as me would never be a father. It was something that could not even be dreamed of or considered – a lost human possibility buried down in the deep recesses of what would be forever denied.

But I _was_ his father, despite all my reservations. The love I felt for this small being I had never met was so utterly unique. And I knew, if fate graced us and Bella and I remained here on this earth, that I did want to be a good father. I just had no idea how to do that. When I was human, I had expected one day I would have a family. It was the natural way of things, in my time. But I had long since abandoned a human life– my very existence mocked all that was good and natural to mankind. I had spent so many years as a monster. Was I too long removed from humanity to shoulder the stunning responsibility of caring for someone so young?

My thoughts turned to the symbols of fatherhood I held in my life. Usually I thought of Carlisle, essentially my father through these long years, when I reflected upon the ideals, the values, I longed to uphold. But in this case it was my human father who was drawn into my mind. My memories of him were faded, blurry, and not nearly as clear as those of my mother. I felt a little sad that I had clung so much harder to my mother's memories than his, holding close pictures of her face, of a few meaningful moments. The vision of my father's face was unfocused, and what I remembered was more vague. He was kind and strong, creating a blanket of safety that hung over our home. He protected and provided for my mother and myself. But beyond that, it was all clouded by the shroud of a time lost forever.

I lowered Bella carefully onto the pillow. Then I lay my head gently against Bella's body and wrapped my arms around her stomach, almost as if I was holding him in my arms. The cover of my body turned the baby's world to midnight, and he swam in the dark waters. He was replaying dozens of our words during the day over in his head, turning them around, learning and loving at the same time. Safe. Content. But tomorrow, he would no longer be swathed in the safety of Bella's body.

I felt abruptly, utterly, inadequate.

Alice was approaching. She stood over me for a second, and then I felt her hand on my head, slowly stroking my hair.

"I don't know how to be a father," I whispered, not looking at her.

She continued to stroke my head. _You will have to figure it out, like everyone else. And I know you will. _She leaned down and kissed my head. _I have complete and utter faith in you. _ Her hand remained, still, against my hair for another moment, and then she quietly walked away.

I would have to figure it out, to learn how to fit into this role of father. I had learned how to be with Bella, something that had also, once, seemed impossible. Unattainable. But I had hurt her, badly, along the way. Was I destined to make those same mistakes again?

My arms clung to Bella's body. I could feel the baby's movements reverberating throughout my body, and I remembered the utter revulsion I felt the first time I had felt him move inside Bella. I shuddered, feeling a sharp stab of remorse, and I knew that I never, _never,_ wanted hurt either of them again. Lying here, wrapped up with both of them, I was suddenly overwhelmed by how much was at stake. How much there was to be gained, and how much to be lost, in the next 24 hours. How I would protect the two most important things in my world?

I rose abruptly, and began to pace the room. I felt Rosalie's eyes follow me as I moved swiftly back and forth. I was responsible for their safety, and I needed to be clinical, thinking and planning to get them both through this delivery, exploring every possible angle. I felt that, if handled with care, delivering the baby should be successful. But there had to be something more we could do to ensure Bella's safety. We didn't really know how long it would take to get the baby out, and how much damage to Bella's body would be done during the procedure. The greatest danger during that time would be blood loss, and stress on the heart. Bella was already weak, worn down by sickness, dehydration and malnutrition, pain. Although she had improved over the last couple of days by drinking blood, there was no way to know what the damage had been to her heart and health in general. How much could her body take during the birth? How long would her heart hold on?

The goal would be to find the fastest routes to get the venom to the heart. And to keep her heart beating. For once in the heart, the venom would begin its healing, if you could call it that, and then would spread quickly around the body. Along with saving her, it would make the process quicker.

So how to get the venom as directly as possible into the heart? _Directly into the heart, _I mused. An idea occurred to me…

"Oh!" Alice's loud gasp shattered my thoughts. Grabbing at her mind, I saw, in an instant, what she had seen, as she struggled to hang onto the vision.

The faintest flicker, blurring out so fast it was barely an image. _Bella._ She is standing in front of something. A window. _No – a mirror_. Pale blue covers her slim body. There is a tangible difference to her, to her face. The hue of red flashes by her eyes. And then she is gone.

I was upstairs and on Alice in a second. She was standing, frozen, in the third floor hallway.

"What was it, Alice?" I demanded. "How did you see it?"

Her eyes refocused, finding my face.

"I don't know," she breathed slowly. She tried to replay it in her head, but the image was so brief it was fading beyond her grasp.

"Try and see more," I said desperately, reaching out to grab her arms with my hands.

Her focus wavered, as she searched for a future that would not materialize. Now she could only see a painfully unfocused vision of Bella still asleep on the couch minutes from now. "Oh," she groaned, squeezing her eyes shut, her head splitting with the effort. She tried to lower her head into her hands, but I held her arms tight.

"Keep trying," I begged. "Try again, Alice, try." I was wild, consumed. A vision of Bella, no longer pregnant. I was sure of it. And the red eyes. Where was she? Where was I? _Where was the baby?_

Suddenly, steel hands gripped my shoulders from behind.

"Hands off her, Edward," snapped Jasper, voice like ice. I looked down blankly at my hands. They were squeezing too hard into Alice's upper arms, my fingers buried in her skin. I let go quickly, and Jasper pulled me back, stepping between us.

"I'm sorry, Alice," I said quietly. She shook her head, rubbing her arms absently with her hands.

"No, it's all right, Edward," she said, her face pensive. "I wish I could have seen more, held the vision for a fraction longer."

"What did you see, Alice?" asked Jasper, wrapping an arm around her.

"Bella," she said simply, catching my eyes. "But it's gone now." Alice looked down, her mind frustrated. She let Jasper lead her away down the hall, face looking worn and tired.

I stood, unmoving, watching her go. She was frustrated, but I felt my determination speeding ahead. It was the first real vision of Bella Alice had seen since we left Isle Esme. It was extremely concerning that it had been so unclear, disappearing so quickly, but it was also a small, radiant glimmer of hope. _Bella alive. Bella safe._ I thought about my final thoughts before the vision had appeared. I finally turned, going down the stairs to the second floor and into Carlisle's office. I closed the door quietly behind me.

I looked in a couple of drawers before I found what I was looking for. I picked up the steel syringe, holding it in my palm. Carlisle had ordered it, had it over-nighted to the house soon after we returned home, still hoping he would have a chance to do an amniocentesis. He'd wanted something strong enough to hopefully penetrate the casing around the womb, and also able to withstand any vampiric-like fluid that might be obtained. I wondered if it would be strong enough to withstand my venom. I planned to find out.

I wasn't sure if Carlisle would approve of this idea. It was not considered standard medical practice, not that the human medical community had ever even considered the concept of how best to get vampire venom straight to the heart. I considered calling him first, and asking his opinion. But part of me wanted to work on this idea on my own. See if I could even prepare the syringe. I could discuss my plan with him tomorrow.

I stood in Carlisle's office, syringe lying in my hand, feeling abruptly uncomfortable. I would need to produce venom for this to work. It seemed absurd, as I knew I was terribly thirsty, but now, when I needed the typical response to that thirst, my mouth felt permanently dry. My body had too long grown accustomed to denying its needs. I would need something vivid. Something in my mind to provoke the monster. I closed my eyes.

I pushed away any thoughts of the scent of human blood, thinking Bella wouldn't like that, instead concentrating on the hunt. The noiseless, stealth movements through the forest, towards the far off scent of a beating heart. Faster and faster, the wind whispering against me, the trees glowing in the night. So close now, the pulsing of blood thundering through me, the scent thick and alive. I am on him, his claws entrenched, helpless, in the dirt by the force of my contact, his screech lost to my thoughts. Razor teeth slicing through to the source that inexorably calls me. And then, the rush of warm blood, drenching my burning throat, a divine elixir, pumping into to me with each dying beat of his heart.

I opened my eyes. Venom pooled, searing and fresh, in my mouth. I carefully took the syringe and placed the tip in my mouth under my tongue, pulling back the plunger to fill the steel barrel. I removed it from my mouth, and carefully wiped the needle clean. I lay the syringe down on a tray of gleaming, clean medical equipment.

I stared at it silently for a long time, trying to accept the reality that I planned to ram this needle full of my venom into Bella's heart. And that I hoped somehow, in this backwards world of monsters and fractured fairytales, it would be what saved her.

I caught the far out wisp of a familiar mind. Jacob was speeding back towards the house. Back to Bella.

_Three and a half more days,_ he thought. _And here I am, wasting that little bit of time._

I sighed. For me, three and a half days was too long, too dangerous, and for Jacob, it was not nearly enough. And so now I would betray him again, taking away what little time he thought was left, leaving him nothing. Almost nothing.

Taking a final look at the steel syringe, I turned and left the office. I would go outside to meet Jacob.

We had much to discuss.


	18. Rising

_Sorry I wasn't able to get this chapter out before the holiday as planned – I eventually had to accept that I wasn't going to get it finished and be able to get all my Christmas shopping done! It turned out to be a long one – I hope you enjoy it._

_The reviews are incredible. You guys are amazing. If you haven't reviewed yet, let me know what you think - I know there are lots of people out there getting alerts :)_

_Songs for this chapter:_

In Your Eyes, _Peter Gabriel_

One, _U2_

Who Wants to Live Forever, _Queen_

_Thank you to Beta lada_8 for her help as always!  
_

_Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight._

* * *

I kissed Bella lightly on the forehead on my way out to the garage. She was asleep, her face peaceful.

"I'll be right back," I murmured to Rosalie.

She nodded, and then laid a hand on my arm. _I don't want to have to leave here, not yet._

"I know," I whispered. "I'll talk to him."

_Ok. _She smiled slightly._ Give him hell for that tirade by his she-bitch._

I snorted, and then headed out the front door.

_Coming outside to rat on me, are you, bloodsucker?_ I could see Leah's eyes far down the drive, glinting.

_Aww, shut up, Leah,_ thought Seth.

"I wouldn't have to talk to Jacob about you if you didn't act like such a child," I muttered.

_Bite me._ Leah snarled.

"Oh, gladly,"I said softly. _You have no idea._

_Come on, guys,_ moaned Seth.

"Sorry, Seth." I knew I shouldn't let Leah get to me, but just the sight of her kindled my temper. I headed for the garage before Jacob's car came around the corner. I watched it roll down the drive, around the house and into the garage. Jacob's eyes flashed at me, surprised and annoyed to find me waiting.

"A few things, Jacob," I murmured as soon as he turned off the car. Jacob's mouth grew very tight, and he took a long breath before slowly getting out of the car. He tossed me the keys. I did not ask him where he had been, and he was not thinking about it.

"Thanks for the loan," he said, voice bitter. _Apparently it will have to be repaid. _"What do you want now?"

I took a breath. I would start with the simplest. It was easier to be mad at Jacob, or mad at one of his pack, then to hurt him.

"Firstly," I muttered. "I know how averse you are to using your authority with your pack, but…"

Jacob stared at me, shocked by this line of conversation. He hadn't seen this coming.

"What?"

"If you can't or won't control Leah, then I…"

"Leah?" Jacob spoke through gritted teeth. "What happened?"

I thought about her standing in my house, _our _house, shrieking at Bella. Hurting her. "She came up to see why you'd left so abruptly. I tried to explain. I suppose it might not have come out right."

"What did she do?" asked Jacob.

"She phased to her human form and…"

"Really?" Jacob interrupted, surprised.

"She wanted to" - Tear to pieces? Humiliate? - "_speak_ to Bella."

"To _Bella?"_ said Jacob incredulously, not catching on.

_Yes, dammit. _Bella's heartbroken, guilty face swam in front of my eyes, and my temper began simmer over. "I won't let Bella be upset like that again! I don't care how justified Leah thinks she is. I didn't hurt her – of course I wouldn't." Jasper, however, I couldn't vouch for. "But I'll throw her out of the house if it happens again. I'll launch her right across the river…"

"Hold on." Jacob was still not following. "What did she say?"

Leah's words to Bella rang in my ears. _I don't know what to make of you – if you are delusional, cruel, or just plain heartless like the blood sucking vampire you want to become! _My muscles were tensing, my anger pricking at my instincts. I pulled in a deep breath, trying to regain full control.

"Leah was unnecessarily harsh. I'm not going to pretend that I understand why Bella is unable to let go of you, but I do know that she does not behave this way to hurt you. She suffers a great deal over the pain she's inflicting on you, and on me, by asking you to stay. What Leah said was uncalled for. Bella's been crying-"

"Wait," Jacob said, holding up his hand. Understanding crept into his expression. "Leah was yelling at Bella about _me_?"

Was he so blind to the regard she held for him? "You were quite vehemently championed."

"I didn't ask her to do that." Jacob's voice was soft. Surprised.

"I know." Obviously.

_Of course he knows,_ thought Jacob. _He knows everything._ He was shocked – maybe even a little touched, I thought irritably – that Leah had come to his defense, in her human form no less.

"I can't promise to control Leah," he said. "I won't do that."

My teeth gritted together. He needed to step up on this one.

"But I'll talk to her, okay?" he went on, watching my expression. "And I don't think there'll be a repeat. Leah's not one to hold back, so she probably got it all off her chest today."

"I would say so," I muttered.

"Anyway, I'll talk to Bella about it, too. She doesn't need to feel bad. This one's on me."

"I already told her that," I snapped.

"Of course you did. Is she okay?"

"She's sleeping now. Rose is with her."

_So, the psycho is "Rose" now. He's completely crossed over to the dark side._ I ignored this. It wasn't worth trying to explain, although I didn't think I needed to tell Jacob how strong the bonds of family, blood or otherwise, could run.

"She's…" - I thought of Bella's smiles, her anticipation of tomorrow, her peaceful, sleeping face – "better in some ways. Aside from Leah's tirade and the resulting guilt."

_Better. Because Edward can hear the monster and everything is all lovey-dovey now. Fantastic._

I cringed inwardly at the bitter hate behind the word _monster_. I knew it was just an echo of my own voice only 12 hours ago. Jacob would not be able to understand my feelings toward the child now, and I didn't expect him to have to. But he needed to understand the importance of my being able to hear the baby's thoughts, beyond just cultivating my acceptance.

"It's a bit more than that," I said softly. "Now that I can make out the child's thoughts, it's apparent that he…" – it was disconcerting, how much I assumed it was a boy – "or she has remarkably developed mental facilities. He can understand us, to an extent."

Jacob's eyes widened with shock. "Are you _serious_?"

_Deathly._ "Yes. He seems to have a vague sense of what hurts her now. He's trying to avoid that, as much as possible. He…" I paused, wondering if this would just make him angry. But surely Jacob must appreciate what the child's feelings would be towards Bella? "He loves her. Already."

Jacob swallowed hard, his face very still. _This is what has changed Edward, _he thought. _The monster has convinced him of this love. He can't hate what loves Bella._

That was probably true. Not hating something, someone, though, is different than loving them. That that child loved Bella may have convinced me not to hate him, but it was his own gentle wonder that lead me to love him, as well.

_That's why he can't hate me, either._ Jacob remained motionless, although deep strain showed behind his eyes. _There's a big difference, though. I'm not killing her._

My hands clenched. The child was_ not _trying to kill Bella. But I didn't want to argue this point with Jacob. There was more he needed to know. Something I had to try to explain.

"The progress, I believe, is more than we'd judged. When Carlisle returns-"

"They're not back?" Jacob said suddenly. I was disturbed to see an image in his mind of Sam and Jared watching him drive past on the road. Maybe it had been foolish to let him go.

"Alice and Jasper are. Carlisle sent all the blood he was able to acquire, but it wasn't as much as he was hoping for. Bella will use up this supply in another day the way her appetite has grown. Carlisle stayed to try another source." I took a small breath before I went on. "I don't think it is necessary now, but he wants to be covered for any eventuality."

"Why isn't it necessary?" Jacob asked. "If she needs more?"

I felt tightness in the back of my throat. I wasn't sure what his reaction would be. Bad enough that I had done this to Bella, in his mind. Bad enough that I now loved what we'd both once hated. And now, I was going to hasten her human death, rip away what little future he still clung too.

"I'm trying to persuade Carlisle to deliver the baby as soon as he is back," I said softly.

Jacob's face visibly stiffened and paled. His heartbeat picked up, and I could smell the sweat on his palms. "What?" he choked out.

"The child seems to be attempting to avoid rough movements, but it is difficult." I tried to keep my voice even, gentle. "He's become too big. It's madness to wait, when he's clearly developed beyond what Carlisle had guessed." We'd had no other measure to use at the time but that for a human child, for something that obviously was not. But we could correct that, before it was too late. "Bella's too fragile to delay."

Jacob's breath sped up, hitching slightly. _First, I counted on Edward's hatred of the thing, _he thought. _Now I realize I counted on those fours days as well._

Pain tore through him like jagged glass, so much more the worse because he could only foresee certain death. The future receded, giving way to only suffering, and heartache. _An endless ocean of grief is waiting for me, _he thought in despair. _Stretching out before me._

_I'm sorry, Jacob,_ I thought. I wanted to give him some hope, some relief from the agony, by telling him I wasn't going to let Bella die. That I had a plan. That I was going to save her – save them both, but he wouldn't care about the baby.

I stayed silent, though, afraid he might see these words as even more of a betrayal. That he might consider my hope a lie.

But Jacob surprised me, reading my face. "You think she's gong to make it," he whispered.

"Yes," I said softly. But not human – and I was sure he knew that, by now. Did he see what that act was leading to? "That was the other thing I wanted to talk to you about."

Jacob stared at me silently for a moment. I went on. "Yes," I repeated. "Waiting, as we have been, for the child to be ready, that was insanely dangerous. At any moment it could have been too late. But if we're proactive about this, if we act quickly, I see no reason why it should not go well. Knowing the child's mind is unbelievably helpful. Thankfully, Bella and Rosalie agree with me. Now that I've convinced them it's safe for the child if we proceed, there's nothing to keep this from working."

"When will Carlisle be back?" Jacob's voice was barely audible. He was still reeling from the loss of time – and he didn't even know how little time was left. I laid down one more cruel blow.

"By noon tomorrow," I whispered.

Jacob's legs gave out under the weight of the shock. He grabbed at the car to catch himself – I reached out to give him support, and then dropped my hand. His pain ached through me. I wanted to support him. Give him strength. But he didn't want anything from me. I had done nothing but bring pain and ruin to his life. I'd left him no choice but to hate me.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly. "I am truly sorry for the pain this causes you, Jacob. Though you hate me, I must admit that I don't feel the same about you. I think of you as a…" What word expressed the connection I felt towards Jacob? "A brother in many ways." _Ahh, but he would hate that_. "A comrade in arms, at the very least. I regret your suffering more than you realize. But Bella is going to survive and I know that's what really matters to you."

Jacob was staring at me, eyes haunted. All he wanted to do was give into the grief. I knew I should just leave him alone, but I couldn't.

"I hate to do this now, while you're already dealing with too much, but, clearly, there is little time. I have to ask you for something – to beg, if I must."

Yes, it was worth that much, I suddenly realized. And this was not just about avoiding breaking the treaty with the pack, or giving us some precious time before moving, but also about trying not to betray Jacob again if I could avoid it. To give him some power over the future. As terrible as this decision would be for him to make, if he chose correctly, if he gave us the permission to deviate from the treaty, maybe he might also give himself the permission to one day accept Bella. Perhaps if he didn't feel bound by the treaty, by the duty to his people, to hate and kill Bella, then eventually he might be able to ease the future hate in his heart, and see a little of the girl he had once loved.

"I don't have anything left," Jacob said, his voice rough.

I reached up my hand to take his shoulder, much as I would have with one of my brothers in a time such as this. But it fell again. Jacob did not want to be my brother.

_I'm sorry, again and again, _I thought. _But you do have something left, Jacob_. In taking away the time Jacob had counted on, I had taken away _almost_ everything. He'd given his heart, his love, his peace of mind, his home, his family – he'd sacrificed so much to love and protect Bella, far more than me. But now I needed something else from him.

"I know how much you have given," I said softly. "But this is something you _do _have, and only you. I'm asking this of the true Alpha, Jacob. I'm asking this of Ephraim's heir."

Jacob stared at me silently, eyes deep pools of loss.

"I want your permission to deviate from what we agreed to in our treaty with Ephraim. I want you to grant us an exception. I want your permission to save her life. You know I'll do it anyway, but I don't want to break faith with you if there is any way to avoid it. We never intended to go back on our word, and we don't do it lightly now. I want your understanding, Jacob, because you know exactly why we do this. I want the alliance between our families to survive when this is over."

_Sam. It's Sam you want._

"No. Sam's authority is assumed. It belongs to you. You'll never take it from him, but no one can rightfully agree to what I'm asking except for you."

_It's not my decision._ He didn't want to be burdened with this right now, and I hated myself for heaving it onto him. But it _was_ up to him.

"It is, Jacob, and you know it. Your word on this will condemn us or absolve us. Only you can give this to me."

_I can't think. I don't know._

"We don't have much time." I glanced at the house – I had heard Jasper's thoughts earlier. I knew he was planning to push Carlisle to arrange for the move as soon as Bella woke. Jacob's word on this would buy some relief from the pressure to go, if the treaty held. Plus, if we were forced to change Bella before Jacob decided – what might be lost?

_I don't know. Let me think. Just give me a minute here, okay?_

"Yes," I said. _Of course._ It did nothing for either of us to rush him, push him. We had at least until tomorrow to get everything settled. Jacob started to walk back toward the house, and I walked next to him. Leah had taken off on patrol, but Seth was still waiting by the edge of the lawn for Jacob. He pushed out into the open when we drew close.

"Hey kid," said Jake.

_You okay, Jake? _Seth thought, wondering what had occurred between us in the garage. He glanced momentarily at me.

_Sorry about earlier, Edward. _His eyes flickered to the house. _Is Bella OK? _I gave him a swift nod, and he swung his muzzle up towards Jacob.

"S'all cool," Jacob said, a strained, false note to his voice that brought a flash of worry to Seth's mind. "I'll tell you about it later. Sorry to take off on you like that."

_Nothing to worry about, _Seth thought, pulling back his lips to expose his teeth in imitation of a smile. _As long as you are all right._

"Hey, tell your sister to back off now, okay? Enough."

_Of course, O' Masterful One,_ thought Leah irritably, several miles out on patrol.

Seth winced and nodded._ I'll try._

Jacob leaned against Seth's broad body. "Get back to work. I'll spell you in a bit."

Seth gave him a small shove back. _I love you, man,_ he thought before heading back out into the woods.

"He has one of the purest, sincerest, kindest minds I've every heard," I said softly. "You're lucky to have his thoughts to share."

"I know that," Jacob muttered.

I suddenly heard the sound of liquid being drawn through a straw. _Dammit._ I had been gone too long, leaving Bella to wake up with me gone. I cursed my thoughtlessness as I moved swiftly into the house.

Bella was sitting up on the couch, a cup with a straw in her hand, cheeks slightly pink. She glanced up and smiled at me as I came through the door. Rosalie was standing behind the couch and Alice was sitting on the bottom step, Jasper on the step behind her, his hands kneading her shoulders. He eyed me speculatively, having been able to catch some of my conversation with Jacob, but unable to hear his unsaid responses.

_Where is he?_ Alice thought petulantly, her eyes on me. _I know he's coming, I feel better by the second._

I tipped my head towards the door, and then started towards Bella.

_Should we tell her about the vision? _Alice wondered for a second. I paused, taken aback. Yes, we should tell Bella. It was her life, her future. But I wondered if the fact that the vision was so fleeting would worry her. And would I tell them what I thought had prompted the vision? My mind strayed to the silver syringe upstairs, and an involuntary shudder went through me. Thank god Carlisle would be here to help me with this – I would need him badly.

I moved quickly over to Bella and sat down on the floor next to her, kissing her softly on the lips. I felt a burning tingle in the back of my throat. As controlled as my responses were to Bella's scent, the smell of someone else's blood on her breath was so odd, disconcerting.

"Bella, love," I murmured, running my fingers through her hair. "I thought you were sleeping. I'm sorry, I wouldn't have left."

"Don't worry," she said, smiling and turning her head to kiss my hand. "I just got so thirsty – it woke me up. It's a good thing Carlisle is bringing more. This kid is going to need it when he gets out of me."

I stared at her, slightly dumbfounded. "True," I said slowly. "That's a good point." She was absolutely right. Why would the child's cravings changed once he was out? Rosalie rolled her eyes at my surprised expression.

_What the heck did you think I was going to put in the bottle I made, Edward, _she thought sarcastically. _Milk? _ I read in her thoughts that she had already filled the one metal receptacle with blood, and had plans to create another. I felt slightly frustrated and embarrassed by my ignorance – not only had I not thought how to feed the baby, I hadn't even thought what to feed him.

"I wonder if he'll want anything else," Bella said reflectively. I looked at her, considering. Could a being crave blood like my kind, and food like a human? Was such a thing possible?

"I suppose we will find out," I said slowly. Jacob was climbing the front stairs, and he stepped slowly into the house.

"Finally," muttered Alice. Bella's face lit with a brilliant smile as her eyes turned from mine towards Jacob. But as she saw his face her expression was quickly mangled with guilt and regret.

_I want to punch Leah right in her stupid mouth,_ thought Jacob, watching her expression fall. I couldn't have agreed more.

"Hey Bells," Jacob said quickly, anxious to show her all was okay. "How ya doing?"

"I'm fine," she said, her voice breaking slightly. I took her hand and held it.

"Big day today, huh?" Jacob went on, his voice falsely bright. "Lots of new stuff."

"You don't have to do that, Jacob," Bella said softly.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Jacob went to sit on the arm of the couch.

"I'm so s-" Jacob reached out and lightly held her lips together, silencing her apology. I leaned back, giving them space, fighting the natural urge to push his hand from her.

"Jake," she mumbled through closed lips.

"You can talk when you're not being stupid," Jake said. I gauged Bella's expression – she was determined to apologize.

"Fine, I won't say it." Her voice was garbled. Jake pulled his hand back. "Sorry!" she said, smiling. He smiled down, drinking in her eyes, falling into their depths.

_I see everything that I was looking for in the park,_ he thought despondently. Suddenly his mind was filled with an endless sea of people, girls. Girls with no faces. He had been to the park, trying to find someone he might imprint on, the only thing, he thought, that could end this agony.

Pain filled my chest, and I ached for him, and this impossible, unattainable love he held in his heart. He may never be free of it - it was too much a part of him. She was too much a part of him. Imprinting may be the only way he could ever move on, and I was saddened by the desperate, fruitlessness of his search today. How badly, I realized, I wanted him to find that – not to keep him from Bella, as I had once hoped, but to save him.

_Tomorrow, she will be someone else. But hopefully alive, and that was what counted, right?_

_Yes, Jacob. Yes, _I thought desperately. It's all we both really want, ultimately. _Do the right thing, Jacob_. For Bella, for me. For you.

_Tomorrow, she'll be my enemy. Or she'll be my ally. Apparently, that distinction is up to me._

I waited, still, for his decision. His eyes met mine so briefly, and then went back home, back to Bella.

_Fine!_ _Go ahead. Save her. As Ephraim's heir, you have my permission, my word, that this will not violate the treaty. The others will just have to blame me. You were right – they can't deny that it's my right to agree to this._

Relief washed through me, followed by overwhelming gratitude, and fervent pride for Jacob's strength. "Thank you," I whispered, my voice emotional. Alice, Jasper and Rosalie's eyes shot towards me.

_What did he agree to? _Jasper thought. _Is this to do with the treaty?_ I shook him off slightly with my head. We could discuss this later, when Jacob had left.

"Rose?" Bella said suddenly, her voice uncomfortable.

"Again?" said Rose, smiling gently.

"I think I've drunk two gallons in the last hour," Bella said, blushing slightly. I stood up to let Rose in to pick her up.

"Can I walk?" Bella asked. "My legs are so stiff."

I felt a pang of unease. She was so fragile. I didn't want her falling, or straining herself. "Are you sure?" I asked.

"Rose'll catch me if I trip over my feet. Which could happen pretty easily, since I can't see them."

_I won't let her fall, Edward,_ Rose thought, slowly setting Bella onto her feet, her hands hovering ready next to her. Bella stretched her body.

"That feels good." She sighed. "Ugh, but I'm huge. One more day." She patted her stomach gently. "All rightly then," she said, looking towards the bathroom.

A slight movement caught my eye. Bella's cup was falling over. Rosalie reached out to grab it.

"I've got it," I murmured, reaching to pick it up. Jacob had reached for it as well.

"Whoops—oh, no!" I glanced up as Bella bent unsteadily towards the cup.

As she bent, something soft, some living, fragile tissue, ripped within Bella's body, a slow, torturous sound that drowned out every other noise in the room. The sound was so wrong, so dangerously out of place in her body.

"Oh," she gasped, and I watched in horror as her body went completely limp. Rosalie caught her.

"Bella?" I asked. And then a mind barraged its way into mine, so strong, so out of control in its utter panic, its madness, that it overtook all my thoughts. The world went dark before my eyes as stifling panic flushed through me, and blinding weight pressed on me from every direction.

My mouth and lungs felt full, heavy. _I'm suffocating_, I thought desperately. _Can't breathe!_ Suffocating. _Can't breathe. Help me. Must get OUT!_

My limbs jerked and Bella's scream tore through me, gouging through every cell in my body as I writhed and struggled and couldn't breathe.

_Edward! _Alice was shrieking in my head. _Edward, come back!_ I blinked, and as the final piercing note of Bella's scream died in her throat, I came plummeting back into my own body.

My eyes were focused directly on Bella's limp body as she lay in Rosalie's arms. _Must get out!_ Her body spasmed, jerked forward, and blood poured out of her mouth. I watched, suspended in horror, as Bella's body began to thrash, her body emitting the horrid sound of bones and muscle snapping and breaking.

_Can't breath! Can't breath. Help!_ Help. Help. My god, I needed to move, help. This was it. My mind finally processed what was happening. The baby was in trouble, and he was hurting Bella in his panic. We needed to deliver him, or they would both die.

"Get her upstairs," I yelled, my voice speeding out of control. Rosalie scooped her up and headed towards the stairs. _Help, help, help!_ I struggled against the words, the panic. "He's got to come out, now!"

Rosalie hissed. "What should I do?"

"Morphine," I shouted. We need to get the morphine into her. We were halfway up the stairs. Jacob was following. I almost yelled at him to go back before I was sucked into the madness again. _Can't breath. Can't breath._ Limbs thrashed, trying to escape the darkness, breaking, pounding. I shook my head desperately.

_Oh my god, oh my god, _thought Rosalie. _Carlisle's not here!_ _What do we do? _

"Alice – get Carlisle on the phone," she screamed. Alice and Jasper finally moved. They whipped up the stairs behind us, Alice pulling out her phone as she dragged Jasper, who was coming undone, down the opposite hall to the bedroom.

We finally reached the office. I snapped on the operating lights. I grabbed a small syringe off the tray and pulled the bottle of morphine from the cabinet. Plunging in the needle, I pulled the plunger back. _Help me!_ My body jerked in panic, and the needle snapped. Too hard, oh god. Idiot! Trying to block out the baby's desperate pleas, I grabbed another needle, moderating more carefully, and successfully filled it. I turned to see Bella naked on the table. I carefully inserted the needle into her arm and pushed the plunger. How many minutes until the morphine took effect? Why wasn't my mind working?

"What's happening, Edward?" gasped Rosalie.

"He's suffocating," I said desperately. _Can't breath. _Dying, dying, both of them, right in front of us.

_Suffocating? _Rosalie thought in surprise. _It was the ripping when she bent over._ "The placenta must have detached," she cried.

"Get him out!" Bella shrieked suddenly, conscious again, realizing what was happening. "He can't breath! Do it now!" Her eyes spun wild, out of control with the strength of her scream.

_Not yet. Can't cut her yet_, my mind screamed in return. "The morphine—" I growled.

"No! Now!" And then blood poured out her mouth, choking her. I lifted her head quickly, turning it slightly and reaching my finger into the back of her mouth to scoop out what blood I could. _Both suffocating. They can't breath. _Bella's body continued to jerk and thrash, destruction being reined from within. The sound, the sight of it was a jagged, cruel nightmare. She was fading in and out of consciousness. _Oh god, she must be in so much pain._

Alice appeared at the door holding the blue tooth. "Hold on, Carlisle," she murmured. She glanced at me, holding up Bella's head. I shook my head.

"Can't let go," I whispered desperately. She darted over and snapped the earpiece on Rosalie, never taking her eyes of off Bella's jerking, thrashing, blood stained body.

_Bella, Bella, Bella, _she thought, backing out. _Where is your future? Oh, Bella. _There were no images of the blue clad Bella in her mind now. There was no image of Bella at all.

"Carlisle, help, what do I do?" Rosalie hissed into the phone.

"Where's Edward?" Carlisle said.

"Holding up her head – she's vomiting blood. We think the placenta has detached, and the baby needs to get out now. He's…" Her voice caught slightly. "He's breaking every bone in her body. They are both dying."

Carlisle hissed. "Then you will need to do this, Rosalie." I heard him take a quick breath, and his voice became steady and clipped. Professional. "Has she been administered morphine?"

"Yes," said Rosalie.

"Give it about 2 minutes to spread. We are going to use a midline longitudinal incision such as for an emergency c-section. Do you remember the pictures we looked at?"

"I do."

"Choose the large scalpel. Start your incision just below her navel, and make a quick, clean cut to just above the bladder. You will be cutting through skin, fat and muscle. You must moderate your strength, Rosalie. You can not penetrate the womb, it is too strong, but you could injure Bella. Do you understand?"

"Yes," Rosalie snapped.

_I should be doing this!_ I thought in desperation. _She has absolutely no experience with this. She's going to hurt Bella._ I turned to ask Jacob to take Bella's head for me, when Rosalie reached for the scalpel, and I saw her intentions in her mind. She wasn't waiting.

I whipped back towards her. "Let the morphine spread!" I yelled at her. It had only been 30 seconds. Her arm continued, unabated, toward Bella's stomach, the scalpel in her hand.

"There's no time," she hissed. "He's dying!"

_God damn her, _I thought furiously. But then Bella coughed and choked on more blood. They were both dying. We needed to do something, now, and I could only hope the morphine's numbing effect was ahead of the pain.

Rosalie inserted the scalpel into Bella, and her body jerked in response to the pain. _Oh, no. _The blood pooled beneath the skin poured out of the incision.

_Too much blood,_ thought Rosalie.

I glanced up sharply. What did she mean? Had she cut Bella too deeply? She was frozen, staring down at the incision.

_Too much blood!_ Her thoughts screamed at me as her mind began to slip away, and I realized what was happening. Her thoughts splintered as thirst tore at her throat. Burning fire seared through her, and instincts too long suppressed raged forward. As her lips pulled back and she succumbed to the need, she threw one last rational thought at me. _Help me, Edward. Please._

"No, Rose!" I cried.

"Rosalie?" Carlisle yelled into the phone.

_We're coming, Edward!_ Alice and Jasper were flying down the hall towards us. I glanced down at Bella. She was barely breathing, even with her head propped up. I couldn't put her down. I calculated if I let go of her head, I would have about enough time to land one crashing blow to Rosalie and then catch her before her head fell. Hopefully it would be enough to stave Rose off until Alice and Jasper came. I lifted Bella's head up as high as I could, readying my body.

And then Jacob was flying across the table, smashing into Rosalie and slamming his hand into her face. _No, Jacob, she'll kill you! _But Rosalie struggled to break through, to help, willing her limbs still and keeping her body stiff so that he was able to propel her across the room. His blood tinged the air as he was injured somehow.

_We're here,_ Alice thought from the hall right outside the door. And then Jasper froze before her, as the scent, like a wall of blood, hit him full force. Alice let out a small screen as a vision flashed in her head of Jasper holding out his blood stained hands in front of him. She whipped in front of him, pressing her hands on his chest. "Go," she cried. "Go back." He turned and stumbled away.

Jacob continued to grip Rosalie's face, and he began to swing her body out. His foot pulled back to kick her.

_Make it count, dog,_ Rosalie thought. His foot slammed into her stomach, and she took it full force, sliding across the floor and smashing into the door frame. I heard Carlisle shout "Edward, we're coming," before the blue-tooth smashed and broke.

_Got her,_ thought Alice, her hands on Rosalie's throat, her mind steeled to do whatever it would take to stop her. But Rosalie was passive. Alice clutched her, their throats burning in painful unison.

"Alice, get her out of here!" I yelled. "Take her to Jasper and keep her there." As Alice dragged her out, I turned in desperate realization, and my eyes bore down on Jacob. Rosalie was gone. Carlisle was gone. No Alice by my side. It was just me and him. Perhaps it was always meant to be this way. We were always meant to save Bella, both of us. We couldn't do it alone. We had to do it together.

"Jacob, I need you." And I had never meant it more. I glanced down at Bella's head cradled in my hands. She was turning blue! She was not breathing properly. Blood must be in her lungs. _Help! Help!_ The baby's cries were growing more splintered and incoherent – losing consciousness. _No!_ Oh god. I could hear Alice, Jasper and Rosalie yelling and struggling with each other down the hall. Jasper's phone was ringing, ringing, and I knew it must be Carlisle and I thought of the panic he and Esme must be facing. My mind was pulled and battered in every direction of panic and madness.

I stood there in the center of the chaos and knew that I could not save them this way. _Stop._ I needed to block it all out, let it all go, and just believe in what I knew I had to do. I pressed back at the madness, the desperation, letting a cool determination stake claim, righting my thoughts and pinioning me to my only purpose – get him out quickly and safely, and save Bella. _I will save them._

I turned swiftly to Jacob, praying he had some knowledge in this area. "CPR?"

"Yes!" Jacob was studying me, judging my control. _Stop wasting time!_

"Get her breathing!" I snapped. "I've got to get him out before-"

Suddenly, I heard a horrible, blinding snap from inside Bella's body. The baby's now incoherent panic blasted through me, and I let it sweep me up for a fraction of a second before pushing it back. Bella's leg fell limply against the table, useless…

"Her spine," I gasped. Her perfect, fragile body, snapped in half, ruined. Oh, Christ, the chaos again…

"Get it out of her!" Jacob screamed at me. He threw something towards me – the scalpel. "She won't feel anything now!" His fury pulled me back out. Jacob bent and started giving Bella mouth to mouth resuscitation. I moved around the table.

Rosalie had only inserted the scalpel into Bella, she had never made the full incision. Staying focused, I very carefully pressed the scalpel to Bella's skin, and made a clean slice all the way down. At one point her stomach jerked too hard with the child's struggles and the edge of the knife hit against something hard. The womb. I tried to block out the child's fading cries, tried to stay focused.

I pressed Bella's skin aside and saw the glimmering, white dome, so alien and out of place in her body. It looked very smooth, giving slightly here and there to the baby's weakening jerks and thrashes. Blood lay in shimmering droplets all over it. Mustering the strength of a million seconds spent with Bella and the call of her scent, I leaned over very slowly and pressed my mouth to the womb. Blood covered my lips, my face, touching my tongue. I did not acknowledge it. I bared my teeth and very carefully bit into it.

My teeth went through with very little effort. It was like vampire skin, but a little softer. And it was _warm_. A new taste filled my mouth, salty and sweet, the dark waters the baby had lived in for those weeks. I brought my teeth together and pulled to the side a little, hearing the tearing sound as the skin of the womb pulled apart. I moved my teeth down lower and sunk them in again, pulling the opening further apart. _Careful, careful._ Don't catch the baby with your teeth. Further down, more pulling. Then one more time.

I heard Bella cough suddenly, and pull in a ragged breath, and heat and relief surged through me. Almost there, we're going to do it!

"You stay with me now, Bella!" Jacob was shouting.

I straightened up and put my hands on either side of the rough opening I had created. I curled my fingers around the skin into the wet, warm interior and pulled the opening wider. Something was moving, turning inside, and suddenly, a small, soaking wet, wondrous hand struggled its way out.

I gently touched the fragile hand, the small, translucent fingers, and then reached my hands into the dark interior, feeling a head, a slippery body. I pushed my hands under two small arms, using my fingers to steady his head, and gently lifted. He rose up from the womb, dripping, trembling. He. She. A girl.

I held her up in front of me under her arms. She was so small, a perfectly formed, miniature angel. And she was warm, so warm. Her mind was screaming against the brightness, her eyes pressed closed. Her body convulsed once, and then she pulled in a ragged breath. She held it for a long second, and then began pull in short breaths in rapid succession. The umbilical cord hung from her, damaged in the struggle. I leaned down and quickly sliced it off with my teeth.

When I straightened back up, she was still. She opened her eyes, and although her breaths were still rapid and her heart beat furiously, her eyes were gentle and calm, a deep brown ocean, stretching towards an endless horizon. Bella's eyes. She blinked a couple times, and then in her head, I heard, not someone else's voice, but a new voice, lilting, a small, perfect bell. Her voice.

_Edward_. Her eyes were locked onto mine.

"Renesmee," I breathed. She blinked again. _Renesmee._

"Let me…" Bella whispered. "Give her to me." I moved closer to Bella, laying Renesmee onto her chest as human doctor would, because Bella was human, and this was her baby. Bella was so weak she could hardly move her arms. They moved up slowly to curl against the baby's soft body.

Renesmee was watching Bella, drinking her in, immersed in her own kind of wonder. _Bella, _she thought. _Bella._

Bella's eyes gleamed, and she made a small, comforting noise to the baby that swelled my chest with love.

"Renesmee," she murmured. "So beautiful." Renesmee was blinking slowly at her. _Warm, _she thought. _Soft._ And then, unexpected, the flare of pain in her throat.

_Thirst._

I was one beat of a second too late. She managed to pierce Bella's skin before I picked her quickly up, cradling her in my arms.

"No, Renesmee," I said softly. _Stupid._ My fault. Of course she was hungry. I needed someone to help me, to take her and feed her. Would have to be Alice…

Bella's heart beat, already weak, faltered oddly, and then made one loud, strangled beat before pausing. I stared at her in horror and waited. Waited. No beat followed. Her heart was no longer beating.

Jacob's hands were over her heart, compressing. One, two, three, four.

Time was up. _Do it!_ My mind screamed at me, furious. _Do it now!_

Jacob blew a breath of air into Bella's lungs. "What are you waiting for?" he growled at me, taking up the compressions again.

"Take the baby," I said to Jacob.

"Throw it out the window," Jacob snapped.

I looked around wildly for somewhere to safely set her down.

"Give her to me," Rosalie said from the doorway. I whirled, snarling. She had snuck up on me. Why had Alice and Jasper let her go? Her eyes flickered to Bella's wrecked body, and guilt flashed through her. She was furious with herself.

_I'm fine, Edward. We know you need help. Let me help you save Bella. Let me make up for what happened. _"I've got it under control," she said aloud. She reached out. "Give me the baby, Edward. I'll take care of her until Bella is…better."

I swept her mind quickly. The baby had blood as well, and I could sense her scent now – different, sweet, less potent than Bella's scent, which drenched the room. But Rosalie seemed safe and in control. And there was no other option.

I carefully lay the baby in Rosalie's arms. She gasped slightly, hugging the small body to her own. She lifted her eyes to mine. _Go. Save her. I know you can do it. They'll both be okay._ And then she left.

I turned to look at Bella. Start at the neck. Direct as possible. _No._ _Wait_.

I turned and then moved as if in slow motion towards the silver tray on the table next to the bed. It was if the air was thick, impenetrable, trying to hold me back. I couldn't go fast enough, and the artificial beat of Bella's heart under Jacob's hands was all I could hear. Finally, I reached the table and picked up the large syringe. No time to decide, to think. Just do it. I turned to Bella's body.

"Move your hands, Jacob," I said quietly.

His eyes flickered towards me. "What's that?"

I pushed his hands out of my way. _Careful, careful now. _Between the ribs, use my fingers to guide. _Don't break it. _Not too far, just into the heart.

"My venom," I said.

I pressed the plunger down, feeling the venom push into the heart. I prayed it was still viable. Her heart jolted, sending a tremor through her body, but did not pick up beating.

Panic flickered at the edges of everything, trying to master me. Don't think. Just do. _I will save her. _"Keep it moving," I said to Jacob. Force her heart to move the venom through her body.

At the neck, first. I placed my hand against her skin, feeling the shallow pulse beneath. I let Carlisle's thoughts and memories wash over me, all I had seen before in his mind, all he had learned and experienced when he had changed me, Esme, Rosalie, and Emmett.

I leaned my face close to her. _Don't think. Just do. _ I bit in carefully, her soft skin and pliant muscles giving way immediately beneath my teeth. My mouth filled, and, steeling my hands against the table, I let the smallest amount of blood run down the back of my throat. The effect was overwhelming, and immediate. Hours and hours of time spent building walls within my body, perfecting my control over my impulses, fell away in the immediate, overwhelming face of brute instinct. Fire roared through my throat, and venom gushed in my mouth.

I held still for a moment, letting the venom seep into the wound. Then I pulled my teeth back out, and ran my dripping tongue over the wound. It sealed up immediately.

I moved to her elbow, then wrist. The fire burned on and on, endless, destructive, and the venom continued to produce. Groin next. Knee. Ankle. Over to the other side. Her heart was still not beating on its own. _Don't think about it!_ I paused to apply some venom to the gaping wound in her stomach. It was healing up slowly. I grabbed her wrist, pressing it to my mouth.

_He's working over a corpse,_ Jacob thought in despair_. _He was losing hope on me. On her. I tried to ignore him. I turned her hand over, biting the back, and then moved to her elbow. _One more time in the neck._

_A corpse is all that is left of the girl we both loved. A broken, bled-out, mangled corpse._

_Shut up!_ Fury began to race through me. _Shut up, Jacob!_ He was longing to leave, to get away.

_To never, ever come back, _he thought.

_Damn him. Traitor._ "Go then," I snarled. _Traitor!_ I had done all I could with the venom, it was up to her heart now. I didn't need him anymore, if he wasn't going to help save her. I didn't need his hopelessness – it was like a venomous snake, twisting its way into me. I pushed his hands away from Bella and began to take up the compressions.

"She's not dead," I growled. "She's going to be fine."

Jacob stared at me for a long moment, and then turned and slowly walked away, walking towards endless, empty grief. Deserting us.

_I'll leave him with his dead,_ he thought.

_Get out, then! _My mind was screaming. _I hate you, Jacob. Get out! She's not going to die. _

I concentrated on the compressions. _Gentle, gentle._ Just enough to keep the heart beating. _One slip, and you could crush her._ Stop! Just concentrate. _Up, down, up, down, up, down, up down._ I paused to blow a breath into her mouth.

Her face was so deathly still, no response. She was unearthly pale, and there was the slightest blue tinge to her skin, the sky pale at dawn. As I pressed my lips to hers, they were too cool. I blew in gently twice, watching her chest rise and fall mechanically. I moved my mouth to her ear as my hands began to move again.

"Come on, Bella, love," I whispered. "Come on, sweetheart. I'm right here. You did it. You've got a healthy baby. She's so beautiful. You _were_ strong enough. Now it's time for you to come back. She's waiting. I'm waiting, love. I'm waiting for you, always."

_Up, down, up, down, up, down, up, down. _No response, just empty beats, her heart an inanimate puppet beneath my hands. Her face was so slack, her eyes closed, lips parted slightly. I turned my head slightly so I could press my cheek against hers, my lips still close to her ear.

"I know you can do this, Bella. You can do it, love." I struggled to pull in the air necessary to form the words. "Everything is going to be perfect. We're going to be together forever. We're going to take care of our baby, both of us. But we need you to pull through this. I need you, please."

Nothing. Just nothing. The room began to move around me, faster and faster, until I could see nothing but Bella. Feel nothing but her cool, motionless cheek against mine. I realized the thoughts of everyone in the house - my family, even my newborn daughter – were all lost to me. It was just me and her. There was a roaring in my ears, growing louder and louder, an approaching black tempest.

"Please, Bella." I couldn't hear my voice, barely audible, lost in the roaring silence. "I love you. We all love you. Your heart – you promised. _You promised._ Please, please, don't go, don't leave." The winds grew louder. The darkness was approaching, so quickly. "I love you. I lied. I'm so sorry but I lied. I can't live without you. I won't. So you have to come back. Come back to me."

_Why doesn't she answer?_ Because I've failed her. I failed her. I failed Renesmee. And Jacob. I failed her family, and mine. _Oh Carlisle, forgive me…_

"Bella, sweetheart. Bella."

My hands paused over her chest, just for a fraction of a second, and then restarted the compressions. But in that small moment, I felt it beneath my hands. Silence. Stillness.

_Death._

I have stood over enough dead bodies to know. All those dead bodies. _This is my punishment. _My hands kept moving. _This is my punishment for all that death. _To have to stand here, over _this_ dead body, the one in which all hope, and light, and happiness exists, and not be able to bring it back.

_No, _I prayed. _No. Punish me. An eternity of torture. But not her. Not her._

But this _is_ my eternity of torture. My hands continued the motions. _Up, down, up, down, up, down, up down. _I would never stop. They will have to kill me to stop me. I would keep trying. Keep hoping. Keep fighting.

"I love you, Bella. I love you. I'm waiting. I won't ever leave you."

But in that moment, I knew. I knew.

_I am alone._

* * *

_Don't worry, I wouldn't leave you hanging like that for long. Next chapter will be out ASAP - in the next couple days._


	19. Angel

_This is a short one (for me __ ) – Edward's thoughts during the final moments he is working to save Bella._

_Reviews for the last chapter were amazing – thank you all so much, they really mean a lot. Thank you as always to beta lada_8, as well as my new beta noamg. I am so excited to have her help and wonderful insight!_

_Happy New Year!_

_Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight._

_Songs for this chapter:_

Pictures of You, _The Cure_

_ Remembering you fallen into my arms_

_ Crying for the death of your heart_

_ You were stone white, so delicate, lost in the cold_

_ You were always so lost in the dark_

_.  
_

_ Remembering you, how you used to be_

_ Slow drowned you were angels, so much more than anything_

_ Hold for the last time then slip away quietly_

_ Open my eyes but I never see anything_

_.  
_

Arms of an Angel,_ Sarah McLachlan_

_ In the arms of an angel, fly away from here_

_ From this dark, cold, hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear_

_ You are pulled from the wreckage, of your silent reverie_

_ You're in the arms of an angel, may you find some comfort there_.

* * *

"Bella," I whispered, looking down at her ashen face. An angel in repose. "Bella."

And then the darkness took us, a blinding fury of agony and torment, dragging me down, down towards the black, starless midnight within the eye of the storm. My hands were still moving – _up, down, up, down –_ continuing their desperate supplications over Bella's chest, begging, pleading, beseeching her heart to beat again. And as I worked relentlessly within the blackness to bring her back to me, it was the images of my own life that flashed in front of my sightless eyes, even though I was not the one who was truly dying.

_Bella's laughter rings out across the waves, light and untroubled. She shrieks as a fish touches her leg, and then puts her snorkel back in place and floats on the surface of the water. The sun glistens off the skin on her back, and below her I can see the tranquil movement and multi-colored palate of the life of the reef. I am anxious, nervous about being at such a distance from her. But the sea life is repelled by my presence, and I so want her to have this experience. She's seen so little of the world, and there are so many wonders I want to share with her. I feel a blanket of profound happiness wrap itself around me. Inside the house, I am tormented by longing. Her hair, her skin, her scent, even the sound of her voice – all ignite a fire of yearning in me. I am enraptured with her, and strung so tightly by my belief that I cannot touch her, and keep her safe. But out here I feel weightless, like I could fly with joy, suspended with disbelief that she has actually married me. That's she's mine, and we will be always be together. Her head breaks the surface, eyes dancing, and her hand beckons me. She wants me to come to her. I dive into the water, a meteor towards the sun. I will always come to you, Bella._

_I hold fast to a tree a few miles out – far enough that they won't sense my presence, but close enough for me to hear their minds. My eyes are pitch black – denied to reduce my shame if I dare visit. They do not sit together, this day exactly two years since I left them. Esme is in the front room. She fingers old photos of me and Carlisle, before she was with us. She wonders, as she always has, if it was her presence that upset the delicate balance of our relationship. How badly I want to tell her that is not true. That it was never her, always me. How much I want to feel her soft arms around me, inhale the familiar scent of her hair. If she told me everything was okay, I wonder, would it be? Carlisle sits in the back bedroom. My old room. So long untouched, it is now packed up along with the rest of the house – they will linger here no longer waiting for me to return. They've stayed too long already. His thoughts are tinged with bitterness, despair, regret. But more than anything else, loneliness. The same bone-deep, wrenching loneliness that I feel without him. Carlisle's head snaps up suddenly_. Edward?_ He draws in a sharp breath. _Edward?_ I release the tree, turn, and run away, willing my legs to move against my emotions. I cannot go back. I cannot sully them with my presence. For me, the monster has won. And so I can never go home._

_Rosalie and Emmett stand at the altar._ _I can feel Carlisle's arm pressed against mine as we stand together next to them. He sighs quietly, and I sense just a little of the heavy guilt he carries slip away as he watches Rose's happiness in this moment. Rosalie turns her head slightly and smiles at me. She is glowing today, the bitterness and resentment that so often plague her thoughts gone for once. She is truly as lovely in this moment as I have ever seen her, beautiful inside as well as out. Love has made her even more beautiful. Emmett, seeing her smile, follows her eyes to my face, and lifts his hand briefly to grip my shoulder. _A brother_, I think, smiling back at him. _I am less alone now_._

_A memory I didn't even know I had. I am a child. I look down at my own face, young, unknowing, reflecting back at me in a small pool of still water. I am searching for a colorful stone to give to my mother. How much I want to please her. Two emerald gems sparkle up at me, and I realize it is my eyes, my human eyes. I reach into the water, spreading a million small ripples through the image, and my face, that face, disappears. Forever._

_Dawn of a long night after Jasper has confessed to killing another human. It is someone we know. A neighbor, and also a patient of Carlisle's. So we prepare our hasty departure. Jasper sits alone, his face in his hands. He can feel Alice's heartbreak, the disappointment she tries so hard to hide, her anger at herself for not warning him in time. And he hates himself for it. He despises his own weakness, and yet resents that our lifestyle makes him feel like a failure. He glances up, looking for me. I turn towards him, smiling gently. I understand what it feels like to disappoint the people who love you. Jasper has grown closest to me, aside from Alice. He is so reserved, so private, that I think he actually appreciates not being able to hide anything from me. _I'm sorry_, he thinks. I shake my head. We have all told him already he doesn't need to keep apologizing. We support him, no matter what. He is part of our family. But I know he doesn't feel that way, and I secretly wonder if he ever will. Seeing a vision of him fleeing the house, Alice sits down, wrapping her arms around him and refusing to move until he finally gives in, embracing her desperately. As the dawn light begins to glow on underside of the forest, they sit together, clinging to each other, supporting each other, anchored by forgiveness and the kind love I am sure at the time I will never know. We move silently around them, as we pack up our lives, leaving, again._

_Bella sits on the black couch in my room, grimacing at her math homework. She smoothes her hair back with her fingers, and her teeth press into her lower lip. I sigh involuntarily at the sight of it. She glances up and smiles. "I love you," she says quietly, and I close my eyes and let the words wash over me. I will never get tired of hearing those words from her lips. When I open my eyes, she is looking down at her book again. She hums quietly to herself, and it is her lullaby. Suddenly, I know what I am going to give her for her birthday, only a couple of weeks away. I hear Alice squeal quietly downstairs. _Perfect, Edward_, she thinks. I smile. I already know some of the other songs I will record for her. A piece of myself to keep with her, for the hours I cannot be there. I go over and take her hand, pulling her to her feet and pressing her body to mine. Her heart thunders, and I can feel her pulse everywhere she touches me. As I hold her close, love fills me to the core, and I know I always want to be with her, be at her side. I do not see the dark clouds gathering on the horizon._

_Carlisle places the small box into my hand. The opal and diamonds of my mother's ring glimmer up at me. I know he has been holding onto this, waiting to give it to me when he thinks I am more in control. He thinks he has hidden these thoughts from me – he doesn't yet fully comprehend the pervasiveness of my ability. I am embarrassed, and scared, to tell him that almost nothing he holds in his mind, or heart, is private anymore. I am afraid he will resent me for it. He touches the ring. _You may need this someday_, he thinks. My fingers clench around the box, and I look up at him incredulously. "Are you crazy?" I snarl. "I will never need this. No one will ever love me that way." I hurl the box across the room, and it smashes against the far wall, leaving a dent and splintering into several pieces. I feel a flash of shame as I realize that it was the original box, and that Carlisle had gone to some trouble to retrieve it. Now it is just another irreplaceable piece of my human life, broken and lost forever. I stand up and look into the mirror over the bureau, at my wild red eyes, unfamiliar face. The fire in my throat continues its constant, torturous burn. "No one could love this. My own mother would hate me, if she wasn't dead." I slam my fist into the mirror, shattering it_. No, she wouldn't_, Carlisle thinks gently. He sits waiting, patient. Always so patient. I find this patience both infuriating and humbling. I turn to look at him. So much concern for me. So much affection. He loves me, already. And I know I am beginning to love him. My mood softens, and I inhale deeply. A human has walked too close to our small house, and the scent hits me unexpectedly, intoxicating, stoking the fire. Carlisle notes the scent as well, and I feel a glimmer of hope. "Please, Carlisle," I whisper. "The burn, it's unbearable." He sighs. He stands and walks over to pick up the ring out of the fractured box. _I'll hold onto this for a little while longer_, he thinks, looking at me_. We will go hunt in the mountains._ My teeth clench together as my mood turns to sudden fury. Denied again! I whirl and kick the dresser, smashing in the drawers. And Carlisle waits, patient._

_Alice and I sit together by the river in the silence borne of long familiarity. I've returned home briefly so Bella can shower and get ready for school. It is sunny today, so I won't be able to attend, but I will watch. I cannot stand to have her out of my sight now. The others have gone away hunting, but I am terrified to leave Bella so soon after my return. I cannot even contemplate ever leaving again, at this point. Alice has stayed back as well, saying she will keep me company, but I know she is also hesitant to be away from Bella, after so many months without her company. Glancing at her out of the corner of my eye, I reach down and flick a spray of water at her. Envisioning my move, she jumps away. I grab at her, but she sees my plan and jumps nimbly onto the rocks. She reaches down to splash me, but I read her intentions and jump up and over her head, landing on the rock behind her. My arm shoots out but she dances to the side, laughing. Then she steps on a rock that proves unsteady, and in the fraction of a second it takes for her to adjust I leap onto her and we crash into the river behind us. She squirms and kicks and mentally curses me for getting her outfit wet as we twist under the water. Finally, she kicks away, leaping out of the water onto the grass. I jump out after her, landing in a somersault, and rolling onto my back, the sky cool blue above me. She slides over and props herself up on top of me, a gentle weight against my chest. She reaches up and pushes the wet hair out of my eyes, smoothing it back gently. Sunlight dances against our skin, reflecting prisms in the drops of water that glitter on us. _I'm glad you're back_, she thinks. "Me too," I whisper, smiling._

_Bella screams in agony by the hand of James, shredding me into a million pieces. I roar with wild fury at the screen, and familiar hands grapple with me, restraining, comforting. Someone whispers reassuringly in my ear. But all I can see is the images from the video, Bella's face contorted in pain. I will never forget._

_Carlisle and Esme's amber eyes glow up at me from amidst the sea of humans. Carlisle watches intently, his face alive with fervent pride as I receive my first medical degree. _My son, _he thinks. _My son.

_My mother sings to me softly, a familiar song from my childhood that fills me with longing and loss. Her voice is rough, her breathing labored. I don't open my eyes, unable to face the death in the hospital around us. _I want to go home, _I think. _I just want to go home. _My mother gently presses a cool cloth to my burning face._

_Bella looks up at me and, amazingly, her face is alight with wonder and joy. "You love me," she breathes, and I am electrified by the trust and tenderness in her voice. "Truly, I do," I say softly, smiling, and her expression is luminous, happy, eyes soft pools of brown chocolate._

_And then I see those same brown eyes, looking up at me from a small, perfect, newborn face, hope and life held gently in my hands…_

"Renesmee," I whispered, the darkness receding slightly as I clutched to the memory of her face. _Up, down, up, down. _ "Renesmee." I repeated her name again and again. "Renesmee."

I said her name like a prayer, a chant to the gods above. I said her name for the mother she would never know. For the father who would now surely fade away. For everything she embodied of me and Bella, the best and brightest parts of each of us, a precious legacy our love. And everything she was of herself, now and in the future, and what she would be to those who remained to love her.

_Renesmee._

_._

_.  
_

A flicker of life beneath my hands. The muted whisper of a response.

.

.

I paused, uncertain. Terrified.

.

.

.

And then, within a blazing dawn, the darkness was swept away by the creation of a single, brilliant, heartbeat…

* * *

_End notes:_

_Phew! I think she is going to make it :). This brings us to the end of Book 2 in BD. The next chapter will begin right where this one left off, and we will start to get into all the things I know people are anxious to see, including Edward finding out about the imprinting, and spending time with Renesmee. I plan to spend several chapters dealing with everything we missed while Bella was "burning"._

_A note about my thought process in this chapter - in BD, when Bella is fighting against the darkness, when she can no longer bring anyone's face into view, it is the memory of Renesmee she hangs onto. Likewise, Edward clings to the thought of Renesmee in the end._

_Thanks for your reviews!  
_


	20. Restoration

_I was thrilled by the reviews for the last chapter!! I was so glad people enjoyed Edward's memories. I read every review, and your words mean so much._

_Thank you to wonderful betas lada_8 and noamg – their suggestions and encouragement are invaluable!! And a shout-out to teeth for some much appreciated grammatical advice!_

_I am planning to contribute a piece to MsKathy's Haiti Relief. It would be found under my FF penname NicoleTwilight. Possibly thinking a Jasper POV of the birth. Please consider checking out this wonderful endeavor at _**http://mskathyff(dot)blogspot(dot)com/**

_Song for this chapter: _Daughters_ by John Mayer_

_Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight._

_********************************************************************************************  
_

The white lights of the office suddenly felt blinding, the blazing illumination of reality. My hands were frozen over Bella's chest as her heart beat feebly. Once, twice…

"Come on, sweetheart," I whispered. "That's right, come on, love." I leaned down and blew two breaths into her. Her heart had paused again, and I lay my hands back against her skin, ready to start compressions, but then the feeble beats restarted.

Suddenly, Bella's chest moved as she gasped, choking slightly, and then she pulled in a long, ragged breath. Her heart started to beat more soundly, faster, faster, pounding, racing. She pulled in several more large breaths, color flushing back onto her skin.

"Oh, Bella. Oh god." I wrapped my arms around her upper body, pulling her limp form up to me, kissing her head again and again. "Bella, Bella, I love you, I love you so much. Oh, thank god, Bella." Her heart sped against my chest, her breath washed over me in even full breaths. I buried my face into her neck, feeling my body convulse, breaking down with overpowering emotion. Intense, overwhelming relief, and the after effects of horror and despair, racked through me, my chest heaving as I clung to her. Memories of what just occurred rained down on me – Bella's shriek of agony, the feel of my teeth slicing through her skin, the agonized pleas of the baby, her spine snapping.

_Oh, no, her spine. _I was going to injure her further, lifting her up like this.I quickly and carefully laid her back down on the table. I was shaking all over. I smoothed her hair back – she was still completely unresponsive. "Oh, thank you, thank you. Bella, you did it. Oh, god." I covered my face with a hand, trying to subside the irrational shaking. Suddenly, the door to the office banged opened, and I whipped my head to the side.

Alice stood in the doorway. Her expression was wild, her eyes wide, and there were healing compressions on her face. I had a quick glimpse from her mind of her on her knees in the bedroom, moaning, fingers digging into her own face, thinking Bella was gone.

"Edward," she shrieked, and launched herself across the room, leaping into my arms and wrapping her legs around me. "Oh, Edward, you did it. You did it!" She kissed me on my cheeks, my forehead.

"Alice," I gasped, trying to pull her arms off me. She slid down to stand in front of me. "Look." I moved my eyes to Bella's body, and she followed my glance. Bella lay naked, the wound in her stomach still open and oozing thick blood. Her torso was at an odd angle, and her legs were splayed out. Her midsection was black and blue, and several broken ribs were pushing through her skin. She was unconscious.

Alice's face blanched and she hissed slightly as she fully took in Bella's condition. But then she shook her head and turned back to me, taking my face firmly between her hands. She held my eyes.

"No, Edward," she whispered. "Look."

And in her mind unfolded the vision of Bella we had seen earlier in the day. Only this time it did not disappear. Bella stood looking at herself in front of a large mirror – I recognized it now from Rosalie's room. She was wearing a pale, sky blue dress that clung to her perfect, healed, body. The planes of her face were different, sharper, more defined, but her beauty was the same as it had ever been. Her skin was a smooth, pearl white, and her eyes were bright blood red. She did not smile, but viewed the reflection in the mirror warily. The vision was a little hazy, and the edges were blurred out, although even in the seconds that Alice held it in her head it began to grow just the minute bit clearer, exposing the hand of someone next to Bella. But it was definitely firm, unwavering, and real.

"Oh, Alice," I choked out. Every nerve, every muscle in my body clenched and twisted, and I felt as though I might be crushed by the joy and relief. _She really is going to be okay._ I wrapped my arms around Alice and we held each other, letting the vision feed us, restore us. Finally, I pulled away and looked back at Bella. She was still unconscious, and worry quickly seeped through the happiness. I needed to call Carlisle…

"Hey, back off," I heard Rosalie say from down stairs. I froze, turning to stare at Alice. Her mind was searching, blank, seeing nothing. It could only be…Jacob. I saw him through Rose's eyes, his hand outstretched toward Renesmee, his face dazed.

"Don't you dare touch her!" Rosalie shouted. "Help!"

"Stay," I hissed at Alice, flying for the door. Jasper ran past in the hallway and by the time I made it to the upstairs landing Jasper had Jacob pinned against the front wall of the house by the throat. Rosalie stood on the other side of the room, clutching the baby, who she had covered with a blanket. I grasped the railing, looking down.

"He tried to touch the baby," she snarled. I turned and stared at Jacob in confusion and shock. He was standing stock still, hands at his side, breathing roughly as Jasper's hand pushed against his neck, holding him pinioned to the wall with one hand. I was amazed he hadn't phased before Jasper got to him, and it was too late now. If he even attempted, Jasper would rip his throat out. And Jacob knew it.

_Please, Edward,_ he thought. His entire mind was humming with some sort of emotional overload. _Please, just listen first._

He began to play back the moments after he had left the office, as he had slowly walked out the door. _Into the ocean of pain, the other side so far away I couldn't imagine it, much less see it. _ He'd started down the stairs, leaving behind the sounds of Bella's heart being forced to beat. _I wanted to somehow pour bleach inside my head and let it fry my brain, to burn away the memory of Bella's final minutes. _At the bottom step he had seen Rosalie holding the baby. He'd felt…

Jacob's thoughts stumbled suddenly, as if we had crashed into a wall in his mind. He blinked quickly, trying to regain focus, eyes flickering to the floor for a moment and then back to mine. He retrained his thoughts around something, avoiding it.

_Unbelievable. _He was hiding something from me, some part of the memory. Something he didn't want me to see, didn't want me to know. I growled softly and he closed his eyes, ignoring my irritation and going on with his story.

Rosalie had lifted the baby onto her shoulder. Warm brown eyes gazed at him, the color of milk chocolate. _Bella's eyes._

And suddenly…heat, burning, glowing as everything inside him came undone and then was reconnected, unbreakable. _A million steel cables all tying me to one thing – to the very center of the universe._

I stared at him, thunderstruck, trying to wrap my mind around his words. Trying to interpret the cataclysmic shift that had occurred in his mind.

_The gravity of the earth no longer ties me to this place. It is her that holds me here now._

_Renesmee. _

_Renesmee. _

_He reached out, only wanting to touch her one time…_

_No! _My entire body stiffened, the wood railing beneath my hands splintering. Raw, unadulterated shock coursed through me, stunning in its unexpected depth and intensity. _Not possible! _My body felt like it was flushed with ice, rocked by a frigid blast of comprehension, an appalling realization I could not fight or deny.

Jacob had imprinted on Renesmee. Imprinted on Renesmee. _Renesmee._ My newborn daughter, out of the womb for only minutes. _My child. _ My_ daughter_!

And in a fraction of a second the glacier of shock dissolved in an instantaneous implosion of heated anger and hatred. _Damn him! Damn him to the furthest corners of hell! _The moment that Bella and I were sealed together for eternity, he decides to tie himself permanently to my daughter. Unable to steal Bella from me, he decides to take her. My daughter. Our daughter. The daughter I had hardly even held in my arms.

Waves of uncontrolled fury washed through me. Was there nothing that I loved in this world that Jacob did not want to take from me? Was he put on the earth merely as a design of cruel fate, created to dog my every step, and covet the things that I held most precious and dear?

I could barely see through the red haze of rage, and I was gripped by a wrathful possessiveness. I would not let him have her. I would not go through this with him again.

I would kill him first.

My eyes moved slowly from Jacob's face down to Jasper's hand on his throat. Jacob's eyes followed my gaze. It would be so easy, just one word to Jasper, and this would all be over. Seth and Leah were far away, unknowing. I could end this travesty once and for all.

_You know I didn't do it on purpose, Edward, _Jacob thought. _You know I have no choice._

_Shut up! _I mentally screamed. _Shut up!! I know that. Of course I know that! It doesn't make me hate it any less._

My eyes travelled slowly over the Rosalie and the baby. Rose was shielding Renesmee's face with a blanket, so she could not see the standoff occurring in front of her. But I was stricken to discover that, in the gentle, warm pool of her thoughts, she was thinking of Jacob. Seeing him standing at the foot of the stairs, staring at her. Her mind was alight with vivid fascination, pulled to the vision of his face, his burning eyes. _Jacob, _she thought eagerly, and I shuddered.

I looked back up at Jacob's face. He was not even watching me any more, his eyes now on Renesmee's small form in Rosalie's arms. _Even as he knows I am deciding his fate, he cannot keep his eyes from her._ Love for her sings through his whole body, pulsing through his veins, humming through his limbs. How much he loves her.

I remembered Jacob's thoughts from earlier in the day. _He can't hate what loves Bella._ Could I hate what loved Renesmee? And could I destroy it?

_What's it going to be, Edward, _thought Jasper. His thoughts were dull, clouded. He was confused by our intense emotions, and was trying to repel them. I realized suddenly how emotionally ravaged and drained he was. And he did not want to kill Jacob. Not today.

Neither did I.

Jacob's eyes flickered back to my face, thoughts of Renesmee ringing through his mind, all-consuming. _Renesmee. Renesmee._ My teeth clenched in renewed fury. But I couldn't deal with this now - I had to get back to the office. I was furious to have been forced to leave at all. I needed to be with Bella, and he was keeping me from her. _Damn him again. _Jacob and I would have this out, but not now.

Ultimately, for the time being, there was no doubt Renesmee was perfectly safe with Jacob. At least physically. And that was all that mattered right now.

"Let him go," I said softly, my voice coming out more menacingly than I had intended. Jasper released his throat immediately and stepped several steps back.

Jacob's eyes were locked onto mine. _Thank you._

_Edward, Edward!!_ Renesmee's mind filled with the sound of my voice, looking for me, her vision marred by the blanket. My gaze dragged back to the small struggling form in Rose's arms, and my chest twisted painfully in a confusing mix of love and longing and sorrow. I wanted very badly to go to her, and just hold her in my arms. But I couldn't. Bella had to be my focus right now.

I looked back at Jacob, and breathed in deeply. "You do not try to touch her again, you do not think about touching her, until I give you permission." Jacob nodded. _I'm sorry, of course._

"Phone," I said softly, looking at Jasper. He reached into his pocket and tossed me his phone, never taking his eyes from Jacob. I caught it in one hand and turned around.

"Throw him out," snapped Rosalie. _What the hell, Edward? _she thought furiously.I started to walk back to the office. This would have to be explained carefully to my family, and I could not do it right now.

"He can stay," I muttered. _For now._

"He tried to touch the baby," Rosalie yelled. "Edward!" I stepped into the office and slammed the door behind me.

Alice was at the operating table, her hands gripping the side, her face strained. In my absence she had been trying to apply her own venom to Bella's wound. Although the blood within Bella's veins was beginning to change, to lose the potent hints of flavor that triggered our natural reactions, her body was still coated in fresh blood. It was smeared over the table and onto the floor. Alice was desperate to help, but she was suffering.

I went quickly over to her, taking her by the shoulders. "Shh, Alice, it's okay," I murmured. "Why don't you go."

She looked up at me, her eyes large. "I want to help. I'm so sorry I wasn't here for you before," she said, her voice catching. "It was just the blood, and Rosalie…and Jasper." Intense pain seared across her face and I saw the memory in her mind of Jasper on his knees, clutching his head, rocking back and forth in the other room. A small noise was coming from his lips, his eyes pressed shut, his expression mangled. I realized, somewhere in the chaos I had tried so hard to fight, Jasper had lost his grip on his own emotions and been swallowed up in the terror, pain, hopelessness and despair.

"Jasper needed you, Alice," I said quietly. "I understand." I looked at Bella. So quiet. So still. Terrifying uncertainty began pressing painfully against me. I felt a flash of confused panic. Would I feel better if she was shrieking in agony? _Maybe,_ I thought miserably. I looked back at Alice.

"I need to wash Bella and clean up the room – would you mind getting me some warm water and soap?" She nodded, her eyes still strained, and started to walk slowly from the room. She stopped at the door, turning to look at me.

"_What was that with Jacob? _

I gritted my teeth. "Nothing," I muttered.

Alice shrugged slightly. "I wish you had asked him to leave, at least for a while, Edward. I still can't see the baby – he's interfering with my vision." She left, closing the door behind her.

I flipped open the phone and dialed Carlisle. "Jasper!" he cried into the phone.

"It's me," I whispered.

"Oh, Edward, tell me…"

"She's okay, Carlisle. Well, her heart is beating again."

There was a shattering moment of silence on the other end of the line. In the background I heard Esme utter a strangled moan of relief, and there was a loud whoop from Emmett.

"Atta girl, Bella!" he shouted.

"Oh, thank god, oh Edward." Carlisle pulled in an uneven breath. "Alice called to tell us the baby had been delivered safely, but Bella's heart was still not beating, so we…we…" he paused, his voice dying out for a moment. "How is the baby?"

"She's…" I paused, looking through Rose's eyes. I was momentarily panicked to see she wasn't holding the baby. But she was looking at Jasper, who was sitting on the couch next to her, rather awkwardly cradling Renesmee to his chest. He was holding the metal bottle, and she was drinking slowly, languidly, her brown eyes examining him solemnly. _Her eyes are like Bella's, _he thought. His mind was so calm and untroubled now, and I realized he was absorbing the gentle peace of her emotions. She was healing him.

"She's perfect," I said. "She's feeding, uh, drinking."

"Drinking what?" asked Carlisle.

"Blood."

"Ah," he murmured thoughtfully.

"Carlisle, Bella is still unconscious, I'm worried something went wrong. Her injuries were so extensive."

"It's probably just the morphine, Edward," he mused. "It's excellent, really, if it is delaying the pain of the burning. I'll take a look at the injuries when I arrive. I'm sure she is fine, Edward."

"Yes," I said softly.

"We are coming as fast as possible. Your mother, she… she wasn't doing well." Pain filtered through his voice as his breath caught slightly. "Emmett's been carrying her. But I think she will be able to run on her own now that we know Bella is all right."

I closed my eyes for a moment, imaging Esme's agony, waiting to hear if Bella made it. "How far are you?"

"We'll be home within the hour," he said. "And Edward, if Bella wakes up before I return, I want you to call in Alice and Jasper. I don't want you dealing with that on your own."

"Okay," I breathed. But dealing with it alone would be my cross to bear.

"We'll see you soon. Everything is going to be fine." The line disconnected.

A moment later, Alice came back. She had a bowl of warm water, a bar of soap, several washcloths and towels, and a trash bag. She handed me the bowl and then placed the other items on the chair. She left silently.

Bella's clothes remained in tattered rags underneath her body. I gently put a hand under her torso, lifting her slightly and pulling out the fabric beneath her. I repeated this with her legs. I was terrified to touch her lower back, and gently eased the cloth out inch by inch. I balled them up and dropped them into the bag Alice had brought. _We'll have to burn those._

I dipped the washcloth into the warm water, rubbing the soap bar over it. I wrung it out and then gently began to wash the blood and sweat from Bella's face. I gently wiped her eyes, her cheeks, her forehead. "How are you doing, sweetheart?" I asked softly, gently swabbing the blood from her lips. I moved the cloth down around her neck, and glided it over her shoulders. I dipped it in again, wringing it out, the water turning a pale pink. Rubbing on more soap, I swept it over her chest and then down each arm, carefully massaging her palms and each individual finger. She was completely limp, no response.

Alice appeared with a new bowl and I handed her the dirty water. Taking a new washcloth, I wiped Bella's stomach and legs, and then gently cleansed the wound on her stomach. I examined the area of the broken ribs, trying to gently press them back into place. "I'm sorry, love," I whispered, worried I was hurting her, although she showed no reaction. "I'm sorry."

Alice returned with more warm water, a white sheet, and Bella's bag of toiletries.

"Will you help me wash her hair?" I asked quietly. She nodded mutely. Alice carefully held Bella's head up a couple of inches as I poured some of the clean water onto her hair. I rubbed a drop of shampoo between my hands and then began to lather it into her hair. I massaged my fingers against her scalp, and then washed her hair from the roots to the ends, rubbing it gently between my palms. I poured the remaining water over her head, the soap pouring into the other bowl below, with small rivulets running down her neck and shoulders. Alice left with both bowls while I gently rubbed Bella's head with a towel.

This time Alice brought a bucket of water mixed with bleach, a sponge and a mop. Using the sponge, I wiped all the blood off the operating table. Then I mopped the blood up off the floor. While I was doing that, Alice took the white sheet and carefully covered Bella up to her shoulders.

"Thanks Alice," I murmured, handing her back the bucket and supplies.

"Hold on," she muttered, going to the door and putting the cleaning supplies in the hall. She picked something up off the floor and came back in. She handed me a set of clothes.

"I thought you might want to change," she said with a small smile. I looked down, and realized there were large splotches of blood on my shirt and pants.

"Oh," I said softly. "Thanks Alice."

"Do you want me to stay up here with Bella, so you can go see the baby?" she asked gently. My stomach twisted, and I felt the pull I had earlier to hold Renesmee in my arms. I reached over and placed my hand on Bella's arm.

"I can't, Alice," I whispered. "Not without Bella." Her forehead wrinkled slightly, but she nodded and left.

I quickly changed, dropping my clothes into the trash bag with Bella's ruined things. I pulled a chair from against the wall and placed it next to Bella's bed, so I could sit close to her. I touched her hair, feeling the damp, silky strands between my fingers. The familiar scent of Bella's strawberry shampoo floated up, soothing me. I stroked her translucent eyelids, and then caressed her cheek with the back of my hand. I trailed my fingers down her arm and picked up her hand, holding it to my lips for a long moment.

Was she conscious at all? Was she in pain?

"Bella, sweetheart," I murmured, pressing her hand against my cheek. No response. Could she hear me?

"I love you, Bella. I'm here with you, and I won't leave. We are always going to be together." I pressed my face to her palm, inhaling deeply. Her scent was different, changed but with familiar undertones, subtly laced with morphine and the acrid smell of venom. Her heart beat, just fractionally faster than normal.

"Renesmee is so beautiful. You have such a beautiful daughter. And you are going to be such a wonderful mother. I can't wait until the three of us are together." I curled her fingers over and encircled her hand in both of mine.

"Carlisle, Esme and Emmett will be back soon. And Renesmee is downstairs with Rosalie, Alice and Jasper." _And Jacob._ My teeth clamped together, and I felt another rush of fury and disbelief. What was I going to do? Could I allow him to stay here? But knowing the strength of the wolves imprint, could I make him leave? I tried to search for the shreds of the affection that had developed towards Jacob before the birth, but found only red hot anger and resentment.

Looking through Jasper's eyes, I saw Jacob downstairs, still standing against the wall where I had last seen him. He had not moved an inch. His eyes, though, followed Renesmee. Jasper was confused and irritated by his continued presence, and suspicious of his emotions towards Renesmee. Rosalie was sending him looks of pure hatred. I would have to be very careful when I explained to my family what had occurred between Jacob and Renesmee. If they misunderstood the connection that had been forged within him, if they thought there was a romantic element to it, I was certain that, where I hadn't killed him, they would.

I tried to shake Jacob from my thoughts. _Later._ I leaned over and pressed my forehead to Bella's leg. "I love you, Bella. I love you." I heard a whisper of bodies moving through the trees and sat up quickly. They were back.

The front door opened, and Carlisle, Esme and Emmett came through. They paused in the front hall, looking towards Rosalie, Alice and Jasper, who were grouped together, sitting on the couch. Renesmee was wrapped tightly in a blanket in Rose's arms, a glowing angel, her brown eyes peering at the newcomers and capturing them in her gaze.

"Oh, my," breathed Esme. She squeezed Carlisle's hand.

"Emmett," Rosalie said softly, standing up, clutching the baby to her. He lifted his eyes from Renesmee to look at her, struck by her luminous expression, her eyes sparkling with happiness. _Damn, I love that woman,_ he thought.

"Hey, babe," he said, smiling broadly. Carlisle made a step towards the stairs, and then paused, looking back at Renesmee with a worried glance.

"Go," said Rosalie. "She's fine. Go see Bella first." Carlisle paused for one more second, and the sprinted up the stairs. He stopped quickly outside the door, and knocked softly.

"Come in," I said. He opened the door and came in quietly, closing it behind him. I stood up. His eyes went straight to Bella, and he looked at her for a long moment, evaluating the strength and speed of her heartbeat. _Strong. Fast. _ And then he walked to me and grabbed me in his arms.

"Edward," he said, his voice strained. "I am so, so sorry I wasn't here. I never should have gone, and left you to deal with this alone. I failed you and I am so sorry."

"Carlisle," I said quickly, surprised, pulling back. "You needed to go. No one could have anticipated this."

"No," he said firmly. "No, I should have. We had no ultrasonic image, no reliable source to measure development. I never should have left the side of such a high risk patient."

I gripped his shoulder. "Carlisle, she needed that blood. You were the only one who could access it. You did what was absolutely necessary." He shook his head, unconvinced. Then his eyes strayed back to Bella. He went over and stood next to the operating table. He held the corner of the sheet in his hand, and glanced at me.

"May I?" he murmured. I shook my head mutely. Carlisle slowly pulled the sheet back, exposing Bella's damaged body. He stood still as his eyes swept over her, cataloguing each bruise, each wound.

"Tell me everything that happened," he said softly. As I began to recount the events for Carlisle, his hands deftly moved over Bella. He started at her face, pulling her eyes open with his fingers. His brow furrowed slightly. _Dilated. Probably expected at this point. _ His fingers stroked gently over the mottled skin of her face, capillaries broken from the strain of screaming. His hands moved down to lightly touch the gash in her stomach. It was healing rapidly, still open in only a few places, the visible blood thick and congealed. He smoothed his hands over her rib cage, gently feeling each bone. _At least 10 broken ribs, already starting to heal._ His hands moved down over her hips. _Probably a broken pelvis._

When I told him about the broken spine, he paused and glanced up. "I think we should take an x-ray." I helped him place the machine over Bella's lower half, and he took several films. While I prepared them he went back to Bella, carefully lifting and inspecting each of her legs, and then finally covering her back up with the sheet.

I held up the films. Fractured coccyx and sacrum. Fractures at L2 and L5. I felt sick. Carlisle came around to stand behind me, and put a hand on my shoulder.

"It will heal," he said softly. "Tell me about the transformation. Where did you start with the venom?"

I glanced at him nervously. "Well, I injected it straight into her heart." He stared at me silently. "While you were gone, it occurred to me that the best course of action might be to inject the venom straight into the heart. So I prepared a syringe of my own venom. I meant to discuss it with you when you got back, but…"

Carlisle stared at me a moment longer, his expression slowly turning thunderstruck. Then he went over and stood over Bella's body, looking down silently, listening to the strength of her heart.

"I'm sorry," I choked out. "Maybe it was the wrong thing to do. Maybe it was too much for her heart. Maybe that is why she isn't waking up."

Carlisle whirled around, his eyes wide. "Sorry? Don't be sorry, Edward. It was… it was _brilliant_. Ingenious. Given the already weakened state of her heart, and the trauma it endured during the birth…" He stepped towards me, gripping my hand. "It was what saved her." He pulled me in, hugging me tightly. "I'm so proud of you, Edward. I couldn't have done it better if I had been here. You did everything right. You delivered the baby successfully, and saved Bella. I'm in awe of you."

My throat felt tight and I shook my head, pulling away. "But why doesn't she wake up?" I whispered.

Carlisle looked at Bella. "Her system has been through a lot – she is probably in shock. There is a lot of morphine still in her system – I can smell it in her blood. It was obviously well ahead of the venom. It might be a while before she regains consciousness." He patted my back. "It's better this way, for her, if it cuts out some hours of burning. She will be fine. Remember, Esme did not regain consciousness right away." And then his expression changed, the pain that crossed his features quickly echoed in mine, as he remembered Esme's confused and agonized screams when she did regain consciousness. I closed my eyes, gripping my fists.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. There was a light knock on the door and Esme came in. She stared at Bella for a long moment, and then looked at Carlisle.

"I thought you might want to go downstairs and see Renesmee," she said softly.

Carlisle shook his head briskly. "Yes, of course. I need to examine her, and take her vitals. I'd like to get weight and height measurements as well."

Esme reached up and placed a hand gently against Carlisle's cheek. He looked down at her. "Before you do all that," she said gently, "why don't you go down and simply meet your granddaughter." Carlisle's eyes widened slightly, hearing words he'd never dreamed he would. He reached up and pressed his hand to Esme's, turning his head and kissing her palm. He smiled quickly at me and then went out the door.

Esme glanced at me and then moved straight over to Bella. Her hand swept over Bella's hair, then down to cradle her face. She leaned over and pressed her cheek to Bella's face. _Thank god, Bella, _she thought. _My sweet daughter. _She closed her eyes and just breathed in and out for several minutes. I sat down on the chair I had pulled up next to Bella's bed.

Finally, Esme stood up and walked around the table. She knelt down in front of me and took my hand.

"Your daughter is beautiful," she said.

"I know," I said, smiling slightly. "Just like her mother."

"And her father," Esme said, touching my face gently. Her finger brushed warm and soft over my cheek. Then her eyes grew serious.

"Edward, you need to see your baby. Spend some time with her."

My throat tightened, and I reached over and gripped Bella's hand. For a moment I looked through Rose's eyes. She was watching Carlisle, who was holding the baby up on his shoulder, one arm cradling her to his body, the other stroking her small head. For the first time I noticed the bronze curls that surrounded her head like a halo.

"I can't, Esme," I choked out. "Bella needs me."

"I know she does. And so does Renesmee." Esme held out her hand and I took it. She grasped it tightly.

"Edward," she said, her voice steady. "I know that you are my superior in many things."

"Esme, no," I muttered.

"You are significantly more well-read, you hold more degrees. You have the gift of music. And a strength that I can not even begin to touch." I shook my head. She leaned close, eyes brilliant amber, holding mine. "However, in the area parenting, you don't hold a candle to me." She raised her eyebrows, and I felt a small smile play on my lips.

She went on, her voice soft. "I know that you have been thrust into parenthood in a very sudden, unexpected way, and I can understand how difficult it is for you. I can't imagine what you went through during the birth process and reviving Bella – I experienced only a fraction of your pain, and it was terrible." She paused for a moment, her voice catching. Her hand squeezed mine even tighter. "And I know you are still worried about her now."

Then she took a deep breath and stood up, releasing my hand. "But you are Renesmee's father. She needs you, and you need her. For the time being, Bella is resting comfortably, and I think you should start to get to know your daughter."

I stared at her, slightly shocked. I looked at Bella. "I won't leave her," I whispered.

"We'll bring the baby up to you," she said, smiling gently. I took a deep breath, uncertain.

"What if Bella wakes up?" I asked quietly. "I don't want Renesmee to see that." I didn't want her to have that memory in her mind.

"We'll be waiting right outside, Edward. We are all here to help you get through this." She looked at Bella. "Bella would want you to see her."

I looked at Bella's still face, and then back at Esme. A thrill of excitement shot through me. "Ok," I said. "Bring her up."

Esme clapped her hands together. "Wonderful. We just need to get her away from your father first – we'll have to let him have a quick exam, at least." She rolled her eyes, smiling, and then walked briskly out.

I looked over at Bella. Her hair was almost dry, tumbling over the table. I stood up and went over to her bag, pulling out her hairbrush. I moved back to the table and gently brushed her hair, carefully working through all the tangles until it was smooth. "You look beautiful, sweetheart, as always," I said, kissing her cheek.

Carlisle put his head just inside the door and I glanced up quickly. "22 inches, 7 and a half pounds. Reflexes are great – advanced, actually. I clamped the umbilical cord, although it seems to be healing quickly. Full set of teeth. She's…extraordinary, to say the least."

"Oh," I breathed.

"I want to check her weight and height again in several hours, considering her rate of development within the womb."

I felt a chill. "Carlisle, you don't think she will continue to develop at that rate."

"I'm not sure, Edward," he said softly, his brow furrowing. Then he smoothed his features. "Don't worry about that right now – we will talk more later. Rosalie will be bringing her up in a moment to see you."

"Are you ready to go upstairs and see Daddy?" I heard Rosalie say downstairs. Carlisle smiled and disappeared.

Emmett snorted. "Daddy – please!"

"Well, he is her father," Rosalie snapped.

"I don't know," Emmett mused. "That's going to take some getting used to – Edward the Dad." He laughed again.

"What about Emmett the Uncle?" asked Alice.

"Oh, that's no problem," Emmett said, laughing loudly. "I'm going to be an excellent uncle, right, kiddo." He pretended to punch Renesmee in the arm.

Rosalie slapped his arm away. "Stop it!"

_Jeez, ow._ "I wasn't going to hurt her," he muttered. _Watch out for the mama bear._

Quiet footsteps came up the stairs. There was a soft knock at the door, and Rosalie came in, cradling Renesmee. She glanced at Bella, and searing guilt took her by surprise. _I failed her when she needed me, _she thought miserably. _I promised to help, to be there for her._

"It's okay, Rose," I said gently. Her eyes shot back to mine, and she nodded slightly, eyes strained. She came over and I stood up. Renesmee gazed up at me – I put out my arms to take her, but suddenly felt awkward, unsure of how to lift her from Rose's arms.

"Sit down, Edward," Rosalie said, laughing lightly. I sat in the chair, pulling slightly away from Bella's bed, and she leaned down and placed Renesmee in my arms. She was wrapped in a soft, blue blanket, and felt a little heavier than I remembered. Rose kissed her gently on the cheek. As she rose up, she paused, and then pressed her lips to my forehead.

"Thank you, Edward," she whispered. "Thank you."

"For what?" I asked, surprised.

"For Renesmee. For Bella. For saving them both." She straightened out, and with a last look at Bella, left the room.

Renesmee watched her go. _Rosalie,_ she thought. Then she turned back to me, her melted brown eyes wide and clear. _Edward._

I ran a finger down her cheek. Her skin was smooth, firm but pliant, less fragile than Bella's. And so warm, almost hot.

"Hello, sweetheart," I said. "Hello, Renesmee."

She blinked back at me, her eyes dancing around my face. _Edward. _Her mind filled with an image of me, my face aglow with wonder, Jacob just visible behind me, bending over the table. The moment when I had lifted her from the womb. The memory was tinged with tenderness, and relief. _Edward,_ she thought. And then, she recalled Rosalie's words. _Daddy._

I pulled in a quick breath, and my throat grew tight. _Daddy. _"That's right," I said whispered, cupping her face with my hand. Then I moved my hand down and carefully unwrapped the blanket. Her skin almost glowed, a pure ivory. She wore only a diaper, which Rose must have put on her at some point. I gently curled my hand around her small foot, caressing it in my fingers, feeling each individual toe, impossibly small. I did the same with the other foot. _Ten toes._ I smoothed my hand up her legs, slightly bowed, with a couple pudgy ridges. Her umbilical cord had a yellow clamp on it, and looked nearly already healed.

When I ran a hand up her stomach, she squirmed a little. "Ticklish, are we," I murmured, grinning slightly. She smiled back. _Look at her teeth._ I put a finger in her mouth, and ran my finger tip along the top of her teeth. They did not pierce my skin, but I could feel the sharp edge. She bit down with unexpected force.

"Ow," I said, laughing. I pulled my finger out and she smiled again. _Ow,_ she thought, her mind dancing with amusement at my expression. I slid my hand down her arms to her hands, feeling each slim finger. _Ten fingers._ I pressed my finger into her palm, and, just like millions of other babies across the world did every day, her fingers reflexively grasped mine. As she gripped my finger, the heat of her skin radiated throughout my entire body, a sunburst of love and devotion. I leaned down and kissed her forehead.

"Beautiful girl," I said softly. I pressed my cheek against hers. "Beautiful, just like your mother. You look just like her." I lifted her up to my shoulder, and she nuzzled into my neck.

"You are my precious angel, Renesmee," I crooned. "My sweet, sweet little girl." I kissed her cheek several times, and then inhaled her scent, sweet, strangely appealing but not tempting. At least, not tempting to a vampire with some control. I pushed that thought away for now. Her soft curls brushed gently against my skin, and I pressed my face into them.

I remembered my fears before she was born, if something like me could actually be a father, a parent. But having her here, holding her, it felt… amazingly instinctive. I recalled words I had once spoken to Bella. _I have human instincts – they may be buried deep, but they're there. _At that time, I had been fighting so hard against my vampiric instincts, it had seemed almost impossible to access the human ones. But Bella had freed that humanity from within me. She had shown me the tremendous happiness that could be gained from following my mortal impulses, and had helped me discover intimacy, tenderness, and romantic love. And now, she had given me the gift of fatherhood, something else I had thought I had left behind with mortality, and I was both shocked and happy to find that being with Renesmee felt natural. Good.

"I love you so much," I said quietly, closing my eyes, relishing the feel of her small body against my chest and the sensation of her heart fluttering quickly against my skin. "I'm so glad you are here." I stroked her silky curls with my hand. I was a little worried that my cool body might make her cold, but the heat she radiated seem to keep her body temperature up.

Suddenly, her mind filled with the image of Bella, her face close, sweaty and ravaged, smiling weakly. I cringed, knowing it was Bella's face as Renesmee had seen it moments after her birth. _Bella, _she thought, her mind swelling with love and concern. _Bella._ I sighed, and then lowered her down off my shoulder, propping her on my legs in front of me, cradling her body with one hand and her head with another.

"I know, sweetheart, I know. That's mommy, and she will be with us soon, I promise." I leaned down and kissed her forehead. "She loves you so much. So much." I glanced behind Renesmee at Bella's sleeping form. _She risked everything for you, to give you life. Her love knows no bounds._

I looked back at Renesmee and smiled, and was rewarded with a stunning smile in return. Then suddenly her expression changed, and her mouth stretched into a perfect O. I tensed, concerned, and then realized she was yawning. She was tired. _She sleeps._ Like Bella.

I slid her towards me, cradling her in my arm against my chest. I carefully tucked in the blanket around her. "Go to sleep, sweet Renesmee," I murmured, rocking gently back and forth. "Go to sleep now, my little angel." She yawned again, her eyes slowly closing and opening. Without thinking about it, I began to sing to her, the same song my mother had sung to me in the hours before her death, the remembered song of childhood.

_Sway to and fro in the twilight gray,_

_This is the ferry for Shadowtown,_

_It always sails at the end of the day,_

_Just as the darkness is closing down,_

_Rest, little head, on my shoulder, so,_

_A sleepy kiss is the only fare,_

_Drifting away from the world we go,_

_Baby and I in the rocking chair…_

As I sang, Renesmee watched me, transfixed. Her eyes would close and then open again, until finally she could hold them open no longer. Their brown depths disappeared behind pale, pink eyelids, her dark lashes resting against her ivory skin. As I sang the final words of the song, her thoughts began to blur.

_Rock slow, more slow, in the dusky light,_

_Silently lower the anchor down,_

_Dear little passenger, say "Good night",_

_We've reach'd the harbor of Shadowtown._

Renesmee's breathing became even, and the beating of her heart slowed. I leaned down and kissed her cheek. Then I reached out and took Bella's hand in mine. I looked between their sleeping faces, as I held my whole world in my hands.

"I love you," I whispered.

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_**A/N **The song Edward sings to Renesmee is an actual lullaby written in the late 1800's by Ethelbert Nevin called "A Bedtime Song". The complete lyrics can be found here: www(dot)lyricsdownload(dot)com/old-songs-lullabies-shanties-etc-a-bedtime-song-lyrics(dot)html__ . I couldn't find a video of anyone singing it, but I did find this utube clip of it being played on the piano, if you would like to hear the tune (it's very pretty): __www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=uuwpwbPREtk&feature=related__ ._


	21. Permanent

_**I was so happy with the response from the last chapter!! Many people said it was their favorite chapter, and there were lots of long, detailed reviews. I know many people had been waiting for the Edward/Renesmee scenes, and I'm so glad that first one lived up to expectations. Thanks so much to everyone!! Even though I haven't been able to respond to all reviews, I read them all (I live for them!), and I try to answer any specific questions if you have them, in a response or in the a/n. I'll be answering a common question in the endnotes to this chapter.**_

_**In this chapter Edward, Jacob and the Cullens have some things to sort out!!**_

_**Thank you lada_8 and noamg!**_

_**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.**_

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_Colors danced and sparkled, lavender, soft blue, deep rose pink. Flowing endlessly, creating patterns while dark, moving shadows splayed in the background. And then the muted colors burst to life, glowing white, almost too bright, too stark. Bright blues, reds, yellows overlapped, blending and separating, in perpetual motion…_

Renesmee's dreams were spectacular. Stunning yet soothing. The quiet colors of her life in the womb mixed and intertwined with the new, sharper hues of birth. I felt like I could stay lost in them forever, just floating in this alternate state of unconscious bliss.

And then the faces. My own, Bella's, Rosalie's, wavering in and out of focus amongst the painted background. Carlisle, Esme, Alice, Jasper. And Jacob. _Jacob._

The flash of irritation broke me out of my contentment, and I sighed. Jacob, a constant fixture in her thoughts. Jacob, imprinted on Renesmee. On my daughter.

_What was I going to do? _I looked away from Renesmee towards Bella, trying to sort out my feelings. My emotions towards Jacob had always been confusing. I felt the natural aversion to his kind that was instinctive within me. And a deep, entrenched resentment that had once bordered on hate for his nearly successful attempts to take Bella from me.

And yet there was so much fellowship, and gratitude. For loving, and protecting, Bella when I wasn't there to do it. For being her friend. For sacrificing everything to help me save her.

But all these things fell to the side when it came to Renesmee, and I struggled to press my personal feelings about Jacob aside as I contemplated what this imprint would mean for her. I thought for a moment about destiny. And choice. Jacob's nature, as a wolf, had removed his choice of a mate through the act of imprinting. He did not resent this. The power of the imprint, the resulting bond, was too strong to allow for any resentment.

But would Renesmee resent it, if not now then one day? If Jacob stayed in her life, would he determine her destiny as much as his had now been written? Choice was something I had always strongly desired for Bella. For so long I had struggled against what fate threw at us, the way life had tried to take away her choices. How I had regretted that my presence in her life seemed to shape her destiny from its natural course. Didn't I have to fight for my daughter's right to her own choices as well?

I sighed. To think I had ever found the idea of imprinting fascinating. I reached out downstairs, looking through Jasper's watchful eyes. Jacob was sitting in an armchair, looking uncomfortable. Esme had insisted he come from his spot against the wall and join everyone. He was staring at his hands in his lap, thinking of Renesmee. He was feeling oddly guilty. _How could I have felt that way,_ he thought miserably. _How could I have ever considered that?_ I couldn't pinpoint the source of his guilt. He was fighting against his thoughts, his mind being sucked back into memories he didn't want to face, to recall…

_Renesmee in Rosalie's arms…A blood sucking monster that brutally mutilates its own mother… An aberration, its existence against nature… A black, soulless demon, something that had no right to be. Something that had to be destroyed…My own justice, my revenge…Muscles coiling, body preparing to spring, teeth ready to rip…_

I was driven to my feet, Renesmee clutched protectively to my chest, my mind ringing with the treacherous, hate filled reality of Jacob's thoughts. _That god damned bastard had been just about to kill Renesmee!_ I felt my body trembling in fury, and I willed myself to be calm, to control myself and not hurt the precious weight in my arms. Renesmee. _Renesmee. _My anger suddenly twisted with guilt and horror. With my own inattentiveness, I had nearly let my newborn daughter be killed, mere minutes after she had been born. How could I have turned such a blind eye to those murderous thoughts only a few feet away from me? What could have kept me from seeing?

But I knew what. Nothing could have touched me in the dark place that was Bella's death, and I had nearly paid the ultimate price for that. I was sickened by Jacob, and disgusted with myself. I looked down at Renesmee in my arms, so small, so soft and delicate. How could he have wanted to kill her? How could anyone want to cause harm to something so lovely and gentle?

And yet, I had once hated what I thought was killing Bella. Hated my own daughter. Perhaps neither of us deserved either one of them. Perhaps we were both monsters.

As if sensing my self-doubt, my face floated into Renesmee's dreams, and I was struck momentarily by how different I looked in her thoughts, compared to the face I saw in my own mind. Somehow, I always saw the rock hard skin, the deathly pallor, the inhuman eyes. Cold. Inert. But in Renesmee's mind, my face was warm, my expression tender. I looked so young. So _alive._

The door was suddenly pushed open.

"Cheese!" said Alice, a flash temporarily lighting up the room. Then she lowered the camera. "Edward, you weren't even smiling!"

I breathed deeply, trying to repel some of my tension. Then I rolled my eyes and sat back down. "Shh, Alice, you'll wake her. What are you doing?"

Alice smiled. "Esme suggested we take some pictures." She looked down at Renesmee, her face softening with surprise. _She's sleeping,_ she thought.

"Yes," I whispered. We both watched the baby's still face for a moment, until Carlisle appeared behind Alice. She smiled at him, went over and kissed Bella's cheek, and then danced out of the room.

Carlisle looked at Bella, still motionless on the bed. _No change. _He turned his eyes to Renesmee.

"How is she doing?" he asked quietly, smiling, but then his expression froze as he inhaled a sharp breath.

"What?" I said quickly, looking down at her and searching his mind.

_She's grown,_ he thought.

"No," I whispered, shaking my head. I had been staring at her for the last hour and a half, there was no way. I studied her face intently. _Oh, no._ For now that I looked, really looked, I _could_ see that the planes of her cheekbones were slightly more pronounced. Her nose was elongated. I gently straightened out a soft curl with two fingers. _Longer._

Quickly I pulled back the blanket and felt a growing sense of unease. Carlisle came and knelt next to me as we studied her. Her torso had definitely lengthened. Her legs had already lost some of the excess fat, and they were straighter. Her fingers and toes seemed longer.

"I'll get the measuring tape," Carlisle said softly, standing up. "I want to keep a running record."

"Carlisle, what does this mean?" I asked. He looked at me for a long moment and then shook his head.

_I don't know, Edward. _I tried to ignore the calculations both our minds were doing unbidden, the life span that such a rate of development would mean. Carlisle watched the panic in my eyes and reached out and put a hand on my shoulder.

_Please don't get upset, Edward. She is like nothing we have ever seen before – standard rules for development obviously don't apply. That doesn't mean that her body wasn't designed for a long and happy life._

_A long and happy life. _I looked down at her sleeping face, and felt a deep chill settle through me. Even if her growth slowed, we had no idea what her life span might be.

Carlisle's other hand was quickly on my other shoulder. He squeezed until I felt forced to look up at him again. _You cannot dwell on what may pass in the future, Edward. She's beautiful, she's healthy. _I nodded once, leaning down to press my face to her head and inhale her scent, a salve for my fears.

"Okay," he said, with slight uncertainty. "I'll be back in a moment." He disappeared and returned in several seconds, holding a tape measure. We stretched Renesmee out on my lap, and Carlisle measured her length as well as the circumference of her head. While I watched him I heard quiet footsteps come up the stairs and then pause at the top. _Esme._

_She's grown 7/8's of an inch since I measured her when I returned,_ Carlisle noted, stunned. I nodded, not knowing what to say. He looked at me. _We'll measure again in four hours._

He knelt back down in front of us, running a finger down Renesmee's arm, and then looked up at me. "Her skin appears firmer than a human's, and more durable, I would imagine. As I'm sure you noticed, her heart rate is faster than that of a normal human. It's beating at about 150 beats per minutes – slightly above the normal range for a newborn baby. I do not know if it will slow down as she ages, like a human's heart rate would. Temperature is running at about 105 degrees. So far, she has only ingested blood, but I would like to determine if she can digest human food." He fell silent then, standing up.

I nodded, acknowledging his physician's analysis, and then I carefully wrapped Renesmee back up in her blue blanket. She had not woken at all during the measuring process. I wondered if all babies slept this soundly? I had no reference to go by. Hearing a small noise outside the room, I realized Esme was still standing at the top of the stairs, anxious, listening.

"At some point, with your permission, and Bella's as well, of course, I'd like to do some blood work." Carlisle looked over at Bella. "Would it be all right for me to examine Bella again?" he asked.

Esme appeared immediately in the door, her face a little hesitant. Her eyes went straight to Renesmee. "Oh, would you like me to take the baby so you can help with the exam, Edward?" she asked quickly.

I realized suddenly that Esme had been loitering out in the hall waiting for an excuse to come in and get Renesmee. I looked down, trying to bite back a smile at her obvious eagerness.

"That would be great, Esme, thanks," I said, standing. Her eyes lit up and she approached almost reverently, peering down into Renesmee's face.

_Look at her sleeping. How adorable._ She gently slid her arms under Renesmee, lifting her out of my grasp and cradling her to her chest. "There you are, dear one. How I missed you," she said softly, kissing Renesmee's cheek.

I lifted my eyes, and then stopped. Just behind her, a couple of feet away, Carlisle stood, frozen, watching Esme, his expression entranced. He slowly lifted his hand, pressing it against his chest, against his heart. His mind held a myriad of emotions – boundless love and aching happiness, mingled with ancient sorrows and old regrets.

_Look at her,_ he thought, his eyes fixed on the vision of Esme with the baby in her arms. _Look at her. Just as she always wanted._ His breath hitched slightly, and then he noticed my stare. He glanced away, almost embarrassed, fearing that he might be intruding on my happiness with his own. I wanted to tell him that every happiness of mine was to be shared with him.

"Oh, Edward," said Esme suddenly. I let my eyes move back to her. "What gift you have given us. You and Bella." She lifted Renesmee up, burying her face in her hair for a moment, and then lifted her eyes to mine. "You know how much I love you. How much I love my adopted family. You're my children, and nothing has brought me greater pleasure than to act as your mother. To care for you, and try to guide you, when you'll let me." She smiled, and then looked back down at Renesmee. "But to hold a baby in my arms again, after all this time. To feel that new life in my arms. I just, I just never thought it would happen for me, again. I never dreamed. And it reminds me so much of…" She closed her eyes, her voice breaking off in a sob, her breath catching. _Reminds me of my first little angel. _ She swallowed, trying to compose herself. Carlisle came over to her, putting an arm around her shoulder and pressing his lips to her cheek, closing his own eyes, breathing deeply.

Finally, Esme raised her arm and pressed her hand to Carlisle's face. She turned her head, kissing him gently on the lips, and then looked at me.

"I'm just so happy, Edward," she said quietly. I smiled, leaning over and pressing my cheek to the side of her head. She patted my hair gently, and then turned swiftly and left. Carlisle and I watched after her for a moment, and then Carlisle moved over to Bella.

I walked over and stood across the bed from him, taking her hand. "Bella," I whispered, watching her face. But there was no response. Her hand felt cooler than usual in mine. It seemed surreal, given the venom currently scorching through her veins. Suddenly, I was swallowed by my own memories of burning, the fire blazing as if straight from hell, cruel, unrelenting and unstoppable. _Please, god, don't let her be going through that. Please spare her._

Carlisle glanced at me with worried eyes, and then leaned over Bella. He pulled back her eyelids. _No longer dilated,_ he thought, pleased. He carefully pushed the sheet aside, exposing Bella's stomach. The wound was almost completely healed. I ran a finger down it, feeling the slight ridge where the incision had been.

Carlisle slid his hand under the sheet. _Ribs healing nicely._

"What about her spine?" I whispered. He straightened up, looking at me.

_I'm not certain. We could take an x-ray, but I don't know if we would be able to get an image at this point. _He smiled kindly at me. _It _will_ heal, Edward._

I nodded, and then glanced back down at Bella's still, unconscious face. "When will the morphine wear off?" The scent of it still laced her blood.

"In a human, four to eight hours," Carlisle said. "However, the venom thickens the blood, changes the molecular structure. I'm not sure how that will effect the medication – it may burn off slower." Carlisle came around the table suddenly, putting a hand on my shoulder. I glanced up at him.

_Edward, why is Jacob still here?_

I sighed and looked away, avoiding his questioning eyes. I couldn't put off explaining to my family any longer. But first, I needed to talk to Jacob. Alone.

I glanced back up. Carlisle was watching me, curious but patient. "I will explain, Carlisle, but I need to speak to Jacob first. Do you think everyone might take a walk in the yard, to give us some privacy?"

Carlisle raised his eyebrows in surprise, but nodded. _Okay, Edward, we'll leave right now. _

"Be careful," I whispered, thinking of the wolves. But there was no one close, no danger. Carlisle nodded again and regarded me for a second, wondering what could possibly be going on, before turning and going downstairs. There was no way he was going to guess this one, I thought.

There was a quick discussion, a short argument with Rosalie, and a lot of fuss wrapping Renesmee in an extra blanket before they were ready to leave. Jacob stood by the couch, silently watching. Everyone kept casting suspicious glances at him. Once they were out the door, he sighed loudly, steeled himself, and began climbing the stairs.

I pressed my cheek to Bella's. "I'll be right back, love," I said softly. I kissed her lips, cool and dry, and then went out the door, standing right in front of it, leaving it cracked open several inches.

Jacob reached the top of the steps and walked towards me, stopping several feet away. His body was rigid, his expression stressed. Fear drummed through him, that I had called him up here to demand that he leave. To forbid him to see Renesmee. To tear apart his world. He knew that he would do as I asked, and this helplessness terrified him.

Finally looking up, he glanced at the door behind me, thinking of Bella as he had last seen her – lifeless. Empty.

"Can I see her?" he asked quietly.

"No," I snapped, not feeling generous. He'd lost that right when he'd walked out the office door after the birth.

Jacob nodded, and then looked down at his feet, saying nothing. Silent tension wavered between us for a moment. I stared at his down turned head.

"I know you were going to kill her," I said softly. Jacob's head shot up, his expression horrified, all the color draining from his face. _Shit, _he thought. We stared at each other for several silent seconds.

"I wasn't sure, if…if you knew," he finally said, his voice rough, shaky.

"How could I not," I spit out. "You've been hammering yourself with guilt for the last half hour, did you think I was going to miss that?" He shrugged, saying nothing, looking down again. _I would give anything in the world to take back those few seconds, _he thought, eyes not meeting mine. _But I can't._

"No, you can't," I said quietly, seething, not wanting his remorse. I knew it was foolish, in some ways, to pursue this anger over something that did not come to pass. That now would never come to pass. But I just wasn't ready to let it go, yet.

"Jacob," I said, waiting, watching. Finally, he took a breath and looked up into my eyes. "Jacob," I repeated. "You would have done that to Bella?"

He stiffened, his hands clenching. The ghost of pain and loss filled his eyes. "She was dead," he said roughly. "I thought she was dead." He was back briefly in those terrible moments, leaving that room, coming down the stairs… He shook his head.

"And me?" I whispered, unable to fully keep the edge of betrayal out of my voice. _After everything, you would have done that to me, Jacob?_ But he would have wanted to hurt me, as he felt I had hurt Bella.

Jacob blinked, and the pain in his eyes changed, laced with regret, and defensiveness. "If she was dead, then you were as good as dead, too." His tone was brusque. Then his face changed, softened slightly, and he was thinking of Renesmee again. He stepped closer to me and then reached out hesitantly to touch my arm. I glanced down in surprise. He had never voluntarily touched me before.

"But, don't you see, Edward. I get that now. How your whole world can hang on the existence of one person, and if they are gone, your life is gone too. How there would be no reason to live anymore. More than that, how it would be impossible to go on living. I understand now."

I stared at him, not sure what to say, unable to avoid understanding the depth and truth of his emotions, and yet hating that they were towards my daughter.

He watched me, his hand still on my arm. "Will you tell her?" he whispered. Tell Bella he had almost tried to kill her daughter.

"No," I said. I was angry, not cruel.

"Do you want me to leave?" His voice was nearly inaudible. "You know I would never hurt her." _Renesmee._

I sighed and closed my eyes, squeezing the bridge of my nose. He waited, not breathing. I looked at him again, and tried to put my fears into words, so he would comprehend where I was coming from.

"I worry that," I said softly, "by imprinting on Renesmee, you are writing her whole life for her, before she even gets a chance to make her own choices. If I let you stay, how many of her future decisions will be a fore-gone conclusion?"

Jacob's grip on my arm tightened, panic crashing into his thoughts of being kept away from Renesmee, and even more upset by the future I painted.

"Edward," he said, his voice low and intent. "I love her. She means more to me than anything in the world. I don't want to take away her choices. I would never, ever do that, and please, I beg you, stop me if I ever do." His voice broke slightly. "I just want to be near her, to keep her safe, and make her happy. I want to watch her grow, and see her smile, and learn everything about her. I'll have whatever kind of relationship she wants with me – friend, uncle, brother – or if she wants, I'll simply watch her from afar."

I sighed, and closed my eyes. Outside, Renesmee had woken up. I felt a pang of guilt at having sent them out there. But she was happy, exhilarated, taking in everything around her. It was a rare clear night, and she stared up at the heavens from Rosalie's arms, while Carlisle bent next to her, whispering, pointing out various constellations. My family clustered around her, all eyes on the sky.

I thought about Jacob's words. I understood that kind of love, the kind that transcends all normal boundaries. I would have been anything Bella wanted me to be, just to be near her._ Bella._

My eyes opened, and I looked at him carefully. "Not that I am unhappy about it, but, your feelings for Bella - they are just gone now?"

Jacob blinked, surprise flooding his mind, as if he hadn't even taken the time to consider this. As if he had been so busy being enamored by my daughter that he had forgotten he was supposed to be in love with my wife. _The irony._

"No," he said slowly, uncertainly. He pulled his hand away from my arm and glanced at the door behind me, as if he could see Bella through it, and find an answer. "No, I mean…yes." He closed his eyes and breathed in and out slowly before opening them again. "Yes, my feelings have changed."

He turned away from me slightly, looking down, kicking the floor. "You were right, dammit, okay? You were right. When you told me once that if Bella chose me, that you would wait, that one day I might leave her." His hands clenched into fists, opening and closing several times. "I didn't believe it. I didn't think it was possible. That some other girl, some stranger I barely knew, could just come along and change the way I felt about Bella. I didn't think those feelings for her would ever change. And I was wrong." He sighed, blowing out a long, trembling breath. "I was wrong. I still love her. Just not that way." He looked sideways at me. "It's better that way, though, don't you think."

I stared at him in amazement and growled. Did he really think I wanted to be vindicated this way? "It would be if you weren't in love with my daughter instead."

He flinched and then nodded. _Right._

"You actually think Bella will be okay with this?" I asked him, my voice scathing.

"I really don't know," he said, looking worried. "Maybe she'll see how much I love Renesmee, and, well…" his voice trailed off, uncertain.

I snorted and rolled my eyes. _Good luck with that._

"I just want to be near her. Nothing more." He looked down, uncomfortably. "It isn't, you know…" his voice trailed into a whisper. "It isn't...like that." His hand twitched as his side.

I realized what he was inferring. That his feelings towards Renesmee were not… _inappropriate. _He knew, as I did, what some in my family would think, would fear. My stomach twisted at the very suggestion. "Damn straight it's not," I snarled angrily. "Or you would be dead right now." Jacob took a step back, and I clenched my fists, trying to calm my emotions. "I understand what you are trying to say, Jacob. But one day, when she is older, you will…it might…I can't…" I ground my teeth, frustrated, my thoughts tangled viciously by the mere thought that someday someone might think of my little girl that way.

Jacob watched my face for a moment, and then, surprisingly, laughed. "Edward, you're her _father,_" he said, smiling widely. "She's going to grow up, and guys will want to be around her whether I'm here or not, and you'll hate them the same way you'd hate me. No father wants any guys thinking that way about their daughter – believe me I've witnessed plenty of that from Billy with my sisters. You're in for it, either way."

_God, he can be irritating._ I glared at him. Jacob tried to look more serious. "Edward, you are worrying about things that are, like, 18 years away. I might have finally grown on you by then." I winced inwardly, realizing Jacob had not yet thought through what Renesmee's rapid growth might mean about her development. That none of us might have that much time with her. There was a long silence as I tried to contemplate what Renesmee's future might look like.

"So, where does this leave us?" Jacob finally asked. I looked away. My family was starting to make their way back across the lawn towards the house. I turned back to find Jacob's eyes vivid on mine.

He dropped his voice, hearing my family's approach. "I just want to be near her, Edward, whatever way you'll let me. I know you don't owe me anything, so I'll just beg this one thing of you. I'll do anything. Please let me be there for her. Please."

I swallowed hard. I did owe Jacob, though I didn't feel very compelled to tell him that now. Looking into his anxious eyes, I was stricken with the sudden memory how it had felt to be separated from Bella, the endless agony, the searing, empty anguish. I wouldn't wish that pain on Jacob.

But was it the right thing for Renesmee? I wanted to do what was best for her, and I was so scared of making the wrong decision. I suddenly fiercely wished that Bella was awake, beside me. I felt like this was my first true parenting decision, and it felt wrong for me to be making it alone.

"You can stay," I said finally, very softly. I watched as some of the tension drained from behind Jacob's eyes. "I need to explain this to my family, and I can't promise what their reaction will be. And, of course, everything is off the table when Bella wakes up. Then it will be her turn to have a say. But, for now, you have my permission to stay."

_Thank you, Edward. Truly, thank you. _The back door swung open, and Jacob and I both turned automatically towards the stairs.

_Everything okay, Edward? _Carlisle thought.

"Yes," I said. "Bring them up." My family filed into the house and slowly mounted the stairs. Confusion reigned in their thoughts as they came to quietly stand around Jacob and me. Alice's brow was furrowed, her mind far way. She had been looking for Renesmee's future when they were outside, hoping to be able to see something that far from Jacob, but it was still blurry. She caught my eye, her face concerned.

_Daddy! Jacob! _Renesmee's eyes were luminous, happy. She looked at me and her mind filled with the vision of the night stars, the sky, and the constellations she already recalled. I smiled at her, nodding to show I saw what she was showing me, and then looked around.

"I need to speak to everyone," I said quietly. "Rosalie, could you give Renesmee to Jacob so he can take her downstairs."

Jacob's mouth fell open, and his eyes lit with anticipation and gratitude. _Oh, thank you Edward._ He turned quickly towards Rose and Renesmee, holding out his arms.

"No, I won't," Rosalie snapped.

"Yes, you will," I hissed quietly. _Absolutely not, _she shot back. Renesmee, who had been looking eagerly towards Jacob, now glanced between our faces, her expression concerned. I breathed deeply and tried to smile, anxious not to upset her.

I walked over and gently lifted Renesmee from Rosalie's arms. Rose was furious but did not resist. I kissed Renesmee's forehead and then lowered her into Jacob's arms. He held her stiffly for a moment, almost overcome, and then slowly, tenderly, pressed her against his chest, warmth and love glowing in his heart. He looked up at me for a moment, eyes shining with happiness, before turning and hurrying down the stairs.

I turned back to my family, who were looking at me with expressions ranging from stunned to disgusted. Jasper was shaking his head, looking at the spot where Jacob had been standing. _Was that love?_ He thought, mystified. _Why?_

I looked carefully around, pausing to take in everyone's eyes. "Do you remember," I said slowly, cautiously, "when I told you about the wolves imprinting?"

There was a beat of confused silence. This was not what anyone had been expecting. Alice narrowed her eyes slightly.

"Do you mean the mating for life thing?" she asked.

"Yes," I said. "But it is more than just that. The first time a wolf sees his imprint, the effect is instantaneous. They are bound for life, irrevocably. She becomes the center of the universe for him, the one thing that holds him to this earth."

There was another very pregnant pause.

_What the hell are you talking about, Edward? _Jasper thought.

"Oh," said Esme, her face brightening suddenly. "Are you trying to tell us that Jacob has imprinted? That's very nice. I've hated seeing him so heartbroken over Bella." Her face was sincere.

_Seriously? _Rosalie thought. _You made us march around outside and then dragged us up here for that? Who gives a damn? _Alice had gone back to worrying about her lack of vision.

"So the wolf is finally going to get his own girl," laughed Emmett. "About time."

Jasper and Carlisle were still studying me somberly. Jasper could sense my continued unease, and Carlisle knew me well enough to know something else was wrong.

I sighed, and tried to keep my voice low, calm. I would have to be more direct. "Do you recall when we discussed how one of the wolf pack had imprinted on a 2 year old?" I paused, searching each of their eyes, almost willing them to understand what I was trying to tell them. Because I wasn't sure if I could say the words out loud. _Jacob has imprinted on Renesmee. _My daughter. Your niece. Your _granddaughter._

It took only about three-fourths of a second.

"Holy shit!" yelled Emmett. "Are you friggin' kidding me, Edward?" His face was shocked, and livid.

_He's downstairs alone with her_, Alice thought, her eyes wide. Jasper hissed, realizing in a furious rush that this must have been what the earlier encounter downstairs had been about.

"Oh," Esme gasped, horror in her voice, as she took a step back. _How could he? _She pressed a hand to her stomach.

_I'll kill him,_ Rosalie simply thought, and then she whirled towards the stairs.

"No, Rose," I snapped, grabbing her arm. She pulled away, strong in her fury, but then Carlisle grabbed her other arm. I glanced at him, grateful for his support, but was surprised to see his eyes conflicted, agitated.

"Stay here, Rose," he said in a low voice, glancing at her and then back at me. His face was strained. "Edward, are you telling us that Jacob has imprinted on Renesmee?"

"Yes," I whispered. There were groans and hisses. Rosalie snarled. Carlisle continued to watch me, his face very still.

"Edward," Carlisle said quietly. "I understand that we owe Jacob a lot, but I question if this is even tolerable." An intense, protective instinct coursed through him, through all of them, as they stared at me.

"She's a baby, for christ's sake!" said Emmett angrily.

"You have to understand," I said quickly. "This is not a romantic thing. I explained that when we discussed the imprinting on the two year old."

Rosalie gaped at me. "Did you think anyone was really listening? Like we gave a damn? It's a hell of a lot different when it is our baby."

"Not romantic?" Esme asked, her voice panicked and confused. "But I thought Bella said the wolves who imprint will eventually get married."

"That can happen," I said, gritting my teeth.

"This is downright disgusting," seethed Rosalie. "I won't have him near her, thinking god knows what disgusting things. I can't believe he dared to choose her!"

"Stop it, Rose," I said in a low voice. "The imprinting is a compulsion, Jacob had no choice in the matter. The age of the…the object of the imprint does not matter. The love he feels towards her is much like the love any of us have for her. It is platonic. He just wants her to be safe and happy."

"Fine," snarled Rose. "We promise to keep her safe and happy. Now he can get the hell away from her."

"Edward," breathed Alice, her eyes wide. "How can this be okay?" _Bella would not like this._ I felt a flash of panic, that maybe I was doing the wrong thing, allowing Jacob to stay. Supporting, defending him. I looked pleadingly at Carlisle.

He took a deep breath. _I'm trying to understand this, Edward. Help me understand._

I nodded. "I know this is a lot harder for all of you than for me, because I can see into Jacob's mind. I can see his utter devotion to Renesmee, his desire for her to be happy, and given everything she ever wants in life. The love he has for her is simple, pure and permanent." Downstairs, Jacob was listening, barely breathing, shocked I would speak up so vehemently in his defense. _Yeah, well, wait till Bella wakes up. _All bets were off, then. "However angry or disgusted it makes us feel, it will never change."

I looked around, imparting the most telling, and probably worst, bit of truth. "And Renesmee is drawn to him, too."

There was a moment of stunned silence. "Oh, Christ," Emmett muttered. Rosalie's hands curled into tight fists. The others wrinkled up their faces in surprise.

"You're sure, Edward," Carlisle said, breaking the quiet, "that the feelings he has for her are safe, and in control?"

"Yes," I said quickly. "I would never allow any harm to come to Renesmee. I can see into his thoughts, and if things change his expulsion from our house, and her life, will be swift. I would never allow her to be in any danger, or inappropriate situation." I said this as much for Jacob's benefit as for theirs.

Jasper took a small step to me, his face tight. _This is insanity, Edward, you must know that._

I sighed. "I don't expect everyone to accept this right away. God knows I don't. However, as long as it is safe for Renesmee, and until Bella wakes and we are able to discuss this together, I have told Jacob he can stay."

There were a couple of groans. Rosalie's expression bore into me, her eyes on fire. _No,_ she thought, fuming. _I won't allow it._

"She's my daughter," I said softly. I saw a small flash of pain in her mind at this. I held her gaze until she looked away, acknowledging my words.

"That's right," murmured Carlisle. He was looking down pensively, his finger on his chin. Than he glanced up at me. _And I'm sorry I even questioned you. _"Edward is Renesmee's father," he said aloud. "I respect your decision on this. Jacob is a good person, and if he loves Renesmee as we do, then I am glad he is here."

"Of course," said Esme in a small voice, wringing her hands nervously in front of her. She tried to look enthusiastic. "We'd love to have Jacob stay. It's always good to have an extra set of hands with an infant." She smiled at me.

Jasper reached out for Alice's hand. His face was hard, but he nodded. Alice's eyes were far way, seeing nothing. They cleared and she glared at me. _How will I ever see anything with him here!_

Emmett let out a hard laugh. "Oh boy, wait till _Bella_ wakes up and finds out," he chuckled. "Any takers on how long until she tears him limb from limb?"

"Emmett," said Esme reprovingly.

There was movement at the bottom of the stairs. Jacob was slowly coming back up towards us, and I felt a flash of annoyance that he would return so quickly. There was an edge of anxiety to his thoughts. He was, very oddly, thinking about me. Imagining some strange angle of my face. With a jolt, I realized he could see a bit of Bella, lying on the bed in the office. And he was listening to me hum the lullaby I had sang to Renesmee.

Confusion and anger flared within me. How could he possibly know that? What was he playing at?

Jacob slowly came to the top of the stairs and turned to look at us. His eyes were wide, shocked. Renesmee was in his arms, her deep eyes fixed onto his face. He was holding her small hand against his cheek.

"Edward," he whispered. His voice was full of wonder. He took Renesmee's hand gently from his face. My face disappeared completely from his mind. "Watch," he murmured. He placed her hand gently against his cheek.

Immediately, his mind filled with something different, a vision of Bella. Her face was large and close, sweat and blood pouring down her skin, her eyes half crazed, bloodshot. Jacob choked slightly at the impact of the memory.

_Renesmee_, the vision of Bella whispered. _So beautiful_. I was absolutely frozen in amazement and shock. This image was not a memory of Jacob's – this was Renesmee's memory. She had _put_ it into Jacob's mind.

Jacob gently removed her hand from his face, and the image vanished immediately from his mind, but not from hers. It was her touch, I realized suddenly, that was the conduit for her thoughts.

"What's going on?" grumbled Emmett. My family was growing irritated and confused by this inexplicably exchange between Jacob and me. I perused their faces, and then finally put my hand on Carlisle and pulled him gently toward Jacob. Carlisle was confused but moved obligingly until he was practically pressed up against Jacob. Jacob shifted uncomfortably but Carlisle remained calm.

I nodded at Jacob. Very gently he lifted Renesmee's hand again.

"Let her touch you," I murmured to Carlisle. He bent over slowly and Jacob pressed Renesmee's hand to his face.

Carlisle drew in a sharp breath as his mind filled with an image of Rosalie. Her face was smiling, close, and she murmured gentle words. _Sweet baby. Sweet Renesmee. _Carlisle's stunned eyes shot to mine, and we stared at each other for a long moment. Understanding swept through his face.

"She's special," he said softly. "Special, like her father."

"And her mother," I breathed.

"What is it?" asked Alice, her voice desperate. _Is everything okay, Edward?_

Carlisle looked at her. "She is…" he paused, thinking of how to explain. "She is passing her thoughts into my mind. She can _show_ you her thoughts."

"What?" gasped Esme, shocked. Alice, Jasper and Emmett exchanged incredulous glances.

"What is she thinking about?" said Rosalie, moving a step forward.

Carlisle looked into Rose's eyes. "She's thinking about you." Rosalie's eyes widened and glowed brilliant, as she shifted her gaze to Renesmee's small, solemn face. Renesmee returned her gaze steadily.

And then the vision changed. Rosalie's face again, not as close, and there was something else in the view – glinting silver – the metal bottle. Renesmee thought about the contents of the bottle sliding into her mouth, cooling her throat. I felt my own flash of thirst. _Thirst._

"She's thinking about Rosalie feeding her," Carlisle said quietly. He swallowed hard, and stood up slowly, placing Renesmee's hand back onto her blanket.

"My god," I breathed, as the meaning of the vision slowly dawned on me. Not just a memory – a purposeful message within a thought. "She's telling you that she is thirsty. There is intent to these thoughts. I think she is _communicating_ with us."

"Yes," said Jasper suddenly. He moved a step forward, fascination brimming on his face. "Yes, she is feeling thirsty."

Jacob gently touched her cheek, stroking lightly. "Are you hungry, Nessie?" he murmured, gazing down at her. My family stiffened, and an immediate undercurrent of tension ran through their thoughts as they watched Jacob touching her so casually. Rosalie began practically shaking with furious rage, and I shifted slightly, closer to Jacob, concerned.

Renesmee looked up at Jacob, her eyes blinking a couple of times. Then she slowly turned her head to his hand, opened her mouth, and bit him.

There was a moment of surprised silence. Renesmee hung onto Jacob's hand for a second, then her face crinkled up in something resembling distaste, and she released him. He lifted his hand, staring at it, dumbstruck.

"Ouch," he complained. Renesmee stared at him for a moment, and then her gaze slowly travelled around to all the faces trained on her, and then back to Jacob. Then she smiled widely, white teeth shining.

Suddenly, Emmett broke the silence. First he snorted, and then tried to disguise a chuckle as a cough, and then suddenly he threw his head back and burst out laughing. It grew louder and louder, filling the hallway as he slapped his leg and hung onto the wall for support.

"Ouch," he choked out between howls of laughter. "Ouch". Alice started to laugh as well, burying her face in Jasper's chest. He patted her head, smiling, shoulders shaking with amusement. Esme disguised her smile behind her hand, and Carlisle joined in the laughter, patting Jacob on the shoulder. Rosalie bit her lip and rolled her eyes.

Jacob looked around at everyone for a moment, hand still held out in front of him, eyes wide with shock. Then his face relaxed and broke into a grin. He shook his head and stuck his hand into his mouth, sucking off some dripping blood from the quickly healing wound.

Jasper took a step forward. "Well, I guess she's not venomous," he said lightly, laughter still in his voice.

Carlisle's eyes widened slightly. "Why don't you let me take a look at that, Jacob," he said.

But Jacob just shook his head, pulling his hand from his mouth. "I'm fine," he said reassuringly. He looked down at Renesmee, smoothing her curls. "Don't worry, Nessie, I'm fine."

"Nessie?" Alice said. She was leaning against Jasper. "What is that about?"

Jacob shrugged. "Nickname," he said. "Renesmee's a bit much, don't you think?" He glanced at me with worried eyes, but I just smiled.

And then, Renesmee made a small movement, and all eyes turned to her. Slowly, as we watched breathlessly, Renesmee lifted her small arm of her own accord and very deliberately placed it against Jacob's face. _Amazing,_ thought Carlisle. A vision of Jasper holding her bottle blossomed in Jacob's mind.

"Oh," said Jacob, glancing around. "Jasper feeding her." Surprise flashed over Jasper's expression, a pleased note entering his mind that she had thought of him.

Rose smiled down at the baby. "I better take this little monkey and get her something to drink, before she takes another bite." _Not that I want to discourage that, of course, _she thought. Rosalie approached Jacob, her body stiff, not meeting his eyes. But she walked right up to him and carefully took Renesmee. Jacob and Rosalie both flinched as their arms made contact, but kept their faces impassive.

Rosalie brought Renesmee over to me. I leaned down and kissed her forehead. "I'll see you in a bit, sweetheart," I whispered. She smiled, and her mind filled with the vision of us by Bella's bedside, the lullaby falling from my lips. I smiled gently back down to her. "Yes, I'll sing to you again."

Rose turned and headed down the stairs, Esme right at her arm. Carlisle hurried after them, wanting to suggest they try the baby formula.

_Where the hell is he?!! I can't believe I have to come back again to this vile-smelling vampire hole. I am not going inside this time!_

Leah. She was approaching the house. She and Seth were concerned they had not heard from Jacob yet. Seth was still several miles out, worried that she had insisted on coming herself.

_I'll be so glad when this whole damn thing is over. And then Jacob will want to leave, and we will never have to see this house or those bloodsuckers again._

I looked down at the floor for a second, pressing my lips together, trying to control my amusement at what Jacob had coming to him when he explained what had happened with Renesmee to Leah. _And he thought my family would be the biggest hurtle_. I took a breath, looking up.

"Oh, Jacob," I said quietly. He paused, a couple stairs down, and turned around, looking up at me. I smiled.

"Leah is coming."

He stared at me blankly for a couple of seconds, and then his face turned pale.

"Oh shit."

_

* * *

_

_**A/N Many people have asked me how far I am taking this story. Right now I am definitely planning on taking it through Bella's first day as a vampire – I imagine the first day will encompass several chapters. I'm still playing with the idea of going through the second day as well (when Charlie comes, etc), to the end of chapter 26 in BD – not sure yet. Sorry to be vague! But I do not think I will get into the Volturi confrontation.**_

_**Thanks for reading and for your reviews!**_


	22. Suspension

_My apologies for how long it took to get this chapter out! It just would not come quickly – it ended up being a complex chapter to write. It's practically the length of a short novel, though, so hopefully that makes up for it a little!_

_I expect one more "burning" chapter after this, with Bella waking up somewhere near the end. As we know from BD, Bella was fairly cognizant during most of her last day burning, with Edward sitting quiet next to her, so much of the "action" takes place before that time._

_I live for your reviews! I check my computer an embarrassing number of times a day to read them _

_Huge appreciation to noamg and lada_8 for their invaluable comments, advice and suggestions._

_Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight._

_Song for this chapter: "Yellow" by _Coldplay.

I came along  
I wrote a song for you  
And all the things you do  
And it was called yellow

So then I took my turn  
Oh all the things I've done  
And it was all yellow

Your skin  
Oh yeah your skin and bones  
Turn into something beautiful  
D'you know? You know I love you so  
You know I love you so

* * *

Renesmee stirred around five AM.

"She's waking up," whispered Jacob, his voice betraying excitement. He jumped up from the chair he had been sitting in, but then sat back down quickly when Rose leveled a death glare at him.

As I watched through his mind, Renesmee's eyes started to open and close, and her mouth pulled into a wide yawn as she stretched two fisted hands over her head.

"Good morning, sleepyhead," said Rosalie, gazing down at her adoringly. Renesmee blinked sleepily several more times, and then smiled. She immediately put her hand to Rosalie's neck, filling her thoughts with a vision of Rose feeding her.

_One track mind,_ thought Rose, smiling. "Hungry, are we?"

Carlisle appeared in the door, a silver cup in his hand. "Excellent," he said. Rosalie and Esme had managed to convince him not to try the formula last night, but he was determined to give it a go today. Rosalie stood up, carefully passing the baby into Carlisle's arms. He sat on the couch, and Rose knelt down next to him. Everyone leaned in close, Jasper and Emmett watching from behind the couch.

Carlisle lowered the bottle close to Renesmee's face. She sniffed suspiciously, and then recoiled. From what I saw in her thoughts, it did smell revolting. Her hand shot up to Carlisle's neck, showing the same vision that she had shown Rose. This time she recalled the taste, and flavor, of the blood she had been fed. I swallowed hard at the pang of fire her thoughts brought my dry throat.

"I know, sweetheart," said Carlisle gently. "But let's just try this." He lowered the bottle, touching it to her lips. Renesmee reached up with both hands, clutching and pulling at the bottle. Carlisle released it to her, marveling at her strength and coordination, and thinking she might be more willing to try it on her own terms.

Renesmee regarded the bottle for a few moments, turning it around in her hands and sniffing at opening a couple of time. Then she moved one of her hands up to the spout, and with a shocking creak, bent back the metal spout so it was bent closed. Then she smiled up at Carlisle and pushed the bottle back into his hands.

Carlisle's mouth gaped slightly in surprise, and there was a stunned silence for a moment.

"Saucy little thing, isn't she?" Emmett finally commented, and everyone laughed.

"Just stubborn, like her father," Rosalie said. I smiled to myself. _Her mother is plenty stubborn, too,_ I maybe _persistent_ was a better word.

"Can you blame her?" said Alice. "That stuff smells awful. Do human babies actually drink it?"

"I think," said Esme, heading towards the kitchen, "I better get her a bottle of blood." Carlisle nodded, still speechless.

Jacob was continuing to watch Renesmee intently, anxiety lacing his thoughts. Carlisle had measured the baby about an hour ago, determining that she had grown one and a quarter inches in the previous four hours. Jacob had been shocked to discover the rate of her growth, and had spent the last hour exchanging worried glances with Seth, who had spent the last several hours at the house. Seth had even taken a turn holding a sleeping Renesmee, looking awkward but happy as he cradled her in his long arms.

"Oh!" Alice said suddenly. I started, scanning her thoughts. Her mind was full of a vision of Charlie talking on the phone, his face angry, car keys in his hand. "Charlie going to call again at…" She refocused her perspective of the vision, catching the clock on the microwave. "He'll call at 6:00 am, and if we try to tell him again that Bella is still in quarantine, he'll come to the house."

Everyone glanced quickly at Carlisle. He sighed, his face turning pensive. "What if we tell him she's been admitted to the University of Washington Medical Center in Seattle, under a team of specialists?" Alice's eyes unfocused, and I watched in her mind a vision of Charlie in his police car, screeching up to the entrance of the UW Medical Center. She shook her head, her eyes clearing. "He'll go looking for her. He's done waiting."

"Damn," snapped Jasper. He looked pointedly at Carlisle. "I knew it was foolish to stay. We have to leave." Behind him, in an armchair, Jacob paled. I stood up, wondering if I should intercede. This was not the time to leave – there had to be a way around this.

Carlisle let out a long breath. "What if we tell him I've brought her to the CDC in Atlanta, to undergo special tests?" Alice held up a finger, her eyes fading far away. She saw Charlie banging down the phone, and then sitting down heavily in a kitchen chair and putting his head in his hands. I felt a flash of pain for him.

Alice blinked once. "Should be okay, for now," she said.

"For now," said Jasper in a hard voice.

"Esme should speak to him," said Carlisle. Esme, returning from the kitchen with a new bottle, nodded.

Jacob glanced up at her from the chair, avoiding Rosalie's eyes, and said in a hesitant voice "Could I feed her?" Esme smiled down at him, nodding, while Rosalie shook her head angrily on the other side of the room.

But Carlisle spoke up. "Actually, Jacob, I've wanted to talk to you about trying to reestablish the treaty with Sam's pack." Jacob looked at him, surprised, but then nodded, his expression turning resigned. Rosalie took the baby from Carlisle and then sauntered over to retrieve the bottle from Esme, a smug look on her face.

Carlisle moved close to Jacob. "We need to have the freedom to move in our lands, to leave safely, if necessary." He was concerned about how long we could hold off Charlie.

"And we need a serious shopping trip!" Alice interjected. "My niece will not spend another minute wrapped in a blue blanket!"

"It's true," said Rosalie. "She's already out grown all the clothes Emmett bought last week, and they were all blue anyhow."

"That is the last time I let Bella predict anything!" said Alice, rolling her eyes.

Carlisle smiled slightly, and looked back at Jacob. "Also, a couple of us still need to hunt, and Bella will be very thirsty as well when she awakes."

Jacob cringed inwardly at this thought, but nodded. "I also need to explain to Sam what's, well, happened with Renesmee, and me." He shifted uncomfortably.

"Let's hope it goes better than it did with Leah," Jasper muttered. Emmett snorted.

Jacob had spent several hours slightly shell shocked from Leah's "hissy fit", as Emmett had called it, earlier in the evening…

"You did what?" Leah had growled angrily when Jacob announced to her, somewhat unceremoniously in his nervousness, that Bella had given birth and he had imprinted on her baby. "You did _what_?"

"Leah, I…"

"I can't believe this! You imprinted on a vampire?" Her voice had elevated up several octaves to a piercing shriek. "HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?"

"She's only half vampire," Jacob said quickly.

Leah's expression was appalled. "You've really lost it this time, Jake." Her voice had gotten lower, darker. "This is truly sick. Is this some sort of psycho reaction to Bella dumping you? Can't have her, so try for the daughter?"

Jacob's teeth snapped together. "You, of all people, know it is not something I had control over," he growled. Pain had flashed in Leah's eyes.

"Edward knows about this, and he hasn't killed you?"

"Not yet," muttered Jacob.

Leah stared at him in pure disbelief. "You're crazy, you know that?" she hissed.

"Leah," Jacob was irritated. "If you would just listen for a…"

But Leah's expression had turned wild, her voice growing loud. "First you are madly in love with Bella, then you come here to kill the bloodsucker, but instead the bloodsucker asks you to make babies with her, and then he asks you to kill him anyways!" I had cringed as this line elicited several sharp intakes of breath downstairs. "So then you become the knight in shining armor to save her, and now you have imprinted on her half-bloodsucker kid? Am I getting all this right? Have I left anything out?"

"Enough, Leah," Jacob growled.

"No, no," she raved. "Hold on, wait, this is just too much. Do you mean to tell me that, one day, Bella and Edward will be your…your…_in-laws?_" The last word came out as a half shriek, half laugh. _Oh, the irony! _ "What are you going to do, have part human, bloodsucker and wolf kids? Can't wait to see that!"

Jacob just glared at her stonily.

"You're mad." Her voice dropped to barely a whisper. Then she gestured around madly towards the house. "You're all mad!" she yelled loudly. _I'm never going to escape this filthy, reeking place_!

She had run off into the forest. Seth had arrived fifteen minutes later, anxious to phase and escape Leah's rantings in his mind.

Now Jacob was watching Renesmee, hating to leave her, not knowing what awaited him on the reservation. Finally he sighed, and then got to his feet. Seth stood up as well.

"No," said Jacob quickly. "You stay here."

Seth's brow furrowed. "No way, Jake. You're not going into La Push by yourself."

"No," Jacob repeated, determined. _This is between Sam and me. _"I need to do this on my own." He turned and walked over to where Rose sat with the baby.

"Bye, Nessie," he said softly, gazing down at her and touching her cheek, the pain of separation already in his chest. Her wide eyes watched him. "I'll be back soon."

_Oh, gag,_ thought Rosalie, trying to ignore him. _Don't bother rushing back. In fact, please don't ever come back._

Several minutes later, after a few more words with Carlisle, Jacob left, first engaging in a short argument with a still furious Leah on the edge of the lawn before heading towards La Push on his own.

The atmosphere of the house was subdued, anxious, as we waited for the results of Jacob's visit. Esme handled the phone call from Charlie as gracefully as possible. Renesmee drifted back into sleep after drinking her fill, her dreams a cascade of familiar faces, against the backsplash of the night sky, crowned by the yellow orbs of the stars and surrounded by the swaying movements of giant trees. Rose and Alice quietly discussed their shopping trip, joined by Esme, who was hoping they could purchase some final items for the cottage. She was anxious to have it completed by the time Bella awoke, and the three women discussed the final plans in hushed excitement.

I sensed annoyance from Jasper at the direction of the conversation, and eventually, he pulled Alice aside.

"It's ridiculous," he said quietly. "Edward and Bella are not going to be able to live in the cottage, not in the condition she will be in when she wakes."

"We don't know that," said Alice. "It doesn't hurt to have it completed."

Jasper sighed impatiently. "He won't be able to handle her alone," he muttered. "And we have to leave."

I felt a stab of annoyance at his words, even though I could not disregard the layers of truth beneath them. Still…the vision of being at the cottage with Bella, living on our own, with Renesmee. A family. _My _family. An impossibility that suddenly seemed so tantalizingly, tortuously close, and I wanted to reach my hand out and grab it. Carlisle had handled me on his own, and I was, if nothing, faster than Carlisle. But, then, there was Renesmee, and the blood in her veins.

And even still, none of this mattered unless Bella woke up. Her still face seemed to fill the room. I lifted her wrist and breathed deeply. The scent of morphine was so very faint. How much longer would it act as an excuse for her lack of response? I was hit again with the perverse thought that I wished she would wake up, would scream in agony, anything, everything, to let me know she was still in there.

_Stop it,_ I thought viciously. _Don't wish pain on her, to ease your own suffering._ It should be a miracle, that she had been able to exist so peacefully as the venom obviously burned through her veins. That was, of course, assuming her unconscious state was painless. That the fire did not burn on some level.

My stomach moved into my throat, and I grasped Bella's hand tightly.

"I'm here, love," I whispered. "I'm with you." I kissed her cheek softly. _Let her escape the pain, please._

Suddenly, a mental call broke into my thoughts. Jacob. _Edward, we're coming back._

_We?_ I thought in alarm. I scanned his thoughts, and saw that he was racing towards the house with Sam beside him, and Jared and Paul following. What was he doing?

"Carlisle," I called softly. "Jacob is coming back, with some of the pack."

Jasper came through the door first, followed quickly by Carlisle and Emmett.

"What's going on, Edward?" Carlisle asked in a low voice.

"Jacob is returning – he's got Sam, Paul and Jared with him."

"He's bringing them here?" asked Emmett incredulously. I nodded.

"Damn it," snapped Jasper. "What the hell?" He paced over to look out the window.

"Hold on," said Carlisle calmly. "This may be a good sign. What do you see Edward?"

I scanned Jacob's mind, looking for answers. _Edward, listen,_ he thought, as if sensing my silent mental inquiry. He began to replay the memory of his confrontation with  
Sam in careful detail.

_As Jacob had penetrated the treaty line, he could see Paul and Jared running several yards out beside him, their eyes watching him closely. He slowed and phased into human form, thinking it the least confrontational way to approach Sam. Paul and Jared closed ranks in front of him, and he had followed them until the forest broke into a clearing._

_Sam was there in wolf form, waiting for him, flanked by Quil and Embry. Paul and Jared moved into place behind Sam, Paul taking the position of second. After regarding Jacob for several seconds with his cold black eyes, Sam phased._

_He stood in front of the wolves, arms crossed, face hard, and his voice like ice in Jacob's ears._

"_What are you doing here, Jake?" he asked. "Why have you come? As I can sense you maintain your Alpha status, I don't see that we have anything to say to each other."_

_Jacob's expression was stiff, but he was unsurprised by his hostility. He has suspected Sam would still resent being so blatantly defied when he left the pack. "My being an alpha, Sam, is not going to change. I couldn't change it now, even if I wanted."_

"_You can release the members of my pack you have taken, then," Sam snapped._

_Jacob sighed heavily. "Like I told Jared, Seth and Leah are free to leave at any time."_

_Sam shook his head. "Seth is too young and impressionable to make this kind of decision, and Leah…" He paused briefly, drawing in a deep breath. "She has emotional baggage that interferes with her decision process."_

_Jacob felt a flash of anger. "I think you underestimate them both. They are perfectly capable of making their own decisions."_

_Sam regarded him for a moment, and then blew out a breath. "I know you didn't come here to argue with me about this. I know you, Jacob. Something has happened; I can see it on your face. Tell me."_

"_Bella has given birth."_

_Sam swore loudly and the wolves exchanged looks._

"_What kind of creature did she have?" Sam asked quickly. "Did Bella survive? Has the treaty been broken?"_

_Jacob felt a flash of annoyance. "She had a child, not a creature. A very special child, who is not a danger to anyone. And the treaty has not been broken."_

_Sam looked surprised at Jacob's words about Renesmee, but relieved when he said the treaty had not been broken. "So Bella survived human."_

"_No," said Jacob quietly, pained._

"_Then she's dead?" Sam asked, shocked._

_Jacob shook his head. "No, the Cullens have changed her. She's in transition right now."_

"_So the treaty has been broken," Sam growled. The wolves behind him moved restlessly, closing in together._

"_Not exactly," said Jacob. "I gave Edward permission to break the treaty to save Bella's life."_

_There was a shocked silence, and Sam's eyes flared wide. "And who gave you the right to make such a decision?"_

"_My great-grandfather," said Jacob, his voice steady._

_Sam's eyes narrowed, his face black, but he did not respond. Jacob waited for a moment, and then went on._

"_The Cullens need to be able to move freely about their lands. I've come to ask you to call off the pack, and move back behind the treaty lines."_

_Sam shook his head. "The matter still remains of the offspring." He spat out the last word. "A child, you say. What kind of child? What guarantee do we have that it won't grow into something dangerous?"_

_Jacob looked down at the ground for a moment, and then back at Sam. "Her name is Renesmee," he said softly. "And that is the other thing, the most important thing, I have come to talk to you about."_

_He closed his eyes, letting thoughts of Renesmee take him for a moment, and the shine of her existence created a calm glow within him. He opened his eyes straight into Sam's._

"_I know she is not dangerous. She is gentle, and kind, and amazing. She's the most precious thing in the whole world to me. I have imprinted on her."_

_Sam's face froze. There was an endless, stunned silence at his words. Sam and the wolves behind him seemed frozen with shock. _

_Finally, Sam shifted, his arms falling loosely to his side. "That's impossible," he breathed. Jacob just watched him, waiting, and amazement filtered into Sam'e eyes. "I can see…see that it is true," he said, shaking his head in confusion. "Is it human?"_

_Jacob's eyes narrowed slightly. "_She_ is just a baby, but it seems like she is part human, part…vampire. A mix of her parents."_

_Sam's eyes widened. "Part vampire? Does she drink blood?"_

_Jacob crossed his arms, looking defensive. "Yeah, she does. Donated blood. She's trying other things."_

_Sam's gaze sharpened. "Is she strong? Can she be controlled? What about when donated blood isn't enough?"_

_Jacob growled in frustration. "Like I said, Sam, she's just a baby. But she's smart, so smart already. And she would never hurt anyone." He glared at Sam's skeptical face, and his voice grew softer. "If you could see her like I do, you'd understand. You would see how amazing she is. How wonderful."_

_Sam's face hardened. "You are obviously not capable of being a impartial judge of this situation, Jacob. You never have. You can't truly tell us she is not a threat."_

"_Sam!" Jacob's voice was loud now. "I've _imprinted _on her. You know what that means. What she means to me now. You, of all people, know." He took a step forward, his hands in tight fists. "You know there isn't anything, anything, I wouldn't do to keep her safe."_

_Sam stepped back, holding up a hand. "Jacob, you…she…you've imprinted on her. Regardless of my personal feelings, I would never harm her. But that doesn't mean I don't question if she is not a danger to our people."_

_Jacob glowered. Suddenly, there was a breath of wind, and Quil and Embry phased, stepping up next to Sam. He glanced at them sharply, but didn't say anything._

"_You really imprinted on Bella's kid?" said Embry, his voice astonished. "A half-vampire?"_

"_Yup," said Jacob. Embry's eyes grew even wider._

_Quil shook his head, and a small smile played on his lips. "That's twisted, man." Then he walked over to Jacob and slapped his hand on his shoulder. "But congratulations, Jake. Congratulations." He pulled Jacob into hug, and Jacob embraced him back, shocked and pleased._

"_Wow," said Embry, grinning. "Who'd have thought?"_

_Paul and Jared phased as well, their expressions a mingle of amusement and irritation._

"_Geez, Jake," said Paul. "Can't anything be easy with you? What's wrong with a regular girl?" Jacob smiled at him and shrugged, and then looked around his friends at Sam._

_Sam still stood back, his expression shocked, and guarded. He met Jacob's eyes. "Well, it's hard to understand, and it changes many things. And there is still much to discuss between us. However, I need to speak to Carlisle, first, before we can reestablish the treaty lines."_

So now they were headed towards our house, Sam and Jacob in front, Paul and Jared following behind. Jacob had already told Leah and Seth not to approach, but to meet them at the house. And, shockingly, it appeared that Sam and Jacob had discovered they could communicate with each other – not the intimate communication of Alpha and pack, but the ability to direct specific thoughts into each other's minds. A sort of bond among Alphas.

I refocused on my father and brothers, who were watching me expectantly. "Their trip is peaceful. Sam just wants to speak to Carlisle before the treaty is reestablished."

Jasper and Emmett exchanged looks. "We should intercept them in the woods," Emmett said, "before they get to close to the house." They started to turn towards the door.

"No," I snapped. "That will look confrontational."

"No kidding," Emmett grumbled.

"Edward," Jasper growled. "The last thing we heard from these wolves was that they were waiting till the baby was born to make their decisions. What if they have decided she's a danger? I don't want them anywhere near this house, or Renesmee." Protectiveness surged through his body, some absorbed from the family around him, but much of it springing from within himself.

"They know Jacob has imprinted on her," I said sharply. "Do you honestly think they would still hurt her?"

"How the hell do we know what those mongrels will do?" Emmett muttered. I heard Rosalie hiss in agreement downstairs.

"We have to give them a chance," said Carlisle. "This appears to be a peaceful meeting."

"Then why did Sam bring backup?" Jasper said.

"They're entering into enemy territory," I said. "What do you expect them to do?" But Paul and Jared did make me nervous. Why had he brought the most hostile members of his pack?

Jasper gritted his teeth. "How far out?" he asked.

"Hang on," I muttered, holding up a hand. I surveyed the forest surrounding Jacob through his eyes. "They are just coming up on the property line." I was starting to get a lock on Sam's thoughts.

_Stay back here,_ Sam thought to Paul and Jared as they approached our property. They ignored him, continuing to run behind in position.

_I said stay here!_ Sam's thoughts echoed with the command of the Alpha, and Paul and Jared stopped awkwardly, their paws seemingly glued on the spot. They both growled as they watched Sam and Jacob continue towards the house.

"He's left Jared and Paul in the forest. It's just Sam," I said softly. My brothers relaxed somewhat.

"Let's meet them on the front porch," said Carlisle. He looked at me. "Are you coming, Edward?"

I glanced up in shock, and then looked pointedly at Bella. "No," I said firmly. Carlisle's gaze lingered on me for a second, and then he waved the others on ahead of him.

_We may need you to mediate the conversation, and translate for Sam, _Carlisle thought, his eyes fixed on mine. _Will you be willing to come down if we need you?_

"No," I said softly. "I won't leave Bella. I won't go that far from her. What if she woke up and I wasn't beside her?"

"You could be up here in seconds," Carlisle said softly.

"No, I won't risk it," I growled. "I promised her I would be with her." I swallowed hard. "Sam will just have to deal with it." Carlisle watched me for another moment and then left, going down the staircase and passing through the front room where Rosalie, Alice and Esme sat, anxious, on the couch. Renesmee was still sleeping, content in Rose's arms. I contemplated whether I should have asked Carlisle to have the baby brought upstairs to me, so I could protect both her and Bella. I focused carefully on the situation outside, moving through the minds gathered, ready to move at even the slightest ghost of aggression, or danger.

As Sam and Jacob approached the lawn, they paused. Jacob looked to Sam.

_I want to remain in wolf form,_ thought Sam.

Jacob nodded. _Wait here,_ he thought. He phased, quickly pulling on clothes and then running across the lawn to the porch where Carlisle, Emmett and Jasper stood.

"Sam would like to talk to you about the treaty," he said to Carlisle. "But he wants to stay in wolf form. Where is Edward?" He looked around.

Carlisle frowned, and bent forward closer to Jacob.

"Jacob," he said softly. "Edward cannot leave Bella right now to translate. Please ask Sam if he will speak to me in human form. Assure him he is in no danger here."

Jacob blanched slightly, but then jogged back to the edge of the woods. Sam had heard Carlisle's words. He growled, irritated, and contemplated phasing so he could speak face to face with Carlisle.

_Don't do it,_ thought Jared. _It might be a trap._

_We're coming now,_ Paul interjected.

_NO!_ Sam commanded. He phased, pulling on shorts and fixing an intense gaze on Jacob.

"Do you trust him?" he asked in a low voice. Jacob met his eyes, and then turned to gaze up at the house through the trees. He looked back finally, inhaling deeply and then exhaling.

"I trust Carlisle with my life," he stated, feeling the truth of the words as he spoke them. I heard my father's quick intake of breath.

Sam bent his head to the side for a moment, looking at Jacob's face, and then nodded. _That is good enough for me._ He turned and strode forward, emerging from the forest with Jacob at his side. Seth and Leah were sitting at the edge of the lawn.

"Seth, Leah," he murmured, pausing and nodding his head at them as he passed. Seth shook his head in greeting, but Leah just stared coldly for a moment, and then turned and disappeared into the edge of the forest. From her thoughts, I got the impression she rather relished the freedom to turn her back on him.

Sam walked halfway across the lawn towards the house and then stopped, waiting, his arms stiff at his side. Carlisle started down the porch stairs.

"Carlisle," said Jasper under his voice. "Emmett and I will flank you several feet behind."

"No." Carlisle said, quickly stopping and turning to look at them, shaking his head. "He has come to meet me alone, I can at least do the same."

"I don't like it," Jasper growled.

"Have a little faith," murmured Carlisle, smiling. Patting Jasper on the shoulder, he walked down the stairs onto the lawn, walking towards Sam and stopping several feet away when he saw him stiffen.

"Sam, how are you?" Carlisle asked.

"I'm well, thank you, Carlisle," Sam answered in a low voice. They regarded each other for a few moments.

_I'll speak first, then_, thought Carlisle. "As I am sure Jacob has told you, Sam, we need to be able to move freely …

"You've created another vampire," Sam interrupted. Carlisle's expression grew somber, and he inclined his head.

"Yes, and I'm sorry to have gone back on our word. We never intended such a thing when we agreed to the treaty. But we were left with no other choice. Bella would have died without our intervention."

"Her life was in danger in the first place because of the _intervention _of your son in her life," Sam said in a cool voice. _It was against nature for him to ever pursue a human girl_, he thought angrily, and I clenched my teeth, the air in the room seeming to grow thicker, harder to breath.

Carlisle's lips grew thin, and he crossed his arms before inclining his head slightly in agreement. "Be that as it may, the transformation was done under the most dire of circumstances, in order to save her life. And Edward secured permission from Jacob before the transition."

Sam turned a hard look on Jacob. "Yes, I am aware of that." Then his eyes flickered behind Carlisle towards the house. "And Bella is still in transition?" he asked. Their legends told them that the transition from human to vampire was very painful, and he was surprised he could not hear her suffering.

"Yes," said Carlisle. "She is heavily medicated."

Sam raised his eyebrows. _Unexpected. _He hadn't thought that was possible, but he didn't question further. "And will you be able to control her when she is in her newborn state?" He remembered the newborns they had fought, their mindless, vicious attacks.

"My family will be able to take care of her," Carlisle said, his voice hard. "Neither my daughter, nor my granddaughter, are of any threat to your pack, or your people." _And they never were. _A rush of embittered anger washed suddenly through him at the memory of Sam's plans to murder not just Bella and her baby, but his whole family. _Esme, _he thought. _They planned to kill Esme._ This thought pierced his mind like a shaft of ice, making his muscles tense and his vision waver red. He breathed in once deeply to calm himself, trying to keep the animosity from bleeding into his eyes, knowing that threat had passed, and it was time to move on. _Resentment,_ he thought,_ will get us nowhere. It never does. _ His body relaxed as quickly as it had tensed.

Sam was watching him carefully. "Yes," he said softly. "I apologize for the earlier situation with regards to Bella's pregnancy. Although you must understand that I only ever had the safety of my people at heart." Emmett and Jasper glared at him, their faces dark, from the porch, and Rosalie growled softly inside the house. Sam glanced briefly at Jacob, and then went on. "However, Jacob has explained to us that he has imprinted on the…the child. And, it is one of the sacred principals of our people to never harm the object of an imprint."

A memory flashed though his head of a legend of a wolf's mate being killed by another wolf, and the bloody fight to the death that occurred, tearing apart the pack. _Tragedy._ Sam was determined to never see a repeat of such a disaster in his lifetime.

"More importantly," Sam went on. "Not only would we never harm the girl, we will, if ever necessary, protect her with our own lives, as we would the mate of any wolf of our tribe." He turned and looked at Jacob, putting a hand on his shoulder. Jacob nodded slightly at him in acknowledgement, gratified for this acceptance.

From within the house I heard Renesmee move restlessly, a small sigh escaping her lips, as she fought against encroaching wakefulness. Jacob's head whipped towards the house, the desire to see her, to check on her, flooding through him. He wrenched his attention back to the meeting.

Sam let his arm fall and turned to face Carlisle again. "However," he said in an even voice. "That does not mean I do not question if the child is not a danger to our people, and the humans in the surrounding vicinity. Is it safe for her to remain in such close proximity to humans, or should you leave the area? She craves blood, and she is young. We still have no idea what will happen as she grows, and if she will be willing to subsist on only animal blood, as the rest of your family does." _I do not want a dangerous unknown stalking these woods._

There was a general rumble of irritation through my family. _He's got a hell of a lot of nerve, _Emmett fumed.

_So damn high and mighty,_ thought Rosalie.

"Sam," Jacob growled, upset. But Carlisle held up a hand to him. "It's okay, Jacob," he said quietly. "Sam needs to protect his people."

_Patience,_ Carlisle thought to himself. _This is as new, and unfamiliar to them as it is to us. _His calm eyes watched Sam."I understand your position," he said softly. "It is true, she does crave blood. But she is also remarkably gifted, exceptionally bright, and I am certain her intellect will grow as she ages. I have no doubts she will be able to control her behavior. And, of course, she is surrounded by a loving family that will watch over her, and always have her best interests in mind."

_Gifted?_ Sam thought. He wondered if Carlisle meant this in a human way, or that she possessed gifts beyond what was natural, like her father. _And the dark haired female_. His eyes flickered towards Jacob, wondering if he would have mentioned such a thing. _What have they created with their crossbreeding?_ But he realized he had very little choice but to trust Carlisle's words. _Options are limited, _he thought. _To try to expel them from these lands would be disastrous, and Jacob would be lost to his home forever. _

"I understand," he finally said.

"Thank you," said Carlisle. "The treaty? We are anxious to have this discord between us settled."

Sam smiled tightly. "Yes. Like you, I would also like to see us return to upholding the original treaty, and again have peace between your family and the pack. Packs." His eyes flickered to Jacob again, and then back. He took a step towards Carlisle, his face serious, voice intent. "Still, while we appreciate the extenuating circumstances surrounding Bella's situation, I need to have complete assurance from you that your family will not endanger any more human lives, in any possible way." His eyes glinted, dark and slightly threatening.

Carlisle looked levelly at Sam, his thoughts flickering towards the inherent dangers Bella would present as a newborn, and the consequences of breaking a renewed treaty. _Edward will keep her safe,_ he thought. I squeezed Bella's hand. _He won't let her down._ Carlisle nodded at Sam. "You have my assurance."

Sam's face relaxed slightly. "I will need to speak to the elders of my tribe about the new developments, but I am within my power to agree to reinstate the original terms of the treaty." He stepped several steps forward and held out his hand. Carlisle came forward to meet him and shook it. They exchanged a few tense pleasantries, and then Sam and Jacob walked to the edge of the forest to talk.

I sighed, bringing my attention back to Bella, gently kissing her fingers until I heard Jacob hurrying back into the house, his eyes scanning for Renesmee, an almost desperate need to see her coursing through him. She was sitting on Esme's lap, awake now, smiling. She reached her arms out towards him, and Jacob's heart nearly stopped with relief, seeing her safe and happy, as he strode over and scooped her up. Esme smiled at him gently while Rose watched, her lips in a thin line. Nessie put her hand to Jacob's face, filling his mind with the vision of his back as he went out the door earlier. There was a questioning edge to the thought.

Jacob smiled. "I'm sorry I had to leave, Nessie. But I'm back now."

Renesmee's pleasure at Jacob's return was palpable. Even in the few moments they had spent together, her interest in him had intensified, the stirrings of true affection. She seemed to have been born with a natural affinity for Jacob, the foundation of a growing connection. I had even sensed her heightened interest in him while she had been in the womb. I knew from Jacob's thoughts that he felt that they were meant to be together, that Renesmee had felt the pull towards him even before she was born, and that was why Bella had been so desperate to spend time with him over the last several days.

On a certain level, I appreciated this idea. I liked the explanation of Bella's intense need to be with Jacob – there was a certain amount of relief in that. However, I also did not like it. For one, I was uncomfortable with the idea that Renesmee had been drawn to Jacob even before she was born. And I also just plain did not understand that concept. Were the objects of a wolf's imprint naturally drawn to the person? Beyond just the interest you would feel for someone who worshipped you. I had never been in the mind of someone who had been imprinted upon. Was it maybe that Renesmee was highly aware, even at that early stage, and could sense that Jacob was someone important, ultimately, in all of our lives? Or was there some other force going on? And, if so, what could it possibly be, and what might happen if it was subverted?

Sighing, I tried to shake away these unanswerable questions. Alice and Rosalie left after a while on their shopping trip, and the house went quiet as Renesmee fell into a light sleep in Jacob's arms. I turned my attention to Bella, laying my head on the pillow next to hers, and humming softly. I sang to her each song from our wedding, remembering how she had looked out on the dance floor with her father, her ivory skin flushed with happiness, her dress clinging and weaving as they rocked awkwardly back and forth. I remembered dancing with her myself, the feel of her body pressed against mine, my hand at the small of her back as we turned swiftly. The pleasure and love on her face as she looked up at me, the lavender backdrop of night all around us.

There was a knock on the door, and I was pulled back. Jasper. I got up and opened the door.

Jasper was standing in the hall, Renesmee awake and sitting up in the crook of his arm, a silver bottle held in his other hand. Renesmee had one of her hands nestled into his hair, the strands twisted all around her fingers. She was pulling with all her strength, and Jasper's head kept jerking to the side.

"Hey," he said, reaching over to fruitlessly try to disentangle her hand from his hair. She quickly made a grab for the bottle with her other hand. Jasper tugged it away, and she pulled on his hair again.

"Nessie," he moaned. She smiled at him, and then turned to me, her face lighting up. _Daddy,_ she thought, remembering the lullaby I had sang to her. Then she made another grab for the bottle, and when Jasper moved it out of her reach, her face fell a little and she placed her hand on his cheek. Both minds filled with the earlier vision of Jasper holding Renesmee, and feeding her.

"I know, darlin'," he said. He looked up at me. "Esme asked me to bring her up to you so you could give her a bottle. The girls are still shopping, and Jacob is on the front porch with Seth. She thought Nessie's dad ought to have a hand in feeding her."

I smiled, wondering if Jasper realized he was unconsciously using Jacob's nickname for Renesmee, and reached out to take her, but she wouldn't relinquish her grip on Jasper's hair. Whenever I tried to take her, she pulled harder.

"Let go, honey," I said, trying to pry her fingers open. Each time I would get one untangled, the rest would get all twisted again.

"Ugh," said Jasper. We moved into the room as a unit. He put the bottle on a shelf and then tried to help me release him from the baby's clutches. Renesmee's grin was huge as we struggled to unwrap her fingers. Finally, she let go, and I quickly took her in my arms. She reached up and grabbed a handful of my own hair and pulled. Then she placed her other hand on my face and thought of Rosalie feeding her. The thought had a sharp edge, and I smiled at her demand.

"I know, you're hungry," I said, kissing her cheek. I picked up the bottle and she quickly took it in her mouth, grasping it with her own hands and sucking hungrily. I glanced up at Jasper, but his eyes were trained on Bella. I realized he hadn't seen her since the birth and change.

"Do you sense anything from her, Jazz?" I whispered. He furrowed his brow, and stepped closer. His mind registered that she was only covered by a thin white sheet, and I felt a flash of annoyance. But his thoughts didn't wander past this observation. He reached out and held his hand over the skin of her arm, close, but not quite touching. He stayed that way, frozen, for several seconds and then shook his head, turning away and looking at me.

"I can't get anything from her. It's almost as if there…there is a heavy blanket surrounding her that I can't get through. I don't know how to describe it."

I sighed. "The morphine, maybe?" He shrugged. _Could be. Could be deadening her senses._ His eyes swung back to Bella, resting on her face.

_She's changing, _he thought. _She looks different_. I felt a flash of uneasy awareness at his words, which Jasper immediately sensed. He looked at me quickly. _You knew she would._

"I know," I said softly. He looked at me for a long second, feeling a wave of sympathy as he imagined what it might be like if it was Alice lying on that bed, and then left, patting my shoulder on the way out and quietly closing the door.

I stood next to the bed, Renesmee in my arms, drinking in long pulls from the cup. But I could not tear my eyes from Bella's face, from the truth of Jasper's observation. Less than twenty-four hours later, despite her silence, the physical change in her was evident. She had always been pale, but with the natural flush of all humans, heightened even further when she blushed, the blood warm and pumping beneath thin skin. Now her ivory skin had paled even further, a flawless, diamond white, visibly stronger, a fragile porcelain turning into strong, smooth china. She was beginning to show some of the changes I had observed in Alice's vision, her cheekbones more edged, the outline of her brows more pronounced, her eyes wider. All subtle changes growing ever more visible as the minutes passed, all changes that nature had decided led to a more obvious, enticing beauty to tempt the human eye, the prey.

I had always known that if Bella became like us, that her physical appearance would be altered. It had never mattered. I loved Bella for who she was, for the beauty within her. How she looked was inconsequential. And even I had always grudgingly appreciated what was to be gained from the loss of some of her physical human traits, the increase in strength and speed and durability that would make her so much safer, not just around me but in the world in general. There was so much to be gained from immortality, so easy to overlook the sacrifice of a few, precious, human traits. It had been the sacrifice of her soul that had concerned me the most.

And yet now, although I would never have admitted it to Bella, I felt a stab of loss for the human things that had been a part of the girl I love. For the endless brown eyes that had been all I could see when I ran away the first time I met her. For the face that had haunted me, and yet held me aloft, during six months of miserable exile. For skin that had felt warm and fragile beneath my hands, blushing heat as I stroked my fingers down her face. For the heartbeat that had filled my world each night. And even the scent, the burning scent that meant she was alive, and with me.

My love for Bella would never change. She would never change – regardless of how the venom altered her, she was the same person inside. But, for a moment, I felt a whisper of sadness for the human girl that I would never quite see again.

Renesmee made a small, contented noise in the back of her throat, and I glanced down quickly, realizing the bottle was empty. I placed the bottle on a shelf as she watched me with her eyes. Her brown, luminous eyes. And suddenly the world flipped over, and I realized Bella's humanity was not lost, never had been lost, and never would be. I held it cradled in my arms.

Renesmee reached to place a hand on my neck, and as she did the vision bloomed in her mind of Bella's face again, after her birth, strained, adoring. The vision danced with question, and anxiety.

"I know, sweetheart," I whispered, looking down at her. "She'll be with us soon." The worry behind her eyes faded a little and then she remembered me singing to her. The vision had the pointed feel of a reminder. _You promised._

I grinned. I lifted her onto my shoulder, and began humming Bella's lullaby, as she slept in her suspended state beside us. Then, remembering my memories of dancing with Bella, I began to sway back and forth and then eventually move around the room. Renesmee wiggled, delighted, and I whirled us around unexpectedly, clutching her to me, and she made a small, quiet sound of delight that made my heart soar. We danced about the office, and I closed my eyes against the worry and anxiety, about Bella's stillness, and Renesmee's rapid growth, and tried let happiness take us for a few moments, promising myself we would do this again when all was right. _If. When._

Eventually Esme, suffering withdrawal, came to take Renesmee. Carlisle measured her in their room again, noting another three quarter inch growth. He and Esme played with her in their room for a while, enjoying having her all to themselves. Eventually Esme brought her to Jacob, who was pacing anxiously downstairs, and he took her for a walk around the edge of the lawn, Emmett and Jasper tailing them, not very surreptitiously, about 100 yard behind.

About mid-afternoon, I caught familiar thoughts approaching on the highway. From what was flashing through Alice's mind, my sisters had purchased a staggering amount of clothing in the few hours they had been gone. Alice was cataloguing all the new clothes she had purchased for Bella, adding it to the row upon row of clothing she had already purchased while Bella and I were away on our honeymoon. Rosalie had purchased the remaining furnishings for the cottage, as well as bag upon bag of baby clothes, every color of the rainbow, including clothes that seemed designed for a small child, not a baby, and made my stomach clench uncomfortably at the thought that they may fit Renesmee soon.

They pulled into the driveway, and after a lot of exasperated dismay from Jasper and Emmett, they all entered the house with at least a dozen bags and headed up the stairs. I could see that Alice had held aside one bag, and she quickly appeared in my room, smiling broadly.

"How are we doing?" she said brightly.

"Alice, Bella will not appreciate all those clothes," I muttered. "I don't know why you insist on buying so much."

Alice narrowed her eyes. _Don't deny me my small pleasures, mister grumpy,_ she thought irritably. She walked over to Bella and touched her face gently, watching her quietly for a moment. Finally she glanced back at me, her smile growing impossibly wider.

"So," she laughed, flourishing the bag in her hand. "There I was, walking through the boutique, and it just appeared in front of me." She reached slowly into the bag, grasping something inside, her eyes twinkling. "Almost as if it was fate." She winked, and then pulled out a long, shimmering, blue silk dress

As absurd as the dress was for Bella, I couldn't deny the wave of satisfied contentment that washed over me at the sight of the dress from the vision, something so tangible and real, an undeniable sign that the moment Alice could foresee would indeed come to be. Alice's gaze shone on mine for a moment, and then we both closed our eyes and let her vision in, relishing it. It had grown remarkable clearer in just a day, showing Alice and I standing next to Bella. Alice's face was glowing, but mine was stiff, uncertain, my worried eyes on Bella. Jasper hovered behind Alice, his gaze intent on Bella. The blue dress sparkled in the center, crystal clear, clearer even than Bella's face, except for the blood red eyes.

We both sighed, and then opened our eyes. Alice pushed me playfully on the chest.

"Now get out," she said sternly. "I want to get her dressed. I've had enough of Bella and the sheet."

"I'll help you," I said, surprised.

"No." She shook her head. "I still have a few surprises for you." Suddenly, the image of a very small, lacy bra and panties flashed in her head, before she squashed it with a vision of white curtains.

"Too late," I said, grinning.

Her face darkened, and she crossed her arms and stomped her foot. "Damn it. Get out anyway." She kicked my calf. "And no watching!"

"Ow," I muttered. The well known risks of getting in Alice's way. I smoothed back Bella's hair, kissing her high on her forehead near her hairline. "Sorry about this, love," I whispered. "I tried to stop her." Alice hissed and shoved me again, contemplating another kick for good measure. I darted out of the way and went out to the hall.

I left the door cracked slightly, and stood next to it, leaning my back against the wall. The house was fairly quiet – I could hear Esme in Rosalie's room, looking through all the purchases as Carlisle watched her adoringly. He rubbed her back, and then leaned down to kiss her neck. I quickly focused somewhere else. Rosalie was downstairs fawning over Renesmee, Emmett's arm around her shoulders, their heads, dark against light, bent close together.

I crossed my arms and closed my eyes, letting my head fall back against the wall. What appeared before my dark vision was the lacy underwear Alice had purchased for Bella. My mind could not help conjuring up the vision of how they would look on Bella. Bella had worn similar ensembles on our honeymoon, and they had been beautiful, and tortuously tempting at the same time. But the sheer silk, and delicate lace had often only served to remind me of the fragile, ethereal skin that lay beneath them, just as easily damaged as the clothes themselves.

But now, Bella's skin would be strong, unbreakable. I imagined, suddenly, how it would feel to run my hand down her arm, without fear of hurting her. To be able to stroke the skin of her back, feel it soft yet supple beneath my hands. To truly caress the contours of her body, uninhibited, my hands able to freely…

Suddenly, the door down the hall opened, and I was broken from my reverie. I turned my head swiftly, eyes opening, and saw Jasper poke his head out into the hallway, his expression confused. He turned and caught sight of me, and amusement lit in his eyes.

"All right, there, Edward?" he said in a low, amused voice. I realized suddenly, with mortification, that Jasper had been able to sense what my thoughts of Bella's body had been doing to my emotional state. I grimaced. His smile grew at the look on my face.

"No worries, bro," he said lightly. He shifted, and then glanced at the doorway behind me. "But will you be needing Alice much longer?"

I rolled my eyes. "She's getting Bella dressed."

"I'm almost done, Jazz," Alice called from the bedroom. "Hold your horses."

Jasper grinned widely. "Well, send her my way when she comes out." He raised his eyebrows and winked, and then ducked back into the bedroom.

Anxious from being even several feet away from Bella in the hall, I went back into the bedroom. Bella was stunning. I walked slowly over, and put my hand on one of the shoes Alice had slid onto her feet.

"The shoes are ridiculous, Alice," I muttered, "and she will hate them. But, thank you. She looks beautiful." I smiled at her, and she beamed back. We both glanced down, looking at Bella for a moment, quiet. Her chest rose and fell with her breaths, the only discernable movement.

"Alice," I whispered. "Did you get any reaction from her, when you were dressing her?"

_No, _she thought sadly, her smile faltering. I thought of Alice's vision of Bella, just the one, silent, still picture. Complete, and yet, solitary.

"Can you see anything else? Other than the one image? Can you play the vision back, or forward?" She shook her head swiftly.

"No," she whispered, looking at Bella's face, and then down at the floor. "I've tried. That one moment seems set." Her face fell completely, and I realized she had been hiding something. "My vision…" Her voice faded, anxiety sketched on her face.

Suddenly, the door swung open and Jasper strode over to her, quickly putting an arm around her shoulders. "What's wrong, Alice," he asked anxiously.

She looked up at him, and then over at me. "I thought," she said quietly, "when Jacob left, I thought I would be able to see clearer. But I can't. I still can't see around Renesmee. I can't see Renesmee." Her mind played a jumble of blurry attempts, shots of Esme filling bottles, Carlisle walking with a measuring tape in his hands, but only large holes whenever she tried to see Renesmee. I felt a steel shaft of distress lodge itself within me.

Alice hunched over, as if a weight was pressed to her shoulders, and put her face in her hands.

"Shh," said Jasper, rubbing her arm. "Let's think about this. When Bella was carrying the baby, you could not see them clearly."

Alice nodded.

"So, it seems, it was always Renesmee," said Jasper, "who was interfering with your vision. Now that she is out of Bella, you can see Bella again."

"Just the one vision," Alice said, looking up.

I breathed, trying to think calmly. "But Bella is still a little blurry within that vision," I said quietly, looking at Alice, and analyzing the picture of Bella in the mirror. "She has grown more distinct, but you, Jasper and I are still much clearer."

"I always see our kind clearer," she said matter-of-factly. "I am a vampire, so I see vampires."

"But you can see Bella," said Jasper. "And you aren't human."

"No," she said quickly, "but I _was _human." Then she froze for a second, and looked at both of us, and we stared back. She had once been _human,_ but she had never been…

"Oh," Alice squeaked. "I need to talk to Carlisle."


	23. Rebirth

**I apologize if you get multiple alerts - something went wrong with the first upload!**

_Much love for all the reviews. Thank you so much!!_

_I'm in debt to betas lada_8 and noamg for all their assistance and wonderful suggestions._

_Song for this chapter: _Someday_ by Rob Thomas_

_(also see poem in endnotes)  
_

_The amazing Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight!_

* * *

"I," Alice announced loudly, "have never been a werewolf or half-vampire."

Carlisle and Esme stared back at her blankly.

"Gee, thank for the news flash, Alice," Emmett muttered downstairs.

I smiled to myself. I had already seen Alice's train of thought as she had left my room, dragging Jasper with her to find Carlisle and Esme. I felt somewhat relieved by her reasoning, by an explanation for her inability to see Renesmee.

Alice could not see the werewolves, or Renesmee, because they were, essentially, a different species from her. And, simply, she could not see what she was not, or had never been. The idea made sense – I suspected Carlisle would agree, considering it's more scientific foundations. We already knew that Jacob had twenty-four pairs of chromosomes, whereas we had twenty-five. In time, I imagined we would discover that Renesmee had similar genetic makeup to Jacob, or perhaps even something completely new, which, either way, prevented Alice from being able to see her. We had suspected it as a possibility before she was born – now it seemed confirmed.

I found this scientific explanation pleasing. Although I didn't completely discount our earlier theories about the wolves – I did still think that the ability to phase also interfered with Alice's visions. The wolves' interference often seemed to block entire chunks of the future, whereas Renesmee seemed to create holes, blind spots. To some degree, it seemed like Alice could actually see around her. Time would tell. But, fundamentally, the answer lay with her ability to see only her own kind, or what she once was.

"Fascinating," Carlisle murmured, listening to Alice's explanation.

Jacob was listening intently downstairs, please by this new revelation, as if this genetic link between Renesmee and him that hid them from Alice's gift somehow bound them even further, if that was possible. I sighed, feeling a wave of irritation. I remembered how angry Jacob had been a couple days ago, when it had been suggested there might be a similarity between him, and the unborn baby. _Do not compare me to that thing, _he had growled. Now, he would look for anything that would tie them even tighter together.

As the clock chimed six o'clock, Carlisle moved downstairs, still deep in conversation with Alice, to measure Renesmee. As soon as she saw him, she placed a hand on Rosalie and remembered earlier in the day, how she had stretched out while Carlisle measured her.

Rose nodded at her. "That's right, sweetie. It's that time again." They lay Renesmee on the couch, and Carlisle measured her length, and head circumference. Her growth rate remained alarmingly steady, and Carlisle's mind reflected all the answerless questions of my own. As soon as he finished and sat up, Renesmee unexpectedly flipped over onto her stomach, almost falling off the couch. My entire family, and Jacob, gathered for the measuring, all lurched forward to catch her, seven pairs of arms colliding and tangling with each other.

Jacob scooped her up first, his shoulder banging into Rose's in the process. She hissed, grabbing his arm.

"I've got her," snapped Jacob.

"Give her to me," Rosalie growled.

"Rose," sighed Esme. "You've had her for a while. Let Jacob spend some time with her."

"Charlie, five minutes," Alice suddenly said softly. Esme tensed, turning to Carlisle, her expression upset. She hated lying to Charlie. Somehow it struck her as a betrayal of another parent. He put an arm around her, drawing her close.

As my family moved quietly below us, I hummed softly to Bella for a while. I wanted to write a composition for Renesmee, and I played with several possible melodies, searching for the right one. Eventually, after Charlie had called and been put off for another day, I heard the decision made to give Renesmee a bath. Alice sprang upstairs to get the tub ready, and I heard more soft footsteps on the stairs a few minutes later. Esme poked her head into the room. Her eyes were excited.

"We're going to give Nessie a bath," she said, smiling. "Want to help us?" _Her first bath. You should be there._

I looked down at Bella's sleeping face, and felt a sudden pang of sadness at all she was missing, all the various _firsts _I had heard Rosalie and Esme cataloging in their minds. It didn't seem right, not to share them with her.

"We'll get the next one," I murmured, trying to smile, massaging Bella's hand with my fingers.

Anxiety crossed Esme's face. "All right," she said gently, her eyes falling onto Bella for a long moment. Then she disappeared into the hallway.

Watching through Esme's eyes as she entered the bathroom, I could see that Alice had gone typically overboard preparing the tub for Renesmee. Huge mounds of bubbles floated on the top of the water, and the edge of the tub was lined with every conceivable bath toy. Rosalie held Renesmee as Esme undressed her, while Alice flittered around them. All three were practically giddy with excitement. Carlisle came in and sat on the edge of the counter, looking pleased.

"Bath time!" squealed Alice, clapping her hands. Rosalie knelt next to the tub, Alice and Esme quickly getting on either side of her, and gently lowered Renesmee into the warm water.

Renesmee's small mouth formed into a perfect O as her feet hit the warm water. Her eyes grew wide, and she watched the bubbles that floated as high as her head. She reached out slowly, cupping some in her small hand, and then looked around at the faces watching her. Suddenly, a huge smile lit her face and she let out a small shriek of happiness.

It was the first true noise she had made, aside from some small whimpers and contented noises. Everyone froze briefly in shock, and I heard Emmett and Jasper leap up the staircase, hurrying down to the bathroom. Jacob loitered at the bottom of the stairs, uncertain if he could come up.

"She's okay, Jacob," I said softly from the room. "She's just happy." He relaxed, his eyes lingering upstairs for a few moments before heading back to the couch.

Emmett and Jasper crowded into the bathroom with the others, Emmett moving to stand behind Rose while Jasper lingered near the back, watching. Esme had begun washing Renesmee with a washcloth, while Rose held her carefully and Alice danced a rubber duck in front of her face. Nessie kicked her legs excitedly, grabbing at the duck. She pushed it into her mouth, biting off a piece before throwing it out of the tub. She looked around expectantly, and Alice handed her another one.

"Watch this, Renesmee," Rose said. She filled her hand with bubbles and blew, scattering them into the air. Renesmee squealed, and then reached out her own hands, capturing a handful of bubbles. She brought the bubbles up to her own mouth and tried to blow them, but ended up inhaling them instead. She spluttered, and tears filled her eyes.

Everyone crowded in, horrified at the sight of her tears. Rosalie glanced around, looking panicked.

Emmett fell to his knees next to Rose. "Aw, don't cry, Ness," he said, leaning over the tub. He gathered up bubbles in both his hands and plastered them all over his face. "Look at me, I'm Santa Claus," he boomed, laughing. "Ho, ho, ho!"

Renesmee stared at him blankly for a moment, then her features shifted from confusion to delight, and she began to shriek with laughter. She raised both hands up over her head, chortling, and then brought them down into the water, sending a wave up at Emmett and splashing everyone gathered around the tub. My family cried out in surprise, trying to dodge the water. Emmett rocked back onto his heels, his face and hair soaked. He rubbed the water out of his face with his hand, laughing loudly.

Renesmee reached up with her hand for Rose, her little fist opening and closing urgently. Rose leaned down and let her touch her neck. Her mind filled with a vision of Emmett, his face covered in bubbles, and then dripping with water. She replayed the image several times quickly. It was the mental equivalent of "again, again!"

Rose smiled, looking at Emmett. "She wants you to do it again."

Jasper snorted with laughter. Emmett glanced at him, his eyes narrowing slightly before looking back at Renesmee.

"Sure thing, kid," he said smiling. "But first, we don't want Uncle Jasper to feel left out." He scooped up a handful of water and bubbles and threw it at Jasper, hitting him square in the face.

"No water fights, now, boys," Esme laughed, trying to sound stern. Alice giggled, tossing Jasper a towel. He dried his face, laughing, and then threw the towel at Emmett's head.

After Nessie played "splash Uncle Emmett" at least a dozen more times, Esme kicked the men out of the bathroom so they could finish the bath. I could see in Rosalie's mind she was planning to bring Renesmee to me after the bath, and soon I heard a soft knock on the door.

"Come on in," I said quietly. Rosalie came into the room, Renesmee in her arms wrapped in a thick, pink towel that appeared to have some sort of hood that went over her head. Her brown eyes peaked out from underneath, framed with wet curls. She struggled inside the towel, trying to reach out her arms to me.

"Thought you might like to help get her ready for bed," Rose said softly as I lifted the baby from her arms. I smiled gratefully. Rose bent down, placing another towel on the floor. We both knelt, and I placed Renesmee on her back, unwrapping her. Her skin was pink and flushed from the bath, radiating heat, her sweet, lilting scent intensified by her damp curls. She kicked wildly, glad to be free of her bounds.

Rose handed me a folded outfit, and then slid a diaper on Renesmee. I unfolded the outfit – it was pink, of course, one piece, with snaps that went down the front and between the legs, with little, lacy white cuffs on the ankles and wrists. I carefully unsnapped the outfit, and then tried to catch Renesmee's feet. She kicked and squirmed, trying to roll over. I put one hand on her chest and tried to feed a foot through the ankle of her outfit, but she kept pulling it back out. I let go of her upper body and grabbed her foot, and she giggled and flipped over.

Rose laughed loudly and I glared at her. "Enjoying this?" I muttered.

"Tremendously," she sighed. _I knew you couldn't be good at everything!_ She flipped Renesmee back over, placing her lips on her stomach, and blew raspberries while Renesmee squirmed with delight. While Rose had her distracted, I caught each foot and stuffed it into the outfit. I slid it under her body and we each carefully threaded an arm through, and then Rose swiftly did up the snaps. She handed me a pair of tiny pink socks…_more pink…_and I slid them onto Renesmee's feet.

_There,_ I thought, feeling pleased. Rose let go of Renesmee, and she immediately flipped onto her stomach, and then pushed herself back with her hands until she was in a sitting position. In Rosalie's mind, I saw that this was a physical milestone of a six to seven month old baby. Not a child who had been born the day before.

This observation made me feel strangely conflicted. On one hand, there seemed to be an automatic feeling of pride, that Renesmee had mastered this milestone so quickly. _My child._ And yet, there was deep fear, and anxiety, that her accelerated development was not a blessing.

Rose had brought a small, white brush, and she began to pull it through Renesmee's curls. Renesmee stilled, her brown eyes glowing up at Rosalie, her face relaxed. She enjoyed the sensation. When Rose finished, Renesmee reached her small hand out for the brush, and Rose let her take it. She turned it over a few times, carefully feeling the bristles.

"Edward," Rosalie said softly. I glanced up to find her looking at me intently. "I have something for you." She reached into the pocket of her pants, and pulled out my mother's ring… Bella's ring now. She held it between her fingers, and we both looked at it silently for a moment before meeting each other's eyes.

"She gave it to me when she was pregnant," she said, smiling slightly. "She was afraid she would swell up, and not be able to get it off."

"I know," I murmured. I had seen the exchange in Rose's mind a couple days after Bella and I had returned from Isle Esme. I had been hurt, at the time, that Bella had not given it to me for safekeeping. But, I had imagined that the symbolism, however unintentional, of Bella giving me back my ring, at that time, would have been too painful for both of us.

Rosalie glanced at Bella. "Of course, as it turned out, it was more likely to have slid off her finger, she got so thin." Her voice trailed off slightly, and then she shook herself. "Anyways, I thought, maybe, it was time you gave it back to her." She looked up at me, and held up her hand. I took the ring from between her fingers.

"Thanks," I whispered. I felt overwhelmed suddenly with emotion, filled with an immense gratitude towards Rosalie for safeguarding the ring for Bella, for protecting Bella, and for caring for our daughter while we couldn't. I looked up at her, trying to form words.

"You don't have to say anything, Edward," Rose said softly. I nodded.

Suddenly, there was a loud snap. We both glanced down quickly. Renesmee had broken the hairbrush into two pieces. She frowned at the fractured pieces for a moment, and then tossed them aside, looking dissatisfied. She looked up at us and then reached out a hand. I could see the vision in her mind, but Rose bent down so Renesmee could touch her, filling her mind with an image of me feeding her.

"Hungry," I said smiling. Rose put her hands under Renesmee's arms and lifted her into her arms as we stood up.

"She's almost finished everything we've got," Rose said, smiling back at me. "Carlisle is going to go out in the morning to get some more. He says he can get it locally, since it doesn't matter what blood type it is now."

"You know, he hasn't given up on the formula," I said, and Rosalie laughed.

"Say goodnight to Daddy," she said to Renesmee. I leaned forward and kissed her cheek. Her soft breath caressed my face, and I moved back slightly, smiling down at her. Her eyes gazed up at me, with an incredible depth and awareness, and she reached forward to touch me lightly with one finger. The memory I could see in her thoughts was simple - my face - but her message was clear. Her feelings shone in the way her mind wrapped lovingly around the image, in the gentle tenderness and affection that exuded from her.

"I love you too, Renesmee," I whispered. She smiled brilliantly. She truly was my miracle.

After they left, I went over to Bella and looked down. I caressed the soft, gold band of the ring between my fingers. The ring had been one of the few possessions of my parents I had kept with me through the years, the rest sold long ago or locked away in various safe deposit boxes. But the ring I had kept, a memento to my parents, of love, and lives lost. But in all the years the ring travelled with me, never, _ever_, did I dream that one day it would be worn by someone I loved. I wasn't truly sure if Bella had ever fully realized what it had meant to me to place this ring on her finger.

Reaching down, I lifted up Bella's hand, and slid on the ring. I stared at it, glittering against her white skin, for a long moment, and then bent over and kissed the back of her hand.

"I love you, Bella," I whispered. "Thank you for marrying me." I sat down next to her, keeping her hand in mine, and listened as Renesmee fell asleep cradled in Rosalie's arms. Jacob was asleep soon after her. Eventually Carlisle, Esme, Alice, and Jasper left to do some last minute work on the cottage, and a deep quiet fell over the house. Midnight came and went, the hours passing in a ghostly silence. Finally, I thought, perhaps I might read aloud to Bella. If she could hear me, I was sure she would like that. I stood up and moved over the vast shelves that lined the walls of Carlisle's office. As I glanced through the titles, slightly rearranged since I last looked, a black book with gold trim caught my eye.

_Romeo and Juliet._

I sighed and reached out, smoothing my finger down the spine, closing my eyes, remembering.

_One fairer than my love? The all-seeing sun  
Ne'er saw her match since first the world begun._

Today was the twelfth – tomorrow would be Bella's birthday. Almost a year ago I had murmured those words in her ear, her soft body tucked next to mine on the couch at her house, my hand running lightly up and down her spine as I savored the small shivers I elicited. The film flickered on the TV in front of us. I had not spoken lightly, or quoted mindlessly that day, for she had been, always was, my sun, the brilliant fire of my existence that burned day and night, and I had wanted to bask in her glow forever. I had been cocooned in that moment, foolishly relaxed in the all too precarious illusion I had allowed myself to create, trying desperately to ignore the whispers in the back of my mind. How I had not anticipated that it would be just a few hours from that time events would come to be that would drive me away from her.

I glanced out the window at the forest, the strains of autumn evident even under the thick night clouds. I could see the turning leaves, some blowing down in the sharp breeze, others already fallen, death and rebirth on the forest floor. And I could only be reminded of that terrible afternoon I had left. The way the gathering leaves had brushed along our feet as we walked into the woods behind her house, her hand in mine for the last time. How the cool, dry fall air had brought a flush, and a chill, to her skin as I leaned down to press my lips to her forehead, one final kiss. The blurred colors of the forest – yellow, red, orange - as I ran like the wretched wind, ran away, forbidden to slow or look back, the vessel of my body ripped and emptied, my only sensation a searing, ruthless pain.

I felt a deep, embedded ache in my chest at these memories. It threatened briefly to pull me under, into the regrets that lurked, always, in the far corners of my mind. I waited a long moment for the shadow to pass, and then turned to look at Bella's sleeping face.

_All these woes shall serve  
For sweet discourses in our time to come._

I had thought, even after I came back, that I would always associate this time of year with those dark days. That this would always be a time that echoed of remembered pain. A time of leaving. Now, though, with Renesmee's recent birth, and Bella's anticipated reawakening, it seemed like these days might be reassigned as those of joy. An anniversary to be celebrated. Once I finally had my love at my side. Once she awoke. _If._

Looking at Bella, motionless, glowing like the purest ivory in the pale light of night, I was reminded for a moment of Juliet, beautiful even in death. _No,_ I thought suddenly, shaking my head. _Bella is not dead._ If nothing, her quiet heartbeats and shallow breaths told me that much. I walked over and stood next to her, gently running a finger down her cheek, her skin now a lustrous, fluid marble, so near to matching the feel of my own. I brushed my thumb back and forth against her soft lips.

_Beauty's ensign yet  
Is crimson in thy lips and in thy cheeks,  
And death's pale flag is not advanced there._

"I miss you," I whispered. I cupped her cheek with my palm. "So much. I'm waiting, right here, for you to come back." _Your smile, and your touch – they are the light of my existence._ _Please come back to me, love. _

I scoured her face for any movement, any response. Finally, I went back, pulled the book off the shelf, and began to read aloud.

After a couple hours of reading, I heard Alice coming back through the forest, calling me._ Edward, Edward!!_ Her visions of the day had bloomed unexpectedly, showing a series of shots of me sitting next to a still Bella. Another one of Carlisle standing beside us. A number of moments of Alice and Esme at the cottage. _And one more!_ Alice was gleeful. It was a vision of Bella, still as always. And then she opened her eyes.

"Oh," I breathed, standing up. "Oh." Alice replayed it again and again as she flew into the house and upstairs. Each time the movement in Bella's face sang through me, as her eyes flew open, her crimson pupils a shock and a miracle at the same time.

Alice appeared in the doorway. She placed her hands on either side of the door frame. "Everything is becoming more defined," she said excitedly. "The moment is coming."

"Do you see anything else beyond that?" I asked hopefully.

She shook her head. "No, just the one vision with the mirror. In fact, I can't see any of us after Bella wakes up." She walked over and touched Bella's face, fondness shining in her eyes. "Once she's awake, it's all up to Bella. And I know she'll amaze us."

Then she looked up at me, her eyes dancing, and I knew she had figured something else out.

"What, Alice," I said anxiously. Her eyes moved off mine, and towards the window behind me. She walked over silently, looking up, placing her palm against the glass.

"Cloudy today," she said softly. "And I see rain tomorrow." She whirled around, and her face was on fire with delight. "And I don't see rain in any of those visions. It's today, Edward. I think she will wake sometime today. By the look of the light coming through the window, I would say in the afternoon."

"Oh god, Alice" My voice was choked. "Do you think so? That would be only two days."

She nodded. "I do."

"Wait," I said, looking around wildly. "The clock, Alice." I pointed to the clock on the wall. "The clock." She glanced up, and then closed her eyes, trying to gain a perspective on the clock. The outline of it was on the wall, but the hands were too blurry to distinguish. She sighed, and then shrugged her shoulders, opening her eyes.

"Either way, it's today, Edward," she said smiling. "I feel it." She ran over and gave me a quick hug. "I'm going to tell the others."

"Alice," I said. "I want to talk to Jasper about…"

_Do you think the mind reader can hear us yet?_

I paused, confused, trying to place the unfamiliar thoughts that had just moved into range. Alice watched me carefully.

_Who knows? Hey, hello out there! We come in peace._

_Yo, Edward!_

Quil and Embry, I realized suddenly. Coming to talk to Jacob. I put my hand on Alice's arm.

"Alice, let everyone know the time frame. And could you ask Jacob to come up to see me?"

Alice raised her eyebrows in surprise, but nodded, disappearing swiftly out the door.

I searched the wolves' minds, trying to see if there was anything wrong that precipitated their visit. But it seemed to be just a friendly visit, although I could see in Quil's mind images of Sam telling Billy Black the situation with Jacob, Renesmee and the treaty. Billy's eyes were wide, his face pure shock. At his shoulder stood Sue Clearwater, her eyes intent on Billy, looking at him with an expression I had seen many times on her daughter's face – fierce and protective.

I realized that Jacob truly needed to go home in the near future and speak to his father himself. I expected, however, that this was not advice he would appreciate getting from me.

_Incoming_, thought Embry.

_Seth or Leah?_ Quil wondered.

Seth came into view within the trees. _Oh, thank god,_ thought Embry.

There was a soft knock at the door. I moved swiftly over, opening the door as little as possible and sliding out into the hall to speak to Jacob, leaving the door just slightly ajar behind me.

His expression was strained. _Still expecting me to snap and kill him_, I mused. I put him out of his misery quickly.

"Quil and Embry are heading in to see you. They're just past the property line. Just a friendly visit – nothing wrong. Seth met up with them a couple minutes ago."

"Oh," Jacob said, his voice filtered with surprise. "Great, thanks." His eyes flickered momentarily to the door behind me, and then he turned to leave.

"Jacob, wait," I said, reaching out to touch his arm. "I don't know if you heard Alice before, but it appears that Bella will be waking up later today."

Jacob's eyes widened with more surprise. "That's great." His smile was weak, and his eyes looked warily at the door behind me again.

"Listen, Jacob. When she wakes up, you might want to clear out of here for a while. She's going to wake up thirsty. Warn Seth and Leah, too."

Surprise flitted across Jacob's face. "But I don't want to leave," he said quickly. "I thought my kind wasn't a temptation?"

I smiled wryly. "Well, yes, generally your stench reduces your appeal. But you've seen how wild and impulsive a newborn can be. You have a heart beat, and blood, and that will be enough to put you in danger."

Jacob stared at me silently for a long moment, and then his eyes narrowed. "But… Renesmee?" he asked.

I could feel his protective instincts flaring, and irritation clawed at me. "What about Renesmee?" I asked in a low voice.

He gaped at me. "If you are worried about me being near Bella, how can you possibly let her near Renesmee?"

"That is none of your concern, Jacob," I said coolly. I was well aware how carefully the situation with Bella and Renesmee would have to be handled. I did not need him questioning me about my own daughter's safety. "We will keep her safe."

"But she has a heart beat, and blood, like me. And I'll bet she smells better to your kind than I do! How can you leave her in the same house with a bloodthirsty newborn?" he growled.

"Because Bella is her mother!" I snarled. My voice grew louder. "And it's none of your damn business, Jacob! This is exactly the kind of thing I was worried about, letting you stay here!"

"Everything about Nessie is my business!" he shouted.

Something inside me, something that had been suppressed, snapped. "She's my daughter," I yelled. My hand shot out, grabbing the front of his shirt. Emmett and Jasper appeared instantly on either side of him, steel in their faces. He tried to pull a step back, glancing quickly to either side before resting his gaze on me, his hands up.

"I won't fight you," Jacob whispered. "I won't." And I knew he wouldn't. For Renesmee.

Carlisle appeared at my side. He put his hand on my shoulder. "Edward," he said in a warning voice. _You're overreacting. He just wants to make sure she is safe, like the rest of us._

I let go. "Do you honestly think I would put Renesmee in any danger?" I hissed. "Or put Bella in the position of hurting her own daughter?" Jacob shook his head, but I could see the doubts lingering in his mind. "_I_ am responsible for their safety and welfare."

Jacob nodded again, looking resigned._ I understand, Edward. I know._ But I suspected he wasn't done worrying about this yet. He didn't want Bella near Renesmee until we were sure it was safe.

I sighed with irritation. "Go downstairs, Jacob," I said quietly.

He looked at me for a long moment, and then took another step back, as if to leave, before he paused, frowning. He looked uncomfortably around at Carlisle, Emmett and Jasper. "Uh, Edward," he said quietly. "I…I'd really appreciate it if I could tell Bella myself. You know, about me, and Renesmee."

I glared at him. He'd picked the wrong time to ask for a favor. He looked slightly panicked at my expression, and took a quick step towards me.

"Please, Edward. I have to do this myself. We…Bella and I, we have a lot of history, and I… I just need a chance to let her know in my own way. Please."

_Oh, say yes, Edward, _Emmett thought. _It will be excellent fun watching him tell Bella. She's going to flip._

I sighed, rolling my eyes internally. "All right, Jacob. If I can possibly avoid it, I will leave it to you to tell her. Although I think it would be a lot safer for you if I let her know when you are miles away, where she can't kill you."

He laughed nervously. "I'll take my chances."

"There's a pack of mutts on the front lawn," Rosalie called up the stairs. Embry, Quil and Seth had arrived. _It's like we're living at the god damned dog pound,_ she thought irritably.

Jacob smiled wider, turning and bounding down the stairs. I looked around at everyone. "So, you heard, about Bella. This afternoon."

"Yes," said Emmett, clapping his hands together. "This is going to be a fun day!"

Jasper glared at him sideways. "We should make some plans."

I nodded. Carlisle squeezed my shoulder, smiling. _It's wonderful news, Edward. _"I'm headed out to the clinic for more blood for Renesmee. I want get there as soon as it opens, so I can return quickly."

He looked at the room behind me. _She is still unresponsive?_ I breathed out, and then nodded again. He patted my shoulder. "I'll be back shortly." He turned and hurried down the stairs, Emmett behind him. He kissed Esme lightly at the door and then left, heading for the garage.

I looked back at Jasper, and was surprised to see his expression intense. He was staring at the wall as if he could see into the office behind me.

"Something's changed," he whispered. I searched his mind. He had sensed a change in Bella.

_Damn!_ I whirled, flying back into the room. But Bella was still unconscious. Jasper followed behind me, moving slowly until he was standing right next to her.

"What do you feel, Jazz?" I asked quietly.

His brow furrowed, and he shook his head slightly. "The…the blanket has been lifted, I feel something now, but…" He breathed in and out slowly a couple of times, trying to tease out the emotion he felt emanating from her.

I watched and waited as he struggled for several minutes. For Jasper, some emotions were very easy to identify – sadness, anger, happiness. Panic. Fear. Sometimes feelings were more vague, but if he knew the situation, and was aware of the context, then they could be more easily interpreted. But there were many other shades of the emotional spectrum that were not easily labeled. Jasper was very, very good at distinguishing the feelings around him, but sometimes even he was unable to fully understand, or articulate, what he was sensing.

"Control," he said finally. "I don't know how else to describe it. I feel like there should be pain, or fear, but I can't…I can't access it. It's reigned in too tightly. Whatever emotions are within her, they are overpowered by control."

I frowned. That didn't seem to make much sense. Maybe he was misinterpreting, searching for an answer where there was not one? I bent very close, whispering quietly in her ear. "Bella? Love?" I inhaled, and then froze.

_The morphine_. The scent was completely gone from her blood. I stood up slowly, my chest tightening like a vice. "Why don't you go and plan with the others, Jazz," I said softly. "I think I should stay alone with Bella, as much as possible, now." I didn't look at him, but I could sense his confusion. "Keep the baby downstairs from now on, all right."

"Okay, Edward," he said, "whatever you want." He stood for another moment, watching me, and then left, closing the door softly behind him.

I sat down slowly, placing my hand on Bella's arm. The morphine was out of her system. And still, she didn't move. _Why, oh why, was she still unconscious?_ True fear, falsely kept at bay under the illusion that the morphine was keeping her still, now rose up with full, overwhelming power. I felt paralyzed by doubt, and confusion, and frustrated by the reality that there were no answers to be had, no recourse to but to wait, and hope. Never before had I wished more desperately to see into her mind. It occurred to me, in that moment, that perhaps I might soon be able to, when she became like us. In the back of my mind I felt a small thrill of excitement at this thought. That would be a gift beyond measure. But for now, she remained closed to me.

I sat unmoving next to her as the minutes passed. Eventually Jacob, beaming with pride, brought Renesmee out onto the porch to meet Embry and Quil, and see Seth again, while my family milled nervously by the windows. Despite their size, the Quiletes were surprisingly gentle and deft as they passed Renesmee around, each holding her in turn. Renesmee soaked up the attention, charming them with her smile and stunning them with her gift.

Once Nessie was safely back inside, Jasper talked quietly with Emmett and Alice, who had never lived with a newborn vampire. He talked about keeping Bella calm, her mood steady. No sudden movements, and if she had to be dealt with physically, to not let her get her arms around your body. I could see in his mind that he planned to be near her at all times, to use his gift to help maintain her mood and reduce, as much as possible, the need for physical restraint.

Eventually, I heard the car pull into the drive and then around to the garage. Carlisle was back. He came into the house, and he and Esme began to fill the refrigerator with blood. Renesmee stirred, and began to make soft, whimpering noises as she neared waking.

"Give her back to me," Rosalie snapped at Jacob, who was holding her. "She'll be hungry."

"I can feed her," Jacob responded, irritation lacing his voice.

"No, you can't."

"Rose," Esme called from the kitchen, her voice slightly disapproving. "Bring Jacob a bottle." Rose gritted her teeth, standing up and stomping out to the kitchen. _Fine, _she thought. _But I'll take my damn time doing it. _

I listened as Rose enacted her revenge, loitering around in the kitchen and taking her time getting the bottle ready, during which time Renesmee, now fully awake and hungry, bit Jacob. He was very good natured about it, of course - there was really nothing in this world that could make him upset with Renesmee.

Carlisle finished filling refrigerator, gave Rose an exasperated look as she lingered by the kitchen doorway, and then headed upstairs to see Bella.

He stood for a moment in the doorway, taking in my strained expression. _Everything okay, Edward? May I check her? _I nodded, and he moved silently into the room. He went over to Bella, pausing over her for a moment, listening, and then he pressed his fingers gently to the inside of her wrist, checking her heart rate. _Eighty-six,_ he thought. _A little higher than yesterday._ He glanced up at me.

"Still no change?"

"None," I whispered. Over thirty-six hours since I'd initiated the change, since I'd punctured her heart with a syringe and pierced her skin in countless places, forcing venom into her system, and she had still showed no sign of regaining consciousness.

Carlisle bent down and inhaled near the inside of Bella's wrist. _Oh._ "There's no scent of morphine left."

"I know," I said softly. Carlisle furrowed his brow. _What is attributing to her unconscious state?_ He leaned close to her ear.

"Bella? Can you hear me?" He watched her carefully, eyes scouring her face for any sign of response. She retained her unearthly stillness, and I was helpless against the rising tide of my worst fears. _Something is wrong._

I glanced up, and Carlisle met my eyes. _Could she be awake, and scared to respond? Confused? That seems unlikely – if she had any level of consciousness, she would not be able to remain so still against the pain. But try talking to her, Edward._

I wrapped my hand around her fingers. "Bella? Bella, love? Can you open your eyes? Can you squeeze my hand?" I didn't get a response, and didn't expect one. I couldn't believe that if Bella was awake, she would not have responded sooner. She would be writhing in agony if she were conscious.

_Something is wrong_. It had to be. I pressed my face into my hand.

"Maybe… Carlisle, maybe I was too late." She had gone too long without a heartbeat. Venom could bring someone back from the brink of death, but it could not revive the dead. Was that what I had tried to do here, and failed?

"Listen to her heart, Edward. It's stronger than even Emmett's was. I have never heard anything so vital. She'll be perfect." _Her wounds have completely healed – the venom is doing its job._

I looked over her body, glimmering in blue silk on the table, her skin strong, smooth. _Perfect,_ as Carlisle had said. But was it just an illusion, a perfection that masked something irretrievably broken within? Were we blind to injuries the venom had not been able to reach inside her body?

"And her – her spine?"

"Her injuries weren't so much worse than Esme's. The venom will heal her as it did Esme."

But Esme had thrashed and screamed, strong and vital within the burn of the venom as soon as her physical injuries had healed. I remembered. I had helped to hold her down on the bed, prevented her from hurting herself, listened to Carlisle's words and thoughts as he had agonized, and apologized, and worried if he had done the wrong thing.

Carlisle could see these memories reflected in my eyes. _She's going to be okay, Edward._

"But she's so still," I whispered, glancing away from him back to Bella's face. "I must have done something wrong." It was not supposed to be this way.

Carlisle put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed. "Or something right, Edward. Son, you did everything I could have and more. I'm not sure I would have had the persistence, the faith it took to save her. Stop berating yourself. Bella is going to be fine." _She's in there, somewhere, Edward. You haven't lost her. I know it's confusing, but for some reason she is unable, or unwilling to respond. She'll emerge, whole, as soon as she's ready._

_Unwilling? _Why would Bella be unwilling to respond? Or unable? I tried to imagine Bella trapped in her body, racked with pain, unable to reach out for help or comfort. It made me physically ill. It was beyond nightmarish.

"She must be in agony," I said, my voice rough.

Carlisle sighed. "We don't know that. She had so much morphine in her system. We don't know the effect that will have on her experience."

_But the morphine is gone_. I place my other hand gently on her arm. "Bella, I love you," I whispered. _Dear god, if she's in there, anywhere, please let her know that one thing. _"Bella, I'm sorry."

Downstairs Rosalie had finally swept out of the kitchen, handing Jacob the bottle with one her sweetest, most lethal smiles. Nessie had already bitten Jacob two more times.

"Here you go," she simpered. Jacob looked up at her and grinned, not giving an inch.

"Thanks, _Rosie," _he said loudly, taking it from her hand. The others hid smiles as Rosalie crossed her arms, scowling.

"Your welcome, _Fido,"_ she growled, turning on her heel and stalking across the room and up the stairs. _I'm going to take a shower and try to wash this stench off! _ Emmett trailed behind her.

Carlisle looked at me, raising his eyebrows. _They are at each other's throats down there. I think it's getting worse. Do you want to catch Rosalie in the hall…?_

"No, I'm staying right here," I said quietly. "They'll sort it out."

"An interesting situation," said Carlisle. _A werewolf and a vampire, mortal enemies, fighting over who is going to feed the baby._ "And I'd thought I'd seen just about everything."

"I'll deal with it later. We'll deal with it." I pressed Bella's hand again.

"I'm sure, between the five of us, we can keep it from turning into bloodshed."

I sighed. Jacob was going to have to learn to give Renesmee, and us, some space, especially after Bella woke up. But Rosalie was going to have to accept that Jacob would be a permanent fixture in Renesmee's life, and hence hers, and ease up on all the mental, and verbal barbs. Because I couldn't stand listening to the two of them bicker for the next god knows how many years.

"I don't know which side to take," I muttered. "I'd love to flog them both." That was actually an extremely agreeable idea. "Well, later."

Carlisle glanced at Bella. "I wonder what Bella will think – whose side she'll take."

I laughed lightly. I imagined her first inclination would probably be to kill Jacob, just as mine had been. _Maybe not._ "I'm sure she'll surprise me. She always does."

Carlisle left with a smile. I glanced over at the half read book, but I was too tense now to continue reading aloud. I simply sat and watched Bella, waiting. Alice ran out to the cottage again, wanting to put the finishing touches on Bella's, or technically _our,_ closet. Time ground to an excruciating halt, the clock on the wall moving with taunting slowness, each individual tick seemingly stretched out over several minutes.

Rosalie and Emmett took Nessie for a walk in the woods, and Carlisle and Esme talked in low murmurs in their bedroom for a while. Finally, midmorning, I heard Alice returning from the cottage. She had the good sense to come straight up to see me.

"How much longer?" I asked impatiently as soon as she entered the room, scanning her mind. I caught a glimpse of the gargantuan closet she had created in the cottage before it was replaced with her vision of Bella. Bella's form was barely indistinguishable from ours –bright and sharp.

"It won't be long now," Alice said. "See how clear she's becoming? I can see her so much better now." _I can see her as I would one of us,_ she thought happily, sighing, still relieved to be able to see Bella at all. Then her eyes tightened, thinking how she would never see Renesmee.

"Still feeling a bit bitter?" I asked.I knew it literally drove her crazy not to be able to guard over Renesmee's future.

"Yes, thanks so much for bringing it up," she groaned. "You would be mortified, too, if you realized that you were handcuffed by your own nature. I see vampires best, because I am one; I see humans okay, because I was one. But I can't see these odd half-breeds at all because they're nothing I've experience. Bah!" She began to desperately try to look for Renesmee in the future, as if she could somehow prove wrong the theory she had just pronounced so loudly.

"Focus, Alice," I said. I was afraid she'd only make her head ache again.

"Right," she said, concentrating on Bella. But I suspected she'd be trying to see Renesmee again later. I wondered if she would ever give up and accept the limitation. Probably not.

The vision crystallized again, Bella framed by Alice and me, her eyes fixed on the mirror. How desperately I wished I could see what she was going to do next.

"Bella's almost too easy to see now," Alice said happily. She flipped through the scenes of today, Bella's eyes opening, and then to Bella in the mirror. There was no mistaking the vitality of Bella in this vision, even without movement. Whatever happened, it was clear that Bella would wake. She would rise off the bed. She would stand next to me, and gaze at her reflection.

"She's really going to be fine," I breathed.

"Of course she is." _When will you learn not to doubt me, silly?_

"You weren't so sanguine two days ago." I thought about the gouges Alice had put into her own face when she had feared Bella dead, gone. When Bella's future had threatened to disappear from all of us.

"I couldn't see right two days ago," she said softly. She cringed at the sudden memory of those awful seconds, Bella's future gone, and her heart silent. Alice's mind reflected back further, to the moment Bella had blurred right out of the future in her mind, the moment when Bella had decided she wanted Renesmee. Together we watched a cascade of memories, the echoes of the blurred agony she had felt as she strained to see anything of Bella's future, obscured by Renesmee.

_That girl of yours was trying to be the death of me!!_ "But now that she's free of all the blind spots, it's a piece of cake."

"Could you concentrate for me? On the clock – give me an estimate."

"So impatient. Fine. Give me a sec-" She changed the perspective, trying to see the clock on the wall again. Two faint dark lines appeared now, the hour and second hand. Still blurry, but they seemed to point to the right of twelve o'clock – maybe late afternoon, early evening? It was mid-morning now – not much longer.

"Thank you, Alice," I said.

Alice was admiring Bella's future reflection in the mirror. "She's going to be dazzling."

"She always has been," I growled. Alice snorted and rolled her eyes.

"You know what I mean. Look at her."

I smiled. She _was_ spectacular. _And mine._

_I'm counting on this vision coming to be! _Alice thought. _Promise me I can be there the first time she sees her reflection. _I nodded and Alice grinned at me and then left with a silent breeze. She let my family know about the time frame, and a nervous anticipation swept the house. As time passed, most of them fell into tense stillness. Alice, Carlisle and Esme stood near the back window, watching the light move through the clouds from the pale glow of morning to the high sky of afternoon. Emmett and Jasper stared blankly at reruns of college football on the wide screen. Jacob and Rosalie were quiet as well, only an occasional argument over the baby. Even Renesmee seemed to sense the tension, dozing more than usual, and playing quietly with various toys and objects Rosalie provided her when awake.

I found myself unconsciously counting Bella's heartbeats. It was something I had sometimes done as I lay next to her in bed, my brain automatically collecting the beats that reverberated through my body while she slept next to me, at once passing the time, and confirming she was safe, and healthy. Now, it was all I heard as a heavy veil of silence seemed to descend on the house. And so we waited, unable to do anything more.

Thirty thousand, two hundred and seventy-six heartbeats after Alice left the room, Bella's heart began to speed up. The shift in speed was swift and sudden, clearly discernable, each heartbeat steadily coming faster that the last.

_This is it!!!_ My mind screamed. The beginning of the end – it always came with the rapid pounding of the heart.

"Carlisle," I called quietly, but he and Alice were already on their way up the stairs. They came in swiftly, both of their eyes flying right to Bella.

"Listen," I murmured.

"Ah," Carlisle said. "It's almost over." _She never awoke. Never had any apparent pain. This in an incredible miracle._

Alice's eyes burned bright, visions flicking at light speed through her mind. She was running downstairs. Coming back up with the others. Standing gathered in the corner of the room. Bella's eyes flying open.

She bounced on her toes with delight. "Soon!" she said, smiling. "I'll get the others." Rosalie wasn't in her visions. She searched, finding her obscured, blurred out by Renesmee. "Should I have Rosalie…?"

"Yes –keep the baby away."

Suddenly, Bella's fingers twitched. We all gasped in surprise, and I grasped her hand eagerly.

"Bella? Bella, love?" I asked anxiously. But she didn't respond, her fingers again limp and motionless in my hand. I glanced up anxiously at Carlisle. He met my eyes.

_We need to be ready. This could happen at any moment, _he thought. _We need Jasper._ He looked pointedly at Alice.

Alice took in our silent exchange. "I'll bring them right up."

I looked back down at Bella, her heart beating at a relentless, furious pace. I gripped her hand in mine.

"It's okay, Bella, it's okay, Bella," I chanted. "It's almost over. Almost over. I'm right here. I'm with you, love, I'm with you." Vaguely in the background I heard my family filing into the room.

"By the door," Jasper whispered. "Emmett, next to me. No, Carlisle, you stand with Esme. Alice behind us."

"I want to see her," Alice said eagerly.

"Get behind me, Alice," Jasper hissed. Alice sighed. "Stay still everyone, no movements, when she first wakes. Don't even breathe. Don't do anything that might surprise or antagonize her."

And then, suddenly, as Bella's heart, somehow, began to beat impossibly faster, her body arched violently off the table.

"Oh, god," I moaned in panic. Her chest was thrust forward in tight agony, while her limbs continued to lay slack at her side. But her face. _Oh, her face. _It was tortuously strained, every muscles clamped against pain and agony.

_How is she not screaming?_ Emmett wondered.

I clutched her hand even tighter. "I'm sorry, Bella. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, love." My voice was cracking. _Oh, please let this end._

_It's all right, Edward, _thought Carlisle. _This is what we expected. This is the end._

_Be quiet, Edward,_ thought Jasper anxiously. _Don't say anything, or touch her when she wakes._

Bella's heartbeat overtook me then. It thundered through me, relentless and intense, all I could hear, all I could feel. The raging beats set off every alarm in my mind. _Too fast!! Too fast!! _After so long of protecting her heart, my mind couldn't seem to accept that this speed was what we wanted. The raging beats seemed to stretch on endlessly, a marathon of agony and fear, when, suddenly, everything paused, constricting into a single, loud, hollow beat. Deathly silence followed for a fraction of a second, and then her heart skipped twice, paused again, and then beat one last melancholy time. One last tribute to the humanity that had created the beautiful woman I loved. One last effort from the heart that had kept her alive for so long. One last beat. And then it fell quiet.

There was pure silence for several moments. My family stood frozen, not moving, not breathing, waiting on edge. Watching. Wondering. Except for Alice. _Five, four, three, two, one..._

Bella opened her eyes.

And then Alice's mind exploded with visions. Bella smiling in my arms. My family, standing in the window, smiling down. Silver stilettos flying through the air into the house. Bella leaping the river. Bella scaling a tree. Bella and I at the cottage door. A thousand images seem to flutter through her mind.

_Oh, Edward, _she moaned in satisfaction.

I could watch only Bella. She was perfectly still, except for her eyes, crimson red, which moved almost imperceptibly, clearly taking in her surroundings. Suddenly, she inhaled, and her eyes shut ever so briefly, as if she was reading, memorizing, the scents around her. Then they opened again, and I could see wonder, and amazement reflected in their depths. Slowly those emotions spread to her face, and out to Jasper, and as her calm wonder washed over him it spread out to everyone in the room. There was almost a collective breath of relief as my family relaxed.

_Ah, she's doing well, Edward, _thought Carlisle._ Amazingly calm. _

_Stay still, _Jasper instructed me.

I wanted to say something to her, but I knew Jasper wanted me to give her time to take in her surroundings, to acclimate herself. I waited impatiently for her to look at me, for her to speak, her hand in mine. She continued to stare silently at the ceiling, and as the moments passed I began to feel anxious, worried she might be confused or upset. I wanted to make sure she knew I was here with her.

Jasper caught my emotions. _Patience, Edward. Just wait._

But I couldn't help it. I gave her hand a small squeeze.

Her reaction was shocking, and instantaneous. She flipped off the table with incredible grace and speed. My hand, still in hers, was pulled forward until she whipped her fingers out of mine with blinding strength.

_Christ, _Jasper thought, as he and Emmett threw their arms out in front of the others.

_She'll be fine!_ Alice called, trying to peer around Jasper as he held her back with his arm.

Bella whirled once in mid-air, landing several feet away, and immediately moved into a defensive crouch. Her eyes glowed, bright and intense, and her expression was defensive.

_Way to go, bro,_ thought Emmett, a slight grin playing on his lips.

_Oh, Edward, you scared her, _Esme lamented.

Jasper was watching her intently, trying to figure out the direction of her emotions. Anger or fear would probably mean an attack on me, since it had been my small movement that set off the defensive instinct, or possibly the family, as the larger threat. Thirst would mean stopping her before she got out the door. _You keep her from going out the window, Edward, _he thought.

I realized my hand was still out in the air, my body pulled slightly over the table. Bella remained crouched, hands up in front, ready. Her eyes were cool, wary, her face guarded. We stared at each other. She looked at me, unemotional, as if she had never seen me before.

_She hates me,_ I thought with wretched certainty. Just as I had always feared. _She hates me for doing this to her._

Her eyes eased sideways, taking in my frozen family. She inhaled, testing the air again, as if searching for something. _For danger_. Her gaze lingered on Alice for a moment, who was grinning broadly, unperturbed. Then her eyes came back to rest upon my face.

_Be ready, Edward,_ Jasper thought.

But then, unexpectedly, Bella stood up, leaving her defensive pose, her face still guarded, but more relaxed. Her hands fell to her side. Jasper frowned in surprise, but lowered his hands very slowly, and Emmett followed his lead. Her eyes roamed for a second over my face, and then her expression, miraculously, softened. Her eyes filled with a soft warmth and wonder as she looked at me. Suddenly, she was the girl I knew and loved.

And so, finally, the relief flowed into me, warm and healing. _Awake. Alive. Safe. _We had done it. _She'd done it. _It took all my strength to remain still, to strangle the urge to rush over and gather her in my arms. Instead, for a moment, I just drank her in. The cascade of her hair. The curve of her face, the sleek lines of her body, fluid with movement. She was incredible, beauty and power and strength in a sinuous, graceful form.

My entire family was staring at her, captivated. _She's so lovely,_ thought Esme.

_Oh, man, Edward._ Emmett's gaze was appreciative. _You hit the jackpot._

Needing, wanting, _having _to be closer to her, I began to move very slowly around the table.

_Slowly, Edward, _thought Jasper.

I watched her carefully, deliberately placing my feet at a measured pace, allowing her ample time to anticipate where each step would be, exactly where my body would move the next moment. I kept my hand up, stretched towards her, a gesture of invitation, and her brilliant eyes watched each movement I made. I paused on the other side of the table, waiting to see if she would speak.

"Bella?" I asked quietly.

She seemed to start slightly at the sound of my voice, her eyes growing even more intense. I waited, not wanting to rush her, to allow her time to take it all in. I knew she was hearing, and smelling and seeing everything as if she had never experienced her senses before. I not only recalled this from my transition, but had also experienced it in the minds of my family, and I knew how unsettling it could be. I hoped she wasn't upset, or scared.

"Bella, love? I'm sorry, I know it's disorientating. But you're all right. Everything is fine."

She frowned slightly, anxiety fluttering across her face. Her body stiffened slightly, and I could see her mind working behind her eyes. I realized, if I just leant forward a little more, I could touch her with my hand. I lifted my fingers slightly, and Jasper shook his head minutely at me. _Don't._

But I had to let her know I was here for her, I had to connect with her in some way. Moving excruciatingly slow, I let my fingers glide down the skin of her cheek.

Her eyes widened, burning within the crimson pupils. Her lips parted slightly as she sucked in a quick breath. I paused, unable to quite distinguish her reaction. I cupped my hand onto her cheek, waiting for her to speak.

_It's just going to be a hug!_ Alice suddenly thought anxiously. Before I could read what she meant, Bella's arms wrapped swiftly around me.

_God dammit jesus christ be careful Edward! _Jasper ranted mentally. He went to make a move towards us, but I shot him a sharp look, Alice's hand tight on his arm. It _was_ just a hug.

_Unexpected, _mused Carlisle.

I reached my arms tentatively around Bella, gently laying them against her back. In my mind, I knew I didn't have to treat her so carefully anymore – she was no longer fragile, breakable. But my limbs couldn't seem to accept this yet, so long trained to handle her as a delicate, precious object. I sighed against her, ecstatic over the physical connection, amazed and pleased that she would want to touch me at this point. I couldn't believe that thirst was not controlling her every desire – I wondered how long this could hold.

Bella's embrace grew tighter. I was taken aback by the unfamiliar, sheer strength that flowed from her limbs. She pressed her face to my chest, her hands digging into my back. Suddenly, I could feel things bending the wrong way, and I realized, in a second or two, there would be a crack. A sharp pain began to bloom in my chest. I panicked slightly, not wanting to push her away, but knowing she would be even more upset if she hurt me. I tried to subtly adjust my position.

She noticed immediately. She looked up at me, hurt and confusion painted on her face, as she, of course, interpreted my gesture as rejection. _Damn. _

_Here we go,_ thought Jasper, tensing, ready. He exchanged a look with Emmett, and they both crouched slightly.

Alice rolled her eyes. _She'll be fine. I don't see her attacking at all. Just reassure her, Edward. _

I felt a flash of anger at myself for upsetting her, but kept it carefully concealed, not wanting to agitate her further. It was her strength that was the problem, not her.

"Um…carefully, Bella. Ow."

She froze, and then whipped back from me, her hands shooting behind her back. Concern flooded her face.

"Oops," she mouthed silently.

_God, how I love her. _A smile of joy broke out on my face, happiness singing throughout me at having her awake, standing before me, and finally being able to speak with her, and see her familiar expressions, and reactions.

"Don't panic, love," I said, my finger tips brushing her lips. "You're just a bit stronger than I am for the moment." A small creased appeared between her eyebrows as she thought this through. I ran my fingers down her cheek again while I waited for her to accept this alien concept, that she could hurt me.

And then her expression altered, her face suddenly aglow with warmth and affection. Her hand moved from behind her back, very slowly, inching up towards my face.

_Careful now, son, _Carlisle thought.

_Don't let her put her arms around you again, Edward, _Esme fretted.

Jasper was still worrying. _She's incredibly calm, but her mood could swing at any moment…_

I shut him out. I shut them all out. I understood that they were just worried, for both of us, but they couldn't see the look in Bella's eyes as I could. Their depths may have been an unfamiliar color, and the face they sat in may have changed, but in her gaze was an expression I had seen a million times. An expression that never seemed less than miraculous. An expression she held only for me.

Her fingers, no longer hot against my skin but instead emanating a simple warmth, stroked softly once down my cheek.

"I love you," she said.

Her voice shimmered like gold, flowing through my mind, the nectar of the gods, clear and new, and yet layered with familiar undertones. And everything melted away in that instant, her words a salve for a thousand worries - all the waiting and anxiety of the last two days, the crushing black cloud of agony and despair during her pregnancy. The dread that had clung to me since the day, so long ago now, that I first saw Alice's vision of Bella's red eyes. It all lifted in this moment, seemingly weightless now, blown clear away by the beauty and love and life in her face.

I looked down into her eyes, past the unfamiliar crimson irises, and into the soul I now knew, with complete and utter certainty, was still there. And I spoke the simple, absolute truth that was the blazing center of my universe.

"As I love you."

* * *

_A/N - Don't worry that's not the end!!_

_I plan to post the story I wrote for the Haiti compilation in the next week or so. It is called _Deliverance_ and it is Jasper's POV of Renesmee's birth – make sure you have me on alert if you would like to read it :)_

_The part where Edward remembers leaving Bella is partially inspired by this poem I have always loved by Rod McKuen:  
_

I stood watching  
as you crossed the street  
for the last time.  
Trying hard to memorize you.  
Knowing it would be important.  
The way you walked,  
the way you looked back over your shoulder at me.

Years later  
I would hear the singing of the wind  
and that day's singing would come back.  
That time of going would return to me  
every sun-gray day.  
April or August it would be the same  
for years to come.

Man has not made the kind of bromide  
that would let me sleep without your memory  
or written erotically enough  
to erase the excitement of just your hands.

These long years later it is worse  
for I remember what it was  
as well as what it might have been.

_I appreciate your reviews!!!_


	24. Instinctive

_Thank you, thank you, as always for all of the wonderful reviews. Lots of concerns that this was the end, but this section of the book is very detailed. Lots of SM's dialogue in this chapter. So, at least two more chapters after this one, going through to the end of Bella's second day. Also, thank you to everyone who read and reviewed Deliverance._

_I am indebted to noamg and lada_8 for catching all of my mistakes, and their wonderful comments._

_Songs for this chapter:_

Hungry Like The Wolf_ by Duran Duran (ha, ha – just kidding (sort of :) )._

Say Hey (I Love You)_ by Michael Franti – a happy song for a happy Edward._

_Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight._

* * *

Very gently, I took Bella's face in my hands, holding her between my palms, eternally mine now. I bent down slowly and kissed her softly, once, twice, feeling the waves of love and thankfulness rising and cresting, breaking over me.

And then, for once, _finally, _I followed my natural instinct and deepened the kiss, opening my lips, pressing into her and inviting her into me. I tasted her on my tongue – sweet, honey ambrosia - as I inhaled deeply, pulling her luscious scent eagerly down my throat, still floral, still freesia, but purely delightful and exquisite now instead of tempting. Her tongue met mine, and then further, and the feel of her in my mouth was like nothing I'd ever experienced. Bella pressed her body against mine, curving one leg up slightly and wrapping an arm around my back, as I leaned into the embrace, kissing her even harder with an unfamiliar, carefree abandon.

How much I had always been holding back. Much, much more than even I'd realized. To know that I wouldn't, _couldn't_, hurt her, to be able to truly experience this with every portion of my mind – no burn, no venom, no _fear – _was beyond the brilliant power of this small act of letting go was so amazing, I reeled at the thought of what it would be like to let go with Bella in other, more intimate ways.

_Whoa, there, Edward_, Jasper thought, laughing internally. _Do you mind?_

Emmett cleared his throat. _Get a room, bro!_

Bella pulled back as soon as she heard Emmett clear his throat, stepping away from me, chagrin on her face. I stepped with her, keeping her body against mine. I wasn't embarrassed – I'd witnessed enough intimate moments amongst my family, albeit most unintentionally, that they owed me this. And I didn't want to let her go yet. I still couldn't believe she was content this early on to let me hold her.

Bella breathed deeply, gazing up at me, slight surprise glowing on her face. I realized she was surprised by the intensity of the kiss– letting go a little had clearly been a good thing.

"You've been holding out on me," her voice rang, eyes quizzical.

I laughed, thrilled by her reaction, by her very presence, safe and well in my arms, _finally_. Bella had survived, her body now as enduring as our love, and we would never again be apart.

"It was sort of necessary at the time," I said. "Now it's your turn to not break me."

My family shifted around, laughing lightly, both amused and curious. _Such control, _marveled Carlisle. He stepped around Emmett, smiling, and walked towards Bella, his expression only slightly cautious, while Jasper ghosted behind him, nervous. Carlisle stopped about two feet from Bella.

"How do you feel, Bella?" he asked. Bella paused, thinking, for a fraction of a second.

"Overwhelmed," she said slowly. "There's so much…" She trailed off, looking distracted.

"Yes," said Carlisle, remembering the cascade of sensations when his transition had been completed. "It can be quite confusing."

Bella nodded quickly. "But I feel like me. Sort of. I didn't expect that."

Her words were such a delightful relief. I wanted her to feel like herself, for this transition to be as painless as possible. My family all smiled, their minds dancing with happiness for both of us, and I hugged her to me.

"I told you so," I said quietly.

"You are quite controlled," Carlisle mused. _Just amazing._ "More so that I expected, even with the time you had to prepare yourself mentally for this."

Bella's expression fell slightly, unhappiness passing through her eyes. "I'm not sure about that," she whispered.

Carlisle nodded, not wanting to downplay whatever distressing feelings she was experiencing. _The morphine_, he suddenly remembered. His expression lit slightly with a doctor's curiosity.

"It seems like we did something right with the morphine this time. Tell me, what do you remember of the transformation process?"

Bella was silent for a long moment. Tension coiled inside me, waiting with dread to hear what she went through during those unconscious days. I tried to breathe steadily, exude a calm I did not feel.

"Everything was…very dim before. I remember the baby couldn't breathe…"

Bella suddenly glanced up at me with stark horror in her eyes. I felt a jolt of realization that she had no idea what had happened with Renesmee, except that she had been born safely.

"Renesmee is healthy and well," I said quickly, wanting to allay her fears. A thrill of excitement rocketed through me, and I realized I couldn't wait to introduce Bella to our extraordinary, miraculous daughter. I saw some of the worry drain out of her eyes as she regarded my expression, replaced by quick curiosity. But I wanted to broach the reality of her transformation first. Had she been in pain? Had she heard any of the events that had transpired throughout the house while she was unconscious?

"What do you remember after that?" I asked.

Bella's face went very still. "It's hard to remember," she said, her voice impassive. "It was so dark before. And then…I opened my eyes and I could see _everything._"

"Amazing," murmured Carlisle, delighted with the concept that the morphine had been so effective. But behind him, I saw Jasper's lips press together, a slight frown on his face.

His eyes flickered to mine, and he tried to clear his thoughts. _It's nothing, Edward._ But I had seen that he didn't think her words matched her emotions. Or what he felt from her the last portion of her transformation. Alice's face was skeptical as well next to him, as she tried to discern Bella's expression.

I looked at Bella. She was keeping her eyes carefully on Carlisle. I didn't know if perhaps Jasper and Alice were being unnecessarily paranoid. Bella must have so many emotions and thoughts flying through her mind right now – it was too hard to interpret her expressions. We would just have to trust her words. And I wanted them to be true.

Carlisle was convinced the morphine had been the difference for her. "I want you to – to tell me everything," he said.

Anxiety flashed quickly across Bella's face. _Hmm,_ thought Carlisle, annoyed with himself. _Perhaps it is not the time for this discussion._

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Bella," he said quickly. _I apoligize, Edward. How thoughtless of me. _"Of course your thirst must be very uncomfortable. This conversation can wait."

Bella's eyes suddenly seemed to burn brighter, and she put her hand to her throat, as if feeling the fire we were all familiar with for the first time. Jasper, who was concentrating carefully on Bella, received a wave of thirst from her.

_Better get her out to hunt, Edward,_ he thought.

_Oh boy, I can't wait to see this, _thought Emmett with delight.

I unwrapped my arms from her body, and grabbed her hand, pulling her gently towards the window. "Let's hunt, Bella." Venom burned the back of my tongue at the thought, and excitement coursed through me at the prospect of finally sharing this portion of my life with her. I no longer needed to shield her from this part of me, of my nature, and now it would never separate us again.

But Bella resisted my pull, her eyes widening with shock, dismay washing over her features. I smiled a little. For most newborns, who were all instinct, the urge to hunt was so strong that it happened unthinkingly, with practically no reservations. That was how I had recalled it, for myself and others.

But Bella was so very calm and controlled. To her, the idea of hunting must seem like a very surreal concept. She didn't realize, yet, that when the scent was close enough, instinct would take over, no matter what kind of control she was displaying now. Of that I was sure.

"It's quite easy, love," I said, my voice encouraging. "Instinctual. Don't worry, I'll show you." But her expression remained stiff, unsure. I raised my eyebrows, grinning, trying to lighten her fears. "I was under the impression that you'd always wanted to see me hunt." Even when I had been more likely to end up hunting _her_.

Bella's expression shifted quickly, warmth lighting her eyes as she suddenly laughed. Her eyes seemed far away for a moment, maybe filled with memories. I gave her a second to adjust.

"Shall we?" I reached up and ran my fingers slowly down her throat, thinking that her burn was probably ten-fold my own. After everything she had been through the last few weeks, she shouldn't have to endure any more pain. "I don't want you to be hurting," I said softly.

"I'm fine," Bella said dismissively. "Wait. First."

"Yes?" said Carlisle with interest.

"I want to see her. Renesmee." She pulled her hand out of mine, clenching the gown at her stomach, her eyes suddenly glazed over with emotion.

Jasper sensed loss and confusion. _ No way, Edward, _he thought quickly, his expression strained. _At least not until she's hunted._

Alice's eyes unfocused for a moment. _I can't…I can't see Renesmee. And Jacob's in the way, too. I don't think… _She looked unhappy – Alice didn't like denying Bella any more than I did, but she thought it was a bad idea.

I knew I had been foolish not to give this more thought before Bella woke. It was just…I was so consumed at the time with fear that something was wrong, that she would never awake. The idea that she would be okay had seemed like such a distant miracle, now that she was actually here I was unprepared to deal with the more difficult realities of her newborn status. To have to deny Bella this hurt. I looked at Carlisle unhappily.

His eyes were serious. _It's for the best. Be gentle, Edward. _

I looked back at Bella, keeping my expression calm. "Bella, that's not really a good idea." As much as I hated keeping her from her own child, I knew Bella would want to protect Renesmee at any cost, even to herself. I kept my voice soothing. "She's half human, love. Her heart beats, and blood runs in her veins. Until your thirst is positively under control… You don't want to put her in danger, do you?"

The corners of Bella's lips turned down unhappily, her mind working behind her eyes. _Oh, dear, _thought Esme despondently, her emotions roiling. She was crushed by the pain in Bella's face, understanding how awful it would be to be kept from your own child.

"Where is she?" Bella asked. _In Jacob's arms_, I thought, suddenly irritated. But I could not say this aloud. There was no way Bella could handle the shock of learning about the imprint right now, and I_ had_ told Jacob I wouldn't tell her. I didn't know if it would be possible to avoid divulging the information, though, in the end.

Jacob was listening anxiously, a sleeping Renesmee clutched close, his mind racing with how to handle the possibility I would allow Bella to see Renesmee now. How foolish did he think I was?

"Is Rosalie with her?"

"Yes," I said, irritation lacing my words. _But not the only one. _ Rosalie was sitting next to Jacob, listening intently while glaring daggers at him.

_Relax, _Jasper thought. _Get her out of here before she escalates, Edward. It's not safe. _Anxiety was seeping out of Bella, although Alice did not see her losing control. I gently removed one of the hands pressed against where Renesmee used to be, and tried to pull her towards the window again.

She resisted. "Wait." I paused, as the stress level in the room began to rise. Everything had been going so smoothly, so much more than we could have hoped for. But this might be the point things went astray. "What about Jacob? And Charlie? Tell me everything that I missed. How long was I…unconscious?"

_How the hell is she worrying about these things? _Emmett wondered. _Jesus, when I first changed, I didn't give a damn about anything except blood._ His eyes flickered to the door for a moment. _And Rosalie._

Carlisle met my eyes. _All of it will be too much for her to handle right now. But I don't think she will leave until we alleviate some of her concerns. And she deserves information._

"What's wrong?" Bella whispered, her face worried. Carlisle and I instantly smoothed our expressions.

"Nothing is wrong," Carlisle said adamantly. _Not exactly, _he thought, thinking of the imprinting, and Nessie's growth. I realized, suddenly, that just Renesmee's physical change over the last two days alone would be a terrible shock for Bella. "Nothing has changed much, actually – you were only unaware for just over two days. It was very fast, as these things go. Edward did an excellent job. Quite innovative – the venom injection straight to your heart was his idea." He smiled proudly at me. _I told you. You did everything right. Better than right – look at her._ He paused, thinking how to answer her questions in the least upsetting way. "Jacob is still here, and Charlie still believes you are sick. He thinks you're in Atlanta right now, undergoing tests at the CDC. We gave him a bad number, and he's frustrated. He's been speaking to Esme." Esme shuddered, remembering the borderline hysteria in Charlie's voice during their last phone call.

"I should call him…," Bella murmured. _No, no, no!_ Every mind in the house had the same reaction, even Jacob, who was shocked by the unfamiliar ring of her voice. His thoughts were swimming with a mixture of curiosity and dread at seeing what she actually looked like.

"Hold on – Jacob is _still here?_" Bella said suddenly, her voice unbelieving. I frowned, wondering how much to tell her.

_You promised Jacob, Edward, _Carlisle thought. I met his eyes briefly. I would keep that promise, but only if it didn't hurt Bella. And right now that information would just be too much.

"Bella," I said. "There's much to discuss, but we should take care of you first. You have to be in pain…"

"But Jacob…" she said.

"We have all the time in the world for explanations, love," I said softly. _Forever._

Her eyes calmed a little. "Okay."

_Hey!_ Alice thought. She had been standing quietly by the door, concentrating on the future, but now she bounded towards us, stopping at Jasper's side. "Wait, wait, wait," she cried. "You promised I could be there the first time!" _I've seen it! _"What if you two run past something reflective?"

"Alice," I said, frowning. Couldn't she see we had to get Bella out of here?

_Don't you ruin this for me._ She glared. "It will only take a second." She bound out of the room.

I sighed. Alice hated when her visions didn't come to pass – at least the good ones.

"What is she talking about?" Bella asked. Her question was answered when Alice reappeared with the large mirror from Rosalie's room. As she moved towards us Jasper trailed behind her, his eyes intent on Bella. I suddenly felt protective of my wife, uncomfortable with his intense scrutiny and suspicion, even though I knew it was necessary.

But then his thoughts refocused – he'd caught a wave of emotion from Bella. Shock quickly morphed into a defensive wariness within her. I glanced at Bella, whose eyes were wide and alert, as she raked over the ruined skin of Jasper's face and neck. I realized for the first time she could see the scars of his past, in the truest physical sense.

_She sees me now for what I really am,_ thought Jasper. The corners of his mouth lifted into a slightly cynical smile.

_No, what you were, once,_ I wanted to tell him.

"Edward gave me grief for not getting you a mirror before the wedding," I heard Alice say. "I'm not going to be chewed out again."

"Chewed out?" I muttered, glancing at her questioningly. I hardly remembered discussing it all.

"Maybe I'm overstating things." She shrugged, adjusting the mirror.

"And maybe this has solely to do with your own voyeuristic gratification."

Alice smiled slightly, meeting my eyes. _See, that's why this vision was always so clear. It was all about me! _She winked.

I rolled my eyes, turning back to Bella, and then froze. She was standing, perfectly still, staring at the mirror, her gaze cautious and uncertain. I watched her face, suddenly worried, waiting for her reaction to the physical changes that had occurred while she slept.

_Edward,_ thought Alice. I looked through her eyes, and realized I was looking at the fruition of her vision. Bella standing, flawless, her eyes wary. My expression stiff, uncertain, watching her. Alice next to her, smiling, glowing, with Jasper at her shoulder, his eyes always on Bella. My family in the background.

I refocused on the scene through my own eyes, and watched as Bella's emotions played across her expression. Pleasure flitted briefly across her face and then was quickly gone, replaced by a dismayed horror.

_Her emotions are fueling up,_ Jasper thought._ She's upset. _Damn it, why couldn't Alice just let us leave?

"The eyes," Bella whispered, her voice breaking slightly. "How long?"

"They'll darken up in a few months," I said softly. "Animal blood dilutes the color more quickly than a diet of human blood. They'll turn amber first, then gold." They'll be just as beautiful as they always were.

Bella's body visibly stiffened, the red eyes that had upset her burning even brighter, and Jasper's stress level began to ricochet upward in response to her increasing tension.

"Months?" Bella's voice was high and loud. Anxiety flooded out of her and into Jasper, and he took a step forward in alarm.

_She's too agitated, _he warned. _She won't be able to bring this back down. _ _Get ready, I'm going to send out a blast of calm. If necessary, wrap your arms around her so I can touch her._

Alice's mind raced with visions. _No, no, she's fine. I don't see things changing. She's out the window, jumping the river…_

_And so the fun begins, _Emmett thought cheerfully, angling his body slightly in front of Esme.

And then, suddenly, Bella took a slow, deep breath. I watched as her eyes tempered, and the tension eased slowly out of Jasper's mind. Alice came back to the present, smiling contentedly.

"No, I'm fine," Bella said, her voice only slightly wavering. "It's just… a lot to take in."

_That it is, _thought Carlisle, feeling a rush of pride at how she was handling herself.

_How the hell did she regain control like that, _Jasper thought, almost sounding irritated. _She should have snapped. I've seen it a thousand times. How?_

"I don't know," I said softly. I did not have Jasper's experience with newborns, but the ones I'd known, much of my family, including myself, couldn't hold it together over anything. We had been a wild, thirsty, dangerous mess.

Bella's eyebrows pulled together. "What question did I miss?"

I smiled. "Jasper wonders how you're doing it."

"Doing what?"

"Controlling your emotions, Bella," Jasper responded. "I've never seen a newborn do that – stop an emotion in its track that way. You were upset, but when you saw our concern, you reined it in, regained power over yourself. I was prepared to help, but you didn't need it."

"Is that wrong?" she asked, tensing again.

"No," said Jasper. _I don't think so._ He wasn't sure if all this calm was building up to some sort of monumental breakdown.

I wished he'd just take it at face value. She was doing incredible, even if it might be short-lived. I ran my hand down her bare arm. "It's very impressive, but we don't understand it. We don't know how long it can hold."

"But what do you think?" Alice said, gesturing towards the mirror. _Stop distracting her with all your unnecessary worrying!!_

"I'm not really sure," Bella whispered, staring at her reflection. She examined herself closely, a mixture of emotions in her eyes. I wanted to know what she was thinking. Did she hate the unfamiliar face? Did she regret the loss of her human features?

She lifted a hand up very slowly, touching her face, as if confirming what she saw in the mirror was real. Her expression was unreadable. _Say something, _I thought desperately. _Please tell me what you are thinking._ I remembered my half-hope that I might be able to read her thoughts once she became more like me. That, obviously, was never going to come to be. She was as closed off from me as ever.

I sighed, and her eyes slid over to my face.

"Disappointed?" she asked, her voice flat.

I laughed slightly. "Yes." Surprise flashed across her face before hurt filled her eyes. Alice snarled quietly. _Jerk. _Jasper hovered, waiting.

I ignored them, laughing lightly. Because this was the typical reaction of the Bella I knew, and loved, and I was nearly giddy to have her back again. How could she possibly think that I would _ever_ be even remotely disappointed by how she looked, or with anything about her? But of course, she did.

I wrapped my arms around her waist, sturdy beneath my hands, and pulled her close, pressing my lips to her polished cheek. "I was rather hoping that I'd be able to hear your mind, now that it is more similar to my own," I said quietly. "And here I am, as frustrated as ever, wondering what could possibly be going on inside your head."

I felt the tension leave her body. "Oh, well," she said, and there was a hint of relief to her voice that led me to believe she was glad I still didn't have access to her thoughts. "I guess my brain will never work right. At least I'm pretty."

I rolled my eyes, and then leaned down close to her ear. "Bella, you have never been merely pretty."

_Enough with the damn games, Edward, let's go! Are you just asking for trouble?_

I sighed, pulling back but keeping my eyes on Bella. "All right, all right."

"What?' she asked.

"You're making Jasper more edgy by the second. He may relax a little when you've hunted."

Bella glanced at Jasper. "Okay. Let's hunt." She easily pulled my arms from around her body, surprising me, and took one of my hands. She turned, and I pulled her over to the window. I undid the latch, swinging it open. They were designed for easy access.

She stepped forward and stared down. Behind her, Jasper gave Alice a swift kiss on the cheek and moved forward. _Should we take Emmett with us? _he wondered, looking at me. _Or maybe Carlisle? Em will probably just find a way to get her all riled up._

Alice's mind filled then with a vision of the forest, Bella kneeling on the ground over what appeared to be an elk carcass. Her dress was slightly ripped and bloody. Carlisle and Jasper stood about a hundred yards away, arms crossed, watching her carefully.

My body tightened suddenly at this picture, the realization coming down in a rush that this was a private moment, and I didn't want anyone there but myself. I didn't want them watching. _I_ wanted to take Bella on her first hunt. Alone.

I shook my head slightly at Jasper, and he frowned.

_Don't be an idiot, Edward, _he thought. _It's foolish to take her out by yourself. She will snap, and you will need help._

I didn't agree. I had already been able to calm her down myself several times. And even with her newborn strength, I would be faster. Deep in the woods, if I used caution, things would be fine.

I shook my head again and he glared. I looked back at Bella. She was still staring down.

"The window?" she asked.

I smiled. Had she never realized we often exited through the windows? Maybe she thought I only did that from her room. The large windows weren't just for looks, although Esme might disagree. "It's the most convenient exit. If you're frightened, I can carry you."

"We have all eternity, and you're worried about the time it would take to walk to the back door?" she said, a slight sarcastic edge to her voice.

The smile fell from my face as I tried to imagine the logistics of getting her downstairs without another struggle about seeing the baby. "Renesmee and Jacob are downstairs."

Sadness, and fear, crossed her face. "Is Renesmee…okay…with Jacob there?" she whispered. "He doesn't like her very much."

I tried not to laugh at her, very understandable, misinterpretation of the situation. "Trust me, she is perfectly safe. I know exactly what Jacob is thinking." Right now, his little brain was still buzzing with ways to keep Renesmee safe from Bella. I just might have to kill him, finally, if he interfered in any way.

He heard my words, quickly rerouting his thoughts. _Thanks for not telling her, Edward._

"Of course," Bella said softly, looking back down at the ground. I smiled. I knew she could do this. She had absolutely no idea yet of the incredible power of her body, and mind. I couldn't wait to teach her.

"Stalling?" I asked daringly.

"A little," she murmured. "I don't know how…"

Emmett's head filled suddenly with the image of Bella tripping on the window ledge and falling out head first. He laughed out loud. _Might be safest for everyone if you just carried her, Edward. Or maybe I should head down and catch her._

I ignored him. _Help her, Edward, _thought Esme.

"Watch me," I said. I stepped slowly out the window. This would be the easiest way for her to start. Generally we jumped. There was a running competition of who could get closest to the river. I was the current champion, but this seemed like the wrong moment to boast about it.

I adjusted my feet as I fell to where I wanted them to land, bending my knees just slightly as I hit the ground so that my landing would be almost silent.

I looked back up at her. I could see she had been carefully studying my movements. She pursed her lips, and with a grim expression on her face, she stepped out the window.

I watched with pleasure as wonder filled her face as she fell. She held her body with remarkable ease, the dress flowing in waves from the wind created by her movement through the air, her hands lifted delicately at the wrist. She came down on the balls of her feet, just the faintest whisper of impact, and then straightened up and looked at me. She was the most amazing creature I had ever seen.

Bella smiled. "Right. Easy."

"Bella?" I smiled back.

"Yes?"

"That was quite graceful – even for a vampire."

My entire family had stepped forward to watch Bella's fall. _What fun was that? _Emmett grumbled. _This whole thing is turning out to be a bust._

"Thank you." Bella beamed. Then she bent over swiftly, scooping the stiletto shoes off her feet and whipping them back up into the window.

_Hey!_ Alice thought, jumping into the air to catch them before they hit the wall and got ruined. "Her fashion sense hasn't improved as much as her balance," she said irritably. I smiled to myself, pleased and comforted to see another familiar piece of my Bella. She had always shown a disdain for Alice's high fashion. Although, I had rather liked the shoes.

I grabbed her hand and pulled her down towards the river. She would have to jump this, unless she wanted to swim.

My family stood at the window, watching us go. Jacob and Rosalie had moved to the back windows as well. Jacob was watching intently, Renesmee still asleep in his arms, both fascinated and hesitant to see Bella.

_Good luck,_ thought Jasper. _You'll need it_.

_Be careful, and be safe, son, _Carlisle called mentally.

"Are we swimming?" Bella asked as we neared the water.

I smiled. "And ruin your pretty dress? No. We're jumping."

_Thank you!_ Alice thought.

Bella regarded the river, looking concerned. "You first," she said.

I stroked a finger down her cheek, and then backed up a couple of steps. Jumping was fun, but it could be difficult, in the beginning, to judge the strength needed to go a certain distance. Aiming for just into the trees on the other side, I ran two steps forward, lifting off with one foot and vaulting over the river. Feeling the eyes of my family all watching me, I turned a quick somersault before I went into the trees.

_So typical, _thought Rosalie. _Just couldn't help himself._

"Show-off," I heard Bella mutter from across the river, and I laughed. Peering through the leaves, I watched as Bella backed up, way too far. I started to back further into the forest. Just as I lost sight of her, I heard a tearing sound. Sprinting a few paces forward, I could make her out looking down at her leg in a mixture of annoyance and chagrin. Her dress had split right up her thigh.

As I waited to see what she would do, Bella's expression suddenly cleared, and with just the slightest smile she reached down and, with her hands, split the dress up the remainder of her thigh. Then she did the same to the other side. She bent a knee, exposing flawless white skin, like pristine snow at dawn. My breath caught in my throat.

_Does she have any idea who designed that dress?! _Alice ground her teeth in frustration.

Bella smiled widely, and my watching family laughed, including Jacob. _Some things don't change, _he mused, smiling. _I could have told them she'd hate that dress._

_Nice, _thought Emmett appreciatively. Both my brothers were watching with interest, their gazes appraising. I glared at them through the trees, and then stepped forward, ready to get Bella all to myself.

"Bella?" I called. "Do you want to watch again?"

She breathed deeply, and then with one long step launched off the river's edge. I could see immediately, given her trajectory and velocity, that she was going to overshoot the jump. I began to run back, desperately trying to judge where she would land. Worry was ridiculous – she couldn't hurt herself if she wanted. More likely, she would hurt a tree. But my mind just couldn't fathom it. And the distance of her jump might terrify her, or rattle her already precarious mood.

I heard her fall softly into the trees, catching a branch, and as I tracked her down she, unexpectedly, broke out into delighted laughter. She was in a large pine. I looked up at her, amazed. She wasn't frightened, or confused. She was exhilarated, her eyes dancing, a delighted smile on her face. She didn't seem to be agitated at all by the unfamiliar strength of her new body, or even remotely concerned about any discomfort from thirst.

She leapt down nimbly, and I resisted the urge to reach out and catch her with my arms.

"Was that good?" she asked, her eyes shining.

"Very good."

"Can we do it again?"

"Focus, Bella – we're on a hunting trip."

"Oh, right," she said, nodding. "Hunting." I nearly rolled my eyes. _Where does she get this control? _Only a twenty minute old newborn, and she acted like needing to hunt was just an annoying distraction. She should be going out of her mind with thirst. I wondered what would happen when she really caught the scent of blood.

"Follow me…if you can." I smiled, teasing her, and then turned and ran into the forest, knowing she would follow. It felt incredible to run again. The last time I had run in this forest, I'd been in the bowels of hell. Alienated from Bella. Sick with fear and guilt. Scrutinized by my family. Now I felt weightless with happiness.

I ran at a steady pace, slightly slower than normal to be sure Bella could keep up with me. I listened closely as she ran behind me for any sign that she might unexpectedly veer off path, but she kept right on my heels. Soon her laughter echoed through the trees, cascading chimes of delight and freedom. I couldn't hold back my own smile - running was one of my greatest joys, and to now truly share it with her was simply astonishing.

I sensed Bella putting on a burst of speed, trying to catch me, and I slowed subtly. Her face was glowing as she passed me, and so I let her pull ahead – giving her happiness was all I ever wanted to do. She leapt with long, graceful strides, an elegant gazelle, and I drank in the sight of her. I waited for her to slow, to become agitated, or distracted, but she continued with her feverish pace. Soon we drew near to a watering hole my family often frequented, where elk always seemed to be available, and plentiful. I could hear a small herd of five there now.

I stopped, and watched her for a fraction of a second to see if she would notice. As she disappeared into the trees, I called her. "Bella."

She continued forward for another second, and suddenly a thrill of fear shot through my body. Just as I was about to break forward to catch up with her, she stopped, twirling on one foot and dancing back to me. I smiled with relief, waiting for her to speak, but she just stared at me.

"Did you want to stay in the country?" I asked. I probably shouldn't tell her I would have happily followed her across the continent. "Or were you planning to continue on to Canada this afternoon?"

"This is fine," she said absently, her eyes seeming to be fixed on my lips. "What are we hunting?"

"Elk." I remembered Alice's vision of Bella with the elk. "I thought something easy for your first time…" Bella's forehead wrinkled as she glared at me. Obviously, she thought she didn't need _easy. _But then her expression tightened, and her eyes blazed with a sudden, red fire. Thirst was finally getting the better of her.

"Where?" she said anxiously, her head swinging quickly back and forth. The stream was only about 200 yards away. If she concentrated properly, she would sense the elk.

I touched her shoulders lightly. "Hold still for a moment," I said. Her body stilled beneath my hands. "Now close your eyes," I said softly. Her eyelids lowered obediently, and suddenly there was the sleeping face that had been with me the last couple of days. I placed my hands on her cheeks, caressing her skin with my thumbs. "Listen. What do you hear?"

I stilled my hands and waited. For a moment, her face was completely motionless. Then her lips parted slightly, and her eyes creased as she concentrated. After another moment, there was the tightening again, the thirst. She must have heard the elk, the steady thrumming of their hearts. Fire ripped suddenly down my own throat, venom acidic in my mouth. It had been a very long time.

"By the creek, to the northeast?" she murmured.

"Yes." Her pinpointing of the direction was uncanny for her first time. "Now….wait for the breeze again and…what do you smell?" It was another moment or two before a light breeze ruffled her hair gently. She inhaled deeply, once…twice… I inhaled along with her, the elk scent rich and familiar. Bella's expression suddenly shifted, looking slightly distasteful.

I laughed. I had long since grown accustomed to the scent of animal blood. But I remembered Carlisle patiently tolerating numerous complaints from me during my newborn stage. "I know – it takes some getting used to."

"Three?" Bella asked.

_Close. _"Five. There are two more in the trees behind them."

"What do I do now?" she asked, her expression slightly bewildered.

_Follow your instincts, love._ "What do you feel like doing?" I breathed.

She inhaled briefly again, and then her body stiffened. Her eyes shot open, and I saw the glaze of thirst in them. She looked at me almost without seeing me. Her body was ready to take over.

"Don't think about it," I said, removing my hands and stepping away carefully, not wanting to interfere in the moment. "Just follow your instincts."

Bella turned from me, as her eyes became completely unfocused. I smiled, pleased she'd been able to give herself completely over to her senses. I followed behind her as she flowed in and out of the trees, pulled toward the increasing scent as a moth to the flame. I kept a good distance between us, not wanting to spook a defensive response. We came upon the clearing, catching the bull still at the stream as four does moved gracefully back into the forest. I paused at the edge, watching Bella position herself by the male. Normally, with my brothers, we would spook the herd first. The kill was all the better with the chase. But now was not the time for games. Her body was a vision of stealth and power as she tensed, crouching automatically for the strike, the lean muscles of her legs drawing my eyes.

Then she took off, but immediately I could tell her path was off, she would miss the buck completely…

_Oh, shit. _The scent hit me. And because I was a god damned fool, and was standing downwind of her, instead of upwind, where I should have been, and where I was sure Jasper would have had the good sense to wait, it was a fraction of a second too late.

I took off after her. Some idiotic, damned humans had wandered into this area of the forest. There were never humans this far off the path. I cursed myself for having just been standing stupidly, admiring her, when I should have been circling, testing the wind, on guard for danger or temptation.

Bella's form weaved in and out of the trees several hundred yards in front of me. As I increased my speed, I had a sudden memory of running after a newborn Emmett, desperately trying to keep sight and sound of him among the trees. Listening to Carlisle and Rosalie, running full out but trailing behind. Hearing Rose's pleas in my head. _Please hurry, Edward_, she had thought anxiously. _Please catch him in time._

But I had been too late, that time.

I shook my head, and pushed harder. That time had been different. Emmett had had a much bigger jump on me. The human had been closer. Bella was only about 100 yards away – I could easily catch her.

But when I caught her…thoughts catapulted through my head, as I watched her lithe form and swinging brown hair grow closer. She would be all instinct now – stopping her would border on impossible, and be dangerous, but I would try. _Damn, damn, damn! _How could I have let this happen? My best option would be to take her down from behind onto the ground, pinning her with my arms and body, and try to talk to her, redirect her. The thought of tackling Bella was abhorrent, but if I could just stop her, delay her until a clean breeze blew, I might be able to distract her enough for her to let me carry her away. I had talked down both Rose and Emmett in the past, although they had been older than she was now. But even if I did catch her, she would probably just throw me off and attack me. Maybe it would be better to try to arc out and get in front of her?

Stopping her from the hunt now, no matter what I did, with the scent of human blood carrying on the wind, would be nothing short of impossible. As it was, the smell of the blood was beginning to bring on _my_ own natural reactions, venom scalding my parched throat. For Bella it would be staggeringly worse. And if I couldn't stop her… I would have let her down in the worst possible way.

I was gaining steadily, only about 10 feet away. Suddenly I saw her head cock slightly to the side and her shoulders tense, and realized she'd sensed my presence. And she would defend what was hers.

I slowed and lowered my arms slightly into a more defensive pose. Abruptly she pivoted on the spot, spinning into an attack crouch. I stopped immediately, my arms still out. Her face was wild, her eyes threatening, and a loud, furious, snarl tore from deep within her.

I waited, cautious, watching for what she would do. If she came straight at me, I'd have to dodge, try to get behind her as quickly as possible. She'd hurt me in a fight, and hate herself for it later, so I'd have to try to keep her hands off me. I'd had some experience avoiding the assaults of my newborn siblings, even Esme. Bella remained still, however, her eyes brilliant, and I began to wonder if I just backed up slowly she might turn and move towards the prey again, and I could leap and grab her.

And then, inexplicably, the fire drained from her eyes, and horror filled her expression. She stood up quickly, her hands falling at her sides, and as I studied her in confusion, still waiting to see where this going, I realized, amazingly, she was holding her breath.

My arms fell slightly, and I took a cautious step towards her. She had clearly been, impossibly, distracted momentarily by something. If I could, somehow, convince her to let me bring her away from the scent, I might be able to…

"I have to get away from here," she gasped out.

I froze with shock. She _wanted _to leave? "Can you leave?" I asked incredulously.

She looked at me silently for a fraction of a moment, confusion sweeping quickly across her face. And then, with no warning, she ran – away from the scent of the humans.

I stared stupidly after her for a moment, and then propelled forward into the wake of her scent. She was flying through the trees, even faster than when she had been hunting the humans. Confusion and amazement were cascading over me. She was less than an hour old, not even having fed once yet, and she had caught the scent of a human and been able to run away. I tried to assimilate this impossible reality to what was actually happening. My family would be beyond shocked…

Bella stopped. I blasted past her, not paying quick enough attention. _Damn it!_ She would be heading back to the scent, instinct overpowering whatever the amazing reserve of self-restraint she had used earlier. And I will have lost her again. I hurtled around to take off after her and discovered her standing where she had stopped, staring at me with an annoyed expression on her face.

I was beyond understanding. She showed no sigh of a defensive stance, so I did not slow but moved directly up to her, putting my hands on her shoulders, relieved to finally have my hands on her, even though it appeared she was in no need of restraint.

"How did you do that?" I asked.

"You let me beat you before, didn't you?" she demanded. I was momentarily taken aback. My god, was she talking about the run in the forest earlier? How could she even be thinking of that? She pulled in a sudden breath, and I realized she had been holding her breath this whole time.

I shook my head in amazement, shrugging off her question. "Bella, how did you do it?

"Run away?" she asked. "I held my breath."

I wanted to concentrate on one incredible feat at a time. "But how did you stop hunting?"

"When you came up behind me…I'm so sorry about that."

"Why are you apologizing to me?" I asked incredulously. "I'm the one who was horribly careless. I assumed no one would be so far from the trails, but I should have checked first. Such a stupid mistake. _You _have nothing to apologize for."

"But I growled at you," she said in horror.

"Of course you did." It was a miracle she hadn't attacked me. _That_ I would have expected. "That's only natural. But I can't understand how you ran away?"

"What else could I do?" She was looking at me like I was crazy. "It might have been someone I know?"

The utter absurd logic of her words rolled over and through me, and I burst into laughter, loving her, relieved she hadn't killed anyone, thrilled she was so magnificent and unexpected. All the worrying, and here she was showing more restraint than certain members of my family. Wait till I told…

"Why are you laughing at me?" she growled, her eyes narrowing in a sudden flash.

_Christ, I'm an idiot._ I killed my laughter immediately, watching her expression intensely. I'd hate myself if I drove her to lash out at me by my obnoxious behavior. And Jasper had been worried about Emmett irritating her.

Her eyes gentled immediately. I realized, without a doubt, that she had worked to stay in control. "I'm not laughing at you, Bella," I said in a quiet voice. "I'm laughing because I am in shock. And I am in shock because I am completely amazed."

"Why?" I fought a smile. How I wished video cameras had been available when Emmett was a newborn – she would only need to watch a few moments of him to understand where my amazement at her control came from.

"You shouldn't be able to do any of this. You shouldn't be so…so rational. You shouldn't be able to stand here discussing this with me calmly and coolly. And, much more than any of that, you should not have been able to break off mid-hunt with the scent of human blood on the air. Even mature vampires have difficulty with that-we're always very careful of where we hunt so as not to put ourselves in the path of temptation." And yet your idiot husband sets you free near the scent of humans the very first time you hunt. "Bella, you're behaving like you're decades rather than days old."

"Oh," she said, her expression contemplative. Did she have even the slightest inkling of how incredible she was, I wondered? I put my hands against her warm cheeks.

"What I wouldn't give to be able to see into your mind for just this one moment."

Bella reached up with her hands, caressing my cheeks, her fingers sweeping gently against my lips. I wondered again what she could possibly be thinking. I resisted the urge to grab her body, and crush her lips to mine. I was sure I would not get the reaction I hoped for – she would be beyond parched now, her thirst surely crushing any desire. Plus, I was beginning to pick up the scent of a big cat a little over a mile out. The burn in my throat was becoming a nagging disturbance in the back of all my own thoughts.

Her expression suddenly shifted, intensified. "I thought I wouldn't feel this way for a long time?" she breathed. "But I still want you."

I couldn't hide my astonishment, that her thoughts, her body, had been travelling the same path as mine. _Impossible. _"How can you even concentrate on that?" I was distracted by my own thirst, and hers must be a million times worse. "Aren't you unbearably thirsty?"

Hunger swept through her expression at my words. Her eyes closed, her body tense, as she breathed out in a sigh and then slowly inhaled. I carefully released her face, remaining completely still and silent, not wanting to divert her attention again. I wondered if she would sense the prey as I had, and within a moment her eyes flew open and she turned and moved quickly towards the east. She bent into a hunting crouch, moving swiftly through the trees, while I ran quietly behind her, drifting side to side, on alert for any more human scent.

As we climbed higher and higher, I relaxed somewhat, fairly certain no humans would be found this deep into the forest. Within seconds we were approaching the cat – from the scent it was a male, a large one – traveling in the trees above. It was rare luck to find one so close to the house – we usually had a travel a greater distance.

Bella suddenly grabbed a limb, nimbly swinging up bough by bough until I lost her in the growth of the trees. As I soon as I was deprived of the sight of her body, unexpected panic barreled through me. _She might fall!_ _The lion - she'll be killed!_ I grabbed a branch, planning to swing up after her, and then stopped, my hand gripping the thick limb. _You have to trust her to go on her own._

Still feeling nervous, I trailed her on the ground below, darting between the trees, listening intently as her quiet movements grew closer and closer to the thudding of the lion's heart and paws. The cat slowed up suddenly, approaching a nearby elk feeding from a small stream. His own prey. I heard Bella's movements cease for a moment, and I swallowed hard, my throat and chest suddenly tight with anticipation. And fear.

And then the rustle of something whipping through the air, a slight impact, and then an ear splitting shriek. _She's on the cat._ Unable to hold back, I began to whip myself up the tree, only to see Bella flying towards the forest floor, her arms wrapped around a three hundred pound lion.

I leapt down after them in horror. His claws were raking at her, tearing at skin and hair and mangling her dress. He roared furiously, his teeth trying to rip into her neck and shoulders and arms.

Protective instinct pounded through me, all thoughts obsolete except for the need to protect my precious love. He would kill her, tear her to bits, her fragile skin and delicate bones crushed and ruined. I took two desperate steps towards her…_Stop!!!_ I froze as the small portion of my brain that was still cognizant finally caught up with me. _Stop._ She was fine. She would be fine. And she would most certainly attack me now if I approached.

I reached over and put a hand on the tree next to me to steady myself. I watched as Bella opened her mouth wide, her exposed teeth glinting in the muted light of dusk, and sank them deep into the cat's neck. The cat was howling in protest, its claws and mouth working furiously, but completely in vain, as Bella's skin was impenetrable. I breathed in deeply, remembering the countless times I'd watched Rosalie, Alice, _Esme_ hunt. This was no different. Bella was no different, not anymore. That cat could not hurt her. Nothing could.

As I struggled to believe that impossible statement, I slowly relaxed, and was able to truly appreciate the scene in front of me. Bella was lying on the dirt floor of the forest, her body twisted around the cat, drinking in short pulls from his neck. Her hair was wild, her face, hands and knees covered in dirt. Also, her dress had suffered in the process of the hunt. She had one leg slung over the cat's now dying body, and the dress slit all the way up to her hip, and beyond, exposing long, lean white skin. My palm tingled, thinking about how it would feel to run my hand along her smooth body. I sighed quietly, leaning against the tree, and crossed my arms to resist the urge.

I watched as the cat's struggles weakened and then ceased, Bella's anxious pulls continuing past when I was sure the blood had run out. Suddenly, she pulled back abruptly, shoving the cat's torso off her upper body, and stood up quickly. There was dirt and blood on her arms, legs and chest. Long claw marks raked down the front of her dress, exposing even more skin. The lace of the panties I had seen in Alice's mind was quite visible. Bella looked down at her body in dismay and began to brush anxiously at the dirt. I suppressed my smile at her mostly fruitless attempts.

My eyes watched as her hands tried to pull the pieces of her dress back together. She was, of course, completely unharmed, aside from being a mess, and I felt wry amusement at my earlier fears.

"Hmm," I murmured. I had so looked forward to hunting with Bella. I had not anticipated my reaction.

She glanced up. "I guess I could have done that better."

"You did perfectly fine," I said. Her taking down of the cat from the tree had actually been quite graceful and effortless. "It's just that…it was much more difficult for me to watch than it should have been." She raised her eyebrows in question. "It goes against the grain, letting you wrestle with lions. I was having an anxiety attack the whole time."

She rolled her eyes. "Silly."

"I know. Old habits die hard." I smiled. "I like the improvements to your dress, though."

Her eyes lit slightly, but embarrassment passed over her expression. Then she frowned. "Why am I still thirsty?"

"Because you're young."

"And I don't suppose there are any other mountain lions nearby."

I wished. Maybe in the next day or two we could travel out a little further. I was rather pleased Bella shared my affinity for the big cat.

"Plenty of deer, though." I smiled.

She looked unhappy. "They don't smell as good."

"Herbivores." I agreed with her. And the distinction was even more intense during the newborn stage. "The meat-eaters smell more like humans." I watched her carefully after this comment. Usually the change in mindset in a newborn was automatic – what you once were, human, became something other, something less. Something to hunt. I didn't know how she would take my casual reference to "humans" as the different species they now were. If it would upset her.

She seemed unphased. "Not that much like humans."

I relaxed. "We could go back," I said. "Whoever it was out there, if they were men, they probably wouldn't even mind death if you were the one delivering it." I looked at her perfect form, barely covered by the remains of the dress. An avenging angel, descended from above. "In fact, they would think they were already dead and gone to heaven the moment they saw you."

Bella rolled her eyes. "Let's go hunt some stinking herbivores."

I took her hand and turned, pulling her with me back towards the house, where I knew we would meet some elk or deer along the way. This was wonderful, her hand in mind as we darted through the trees together, hearing her laugh and feeling her glances. I still couldn't believe we were together like this. I never wanted it to end. But as we drew closer to a large herd of mule deer, Bella's expression intensified, and she pulled away, her fingers wrenched abruptly out of mine, all instinct now. She darted to the edge of the clearing, pausing with her hands on a tree, and looked back over her shoulder at me. Her eyes were a little wild, her hair a chestnut hallow around her face and shoulders. I was entranced.

I gestured towards the herd with my head. "Ready?" I mouthed. She glanced out, and I saw her eyes caught by the largest male, ensconced in the center. _Of course._ She looked back once more, her eyes on fire but her smile dancing, and nodded. Then her expression darkened, and her gaze travelled back towards the herd. It was a large group, and the scent was intoxicating, despite being slightly off. Their gathered hearts seemed to beat almost in unison, and I began to lose myself to the hunt as well. I tried to keep my senses, waiting for a moment as Bella flew out of the trees. I followed slowly after her, watching as she sailed through the air and slammed into the buck, grabbing his antlers as they went to the ground.

I couldn't hold back anymore. I swung and grabbed the nearest doe before the herd had even had time to ascertain what was happening. I picked up the animal, one hand clenched onto its chest, the other grabbing just under the jaw. I bent the body back, away from me, hearing the snap of the spine, incapacitating as well as hopefully eliminating all pain. I sank my teeth into the neck that was bent towards me, thirst and instinct screaming into me as I hit blood, fading my vision to red, a roaring in my ears. The liquid poured down my throat, hot and smooth, cooling the raging fire despite its heat. I emptied the body with a few long pulls within a couple of seconds, and it was only as I was tossing the carcass that Bella careened back into my thoughts. I swung around looking for her in panic, but she was still feeding from the buck, lying astride his body, her hair now tangled with leave and grass. I smiled, watching her somewhat desperate consumption. She was so anxious to swallow that her pulls were rather ineffective. She would learn.

I ran three long strides and grabbed a young buck this time from the panicked, circling group, and drained him as well in several seconds. When I tossed this one aside and glanced up, Bella was springing back up off the ground. She ran a hand distractedly through her tangled hair, glancing around at the herd that had now finally regrouped and was heading swiftly into the forest.

"Want to catch them?" I asked playfully. Her eyes lit up, and she grabbed my hand this time, pulling me swiftly with her. We broke apart as we approached the herd and I went for another young buck. He screamed at my approach, careening wilding away from the group in an attempt to avoid me. I leapt straight over him, landing about 10 feet into his path. His hooves tangled wildly as he attempted to stop. I sprang at him, turning slightly, one arm arcing over my head and grabbing him by the antlers. I swung his body towards me, catching his chest with my other hand, ribs cracking beneath my fingers, and bent until I heard the snap. I drank quickly, and as I finished, I glanced up to find Bella standing stock still, staring at me, her eyes glowing with some sort of triumph.

"No longer thirsty?" I was surprised she hadn't made another kill.

"You distracted me. You're much better at it than I am." Her eyes glanced down at my clean clothes.

"Centuries of practice," I said, smiling.

"Just one," she shot back. I laughed. It could have been a million centuries, it didn't matter. Nothing that happened before mattered. For me, time started when I met Bella.

"Are you done for today?" I asked. "Or did you want to continue?"

"Done, I think." She paused, as if assessing how she felt. Then her expression changed, determined, anxious. "I want to see Renesmee."

My body tensed at her request. I watched as the anxiety grew in her face, one of her hands moving unconsciously to touch her flat stomach. She'd been robbed already of so much time with her daughter. She deserved every possible opportunity to get to know her. We just had to be very, very careful. A desperate look came into her eyes, and I held out a hand, pulling her close, planning to tell her we would find a way for her to see Renesmee, safely.

She reached out and brushed my cheek with her fingers. Then her expression shifted slightly, her eyes burning bright crimson, undimmed by the animal blood. She caressed my cheek again, harder this time, her fingers dragging over my skin as she pulled in her lower lip, biting it slightly. Emotion gripped me, seeing that familiar, tantalizing gesture, so reminiscent of more innocent days, and yet still present in this strong, incredible creature in front of me.

She moved her body, turning to face me full on, lifting up onto her toes and carefully wrapping her arms around me. I could tell she was trying to be gentle.

Her gaze latched onto me, her eyes ravenous, and not for blood. Desire swept through every molecule in my body, and I took her waist in my hands, carefully for a moment and then gripping hard, pulling her closer. The feel of her under my hands, with her skin exposed by the tears in her dress, and her body so tangible and strong beneath my fingers, was exhilarating. I released her waist and slid my hands along her back, wrapping my arms firmly around her body, and then crushed her recklessly against me, pressing my lips down hard onto hers. Her mouth melted into mine, and I explored and savored the feel of her soft lips and mouth, warm and moist and alluring. One of her hands moved up to grip my hair, the other slid down my chest, her fingers caressing across my shirt. She made a soft noise in the back of her throat that reverberated instantly through my whole body, and I splayed a hand across her back, stepping into her, trying to get even closer. She responded, crushing her lips into mine, her hand grabbing at the shirt against my chest.

I felt suddenly, curiously, off balance, losing the constant sense of equilibrium I relied on, and then realized I was falling backwards. Bella was pushing me backwards. I held her against me, keeping our mouths together until I felt the ground at my back, and she was on top of me.

For a moment, rationality left me. I wanted to flip us over, so that I was above her. I wanted her body under mine.

_Get a grip,_ I thought. I broke the kiss, loosening my hold on her and peering into her expression to make sure she wasn't hurt. Of course she wasn't.

"Oops," she said, and I laughed, relieved. "I didn't mean to tackle you like that. Are you okay?"

_Was I okay?_ The girl was insane. "Slightly better than okay," I said firmly. I stroked her cheek, watching as my touch heated her eyes again. I remembered the feel of her lips against mine, and wanted to pull her towards me once more. I could see in her eyes, if I wanted her to stay here with me here, for a while, she would. But it would be supremely selfish of me to take advantage of her distractibility. She had wanted to see her daughter. "Renesmee?" I asked, trying to push my own want out my voice.

Her eyes mirrored my own confusion for a moment, and then cleared into an anxious determination. "Renesmee," she agreed, jumping up and pulling me along with her. She turned and started running towards the house, following our earlier scent. I caught up quickly and took her hand in mine.

"Tell me about her," she said as we ran.

"She's like nothing else in the world." I hardly had the words to describe our daughter.

Bella frowned slightly. "How much is she like you? How much like me? Or like I was, anyway."

"It seems a fairly even divide."

"She was warm-blooded," Bella said, clearly recalling her brief memories of the birth. I felt sad those were the only few, precious moments she'd spent with Nessie so far.

"Yes, she has a heartbeat, though it runs a little bit faster than a human's. Her temperature is a little bit hotter than usual, too. She sleeps."

"Really?" She seemed shocked.

"Quite well for a newborn." At least from what I had seen in Rose's thoughts. "The only parents in the world who don't sleep, and our child already sleeps through the night." I laughed at the irony. "She has exactly your color eyes-so that didn't get lost, after all. They're so beautiful."

"And the vampire parts?"

I considered. "Her skin seems about as impenetrable as ours. Not that anyone would dream of testing that." Shock crossed Bella's face at the suggestion. "Of course no one would. Her diet…well, she prefers to drink blood. Carlisle continues to try to persuade her to drink some baby formula, too, but she doesn't have much patience with it." I smiled, remembering his last attempt the evening before, when she'd thrown the bottle across room. "Can't say that I blame her, nasty-smelling stuff, even for human food." Perhaps, though, not as bad as that vile banana smoothie concoction we had made for Bella.

Bella gaped in confusion. "Persuade her?" she asked. I hesitated, trying to think of the right words to describe Renesmee's remarkable development. I wondered if it would be more upsetting for me to try to describe to Bella the immense changes that had occurred to Renesmee in the last couple of days, or let her see for herself. The baby Bella remembered was gone, forever, and I was again struck with sorrow for the moments Bella and Renesmee had lost together. Perhaps she would feel that loss less acutely if she could see, and experience, the miraculous, captivating child that baby had grown into, rather than just hear my words.

"She's intelligent, shockingly so, and progressing at an immense pace," I said carefully, leaving out her physical growth. "Though she doesn't speak - yet - she communicates quite effectively."

"Doesn't. Speak. Yet." Bella's voice was incredulous.

I slowed slightly, wary.

"What do you mean, she communicates effectively?"

I paused, considering if I should explain. We had all so quickly grown accustomed to Nessie's gift, but Bella's initial shock would be as large as ours had been, and probably even more intense.

"I think it will be easier for you to…see for yourself. It's rather difficult to describe." It seemed better to hold back, to see what happened between Bella and Renesmee. I was actually worried that Renesmee's gift might not work with Bella, since, in some ways, her gift was like mine. A mirror of mine, really – I took thoughts out, she put them in. Since I could not hear Bella, perhaps, she would not be able to hear Renesmee. I did not want to set her up for disappointment.

"Why is Jacob still here?" Bella asked suddenly, switching topics. "How can he stand it? Why should he?" Her voice was pained. "Why should he have to suffer more?"

"Jacob isn't suffering." I snapped. "Though I might be willing to change his condition." I thought about the gall of his over-protective posturing earlier.

"Edward," she hissed, surprising me by dragging us to a stop. "How can you say that? Jacob has given up everything to protect us! What I've put him through-"

"You'll see exactly how I can say that," I murmured. _He's already claimed our daughter as his! _ "I promised him that I would let him explain, but I doubt you'll see it much differently than I do. Of course, I'm often wrong about your thoughts, aren't I?"

"Explain what?" she persisted.

I shook head. "I promised. Though I don't know if I really owe him anything at all anymore."

"Edward, I don't understand." Tension and frustration filled her face, her body stiffening. I felt a wave of sympathy for her. Her whole world had changed – her body, her mind. She was separated from her child, confused by the patterns of life that had played out while she slept. She was working so hard to stay in control, but I knew that frustration and disorientation must plague her. I didn't want her to suffer alone, to feel she had to be strong. To think I didn't understand. I stroked her cheek, smiling gently as I saw the desire that lit her face with my simple touch, even without the once familiar burn of her blush.

"It's harder than you make it look, I know," I said softly. "I remember." All too clearly I recalled the tangled web of emotions and impulses of my early newborn days.

"I don't like feeling confused."

"I know." Bella had always been curious, even to her own detriment. We couldn't go on with this discussion much longer before she insisted on the information. "And so let's get you home, so that you can see it all for yourself." Thinking of seeing my family, I looked down at her tattered, ruined dress. She wasn't exactly decent anymore, although I didn't mind. Still…

"Hmm," I muttered. I was sorry to cover her up, but it seemed necessary. I unbuttoned my shirt, sliding it off my shoulders and holding it out for her.

"That bad?" she asked, smiling, as she slid her arms into the sleeves. Then her eyes slid down to my bare chest, lingering briefly, and I smiled at her appreciative glance. I was glad she still enjoyed how I looked, given her vastly improved eyesight. She caught my grin, and smiled back, buttoning the shirt up swiftly.

"I'll race you, no throwing the game this time!" She took off before I could answer, and I watched her run for a second before following. _Might as well give her a fighting chance._ But I caught her quickly, and since she requested a fair fight, I let my competitive edge take over, easily keeping ahead of her, giving into the natural flow of the run as my mind played a kaleidoscope of all the images of the day, each one consuming me anew with love and devotion. Against the agony of Renesmee's birth, and despite my terrible fears, Bella was awake. She'd been blessed with incredible control and restraint, an unforeseen gift. She didn't hate me – she _wanted_ me, and still craved my touch.

The only sounds Bella made behind me were the whisper of her feet against the leaves, and the occasional hush of a steady breath, but yet I could sense her, feel her, as deeply as I always had. I realized, miraculously, that her silent heart still called to me as strongly as it had when it pulsed with human life - its steady beats living on in her warmth, her smile, in the very love forged between us. A heart that existed everlasting within Bella, forever entwined in everything about her that did not, and would not ever, change.

We ran, separate, and yet connected, and her presence bathed me like the glow of a dazzling sun that would now never set. As we reached the river, I heard her body shift unexpectedly behind me, and as I whirled she vaulted over my head, taking the river in an early jump in an attempt to beat me. I turned back, preparing my own jump, when a sudden sound, scent and mind all hit me at the same time, and I froze in shock.

Jacob was standing on the other side of the river.

* * *

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	25. Justified

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_Goddamned obnoxious vile smelling interfering flea infested mongrel…_

Curses peppered my thoughts as I hurled myself over the river, catching up to Bella easily driven by my anger. I landed a tenth of a second after she did, clenching my hands onto her upper arms. Her body was already tight – she'd sensed him.

"Don't breathe," I whispered.

_Sorry, Edward! _A chorus of minds called to me from inside the house.

_He insisted, _thought Emmett. _He's one tricky bastard._

I gathered the story in bits and pieces from my family's racing minds. Jacob had told my family that he was going out to fill in Leah and Seth, who had been relegated earlier to the edge of the property line near the road, far from the river, since we had planned to take Bella out hunting that way. They had heard him phase, during which time, unbeknownst to them he had shared his plan with his pack. It had only been as my family was gathering, hearing our distant return, that Jacob had burst into the house, telling them to stay inside and protect Renesmee, he was going to "test" Bella's control on himself before she came near Renesmee.

A short, but heated argument followed. Carlisle and Esme vehemently disagreed with the plan, thinking Jacob should not be putting himself in harm's way. Alice was upset because he was completely scrambling the future, Emmett thought they didn't need his help but had no problem it, and Jasper and Rosalie had actually thought it was a good idea.

_I've got no problem with it, _Rosalie thought. _Either Bella proves him wrong, or we get rid of the dog permanently. Win-win._

_Emmett and I can be there in a second, Edward, _Jasper thought. He and Emmett were standing right at the back door. _Nessie is safe in the house. Just give the word._

Leah and Seth were prowling behind him, Leah's thoughts venomous as she trained her eyes on Bella, watching every move. I was beyond furious that Jacob had put Bella into this situation. Tempting Bella to kill him, prompting Leah to attack Bella, and my brothers to tear her to shreds. In front of her little brother. Brilliant plan.

_Don't try to stop me, Edward. I already went through this with the good doctor. This is the best way to see if she can be trusted – let her go._

I bristled. He didn't know how much Bella had already proven her control in the forest earlier. He'd just taken it on himself that he should be the one to make the decisions regarding Bella's safety to see her daughter.

I worked to keep my hands and voice steady, not revealing the fury I was feeling. "Carefully, Jacob," I said quietly, my voice not betraying the fact that I wanted to tear his head from his shoulders. Leah snarled in agreement. "Maybe this isn't the best way…"

"You think it would be better to let her near the baby first?" Jacob snapped. "It's safer to see how Bella does with me. I heal fast."

Bella's face was twisted with horror and anxiety. Jacob continued to stare at me, pleading but defiant.

_I want to do this, Edward. This is to protect Bella as much as Renesmee._

_Right, _I thought. His insinuation that his plans had been made at all with Bella's interests in mind angered me even further. _If he wants to play the martyr, fine. I won't stop him._

I shrugged. "It's your neck, I guess," I growled. Bella was watching me, her eyes growing wide with surprise.

Leah snarled furiously from the forest. _God damned bloodsucker, you know she could kill him easily. I won't let her._

I stiffened, concerned about Leah. I stepped just slightly to angle myself better between her and Bella. While Bella's eyes were still on me, I realized Jacob's eyes were frozen on her now, involuntarily captivated, seeing her truly for the first time since she awoke.

_Oh god, Bells, _he thought despairingly, searching and not finding the girl he had so long loved in the still, silent creature before him. His nostrils filled with her scent, sickly sweet to him, and he groaned internally. _She's gone. She's really gone._

And then Bella turned her eyes to him, her gaze inquisitive, her brows slightly furrowed, an expression he had seen so many times before, and in that expression, he found her again. Hovering behind the unfamiliar features he saw the light and life, the friend, that he knew so well, and he exhaled, relaxing.

_Still here, _he thought, surprised, smiling.

He looked her over more carefully, taking in the torn, blood stained clothes under the white shirt, the dirt matted onto her limbs, and finally, the flaming red eyes. He shuddered, thinking of Victoria's newborns.

"I gotta say it Bella," he said, grinning widely. "You're a freak show." _Straight out of a b-grade horror movie - Night of the Filthy Vampire._

"Watch yourself, mongrel," I growled, but Bella just smiled. Clean air gusted past us, and I felt Bella take a breath.

"No, he's right," she said, nodding. "The eyes are really something, aren't they?"

"Super-creepy. But it's not as bad as I thought it would be."

"Gee - thanks for the amazing compliment!"

Jacob rolled his eyes. _Same old Bella. _"You know what I mean. You still look like you - sort of. Maybe it's not the look so much as…you are Bella. I didn't think it would feel like you were still here." He smiled, chuckling. "Anyway, I guess I'll get used to the eyes soon enough."

"You will?" Bella asked, sounding confused.

_Oops. _The smile dropped from his face and he glanced at me. _She doesn't know yet._

"Thanks," he said. "I didn't know if you'd be able to keep it from her, promise or not. Usually, you just give her everything she wants.

My eyes narrowed slightly. I couldn't believe he was pulling out the attitude now.

"Maybe I'm hoping she'll get irritated and rip your head off," I said calmly.

Jacob laughed once. _You'd like that, wouldn't you? _I raised my eyebrows, not disagreeing.

"What's going on?" Bella demanded, her face shocked. "Are you two keeping secrets from me?"

"I'll explain later," Jacob said quickly, glancing at me. _One thing at a time, 'kay?_

I rolled my eyes. _Coward. _

He looked back to Bella. "First, let's get this show on the road." He grinned, starting to take slow, even, steps closer.

_Jake, no, _Leah thought desperately, whining in protest. _This is ridiculous. Stop him, you damn bloodsucker. _She weaved out of the forest, Seth at her heals. He glanced nervously from Bella to Jacob.

"Cool it, guys," Jacob said. _I told them to keep back, in the forest, _he fumed. "Stay out of this."

Jacob continued to move forward slowly, his scent growing stronger as the wind grew still. The air around him almost shimmered with his heat, his heart pounding fast. The scent of his blood, though, mingled with the reek of dog, rendered him mostly unappealing. For a newborn that would usually not be enough to deter a kill anyways, but with Bella's control, I truly didn't think, unfortunately, that she would strike. Not yet, anyways.

_Hope you've got a good grip on her, Edward, _Jacob thought as he made one final step, stopping inches from Bella's body. _Not really looking to die today, if I'm being honest._ She was tense beneath my hands, stock still, not breathing.

"C'mon Bells. Do your worst."

Leah hissed, and I watched her with a hard expression. _I won't let her hurt him_, she thought again, her emotions getting desperate.

"I'm getting older here, Bella," Jacob taunted. "Okay, not technically, but you get the idea. Go on, take a whiff."

I turned my glare from Leah to him. He really had no idea how hard this was for Bella, how even his filthy scent would scorch her throat, even if it wasn't enough for her to kill him. How horrible she would feel if she hurt her friend.

He caught my expression. _Lighten up, bloodsucker. _Then he cringed slightly, his eyes flickering back to Bella has he realized that term now applied to her as well. He searched again for the familiar remnants in her new face. _No, _he thought. _Not her._

Bella pressed backwards into my chest. "Hold onto me," she pleaded. I tightened my hands reassuringly around her arms. I was certain, if she lunged, I could hold her back long enough for Jacob to make an escape before she threw me off. Well, a head start, at least.

In the house, most of my family was watching with keen interest. Rosalie was further back in the house, shielding Renesmee from the scene below. Nessie was flashing images into Rose's mind. There were assorted pictures of my face, interspersed with images of Bella, painful flashes of her ravaged face, as well as memories Jacob leaving, kissing her on the cheek and bounding out the door, assumedly to come down and wait to play out his little plan. She seemed to know we were out here, together.

I felt Bella's body stiffen, her muscles tight, controlled, and then the slight movement of breath into her mouth. I prepared to wrap my body around her, throw us to the ground if necessary.

But then Bella took another, deeper breath, and I felt the tension pour out of her.

"Huh," she said, her voice relaxed. "I can see what everyone's been going on about. You stink, Jacob."

_Only Bella, _Seth thought, huffing with amusement.

My family laughed. _Classic, _thought Emmett.

"Look who's talking" said Jacob, holding his nose, looking like an idiot. I smiled and laughed with unexpected amusement, and endless relief. Bella was never going to cease amazing me. I hugged her close, whispering "I love you" into her ear.

"Okay," said Bella. "So I passed, right?" She looked speculatively from me to Jacob. "Now are you going to tell me what this big secret is?"

_Damn. _Jacob's face became very tight. _Please don't say it, Edward. Not yet. _"It's nothing you need to worry about this second…"

I heard Emmett laugh inside the house. _This is going to be excellent, _he thought, rubbing his hands together. I rolled my eyes, turning to smile at Bella only to find her face completely still, a mirror of want, and fear, and stress.

"Renesmee," she choked out, emotion clouding her voice. She seemed almost afraid to breathe, as if Renesmee was already in front of her.

"Come and see," I said quietly. The time had definitely come. I had seen Bella demonstrate her control beyond anything that could have been imagined – it was time for her to meet her daughter.

"You'll help me?" she whispered, anxiety in her eyes.

"Of course I will."

"And Emmett and Jasper – just in case?"

"We'll take care of you, Bella. Don't worry, we'll be ready. None of us would risk Renesmee. I think you'll be surprised at how entirely she's already wrapped us all around her little fingers. She'll be perfectly safe, no matter what."

Bella looked up towards the house for a moment, her eye's yearning, and then she took a tentative step towards the house.

_No way._ Jacob was in front of her, blocking her path, his faced strained. "Are you _sure,_ bloodsucker?" _Is this just you, giving her what she wants, like always? _"I don't like this. Maybe she should wait-"

I ground my teeth. Did he think I had no consideration for Renesmee's safety as well as Bella's happiness? That he was the only one capable of protecting her?

"You had your test, Jacob," I said, trying to keep my voice steady.

_Maybe he's right, Edward?_ Jasper thought in the house, glancing with worried eyes at Nessie in Rosalie's arms. I realized Renesmee was now only showing her images of Bella's face after her birth, an insistent quality to the thoughts now. She was asking to see Bella. This, above everything else, made my decision for me. My family would understand when I explained about what had happened in the forest.

"But--," Jacob sputtered.

"But nothing," I spat, beyond sick of his continued interference. "Bella needs to see _our_ daughter." _Ours, not yours._ "Get out of her way."

Jacob shot a look at Bella, at her blood stained clothes, at her bright crimson eyes. _This is crazy. _He turned and bolted towards the house._ This is crazy. I won't let Nessie get hurt…_

I growled after him, and then glanced at Bella. She looked confused and worried. _Damn him._

I tried to smooth my features. I didn't want to let Jacob's antics interfere with this moment for Bella. "Shall we?" I asked gently. Bella nodded, looking anxious. I grabbed her hand, holding it tight, her skin barely giving at all under mine, and pulled her towards the house.

Inside, my family was moving swiftly, gathering in a formation that had been discussed while we were in the forest. Jasper, in something of an unusual panic for him, was pointing silent instructions. Rosalie stood by the front door, holding Nessie, ready to leave the room at the slightest hint of aggression from Bella. This was for safety as well as the hope that Renesmee would not have to see Bella violently restrained, if it came to that. My stomach sickened at the thought. _That won't happen._ Several feet in front of her, Jasper and Emmett waited, with Carlisle on one side and Esme and Alice on the other.

Jasper and Emmett were there to restrain, the rest of my family to protect. _Offense and defense._ As always, Jasper was thorough.

As we approached the house, Jacob paused for a moment at the door, but as soon as we neared he darted to the back of the room next to Rosalie. She glared distastefully at him. _I was hoping you'd be dead next time I saw you, mutt, _she grumbled to herself.

Jacob eyed her, as if he knew what she was thinking, and then stood in front of them.

My family was smiling calmly, but their thoughts and the emotions seeping into Jasper betrayed their anxiety. Surprisingly, none of them seemed to know what had occurred during the hunt, with the humans. I had assumed Alice would have told them. I searched her mind, but it was fully occupied with the image of Bella. She was nearly choking in horror at the sight of Bella's dress.

_Dear god, it's even worse in reality! _

Renesmee was straining to see around the line of my family. She caught sight of me first. _Daddy!!_ Then her luminous eyes focused on Bella, as I drew her carefully forward.

Bella froze as Renesmee came into her view. "I was out just two days?" she gasped, obviously taking in Renesmee's enormous growth over the last few days. Jasper's muscles tensed as he read her obvious shock. _Too much, Edward. It's too much to ask._

Renesmee started at the sound of Bella's voice, her eyes widening slightly. She grasped onto the sound, replaying it in her head several times while her eyes scoured Bella's face. She brought up an image of Bella, of a human Bella, in the moments of her birth. _Renesmee. So…beautiful. _The light, airy quality of Bella's human voice was in stark comparison to the singing phrase we had all just heard leave her lips. Renesmee grew slightly anxious with confusion, and Jasper shifted, worried about her, resisting the urge to glance back.

Renesmee lifted a small hand to Rose's throat. _Bella? _Her mind still held the picture of Bella after her birth, but there was a new, questioning tone to the image. Her eyes never left Bella's.

"Yes, that's her," Rose said softly, brushing her fingers over Nessie's hand. _That's your mother._ I caught the slightly bittersweet inflection of Rosalie's thoughts in this moment.

_Bella._ Renesmee's mind turned the dueling images and sounds around for a moment, surrounded by the tumbling memories of before her birth, of the voice, caressing and adoring, that had then been her world, her whole world. Then it all melded together into a distinct, dazzling form, a singular love, and suddenly her small heart sang with unparalleled joy, and a brilliant smile broke out across her face. _Bella. Mommy._

And at that moment, Bella moved towards her. _Stop her, Edward!!_ Jasper thought. I gripped the top of her arms, hard, propelled by his panic. Emmet and Jasper moved swiftly to form a solid wall between Bella and Renesmee, the other's dropping back to create a second barrier.

Rose moved several feet back so that she was pressed to the wall next to the door. _Should I go, should I go?? _Jacob stepped with her, keeping his body between Nessie and Bella.

_I knew it, _he growled.

Jasper's eyes were cool, alert. _Hold her. I can calm her as much as possible so we can get her out of here._

Alice hadn't moved. She glanced at my grip on Bella disapprovingly. _You know she's fine, Edward, _she chided me. I came slightly back to my senses, trying to disentangle myself from Jasper's worry. She was right - Bella's movement had been a tentative step, not an aggressive move. I shook my head slightly at Jasper, and he frowned. I knew first-hand Bella's immaculate control, and I sensed it was still tightly in place. Looking at Alice's mind now, I realized she _had_ seen what had happened in the forest, and the incredible feat Bella had accomplished.

_No, I didn't tell them, _she thought. She looked back at the tense lines of my family. _But you better, if you want them to relax._

"Oh, give her some credit," she said. "She wasn't going to do anything. You'd want a closer look, too."

Everyone glanced around skeptically.

Bella was breathing steadily now. "I'm okay," she said quietly, touching one of my hands, still clamped on her upper arm. "Keep close, though, just in case."

_Bella! Mommy!_ Nessie, blocked by Jacob from her view of Bella, was struggling now in Rose's arms. Bella's new face filled her mind, the emphasis demanding.

I looked at Jasper, and his face tightened with anxiety. Concentrating on Bella, Jasper could feel the intense want, the need, for Bella to see her child rolling off her. And he could also sense her anxiety. _Her emotions are strong, Edward. It doesn't matter if they are good, or bad, appropriate or inappropriate. In a newborn, strong emotions of any kind equals trouble. You know this! She won't be able to keep herself in hand._

But I _knew_ Bella could do this. She was not the typical newborn Jasper imagined. "Jazz, Em, let us through. Bella's got this."

Emmett relaxed. _Okay, Edward, your call._ But Jasper didn't move. He was unhappy with the volatility of the situation. He carried a very heavy burden, feeling responsible for the safety of everyone involved. He couldn't stand the idea of Nessie being hurt, and I realized he was also extremely concerned about Alice being hurt trying to intercede on Bella's part in some sort of scuffle.

Jasper's thoughts became laced with panic. _The baby is so small. We don't know how badly Bella could hurt her! _"Edward, the risk--"

"Minimal," I said. I needed to explain to him exactly why we could trust Bella, so he could relax. "Listen, Jasper – on the hunt she caught the scent of some hikers who were in the wrong place at the wrong time…"

Carlisle gasped. _Oh, no, _he thought in horror. I glanced over in surprise and then immediately realized he had misunderstood what I was going to say. His eyes flared with shock. _You should not have insisted on going alone!_

_Ahh,_ thought Jasper, with a little too much satisfaction. _That explains the lack of thirst._

Esme eyed me with alarm, searching my eyes. _Oh, dear, I hope Edward didn't as well!_ She realized, rightfully so, the nearly impossible temptation such a scene would entail, even for us.

_Disgusting!_ Jacob thought, eyeing the blood on Bella's dress in horror. _No way she's coming near Nessie now! _

Alice rolled her eyes internally. _Oh, yea of little faith. Tell them, Edward. _She was still much more concerned about the state of Bella's dress.

"Edward!" Carlisle admonished. _I'm disappointed in you. _"How could you be so irresponsible?"

"I know, Carlisle, I know." He was right. Although, miraculously, everything had been fine, my actions had been reprehensible given my promise to Bella. "I was just plain stupid. I should have taken the time to make sure we were in a safe zone before I set her loose."

_How many did she get, man? _Emmett thought excitedly, thinking of his wager with Jasper. _This is sweet – I am so going to win this bet! _He shut his eyes briefly, imagining himself riding on the back of Jasper's, formerly my, motorcycle, Rose's long arms and legs wrapped around him. _All mine, for a whole year._

"Edward," said Bella, her voice pained with embarrassment.

_Poor thing, she didn't want us to know,_ thought Esme. _I hope she doesn't feel she let us down._

"He's absolutely right to rebuke me, Bella," I said, smiling. This was actually kind of fun. Even Carlisle, the eternal optimist, was buying into it. "I made a huge mistake. The fact that you are stronger than anyone I've ever known doesn't change that."

Alice was the only one who caught my play on the word _stronger. _She knew I didn't mean physically stronger. She rolled her eyes. "Tasteful joke, Edward." _Tell them, you're upsetting my sister!_

_You are being very flippant about this, Edward, _Carlisle thought disapprovingly. _This is no time for joking._

"I wasn't making a joke." I smiled. "I was explaining to Jasper why I know Bella can handle this. It's not my fault everyone jumped to conclusions."

"Wait," said Jasper suddenly. _What did you mean by stronger?_ "She didn't hunt the humans?" _Impossible._

"She started to," I said slowly, trying to draw out the suspense a little longer. I heard Bella's teeth grind together, and Jasper glanced at her, sensing frustration. "She was entirely focused on the hunt."

"What happened?" Carlisle asked suddenly, realization starting to fill his eyes.

I felt a flush of pride and excitement suddenly. "She heard me behind her and reacted defensively. As soon as my pursuit broke into her concentration, she snapped right out of it. I've never seen anything to equal her. She realized at once what was happening and then…" I paused dramatically, most of my family stock still with anticipation, except for Rosalie, who was struggling in the back to contain Renesmee. _For god's sake, spit it out, Edward, _she thought irritably.

I grinned and continued, speaking each word slowly and carefully. "She held her breath and ran away."

"Whoa," said Emmett. _Are you screwing with us, Eddie? _"Seriously?"

Carlisle clapped his hands together. _Wonderful. Amazing. She's one of a kind. Always has been. _He smiled down at relief at Esme, who was beaming at Bella.

_I don't believe it, _Jasper thought, utterly stunned.

_Okay, great, _thought Rose. _No dead human. Now can we get on with this! _Jacob just stared silently, still looking suspicious.

Bella huffed in irritation. "He's not telling it right," she grumbled. "He left out the part where I growled at him."

_Ooh, now we're talking, _Emmett thought with glee. "Did ya get in a couple of good swipes?" he asked, glancing at me and looking for signs of a struggle. _Is that what happened to the dress? You guys have something of a tussle? _His grin widened.

"No!" Bella said, shocked. "Of course not."

Emmett's eyes shot back to her. "No, not really? You really didn't attack him?" _She's not just saying that to protect your wounded pride, is she?_

"Emmett!" Bella said desperately.

"Aw, what a waste," Emmett groaned. He glared at me and I grinned with delight. _You're such a wuss,_ he thought. "And here you're probably the one person who could take him – since he can't get into your head to cheat – and you had a perfect excuse, too," he said, sighing. "I've been dying to see how he'd do without that advantage."

Bella looked affronted. "I would never."

_She broke off the hunt, didn't attack you, didn't take the humans but actually left of her own volition. _Jasper's thought was not a question but rather an unbelieving restatement of the facts. His expression was clouded.

I mocked punched his shoulder in an attempt to get him out of his continued bad spirits. "You see what I mean?"

"It's not natural," he muttered, unsmiling. _Abnormal. And that means unpredictable._

I sighed. Esme was realizing with horror exactly how close Bella must have been to attacking me. _You know you should never have gotten that close to someone on the hunt, Edward! _"She could have turned on you – she's only hours old!" _Better to have let her go after the humans than risk injury to either one of you. _"Oh, we should have gone with you."

"I was careful, Esme," I said reassuringly.

"She's right, though, Edward. We should have come," said Carlisle. "Still it all worked out."

"That it did," I said, smiling down at Bella. My hands were still on her shoulders, my grip loose now, and she leaned suddenly to the side, trying to see around Jasper's form.

"Edward," she whispered. "Please." And that one word cut right through me, piercing with its emotion, holding an inextricable power over me, as it always did. I glanced up at Jasper, nodding for him to move aside.

Jasper's teeth clenched. _It's not right. It doesn't feel right._

"Jazz, this isn't anything you've seen before. Trust me." Alice spoke quietly, drawing in his gaze, her eyes saying much more than the words. She channeled her confidence, the confidence she had gained watching how Bella had reacted in the forest, and her love, reminding him she would never lead him wrong.

Jasper nodded. _I trust you, Alice. Always._ Looking back, he moved aside slightly, putting a hand on Bella's shoulder, holding it as a restraint as well as a conduit for emotion. _Be ready, Edward. Regardless of whatever you think is going on here, always be ready._ I nodded at him reassuringly, keeping my hands on Bella's upper arms. Alice stood next to Jasper, and as Bella took her first step forward, Carlisle and Esme turned, walking a couple steps in front of us, their bodies angled so they could watch Bella carefully.

_Bella! Mommy!_ Renesmee was increasingly frustrated by our slow progress towards her. As we neared, her sweet, lilting scent began to fill the space around us. Her heart hammered with her efforts to get out of Rose's grasp. _I sense some thirst, _thought Jasper in alarm, and I brought my attention back to Bella, firming up my grip slightly.

Suddenly, Renesmee let out a high, piercing wail, like nothing I had never heard from her before. It shot quickly to the forefront of everything else, panic spiraling instantly inside me. _Is she hurt?_ I whirled in alarm, my feet propelling me to her side, my only thought making sure she was all right.

"Is she okay?" I asked Rose, checking Renesmee over anxiously, my hands running quickly over her arms and legs and head. I looked carefully into her eyes. She seemed perfect.

"What's happened?" Jacob demanded, his shoulder pressed against mine as he pushed in to see her.

"What's the matter?" asked Esme, touching her cheek. Carlisle was trying to get by Jacob so he could look more closely. Alice had her hands on my arm while Emmett peered over both of us. Only Jasper had remained at Bella's side, although he had taken a step forward in concern.

"Is she hurt?" Jacob reached out, placing his hands under Renesmee's arms. Rosalie sighed, but let him take her. _All right, you try containing her!_

"She's fine," she said to Jacob. Jacob glanced up at me with worried eyes, and then looked down, searching Renesmee for signs of injury. Renesmee lifted up her hand and placed her palm against his cheek, keeping her eyes on Bella. Jacob's head filled with Bella's face, the tone of the thought insistent.

"See?" Rose said. "She just wants Bella."

"She wants me?" Bella whispered. We glanced quickly back – her body was leaning forward slightly, as if drawn to Nessie.

_Edward,_ Jasper thought sharply, afraid she was going to move forward.

I moved swiftly back to Bella's side, but not to restrain her as Jazz wanted, but to bring her forward, to meet her daughter. I got behind her again and put my hands on her arms, pressing her forward. They had been lost to each other for too long - now it was time for them to be together.

"She's been waiting for you for almost three days," I whispered in her ear. As we moved closer, Emmett came to stand at Bella's side again, Jasper never taking his hand from her shoulder. Carlisle, Esme and Alice had remained at their places next to Jacob, Rosalie just behind at his shoulder.

Jacob's hands were shaking, but it was out of sheer anxiety, not the tremors that precipitated phasing. Still, I saw Bella glance nervously at his hands.

"Jake – I'm fine," she said.

_For how long?_ He stared into her eyes, trying to gauge her mood. _I can't tell anything from those damn red eyes!_ Renesmee was straining in his arms, her hands reaching and grasping for Bella. As we came within a step of them, Bella suddenly froze. We all stilled with her, no one breathing except Jacob and Nessie, no sounds but the interlocking melody of their hearts.

And then, suddenly, the anxiety drained from Bella's face. Jasper blinked in surprise. Her shoulders relaxed, and her expression changed to one of confident expectation. In one smooth movement she stepped forward, and reaching out with her hand, and took Renesmee from Jacob's arms as naturally as if she had been holding her since the moment she was born.

_Oh, god. _Panic ratcheted up exponentially in Jacob's mind as he refused to let the baby go, instead keeping his hands on her even as she settled into Bella's arms. I glared meaningfully at him, but he didn't look away from Nessie.

Nessie sighed contentedly, drinking in Bella's face. _Bella._ She smiled and began to very slowly reach towards her face with her hand.

_Watch it, now,_ thought Jasper in alarm. Renesmee's gift might be extremely unsetting for Bella. I tightened my hold slightly, as Nessie's pink fingers came to rest on Bella's cheek, and the familiar vision of Bella, human Bella, arose again. How shocking that image must be for her. We waited, still, all eyes on her face except for Jacob, who looked only at Renesmee.

"What…was…that?" Bella said finally, her voice rough with confusion.

"What did you see?" Rosalie asked. "What did she show you?"

"She showed me that?" Bella gasped.

"I told you it was hard to explain," I said softly. "But effective as a means of communications go."

"What was it?" Jacob demanded.

"Um." Bella shook her head slightly, as if clearing her thoughts. "Me, I think. But I looked terrible."

_Terrible._ Yes. For it had been only seconds later that Bella's heart had stopped. Before the world had begun to spiral into blackness. I shuddered at the memory of those dark moments, forever etched into my mind.

"It was the only memory she had of you," I said. "She's letting you know that she's made the connection, that she knows who you are."

"But how does she do it?"

"How do I hear thoughts? How does Alice see the future?" I shrugged. "She's gifted."

"It's an interesting twist," Carlisle said, looking at me. _The gift of giving thoughts._ "Like she's doing the exact opposite of what you can."

_Exactly as I had thought. "_Interesting," I mused. "I wonder if there could possibly be some sort of genetic connection?"

"That's entirely possible," Carlisle mused. "Still, I think the gifts come from our own innate possibilities. Although, since she is your daughter, some of her genetic predisposition…"

As Carlisle spoke, I found myself impossibly distracted from his words by the vision of Renesmee in Bella's arms. The way Bella's arms curved around Renesmee's small body. How their heads inclined naturally towards each other as their eyes latched, Bella's dark tresses intermingling in Renesmee's copper curls, creating a mixture of mahogany streaked with bronze rays of sunshine. A new light seemed to enter Bella's eyes, a fierce and protective tenderness, as she gazed down at Renesmee. _The love of a mother._

Bella leaned down gently, pressing her lips to Renesmee's forehead, and inhaled deeply, closing her eyes.

Jasper tensed. _She's burning. I don't like this. _

Alice, sensing his stiff muscles, came around and rubbed his arm reassuringly. "She's fine," she said softly. _Look at her expression._

"Haven't we experimented enough for one day?" Jacob said uncomfortably. He was practically bouncing with stress, watching Bella's face so close to Renesmee._ Her teeth, _he thought anxiously. "Okay, Bella's doing great, but let's not push it."

Bella stiffened, her eyes swinging up towards him. Her anger shot through Jasper, and he tensed.

"What is your problem, Jacob?" Bella snarled. She pulled on Renesmee, but Jacob refused to give her up. My family crowded closer, Emmett posing his hands over Bella while Carlisle and Esme readied themselves to snatch Renesmee.

_Got to say I agree with the dog on this one, Edward, _thought Emmett. _This is getting ugly._

I was furious. Bella's time with her daughter shouldn't be cut short because Jacob was agitating her, undermining how incredible she was doing. I glared at him and he looked up, feeling my wrath.

_It's not safe, Edward! You're too biased to think this through!!_

_Biased against my own daughter!_ I hissed. "Just because I understand, doesn't mean I won't throw you out, Jacob," I growled. "Bella's doing extraordinarily well. Don't ruin the moment for her."

_Finally, _thought Rosalie. "I'll help him toss you, dog," she snarled. "I owe you a good kick in the gut."

Jacob ignored her, his eyes trained on Renesmee now, his thoughts snarled and panicked his face a flashing mosaic of fear and adoration. _She's everything to me. She can't get hurt. I won't let her be in danger. I can't. She's everything, everything…_

"No!" Bella cried.

Jasper was hit with a blast of uncontrolled shock and horror. _Jesus! Get the baby!_ He tried to send a wave of calm into Bella as he threw his other arm back protectively in front of Alice. I wrapped my arms firmly around Bella's body, grasping my wrists tightly on either side. I knew I wouldn't be able to maintain this hold against her strength, and was glad that Emmett pressed up close as well. Jacob had grabbed Nessie immediately, stumbling back several feet, Carlisle and Esme on his sides.

_Damn Jacob and this imprinting business to hell! _I fumed.

"Rose," said Bella, her voice seething, but steady. "Take Renesmee."

_Oh, crap,_ Jacob thought, handing Nessie to Rose. As soon as the baby was in her arms, Rose backed away from both Bella and Jacob. Jacob backed off in the opposite direction, drawing Bella's gaze with him.

"Edward," Bella said quietly. "I don't want to hurt you, so please let go of me."

I wasn't worried about her hurting me. But I didn't know if she would go for Jacob. Had she truly figured it out?

_I don't know if that's a good idea, Edward, _thought Carlisle.

Emmett glanced at me. _Just let them have it out, bro._ _It's bound to happen._

"Go stand in front of Renesmee," Bella snapped. I hesitated for another moment, torn.

_Let her go, Edward, _Jacob thought. _This is between me and her. I'll take the consequences._

_Fine._ I released my hands from her shoulders, and she immediately crouched, taking two deliberate steps toward Jacob.

"You didn't," she growled, her face hard and angry. Oh, she had definitely figured it out. I had spent many, many minutes during the last couple days imagining what Bella's response might be when she found out about the imprint. Clearly, it turned out, we were on the same page about it. And, while I hated to see her angry, I felt oddly gratified by the obvious fury of her reaction. _For once, Jacob's not going to get off easy. _

_Okay, let's remain calm._ Jacob held up his hands and started to move backwards. "You know it's not something I can control."

"You stupid mutt!! How could you? My baby!!" Bella yelled as she tracked Jacob, moving forward slowly while I trailed carefully behind. Jasper and Emmett circled on either side, but did not interfere. Not as long as her wrath was pointed only at Jacob.

_Don't let this get out of hand, _thought Carlisle warningly. He stepped backwards carefully, pulling Esme with him, moving until they were in front of Rose, who had backed all the way up to the far wall with Renesmee clutched to her. Alice went with them.

Bella followed Jacob as he backed out the door, down the stairs and started jogging backwards across the front lawn, drawing her further from the house, and Renesmee. "It wasn't my idea, Bella!"

"I've held her all of one time, and already you think you have some moronic wolfy claim to her?" Bella's voice seethed. She continued to follow, stalking, still crouched low to the ground. Jasper and I trailed at a careful distance, Emmett lingering at the bottom of the stairs. "She's mine."

I smiled. _That's right, love, you tell him._

"I can share," Jacob said desperately.

Carlisle, Esme and Alice came out onto the porch. "Pay up," I heard Emmett mutter to Alice. Apparently during our earlier absence, unable to get any other takers, he had managed to convince Alice to bet him that Bella would take down Jacob when she found out about the imprinting. He had been very pleased with himself, figuring that Alice couldn't see the future, at least not that one, for once.

However, Alice had already seen Bella's feat of self-control in the forest, and had had no qualms about using that info to her advantage. They'd bet one month's use of her Porsche, since motor vehicles was Em's preferred wager, against a month of Emmett accompanying Alice shopping on demand, and carrying her bags. He held out his hand now for her keys, while Alice glared. _I can't believe Bella's letting that dog get to her_, she mused in disbelief.

"How dare you imprint on my baby?" Bella was yelling. "Have you lost your mind?"

"It was involuntary," he pleaded, edging toward the forest. Leah and Seth appeared on either side of him.

Leah snapped her teeth towards Bella. _Back off, bitch, _she growled. I gritted my teeth, finding her choice of words ironic, and moved to intercede between them, but then Bella bared her teeth at Leah, letting out a formidable snarl, and I paused.

_I think the girl can handle herself, _Emmett thought, impressed. Rosalie had now come out of the house and was standing on the porch with the others, Renesmee watching with curious confusion from her arms.

"Bella, would you try to listen for just a second? Please?" Jacob pleaded. "Leah, back off," he snapped.

Leah bared her teeth. _Bite me, Jacob._

_Come on, Leah, _Seth thought, worried.

Bella hissed. "Why should I listen?" she growled.

"Because you're the one who told me this. Do you remember?" Jacob asked as his voice lowered, holding her gaze, his eyes intense. "You said we belonged in each other's lives, right? That we were family. You said that was how you and I were supposed to be. So…now we are." He noticed Bella's stare turn slightly speculative. _Come on Bella, please understand this. Please. I want you to. I _need_ you to. I need us to be okay. _"It's what you wanted," he whispered, hoping to get through.

But Bella's face quickly hardened with fury. "You think you'll be a part of my family as my son-in-law!" she shrieked, her voice echoing through the forest.

Emmett laughed. _Nice one, Bella._

"Stop her, Edward," Esme said. "She'll be unhappy if she hurts him."

_Actually, _Jasper thought, _she's still in control, although she's angry. _He was far less concerned now that Renesmee wasn't in danger, although he was eyeing Leah suspiciously.

I stayed back a comfortable distance. If she hadn't snapped at this point, I didn't think she would. But I was taking a rather sadistic pleasure in watching Jacob incur a justifiable wrath. _Those sad puppy-dog eyes aren't going to get you out of it this time, _I thought with satisfaction. God, it was so good to see her get really angry with him!

"No," Jacob was yelling in protest. "How can you even look at it that way? She's just a baby, for crying out loud!"

"That's my point," yelled Bella.

"You know I don't think of her that way! Do you think Edward would have let me live this long if I did? All I want is for her to be safe and happy – is that so bad? So different from what you want?" Jacob was riled up now.

Bella's face glowed brilliant with fury. The long lines of her body were tensed, poised, her hair a dark cascade around her shoulder. She threw her head back slightly, emitting a growl that spiraled up several octaves into a furious shriek. Jasper and I tensed, our hands coming up, but, incredibly, Bella remained still. She didn't attack.

I relaxed and glanced over at Jasper. "Amazing, isn't she?" He shook his head at me, speechless.

"She hasn't gone for his throat even once," I heard Carlisle say from the porch. _I've never witnessed such self-control in a newborn._

I heard Alice clear her throat. She was looking at Emmett with her eyebrow raised.

"Fine, you win this one," Emmett muttered. _Ugh, shopping._

"You're going to stay away from her," Bella hissed at Jacob.

_No, Bells!_ "I can't do that!" _Don't do this to me! Edward, say something! I know you understand._

I raised my eyebrows in disbelief. There was no way I was stepping in on this one – understand or not, I had told him from the start the situation was temporary until Bella woke, and we discussed things. Not that I would call this a discussion, but, well…it was fun to watch.

Bella's teeth snapped together. "Try," she snarled. "Starting now."

_Thank you, Bella!_ Rosalie was crowing with pleasure on the porch.

"It's not possible," pleaded Jacob. "Do you remember how much you wanted me around three days ago? How hard it was to be apart from each other? That's gone for you now, isn't it?"

Bella stared at him, silent.

"That was her," he said, his voice growing softer. "From the very beginning. We had to be together, even then."

Bella was quiet, the burn in her eyes dimming slightly. Her expression was searching, as she seemed to contemplate his words. I actually took some relief in her apparent acceptance that his thoughts might be true. I hoped it meant that her feelings towards him had now tempered, back to the more comfortable realm of friendship, instead of the intense, needfulness that had been very hard to bear, at least for me.

Jasper cocked an eye at me. _She's buying it. She's calming down._

"Run away while you still can," Bella said, her voice still angry, but a little calmer.

"C'mon, Bells," Jacob said, sensing an in. "Nessie likes me, too."

Instantly, Bella's whole body stiffened as the word "Nessie" left his lips. Jasper whipped his head back to her, concern flashing across his face.

_Oh, I think that was a mistake, dog-boy,_ thought Emmett.

"_What _did you call her," Bella hissed, her body moving just imperceptibly further down into a crouch.

_Time to move in?_ Jasper wondered.

I cocked my head to the side, considering. If she hadn't attacked about the imprint, I didn't think this would do it. It was only a nickname. I was so used to hearing it I didn't even give it any thought.

Jacob took a step back. "Well, that name you came up with is kind of a mouthful and –"

Bella's voice pierced through the entire surrounding forest, probably reaching the highway. "You nicknamed my daughter after the _Loch Ness Monster?_"

Later, I would realize, because Jasper felt the snap a moment before it registered in his mind, and made its way into mine, he reacted a fraction of a second before I did. A fraction of a second before I felt the blistering tempest of fury that circled and then consumed Bella, just a moment before I saw her press her weight onto her back foot and realized that all control had been swept into that storm, and was being launched at the cowering half human in front of her.

In gruesome slow motion I watched Bella's body launch off the ground, arcing like an arrow towards Jacob, who stumbled backwards, hands up. As I hurled myself towards her I could see Jasper's body out of the corner of my eye, just ahead of mine, arms wide to catch and wrap around her. And with sickening certainty I realized we were not going to make it in time. The trajectory and speed of Bella's body towards Jacob would guarantee she would reach her target before we reached ours.

And in that awful moment, I realized she was going to kill Jacob. And with horrible dread, I realized that no matter how many times I had dreamed, and laughed, and threatened such a thing, I didn't actually want it to happen.

Suddenly, there was a flash of sandy-colored fur. _No! _Seth cried as he flung his body in front of Jacob.

_Seth! _Leah screamed.

"Seth, stop!" Jacob cried.

Seth's body was just coming between Jacob and Bella when she slammed into him from the force of her jump, hitting his shoulder. I heard the audible snap of a bone breaking. Seth was flung several feet next Jacob by the impact. Bella's leap was halted by the collision with Seth, her feet hitting the ground, but she bent her knees as if she might launch forward again. _Almost there,_ I thought.

_No!_ Leah shrieked, and I turned my head slightly to see her leaping towards Bella. Jasper reached Bella as Leah did, ramming into Bella's side and grabbing her with one arm while swinging to kick Leah off course. She hit the grass snarling several feet away.

Bella twisted, automatically throwing out an arm in defense and knocking Jasper away, slamming him down hard onto the ground behind to her.

_Christ, that hurts, _he thought as he jumped up, moving into a crouch in front of Leah. _She's all yours, Edward._

I struck her from behind, quickly wrapping my arms around her body and grabbing my wrists with each hand. As she pulled, about to wrench away from me, I bent close to her ear and said quietly, "Bella."

She froze at the sound of my voice. There was a long moment of silence, broken only by the panting of the wolves, and the pounding of their hearts. Jacob pulled in a long, ragged breath, staring at Bella with wide eyes. _Geez, remind me not to get her mad again. _Keeping a careful watch on Bella, he moved swiftly over and knelt next to Seth, who was lying prone on the ground. He touched him gently, and Seth whined and rolled over slightly.

_Seth! Seth! _Leah was shrieking desperately in her head. Jasper was still crouched in front of her, Emmett next to him having arrived a half second after me. She glared at the two of them, shaking her head, and then moved in a wide circle around them to her brother's side.

_I'm okay, Leah, _Seth thought. He turned his head to look at me, wincing slightly. _I'm fine, Edward._ _Just a bruise._ I rolled my eyes. We had all heard the bone break.

"Carlisle," I called. Carlisle sprang off the porch, leaving the protective position he had taken in front of Rose and Nessie, and headed over to us. He knelt down next to Jacob, and began carefully prodding Seth through his fur with his fingers.

Bella, still frozen in my arms, was now staring in horror at Seth on the ground. "Oh, no," she suddenly groaned. She bent her knees, her body sagging slightly with distress. I hugged her tight against me.

"It's okay, love," I whispered in her ear. "He's going to be fine, everything turned out all right." Inside I was seething with fury and disappointment in myself. Bella had only been awake a couple of hours, and twice already my lapses in judgment had let her down. And now Seth had gotten hurt in the process.

Leah, who was pacing back and forth next to Seth, stopped abruptly and looked up at me, huffing. _Exactly what part of this is _all right, _you idiot?_

Carlisle glanced up at us. _Why don't you take Bella away from here, Edward? Let her calm down. I'm going to bring Seth into the house – looks like a broken collarbone_.

I nodded, glancing at Jasper first. He stared intently at Bella, sensing only remorse. I released my grip from around Bella's body, wrapping just one arm firmly around her shoulders. I turned us around and she followed numbly. As we started towards the house I heard a quiet hiss. I glanced up quickly and saw Rosalie, eyes wide, pressed against the house, Renesmee's face turned towards her. Esme stood next to her, a hand on her shoulder.

_Don't bring her near Nessie! _Rose thought in alarm. _Not in that state. _Esme's face was sad, but I could tell she agreed with Rosalie.

I sighed, but changed the direction of our course so that we were heading around the back of the house. Emmett jogged up next to us, clapping a hand on Bella's shoulder.

"Now that's what we like to see," he bellowed approvingly. Bella looked up at him in horror, and I glared over her head. He looked slightly taken aback for a second, and then his face furrowed with concern. He bent down slightly, bringing his eyes level with Bella's and keeping his hand on her shoulder.

"It's okay, Bella," he said in a low voice. "We've all been there." Bella nodded a little, giving him a slight smile. Alice appeared at his side, pushing him with both hands.

"Go away, Emmett," she muttered. Emmett shrugged, giving Bella another pat on the shoulder and then moving swiftly up onto the porch with Rose.

Alice put an arm around Bella. "Let's take a walk, sweetie," she said. Bella glanced down, her shoulders slightly stiff. I could tell she wanted to be alone – she was embarrassed.

"I'll take her, Alice," I murmured. Alice looked slightly pouty, but nodded. _Okay, I guess I understand. _She kissed Bella's cheek before skipping up onto the porch after Emmett.

We walked in silence around the house, pausing about halfway down the lawn towards the river. The sun had set, and whatever remnants of glow that might be visible on the horizon were obscured by the dark, dense spread of the forest. I remembered the night we danced out here, at our wedding. Only that night, there had been stars. Tonight was cloudy, but not the dark, distinct black clouds of a storm, but a cool, gray cover, consistent, encompassing, seemingly never-ending.

Bella stared out at the forest for a while, her eyes their own burning red orbs of sun, while I watched her, holding her hand. We didn't speak for a while, and I didn't push her. I knew that sometimes Bella just needed time, and space, to work through her own thoughts. She had always been that way. And so far, she'd been given very little opportunity to process everything that had happened. Bella has always been so careful and methodical in her decision making, and actions. In her life in general. How overwhelming this all must be, the sudden, immense power of her senses, a hallmark of our kind, and impulsive nature of her responses.

Finally, Bella turned to me. "Edward, I'm so, so…"

"No, Bella," I said quickly, knowing already that this would be an apology. "It's not your fault. Please. I'm the one who should be apologizing to you."

"What do you have to apologize for?" she muttered.

"Because I should have been closer. And before that, because I should have made sure the forest was safe before we hunted." I sighed in frustration. "I promised you that I wouldn't let you hurt anyone. And I'm mad at myself, because I thought I was done with breaking promises, and letting you down."

"You've never let me down, Edward," Bella said, concern in her voice.

I shook my head. _If only that were true_, I thought bitterly. That was another thing about Bella that did not, and would never, change. Her capacity for seeing the best in people, even when they didn't deserve it.

Bella sighed, looking back out over the forest. Finally, she blew a long breath out and shook her head. "I can't believe this." She turned to look at me. "You get how twisted this is, right? Jacob _imprinting_ on Renesmee. My baby. Our daughter. I mean – she's half-vampire. Is that even possible?"

"Apparently," I grumbled.

"What are we going to do?" she asked, her voice slightly desperate.

"I don't know," I said, laughing. "I've been waiting for you to wake up, hoping you would know!"

She shook her head, smiling. "Well, I'm sorry to tell you I have _no_ idea." Her expression faltered slightly. "Why did you let him stay?" she asked quietly.

I sighed, thinking back over my conversation with Jacob, and then my family. Bella, of course, understood quite a bit more about the imprinting than they did, from her familiarity with the pack. But this was entirely different, of course, since it was our baby.

"What he says is true," I admitted. "He loves Renesmee, and he just wants her to be safe and happy. At the time, as much as I didn't like it, I didn't think it would be of any harm for her to have him around. And he wanted to stay." He _really_ wanted to stay.

"And so he's been here every since?"

"Basically."

Bella shook her head. "But…but he can't be here _all_ the time, practically living with us." Her face grew increasingly anxious. "I mean, when Renesmee's older, she…how can he…"

I reached up quickly and pressed a hand to her cheek. God knew I understood how she felt. "Bella, we don't have to figure this all out right now." I slid my fingers down her cheek, and her expression relaxed, her eyes growing hotter. I reached down and took her hand. "We'll work it out as we go. Together."

"You know," Bella said, cocking her head and eyeing me, "you're in an awfully good place about all this. When did you find out?"

"Find out?"

"About Jacob…and Renesmee," she said.

"Ah," I murmured. "A few minutes after your, uh…" For a moment, my throat felt too tight to speak. "After your heart started beating again," I whispered. I shook myself, and then laughed harshly. "Anyway, don't feel bad. I almost killed him too, when I found out."

"Oh," said Bella in a small voice. "How long was I…?" Her voice trailed off.

I looked down at her. _An eternity._

"A few minutes," I said softly. "We…I…performed CPR."

Bella was watching me with wide eyes. "I'm so sorry, Edward," she said quietly, her voice rough.

I stared at her. "For what?"

"I almost died," she whispered. "I'm sorry you had to go through that. It must have been terrible for you."

I laughed with disbelief, and then grabbed her with both arms, drawing her close, again relishing the freedom to hug her to me as tightly as I wanted, as I'd always wanted.

"What _I _went through? Bella, you endured terrible pain, and fear, and even death. What I went through was…well, I would happily to go into the darkest pits of hell and back a million times, Bella, if it meant I would end up with you beside me." I pulled away and brought one hand under her chin, lifting her face up to mine with my finger.

"Beside me, forever," I said quietly. "All that doesn't matter now." And, somehow, it truly didn't. "All that matters is that you, and me, and our daughter, are together."

"I love you, Edward," Bella whispered, curving a hand around my face.

"I love you, too." I smiled. I saw movement out of the corner of my eye. "They're bringing Seth into the house. Why don't we head inside?"

She cringed as we started up towards the house. "I still feel terrible about…"

"Bella," I said in a warning voice. I had a feeling she was going to try to take this all onto herself, no matter what I did.

"Well, I do," she muttered.

We came in through the back door. Seth was sitting on the couch, looking remarkably relaxed. He had phased out front, and, fortunately, thrown on some pants, before coming inside. Jasper was standing behind the couch, but came over to stand next to Bella when she entered the room.

Carlisle glanced at me. _Could be the shoulder, too. Might as well get an x-ray._

I walked over, laying a hand on Seth's good shoulder. "Seth, I am so, so sorry."

"No, Edward," Bella protested from across the room. "I should be the one…"

"Don't worry about it, Bella," Seth laughed. "It's not your fault. Jake's just the kind of guy you sometimes want to take a good swipe at."

I couldn't help smiling. Now that Jacob wasn't dead, I realized I still very much enjoyed the memory of Bella shrieking at him and stalking him across the yard.

"All the same…" Bella started.

"No, Bella," Carlisle said kindly. "You have nothing to apologize. You've handled yourself extremely well, considering."

"Where's the baby?" I asked.

Carlisle looked suddenly uncomfortable. "She's on the porch with Rose." _I think they thought that was best._

I furrowed my brow and headed over to the front door. Opening it, I looked out to find Rosalie staring at me, her face guarded. Renesmee, still in Rose's arms, smiled widely and held out her arms.

"I'll take her," I said, stepping towards them. Rose quickly took a step back.

"I don't think it's a good idea," she whispered.

I rolled my eyes. "Bella can hear you, you know," I muttered. _Hello, she's a vampire, now_. Guilt swept across Rose's face.

_I'm sorry, I just think it's best until she's calmed down. _

Heavy feet pounded up the stairs and Jacob appeared at my side.

"I agree, Edward. Clearly Bella's in no condition to be handling the baby," he said, moving past me without looking, and taking Nessie from Rose with a confidence and possessiveness I didn't quite care for.

"And that is your decision exactly how?" I growled.

_Please, be reasonable, Edward, _Rosalie pleaded. _I want them to be together, too, but… _"I just think everyone needs to calm down a little."

Jacob nodded vigorously. "Yes, definitely." I narrowed my eyes at him. Nessie lifted a hand to his throat, filling his mind with a vision of Bella's face looking down at her.

I gritted my teeth. "She's Bella's child and if she wants to see her…"

"Edward, it's okay," Bella said softly from inside the house. "I think maybe I should wait a while."

I sighed. Jacob gave me a weak smile. _See, we all agree._ I growled softly at him before turning and stepping back into the house. Bella sat on the couch, looking unhappy, and my chest clenched.

Suddenly, the phone rang. We all glanced sharply towards the sound. Alice appeared in the doorway to the dining room. "Charlie," she said softly.

I looked over at Carlisle, who was kneeling next to Seth. "Let it go," he said after a moment, standing up and glancing with a troubled expression at Bella. Her eyes were wide. He turned back to Seth and offered a hand. "Let's get you upstairs for an x-ray."

_Edward_. I glanced up. Alice was beckoning me through the dining room door. I followed her into the kitchen, where Emmett and Esme waited.

Alice bounced excitedly on the balls of her feet. _We are going to do the finishing touches on your cottage. Esme's going to give everything a once-over, Emmett will get a fire going, and I'm going to make a final check on the closet. _She clapped her hands with delight. _I thought it could be a birthday present._

I looked at her in confusion, and she rolled her eyes. _It will be midnight in a few hours, silly. Bella's birthday!_

I smiled suddenly, thinking of my ruminations of the night before. _It is time to create fresh memories._ Esme came up to me and brought out something from behind her back. It was the key to the Ferrari, purchased in what seemed like another lifetime altogether, mostly under the watchful eye of Alice, since I had been far more concerned at the time with finding the safest car in the world for my human Bella. She had tied a small, elegant blue ribbon on it. _I thought you might also like to give her this, finally. _I took it from her fingers, nodding, and slipped it into my smiled and kissed me on the cheek, then headed into the other room to say goodbye to Carlisle.

Emmett punched me in the shoulder. _Do you want me to stock the bedroom for you? Rose and I have a nice set of…"_

I clamped my teeth together, glaring as I quickly shut him out. The last thing I needed to see was another memory of his and Rose's varied and creative sexual escapades. He shrugged, grinning even more widely, and headed out after Esme.

Alice smiled. _I'm so excited! I know she'll love it. At least, I think…_ Her eyes faded away for a moment, searching for the future, and suddenly I caught a glimpse in her mind of a rather shocking image of Bella and me on the floor of the cottage. Alice quickly stamped it out, embarrassment flashing briefly across her face before she grinned, shrugging. _Oops! Well, that's a good sign! _She winked and then darted out of the room. I heard her announce to Bella that they were going hunting as they all flew out the back door and over the river, towards the cottage.

I remained standing where she had left me, the image of Bella and me frozen in my vision. I turned slowly and went back into the living room, pausing at the doorway. I watched Bella for a moment, thinking of the image of the future I had just seen, and drawn back to the times I had put my hands on her body, the moments she had given all of herself to me. A fire, deep inside, began to burn, flaming quickly, searing through everything until in encompassed every part of my body.

And suddenly, I hoped they didn't take too long getting that cottage ready.

Because I couldn't wait to get Bella alone.

* * *

_We're getting close to the end but SM has so many details in this part of the book it just keeps going on and on – and I'm glad!!_

_Thanks for your reviews!!_


	26. Unbound

_Thank you for all of the amazing reviews! Once again, I am sorry when I don't reply but I do read and love them all. I have been writing and posting this story for over a year now on FF, and almost a year on Twilighted, (which is just incredible to me) and I am amazed and indebted to all of the wonderful readers who have stuck with me this long, as well as everyone who reads and reviews. I can't thank you enough!_

_Just a reminder, to keep expectations at bay for the cottage scene, that this story is not rated for anything explicit. I have tried to keep the story fairly in line with what SM wrote, so that it is accessible to many, and I don't want to start changing that now. I am definitely adding some details, but there won't be any sort of "lemon". :)_

_Thank you to my beta's noamg and lada_8 – their help is always invaluable!_

_Song for this chapter:_ Crush_ by Dave Matthews Band_

_Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight._

_

* * *

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_I pressed my lips to the silken skin of her collarbone, damp with sweat, the salty moisture combining with her sweet, lilting taste, creating a slight tang against my tongue. The sun filtered through the blue curtains, reflecting the hue of morning sky over her body, as the waves embraced the shore outside. I listened as her heartbeat and breathing finally began to slow, savoring the tantalizing, addicting thrill of her response._

_She shifted slightly beneath me, sighing, her hands stroking my head through my hair, her airy touch a breathtaking catalyst, provoking sensation through every nerve in my body. I stroked her shoulder with my thumb, and then trailed my fingers down her arm, her bare skin exquisite, my hand then falling and flowing into the curve of her waist. I stilled my touch against her hip, willing myself not to move, trying not to betray the wanton, unceasing passion I felt, even in this moment when she was still languid and sleepy._

_But, as if sensing my thoughts, her hand trailed fire down my cheek, weightless fingers encouraging my chin to lift so our gazes met. I tried not to let my eyes reflect my need, but she knew._

"_Again?" she asked, her face tired, but pleased. Feeling weak, and yet extraordinarily happy, I rose up slightly, gently covering her body with mine, my lips meeting hers tenderly._

"_Yes," I murmured. "Again..."_

"Poisonous!"

I was jolted out of my memory by Bella's distressed shriek. I realized I was still standing in the doorway of the dining room, gazing at her, with who knew what kind of expression on my face. I refocused myself quickly to see her staring in horror at Jasper, who had his hand on Bella's shoulder and was trying to calm her. He looked up at me.

_Sorry, Edward_. He shrugged. _I thought she knew. _I realized he'd just informed Bella that our venom was poisonous to the wolves. That had she, purposefully or not, bitten Seth, it would have killed him, even if we had been able to get her off him.

I sighed, giving Jasper a look. _As if Bella wasn't already upset enough._

_Well, _he thought, slightly indignant at my expression. _Seems like something she should know, if we are going to have dogs hanging out here all the time. _He tilted his head slightly towards the front porch, where Jacob was listening intently.

_I didn't know the bloodsuckers knew that, _Jacob grumbled. _Sam is going to flip!_

"So you mean that if I had bitten Seth or Jacob, I would have killed them?" Bella's voice was still several octaves too high.

"Well," laughed Jasper, "that's a heck of a lot better than the venom turning them into one of us."

_Damned straight,_ thought Leah from outside.

Bella stared at Jasper with wide eyed dismay. I walked swiftly across the room to her side. "Don't worry, sweetheart." I knelt down next to her. "They are just fine."

She looked at me, irritation flashing in her crimson eyes. Jasper was keeping a steady flow of calm into her. "How could you never have told me that?" she growled.

I glanced momentarily at Jasper, again thanking him for bringing this up at such a perfect time. "If just…never came up before, love." Suddenly, the phone rang loudly. We all looked towards it silently.

"See who it is, Edward," Carlisle said. He and Seth were just coming down the stairs, Carlisle carrying a brace. _Caller Id, _he thought.

_Oh. _With Alice around we rarely used it. I shot over to the phone and glanced at the display.

_Swan, C._

"Charlie," I murmured. Bella sucked in a swift breath.

_Let it go again, _Carlisle thought, worried. _It's too risky without Alice here to see what he will do._

I nodded, walking slowly back to Bella. She looked at me with sad eyes.

"Oh, Edward," she said softly. "My dad. What are we going to do?" I sat next to her, rubbing her back gently.

_You know this can't go on, Edward, _Jasper thought. _We have to leave soon._

Carlisle and Seth neared the sofa. Carlisle glanced up at me as he settled Seth down. _Collarbone and shoulder,_ he thought. _I'm going to brace it._

"Can you give me a hand, Edward," he said aloud. I got up and moved over next to Seth, holding his arm in the position Carlisle needed while he started to fit the brace to Seth's mammoth shoulder. Seth was keeping his face passive, but I could sense the pain in his mind.

"Seth, again, I'm so sorry," I said softly. I heard Bella grind her teeth behind me, apparently still thinking I shouldn't be apologizing.

"Really, man, it's not your fault," Seth said. _Don't worry – it was actually kinda cool!_

"Should we…should we call Sue?" Bella asked in small voice. "I mean, can you still not go home? Because of the pack?" Then panic flared in her face, as if a sudden thought had struck her, and she stood up swiftly. "Wait - the treaty," she gasped. "Do they know about me? That I've been changed? Will they attack when they find out?" Her eyes flew to the front porch, where Renesmee waited with Jacob and Rose, exposed.

"Oh, no, love," I said quickly. "That's all straightened out." _As much as it ever can be._

Bella looked at me with surprised eyes. "What do you mean?" she breathed.

"Well," I said slowly, thinking where to begin. "Firstly, technically we didn't break the treaty." Bella gave me a questioning look. "Jacob, as Alpha, gave me permission to change you."

"He did? When was this?" Bella said quickly, her face hardening slightly. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't get a chance," I responded. "It was in the minutes before Renesmee was born."

"Oh," she said softly, her hand moving unconsciously to her flat stomach. She stared towards the front wall, relief and gratitude passing briefly across her face before being replaced by a grimace.

"Uh, thanks Jacob, I guess," she muttered, clearly not up to being too nice to him yet. Jacob laughed softly out on the front porch.

"And then Jacob went to see Sam," Seth said, "to explain everything. Alone, of course." He frowned, still aggravated to have been left behind.

"Really?" Bella said, sitting back down slowly. I could hear the interest piqued in her voice, and I smiled. "Then what happened?"

I let Seth do most of the explaining of what had passed between Jacob and Sam, and then later Sam and Carlisle. I saw Bella glance at me, a conflicted, tender look in her eyes, when Seth explained that I had refused to leave her side to translate between Sam and Carlisle.

"Wow," said Bella, when Seth finally stopped for a breath. "So, will you be going back to La Push now, Seth?"

"No," said Seth. _Yes, _thought Jacob and Leah in unison.

There was a small noise from the front porch, a light cry of protest from Renesmee. Bella stiffened, her face immediately filled with fear and yearning.

"She's just hungry," I whispered reassuringly, reaching out and taking her hand to pull her onto the couch next to me. Renesmee was squirming in Jacob's arms, her hand on his face, insistent pictures of him feeding her filling his head.

The door clicked open softly, and Rosalie stepped inside. "Feeling better?" she asked Bella kindly.

Bella shrugged, tilting her head to the side. "I'm calmer," she said. "But I still feel terrible about what happened."

Rose smiled and swept into the kitchen. I heard the refrigerator door swing open. "Well, I certainly hope you aren't feeling bad about almost killing that reeking throw rug out on the front porch," she said breezily. The refrigerator slammed shut, and Rose carried a bag of blood over to the counter. "God knows he deserved it. I wanted to do it myself when _I_ found out, but…" Her head suddenly popped into the room through the doorway and she glared at me. "Edward wouldn't let me." She disappeared back into the kitchen.

_Bring it on, Ice-Queen, _Jacob thought. I tried to bite back a smile.

"Honestly, Rosalie," Carlisle said, still adjusting Seth's brace.

_Ow, _Seth thought, grimacing. I felt a stab of guilt again, the smile dropping from my face. Whatever my feelings towards Jacob and the imprint, Seth should never have had to put himself in the path of danger. _Why couldn't it have been Leah, _I mused. _Bella owed her one for that rant the other day._

"I'm so sorry, Seth," I said. "I should have been closer."

"Seth, I…" Bella tried to jump in with an apology, a miserable expression on her face. She glanced with despair at Carlisle and then Jasper, and I knew, had she been human, her fragile skin would have been a deep shade of red. She still didn't seem to appreciate that we were all _impressed _by how well she had been holding things together, not upset.

"Bella, love, no one is judging you. You're doing so well."

"Don't worry about it Bella, I'm totally fine," Seth interjected.

_Hand me that piece, Edward, please, _Carlisle thought, gesturing to one of the final pieces of the brace on the table. I handed it to him and he slid it into place. Seth winced again.

"Sorry, sorry," Bella whispered. I caressed her arm reassuringly.

_You should be._ Leah growled down by the river.

"Don't freak, Bella." Seth patted her knee. "I'll be back to normal in half an hour. Anyone would have done the same, what with Jake and Nessie-." _Oh, shoot._ Seth realized his error with the nickname. He tried to think of something positive to say. "I mean, at least you didn't bite me or anything. That would've sucked."

Bella moaned slightly, hiding her head in her hands, and I shook my head at him in exasperation.

He grimaced. _Sorry! I was trying to cheer her up._

"I'm a bad person," Bella mumbled into her hands.

"Of course you aren't. I should have…"

"Stop that," Bella snapped.

Seth shifted awkwardly. _Um, let's see…_ "Lucky thing Ness" – _dammit – _"Renesmee's not venomous. 'Cause she bites Jake all the time."

Bella's head popped up. "She does?"

Seth grinned. "Sure. Whenever he and Rose don't get dinner in her mouth fast enough. Rose thinks it's pretty hilarious." He caught my eye and I smiled back at him, nodding.

Several emotions passed through Bella's expression. I suspected she was trying to suppress a smile at this revelation.

Carlisle stood up. _All set._ "Well, Seth, I think that's as much as I can do," he said. "Try not to move for, oh, a few hours, I guess. I wish treating humans were this instantaneously gratifying." _He was healing even as I worked on him, _he thought. He was caught by a sudden memory of treating Jacob after the newborn attack, and he placed his hand on Seth's head, grateful his injuries had not been as extensive as Jacob's had been. "Stay still," he said affectionately, and then he headed upstairs. He was anxious to take notes in his journal of everything he had observed of Bella today.

Seth watched him go. "I can probably manage sitting still for a while," he mumbled, yawning. _Yah, I'll just rest my head for a minute. _He carefully laid his head back, closing his eyes._ These couches are so damn soft_, he thought, as his mind faded and blurred until he was breathing deeply, lost in sleep, looking very, very young.

Bella was watching Seth with troubled eyes. Without looking at me, she got up and moved towards the back window. I debated a moment and then followed, not wanting her to feel alone. I took her hand and watched as her eyes followed Leah's movements along the river bed. Leah glanced up, seeing Bella through the glass.

_If you ever touch my little brother again, _she fumed. She had wanted to come inside, but everyone, including Jacob, had thought she needed to stay out and calm down.

There was soft click behind us. Rose had gone back outside with a prepared bottle for Renesmee. She had had the good sense to wrap the bottle tightly in a dishcloth, and though Jasper and I both tensed, eyes on Bella, anticipating the smell of blood, thankfully none came.

"Give her to me," Rose said outside. "I'll feed her."

"Just give me the bottle, blondie" Jacob quietly growled.

"No, damn you," Rose snapped. "I got it ready, I'll feed her. I let you hold her all this time." _Consider yourself lucky._

"_Let_ me?" Jacob spat.

"Yes, let you. This is my house, and she is my niece, if you've forgotten, you damn vagrant."

"Listen, bloodsucker, I…"

I sighed, trying to shut out their voices. I wished they would keep it down – Bella didn't need to hear this. Her eyes stared straight out, her mind obviously far away.

_Edward, _Jasper thought. _She's getting tense._

I watched her carefully, wishing for the millionth time I could see what was going on in her head. For a moment, I felt a flash of jealously towards Jasper, that he could at least feel her emotions, whereas I was shut out completely. _Why is that?_ I wondered despondently.

Jasper met my eyes. _Still upset about the wolves? _His gaze was questioning. His eyes moved back to Bella, concerned, as her anxiety increased his own tension. _She shouldn't feel bad._

"What's the matter, Bella?" he said softly. He glanced back at me momentarily, and I nodded at him. Cool calm swept up in his mind, relaxing his own body before radiating out into the room. Bella's tight muscles eased slightly. "No one is angry with you, or even surprised, really."

_Speak for yourself, _Leah snarled.

"Well," Jasper continued, "I suppose we are surprised. Surprised that you were able to snap out of it so quickly." He smiled at her reassuringly. "You did well. Better than anyone expects of you."

Bella took a deep breath and then looked at him. "I was thinking of Charlie, actually."

"Ah," Jasper said. _To be expected, _he mused. Outside there was sudden silence, as Jacob took note of the conversation.

"We really have to leave, don't we?" Bella asked, her expression strained. "For a while, at the very least. Pretend we're in Atlanta, or something."

I stared at her intently. Many of the obstacles to our staying in Forks had been removed. The treaty was still intact. And our greatest fear – controlling Bella – seemed to have been for naught. Her control was incredible.

But secrecy remained our greatest foe. The rule of the wider world of our kind could not be upheld as long as Charlie remained such an immediate threat.

"Yes," said Jasper. He was pleased that Bella seemed to understand the necessity of removing ourselves from the area. "It's the only way to protect your father." _And our family._

Bella looked sad. "I'm going to miss him so much. I'll miss everyone here."

Jacob's mind was working outside, his stress level high, his eyes attached to my daughter, drinking peacefully in Rose's arms. _I can't be away from her,_ he thought with despair. I realized then, as he did, that no matter where we went, Jacob would follow. _Great, just great, _I thought irritably.

_My pack,_ Jacob thought, worried. _They'll have to go back to Sam. _But he knew in his heart that Leah would never agree to that. _There must be some way for the Cullens to stay in Forks._

Bella snorted suddenly, bringing me back to her. I looked at her questioningly, but she just shook her head. I heard movement outside, and checked on Nessie through Rose's eyes. She had finished the bottle, and Rose was looking at Jacob, tapping her watch. _Six o'clock._ Rose started towards the door but Jacob put an arm out in front, pausing her moved, stepping in front of her to enter the house first. Rose tightened her grip on Renesmee, following him inside. Both of their eyes moved directly to Bella.

_Has she got this, Edward? _Rose thought, worried.

Jasper, hearing their approach, moved directly to Bella's side. He looked at me. _Do you think it is too soon to try this again? Maybe we should ask the wolf the leave – he was the one who agitated her in the first place._

I considered. I'd love to throw Jacob out for the time being, and relieve us of his interference. _And stench. _ But I suspected Bella would protest - aggravated as she was with him, I knew she felt guilty about the attack.

Bella was watching Carlisle come down the stairs with the scale and measuring equipment in confusion.

"Must be six," I explained.

"So?"

"Time to measure Ness," – _oh, oops – _"er, Renesmee," Carlisle answered.

"Oh," Bella said, her brow furrowed. "You do this every day?"

"Four times a day," Carlisle said, gesturing Rose towards the couch. She approached apprehensively.

"Four times?" Bella said in confusion. "Every day? Why?"

"She's still growing quickly," I said quietly. I wrapped an arm around her, grateful once again for her presence. As much as I hated to burden her with these concerns, it was a relief to know that now it was something we could cope with together.

"What do we do?" Bella whispered, her terrified eyes sealed onto Renesmee.

_What can we do?_ My thoughts mirrored her horror. We were nothing short of helpless to control her growth. "I don't know."

"It's slowing," Jacob suddenly growled. _It has to slow down. It has to._

"We'll need several more days of measurements to track the trend, Jacob. I can't make any promises."

"Yesterday she grew two inches. Today it's less."

Carlisle blinked slightly in surprise. He hadn't realized Jacob had been paying such close attention to the measurement. _But of course he would_, he realized. "By a thirty-second of an inch, if my measurements are perfect."

"Be perfect, Doc," Jacob snapped.

_The god damned nerve, _thought Rosalie, glaring at him.

"You know I'll do my best," Carlisle sighed.

"Guess that's all I can ask," Jacob muttered.

_Edward,_ Jasper thought. I glanced at him and he inclined his head towards Bella. _He's pissing her off again._

I looked at Bella – her eyes were narrowed at Jacob, her mouth set in a firm line. She seemed to be put out, perhaps by his hovering, and questioning.

Carlisle picked up the smaller tape measure to use on Renesmee's head, but she had had enough. _Mommy, _she thought, her eyes fixed on Bella. _Mommy!_ She reached out a small hand and Rose bent forward to meet it. Rose's mind filled with the image of Bella, the view from her arms when she had held Nessie earlier. There was no doubting the demanding tone of Renesmee's thoughts. She was done with waiting.

"What does she want?" Jacob asked, anxious.

"Bella, of course," Rose said, sighing, glancing at me. _Is it okay?_ She looked with anxious eyes at Bella, concerned, but wanting to give Nessie what she wanted.

"How are you?" she asked Bella.

"Worried," Bella said, and I realized she meant about Renesmee, and what she had just witnessed of her growth. I pressed her to me with my arm.

_Yes, of course_, thought Rose. "We all are. But that's not what I meant."

Bella sighed. "I'm in control," she said.

_Her thirst seems firmly under wraps, _Jasper affirmed.

_I don't like it._ Jacob went to open his mouth to protest as his eyes swept up to mine. But he stopped, seeing my expression, from which he managed to comprehend, luckily for him, that interference now would lead to his expulsion from this house. _Ugh, fine_, he thought, biting his lip to keep from saying anything.

Rose took a small step towards Bella, her body and mind tense. _This is Bella,_ she reminded herself. _She'll be okay. We worked so hard for this – she worked so hard. She would never hurt Nessie._

But her anxious emotions, all of our anxious fears, betrayed us to Jasper. He was working to keep his mind calm, to keep the tension that filled the room from bleeding his focus on the situation, and on Bella. He let Nessie's radiating joy, and adoration, slip in a little, providing some relief, and a reminder what this was all for.

Bella reached her arms out for the baby. Carlisle stepped closer, his eyes fixed on the situation. Jasper and I opened our hands, ready, but while Bella was nervous, Jasper could clearly sense her solid control. Renesmee stretched out anxiously, and Rose took a step closer, gently allowing Bella to take Nessie from her arms.

Renesmee melted into Bella, a beautiful smile lighting her face. _Mommy._ Although her scent must have been intoxicatingly strong, there was no sense of increased thirst from Bella. I relaxed, nodding reassuringly at Rose and Jacob, although Jasper remained tense, stress in every line of his body.

Renesmee placed her fingers to Bella's cheek, her face growing more serious, questioning. Bella gasped as her mind filled with the memory of Jacob being stalked by her across the lawn. I watched with pleasure - Bella was amazing, her face a dazzling blaze of fury, her lovely body so lithe and powerful as she launched herself at him. Jacob's mouth hung open in shock, and I couldn't help laughing at his rather dumbfounded expression at her flight towards him.

_Seth, stop!_ Seth's body entered the picture, and I cringed, the smile falling from my face, as the snap of his bones rang through the air. Bella winced next to me.

Renesmee's vision took on an edge of satisfaction, and relief, as Bella's flight was clearly halted. There was a growl and a flash of Leah's fur. Then Jasper appeared, a resounding crack as he slammed into Bella, followed by a loud thump as she knocked him into the dirt behind her. Bella moaned, shaking her head and closing her eyes as my arms wrapped around her in Renesmee's mind and she struggled to pull free. Then we all fell out of the picture as Renesmee's thoughts focused solely on Jacob, safe, unhurt, and she smiled. _Jacob, _she thought, affection flavored with a sort of possession. _Mine._

"Oh, wonderful," Bella moaned, catching the tone of Renesmee's thoughts. "Perfect."

"It's just because he tastes better than the rest of us," I muttered.

"I told you she likes me, too," Jacob said, smiling but still tense, as he realized we were talking about him.

I watched more memories, of Rosalie brushing her hair, and Carlisle measuring, a bored tone to the thought. I smiled – I could tell Renesmee was excited, just brimming with things she wanted to share with her mother.

"It looks like she's going to give you a rundown of everything you missed," I whispered in Bella's ear.

Renesmee's next memory grew – she was lying in Rose's arms. Then, unexpectedly, a silver cup appeared in the image, and Nessie began to remember the scent, the taste of human blood…

_No! _I snatched the baby from Bella's grasp. Jasper moved immediately, grabbing her arms and bending them behind her back, responding to my movement and fear, and then the flash of thirst he felt from Bella. Carlisle pressed forward, his hands ready, Jacob and Rosalie watching in confused horror.

"What did I do?" Bella asked, her voice shocked but surprisingly calm.

I glanced at Jasper. _What set her off?_ he wondered, thinking of the flicker of thirst he had felt. He didn't sense it anymore – she was in control.

_Still in control? How is that possible? _I thought. How could she so acutely be reminded of the smell of human blood, and not have her instincts driven mad with thirst? How could she have maintained control?

"But she was remembering being thirsty," I said desperately. I looked back at Bella. "She was remembering the taste of human blood."

_My god!_ Rose's eyes were wide.

_Jesus._ Jasper gripped Bella's arms harder, alarmed. _That's a damn close call, Edward._

But as I looked at Bella, I realized, miraculously, that it wasn't. Her eyes were calm, no blaze of thirst in them, her body loose, muscles uncoiled. There had been no instinctive reaction other than the slight burn Jasper had sensed. _Unbelievable._

"Yes," Bella said, her voice slightly puzzled. "And?"

I watched her carefully for another second, scouring her expression, and reading her emotions in Jasper's mind, who was quickly succumbing to shock at her lack of thirst. _What the hell? _he grumbled.

I laughed. "And nothing at all, it seems. The overreaction was mine this time, Jazz, let her go."

Jasper released her quickly, his eyes wide. Bella immediately reached out for Renesmee, and I gave her back the baby, my gaze locked onto Jasper's increasingly distraught face.

_I don't understand,_ he thought, looking at Bella, questions and doubt suddenly spiraling through his mind. _How is she able to do it? How can a newborn be so controlled? Is it always possible? Are we all just weak to give into it? Am I weak? _His own mouth still stung with venom that had seeped in when he had sensed the quick burn of her thirst, and he swallowed it down with disgust. His mind flashed through the hundreds, thousands of temptations he had fought over the years, faceless humans, most with success, some not. He thought of his constant struggle against the scent of human blood, the power that the barely controllable thirst held over him.

Then his eyes met mine, and the memory cut through both of us. Bella, standing by my side, the foil gift in her hands. She watches me, her gaze full of adoration, and love, and such…such youth. In her eyes is an innocence that I myself will strip away mere days later. Innocence that will no longer be there when I see her again, many months later. Her finger slips, sliced by the thick paper, releasing a tempest of scent from a single drop, which sweeps with blinding speed through the minds and bodies in the room, swirling into a burning, dark wind around Jasper until it finally rips through him, engulfing his mind in black thirst.

Jasper closed his eyes, banishing the rest, before settling his gaze on me again. _I almost killed her, _he thought despairingly. _I almost killed her, and she forgave me. You all forgave me, for what was supposed to be natural, instinctive. _He shuddered, thinking of all the times he had disappointed Alice. _But was it really just simple weakness on my part? Was I always capable of more?_

I sighed. As painful as that memory was, I knew Jasper was taking was taking this too hard. What Bella was proving capable of was beyond anything that could be expected – truly beyond what was normal. I shook my head slightly, trying to think of something to say to relieve him, but he saw only the pity in my eyes, and turned away.

"I can't stand this," he snapped. "I can't bear this." _I need to get the hell out of here. _He moved swiftly across the room and out the door, running down the lawn and jumping the river, heading north. I felt a flash of concern, hoping Alice was paying attention and would see where he was heading – I wasn't sure it was a good idea for him to be alone filled with such self-doubt.

And then Alice's face filled his mind, her amber eyes always full of trust, and hope. _I need Alice, _he realized, abruptly changing course. I relaxed – he was heading towards the cottage.

_What the hell is that all about? _Rosalie wondered.

I kept watching out the window. Renesmee's mind was filled with concern, and she was showing Bella her memory of Jasper leaving. _Jasper?_ She wondered.

"He'll be back," I said, watching the replay of Jasper's rather dramatic departure in her memory. _And he always accuses me of being the drama king, _I thought, trying to suppress a smile. "He just needs a moment alone to readjust his perspective on life."

"Is he mad at me?" Bella whispered.

"No," I said, glancing back at her, surprised. "Why would he be?"

"What's the matter with him, then?"

I sighed. "He's upset with himself, not you, Bella," I said quietly. "He's worrying about…self-fulfilling prophecy, I suppose you could say."

"How so?" asked Carlisle.

I tried to frame the tumult in Jasper's mind, without betraying his more personal thoughts. "He's wondering if the newborn madness is really as difficult as we've always thought, or if, with the right focus and attitude, anyone could do as well as Bella. Even now - perhaps he only has such difficulty because he believes it's natural and unavoidable. Maybe if he expected more of himself, he would rise to those expectations." I paused, smiling at Bella, unable to suppress a feeling of pride. "You're making him question a lot of deep-rooted assumptions, Bella."

"But that's unfair," Carlisle murmured. _He shouldn't put that on himself. _"Everyone is different; everyone has their own challenges. Perhaps what Bella is doing goes beyond the natural. Maybe this is her gift, so to speak."

_Self-control as a gift?_ "That's an interesting theory, and quite plausible," I murmured. I looked at Bella with interest, thinking. It would be a rather intangible gift, hard to quantify. And our gifts often came from strengths present during our human lives – or at least that had been Carlisle's theory. Had Bella shown a penchant for self-control when I'd known her? She was definitely a very careful person, but when she knew what, or who, she wanted… I suppressed a smile, thinking of the many times in her small bed that she'd shown little self - control, and worked hard to thwart my own, with her warm hands and soft lips. I glanced towards the back windows, wondering when Alice was going to return.

"Have you ever seen an equivalent to self-control as a talent?" I asked, looking back at Carlisle. "Do you really think that's a gift, or just a product of all her preparation?"

"It's slightly similar to what Siobhan has always been able to do, though she wouldn't call it a gift," Carlisle answered. I frowned – Carlisle was aware I didn't fully agree with his theories about Siobhan's possible talents. _Keep an open mind, Edward, _he thought.

"Siobhan, your friend in that Irish coven?" Rosalie spoke up. "I wasn't aware that she did anything special. I thought it was Maggie who was talented in that bunch."

"Yes, Siobhan thinks the same. But she has this way of deciding her goals and then almost…willing them into reality. She considers it good planning, but I've always wondered if it was something more." Rose looked skeptical. "When she included Maggie, for instance. Liam was very territorial, but Siobhan want it to work out, and so it did."

"Well…" I started.

Carlisle cocked a head towards the furniture. _Let's sit, if we are going to have a discussion._ He glanced at Bella. _And give Bella a little time alone with Nessie._ I nodded, hating to leave her side but wanting to give her space. He and I moved over to the chairs, and Rose took a seat on the couch.

"Our gifts are an intensification of traits we held as humans," I said. "Or at least that is what you have always said, Carlisle. What would Siobhan's human characteristic have been?" I paused, thinking. "What you theorize about Siobhan suggests she has the power to affect the decisions or actions of others. Do any of us have that innate possibility, human or vampire?"

"What about what Jasper does, though," Rosalie said. "He affects how we feel and act."

"Jasper affects our physical body, not our mind," I countered. "In saying Siobhan can will things to be, do you feel she can extend her desires to guide future events?"

Carlisle shook his head. "I don't mean to say that she uses a mental power to control others, or a gift to manipulate the future. More that she is gifted with a six sense of what others will do, of what motivates or influences them, and she uses that information to help sway the outcome." He put a finger to his chin. "You could say the same about Chelsea's gift. She can affect our emotions, our attachment, to another person."

"What exactly is Chelsea's gift?" Rosalie asked. Carlisle launched into a discussion of the Volturi's known gifts, while I added some insight I had gained in the minds of those I had met.

My mind wandered back to Bella and Renesmee, catching Renesmee's memory of me singing my mother's lullaby, Bella's still form next to us. As I watched the varying images Nessie shared, it felt, fleetingly, that sharing the thoughts she put into Bella's mind was almost as if I was seeing into Bella's mind myself.

My eyes were drawn towards them. Bella was standing, her back to the window, gazing down at Renesmee's face. Renesmee's small hand caressed Bella's cheek as she shared the many moments Bella had missed while she slept. They were truly a vision. _My wife holding my daughter, _I thought, feeling suddenly inordinately happy, and somewhat unworthy. How had this miracle come to be?

Watching them together, finally, I realized that although I had always been captivated by Bella's brown eyes set in Renesmee's face, the resemblance went much further than that. Renesmee reflected Bella in the heart shape curve of her cheeks, pale skin tinted with a familiar blush. In the delicate shape of her rose colored lips. And the shape of her eyes…

With a catch of my breath, I realized, while their color had bloomed from her mother, the curve of her eyes were mine. And I was present in the straight lines of her nose. And the color of the curls that framed her face. And I grasped, suddenly, in a breathtaking, fundamental way, that she was truly _mine._

From the moment I had laid eyes on my daughter, or, actually, from the moment I had been blessed to hear her beautiful mind, I had known, irrevocably, that she was the child of my heart. But, perhaps, it was only now, as I acknowledged my face echoed in her own, that I finally comprehended that she was also the child of my flesh. That my body had been involved in her creation. There had been a time when I had thought this vessel that I lived in was only capable of destroying life, through death, or the eternal loss of a soul. To know that I had contributed to the organic process of life, that the essence of my body had been mixed with that of the one I loved to produce skin, and bones, and mind, was a staggering, new awareness.

I was compelled to stand up and embrace them both when Bella's face creased suddenly with worry, her eyes roving over Renesmee's face. I realized Renesmee was drifting off, her thoughts beginning to float in uneven patterns, until finally her eyes closed and she was asleep. Her hand fell, but Bella carefully picked it up, placing it gently against her cheek again. I smiled at the wonder in Bella's face as she watched the dreams of her daughter, the moving kaleidoscope of faces against a sea of soft colors.

"Hello, Edward." Rose's irritated voice broke into my thoughts. "Are you listening at all?"

"Hmm?" I turned back to her and Carlisle, my eyes catching the clock. Almost midnight. _Where are they?_

"I asked you if you thought Kate's gift was physical, or mental." Rosalie said. I looked at her slightly confused.

"That is," Carlisle said, "does her body actually produce an electric current, or is the sensation a mental one?"

I paused, thinking for a moment. "I've seen in her mind as she visualizes the current. She has control over it mentally. Much like Jane, to be truthful."

"Fascinating," murmured Carlisle. We spent some more time analyzing the respective gifts of our vampire friends and family. Eventually, I caught Alice's mental call.

_We're back, Edward. _ She was flying towards the house, brimming with excitement.

"Finally," I muttered. I turned my head, watching as Alice and Esme leapt from the far river bank, Emmett instead obnoxiously plowing straight through the river, dousing the back windows with water.

Esme shot him a look over her shoulder. _He's going to wash those windows himself!_

Jasper followed, his thoughts slightly embarrassed. _I'm fine, okay! _

They came through the door quickly and we stood up to meet them, forming a loose group around Bella. She glanced around cautiously, seeming to notice all the eyes on her.

Emmett was looking back and forth between Bella and me. _Someone's going to get lucky tonight_, he thought gleefully.

_Oh, I so hope she loves it. _Esme was smiling widely. She caught my eye. _We thought it would be nice for the two of you to enjoy it just yourselves tonight, alone. After everything you've both been through, you need a chance to just concentrate on each other. _Her eyes flickered to Alice, and she shook her head imperceptibly, her expression slightly exasperated._ Alice insists on being there when Bella first sees the cottage, but she has promised to come right back. The rest of us will stay here._ She looked back, meeting my eyes, and I smiled my gratitude at her.

_Look at her, _Rose thought, taking in Bella's blank face. _She had absolutely no idea what's going on. She really believed they went hunting!_

Alice danced up to Bella, her grin wide. _Twelve o'clock on the dot, as predicted – by me! _She held out her hand, presenting Bella with a key to the cottage, decorated with an enormous, over the top, pink bow. Bella opened her hand and Alice dropped the key into it.

"Happy Birthday," Alice squealed in delight.

Bella immediately rolled her eyes. "No one starts counting on the actual day of birth," she said. "Your first birthday is at the year mark, Alice."

_Oh, not this time!_ "We're not celebrating your vampire birthday. Yet. It's September thirteenth, Bella." Bella's slightly annoyed look quickly melted into one of horror. "Happy nineteenth birthday!"

Bella shook her head desperately. "No. No way!" she cried, pushing the key back into Alice's hand. I smiled. _Some things never change._ Bella glanced at me and her eyes narrowed. "No, this doesn't count. I stopped aging three days ago. I am eighteen forever."

Alice shrugged. "Whatever. We're celebrating anyway, so suck it up."

Bella sighed, her expression turning somewhat resigned, making Alice smile even wider. _There we go!_ "Are you ready to open your present?" she asked excitedly.

"Presents," I said, pulling out the key Esme had given me earlier. Bella looked at it, and I saw comprehension in her eyes that it was for her "after" car. She smiled weakly.

_Back off, Edward, this is my show!_ "Mine first," Alice insisted. She checked the future quickly. _Mine is closer, _I said in her mind, grinning. She stuck her tongue out at me.

"Mine is closer." I parroted my own words.

_Jerk, _Alice fumed. "But look at how she's dressed," she wailed. "It's been killing me all day. That is clearly the priority."

_I think she'll be getting undressed, not dressed_, Emmett thought, chuckling.

"I know – I'll play you for it. Rock, paper, scissors." Alice smiled sweetly. _See, I can be reasonable, brother._

_Yeah, good luck with that, man. _Jasper laughed.

"Why don't you just tell me who wins?" I muttered. Alice looked to the side, seeing me choose rock. She looked back, grinning. _Gee – I think I'll choose paper!_

"I do," she sang. "Excellent."

"It's probably better that I wait for morning, anyway." I was just needling Alice as it was - I was far more excited to get Bella out to the cottage. Plus, I was kidding myself thinking Bella would be excited about the Ferrari. She was still mourning that damn red truck. "I think it might be more fun if Jacob was awake for the big reveal, don't you agree? So that someone there is able to express the right level of enthusiasm?"

"Yay!" Alice crowed. "Bella, give Ness" – _oh _ - "Renesmee to Rosalie."

"Where does she usually sleep?" Bella asked.

"In Rose's arms," Alice answered. "Or Jacob's. Or Esme's. You get the picture. She has never been set down in her entire life. She's going to be the most spoiled half-vampire in existence."

I laughed. With Esme leading the helm in this family, there was never any doubt my daughter would be spoiled.

Rosalie had moved forward quickly, her arms aching to hold Nessie again. _Spoiled just like her father_, she thought, grinning at me. "She is also the most unspoiled half-vampire in existence," she said, turning to Bella and taking Nessie in her arms. "The beauty of being one of a kind."

Alice grabbed Bella's hand, pressing the key back into it, and then taking her arm and pulling her towards the back of the house. _Get a move on, Edward, _she thought.

"Let's go, let's go!" she called.

"Is it outside?" Bella asked, her face confused.

"Sort of," Alice said. _Don't give her any hints!_

"Enjoy your gift," Rosalie said. "It's from all of us. Esme especially."

Bella turned and frowned. "Aren't you coming, too?"

"We'll give you a chance to enjoy it alone," Rose said. _I'm not so much into voyeurism. _"You can tell us about it…later."

_That's right, I expect details!_ Emmett laughed loudly. Bella glanced at him, slightly chagrined, as if she had an idea what he was thinking. Then she smiled widely, as something seemed to occur to her. I wondered at the smile – she couldn't possibly have guessed the gift – but was happy to see it. Alice pulled her out the door, and I followed.

"There's the enthusiasm I'm looking for," Alice said, catching Bella's pleased expression. She let go of her arm and sprinted down towards the river. Bella jogged down after her.

I turned and raised my arm to my family, watching from the window. Renesmee's sleeping form was visible in Rose's arms.

_Don't worry, Edward, _Rose thought. _I'll take good care of her._

_Congratulations, son, _Carlisle thought. Esme waved, standing next to him. She reached out and put an arm around Jasper.

_Don't do anything I wouldn't do! _Emmett grinned. _Not that there is much._

"C'mon, Bella!" Alice called from the other side of the river. I turned and ran down the lawn, taking my jump across the river just as Bella leaped.

I ran behind Bella, feeling no need to lead – I knew she would be able to follow Alice's quiet footsteps and lingering steps. The path to the cottage was still well worn with the scent of my family, even though the visits had decreased dramatically since we arrived home. I was reminded of running this same path with Esme in late June, hearing the anxiety and excitement in her mind of her plans. _I know I'm being selfish, _she had said, _but I can't bear to have you far from us_. She had always hated when Rosalie and Emmett had lived too far away. _This will be perfect!_

Esme had always been intrigued by the small, crumbling structure that lay on our lands. In fact, all of the family had checked it out at one time or another. Emmett had been threatening for the last couple of years to fix it up and fill it with a huge, custom made pool table. He said that men needed a place to get away from the women – a sentiment that usually gained him a lot of glares and a smack from Rose. I was glad, now, that Carlisle and Esme hadn't agreed to his request.

Esme had drawn up the initial plans, and Jasper and Emmett had done most of the carpentry. I hadn't been allowed much of a hand in the renovations, since it was technically a gift, but I had been consulted on most of the major decisions. We had all imagined at the time the idea for refurbishment had been agreed upon that Bella would be living here with me as a human, at least for a little while. Now, although circumstances might force us to leave soon, I hoped we could spend some days enjoying the cottage, on our own. Privacy would be at a minimum in the house in New Hampshire, if we did end up there.

_Don't let her see it! _Alice thought suddenly, alarmed. _It will ruin the surprise._ I slowed slightly, not sure what she wanted me to do, when suddenly she turned and raced back towards us. I realized she planned to grab Bella and cover her eyes, and a vision flashed in her mind of Bella throwing her off.

I shook my head quickly at her. _Hmm, _Alice thought, slowing as she came up to where Bella had paused. "Don't attack me," she said to Bella. The vision shifted to Alice hanging off of Bella's back. Alice grinned and then leapt, putting a hand on Bella's shoulder and swinging herself around to cling on her back, pressing her hands quickly over Bella's eyes.

"What are you doing?" Bella said anxiously, squirming slightly. Regardless of what Alice saw, I thought she might still throw her off – any other newborn would. And I also thought Alice might just deserve it.

"Making sure you can't see," Alice said.

"I could take care of that without the theatrics," I said.

_Ha, ha._ "You might let her cheat," Alice said, turning to glare. "Take her hand and lead her forward."

"Alice," Bella protested. "I…"

"Don't bother, Bella. We're doing this my way." _You both know this is a losing battle!_

I sighed, reaching out and taking Bella's hand, interlocking our fingers. "Just a few seconds more, Bella," I said loudly. "Then she'll go annoy someone else." I began to pull her gently forward, making careful adjustments as we went so she didn't run into any trees or branches.

_So that's the thanks I get! _"You might be a little more appreciative," Alice said, her voice miffed. "This is as much for you as it is for her." _Do I need to show you my vision of tonight again? Because I've seen a few more!_

I didn't think I could take anymore of Alice's visions, without grabbing Bella and taking off with her into the cottage right now. "True," I ascented. "Thank you again, Alice."

"Yeah, yeah. Okay," Alice muttered. We came around a curve in the path and entered the clearing, the cottage rising up in front of us. I sighed, amazed and thankful for the beautiful work my family had done. The flowers had been lovingly tended, the honeysuckle curving higher up onto the house than the last time I had been here. The roses had opened as well – specifically chosen by Esme so that they would hopefully still be blooming when we returned from the island. I could see that Emmett and Jasper had laid the stone path we had discussed before the wedding, and that Carlisle had installed the front door he had carefully refurbished.

I caught Alice's eye, trying to rely my gratitude for such a gift. She smiled. _Because we love you both._ Then we turned our eyes to Bella, who was standing, her expression frozen. Alice's face wrinkled slightly, as she tried to discern Bella's reaction.

"What do you think?" she asked. Bella's mouth moved slightly, looking as if she meant to speak, but she said nothing. I could see that she was shocked, this gift completely unexpected.

"Esme thought we might like a place of our own for a while, but she didn't want us too far away," I said softly. "And she loves any excuse to renovate. This little place has been crumbling away out here for at least a hundred years."

Bella continued to stare silently at the house. _Oh no, _Alice thought. _It's not what she wanted. It's too small, too old. _

"Don't you like it?" she asked anxiously. "I mean, I'm sure we could fix it up differently, if you want. Emmett was all for adding a few thousand square feet, a second story, columns and a tower, but Esme thought you would like it best the way it was meant to look." _I saw a vision of you smiling! Maybe I misinterpreted. _"If she was wrong, we can get back to work. It won't take long…"

"Shh!" Bella said quickly. Alice shut her mouth, containing a flood of words. The silence stretched as Alice panicked, but I was certain that the light in Bella's eyes was one of wonder, and admiration.

"You're giving me a house for my birthday?" Bella said, her voice just a whisper.

"Us," I said. "And it's no more than a cottage. I think the word _house_ implies more legroom."

"No knocking my house," Bella said softly.

_Yes! _Alice sagged with relief, a smile forming quickly on her face. "You like it."

Bella shook her head, and I smiled.

"Love it?" Alice ventured. Bella nodded, and Alice clapped her hands, bouncing up on her toes. "I can't wait to tell Esme."

"Why didn't she come?" Bella asked.

_Uhh… _"Oh, you know…they all remember how you are about presents. They didn't want to put you under too much pressure to like it."

Bella looked surprised. "But of course I love it! How could I not?"

"They'll like that," Alice said, touching Bella's arm. _Well, time for me to make my exit. I was ordered to return and leave you two alone – they're probably sending out a search party now._ "Anyhoo, your closet is stocked. Use it wisely. And…I guess that's everything."

"Aren't you going to come inside?" Bella asked, looking confused.

_Feel free to help me out here, Edward! _But I rather liked watching her squirm. Alice backed up slowly towards the woods. "Edward knows his way around. I'll stop by…later. Call me if you can't match your clothes right." She glanced at me. _Closet first! Before you get distracted. It's top priority_. She looked at Bella for a moment, taking in the too big white shirt over the tattered, dirty dress, and then back at me, her expression doubtful._ Are you sure you don't want me to stay and help, just for a little while?_

I narrowed my eyes and she shrugged. _Fine, your loss._

"Jazz wants to hunt," Alice said to Bella, avoiding her eyes, her voice unconvincing. _Ah, awkward. "_See you." She turned and took off into the trees.

_Real smooth, Alice_, I thought.

Bella watched her go, frowning. "That was weird," she said. "Am I really that bad? They didn't have to stay away. Now I feel guilty. I didn't even thank her right. We should go back, tell Esme – "

"Bella," I laughed. "Don't be silly. No one thinks you're that unreasonable."

Her forehead wrinkled. "Then what…"

"Alone time is their other gift. Alice was trying to be subtle about it." _Trying_ being the key word.

Surprise flickered across her face. "Oh," she murmured, her stare seeming to become hotter, more intense. I wasn't sure what she was thinking, but the look in her eyes made me want to clutch her to me, now. _Don't be selfish._ She hadn't even seen the inside of the house yet. And I wanted to do this properly, if she would let me.

I reached out and gently took her hand. "Let me show you what they've done," I said, tugging her gently towards the house. This was surreal – all the planning, and work, and we were actually here, as if in a far off dream.

Bella suddenly let out a single, unsteady laugh. I glanced back. "Do I get to hear the joke?"

"It's not very good," she replied. "I was just thinking – today is the first and last day of forever. It's kind of hard to wrap my head around it. Even with all this extra room for wrapping."

I laughed, understanding both the exhilaration, and frustration, of a mind capable of many separate thoughts at once. Like the concept of immortality, this was an aspect that took a while to embrace, most newborns initially too consumed by bloodlust to appreciate. And as the lust waned, there was still a lengthy adjustment period. I had forgotten the overwhelming sensation of the patterns of my thoughts during my early existence, coupled with my forcible senses and strength, and joined by the bewildering concept of eternal life. And, specific only to me, the onslaught of the thoughts from other minds.

And yet Bella was not only casually acknowledging these massive changes, she was doing it with laughter. Loving her always, I gestured towards the door. She placed the key in the lock, turning it easily. I could smell the fresh oil in the locking mechanism – my family had thought of everything.

"You're such a natural at this, Bella; I forget how very strange this all must be for you." What must be going through her thoughts? "I wish I could hear it."

Then, afraid suddenly she would refuse if I asked, I swept down and lifted her quickly into my arms, hoping I wouldn't spook her.

"Hey," she protested, but didn't push me away.

"Thresholds are part of my job description," I said, smiling, still wishing I could peer into her mind. "But I'm curious. Tell me what you're thinking about right now."

Cradling her to my chest, I pushed open the door with my shoulder and stepped inside the living room.

I watched Bella's eyes roam the room, full of astonishment. "Everything," she said. "All at the same time, you know. Good things and things to worry about and things that are new. How I keep using too many superlatives in my head." She smiled. "Right now, I'm thinking that Esme is an artist. It's so perfect!"

I glanced around, not having seen the inside since it was furnished, noticing the furniture Esme and Carlisle had purchased during endless hours searching antique stores. A selection of Bella's favorite paintings from the house, which Esme and I had decided on together. Rosalie had even donated one of her own, knowing Bella enjoyed it. There were books Carlisle had gathered from his own shelves, Bella's favorites plus others he thought we would enjoy. In the purple darkness, Emmett's fire flickered softly.

It had all once seemed so untouchable, and now we would be living here. My _family _would be living here.

"We're lucky Esme thought to add an extra room," I said. "No one was planning for Ness-" _uh _"-Renesmee."

Bella's eyes narrowed. "Not you, too," she moaned.

I grimaced. "Sorry, love. I hear it in their thoughts all the time, you know. It's rubbing off on me."

Bella sighed, her face a mixture of exasperation and resignation. Hoping to distract her, I took another step into the house.

"I'm sure you're dying to see the closet," I joked. "Or, at least I'll tell Alice that you were, to make her feel good."

As I walked through the small house with her in my arms, I was utterly distracted by the feel of her, by her scent, her voice, her hair that gently touched my face. I could feel something twining within me – anticipation, need, but also nervousness. I recalled similar emotions when we had arrived at Isle Esme, the first night of our honeymoon, wrapped up in the fear of hurting her, and the expectation of the unknown. I could no longer hurt her, but I still, in some ways, felt vastly inexperienced. Most of our love-making, for me, had been ruled by precision and control. I never allowed myself to forget the marks I had left on her body the first time we had been together, determined to never forget what my hands had done, and could do. Even caged by restraints, my body had still proved more than capable of experiencing the intense pleasure she brought me. Still, I worried if I would know how to let go of that control now, to give her the response she needed.

_You didn't have any trouble when you kissed her earlier,_ I thought wryly. I watched Bella's face as we moved out of Renesmee's room, trying to decipher where her thoughts were. Did she feel the tension between us? Did she want what I so desperately did? Was she nervous, or excited, or just diverted by the cottage? I realized suddenly how much I had relied on her human reactions to gauge her moods, and needs. The flush of her skin, the intensification of her scent, her pounding heart - the small, learned signs of mounting passion. I felt slightly lost now, her body silent as I tried to determine the intensity of her eyes.

Finally, we entered the sanctuary Esme had created, a cool, soothing shrine to the moments we had spent on the Island. It was breathtakingly perfect, much more powerful in reality to what I had seen in her thoughts.

"Oh," Bella breathed, taking it all in.

"I know," I whispered, the atmosphere thick with memory. I glanced around, seeing the entrance to Alice's shrine on the far wall.

"The closet is through those double doors. I should warn you – it's bigger than this room."

"We're going to tell Alice that I ran right to the clothes," she said softly, her hand moving into my hair, gripping as she turned my face towards her and pulled close. Her passion was laid bare to me now, finally, in her breathless voice, her glowing eyes, and in the lines of her heated expression, and I felt a rush of excitement. "We're going to tell her I spent hours in there playing dress-up. We're going to _lie_."

Bella suddenly twisted her fingers my hair, almost too hard, and sensation exploded within me, as I grazed, for the first time, the exquisite border of pleasure and pain. I clutched her head with one hand, crushing her to me, moaning slightly as her mouth urgently met mine. When we had kissed earlier, she had tasted of melted, sweet honey, but now she was all fire and heat, scorching my tongue. She twisted out of my grasp, her feet touching the floor so that she was standing in front of me. Then she pulled back, her hands gripping my shirt that she still wore, and pulled, the buttons melting away as she wrenched it off. Her eyes seared into mine, hot and challenging.

Smiling, I reached out, twisting my finger into the top of her dress, and pulled her forward abruptly. She gasped softly, and I kissed her again, hard, stone melting into stone. Then, I pulled my finger slowly down the front of the tattered remains of her dress, dragging against her body, her skin molten under mine as her head fell back slightly. The material split easily, like slicing through dark waters. I lifted my hands to her shoulders, pushing the dress back, and heard it flutter to the floor. With a flick of my wrist I removed what remained on her body.

"Edward," Bella whispered, her lips meeting mine once more. With the swift movements of her insistent hands on my clothes, soon there was nothing between us. Her fingers roamed against my bare back feverishly, the sensation unparalleled. When she had been human, Bella's hands had been the gentle caress of soft feathers, ethereal, both torturous and tantalizing. Now, they gripped at my skin, warm and strong, unrelenting, sending my body spiraling into a new, overpowering abandon.

So much of this we'd never been able to experience before, only small glimpses, just dancing on the edges of the real thing. To be able to touch and feel her without fear – it was extraordinary, familiar and yet racing with a new, consuming intensity that had been bound for too long within me. And I knew now there was no doubt I could let go.

Bella pulled back and raised her head, her eyes reflecting our shared fervor. My arms were wrapped around her back, and I slid one hand slowly down, flowing over the landscape of her body before swiftly bending and gathering her back into my arms. I cradled her for a second before falling to my knees and lowering her to the floor. She tried to pull me frantically onto her body, her strength overwhelming, and I acquiesced until I was just hovering over her. Then I pulled back against her clutching hands, pausing, savoring.

Our bodies were stretched against each others, barely touching, but bound securely by brilliant, burning love, and want, and need, and devotion. At a million points between us there was the intangible electric spark that had always been there, the connection that had once seemed against nature, that had survived heartache and loss, joy and danger, and, in the end, had transcended even humanity itself. _We belong together. Forever. _

Then, I lowered myself down, and knew only her.

* * *

_Yes, a fade to black – had to be done! (see a/n before story) I hope people are not disappointed, but enjoyed the extra details and EPOV :)_

_I sound a bit like a broken record, but I think 2 more chapters to get to the end (the end of the next day) – I think there is too much left to fit into one. Have been considering writing a sort of extended epilogue of the final confrontation with the Volturi – thoughts?_

_Thanks for your reviews!_


	27. Paternity

_I apologize for the long delay in getting this chapter out – perhaps I am dragging my feet because I know we're so near the end? If it is any consolation, it is by far my longest chapter! I never expected the "Charlie" chapter to be so long, but there really was a lot to think about, and interpret._

_This chapter follows BD pretty closely. The next chapter, the last regular chapter, will go beyond what SM covered that day (she ends after the arm wrestling), and I have a few additional scenes planned that I am excited about! It will probably be epic length again :)_

_Your reviews mean so, so much to me! As ever, I'm so sorry when I don't reply. I'm always trying to catch up writing the chapters!  
_

_Tremendous thanks to noamg and lada_8 for taking the time to share their excellent comments and suggestions, as well as make loads of corrections!_

_Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight._

From underneath the trees,

We watch the sky,

Confusing stars for satellites

.

I never dreamed

That you'd be mine,

But here we are

We're here tonight

.

Singing Amen I, I'm alive, I'm alive

Singing Amen I, I'm alive

"_If Everyone Cared"_ – _Nickelback_

_

* * *

_

We moved together, shifting slowly, until Bella was above me, an angel hovering in the heavens over the fallen. The faintest light was moving into the sky, filtering through the glass doors to reflect off the white-blue sky of the walls, giving her skin the slightest diamond sheen. Her movements were slower, relieved of the frenzy after many hours, but all the more potent in their aching depth and power. I reached out and touched one luminescent cheek, and she placed her hand over mine, keeping it against her skin. Her grip tightened and tightened until a consuming release came, soft eyes gradually opening to reveal brilliant pyres of love. Her body relaxed to lie against mine in a perfect silence broken only by the gentle, lilting tune of a songbird outside.

"Do you miss it?" she asked quietly.

"Miss what?" I spoke with my lips pressed to her neck.

"All of it – the warmth, the soft skin, that tasty smell…I'm not losing anything at all, and I just wondered if it was a little bit sad for you that you were."

I laughed gently, wondering how she could think that anything about her lovely, splendid body, that anything in this moment, could possibly make me sad. "It would be hard to find someone _less _sad than I am now. Impossible, I'd venture. Not many people get every single thing they want, plus all the things they didn't think to ask for, in the same day."

"Are you avoiding the question?" she murmured. I could hear the doubt in her voice, and sighed. Holding her close with my hands around her back, I moved so that we lay on our sides, face to face.

I remembered my thoughts on this, while Bella had lain sleeping, still changing. I had felt a simple melancholy at the loss of the unique human in the girl I loved, taking solace that it would be preserved in the face of our daughter. But what I realized now was that her humanity was not lost at all, for her human face and body, her scent, feel and voice, were forever enshrined in my mind. When I closed my eyes I could see the face that changed my existence, the features of the girl I fell in love with – her human presence was indelibly imprinted on my consciousness, for eternity. Bella's memories of her mortal image would fade quickly for her, but not for me – I would carry them always.

And yet, although I cherished her humanity, what I also now understood was that I did not miss her human frailties, and the boundaries they created between us. I had once wished I could be human, so I could be with her without fear of hurting, or even killing her, and I would have became so in an instance, if it had been in the range of possibility. But now she was like me, and with every exquisite movement, with each shared moment of abandon, I was intoxicated by the exhilarating freedom of being physical equals. She was everything, in every way.

I moved my hand around so it pressed against her cheek, no longer heated, fragile silk, but a temperate, lustrous canvas.

"You are warm," I whispered. I slid my fingers along her jaw, trailing down her neck and savoring each part of the skin along her chest and waist. She let out a throaty breath, her eyes unfocusing slightly. "You _are_ soft."

I inhaled her aroma of sweet flowers, no burn coating my throat. "And as for the scent, well, I couldn't say I _missed_ that. Do you remember the scent of those hikers on our hunt?"

Bella grimaced. "I've been trying very hard not to."

"Imagine kissing that."

Bella's eyes tensed slightly, and her hand slid up to her throat. "Oh."

"Precisely." I wrapped both arms around her again and pressed her tightly to me. "So the answer is no. I am purely full of joy, because I am missing _nothing._ No one has more than I do now."

I dragged a hand up her back, fisting her hair and crushing her mouth to mine, rising so that now I was above her, the dark angel this time, looking down on the innocent below.

As we stilled later in the increasing morning light, I knew we were approaching the time Renesmee would wake, if she hadn't already. She would be looking for us, for Bella. My senses screamed in protest at the thought of letting Bella go, and she seemed equally consumed with me, but it wasn't fair of me to take advantage of her overwhelming desires, even if they matched mine. I thought about one of the conversations we had during the night, about balance. Right now, I needed to be the responsible one, to help remind Bella of her priorities, when her own mind, and body, prevented it.

And I knew what Bella's top priority would be this morning, even if it felt her body was telling me something different.

"Renesmee," I said quietly to her, a gentle reminder, stroking her neck with my thumb. She sighed, shifting her body away slightly, her loss an immediate blow to my system. Then her expression darkened, her brow furrowed with worry, and I felt her muscles stiffen. Distracted from me now, the lost hours with Renesmee were clearly totaling in her mind.

"It's all right, love," I said gently. "Get dressed, and we'll be back to the house in two seconds."

Bella nodded, and then rose swiftly, heading towards the closet before pausing and swinging her head back to look at me. I looked at her questioningly as she glanced away towards the wall, in the direction of the house and Renesmee, before looking back at me. As she repeated this movement several times, I realized she was betraying her newborn status, her competing desires wreaking havoc in her newborn brain.

I smiled, beyond pleased that being with me presented such a tantalizing option for her.

"It's all about balance, love," I reminded her. And as she had already shown the ability to balance her newborn thirst, I was sure she would learn to control these other desires. "You're so good at all of this, I don't imagine it will take too long to put everything in perspective."

"And we have all night, right?" she asked, a flash of want in her expression.

_Great minds think alike. _"Do you think I could bear to let you get dressed now if that weren't the case?" I said, grinning, my eyes roving her naked form. She nodded seriously. Then her expression darkened again, worry creasing her face and she whipped over to the closet, throwing open the doors and exposing row upon row of clothing, handpicked by Alice. I remembered having to endure two months of constant wheedling by Alice about the size of the original closet before Esme, with rare exasperation, had relented on the expanded closet. _Do what you want, _she had muttered. _I just don't want to know!_

Bella let out a fairly menacing hiss at the sight, her eyes moving restlessly around. "Which ones are mine?" she growled.

I sighed, remembering Alice's plans. I touched a bar of clothing to the left of the door, which I knew contained several Brioni suits and tuxedos, as well as my standard khakis, white shirts and sweaters. Alice had, over the years, slowly come to accept what I would and wouldn't wear. I worried how long it would take for her to get to that point with Bella. Judging from the assortment of cocktail dresses and evening gowns hanging on the racks, I guessed it would be a while before she gave up on Bella.

"To the best of my knowledge, everything but this rack here is yours," I said.

"All of this?" Bella snapped. I shrugged. This _was_ Alice we were talking about, and even worse - Alice given free rein.

"Alice," I said, resigned.

"Alice," Bella spit out at the same time. When I didn't offer any other explanation, she rolled her eyes. "Fine," she muttered, grabbing the nearest garment bag, unzipping it, and exposing a light pink evening gown. Bella growled in horror.

I smothered laughter, thinking it would just infuriate her further. "Let me help," I said soothingly, touching her arm. My Bella would want jeans and a t-shirt, and I was fairly certain Alice had bought a few. I inhaled deeply, bringing a mixture of scents down my throat, Bella's floral nectar mixed with the sharp tang of cedar, and a kaleidoscope of different materials, smothered in plastic. I moved further inside the room, inhaling again, discerning each individual scent, and separating them in my mind, as I judged distance and direction. I easily discarded anything synthetic, and then weeded out the light, refined scents of silk and satin. I concentrated on the inky, heavy fragrance of denim, which seemed to be located in the back, laden with the smell of wood rather than plastic.

I moved away from the rows of garment bags and towards a cedar lined bureau at the back. I pulled open a drawer and smiled, pulling out a pair of jeans.

Bella was instantly at my side. "How did you do that?" she asked, her eyes wide.

"Denim has its own scent just like anything else," I said, kissing her cheek. "Now… stretch cotton?" I walked back into the closet, searching for the clean, organic smell of cotton, finding a plain white shirt buried in the racks. _Almost as if Alice was trying to hide it._

As Bella got dressed, I moved over to my small section, unzipping a bag to uncover a matched outfit of pants and sweater. It was hard to admit that rather than feeling insulted by being spoon-fed my outfits by Alice, I had grown rather used to the ease of it.

I pulled the outfit on, turning to find Bella distracted again, sniffing at the clothes, clearly memorizing the scents. I gave her a moment and then took her hand. She glanced up, thoughts clearly swinging swiftly back to Renesmee, and I let her pull me out the back door. We jumped the stone wall and were running full out immediately. She pulled away, flying forward as she glanced back at me with a glint in her eyes.

"Race?" she questioned. I grinned, taking on her challenge. She might as well learn, sooner rather than later, what the rest of my family already knew – I was not to be beaten for speed.

After several seconds, during which time I pulled ahead of Bella, keeping in front but close enough to retreat back to her quickly if needed, my family's thoughts filtered into my mind. Alice had already told them we were coming back.

_About time!_ Alice thought. _I hope she's dressed properly – I'm counting on you._

I could see that Renesmee was awake already. Gathering from what I saw in my family's minds, it seemed there had been several moments of panic when Renesmee awoke, wailing when Bella was not produced immediately. Several various toys and household items had been destroyed, and Jasper and Emmett's improv attempts at comedy had been soundly rejected, before Esme, in desperation and knowing Nessie liked shiny objects, had garnered her attention with an antique silverware set.

_She's demanding to see Bella, _Rose thought, hearing our approach. She and Emmett were sitting on the floor next to the baby. Nessie's mind was a jumble of images of Bella and me. She was also thirsty. She twisted a silver knife into a ball before reaching up to touch Emmett's throat, showing him a picture of Bella.

Emmett snorted. "I told you, kid, Mommy's…well…been kind of busy." _Right, lover-boy?_

Sighing, I took the river in a leap, slowing as I approached the house so Bella and I could enter together. As we came into view up the lawn, Nessie latched onto the sight of Bella, tossing aside a mangled piece of silverware and pointing demandingly towards her with a small finger. _Mommy! Mommy!_

Everyone turned, smiling and laughing, to watch as Bella, whose excitement clearly mirrored her daughter's, flew into the room and scooped her up. Bella hugged her tightly, and then looked her over, touching her growing curls and smoothing her hands over Renesmee's lengthening limbs. At a glance, I could tell her growth was continuing to slow. _Jacob will be pleased_, I thought, looking around but not seeing him.

Alice whipped her head towards me, her eyes narrowed. _Jeans and a t-shirt! She wasn't supposed to find those! That was the best you could do?_

Esme was glowing up at me. _Alice said she loved the cottage,_ she thought, a pleased smile on her face. I nodded, smiling back.

Emmett winked at me. _So, how did it go?_ _Glad to see she left you in one piece – I was a little worried._

Renesmee touched Bella's face, her mind filled with the image and scent of a bottle of blood, flickering in with pictures of Bella. She wanted her mother to feed her. I frowned, certain that was probably not a good idea, not yet. I headed into the kitchen to prepare a bottle before she grew too insistent.

"How long has she been up?" I heard Bella ask.

"Just a few minutes," said Rose. "We would have called you soon. She's been asking for you – _demanding_ might be a better description. Esme sacrificed her second-best silver service to keep the little monster entertained." _My little angel, _Rose thought, in direct competition with her words. Then she looked up at Bella, smirking. "We didn't want to…er, bother you."

Emmett laughed. _Yeah, and hopefully we would have been interrupting something!_

"We'll get your room set up right away," Bella said to Renesmee, clearly trying to ignore him. "You'll like the cottage. It's magic." She turned to my mother. "Thank you, Esme. So much. It's absolutely perfect."

_The cottage made it through the night?_ Emmett burst out laughing. _Only you, Edward, could go at it all night inside that little wooden box and leave it in one piece! _"So it's still standing?" he choked out. "I would've thought you two had knocked it to rubble by now. What were you doing last night? Discussing the national debt?"

I could hear Bella grinding her teeth as I twisted the top securely on Renesmee's cup, my throat stinging slightly from the scent. I was rather hoping Bella would snap and give Emmett what he deserved.

"Where are the wolves today?" she asked instead.

"Jacob took off this morning pretty early," Rose said. "Seth followed him out." I froze, slightly shocked. _Jacob had left?_ I searched the surrounding area as far out as I could go, but could not sense him. After refusing to leave Renesmee's side for a moment, except for the necessity of confronting Sam, I could not believe he had voluntarily left. It felt off, leaving an uncertain weight in my stomach. I scanned Rose's mind, seeing a vision of her memory - Jacob's strained and worried eyes as he left silently, phasing at the edge of the yard and moving away.

Smoothing my expression to hide my concern, I went back into the room. "What was he so upset about?" I asked casually. I stayed back from Bella, but saw her shoulders stiffen, her eyes on the cup. She stopped breathing, and Jasper took a step towards her, his face serious but calm. _She's okay. _ Bella handed Nessie quickly to Rose.

"I don't know – or care," Rose muttered, grabbing the cup from me and angling it towards Nessie, who wrapped her hands around it and started taking long pulls. "He was watching Nessie sleep, his mouth hanging open like the moron he is, and then he just jumped to his feet without any kind of trigger – that I noticed, anyway – and stormed out." _And good riddance._

I frowned at her – that didn't seem likely. There had to be something that precipitated his leaving. Could he have heard something dangerous approaching? I glanced out the front window. Was Sam's pack rethinking our agreement? But then why wouldn't Jacob tell my family if he was concerned?

Rose adjusted Nessie in her arms, tipping the cup back further as it quickly emptied. "_I_ was glad to be rid of him. The more time he spends here, the less chance there is that we'll ever get the smell out."

"Rose," said Esme disapprovingly.

"I suppose it doesn't matter. We won't be here much longer," Rose said. _And then we'll be rid of him permanently._

"I still say we should go straight to New Hampshire and get things set up," said Emmett. I glanced at him, and realized this was the discussion he and Rose had been having earlier, when Jacob left. I sighed – didn't they have any idea what our leaving would mean for Jacob? This had been, I imagined, what had upset him, although I was surprised he would respond by leaving the house. Perhaps he was making arrangements to follow us if we left, as I suspected he would. Rose and Em should have been more discreet with the conversation…

_Edward's going to kill you._ I caught Seth's thought, just coming into my range. He was running full out towards the house in wolf form, flanking Jacob along with Leah.

_I think maybe you deserve it this time, _Leah thought with disgust. _You're such a freakin' idiot sometimes. Billy is going to be furious._

_I had to do something, _Jacob thought. _I had to explain to Charlie. He needed to know. It was the right thing to do._

I stiffened, motionless with shock. Jacob had been to see Charlie? _What the hell?_

_I'm glad I told him, _Jacob continued, his mind tense and wired. _He'll come now, and once he understands, it will all be out in the open and they won't have to leave. She won't have to leave._ An image flickered in his mind of Charlie's stricken face, followed by a view through the trees of Charlie getting into his car and driving away from town. Coming here.

A furious growl burst out of me. That little rat had gone to Charlie, betrayed us all by telling him God knows what, and lured him here, putting his life, all of our lives, in jeopardy!

"What is he doing?" Alice suddenly shrieked. She had been perusing visions of the afternoon - her and Jasper hunting as well as a great deal of time with Bella in the new closet. Everything had just disappeared. "What is that _dog_ doing that has erased my schedule for the entire day? I can't see _anything_!" She struggled again, searching for the image of her dressing up Bella in the closet, but it was completely gone. "No!" she cried, turning to Bella. "Look at you! You _need_ me to show you how to use your closet."

_What's going on, Edward?_ Carlisle thought in alarm. _Has Jacob done something?_

"He talked to Charlie," I growled. "He thinks Charlie is following after him. Coming here. Today."

There was a collective gasp. "Shit!" Alice squealed. _Her eyes!_ She turned, flying out the door. _Contacts!_

Jasper watched her go with worried eyes, and then whipped towards me. _God dammit! What the hell, Edward?_

"He told Charlie?" Bella cried. "But - doesn't he understand? How could he do that? No!"

Carlisle took a step towards me. _Should we prepare to leave? _I considered, but shook my head slightly. Jacob would be here in a moment, and we might as well wait until he arrived to assess. Frankly, I'd like the pleasure of killing him first before we made any other arrangements.

The wolves were pausing at the edge of the woods to phase and dress. _Edward's gonna know what you did, _Seth thought. _They'll be waiting._

_Edward will see that I'm right, once I explain._ I hissed softly, and Jacob cocked his head towards the house.

If _they let you explain, _Leah snarled. There were sounds of phasing and then three sets of footsteps across the lawn.

_Where is that future pile of ground chuck? _Rosalie thought, furious, clutching Nessie.

"Jacob's on his way in now," I growled.

Jacob came through the door, wet and reeking more than usual. His eyes were alert, adrenaline coursing through him. He had a smile of mock confidence on his face that didn't match demeanor, his anxiety betrayed in tense movements. His eyes went immediately to Renesmee, relief and love flooding through him at the sight of her, before glancing around to meet our eyes.

"Hi, guys," he said, grinning cheerfully. At his words the room spun red for an instant, and I fought the natural urge to lunge at him, his casual cheerfulness infuriating me even further. My family was silent, regarding him. Rose flicked her eyes towards me.

_Now can we finally kill him?_

Jacob regarded my dark eyes. _Chill out, Edward. It's better this way, you'll see._

I didn't move, didn't acknowledge him, staying still as I struggled to control my reaction.

"Rose," Bella said suddenly, her voice low and determined. She reached out for the baby, and Rose gave her over. I was surprised Bella wanted to hold her in such a charged environment, but she must have had a reason.

"Charlie'll be here soon," Jacob said, moving his gaze to Bella. "Just a heads-up. I assume Alice is getting you sunglasses or something?"

Bella sucked in a furious breath. "You assume way too much," she spit out between gritted teeth. "What. Have. You. _Done?_"

Jacob faltered slightly at the intensity of her wrath. "Blondie and Emmett woke me up this morning going on and on about you all moving cross-country. Like I could let you leave. Charlie was the biggest issue there, right? Well, problem solved." He grinned, looking pleased.

_Man, he is a piece of work, _Emmett thought.

"Do you even_ realize _what you've done?" Bella snarled. "The danger you've put him in?"

Jacob laughed. "I didn't put him in danger. Except from you. But you've got some kind of supernatural self-control, right? Not as good as mind reading, if you ask me." His eyes flicked towards mine momentarily. _Right, bloodsucker?_ He looked back at Bella. "Much less exciting."

My control broke then, and I moved across the room swiftly until I was standing right in his face, his scent thick and dank in my nose. How dare he treat this so lightly? What the hell did he know about newborns, or self control? He had no God damned idea what the temptation of human blood would be like for Bella. He would risk her killing her own father just to keep what he wanted close?

"That's just a _theory, _mongrel," I growled. "You think we should test it out on _Charlie?_ Did you consider the physical pain you're putting Bella through, even if she can resist? Or the emotional pain if she doesn't?" For months he did everything in his power to take her. And now – did he give a damn about her at all? "I supposed what happens to Bella no longer concerns you!" _You worthless piece of garbage!_

Jacob's expression tightened. _Physical pain?_ "Bella will be in pain?" asked the thankless mutt in obvious disbelief.

"Like you've shoved a white-hot branding iron down her throat!" I yelled. My wife had been through more pain in the last couple of weeks than she deserved in her entire existence. That he would put her in this position made my head reel with fury.

_Damn._ "I didn't know that," he said softly.

"Then perhaps you should have asked me," I snarled. I thought we had formed some sort of trust, a relationship. He couldn't be man enough to come to me first before making decisions that affected _my_ family?

_I couldn't, _he thought desperately. "You would have stopped me."

Of course I would have – he was being impetuous, selfish and shortsighted. "You _should_ have been stopped-"

"This isn't about me," Bella interjected. I stepped slightly away from Jacob, and we both turned to look at her. Her eyes were wild, but her body was still. Jasper was close behind her, sensing her control battling with despair, ready to intercede emotionally. "This is about Charlie, Jacob. How could you put him in danger this way? Do you realize its death or vampire life for him now, too?" Bella's voice was unsteady, catching in her throat. I reached out and stroked her arm, furious Jacob had done this to her.

Incredibly, Jacob relaxed next to me. "Relax, Bella. I didn't tell him anything you weren't planning to tell him."

"But he's coming here!" Bella gasped.

"Yeah, that's the idea. Wasn't the whole 'let him make the wrong assumptions' thing your plan? I think I provided a very nice red herring, if I do say so myself." _Genius, really. _I stared at him, slightly confused, trying to decipher his thoughts.

Bella's body flinched with annoyance. "Say it straight, Jacob. I don't have the patience for this."

"I didn't tell him anything about you, Bella. Not really. I told him about _me._ Well, _show _is a better verb." He looked at me. _If you'd just let me explain, before you rip my head off._

I watched the memory unfurl in his mind._ "I don't appreciate you being so secretive," Charlie said. He and Jacob were walking down the path in the woods behind the Swan home. "I have to be at the house, in case Carlisle calls. And Renee is getting suspicious she hasn't heard from Bella, and I don't know what to tell her. If you have news about Bells that I don't, just tell me now!"_

"_Don't worry," Jake said. "It will all make sense soon enough." They walked in silence for several more paces when Charlie stopped abruptly, turning._

"_Okay, this is far enough. Just spit out whatever it is you have to say, Jake. You tell me Bella is in town – I don't understand. Carlisle told me she was in Atlanta – was he lying? What about the disease?"_

"_Look," Jacob said. "She was…sick. Really sick. Dying…"_ _His voice trailed off for a second. "But she's better now. Except, she's a little different. It was the only way to save her, Charlie."_

"_What are you talking about, Jake? Different? Tell me what's going on!" Anger and confusion flooded Charlie's face._

_Jake paused next to him, meeting his eyes. "The problem, Charlie, is this really isn't something I can just tell you about. I mean, I could, but you'd never believe me."_

"_Then I have no idea why you dragged me out here," Charlie said irritably, turning away from him. "I'm heading back. If she's in town, I want to see her. She's my daughter, and no one is going to keep me from her."_

"_Wait." Jacob grabbed his arm. "The thing is, I may not be able to tell you about this, but I can show you."_

_Charlie threw up his hands in exasperation. "Well, fine," he snapped. "Then show me, Jake."_

_Jacob nodded. "I'll just need you to back up a little, first."_

_Charlie rolled his eyes. "What?"_

"_Just back up for me, give me some space. Over by that tree."_

"_Fine," Charlie grumbled. He turned and walked towards the tree. "This better not be some sort of stupid teenage prank, Jake." He reached the tree and turned, arms crossed. "Well, let's see it."_

"_Okay, I think you're as ready as you'll ever be," Jacob said, a nervous edge to his voice. "But just remember, Charlie, deep breaths."_

_Charlie's brow furrowed in confusion. "Deep breaths?" His eyes widened as Jacob began to swiftly undress. "What are you doing?" he gasped._

_And then the world shifted, space altering in a rush of wind as Jacob's form phased into something new, his changing eyes never leaving Charlie._

_Charlie stood frozen, unblinking. The wolf took a tentative step towards him._

"_No!" Charlie stumbled backward, hitting the tree behind him, his hands out in front. "Jesus Christ! Oh god, no!" His expression was a mask of white-faced horror, and one hand went up to grip his chest._

_Then the world phased again, folding in on itself until vision came from human eyes once again._

"_It's okay, Charlie," came Jacob's voice. "Everything's fine. Remember what I said – deep breaths." He took another step closer._

"_Stay away from me!" Charlie shouted, his voice laced with fear. His chest rose and fell heavily for several seconds, his wild eyes calming slightly as Jacob silently put on his clothes. "What the hell just happened, Jake? What did you do to me? Did you give me some sort of Quiluete hallucinogen or something?"_

_Jacob laughed sharply. "No, I'm afraid what you just saw was very, very real, Charlie. I can assure you."_

"_Then what…why…what is going on, Jake? How did I just see…what was that…that thing?"_

_Jacob took a deep breath. "Charlie, you don't live in the world you thought you lived in. The good news is, nothing has changed – except now you know. Life'll go on the same way it always has. You can go right back to pretending that you don't believe any of this."_

_Charlie stared at him silently for a few moments. "I don't know what you're talking about. I don't want to know. Why did you show me?"_

_Jacob took a deep breath, steeling himself.. "The reason I showed you this, Charlie, actually has nothing to do with me."_

_And in a slow, agonizing moment, Charlie's whole figure seemed to grow smaller, pain and horror lashing across his face, as he drew in a sharp breath. "Bella," he breathed._

"_Yes," Jacob whispered. "Bella."_

I was stunned by shock and anger. _ Jacob had changed to wolf form in front of Charlie?_ His impulsivity seemed to have no bounds.

"He phased in front of Charlie," I hissed.

"You _what?_" Bella gasped.

Jacob looked at her. "He's brave. Brave as you are. Didn't pass out or throw up or anything. I gotta say, I was impressed. You should've seen his face when I started taking my clothes off, though. Priceless." Jacob chuckled.

Emmett shook his head. _Gotta say, kid's got balls. _My family relaxed somewhat, relieved he had not betrayed us, at least yet, to a human.

"You absolute _moron!_" Bella shrieked. "You could have given him a heart attack!

Jacob grinned. "Charlie's fine. He's tough. If you'd give this just a minute, you'll see that I did you a favor here."

"You have half of that," Bella snarled. "You have thirty seconds to tell me every single word before I give Renesmee to Rosalie and rip your miserable head off." Rose smiled sweetly at Jacob behind her. _That's my girl._ "Seth won't be able to stop me this time."

Leah bared her teeth slightly. _Just try something, bitch._

"Jeez, Bells," Jacob muttered. "You didn't used to be so melodramatic. Is that a vampire thing?" He glanced at me. _She's practically as bad as you now._

"Twenty-six seconds," Bella growled. Jacob rolled his eyes and sat down, Leah and Seth staying protectively close behind him, not liking the air of menace in the room.

Seth caught my eye. _He's just trying to do what's right, Edward,_ he thought. _In his own, twisted way._

_This has nothing to do with what's _right_,_ I thought furiously. _This is about what Jacob wants._

"So I knocked on Charlie's door this morning and asked him to come for a walk with me. He was confused, but when I told him it was about you and that you were back in town, he followed me out into the woods." He explained how he had phased in front of Charlie, and told him he lived in a different world than he had always thought. "It took him a minute to get his head together, and then he wanted to know what was really going on with you, with the whole rare-disease thing. I told him that you had been sick, but you were fine now – it was just that you'd had to change a little in the process of getting better. He wanted to know what I meant by 'change", and I told him that you looked a lot more like Esme now than you looked like Renee."

Esme gasped while Carlisle stared at Jacob with a hard face. Why the hell would he bring Esme into this? Pointing out the similarities among my kind was sure to lead to questions, and trouble.

_Calm down, he doesn't suspect_, Jacob thought. _He was way too distracted by me. _"After a few minutes, he asked, real quietly, if you turned into an animal too." Jacob laughed. "And I said, 'She wishes she was that cool!'"

Rose snorted in disgust. _As if!_

_Yeah, you wish, Blondie. _"I started to tell him more about the werewolves, but I didn't even get the whole word out – Charlie cut me off and said he'd 'rather not know specifics.' Then he asked if you'd known what you were getting yourself into when you married Edward, and I said, 'sure, she's known all about this for years, since she first came to Forks.' He didn't like that very much." I caught a glimpse in his mind of Charlie yelling in the forest. _She's been hiding this from me all this time? I always knew that guy was no good for her! I should have never let her out of the house. I should have sent her to Florida! _"I let him rant till he got it out of his system. After he got calmed down, he wanted just two things. He wanted to see you, and I said it would be better if he gave me a head start to explain."

Bella took a deep breath. "What was the other thing he wanted?"

Jacob smiled, glancing briefly at me. _Here's the best part. _"You'll like this. His main request is that he be told as little as possible about _all_ of this. If it's not absolutely essential for him to know something, then keep it to yourself. Need to know, only."

Bella blinked with surprise. "I can handle that part," she said.

"Other than that, he'd just like to pretend things are normal." Jacob looked pleased with himself.

Jasper shifted uncomfortably. _I don't know if we can let this happen, Edward. It's too dangerous for everyone._ His eyes moved towards the back windows, watching for Alice, and then back to me. _He technically may not know, but the Volturi won't care about the finer details._

"What did you tell him about Renesmee?" Bella's voice was still harsh, but the edge was relenting a little, her eyes hesitant, and curious.

"Oh, yeah," said Jacob. "So I told him that you and Edward had inherited a new little mouth to feed." He looked at me. "She's your orphaned ward – like Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson." Jacob laughed. _Batman – perfect for you._ "I didn't think you'd mind me lying. That's all part of the game, right?" _God knows you're good at it._ I ignored the jab, instead concentrating on Bella. "Charlie was way past being shocked at this point, but he did ask if you were adopting her. 'Like a daughter? Like I'm sort of a grandfather?' were his exact words. I told him yes. 'Congrats, Gramps,' and all of that. He even smiled a little."

I watched the unexpected wonder spread across Bella's face, feeling a stirring inside at the look of yearning in her expression that accompanied the idea of Charlie knowing about Renesmee. "But she's changing so fast," she said softly.

"I told him she was more special than all of us put together," Jacob said quietly, rising and walking towards Bella and Nessie, waving back Leah and Seth. _Jacob_, Renesmee thought, reaching out her arms, but Bella gripped her tightly. "I told him, 'Trust me, you don't want to know about this. But if you can ignore all the strange parts, you're going to be amazed. She's the most wonderful person in the whole world.' And then I told him that if he could deal with that, you all would stick around for a while and he would have a chance to get to know her. But that if it was too much for him, you would leave." Jacob smiled hopefully at Bella. "He said as long as no one forced too much information on him, he'd deal."

My family was watching the confrontation silently now, their eyes slightly conflicted, hopeful yet uneasy. Some of us had had relatives still alive when we had been changed. This severing of human ties was considered part of the price of immortality for our kind, for the few that cared. And yet, just because we had been forced to follow what we thought was the only possible way, didn't mean we wanted the same thing for Bella. She was showing us, and had been showing us since she came into our lives, that, maybe, there was another path. For her to keep someone so important to her in her life was an enticing possibility.

But other concerns troubled my family. It could be difficult to watch our human relations grow old and pass on, even from a distance, through casual investigation, or careful inquiry. These ties, however few or even distant, were what had once held us to the mortal world, our blood relatives in the family of men. But they faded away in the blink of an eye. Time meant something else to an immortal, and Bella had yet to experience this expedited passage of the hours, days, and years. Charlie was already more than halfway through his mortal life, and would swiftly be gone. We feared the closer she remained to Charlie, the more heartbreaking would be his inevitable loss would be.

And then there was the one rule of my kind – secrecy. Carlisle caught my eye, his expression tight. _This is not something I would normally condone, Edward, especially with a newborn. But the circumstances are certainly extraordinary, as is Bella, and your daughter._ His eyes moved momentarily around to everyone in the room, resting for a moment on Esme. Then he glanced at Nessie, thinking about robbing Charlie of the joy he had experienced in knowing her. _The safety of the entire family is at stake, and it will need to be handled carefully. But Charlie Swan is a man I would trust. Ultimately, it is up to you and Bella._

I looked at Bella's expression and I could see the hope invading her eyes, the desire to see Charlie, and share Renesmee with him. There was a determined light in her face, and I knew – if it was at all possible, this was something she was willing to try. I was torn. I had promised, _promised,_ I would keep her from hurting her family, or any humans. Allowing Charlie in such close proximity to her, all other issues aside, seemed like an incredibly foolish risk. But Bella had proven beyond a doubt that she was not a mindless newborn, but an amazing, aware creature with incredible control, and I felt a surge of sudden confidence that this was something she could handle. If she wanted to go down this path, I would support her.

"I'm not going to say thank you," she told Jacob. "You're still putting Charlie at a huge risk."

"I _am_ sorry about it hurting you." _I truly still care about her, Edward, regardless of what you may think. _"I didn't know it was like that. Bella, things are different with us now, but you'll always be my best friend, and I'll always love you. But I love you the right way now. There's finally a balance. We _both_ have people we can't live without." His eyes lowered for a moment to Renesmee's face.

_Oh please, give me a break, _Rose thought.

Jacob looked back up at Bella, pulling out the big brown eyes and giving her a sheepish grin. "Still friends?"

A small smile flickered on Bella's face, and I had to resist the urge to groan and roll my eyes. He'd better not expect forgiveness so easy from me – his brash actions would still put Bella in terrible pain.

_How does he do that?_ Emmett wondered. _That crap would never work with Rose._

Jacob held out his hand. There was a moment of silence, and then Bella exhaled and shifted, her free hand reaching out to grasp Jacob's.

"If I don't kill Charlie tonight," she said, "I'll consider forgiving you for this."

_Eh, I know I'm already forgiven. _Jacob smiled. "_When_ you don't kill Charlie tonight, you'll owe me huge." Bella rolled her eyes.

_I'm almost back, Edward,_ thought Alice, darting through the woods. _ I still can't see anything, so I'm assuming you didn't kill him."_

Jacob held out his hands for Renesmee. "Can I?"

"I'm actually holding her so that my hands aren't free to kill you, Jacob," Bella replied seriously. Emmett laughed softly. "Maybe later."

The back door flew open as Alice scurried inside, her face set. _I want these wolves out of my vision!_

"You, you and you," she snapped at Jacob, Leah and Seth. "If you must stay, get over in the corner and commit to being there for a while. I need to _see_." She looked at Renesmee, her brow furrowing. "Bella, you'd better give him the baby, too. You'll need your arms free, anyway."

As Bella handed the baby to a thrilled Jacob, Alice turned to Jasper, who was clearly unhappy. "It will be fine," she mouthed at him, jumping up to kiss his cheek. He smiled a little, touching her hair before she flitted back to Bella.

The wolves headed over to the far wall, where Jacob and Seth sat down, but Leah remained standing, still tense.

_I don't need this. I'm outta here._ "Am I allowed to leave?" she asked.

"Oh course," said Jake.

"Stay east so you don't cross Charlie's path," Alice murmured.

_Do you think I'm stupid?_ Leah banged out the back door.

_She's upset, panicked, _Jasper suddenly thought urgently. _Bella. _ I turned swiftly, catching a look of desperate, red terror in Bella's eyes. She was clearly second guessing herself. I moved close, touching her face gently.

"You can do this," I said softly. "I know you can. I'll help you; we all will."

Her expression remained frozen with anxiety. If she was afraid, or uncertain, we could leave right now. Someone could intercept Charlie, slow him down, while I got Bella a safe distance away. But I _knew_ that she would be able to control herself around him. And, I realized, I _wanted_ this to happen. As much as I hated to admit it, while Jacob had been motivated by his desire to keep Renesmee close, what he had done was as much for my wife as for my daughter. It would mean the world to Bella to not have to be separated from Charlie.

"If I didn't believe you could handle it, we'd disappear today. This very minute. But you can. And you'll be happier if you can have Charlie in your life."

Alice glanced at Jasper, raising her eyebrows, and he released a wave of calm confidence, feeding mainly off of my emotions. Bella's expression remained tight, but her breathing slowed slightly.

Alice handed her the contacts she had retrieved from the dresser table at the cottage. "These will irritate your eyes – they won't hurt, but they'll cloud your vision. It's annoying." We'd all had to wear them during assorted times when our changing eye color might be scrutinized – sometimes during overseas travel to better match a passport photo. Those were a specially made topaz color. The ones Alice had purchased for Bella were darker, chosen to cover red eyes – we'd used similar ones in the past for Jasper on a few unfortunate occasions. "They also won't match your old color, but it's still better than bright red, right?" She tossed Bella the box.

Bella looked confused. "When did you—"

"Before you left on the honeymoon. I was prepared for several possible futures."

I tensed, looking down, not wanting to relive Alice's visions of my having to change Bella on the island, either because of uncontrolled wantonness, or my own weakness. And then there had been the truly terrible visions, few and fleeting, but leaving me shaken, ashamed, and certain I was nothing more than a black cloud on Bella's life…

_Edward,_ Jasper gently admonished. I glanced over and saw him watching me with calm, aware eyes. _Whatever you are doing to yourself, stop. Now is not the time._ I nodded slightly, inhaling, trying to refocus on the present and not the past.

I watched Bella open the box. She picked up a contact, pressing it into her eye. She blinked and then frowned, looking around.

"I see you what you mean," she grumbled as she put in the other contact. She blinked up at me, startlingly different with her crimson orbs covered by a dark, dull brown, her fair skin flushed still by the hunt yesterday. "How do I look?"

"Gorgeous. Of course-"

"Yes, yes," Alice interrupted me. "She always looks gorgeous." Alice explained how the venom would disintegrate the contacts after a few hours. "So if Charlie stays longer than that, you'll have to excuse yourself to replace them. Which is a good idea anyway, because humans need bathroom breaks." She looked Bella up and down, and then shook her head. _She doesn't look human, even with the contacts._ "Esme, give her a few pointers on acting human while I stock the powder room with contacts."

Esme raised her eyebrows. "How long do I have?"

Alice envisioned Charlie, passing down the road a few minutes from our drive. "Charlie will be here in five minutes. Keep it simple."

Esme took Bella's hand. "The main thing is to not sit too still or move too fast."

Emmett nodded. "Sit down if he does. Humans don't like to just stand there."

"Let your eyes wander every thirty seconds or so," Jasper said. "Humans don't stare at one thing for too long."

"Cross your legs for about five minutes," Rosalie added. "Then switch to crossing your ankles for the next five."

As my family threw suggestions at her, I glanced over to check on Renesmee. She was seated in Jacob's lap on the floor, her hand on his neck as she replayed various scenes from the day – her distress at discovering Jacob had left, Emmett and Jasper looking like idiots doing headstands to try to amuse her, Bella's angry reaction when Jacob had returned. Jacob remained silent, letting her sift through the images as he gently caressed one of her soft curls between his fingers.

"No, I think I got it all," I heard Bella say, drawing me back. "Sit, look around, blink, fidget."

Emmett grinned. _Pick your nose, scratch your butt... _Emmett had his own ways of acting human, generally to Rose's dismay. I glared at him before he could share his ideas.

"Right," said Esme, hugging Bella.

Jasper frowned, thinking about his struggles at school. "You'll be holding your breath as much as possible, but you need to move your shoulders a little to make it _look_ like you're breathing."

Bella took an unsteady breath, looking nervous. I wrapped an arm around her. "You can do this," I said softly.

Alice saw a vision of Charlie knocking on the door, and noted the time as she glanced at the clock on the mantle. "Two minutes. Maybe you should start out already on the couch. You've been sick, after all. That way he won't have to see you move right at first." She grabbed Bella's hand and pulled her to the couch. Bella moved with exaggerated slowness, swinging her arms and legs in a strange, awkward manner.

_What the heck was that supposed to be?_ Rosalie thought, grinning. _We said human, not drunk._

Alice rolled her eyes. _A born actress. Even she wasn't that clumsy!_

"Jacob, I need Renesmee," Bella said urgently.

Jacob looked unhappy. _That seems like a bad idea._ He stayed on the floor, clutching Nessie, glancing briefly at me.

Alice was shaking her head as Bella suddenly blurred out of her vision. _No, no!_ "Bella, that doesn't help me see."

"But I need her," Bella said, suddenly pleading. "She keeps me calm."

"Fine," Alice muttered, sighing. _I hope you appreciate what I go through for you!_ "Hold her as still as you can and I'll try to see around her."

Jacob remained still, and I raised an eyebrow at him. He sighed. _Yeah, yeah, I know, you could still throw me out._

As Jacob got up and approached, Alice's vision faded completely. She watched him with impatient eyes as he handed Nessie to Bella and backed away. When he sat back against the wall, she concentrated on Bella, finding her slightly blurred, only her head and shoulders unobscured by Renesmee's presence, but clear enough to watch her movements. _This is going to give me a headache,_ she grumbled.

_Is Nessie ready for such close proximity to a human? _Esme looked at me with a worried expression, and then we turned our eyes to Renesmee. She was quiet and still, sensing the tension around her. Although she controlled herself fairly well around Jacob, I knew she was still very aware of the scent of his blood, and Charlie's would be far more appealing. And I was afraid she would be tempted to communicate with him by her gift – something that I suspected would overwhelm Charlie beyond what he could handle.

I know that she instinctively sensed, and understood, that Jacob and Seth were different from herself, as well as her family. Although she had bitten Jacob, she controlled herself around Seth, even when tempted, understanding that the parameters were different with him than Jacob. I thought that, if explained, she could grasp new parameters for her grandfather.

I sat down next to Bella and Renesmee, wrapping my arm around them. I leaned over to catch Nessie's dark chocolate eyes, and she gazed back. _Daddy. _I felt a soft thrill at the word.

"Renesmee, someone special is coming to see you and your mother," I said quietly. "But he's not like us, or even like Jacob. We have to be very careful with him. You shouldn't tell him things the way you tell us."

Renesmee put her hand on my cheek, showing a memory of her reaching up to touch Jacob's face, and share her thoughts.

"Exactly." I smiled, pleased she so clearly understood my words. "And he's going to make you thirsty." Her mind filled with the memory of Jacob's scent, the sweet, enticing aroma hidden in deep musk. "But you mustn't bite him. He won't heal like Jacob."

She frowned, remembering the sight of small, fading tooth marks on Jacob's skin. I nodded.

"Can she understand you?" Bella asked, looking shocked.

"She understands," I said. "You'll be careful, won't you, Renesmee? You'll help us?"

Renesmee reached up and touched my face, her mind filled with the image of sinking her teeth satisfyingly into Jacob's chest. There was a questioning air to the vision.

"No, I don't care if you bite Jacob," I said. _Please do._ "That's fine."

Jacob laughed, remembering all the times Renesmee had bitten him. _Let's hope the mother has better self control than the daughter, for Charlie's sake!_

I glared at him. _Glad you find this so funny, mongrel. _I wished he could feel the burn Bella was going to face thanks to his actions. "Maybe you should leave, Jacob." I snapped.

Jacob balked, glancing at Renesmee. "I told Charlie I'd be here," he said. "Moral support."

"Moral support," I laughed. _Please._ I'd seen the look of horror on Charlie's face when Jacob phased. "As far as Charlie knows, you're the most repulsive monster of us all."

"Repulsive?" Jacob said. _Says the creature that sucks the blood out of people. _He laughed lightly._ Priceless._

I watched Charlie's approach in Alice's head while I listened to his tires turn off the highway. Alice could see as far as Charlie knocking on the door, but not beyond – too many variables at this point to how Charlie, and Bella, would respond. As Charlie's car took the turn into our driveway, I felt Bella turn to frozen stone beneath my arm, anxiety pulsing out of her. I watched her face, concerned.

_Tense, very tense,_ thought Jasper. _If she doesn't relax this isn't going to… Oh._ Surprise filtered through his thoughts as he sensed Bella's anxiety slowly easing. "Well done Bella," he said softly. _She's amazing, Edward._

I squeezed Bella proudly.

"You sure?" she asked me.

"Positive," I answered. "You can do anything." I leaned close, kissing her soundly, and she leaned into me, her lips separating slightly, her sweet scent filling my mouth…

"Er, Edward," Jasper said, "you might not want to distract her like that right now. She needs to be able to focus." _She's about to drag you to the bedroom._

I blinked with surprise and pulled away. "Oops." I hadn't realized I was having that affect on her.

Bella laughed. "Later," she said, and her gaze locked on my face, eyes burning bright.

_Geez. _Jasper shifted uncomfortably. He was so focused on Bella that her emotions were coursing right through him. He flicked a longing gaze at Alice, who winked, and then looked back."Focus, Bella."

"Right." Bella looked away, but her thoughts must have lingered on me because Jasper sighed. _Give me a break, _he thought desperately as another wave of hot, smothering lust washed through him. _If I unleash this on everyone the situation is going to get ugly in here!_ "Bella," he said warningly.

"Sorry, Jasper."

Emmett laughed. _Get your mind out of the gutter, woman!_

_Don't believe it…see her for myself…not Bella. Not my Bells._

My chest tightened as Charlie's characteristically indistinct thoughts began to break through to me as he drew closer. I could sense heavy disbelief in his mind, even after what Jacob has shown him. _Denial – a dangerous but useful thing, _I thought. I glanced at Bella, knowing her appearance would be an excruciating shock.

The car stopped in front. _They better answer the door…done with lies._ An angry haze flushed through Charlie's thoughts as he approached. _Who are these people…should bring her home…my daughter…_ His heartbeat was a little fast, but impressively steady, although his thoughts were slightly shaded with fear. I caught some jumbled images of Jacob's human and wolf facades, and surprisingly, Jasper's face, revealing the fact that Charlie had always been intuitive enough to be slightly intimidated by my brother. I smiled slightly. _Smart man._

As he approached the door, Carlisle looked at Bella and then caught my eye. _Protect him,_ he thought. _At all costs._ I nodded, his message clear. We would betray our inhuman abilities if there was any indication Charlie was in danger from Bella. God knew the façade was already mostly dropped as it was – we would use all our resources to protect him. I hoped if things did get tenuous we could physically remove him from the situation before his human eyes could comprehend – it would devastate him to see the uglier side of his daughter's new nature, especially if it was directed towards him. An image of a wild Bella lunging at Charlie appeared in my mind, and I pushed it away with horror.

Carlisle's eyes moved to Jasper, who nodded slightly and stepped closer to Bella. Emmett watched and then shifted his position so that he would be in the path of Bella and the door.

Alice caught a new vision of Charlie walking across the room towards Bella. _I think it is going to be okay,_ she thought. I hugged Bella against me, her warm, firm presence quickly reminding me that, fortunately for Charlie, his daughter was in miraculous control of her nature. I needed to remain confident in that.

_Here goes,_ Charlie thought. _For Bella. _He knocked firmly on the door. Carlisle smoothed his features and then moved over to open the door.

"Hello, Charlie," he said, his eyes tightening as he remembered the last phone conversation, when Esme had assured Charlie that Carlisle was in Atlanta with Bella and myself.

"Carlisle." Annoyance shot through Charlie's mind. _Some nerve…hiding my daughter. _"Where's Bella?"

"Right here, Dad." We all cringed as Bella's voice rang out, far too loud for around humans.

_Oops, _thought Alice. _Forgot to tell her to tone down her voice!_

_What was that…?_ Charlie's eyes scanned the room looking for the source of the unfamiliar voice, his eyes soon resting on Bella's face. _Who is that one…haven't seen before…oh, god. Bella._ Charlie's thoughts contorted, unreadable for a few seconds as his mind painfully comprehended that the unfamiliar, altered face and body in front of him belonged to the daughter he loved. His mind started shifting through a kaleidoscope of images of Bella…a wailing newborn in Renee's arms, graduation day across the crowd, a sullen pre-teen with a fishing rod, a young woman with a nervous face in her wedding dress, a toddler seated next to a Christmas tree, chocolate smeared across her young mouth.

Then Bella's tear streaked face as we left for the honeymoon, her arms wrapped around him. The last time he had seen her. _I love you forever, Dad. Don't forget that._

_You, too, Bells. Always have, always will._

He stared, unblinking. _Oh, Bella. Impossible…how did this happen…should have protected her…failed. Failed her. My daughter…no…my Bells…how…can't be…_

"Is that you, Bella?" he whispered.

"Yep." Bella cringed, her voice too loud again. "Hi, Dad," she said softly.

…_really her?_ Charlie took a deep breath. Jasper was radiating a subtle calm into the room.

"Hey, Charlie," Jacob said from the corner. "How're things?" Charlie started and then looked over at Jacob, a flash of his wolf form running through his mind. _…to think I wanted Bella with him…not human…_ I felt a flash of grim satisfaction at this thought. Charlie looked back at Bella and began to slowly approach her. My family shifted, tense and ready, as he came within a few feet of Bella. Alice's vision traced his movement, always one step ahead, watching for any interference. Bella remained frozen on the couch, not breathing.

Charlie's eyes moved to mine for a moment, anger temporarily eclipsing his thoughts. _Did this to her…no good…leave my daughter alone. Perfect how she was…_

He looked back at Bella, her differences and similarities even more startling at this close proximity. …_eyes wrong…so pale…different._ Bella smiled slightly, and he took a half step backwards with surprise, seeing the familiarity in the expression.

"Bella?" he asked.

"It's really me," Bella said softly.

_Bella._ The edge of his thoughts shifted slightly, to the role of the indignant, angry father. _Why?_

"Sorry, Dad," Bella mumbled.

"Are you okay," he demanded. _…can take her away right now if she wants…_

"Really and truly great," Bella said. "Healthy as a horse." Her shoulders tightened, and I knew she was out of air. I tightened my grip around her shoulders. Jasper inched closer, his fist opening and closing with anxiety.

Alice was concentrating hard, trying to see around Renesmee's blur at the immediate future. _No one's moving, I don't see any struggles. I think she stays on the couch. She's got this._

"Jake told me this was…necessary." Charlie's voice was questioning. "That you were dying." His eyes flickered momentarily back to my face. _His fault…why…been another way…his fault._ He looked back at Bella, and I closed my eyes for a brief moment. I understood, and accepted his anger. I had taken his daughter, endangered her, and changed her. Opening my eyes, I glanced at Renesmee, and knew I would feel the same if it was her. I realized suddenly that Charlie and I shared this now - we were both fathers, and we were both eternally bound by the paternal instinct to nurture, and protect, the daughters we loved.

I felt Bella press against me, and realized she was about to draw a breath. I heard the air flow down her throat as her shoulders and chest raised slightly. Jasper stiffened behind us. _She's burning…burning badly._ I hugged her tightly to me, restraining as well as comforting, hating the position she had been put in, and despising that she had to experience pain, while we waited for the true measure of her response. After a couple of seconds, Jasper relaxed slightly. _In control. Total control._

"Jacob was telling you the truth," Bella said.

_Truth…why hear it from Jacob…how many lies?_ "That makes one of you," he snapped.

_The baby,_ thought Jasper suddenly. Renesmee was beginning to inhale deeply, pulling in Charlie's scent. She was comparing it to Jacob's, realizing Charlie's scent was not lined with the less appealing smell of the wolves, more similar to the scent that came from her metal cup. _Warm_, she thought. The blood in the cup was always cold. _Warm._

I saw Bella tighten her grip on Renesmee, and Charlie's eyes were drawn to her, shock registering. He hadn't even truly realized her presence yet, his whole being having been concentrated of Bella.

"Oh," he said. "This is her. The orphan Jacob said you're adopting." He noted the similarity of hair color between Nessie and me, and suspicion entered his mind. I realized suddenly it would be easier to stay as close to the truth as possible, admitting at least a blood relation between Renesmee and myself. Many years of lying had taught me the closer the lie was to the truth, the easier it was to keep up the deception. Trying to explain that Bella had given birth would be too much, at least for today. Better to start with the story Jacob had given him, and what would probably end up being the standard, public story we would used for Renesmee – adoption. Truly, I wanted nothing more right now than to claim my daughter as my own. Bust as she grew, and Bella and I remained young, adopted would be the cover story, much as it was for my siblings.

_He'll believe it,_ Alice said, seeing a fairly clear vision of Charlie accept my version of the truth. _I think._

"My niece," I said.

"I thought you'd lost your family," Charlie growled. …_or more lies…_

"I lost my parents." _True._ "My older brother was adopted, like me. I never saw him after that. But the courts located me when he and his wife died in a car accident, leaving their only child without any other family."

_Well done, son, _thought Carlisle.

Rosalie rolled her eyes. _Sounds like a bad movie script._

Renesmee's face was buried in Bella's hair. She turned her head slightly towards Charlie, away from Bella, inhaling again, his scent even more potent when not mixed with Bella's. She quickly turned back away, remembering my warning.

_Striking,_ thought Charlie, surprised. _Look at those cheeks._ "She's…she's, well, she's a beauty."

"Yes," I said. _Like her mother._

He looked between Bella and me. _Eighteen years…too young… _"Kind of a big responsibility, though. You two are just getting started."

Renesmee was still inhaling deeply, Charlie's heartbeat starting to thunder in her ears. _Warm. Close. Thirsty._ Alice's vision was still showing the edges of Bella sitting calmly on the couch, but she couldn't see Renesmee at all. It seemed fine, but still – she was young. Her decisions might be impetuous.

"What else could we do?" I said to Charlie as I reached over and brushed Renesmee's lips with my finger. She glanced at me, her mind replaying my earlier words…_he's going to make you thirsty. But you mustn't bite him._ "Would you have refused her?"

"Hmph." _Admirable, I suppose._ "Well. Jake says you call her Nessie?"

Bella stiffened. "No, we don't," she snapped. "Her name is Renesmee." In the corner, Jacob fought back a smile.

Charlie looked at me. _… young…to soon…_ "How do you feel about this? Maybe Carlisle and Esme could-"

"She's mine," Bella said sharply. "I want her."

Jasper cringed. _Too emotional, _he thought, upping the calm a little.

Charlie was uncertain. "You gonna make me a grandpa so young?"

"Carlisle is a grandfather, too," I said, smiling at my father. Charlie's eyes darted over to him. _…grandfather…too young to be a father…_

He laughed once. "I guess that does sort of make me felt better." He looked back at Renesmee, leaning slightly closer as if for a better look. _Maybe 4…6 months old? _He remembered Bella at that age, dark hair in ribbons, wide brown eyes. _So pretty. _"She sure is something to look at." He exhaled, sending a current of scent towards us, cut grass and fresh leaves combining with a warm, enticing sanguine breeze.

_Ahh,_ thought Renesmee, his warm breath on her tongue. She leaned towards him, drawn instinctually toward the scent, Bella's hair falling away from her face.

_The eyes._ Charlie stiffened, standing back up straight, a gasp leaving his lips. …_eyes…brown…familiar…too familiar._ He looked at Bella's face, but in his mind saw only her human face, and back at Renesmee, seeing those human features in her expression. And my own features. _Theirs… Bella's…impossible._

I felt like kicking myself, wondering why I had ever imagined he would not see Bella in Renesmee. I had thought he would be too overwhelmed by the changes in Bella – I had totally underestimated him. I glanced pointedly at Alice, who shrugged.

_Oops. My bad!_ She raised her eyebrows. _He hadn't seen her eyes yet. That changed everything._

I watched as Charlie's mind filled with a vision of Bella in her wedding dress, as if he was trying to reassess, fit a pregnancy into her slim form. _Even if 3 months…4 months…been a few weeks…impossible._ His mouthed soundlessly as he counted the months.

Jacob suddenly got up and walked over to Charlie. _Poor guy. _He patted Charlie on the back. "Need to know, Charlie. It's okay. I promise."

_Right._ He remembered Jacob telling him Renesmee was special. Now he began to understand. _Bella's child…special... Wait._ He swung at me, my face confident in his memory, my earlier words filling his ears. _Adopted…my niece…died in a car accident. _Resentment swirled through his mind, and he took a step towards me._ Lies…right to my face._

"I don't want to know everything, but I'm done with the lies!" he growled.

_Totally busted, _thought Emmett.

I looked at Charlie apologetically. "I'm sorry, but you need to know the public story more than you need to know the truth," I said. It was the best way to protect him from the Volturi, although I had no plans to explain that to him. And in protecting him, we protected ourselves. "If you're going to be part of this secret, the public story is the one that counts. It's to protect Bella and Renesmee as well as the rest of us. Can you go along with the lies for them?"

I watched Charlie carefully for his reaction, along with the rest of my family. If this had become too much, if Charlie balked now at accepting the façade, we would need to leave now, immediately, putting as much distance between us before he could learn any more of the truth. Not that any of us believed that Charlie would betray us, but it would just be too dangerous for him if he inquired too deeply into our nature. If the Volturi appeared to check on Bella, we could not risk being near Charlie if he might draw any of their suspicion.

He glared at me. _Yeah, yeah…for them..._

"You might've given me some warning, kid," he said, looking at Bella.

"Would it really have made this any easier?" she asked.

_Maybe._ He knelt down in front of us, bringing his warmth and scent even closer. _Charlie,_ thought Nessie, smiling. She reached out to touch him, wanting to show him his face in her thoughts, acknowledge him. Bella wrapped her hand around her wrist, pulling her back. She reached another hand up to Bella's neck, her mind filled with Charlie, and his scent and warmth, and her thirst.

"Whoa," Charlie said, looking at her smile. _So many teeth. _"How old is she?"

"Um…" Bella faltered.

"Three months," I said. She actually looked a bit older, but usually people accepted a slightly younger age for us. We always started out younger than we were. It gave us more flexibility. Although, when Charlie spent more time with her, he would quickly realize her capabilities were far beyond a three month old. Or a three year old. "Rather, she's the size of a three-month-old, more or less. She's younger in some ways, more mature in others."

As if to prove my point, Nessie waved at him. His eyes widened.

Jacob smiled proudly. "Told you she was special, didn't I?" He nudged Charlie with his elbow.

_Ugh_, thought Charlie, Jacob's wolf form flashing into his mind. He pulled his arm away.

"Oh, c'mon, Charlie," Jacob said. "I'm the same person I've always been. Just pretend this afternoon didn't happen."

A quick vision of Jacob phasing in the forest flashed into Charlie's mind, and he cringed. He eyed Jacob for a moment. …_why?…_ "Just what is your part in all this, Jake?" he asked. "How much does Billy know? Why are you here?"

_Should we tell him_? An evil grin appeared on Emmett's face. _I'd love to see Charlie's reaction to the idea the Jacob worships his three month old granddaughter. _I smiled, rather liking the idea.

"Well," said Jacob, not about to go in that direction. "I could tell you all about it – Billy knows absolutely everything – but it involves a lot of stuff about werewo -"

"Ungh!" Charlie interrupted, covering his ears. _Don't want to know! _"Never mind."

"Everything's going to be great, Charlie," Jacob said, smiling. _Because now you know, and they'll be able to stay._ "Just try not to believe anything you see."

…_like to forget… _Charlie mumbled something under his breath.

"Woo," Emmett bellowed from across the room. "Go Gators!"

I turned and stared at him incredulously. He raised an eyebrow back. _Hello? Providing distraction here. You're welcome!_

"Florida winning?" Charlie asked.

"Just scored the first touchdown," Emmett replied. He looked suggestively at Bella. "'Bout time somebody scored around here."

Bella's eyes narrowed furiously. I glared at him warningly, but his grin just grew wider. _What are you gonna do about it?_

Charlie stood up, inhaling deeply, and moved towards the open chair, walking in a wide circle around Jacob. He sat down like he was exhausted. _Football – now that's something I can believe in._

"Well," he said. "I guess we should see if they can hold on to the lead."

"Who do you like this year?" Emmett asked.

"I think Ohio State is showing good promise."

"Oh, I don't know," said Emmett loudly. He turned and stared pointedly at Bella. "I think they don't have what it takes to go _all_ the way." He winked, and Bella growled softly under her breath. I rubbed her arm in sympathy. Unfortunately, once Emmett got started on something, it was next to impossible to stop him until he'd completely worn the joke out. And then some. And with Charlie here, I couldn't kick him out the back door and straight over the river, as I'd like to.

It was silent for a few seconds. Rosalie sat down on the other side of Bella, smiling at Nessie. Alice, after sending Jacob retreating back to the wall with a stern gaze, had moved behind the couch to stand with Jazz, holding his hand. Carlisle and Esme moved over closer to Charlie's chair, their arms around each other and their eyes on the game. Charlie's gaze wandered over to them, and his thoughts became slightly uncertain. _I wonder…how far it goes…_

"You two are really married, right?" he asked suddenly. Carlisle and Esme glanced at him in surprise, and then Esme smiled warmly. She reached out and touched Charlie's shoulder gently. His wary eyes followed her movement.

"Yes, Charlie, we're really married," she said, laughing quietly.

"Right," he said. "Sorry. Of course." He looked to the side, at Rose next to Bella, and then Jasper behind her, and then back to Rose. "And you two are really brother and sister?"

Rose opened and closed her mouth a couple times, looking desperately at Carlisle. "Uhh…"

"Forget it, forget it," Charlie said suddenly. "I don't want to know." He looked back at the television, and the atmosphere relaxed when he suddenly whirled towards us again, glaring between Bella and me.

"When he left, and then you disappeared, was that related to all this…stuff? We're you really in California? I always thought…."

"Dad," Bella groaned, rolling her eyes. "Please. That's all ancient history."

"Right, right," Charlie mumbled, turning away. _Not to me._ "Forget I said anything."

"Hey Charlie," Emmett said loudly. "What are your thoughts on the draft for the Seahawks this year?"

"I hope they can grab a cornerback, if they don't pick up one in free agency," Charlie said, distracted. "They are sorely lacking, and I think it's a crucial position to shore up the defense."

"Great point," Emmett said. He turned to look at my wife. "And what's _your_ favorite position, Bella?"

I sighed. It was going to be a long afternoon.

* * *

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_Thanks for your reviews!_


	28. Balance

_So…this did not end up being the last chapter! As soon as I started writing it, I realized it would be too long, and I really didn't want to rush the ending. So there is one more chapter after this one :)_

_Thank you to everyone who reads and reviews. Your support is incredible!_

_Thank you to noamg and lada_8 for all of their incredible help._

_This story has been nominated for a 'Bring me to life' award and The Vampies– see endnote for details. _

_Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight._

_

* * *

_

_Edward._

I glanced up to see Alice standing at the back of the room, at the entrance under the stairs. She was practically humming with excitement.

_Come and see me in the kitchen,_ she thought, and then suddenly was singing the Star Spangled Banner in her head. She was obviously trying to hide some secret from me. I rolled my eyes and then nodded. As I turned back, I caught Charlie watching us, taking in our obvious, silent exchange. He looked away quickly.

I sighed quietly. Keeping our subtle or less than subtle, in some cases, differences from Charlie had been harder than expected over the course of the long afternoon. In spite of his desire not to know more, Charlie was just not capable of turning off his policeman's brain, too long trained to notice and record the details of his surroundings.

Even with Emmett's nearly constant sports commentary, and numerous jokes and jabs at Bella's expense, Charlie had been quiet and thoughtful most of the day. He was unable to avoid noting the similar tone of my family's skin, including Bella. When Bella's hands moved too quickly as she talked or her voice rose too loud, he tried to look away, but later would notice Alice flitting across the room with similar speed. He had watched with carefully concealed interest as a rather panicked looking Bella had passed on increasingly squirmy Renesmee off to Rose to be fed in the kitchen.

He also still harbored a suspicion that Bella might be able to turn into an animal like Jacob, despite his reassurances otherwise, and had spent some time trying to decide what kind of animal it might be, until he got frustrated with his own thoughts. _You don't want to know,_ he had chided himself.

Nessie was asleep now, contented and back in Bella's arms. The second college football game was coming to a close, with a resounding loss for the University of Tennessee.

"Whoa, I bet a lot of people lost their shirts betting on that one," Emmett said. His eyes glittered. "Still got your shirt on, Bella? I bet you keep it _all_ on."

Bella stared pointedly at the TV, attempting to ignore this latest comment. Charlie glanced at Bella blankly, his mind distracted and confused. …_don't get it…_

I leaned over and kissed her cheek. She gave me a strained smile. I got up and headed towards the kitchen.

Jasper caught my eye. He was leaning against the wall, looking casual but ever vigilant. _She's doing great_, he thought. The longer Charlie had remained in the room, the heavier his scent had become in the air. We could handle it easily - but Bella should have been going out of her mind with thirst by now. Except that she wasn't.

I shook my head at him to indicate my ever increasing amazement, and then headed into the kitchen. Alice was in there with Esme, who had something clutched in her arms and was absolutely glowing. Alice was bouncing up and down on her toes and quietly clapping her hands.

I smiled at them. "Well?"

_We're going to set up Nessie's crib!_ Alice danced around in a little circle, unable to contain her excitement. _She can sleep with you in the cottage tonight!_

I paused with surprise, and then felt deep warmth spread through my chest at the thought of bringing my daughter to our home to sleep in her own bed. Alice read my expression, and she bounced up and kissed me on the cheek.

_Esme and I will go and get things all set up right now. Of course, the room needs some serious redecorating, and we have to figure out where to put Nessie's clothes. There just won't be enough room in your closet, so we might have to add another closet. _She quickly sketched in her mind an additional closet that rivaled even the one off our bedroom.

I raised my eyebrows and glanced at Esme, who was smiling warmly, unaware of Alice's thoughts. She was _not_ going to like that idea. Neither would Bella.

_We really thought you'd like to keep her with you, _Esme thought.

"Thank you," I murmured, looking at both of them.

Alice touched Esme's arm. "I'll meet you in the garage," she whispered. The wrought iron crib they had purchased a couple days ago had been stored out there. Esme had originally hoped to shop for an antique wooden cradle, but within the first day it had become obvious Renesmee would need something sturdier. The crib had been one of Alice and Rose's purchases when they had gone out shopping for clothes for Nessie.

Esme nodded and Alice turned to glare at me. _Don't tell Bella yet!_ I nodded and she disappeared. I glanced down at the folded object in Esme's arms and cocked my head questioningly.

She smiled. _Sheets for the crib._ Studying them, I was surprised to find they were not the familiar pink, but a soft, sky blue. They were delicately decorated with pure white clouds. I reached out and traced the edges of one with my finger.

"An angel should sleep in the clouds," Esme said quietly. Her soft eyes rose up to meet mine, and she reached out and touched my cheek.

There was an uncomfortable cough from the doorway behind us. We turned, finding Jacob behind us.

"Sorry," he said. "I was just, you know…" He gestured towards the refrigerator. _Looking for food._

"What a surprise," I muttered. He flushed, glancing at Esme.

"Eat whatever you want, dear," she said kindly. Jacob glanced down at the sheets in her arms.

"What are those?" he asked. I held my finger to lip.

"Secret," I mouthed. "For Renesmee's new crib."

"Oh," he said in surprise. _Suppose she needs one. Guess she can't sleep in our arms forever._ He looked behind me out into the hall. _Where did you set it up? The office? _His mind briefly filled with a vision of himself sitting in Carlisle's office, patiently watching a sleeping Renesmee through the bars of a crib.

I sighed, realizing a turning point was coming that Jacob did not yet see. I caught Esme's eye, and she nodded. _We'll be back shortly._

I checked on Bella through Jasper's eyes, finding her distracted, discussing Renee's newest hobby, jewelry making, with Charlie. Charlie, looking embarrassed, was telling her Renee had sent samples of her new creations to the female Cullens. I turned to Jacob.

"The crib will go in the cottage, Jacob," I said in a low voice. "Nessie will sleep there, with Bella and me. Her parents." He blinked a couple times, and I watched as the reality of my words sunk in, his shoulders lowering slightly as some of the life drained out of his face. _Damn._

We had been ensconced in a surreal state since Renesmee's birth. As I had been suspended in time, waiting for Bella to wake, and we had all faced so much unknown, circumstances had allowed Jacob to spend almost every moment in Nessie's presence. I could see that he had known it would end, eventually, that things would have to change. But now he felt the pain of letting go. The last few days had been a blur for him, and yet were the most extraordinary of his life, because of Nessie. And he didn't know, yet, how to be away from her.

"Maybe it's time you went home, Jacob," I said gently.

He stiffened immediately. _Are you saying you want me out of here?_ Panic laced his thoughts, and a defensive anger brimmed to the surface.

I felt a rush of familiar irritation. _Why does he always have to be so defensive?_ I took a calming breath, not intending to get in an argument.

"No, Jacob," I whispered. "It's just…my family. Bella, Nessie and I – we've had a rough start. We need some time together, just us." I sighed. "You can't be here all the time. There has to be…balance."

I paused, feeling the weight, and truth, of my own words. It was time for us all to find balance. There had been imbalance between Bella and me since the day we met. Since the first moment I saw her. Physical hurtles creating impossible inequity. Inescapable emotional barriers created by discord over Bella's future, human or immortal.

And Jacob had brought for a time a new imbalance into our relationship, creating a painful, unsteady asymmetry of three where there should have only been two. His life had also been out of focus, too long in love with one just beyond his grasp. And now – while I knew that Jacob felt his imprint on our daughter created a sort of symmetry, the nature of this powerful connection made him prone to extremes. As Bella and I finally found balance with each other, he needed to try as well.

"You haven't seen your father since you left," I said softly. "And there is your pack's future to figure out, as well as Sam's." I sighed. "And school, Jacob. You're young. You need to think about your education." I grimaced at my own words, suddenly feeling like my father.

_School_, Jacob grumbled internally as he looked away. I could see he had no immediate plans to return. But there was nothing I could do about that. I considered pointing out that the others who had imprinted in the pack went on, to a certain extent at least, with their normal lives. But perhaps it was too soon for that discussion.

Finally he glanced back at me with a resigned expression. _I know you and Bella need time alone with her, _he thought. _I want her to have a family. _A miserable edge crept into his mind as he averted his gaze again. _ I only ever want her to be happy. That's all I want._

I closed my eyes momentarily as the sympathy I didn't really want to feel began to seep in. _Damn his sincerity._ He did only want to make her happy. How could I pretend not to understand that?

I took a deep breath, opening my eyes. "Having you around _is_ one of the things that make her happy," I said softly. His eyes rose to mine, brightening slightly, and gratitude flashed across his face. "And I'm not telling you to leave. I'm just suggesting you remember the other things in your life. You are welcome here, anytime. In _moderation._" I stressed the last word, although I suspected his definition of moderation and mine were probably drastically different things.

Jacob nodded slightly. _Thanks, Edward. I appreciate that._ Then he grinned. _Guess you're not that bad for a bloodsucker._

I laughed once. "I'll take that." I reached out tentatively and grasped his shoulder briefly, before turning and heading back into the living room. The second game had officially ended, and sports commentary was beginning. Charlie was still settled in his chair.

_Talk about overstaying your welcome, _Rose thought irritably. _He's as bad as those wolves. _I gave her a dark look, and her expression turned slightly chagrined. _Sorry, but I'm so sick of football._

I considered letting her know she was welcome to leave moved slowly through the sports show, and then the 5 o'clock news. Eventually Esme and Alice returned, slipping quietly into the room. Emmett inquired into Bella's preferences on bed style ("I bet you like something sturdy"), and even went as far as to ask Charlie if he had heard the sounds of two animals mating in the forest the night before. Finally, though, an uncomfortable silence settled over the room. Charlie was staring at Bella, going back over the time since she arrived to live with him, looking for the signs he had missed that she was getting involved in all this.

_Well, I'm starving. _Seth stretched dramatically, and then stood up. "It's 5:30. You gonna stand Billy and my mom up, Charlie?" Jacob had quietly instructed Seth earlier to accompany Charlie to dinner at his mother's house. Seth also hadn't been home since leaving the pack. "C'mon. Bella and Nessie'll be here tomorrow. Let's get some grub, eh?"

Anxiety mottled Charlie's thoughts at Seth's words, and he glanced nervously at Bella and Nessie, sitting next to him. …_be here tomorrow…_ Jacob had told him earlier in the forest that our family had been planning to leave – would be forced to leave because of the secrets we held. He had stayed so long today partly because he was afraid to leave. Fearful that we wouldn't be here when he returned. Scared that Bella might change even more in his absence. Or find herself in more danger.

Finally he took a deep breath and nodded, patting his stomach and standing up. My family rose with him. "Well," he said, turning to Carlisle. "Uh, thanks for the hospitality." He slowly held out his hand, and Carlisle reached out and grasped it, shaking firmly. Charlie made quick note of his icy skin, trying to recall if he had noticed it before during interactions with my father at the hospital. Then he nodded at Esme. "Good to see you again." She smiled back warmly and he met her eyes, a realization of their golden hue washing over him. …_familiar… _He looked at me, my eyes reflecting a similar color, and then slowly he took in my family around him, varying shades of the same golden amber. …_idiot…never noticed before…how_. His gaze rested on Bella …_so different…such a strange brown…almost like…_

Emmett suddenly slapped Charlie on the shoulder, making him stumble forward a couple steps and earning a glare from everyone but me. I was glad for the interruption to Charlie's thought process. "Great watching the games with you, man."

_Ow,_ Charlie thought, smiling at Emmett weakly. "Yeah, thanks. Bye, everyone." He turned and faced me, his slightly cool eyes appraising. They flickered to Bella and Nessie at his side, and then back to me again. …_can I trust him…keep them safe…I hope…_ "Edward," he said, inclining his head.

"Thanks for coming by, Charlie," I said sincerely. "Your…visit…means a lot to Bella. And myself." Charlie's gaze softened slightly as love for his daughter, and new granddaughter, flushed into his mind.

"Well, see you, guys," Seth said brightly. He tugged on Charlie's sleeve. Charlie glanced up at Seth. _When did this kid grow so tall,_ he thought.

"Yeah, I'm coming," he mumbled, watching Seth lope quickly out the outside.

"I'll walk you out, Dad," Bella said. She moved with her father towards the door, Jasper and I trailing behind at a cautious distance.

Charlie sighed as they reached the front porch, turning towards her. "I don't know how much we should tell Renee about this," he said.

"I know," Bella said. "I don't want to freak her out. Better to protect her. This stuff isn't for the fainthearted."

Charlie cringed internally, wondering what else there was he didn't know. "I would have tried to protect you, too, if I'd known how," he said softly. …_still will …_ His mouth twisted into a small smile. "But I guess you've never fit into the fainthearted category, have you?"

Bella smiled, inhaling. Jasper and I tensed with her as she burned.

Charlie frowned slightly. _…what to tell Renee…_ "I'll think of something. We've got time to discuss this, right?"

"Right," Bella said.

_But how much time…_ "Jake says you guys were going to take off on me," he murmured, hurt tingeing his thoughts.

Bella looked apologetic. "I didn't want to do that if there was any way at all around it," she said softly. "That's why we're still here."

"He said you'd stay for a while, but only if I'm tough enough, and if I can keep my mouth shut."

"Yes…but…" Bella looked pained. "I can't promise that we'll never leave, Dad. It's pretty complicated."

Curiosity flared for a moment in Charlie's mind, and then he pushed it away. "Need to know."

"Right."

"You'll visit, though, if you have to go?"

"I promise, Dad. Now that you know _just_ enough, I think this can work. I'll keep as close as you want."

…_always want you close, Bella._ I realized Charlie was leaning in for an unexpected hug, and took an anxious step forward. Could Bella keep it together being pressed against him? Jasper circled around behind me to be in a closer position.

Bella reached out an arm and wrapped it around his waist.

"Keep real close, Bells," Charlie murmured. "Real close."

"Love you, Dad," Bella whispered roughly. She was clenching her teeth. Then he pulled away and she straightened, in control.

I couldn't believe she had touched a human, and still managed her instincts. She hadn't even fed today! When I thought of how his body must have felt under her newborn hands – soft and warm, coursing with blood just under the surface – she was just incredible.

Jasper caught my eye, shrugging and backing away slowly. _She doesn't need us. If she can do that, she's got this. I don't think I could have done that right now._

I nodded, waiting another second before backing away, moving silently up to the piano. I looked around the room for a moment. The atmosphere had quickly rebounded, and it felt satisfying to see my family fall back into some of the normal patterns of existence that had too long been put on hold. Carlisle disappeared for a second, returning with a book on genetic research for himself, and Esme's sketch pad, which she hadn't picked up in days. Alice had drawn Jasper over to the stairs, where she caressed his head in her lap and tried to ease the tension of the day out of him. Rose had dragged Emmett over to build a card house with her, a passion carried over from her human life.

Jacob, unbelievably, was in the kitchen again.

Looking down, I played a few notes lightly on the piano, remembering the tune I had been thinking of for Nessie.

Charlie was admiring Renesmee. "Do I ever get to hold her?" Bella stiffened slightly, examining Nessie, but I knew she was deeply asleep, her mind immersed in colors and starry images of loved ones. Bella carefully passed the baby to Charlie.

Charlie felt a flash of surprise as Renesmee's weight moved into his arms. "She's…sturdy." Bella looked surprised. "Sturdy is good," Charlie went on. "She'll need to be tough, surrounded by all this craziness." He rocked her slightly, again reminded of Bella at this age. _Seems like yesterday._ Nessie's curls swayed slightly against her fair skin, just the slightest flush on her cheeks. _…like an angel…_

"Prettiest baby I ever saw, including you, kid. Sorry, but it's true."

Bella grinned. "I know it is."

Charlie leaned closer to Renesmee. _She smells good… _"Pretty baby," he murmured gently. …_my granddaughter…hope they're safe…_

"Can I come back tomorrow?" he asked suddenly. _Keep an eye on things._

"Sure, Dad. Of course. We'll be here."

"You'd better be."

I tried to concentrate on my song, giving them privacy for final good-byes. I was thinking of something light and playful. I ran through a couple of arpeggios, trying to decide on a key.

I heard Charlie's steps on the front stairs, and I glanced over to see Bella standing in the doorway, watching him go. She stood there long after he had driven out the drive and onto the freeway. I gave her a few moments with her thoughts, continuing to play quietly.

"Wow," Bella finally whispered, breaking her reverie. I got up and moved swiftly across the room, wrapping my arms around her waist.

"You took the words right out of my mouth," I said in her ear.

"Edward, I did it." Relief painted her voice.

"You did," I said, kissing her neck. "You were unbelievable. All that worrying over being a newborn, and then you skip it altogether." _And she always accused me of being good at everything._

"I'm not even sure she's really a vampire, let alone a newborn," Emmett called out. "She's too _tame._"

Bella's head whipped in the direction of his voice and she growled, eyes flashing angry red. It seemed she'd reached the end of her rope with Emmett. Actually, she'd probably reached it a long time ago but couldn't do anything with Charlie here.

_Please._ "Oooo, scary," Emmett mocked. _I'm shaking here._

Bella hissed loudly, waking Nessie, who squirmed and then inhaled, searching for Charlie's scent. Her instinct to use scent before sight, much as my kind did, surprised me. She touched Bella's cheek, showing his face.

"Charlie will be back tomorrow," Bella said, calming slightly.

"Excellent." Emmett grinned, rubbing his hands together. Rose laughed next to him.

Bella growled angrily. Behind her, Jasper raised his eyebrows. _Do I have to stop her if she attacks him? I hope not. _

Emmett was such an idiot. Rather than trying to keep Bella calm, he was intentionally antagonizing her – had been all day. Despite his bravado, Emmett actually had no direct experience with trying to handle a newborn, except for the ones he had torn to pieces last spring. But Bella was no brainless, blood crazed creature. And clearly Emmett was having difficulty recalling his own newborn days, when we all had to walk on eggshells for a year to keep him from blowing up and destroying the house.

I recalled suddenly a conversation I had had with Bella a few months back, regarding how strong she would be as a newborn. "_As strong as Emmett?_" Bella had asked.

"_Yes,_" I had said, wondering how Emmett would handle not being the strongest one of us for once."_Do me a favor and challenge him to an arm-wrestling match. It would be a good experience for him._"

_Yes!_ Alice cheered mentally as she saw a vision of Bella and Emmett arm wrestling at the table. _Teach him a lesson._

"Not brilliant, Emmett," I said, reaching out to take Renesmee from Bella. She would need her hands free. She glanced at me in confusion, and I winked, letting her know I had a plan. I slid my hands under Nessie, and folded her soft body into my arms.

"What do you mean?" Emmett asked suspiciously.

I knew just how to get a rise out of him. "It's a little dense, don't you think, to antagonize the _strongest_ vampire in the house."

Emmett laughed loudly once. "Please!" _Strongest my ass!_

"Bella," I said softly, but clearly loud enough for Emmett to hear. "Do you remember a few months ago, I asked you to do me a favor once you were immortal?"

Bella face clouded for a moment, as she struggled to sift through human memories. Then, suddenly, her eyes brightened. "Oh!" she gasped.

Alice's vision shifted, clearly showing Bella easily slamming Emmett's hand into the table, a stunned look on his face. She burst out laughing. Jasper, Carlisle and Esme watched, looking slightly perplexed, as Jacob appeared from the kitchen. _What's so funny?_

Emmett glared at Alice for a moment, and then looked back at me. "What?" he growled.

"Really?" Bella asked. I could see the doubt in her eyes that her strength could possibly match Emmett's. I smiled – forget match it, she would exceed it.

"Trust me."

She nodded, taking a deep breath and turning to Emmett. "Emmett, how do you feel about a bet?"

_Sweet!_ Few things made Emmett happier than a bet. He jumped up. "Awesome. Bring it."

Rosalie stood up quickly next to him, putting her hands on her hips. _Don't get him started, Edward!_

I ignored her. Bella was looking nervous again, biting her lip.

"Unless you're too afraid…?" Emmett taunted. _The girl's not fool enough to take me on._

Bella's eyes flashed, and she stiffened, pointing a finger at him. "You. Me. Arm-wrestling. Dining room table. Now."

_Excellent._ Emmett grinned widely, and his eyes met mine for a second. _Hope you don't mind your woman getting her ass kicked, my brother._

Alice shifted nervously, surveying her vision, which showed Esme's much-loved dining room table smashed to splinters. _Esme will kill us!_

"Er, Bella," she said, "I think Esme is fairly fond of that table. It's an antique."

Esme's eyes widened in realization. _Oh my. _"Thanks," she mouthed silently at Alice.

"No problem," Emmett said, smiling. Alice's vision moved to the large boulder behind the garage. "Right this way, Bella."

Emmett turned and headed out the back. I took Bella's hand, squeezing it, and we followed with the rest of the family, with even Jacob trailing along. Renesmee placed her hand on my face, replaying the exchange in my mind, confused and questioning "You'll see in a minute," I whispered, and kissed the top of her head. She pressed into me, sighing quietly.

Emmett reached the stone and bent his arm, placing his elbow against the granite surface. His eyes glittered with anticipation at Bella. He waved at her to come closer. _Prepare for defeat._

Bella paused a couple feet away, looking uncertain. Her eyes flickered for a moment between Emmett's unnaturally bulging biceps to her own arms.

_Come on, Bella,_ Alice pleaded, as she temporarily lost the vision. _You can do this!_

Suddenly, Bella smoothed her expression and bent her arm against the boulder.

"Okay, Emmett," she growled, her face serious. "I win, and you cannot say one more word about my sex life to anyone, not even Rose. No allusions, no innuendos – no nothing."

Emmett looked at her appraisingly. "Deal. I win, and it's going to get a _lot_ worse." _And you ain't seen nothing yet, kid._ His grin grew as Bella froze in dismay.

"You gonna back down so easy, little sister?" Emmett widened his eyes innocently. "Not much wild about _you_, is there? I bet that cottage doesn't have a scratch. Did Edward tell you how many houses Rose and I smashed?" _And ten times as many beds._

Bella's eyes narrowed to crimson slits, and she ground her teeth. She grabbed his hand. "One, two-"

"Three." _Here we go._ I felt a slight pang of anxiety as Emmett shoved against Bella's hand with all his strength, wanting to take her down quickly. But her hand didn't move. _What the…_ Emmett's face twisted in confusion and shock, and he shifted so that he could bear even more force down on Bella's arm.

Nothing. _God dammit. What the hell! No God damn way I'm losing this. She is not stronger than me. _His face creased under the strain, and yet there was no movement of Bella's hand. I relaxed, pleased.

_Oh, this is so much fun!_ Alice thought delightedly, exchanging a smile with Jasper. _Five more seconds before she puts him in his place!_

Jacob was watching open-mouthed. He was well aware of Emmett's strength from our battle with the newborns. He found it almost impossible to equate Bella's physical power with the girl he had known. _Damn, _he thought.

Bella's was staring at her arm and Emmett's with a slightly surprised expression. Her muscles were relaxed, and I didn't think she was even applying any pressure. Then her eyes narrowed and her muscles twitched slightly, pushing Emmett's arm back an inch. She laughed in delight.

_No!_ Emmett snarled in fury and frustration.

"Just keep your mouth shut," Bella said sweetly, and she smashed Emmett's hand into the rock. A fissure opened under their hands, and a portion of the rock fell off, slamming into Emmett's foot. He looked down with furious surprise. _Dammit!_

I choked back laughter, pressing my face into Renesmee's hair to try to muffle the sound. Alice jumped up and down, clapping her hands. _You go girl!_

_This is bullshit!_ Emmett launched the rock off his foot and across the river, where it smashed through one tree before knocking down two others. _It was a fluke! I wasn't ready. _He turned to glare at me. _You tricked me!_ I couldn't hold back my laughter at this.

Esme looked at the downed trees unhappily while Carlisle patted her arm. Nessie's hand shot up to my neck and she replayed Emmett's outburst several times with a mixture of confusion and amusement.

Emmett whirled on Bella. "Rematch. Tomorrow."

Bella blinked innocently. "It's not going to wear off that fast," she said. "Maybe you ought to give it a month."

Emmett growled. _In your dreams, baby._ "Tomorrow," he snarled.

"Hey, whatever makes you happy, _big_ brother."

Emmett turned, punching the boulder, creating a spray of crushed rock, before charging back towards the house.

_Oh, real mature,_ thought Rosalie in irritation. She turned and glared at me. _Thanks for nothing, Edward. Now I have to listen to him sulk all night!_ She stalked away after Emmett, and I quickly got out of her mind as she began to formulate plans to help him feel better. I had a feeling he'd be happy soon enough.

There was a loud, grating noise and I turned quickly to see Bella pulverizing a handful of rock with a delighted look on her face. "Cool," she said quietly, grinning, and then whirled in a blinding circle and smashed the rock with the side of her other hand. There was a sharp crack, and the rock fell apart in two pieces.

_Nice,_ thought Jasper, smiling and nodding. Bella began to giggle, pulling back her arm and punching one of the halves, splintering it into several pieces. She spun again and kicked at the other half, smashing it into a dozen small pieces. One flew past Jacob's head and he ducked.

_Now she's really lost it, _he thought, chuckling.

Further up the lawn, Rose and Em had stopped to watch. _Show-off, _Emmett grumbled, and then grinned.

I watched with pleasure as exhilaration filled Bella's face, her laughter elated, as she stomped and kicked and punched, clearly reveling in the abandon of letting her strength flow through her limbs. She was a sleek and graceful vision of destruction, and I drank her in.

So long I had feared Bella would hate me if she ever became one of us, hate me for making her a monster like myself. Seeing her joy in this moment was a balm for many agonizing moments of indecision and apprehension. I remembered Jacob's words from earlier._ I only ever want her to be happy. _This was all I had ever wanted for Bella - to see laughter, delight, and happiness in her face, although I had often not known how to create it.

Renesmee squirmed in my arms, chortling quietly. Bella suddenly jumped, somersaulted twice in the air and came down, smashing the few remaining bits of rock to dust under her feet. Nessie drew in a quick breath of surprise, and then suddenly she laughed. Not the bubbly giggles of infanthood we had heard from her before, but a high, clear, almost adult peal of laughter that echoed softly around us. _Mommy. Funny._

I looked at her in amazement as this new sound left her lips. There was sudden silence, and I glanced up to see Bella staring.

"Did she just laugh?" she asked, her eyes wide.

"Yes," I murmured, smiling.

Jasper had been enjoying the flow of emotions coming from Bella, happiness and pleasure. Now, almost instinctively, he reached out from behind me and touched Nessie's arm, absorbing her pure, innocent joy. _Ahh, _he thought with a contented smile, basking in the emotion. Standing next to him, Alice squeezed him around the waist with her small arm, pleased to see him so happy.

"Who wasn't laughing?" Jake rolled his eyes. _Considering the production you were putting on!_

_Like he doesn't understand the thrill of new power._ "Tell me you didn't let go a bit on your first run, dog," I said, raising my eyebrows.

"That's different," Jacob said, giving me a light punch in the shoulder. _Hey, I'm just a kid, remember?_ He smiled. "Bella's supposed to be a grown-up. Married and a mom and all that. Shouldn't there be more dignity?"

Nessie touched my face, replaying the scene of Bella pulverizing the stone several times, slightly insistent, her message clear. _More._

"What does she want?" Bella asked anxiously.

I grinned. "Less dignity. She was having almost as much fun watching you enjoy yourself as I was."

"Am I funny?" Bella smiled brightly at Nessie, flitting over and taking her from my arms. She gave her a small slice of rock from her hand. "Do you want to try?"

Carlisle stepped forward slightly, interested in this test of Nessie's strength. His mind did a quick calculation of the pressure per centimeter necessary to crush the stone.

Nessie smiled, teeth bright, and squeezed the rock in her small palm, her face creasing with exertion. She opened her hand – she had ground the rock down slightly but it was still intact.

_Fascinating, _Carlisle thought, already cataloguing other substances he would present her with to see how her strength compared with ours.

Nessie held up the stone to Bella. "I'll get it," she said, taking the stone between her thumb and forefinger and pressing it into sand. Nessie clapped her hands, laughing loudly again, and everyone smiled.

Suddenly, heat bathed over me. I glanced up to see the sun move out of the clouds, its rays slicing through the brilliant red-orange sky of sunset. I moved my eyes down slowly to the vision beside me. Bella glittered, a thousand diamond sunsets, iridescent loveliness of every discernable color. I let the crystal beauty of her skin blind me with pleasure for a moment. I had seen the skin of my kind in the light of the sun countless times before, seen my own skin reflect in the golden rays. But with Bella, it was different somehow. Everything was new, and more intense, and more beautiful with her.

Nessie touched Bella's face, filling her mind with a comparative vision of her slightly luminescent skin against Bella's brilliance. There was something of an envious edge to the thought, and an acknowledgement and yet question of the contrast. I felt a flash of worry, as I realized that the differences between herself and her parents were beginning to quickly gather in Nessie's mind. As advanced as she was, it might be a while before she grasped the idea that those precious, irreplaceable human traits belonged to a part of her mother she had only known in the womb.

"You're the prettiest," Bella said reassuringly.

"I'm not sure I can agree to that," I said, smiling. Their beauty was of equal miracle. Bella turned to me as if to speak, but fell silent, merely holding my eyes.

_Ugh. Too weird._ Jacob held up his hand as if to ward off the glow. "Freaky Bella."

Alice narrowed her eyes at him. _She's gorgeous_, she thought.

"What an amazing creature she is," I said softly in agreement.

We all watched in silence as Bella regarded her shining arms, her crimson eyes reflecting the shimmering colors with a dozen facets of red. Finally, Jacob moved, kicking at the ground nervously.

"Well," he said with a forced casualness, glancing at me, "I think I'll take off for a while. Swing by the Clearwater's and make sure Charlie is doing all right." He frowned suddenly, thinking he probably should have warned Billy and Sue in advance that Charlie was now in on the secret.

"I'd really appreciate that," Bella said earnestly.

"But I'll be back in a few hours," he responded quickly, a desperate tone creeping into his voice. _I'll run the woods, _he thought looking at me. Then he turned his eyes to Nessie, and she held out a small hand towards him. He leaned forward and she touched his neck, filling his mind with a memory of walking along the river with him.

"Tomorrow," he said. "I promise." He took her hand from his neck and gave it a squeeze before letting it go. "Goodnight, Ness."

_Jacob,_ she thought with affection, flashing brilliant teeth.

"Bye, Jake," Bella said.

He smiled broadly at her. "Bye." He glanced around at my family. "See ya."

"Take care, Jacob," Carlisle said. We all murmured goodbye. Except Rose. He turned, ran up the slope and disappeared around the house. Off to the side in the forest, there was a snap of branches and a flash of fur – Leah moving to meet him.

Jasper suddenly shifted next to me, his focus on Bella as he felt a sudden burn of thirst. I turned to see Bella touch her throat anxiously. I bent close to her ear.

"Time to hunt again?" I asked in a quiet voice.

"Ooh." Alice clapped her hands. "Let's all go together."

Bella frowned. "We can't bring Renesmee," she said, her voice slightly panicky as she clutched the baby to her.

Esme stepped forward, smiling. "Carlisle and I would be happy to stay with Renesmee." Her eyes were alight with the prospect of having Nessie to herself. "Please, you kids go and have fun."

Bella glanced at me and I nodded, smiling reassuringly. She handed Nessie to Esme. Everyone smiled at each other, pleased. Jasper was particularly anxious to hunt after a long day bathed in Charlie's scent. Even Emmett brightened, moving closer.

"Hunting. Great idea." He grinned at Bella. "Maybe it will finally bring out the animal in you."

"Hey!" She punched his shoulder and he winced. "You lost that bet! No more comments!"

Rose came up behind him. "Yeah, time to shut up, Emmett." She grabbed his hand and pulled. "Come on." We all turned and ran, flying across the lawn together, Bella quickly pulling in front.

"Bella!" Alice called. Bella slowed and Alice grabbed her hand. They jumped the river together, Alice pulling Bella into a synchronized somersault halfway over. Behind us, I could hear a shriek of delight from Nessie. The rest of us leapt at random intervals, nothing but a soft brush of air as we landed.

I reclaimed Bella's hand from Alice and we ran together for a few moments. But soon she pulled away, chasing Emmett up into the trees, where they taunted each other, launching branches to try to knock the other down. Alice and Jasper disappeared somewhere off to the side together, while Rose stayed out in front.

Finally, Bella appeared like an arrow in front of me. "Where are we going?" she asked.

"You'll see." I grinned. Everyone was automatically heading towards a large boulder at the foot of the hills we called "The Rock" – our normal launching off spot for any group hunt.

Bella broke out in front again, and I ran beside her before catching her hand and pulling her gently to a stop as the large stone rose out of forest before us.

"Wow," she said, looking up.

Rose appeared out of the forest, running past us and climbing straight up to the top of the rock, some twenty feet above. Alice and Jasper slipped through the trees, pausing by us. Then Emmett burst out behind them, leaving bent and trampled branches in his wake, and scrambled up to the top of the rock. He grabbed Rose, bending her over backwards and kissing her before throwing his head back and roaring.

"I am vampire. Hear me roar!" he bellowed.

"Idiot," Rose scoffed. "Get off me, Em." She straightened, giving him a shove. "Stop acting like an animal."

He slapped her on the bottom. "Oh, come on, babe – you know you love it."

Alice and Jasper were laughing. Jasper grabbed Alice around the waist, lifting her off her feet and biting her lightly on the neck. She shrieked, kicking wildly.

Bella was watching my siblings with interest, her eyes bright with excitement, and some surprise in her expression. I realized she'd never truly seen my brothers and sisters in a totally relaxed, carefree form.

Something Carlisle had always schooled us on was that one of the keys to successful, safe interaction with humans was physical and, most importantly, emotional moderation. Our dangerous, instinctive nature was provoked by scent and thirst, but it could also be triggered by any extreme emotion: anger, despair, excitement. I had, of course, learned to show all of my true self to Bella long ago. I had too. But my siblings, even though they were mostly completely comfortable around Bella, had remained somewhat restrained in her presence, under the advice of Carlisle.

This ability to finally let go and be himself around Bella was particularly freeing for Jasper, who had now slung Alice over his shoulder while she giggled and beat him on the back. Emmett was murmuring quietly into Rose's ear above us. Glancing at Bella, I was suddenly hit by the very boyish thrill that for once, I was not the tag along with the two couples on this hunting trip. I was not on the outside. I was not _alone_. I had my own mate with me. _My wife_, I thought with giddy satisfaction.

Feeling exhilarated, I grabbed Bella suddenly to kiss her. Too suddenly. Surprised, her hands shot out defensively, hitting my chest and sending me flying several feet backwards where I landed hard in a sitting position on the ground. There was a moment of stunned silence as my siblings turned and stared, and then everyone around me, except Bella, burst out laughing.

Emmett jumped down from the rock next to me, howling with laughter. "That was awesome, Bella," he choked out. "High five." He held up his hand, which Bella looked at in horror for a second before turning back to me.

"Edward, I…"

"Oh, he's fine, Bella," Emmett said. He grabbed me under the shoulders, trying to haul me up. "See if you can do it again."

I shook him off irritably and stood up by myself, trying to cover my embarrassment. I reached out, slowly this time, taking Bella in my arms. She still looked stunned. "It's alright, sweetheart," I said, laughing lightly. "I asked for it."

"Yes, but…" she stammered.

"Don't sweat it, Bella," Jasper said. "None of us can ever get an upper hand on him. It's been a long time coming."

"Yeah, Bella," Emmett said. "And who would have guessed that you like it rough."

Bella twisted in my arms to glare at him. "Emmett," she said in a warning voice.

Rose jumped down, still laughing. "Come on, let's hunt."

We took off in a group again. Jasper and I scouted out to the sides, searching for mountain lion, but none were around. Bella caught a scent and we followed her to a large clearing filled with a herd of elk. We stood silently just within the trees together.

"Ugh," Bella whispered. "I really wish they smelled better."

Jasper grinned. "I am totally with you on that one, Bella."

"Complaints, complaints," Alice muttered. "I see you both enjoying it just fine."

"Well," Emmett said from behind us. "Last one in is a rotten egg!" And then he was flying over us, landing in the middle of the herd and yelling "Boo!"

The elk screamed with terror and scattered. Watching them flee immediately triggered all of my instincts, narrowing my vision as a rush of flames shot up my throat. I went for a large buck when I heard Emmett yell "Edward, catch."

Seeing his thoughts, I whipped my head around just as he launched an elk right at me. I caught it easily, breaking its spine and emptying it in a moment, the hot blood, as always, inexplicably and imperfectly cooling to my blazing throat.

"Grow up," I yelled at Emmett. He grinned back, an elk in either hand. I whirled, looking for Bella. She was on the ground again, gripping a struggling buck. One already lay dead beside her. I grabbed one more elk, draining it quickly and then jogged over to her. She looked up at me from the now still elk, and then shook her head and rolled her eyes.

"Perfectly clean again," she muttered.

"And you're a perfect mess again," complained Alice, coming up behind us. Jasper was just inside the borders of the forest, draining his third carcass. He preferred to feed on his own, out of sight.

Alice reached out a hand and pulled Bella to her feet, shaking her head. Bella's white shirt was smeared with dirt and blood, and her jeans were ripped.

"You. Me. Closet. Now."

"Alice," I said sternly. "Tomorrow."

She huffed and crossed her arms. _I'm going to hold you to that! _She caught a vision of a sullen Bella dressed in a gold sundress standing before her in the cottage closet, and smiled. _That's better._

Her thirst sated, Bella's face suddenly creased with worry. "I want to get back to Renesmee," she said.

"Of course, love."

"I'll grab Jazz," Alice said, spinning and heading into the forest.

"It was fun watching you finally get dirty, Bella" Emmett said. She tried to swing at him but he had already darted away, grabbing Rose's hand and taking off into the forest.

I lifted Bella's hand, kissing her fingers, and then we started back towards home. I wished we had more time to go further into the mountains. There was so much I wanted to show her. So many places I wanted to take her.

_You have all of eternity, you fool,_ I thought to myself. Time, finally, was no longer hanging over us. During Bella's pregnancy, time had been a black evil, inching unstoppably towards seeming death. Now, the curse was lifted, and there was so much I wanted to do with her. To do for her.

Thinking of that dark time, I was reminded of one of Bella's wishes as she lay fading away. _I wish we could have visited the meadow again._ Another day, she had said, although at the time hopelessness had forsaken that a new day would ever arrive. But now, miraculously, it had.

_Fantastic idea!_ Alice chimed in mentally from ahead of me, seeing my plan. _Don't worry, we'll go on ahead. _

I smiled, suddenly excited. "Bella," I said, pulling her gently to a stop. She paused, looking at me questioningly. "Do you remember, when you were…sick, you wanted to visit the meadow again?"

Her face clouded temporarily as she searched her thoughts. "Yes," she said tentatively.

I smiled wider. "Well, it's about three minutes from here."

She looked startled. She turned her head, staring in the direction of the house. "But Renesmee…"

I reached out and touched her cheek. "Will be fine with her grandparents for a little longer. And Rose will be home soon."

Bella's face creased for a moment, and then relaxed. She turned towards me, and happy anticipation danced in her eyes. I held out my hand to her.

"Shall we?"

* * *

_The next chapter will be the last regular chapter._

_This story has been nominated for the Vampies under the "Just Like Stephenie Used To Makes (Best Canon)" category. To see all the nominees and vote visit _www(dot)twificpics(dot)com(slash)vampawards(slash)?page_id=198

_This story has been nominated for a 'Bring me to life award' in the Missing Chess Piece category! To see the nominees and vote, the website is _www(dot)bringmetolifeawards(dot)weebly(dot)com


	29. Absolution

_So, as you might have guessed from the long delay with the update, this last chapter really beat me up. I agonized over a couple of parts, and it just held everything up. It was a good feeling, though, when it finally all came together. But I apologize for the wait, and thank you for sticking with me._

_I can never say enough what your support as readers and reviewers mean to me!_

_Thank you to noamg and lada_8 for all of their incredible help._

_Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight._

**_p.s. Please indulge me by reading my lengthy a/n at the end of the chapter :)_**

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It was twilight when we entered the meadow.

The sun was below the horizon, casting a gentle glow even in its physical absence. Autumn had begun its descent, turning the tips of the longest grass a golden brown, weaving in the circling air. There was a spread of fall flowers, yellow willowherb and purple aster, and the air spun with drifting insects. The meadow still smelled of warmth and sunshine, as if the heat of the setting sun had yet to leave its memory.

I paused at the edge of the grass, letting Bella walk ahead of me into the fading light. As her form was embraced by the landscape, I felt myself drawn back into the past, remembering the first time we had entered this field together. The first time I had hesitated just outside, riddled then with doubt and anxiety. I could still taste the memory of my fear, my apprehension of how she would react when she saw my inhuman skin in the sun. The sting of the burning, impossible desire for her to stay with me. And the profound terror of what would happen if she didn't – if she ran.

As if aware of my memories, a living ghost of the past, Bella turned when she reached the middle of the meadow, reaching out with a hand as if to beckon me, as she had that first time. Her hair blew gently in the breeze, and curious excitement, and questions, lit her eyes. My breath caught as it had then, ever overwhelmed by her beauty and her smile. But this time, there was no fear. No insurmountable walls. There was just her. And her hand did not beckon but instead reached for mine, waiting, confident, perhaps to pull me forward out of the past. And so I strode quickly into the openness, reaching my hand out as well, giving into the magnetic pull until my hand was clasped in hers.

"What is it?" she asked, eyes searching my face.

"Nothing," I murmured, caressing the back of her hand with my thumb. "Just you. Here. In this place." I gestured around the meadow in an arc with my other hand.

"I know," she said quietly, looking around. Her eyes moved restlessly, as if taking in every detail, before concern seemed to flash across her face. Her gaze swept around the field one more time, and then suddenly her breath caught in her throat, and she shut her eyes with a small, anguished cry.

"Bella!" I said in alarm.

She opened her eyes, and despair was etched in the features of her face.

"What's wrong?" I gasped.

"It's all so beautiful," she said desperately. "So beautiful through these eyes. I never truly saw it before. It's all so…so perfect."

I studied her, confused. She shut her eyes again, turning from me and taking a step away.

"This place," she whispered. "The time we spent here. The beginning. I never want to forget. It all means so much to me, and I…I…"

She turned back, eyes searing red with emotion. "I'm so scared, Edward, of losing those memories. That everything will be replaced by these new images, so bright and pretty, but so…so different. My human memories…" She stumbled over the word human. "I want to remember this place, remember you here, as I always have."

"You will, Bella," I said quietly. Like everything else about her transition, this cognizance was unusual. For most of us, we were too consumed by thirst when we first awoke to worry about the loss of our human past. And then when we finally comprehended what we had lost – if we did at all, as most of my kind had no interest in looking back at their human life – it could be hard to extract our remembrances from the gray fog within which they had became encapsulated. We all seemed to retain the events of our last few minutes of humanity, and even the odd, older memory our mind chose to embrace, but beyond that, it required vigilance and devotion to hold onto specific memories

She shook her head. "I can feel them slipping away." Her voice was desperate, nearly inaudible.

"Bella, shh," I said, reaching out and taking her hand, an ache building within me at the sight of the anguish in her eyes. But it was a blessing, really, that she was yearning to remember at such an early point – I believed it would allow her to retain many more memories than she would have otherwise. "You _will_ remember. Just keep those memories alive in your mind, keep bringing them back, and they will stay with you. I promise. I won't let you lose them." I pulled her to me, and she came easily, allowing me to wrap myself around her. I hugged her, pressing my face into her hair, inhaling her sweet scent. _I'll remember for both of us, love. Everything. Every moment._

Bella lay against me for a long moment, while I stroked her back, smoothing my hand down again and again. Then she finally sighed, pulling back slightly.

"Sorry," she muttered.

"Don't be." I pulled her a couple feet into the center, and then lowered myself to the ground. "Sit with me."

Her expression was still slightly clouded, but she nodded and sat swiftly next to me. We were silent for a moment as she swept her hand over the top of the long grass, her eyes far away.

"You know, actually, I came here once without you," she murmured absently. "When you were…gone."

I froze, pain lancing quickly through me. "Yes," I whispered. "I know."

She nodded, eyes on the trees beyond the meadow. Her hand lifted, almost unconsciously, and touched her chest, as if remembering a distant, lost pain. She shivered slightly, and then dropped her arm.

She smiled somewhat grimly. "Well, that's a time I'll be happy to forget."

I felt air pull sharply through my teeth as guilt, familiar guilt, flooded through me. I had caused the pain she was happy to forget, by abandoning her.

Bella glanced at me, her expression falling immediately.

"Oh, Edward," she gasped. She lifted a hand to touch my face. "I'm so sorry." She searched my eyes. "You…you haven't forgotten. I wish you would. It doesn't matter now."

I leaned into her hand, forcing a smile, knowing that I would never forget. It was as I deserved. Bella pursed her lips, like she wanted to say something else, so I bent forward and kissed her gently, putting my hands on her shoulders and lowering us until we were lying face to face in the bed of autumn grass. Her hand reached up and she ran her fingers through my hair, my skin dancing with pleasure under her touch. Then she pulled back abruptly.

"We'll never get back home if we start that," she said wistfully.

I grinned. "I'm sure they'd eventually send out a search party."

Bella snorted. "Oh, I'm sure Emmett would have a field day with that."

I laughed, rolling onto my back, looking up at tableau of the darkening sky above me, evolving blue-gray clouds with faint stars suspended between them.

"Tell me more," Bella said, rolling onto her back as well.

"More?" I questioned.

"About when I was, well, out of it. Changing. After you managed not to kill Jake for the imprint." Her face darkened slightly.

"Ah." This was not something I was particularly anxious to discuss. The thought of Bella's still, almost lifeless body, even with her now safe beside me, was agonizingly clear. But I knew her curiosity would demand feeding, as always.

"Well, I cleaned you up a bit. Alice helped." I glanced at her sideways, and she smiled up at the sky. "Then the others returned, and Carlisle checked your…your injuries." The memory of the sound of her spine snapping rung, cutting, through my mind.

"Oh," Bella said quietly. She stared upward, her brow furrowed as her other hand brushed over her stomach.

"Bella," I said anxiously, watching her. "You shouldn't dwell on those things." It was awful enough that those memories lay crystal clear on my consciousness – she did not need to be burdened with the memories.

She shrugged. "I don't remember a lot of it." She looked suddenly at me, her hand still on her stomach. "But I remember I knew you wouldn't stop fighting to save me. When I wasn't…I don't know how you did it, Edward. How you kept going."

I pulled my eyes from her, cringing internally. I didn't want to relive, or describe aloud, how I had felt as I watched Bella fading away from me. As I had faded with her.

Finally, I rolled so that I faced her again. "It was very dark," I whispered.

Something sparked in her eyes. "It was dark for me, too. So dark. I felt like I was losing everything, everyone. Even you." Her voice caught slightly. "You know what kept me going, in the end." Her hand tightened into a fist over her stomach. "Renesmee. I thought of Renesmee."

The world grew very still for a moment. "I thought of her, too," I said quietly. We stared at each other silently for a long minute. I thought of the incredible creature we had created, together, one who not only bound us to each other, but to the earth itself when we were threatened with a descent into endless darkness.

Finally, Bella sighed, a smile lighting her eyes. "Speaking of…"

I reached out and brushed a soft wisp of hair from her face. "Time to go back?"

She nodded, and then suddenly grabbed my arm, pulling me up with herself so that we faced each other on our knees. Her hands gripped the side of my head, almost too hard.

"Nothing will ever separate us again," she said, her voice fierce. _Not even death_. The words hung, unspoken.

"No," I said, matching her fierceness, plunging momentarily into the cold oblivion of the thought of losing her, and then reemerging in a surge of conviction I would never let it happen. "Never."

"Together," she growled. "Forever."

_Forever._ So many times she had asked me for forever, and so many times I had wondered if she understood the enormity, the magnitude, of what she asked. And yet, here she was, still asking, even with eternity now in her eyes and body.

"Forever."

She nodded her head, as if satisfied, and her hands slid off my face and took my hands, gripping them tightly between us. She kissed me hard and then hauled me up to my feet before I could protest.

"Because watch out – you can't run and hide from me any more." She grinned.

"Bella," I said. Still smiling, she turned, keeping just one of my hands and tugging me to a run into the forest.

"I hope she's still awake when we get there," Bella said after several seconds of running. "I don't want to miss her." Her face creased with worry. "I hate to leave her all night again."

I smiled, pleased I could put aside that worry for her. I pulled her gently to a stop. This was one reveal Alice would just have to miss.

"You won't have to leave her," I said. Bella looked at me questioningly. "Alice and Esme set up of the extra room in the cottage for her with a crib. We can bring her home with us."

A smile flared on Bella's face. "Let's go," she said anxiously, pulling me towards the house. After several moments we passed close by a herd of elk. I half expected Bella to want to hunt them – the scent was very strong – but her anxiety to get back to Nessie was stronger.

_I can't believe you told her!_ Alice was shrill in my head as we approached the house. I laughed as we jumped the river and came up the lawn. Alice was standing by the back door, hands on her hips. Rosalie and Emmett emerged as we came close.

"Where's Renesmee?" Bella asked anxiously.

"Upstairs with Esme," Rose said, smiling.

"Back so soon?" Emmett drawled, looking us up and down. "Why am I not surprised? Enjoying the scenery too much to do anything else? If Rose and I had been alone in that meadow _we_ would have…"

"Emmett Cullen!" Bella shrieked. "That's it! I'm not leaving until we settle this."

_Ugh,_ Alice thought. _I foresee more arm wrestling._ Images of Bella and Emmett, arms clasped, filled her head. _She'll win, of course._

I leaned over and kissed Bella's cheek. "I'll get the baby. You go to town on him."

She didn't look at me as I left, glaring at Emmett as he held his arms up in a mock, defensive pose. Jasper slid out the door as I went inside.

_I'll make sure there isn't any permanent damage,_ he thought.

I moved quickly through the front room and up both flights of stairs. Esme's thoughts were in my bedroom. I quietly pushed open the door. Renesmee was lying on her back on my bed, asleep, arms and legs splayed out around her body, copper curls darker than the gold fabric beneath her. Esme hovered, sitting on the edge of the bed. She glanced up as I came into the room.

_Sorry,_ she thought. _I tried to keep her awake. I think she is only just lightly asleep._

I smiled, sitting down on the bed on the other side of Nessie. Esme and I leaned over her, watching the rise and fall of her chest for several minutes. I could hear the steady, swift beat of her heart, the draw and push of sweet-scented blood through the delicate veins of her small body. Finally, Esme looked up at me.

_I'm so happy for you, Edward. I don't even know how to put it into words._

I lifted my eyes and nodded. Esme regarded me for a moment, and then she reached out with one hand and grasped my arm.

_I hope you know you deserve this, Edward,_ she thought fervently. _Every happiness, you deserve. _

My mind flashed suddenly back to the moment in the meadow with Bella, the pain I had once caused her, and the constant presence of my unchangeable mistakes. I glanced away quickly. Over the last couple of days I had been enamored by my immediate happiness, swept up in the newfound joy of Bella's reawakening. But I had not truly faced the demons beneath, layers of guilt and regret, beliefs so long or deeply held they had become part of the very fabric of who I was.

I knew that, deep at my core, I still felt unworthy, as I always had. Selfish. Not deserving. I was blessed with my sudden fortune, and yet, it was inexplicable. Looking back up, I found Esme's eyes burning into mine, and knew she saw into me.

I stared at her silently, and she took my hands in both of hers, so that they were clasped over Nessie's sleeping form.

"Edward," she said, her voice quiet but steady. "Would you do anything that would take Renesmee away from this earth? Would you change one single thing that led to her being born?"

I shook my head, unable to speak. Esme reached up with one hand, running her fingers through my hair.

"Oh, Edward," she murmured. "You always take so much on yourself. Even before you met Bella." Her hand moved down to touch my shoulder. "And after she came into your life, you were so much better," her hand moved to my cheek, "and so much worse. You finally tried to be happy, and yet you despised yourself for it. You had what you wanted, but you considered it weakness, a tragedy, to finally reach out and take it. You carried so much guilt just for loving her, and so much pain for the ways you felt you hurt and endangered her."

Esme leaned towards me, gripping my hands tightly, her gaze intense. "Don't you see, Edward? You don't need to regret those things anymore. You are absolved. Renesmee is your absolution. Everything you, and Bella, have done, everything that has passed, has guided you to her. She is the meaning in this all, and neither of you would dream of changing anything that led to her birth."

I stared, rapt, into her ocher eyes. She was right. The journey Bella and I had taken, both alone and together, all the decisions we had made, right or wrong, the ones that brought us terrible pain and the ones that begot unsurpassed joy, had led to the creation of Renesmee. I remembered the day I had stood by the river, watching the path of the water as death shadowed me, thinking how it was our many individual choices that ultimately determined the course of events. I had not truly known at the time where the current was taking us.

For I had always thought, and feared, that the love I had for Bella was an aberration, a selfish act on my part, that ultimately, would destroy her. And when I had impregnated her with what I had thought was certain death, this fear became utter reality, the cold, hard truth of my monstrous nature. But with the birth of Renesmee, I knew Esme's words were true. Neither Bella nor I would change any of the choices that led to her existence. She was a beautiful miracle, and she never would have existed without our love. She was proof that my loving Bella, and becoming a part of her life, had never been a mistake.

Esme squeezed my hands hard. "No more guilt, Edward. No more regrets. It's time to let it go. To just let it all go, and move forward." She took my face between her hands. _Be happy, Edward_. _It's all we've ever wanted for you._

I sighed, bending forward so that our foreheads met. "I'll try," I promised. I wrapped my arms around her, hugging her close.

_I love you, _she thought. _Always._

"Me, too," I whispered.

She pulled away, smiling. "Now, why don't you bring your daughter down to her mother. I'm sure Bella's anxious to see her."

I smiled. I could hear Bella and my siblings just coming into the house. Carlisle appeared in the doorway of the bedroom, smiling down at us.

Standing up, I reached down, carefully sliding my hands under Renesmee's sleeping form. But as soon as I began to lift her eyes flew open. Her hand shot up to my neck and her mind filled with the thought of Bella.

I cradled her to me. "We're going to see her right now." Esme and Carlisle followed me as we descended the stairs. As we came up to the banister, I could see Bella standing against the far wall with Alice and Jasper, looking pleased with herself. Emmett was sulking on the couch. Apparently Bella had challenged him to best out of ten arm wrestling, and after losing six straight times he seemed considerably more subdued.

_I think she may have finally shut him up_, Alice thought, smiling at me. I gave her a skeptical look - I found that very hard to believe.

Bella glanced up, and seeing us coming down the staircase moved swiftly across the room. But before she reached us, Rose appeared in front of me at the bottom of the stairs.

"Do you want me to take her for a while?" she asked.

I paused, slightly surprised. "No thanks, Rose, I've got her."

"She may be getting thirsty – I can feed her for you."

I frowned, glancing down at Nessie. Judging from her thoughts, Esme and Carlisle had fed her while we were gone, less than an hour ago.

I shook my head, looking back up at Rose. "I think she's fine. Besides, Bella and I are going to take her back to the cottage now."

Something flashed through Rose's eyes – panic, before she muted it quickly. "So soon?" she asked.

"Yes," I said quietly.

"Oh." Her hand rose suddenly towards Nessie, as if to touch her, before dropping quickly by her side. She looked down as something twisted within her, pain, new and yet achingly familiar. Her eyes lifted just for a moment to look at Nessie before she turned away swiftly, her body stiffening. She tried to mask her thoughts from me, but as she dragged her eyes from Nessie one thought was torn from her mind. _Not mine._

I sighed internally. The last several days Rose had, essentially, been Nessie's primary caretaker. Renesmee had filled a gaping hole in her, but yet at the same time fired life into desires Rose had worked long to suppress. As Rose's thoughts spun away from her, I could see she feared the loss of what Nessie had brought so briefly into her existence, and the despised relegation back to only being able to look in from the outside.

Bella walked slowly up, watching in surprise as Rosalie walked away without saying anything. Rose strode over to the back windows, laying a hand against the glass. Emmett watched with concerned eyes from the couch, but knowing Rose as he did, did not approach her.

I started to lift Nessie into Bella's arms, but she held up a hand to stop me. Her eyes were troubled, watching Rose's back. She turned without speaking and walked over to where Rose stood. I followed her silently with Nessie.

"Rosalie." Bella reached out and touched her arm. Rose turned, trying to compose the pain off her face, embarrassment flooding her mind. She hated to expose weakness, or emotion. Her eyes flickered to mine.

_Stop looking at me like that, _she growled internally, seeing pity in my expression.

"Rose," Bella said, her hand still on Rosalie's arm. "I've just…I've just never gotten a chance to thank you."

Surprise flitted over Rose's face. "For what?"

Bella laughed softly. "For what? For so much. For supporting me, to start." She glanced uncomfortably in my direction, and then back. "For taking care of me. And Renesmee."

Rose nodded stiffly. "Of course." _And now my services are no longer required._

Rose," I said gently. "Do you understand how much it means to us how you've cared for our daughter the last few days? To have you provide Renesmee with such love and support while we weren't able to be with her." Rose blinked, her features softening slightly. "We'll never be able to repay you for what you've done for her. And us."

"You don't have to repay me," she said quietly.

Bella smiled. "Renesmee loves you so much." She moved her hand over and touched Nessie's cheek. "I can tell. She's so lucky to have you in her life."

"She needs you," I said softly. "And so do we."

A smile played on the edges of Rose's lips. _Yeah, yeah,_ she thought, glancing at me, but I could tell she was pleased. She reached out and laid her hand over Nessie's other cheek, so that she and Bella cradled her face together. _I need her, too_, she thought.

Nessie lifted her hand, wiggling her fingers, and Rose bent forward. Nessie filled her mind with the memory of Rose brushing her hair.

"In the morning," Rose said. "I promise." Nessie smiled, teeth sparkling.

Rose straightened up, and then reached out and took Bella's hand. "Come upstairs with me – I have a few of Nessie's things in my room." Bella, looking pleased, followed her.

I wandered slowly off with Nessie, eventually moving across the room and up the step to my piano. I sat down, propping Nessie into a sitting position on my knee. I took her hand gently in mine, curling in all her fingers but her index. Lightly holding my finger over hers, I pressed a key, and its clear tone sang.

"Middle C," I said, smiling down at her. Nessie glanced up at me, her eyes fascinated, and then back at the keyboard. I lifted our fingers and pressed the same note again.

"C," I repeated.

"C," sang Alice from behind us, laying a hand on my shoulder. Her voice was a perfect continuation of the tone, more perfect than the expertly tuned piano. I glanced back over my shoulder, smiling up at her. Although she could not remember, I had always suspected Alice had been blessed with perfect pitch as a human. We all could carry a flawless tune – a vampire gift, I suppose. But Alice's talent was so pure.

I relaxed my grip on Nessie's hand, and she pressed the key down herself. _C_, she thought. She played again. _C._ The tone echoed in her memory.

I inhaled, feeling a swell of pride. "Good girl, Renesmee." I moved her hand so it lay over mine, her small fingers the faintest rose blush against my white skin. "Watch this."

I began to play a slow simple tune with our fingers, singing softly.

_Sway to and fro in the twilight gray,_

_This is the ferry for Shadowtown,_

_It always sails at the end of the day,_

_Just as the darkness is closing down…_

Nessie breathed in, and her mind flooded with the memory the song – the soft sound of my voice first singing to her, cradled in my arms. Bella's gentle breaths filling the quiet spaces around us. I sang in unison with her memory, past and present coming together.

She looked up at me, simple wonder in her eyes. I smiled, suddenly filled with the desire to share more of this part of me with her.

_I'll hold her while you play,_ Alice thought, my hopes and intentions forming visions in her mind. She lifted Nessie from my arms, allowing the simple notes to continue uninterrupted.

When my other arm was free, my fingers moved to the keyboard and began to play, adding dimension to the song. I caressed the keys, and the notes multiplied and grew, until a complex melody moved in the air around us. As I played, I tried to balance the melancholy tones this song brought from my past with the intense joy of the memory of singing it to my daughter for the first time.

_Dear little passenger, say "Good night",_

_We've reached the harbor of Shadowtown._

When I finished, I glanced up. Alice shifted Nessie so she could clap her hands, and Renesmee smiled and did the same. She eyed the keyboard with speculative interest. I stood and lifted her into my arms, hugging her against me.

"There's so much I want to show you," I murmured. She replayed in her mind the memory of our hands moving together on the keyboard. "Tomorrow."

"That was beautiful," Bella whispered. I glanced over to see her standing at the bottom of the stairs, Rose beside her. Bella was holding a small hairbrush and a book of nursery rhymes. Rosalie clutched Nessie's blue blanket in her hands.

I moved to them quickly, brushing Bella's cheek lightly.

"Ready to go home?" I asked softly. She nodded, and we both turned to Rose.

Rose held out the blue blanket slowly to Nessie, who took it in one hand and then hugged it against her body. She inhaled, thinking it smelled of Rose. Rose leaned down, pressing her cheek to Nessie's face.

"Goodnight, sweet girl," she said quietly. _I love you._

Emmett came up and put his arm around Rose. His eyes were on her, but he shifted his gaze back at me as she rose.

_Thanks, Edward,_ he thought. _What you said to her before, what you both said, I…I know it means a lot to her._

He reached out and rustled Nessie's hair. "Later, kid." He glanced up at us and grinned. "Keep an eye on your parents for me."

Bella and I turned. The rest of my family was standing several feet behind us, Carlisle and Esme with their arms wrapped around each others waists, and Alice and Jasper next to them, holding hands.

Bella reached and took Nessie from my arms. She walked over to Esme and I moved with her.

"Say goodnight to Grandma," she said. Esme inhaled, her eyes sparkling and her hand rose briefly to touch over her heart. Then she reached out and gathered Nessie from Bella's arms. She drew her into her body, and Nessie's small arms wrapped around her neck. Esme pressed her face into the silky curls haloing Nessie's head.

"Good night," she murmured. "I'll miss you."

Lifting her head, she turned towards Carlisle. "Say goodnight, Grandpa," she said, smiling.

Carlisle grinned, placing a hand on Nessie's head. "See you in the morning, sweetheart." Esme handed Nessie back to Bella. She looked at me for a long moment, her eyes nostalgic. _Don't forget, this is always your home, too._ I smiled and nodded at her as we moved over to stand in front of Alice and Jasper.

Jasper's eyes were somewhat distant, worry creasing his expression. He was still thinking over the interaction with Charlie, still worrying about our safety and anonymity. He held out his hand somewhat solemnly, and Nessie reached out tentatively to grip one of his fingers. Then she slowly lifted a hand and he leaned down so she could touch his neck. Their minds filled with a vision of Jasper earlier in the day after the arm wresting, hugging Alice, his face alight with rare, unguarded happiness and contentment. Nessie turned the vision slowly, focusing on Jasper's face, his smile, and his bright eyes. Her message was clear. She liked to see Jasper like that.

Jasper stood slightly, soft awe breaking out over his expression. Then he bent and pressed his lips to Nessie's forehead.

"'Night, darlin'," he said, a soft southern lilt invading his voice as it often did during times of heightened emotion.

Alice bounced up and swiftly kissed Nessie's cheek. "I'll be over in the morning with your outfit."

Bella looked affronted. "Alice, I can dress my own child."

Alice cocked an eyebrow, her eyes moving slowly down and up over Bella's dirty jeans and shirt.

"Oh, fine," Bella muttered.

Alice grinned. "And then I'll choose your outfit." She narrowed her eyes at me. _You're fired._

Rolling my eyes, I took Bella's hand and moved towards the back of the house. As we passed out the door, I glanced back. No one had moved. Esme smiled and held up a hand. Alice winked.

_See you bright and early, _she thought. _7:22 am to be exact – Nessie will be awake by then._

I turned and went out the door. We jogged down the hill, holding hands, Nessie's arms clinging around Bella's neck. We paused at the edge of the river.

"Should we jump?" Bella asked. She gazed over the water. "There are a lot of trees over there."

I smiled. "Better than wading through the water." It would feel fine to Bella and me, but Renesmee might not appreciate it with her higher body temperature. "Let me take her."

Bella looked relieved and placed Renesmee into my arms. I looked down at her. "Ready?"

Nessie nodded vigorously. I chose a spot, just on the opposite bank – a small, grassy patch well before the tree line. Caging my arms protectively around Nessie's body, I vaulted off my back foot. We sliced easily through the wind, Nessie smiling and laughing, her small hands clutching my shoulders. I took the weight of my landing on the balls of my feet, careful not to jostle her.

With a soft breeze, Bella appeared several feet in front of us, swinging around a high branch before landing. Nessie clapped with delight. I strode over and wrapped an arm around her waist, kissing her lips quickly. Nessie giggled with amusement, ascending silver bells. I kissed her cheek, too.

"My girls," I said, feeling slightly giddy. Bella rolled her eyes.

"Come on, silly." She pulled my arm from her waist and grasped my hand, leading us into the forest.

We simply walked for a while, passing Nessie between us. It was night now, the sun's light completely extinguished, leaving the woods bathed in lavender tones. Nessie could, miraculously, see nearly as clearly as us in the dark, darker purple and grays, and the familiar forest suddenly seemed fascinating through her eager eyes. Her hand reached out constantly, straining to touch and examine each new leaf and tree. We stopped patiently, letting her rub her hand over rough bark of a conifer, or caress a fire red leaf with her fingertips.

"A maple," Bella said, as Nessie fingered a leaf the color of yellow sun. She turned it around slowly, eyeing it from every angle. Then she slowly drew it into her palm with her fingers, crushing it into oblivion.

"Vine Maple, actually," I murmured. "_Acer circinatum."_

Bella groaned. "Vampire or not, I am never going to become such a know it all."

I grinned at her. "Oh, just give it time, my love."

Nessie laid her head against Bella's chest, sighing. Bella brushed the curls back from her face.

"She's getting tired," she said, looking up at me. "Should we run? It will be a while before we reach the cottage at this rate."

I laughed. "I don't know. She might not like it. Remember your reaction the first time I ran with you."

"Oh, yeah." Bella's expression furrowed. I took Nessie from her arms.

"We'll start slow," I promised. Propping Nessie up slightly in my arms, I began to jog, Bella just behind me. Nessie's eyes brightened, and she smiled, her head moving back and forth, taking in the slightly blurred, speeding landscape. She squealed suddenly, and her voice was caught by the wind our passage created, swept off into the trees.

As we moved faster, I concentrated carefully on our surroundings, cognizant of every branch that might scratch her skin, every particle that could get swept into eyes or mouth. I was reminded of running with Bella, when she was human. Of course, Nessie's body seemed far more resilient than Bella's ever was, but I did not want to take a chance. Bella ran quietly behind me, and I wondered what she was thinking in her silent mind.

After several minutes, I became aware that Nessie's thoughts were taking flight, traveling out of consciousness to the flowing depths of sleep. Her body shifted, weightless and relaxed, and it was only my arms that held her to me.

Finally, the forest parted and the cottage came into view. I slowed as we approached.

"We're here," I whispered into Nessie's ear, into her sleeping mind. "We're home."_ Home_. Having her here with us I felt the truth of the word. Circumstances for our kind could change quickly. And so Nessie might live in many places in her lifetime. But, I knew, this would always be home. For all of us. This cottage. Forks.

Bella appeared next to me, taking in Nessie's slumbering pose in my arms.

"She's asleep," she said, a note of disappointment in her voice.

I touched her shoulder. "We'll show her around in the morning," I said gently. "We have time."

"Yes," she said, a quick shadow passing over her expression. The unknown. But then she smiled. "Lot's of time." She reached out and I laid Nessie in her arms.

Quietly we entered the house, still unlocked from the night before. Holding Bella back with an arm I stepped in first. I inhaled deeply, searching for the scent of the dangerous, or unknown, but I detected only Bella, Nessie and myself, Alice and Esme layered behind it, sweet citrus, lavender and a myriad of scents mingled together. An older scent of Bella and I lingered from the night before, and then faintest of all wisps of my entire family. I stepped aside and let Bella pass in.

She looked around for a moment and then walked quietly to the extra room, Nessie's room now. The wrought iron crib stood against one wall, blue sheets within, pure snow clouds floating in random patterns. The walls were still plain white, unfinished, but someone had hung a single picture – a woman holding a child, standing on a hill, staring out into an eternal blue sea.

Bella drew in a slow breath, looking around. I moved next to her, placing my hand on the small of her back, and she leaned her head on my shoulder for a moment. Then she turned towards me and I bent down and kissed Nessie's cheek. I straightened and ran a finger down her satin cheek. Sleep well, angel.

Bella moved further into the room and leaned slowly over the crib, carefully lowering Nessie's sleeping form onto the sky sheets. She extracted Nessie's blue blanket, which was still clutched in her grasp, and laid it carefully over her lower body, tucking it under her arms. Then she put a hand on Nessie's chest, watching as it rose up and down with each measured breath.

I looked at them, mother and child, the divine forms of my world. I thought of Esme's words earlier, and I knew that it had been both Renesmee and Bella who had absolved me. Only a few days earlier I had held their existence in my hands, all light and love balanced precariously on my ability to save them. And I had. But now, I realized, that it was they who had truly saved me. Together. They saved me from loneliness and self-hate, pain and regret. Together they had weaved for me a soul I once thought lost forever, and poured love back into the empty chalice of my heart.

I wrapped my arm around Bella, cherishing her steady softness, her silent heart still beating in the echoes of my mind. Her scent swirled around and within me, but it was her love that I inhaled with every breath, that filled and animated my being. I turned and guided us towards the white blue bedroom in the back of the house, calling to us with memory and promise, body and spirit.

Together, we moved forward.

.

.

.

* * *

_So, we come to the end of the story. I feel sad, but don't worry – we still have the "super-sized" epilogue coming. I actually wrote the very end of this chapter, the end of the story, many, many months ago – on a spare piece of paper in my car in a parking lot. For some reason I always have ideas for my writing while I'm driving! I wanted to bring them to a point where Edward was happy – there are still unresolved concerns, but he and Bella are going forward._

_I do feel that, for me at least, the idea of Renesmee as an absolution for Edward is a theme from SM's book. I feel if Edward had changed a healthy, vital Bella, simply so they could be together or even under a Volturi deadline, they would have been happy but there would always have been a small part of Edward that could never forgive himself. That would view his choice as selfish. It was important not only that he change her to save her life, but also that the reason her life was in danger (Nessie) was something he wouldn't want to change as well. What happened helped free Edward to start moving forward w/o guilt. _

_Many people have written to me asking me to continue the story through the rest of Breaking Dawn. I just want to let you know that I do hear you, and I so appreciate your support and encouragement. But I just felt for me the story was winding down – I hadn't even originally planned to take it this far, and I am afraid if I had stretched it over the next several months in the book it would have begun to drag and lose its way._

_That said, I am still planning to write a probably two chapter epilogue of the confrontation with the Volturi. I am excited to write it, and hopefully you will enjoy it._

_As a writer, it's hard to express what your reviews mean to me – to hear that someone loves your story/writing is an incredible feeling. I never expected anything like the response I have gotten. I have absolutely loved hearing your comments and insights on each chapter – you are an amazing group of readers._

_I've been incredibly lucky to have two wonderful beta's, lada_8 and noamg - to have people to read through your chapter is an incredible relief. They've caught my many typo's, as well as provided great comments and suggestions, and kept me in canon. My favorite mistake one of my beta's caught was when in a scene I gave Bella fangs! What was I thinking? Talk about getting your vampire mythology mixed up!_

_Thanks for everything, and off to the Epilogue._


	30. Author's Note

I'm sorry to have to send this out as a chapter update – it was the only way to get the info out to everyone. And I'm so sorry it has been so long. I just wanted to get a note out that I have decided at this point not to do the confrontation with the Volturi as an epilogue, but rather as its own separate story. It has just been so long – real life has gotten in the way again and again. Also, I've done some work on the epilogue and it looks like it will be at least three chapters – so really more appropriate as its own story.

So the original ending of The Ties That Bind will stand. To everyone who reads and reviews, your kind words and support mean the world to me.

Take care, and enjoy the Breaking Dawn movie


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